“Is ghar mein maine sab kuchh khoya hai aur sab kuchh paaya hai Nidhi,” Ashutosh and Nidhi were standing in front of the house, “Baba ke jaane ke baad ye ghar hi mere liye unki aakhiri nishani tha. Lekin ye unhone apni us naatin ke naam kar diya jisse woh kabhi mile tak nahin. Aur jise bhi unke pyaar ki koi kadra nahin thi. Main nafrat karta hoon us ladki se Nidhi jiske paas ye ghar hai. Bahut zyada nafrat karta hoon.”
Nidhi was startled, “Nafrat? Kissi se bina mile usse itni nafrat kyon Dr. Ashutosh?”
“Kyon milta main usse? Woh ladki mere aur Baba ke beech mein aayi. Mujhe uski shakal tak nahin dekhni hai,” the anger and hatred on Ashutosh’ face and his voice scared Nidhi. She hadn’t come prepared for this. Ashutosh noticed her reaction.
“I am sorry Nidhi,” he said softly, “Main tumhein bekaar mein dara raha hoon…”
“Bekaar mein nahin,” Nidhi said sadly, “Main to aapko aapke Baba ka pyaar lautane aayi thi.” She unfolded a handkerchief she was carrying to reveal a set of keys.
“Ye ghar mere Nana ka hai,” she said finally and fell silent.
It was Ashutosh’ turn to be shocked. He stepped back in anger, disbelief and shock. He walked towards the car, opened the door to the passenger’s seat and sat on the driver’s seat. He waited for her to come to the car without saying a word. He drove so crazily that Nidhi was genuinely scared of getting into an accident. She looked at him time and again hoping to start a conversation. But the fury on his face and body language did not let her try. He dropped her home and drove away.
—
“Nidhi? Kya hua?” Anji was shocked to see a listless Nidhi walking into her room.
Nidhi sat down and sobbed for a long time. When she finally managed to talk and tell Anji what had happened. Anji was also shocked.
“Nahin Nidhi. Main nahin maanti ki woh tujhse nafrat karte hain.”
“Karte hain Anji. Bahut saalon se karte hain.”
“Woh koi aur ladki thi Nidhi. Jisse woh mile tak nahin the. Woh tujhse itna pyaar karte hain.”
“Jab maine unhein chaabhiyan di Anji, to mujhme unhein woh ladki nazar nahin aayi, jisse woh pyar karte hain aur jo unse bahut pyaar karti hai, jo unhein unki zindagi ki sabse important cheez gift karna chahti thi. Unhein woh ladki nazar aayi Anji jo unke aur unke baba ki us ghar ke beech mein itne saalon se khadi thi. Agar aisa nahin hota to woh mujhse kuchh to kahte, mujhe ek baar to rokte.”
“Dekh Nidhi. Woh is samay shock mein hain. Unhein thoda time de. Gusse mein insaan rationally nahin sochta hai. I’m sure jab woh ek baar thandhe dimaag se sochenge…”
“I hope teri baat sach ho Anji. Lekin jo nafrat aaj maine unki aankhon mein dekhi hai…”
“Nidhi. Tu mujhe promise kar ki tu unse ek baar baat karegi.”
“Theek hai Anji.”
—
Ashutosh reached home. As he was about to get out of his car, he noticed the house keys lying on the passenger’s seat. She had left it for him. Or forgot it. He couldn’t help picking them up. But when he looked at them in his room, they only increased his anger. He took those heavy keys and threw them at the mirror with all the strength he had. The mirror broke and made so much noise that Kaka, Armaan and Rohini came running to his room.
“Kya hua Ashuotsh?” Armaan and Kaka asked in chorus.
Then they looked at the mirror and ran towards him. He was sitting on the bed with his face hidden buried in his hands. The were all confused for a moment. Then Armaan silently asked Kaka and Rohini to step out. They obliged.
Armaan sat down beside him and patted his shoulder, “Kya hua Ashutosh?”
“Baba ka woh ghar Nidhi ke paas hai Armaan.”
“Kya?” Armaan was shocked at first. Then he smiled, “Ye to bahut achchhi baat hai. Saari problem aap hi solve ho gayi. Ab woh ghar to tujhe dahej mein hi wapas mil jayega.” Armaan laughed.
“Stop it Armaan,” Ashutosh shouted.
“Tum itne gusse mein kyon ho?”
“Tumhein pata hai Armaan ki main nafrat karta hoon us ladki se?”
“What?! I mean, haan mujhe pata hai. Lekin Ashutosh maine tumse pahle bhi kaha tha ki kissi ko bina dekhe, bina jaane ye nafrat paal lena bewkoofi hai. Aur ab? Ab to tum bhi jaante ho ki tum usse pyaar karte ho. Nidhi jaisi ladki se tum nafrat kaise kar sakte ho Ashutosh?”
“Rahne do Armaan. Tum nahin samjhoge.”
“You are right. Main ye bewkoofi kabhi nahin samjhoonga. Aur tumne Nidhi ko bhi bata diya hoga ki tum usse nafrat karte ho. Wonderful! Ab kabhi apni kismat ko dosh mat dena ki woh tumse khushiyan chheen leti hai. Khushiyan tumhare darwaze par knock hi nahin kar rahi thi, ghar ke andar tak pahunch chuki thi Ashutosh aur tumne unhein bhaga diya hai.”
“Leave me alone Armaan. Plesae.”
Armaan left exasperated.
—
They had to go for the survey of the health facilities in the nearby villages the next day. The meeting for the final planning and work division was organized at Dr. Kotnis General Hospital, which all the team members from different hospitals had to attend. After the meeting, when they broke for tea, Armaan took Nidhi aside.
“Kaisi ho tum Nidhi?”
“Theek hoon.”
“Theek nahin ho, ye to main dekh sakta hoon. And I am sorry agar main tumhare zakhm kured raha hoon. Lekin shayad apne dost ke liye selfish ho gaya hoon.”
When Nidhi didn’t say anything, Armaan continued, “Kya tum meri request par ek baar Ashutosh se baat karogi? Please. Jo woh apni khushiyon ka yun apne haathon se gala ghot raha hai woh mujhse dekha nahin jaata.”
“Shayad nafrat mein hi unhein khushi milti hai Dr. Armaan.”
“I hope not Nidhi. For his sake, I hope not. Please ek baar usse baat karo. Tumhare baat karne se hi mujhe koi ummeed hai. Aur kissi ki to…”
“Theek hai. Karoongi.”
—
Nidhi knocked on the door of Ashutosh’ office. He could make out her silhoutte and did not reply. She knocked again and on not receiving a reply came in without waiting further. She kept a cup of tea on his table.
“Dr. Ashutosh. Aapse kuchh baat karni thi.”
“Mujhe abhi ek meeting mein jaana hai.”
“Main baad mein aa jaun?”
“Dr. Verma. Mujhe aapse koi baat nahin karni hai. Na abhi, na kabhi aur.”
Her cheeks reddened at the insult. She turned away to leave.
“Suniye.”
“Ji?”
“Ye chai le jaiye. Mujhe zaroorat nahin hai.”
It brought tears to her eyes and she ran out of the room to hide them.
Behind her, Ashutosh buried his face in his hands. He was unable to think straight. He wanted to destroy the entire world.
—
“There is a small change in the plan,” Armaan announced when everyone met for the visit to the villages, “Humne pahle socha tha ki do groups mein divide kar ke survey kar lenge. Lekin maine yahan ek gaon se sarpanch se baat ki hai. Unhone travel time ka jo idea diya hai, uske hisaab se do groups se kaam khatam ho nahin payega. To hum aath log chaar groups mein bant jaate hain. Mere saath mere WHO ke colleague Mr. Ramachandran hain. Iske alawa teen hospitals se do-do log hain. To aap log apne colleagues ke saath ek-ek area cover kar lein. Ye hai revised area coverage plan. Har group ke saath ek local volunteer hai. To aap logon ko jagahein dhoondhne mein pareshaani nahin hogi.”
Ashutosh and Nidhi stiffened at the announcement. Spending the entire day with each other? Ashutosh glared at Armaan, but he ignored him.
—
For most part of the day the volunteer was with them. That helped avoid the awkwardness. They spoke only when needed. After finishing the last village, the volunteer explained them the way back to the main road where their car was parked and took their leave. They had to walk a couple of kilometers to reach there. Nidhi was tired.
“Aap thak gayi hain. Apne instruments mujhe de dijiye,” Ashutosh said.
“Main theek hoon. Mujhe aapki madad ki koi zaroorat nahin hai.”
After they had kept their stuff in the car, Nidhi silently handed an envelop to Ashutosh.
“Ye kya hai?”
“Mera resignation.”
“Kya?” Ashtosh was shcoked, “Kyon?”
“I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“Yes, you do!” Ashutosh was agitated.
“Kyon?”
“Kyonki… Kyonki main aapka boss hoon. You career is my moral responsibility. Aap aise internship se resign kar dengi to… you won’t even complete your MBBS. Your career will be finished.”
“Aapko iski chinta karne ki zaroorat nahin hai.”
“Lekin tumhein mujhe batane ki zaroorat hai. Kyon resign kar rahi ho?”
“Aap sach sunna chahte hain ya jhooth?”
“Sach, of course.”
“To meri doctor banne ki motivation khatam ho gayi hai.”
“Tum personal aur professional life ko mix kar rahi ho.”
“Kyon na karoon?” Nidhi burst out, “Kyon na karoon main? Main to kabhi doctor nahin banna chahti thi. Baba ne zabardasti ki thi. Lekin phir jab mere saamne choice thi to maine doctor banna choose kiya. Kyonki main aapko idealize karne lagi thi. Aapki tarah banna chahti thi. Logon ki care karna chahti thi. Lekin ab mujhe mahsoos ho gaya hai ki maine galat kiya tha.”
“Nidhi…”
“Maine aap me woh insaan dekha tha jo apne patients ki itni care karta tha, apne under kaam karne waale interns ko achchha doctor banana chahta tha. Isliye main bhi aapki tarah banna chahti thi. Lekin mujhe pata chal gaya hai ki main kitni galat thi. Aapke andar to itni nafrat bhari hui hai ki aapko pyaar, care kuchh dikhta hi nahin hai. Main apne andar nafrat nahin bharna chahti. Aap mujhse nafrat kar ke khush hain, to yahi sahi. Main aapki khushi chahti hoon. Lekin I refuse to accept your hatred. I refuse to reciprocate it. I refuse to be like you. Mujhe aapki tarah nahin banna hai Dr. Ashutosh. Mujhe doctor nahin banna hai.”
“Tumne zindagi nahin dekhi hai Nidhi. Tumhare ander itna experience nahin hai ki tum meri nafrat ko samajh sako. Jab zindagi mein koi itni kareebi cheez chhin jaati hai to kya mahsoos hota hai ye tum nahin samjhogi.”
“Aapne kabhi ye samjha Dr. Ashutosh ki aapko woh mila jo meri Mummy se chheen liya gaya tha. Apne Baba ka pyaar. Zindagi bhar woh apne pahle aath saalon ki yaad se apne Baba ki kami poori karne ki koshish karti rahi. Unke shauk ko, music ko, gardening ko apna kar apne Baba ko apne kareeb mahsoos karne ki koshish karti rahi. Doctor banne ka jo sapna unke Baba ne unhein dikhaya tha, woh khud poora nahin kar payi to mere through poora karne ki koshish karti rahi. Mere baba ki aur meri zindagi bhi us sapne ke hawaale ho gayi. Humne to kabhi unse nafrat nahin ki Dr. Ashutosh. Kabhi aapse nafrat nahin ki iske liye ki jo pyaar hamara tha, woh aapko mila. Main nahin kar sakti Nana se ya aapse nafrat. Kyonki mere liye pyaar zyada badi cheez hai. Aur aap kisliye sazaa de rahe hain mujhe? Isliye ki ek insaan ke marte samay apni beti ko yaad kiya? No Dr. Ashutosh. This is not right. And I don’t want to be like you.”
Ashutosh was stunned and speechless. He didn’t utter a single word and silently sat in the car. Nidhi took the passenger’s seat.
They drove back in silence. When they pulled up in front of her house, Ashutosh finally said, “Tumhein resign karne ki koi zaroorat nahin hai. Tumhein mujhse door rahna hai, uska intezaam main kar doonga.”
—
To be continued