The unease Nidhi had felt during the picnic continued into the next week. Ashutosh avoided Nidhi’s company even in the evenings by telling her that he needed to meet Armaan. The couple of days they did spend together, Nidhi felt that he was avoiding any intimate talks with her, mostly balbbering on about inane stuff, asking about her family, discussing about hospital and… talking a lot about Rohan.
“Bahut funny hai Rohan, nahin?”
“Haan. Har cheez ka, har kissi ka mazaak banata rahta hai.”
“Tumne kabhi bataya nahin ki woh karta kya hai?”
“MBA kiya hai usne isi saal. HLL mein Marketing Trainee hai. Abhi finalize nahin hua hai woh kaun se office mein kaam karega. Isliye usne ghar nahin liya hai.”
“Chalo achchha hi hai. Tumhein bhi company mil jati hogi.”
“Ji?” Nidhi felt that his tone was not quite right, when he said that.
“Noodles khane ke liye,” Ashutosh laughed slightly.
It still didn’t feel like a joke to Nidhi, but she smiled.
“Achchha Nidhi. Mujhe All India Medical Convention ke keynote speech ke liye preparation karni hai. Din mein to time nahin mil paata. Tum aisa karo, ghar jao. Yahan bore ho jaogi.”
“Theek hai,” her mood was spoiled and she did not want to say anything to him in anger or frustration.
Rohan tried hard, but he could not cheer Nidhi up that night. Nor did she eat noodles with him.
—
It was 11.30 at night on the new year’s eve. Ashutosh was sitting in his office with lights off. His legs were perched up on the table, head was resting on the chair back and he had used his arms to cover his eyes, blocking even the little light that had made its way through the creeks.
He was startled when the lights of the room went on.
“Nidhi?” he stood up surprised.
“Aap surgery ke liye nahin gaye?”
“Woh. Actually postpone ho gayi kyonki…”
“To aapne mujhe bataya kyon nahin?”
“Nidhi. Mujhe laga ki tum logon ne already plan bana rakh hai. Kahin tum meri wajah se cancel na kar do.”
“Koi surgery planned nahin thi Dr. Ashutosh. Sonali ke patient ki surgery Christmas se pahle ho chuki hai.”
Ashutosh averted his eyes.
“Mujhe usi din laga tha ki aap… aap jhooth bol rahe hain. Lekin main… mujhe laga ki aap mujhse jhoothi nahin bol sakte. Aakhir baat kya hai? Aap kyon mujhe aise… avoid kar rahe hain?”
“Nahin Nidhi. Aisa nahin hai.”
“Phir jhooth? Aur aap pichhle hafte Dr. Armaan se shaam mein kabhi nahin mile hain?”
“Tumne Armaan se poochha?” Ashutosh asked guiltily.
“Main koi jaasoosi nahin kar rahi thi. Woh jab aapse milne kal hospital aaye the, tab baaton-baaton mein unhone kaha ki Christmas ke baad woh kal aapse pahli baar mil rahe the.”
Ashutosh was silent.
“Unhone ye bhi kaha ki aap bahut tense aur lost lag rahe the, which I agree to. Kya mujhe poochhne ka haq hai ki kya baat hai jo aapko itna pareshaan kar rahi hai?”
“Nidhi please. Aise mat baat karo. Of course, tumhein haq hai. Tumhein saare haq hain… Main to bas apne haq ke baare mein sure nahin hoon.”
“Kya matlab hai iska?”
“Nidhi. Main… Main tumhein khush nahin rakh sakta Nidhi. I am just too old for you. Tumhare pranks, tumhare games, tum mere saath kabhi enjoy nahin kar sakti. Jo lifestyle tumhein pasand hai, woh tum meri wajah se chhodne par majboor ho jati ho. Aur… Nidhi main tumhare liye sahi nahin hoon.
“Achanak aisa kyon…”
“Main ye sab cheezein bhool sa gaya tha. Tumhein le kar apne sapnon mein kho gaya tha. Lekin jab Rohan ke saath tumhari relationship dekhi to mujhe ahsaas hua ki woh natural hai. Hamari relationship nahin. Is relationship ne kahin tumhein baandh sa diya hai, aisa lagta hai. Iski wajah se tum apni zindagi khul kar nahin jee pa rahi ho. Main apne swarth ke liye tumhein, tumhare liye koi galat faisla nahin le sakta. And I think Rohan… Rohan is in love with you.”
“Aur isliye aapne hamara rishta todne ka faisla le liya?” Nidhi asked with restraint in her voice.
“Main tumhein aazaad karna chahta hoon Nidhi.”
“Aap mujhe aazaad karna chahte hain. Shayad Rohan mujhse pyaar karta hai. Lekin kya is wajah se aap dono mein se kissi ko bhi mujhse poochhe bina mere faisle lene ka haq mil jaata hai?”
“Nidhi?”
“Aap samajhte kya hain apne aap ko? Bahut bade doctor honge, bahut intelligent aur mature honge, lekin bhagwaan nahin hain aap. Main kya chahti hoon ya kya sochti hoon, ye decide karne se pahle mujhse confirm kar lein to behtar hoga. Samjhe aap?”
Ashutosh was stunned and just stared at her as she fired away at him.
“Waise meri aankhein khol di aapne. To aapke liye mera wajood mere pranks, mere games, meri partying aur mere friends se hai, right? Those are the things that make Nidhi Verma. Great. Aapne bhi usi Nidhi se pyaar kiya hai kya? Agar haan – to theek hi faisla liya aapne is rishte ko todne ka. Kyonki woh sab main nahin hoon Dr. Ashutosh. Samjhe aap? Main woh sab nahin hoon. Aapko agar mujhse door jaana hai to isliye jaiye ki aap aisa chahte hain. Don’t reduce me and my happiness to all that. Please. Don’t insult me like that.”
Nidhi’s strength gave way and she was about to break down. So, she ran out of the room.
Damn! What had he done? Ashutosh gathered himself together and tried to follow her. He could not see her in the corridor. But he knew where she would be.
—
He sat beside her on the dusty bench on the terrace. She was crying silently.
“Nidhi. Sorry is a small word. Too small a word. Isliye sorry kahne se pahle ek confession karna chahta hoon. Sunogi?”
“Boliye,” she was cross, but ready to listen.
“Nidhi. Tumhein le kar maine hamesha insecure feel kiya hai. Aur shayad zaroorat se zyada reponsible bhi. Mere man mein ye baat atki hui thi ki pata nahin tum apne liye sahi faisla kar payi ho ya nahin. Main tumse bada hoon. To maine tumhein sahi faisla lene diya hai ya nahin? Isliye pahle bhi apni feelings ka ehsaas hone ke baad bhi tumse door rahne ki koshish ki thi. Lekin tum kahan maanne waali thi. Pata nahin kis kone se udti hui titli ke tarah meri band zindagi mein aa gayi. I gave in Nidhi. The attraction was… is too strong to not give in. Lekin insecurities kahin gayi nahin thi. Aur pahla mauka milte hi they resurfaced. Insecurity, guilt, anger, hatred – ye aise emotions hote hain Nidhi ki insaan ki rationally sochne ki takat khatam kar dete hain. Aur main bhi… I am sorry. Pahle gusse aur nafrat mein, aur ab insecurities aur guilt mein, maine superficial cheezon ke liye tumhara dil dukhaya. Lekin nahin Nidhi. Tum mere liye bas koi pranks karne waali, games khelne waali ladki nahin ho. Tum mere liye meri zindagi ho. Tum woh ho jisne mujhe zindagi ke sabse important lessons sikhaye hain, hansne ki, khush rahne ki value sikhayi hai, nafrat ke pahle pyaar ko dekhna sikhaya hai.”
“Lekin aap mujh par bharosa nahin karte? Aapko laga ki main Rohan ke saath…”
“Nidhi. Agar main itni clearly sochta to ye bewkoofi nahin karta.”
“Question evade mat kijiye. Mujhe jawaab chahiye. Aaj Rohan hai. Kal koi aur hoga. Rohan ka to pata nahin, lekin ho sakta hai ki kal ko koi aur mujhse pyaar karne lage. To kya har baar aap aise hi hamare rishte par, meri fidelity par shaq karne lagenge.”
“Nahin Nidhi. Maine tum par shaq kabhi nahin kiya tha. Believe me. Mujhe bas itna laga ki agar Rohan jaisa koi ladka tumse pyaar karta hai to tumahre liye behtar kya hoga. Shayad woh.”
“Aur Rohan mujhse pyaar karta hai ye aapne kaise conclude kar liya?”
“Jis din tum dono ko pub se le kar aaya tha us din woh behoshi mein baar-baar bol raha tha. Aur waise bhi, it is obvious ki he is trying to get your attention.”
“Agar ye theek bhi hai to mera kya? Main Rohan ke saath hans-khel leti hoon, parties mein chali jaati hoon, isliye aapko laga ki main bhi usse…”
“Kabhi kabhi mujhe aisa bhi laga ki tum uske saath jitni comfortable ho, jitni baatein share kar sakti ho, mere saath nahin kar sakti.”
“Kyon?”
“Shayad meri bewkoofi thi.”
“Bataiye mujhe – aaj main koi evasion bardasht nahin karoogni.”
“Rohan tumhein kissi baat ko le kar chidha raha tha. Tum mujhe batate batate ruk gayin. Phir phone par bhi kuchh baat hui thi tumhari, tum gussa ho rahi thi, par poochhne par bhi tumne mujhe nahin bataya.”
Nidhi hit her forehead, “Rohan mujhe baar baar chidhata tha ki aapke saath rah kar main bore ho gayi hoon. Kuchh fun nahin karti hoon. Isi chakkar mein maine us din utna drink kar liya tha. Aur phone par bhi wahi bol raha tha to main use daant rahi thi. Maine aapko nahin bataya tha ki kahin aapke dimaag mein ideas na aane lagein. Aur pub waali baat par aap waise bhi gussa the. Mujhe dar lag raha tha. Lekin jis cheez se main bachne ki koshish kar rahi thi, wahi ho gaya.”
Ashutosh smiled in embarrassment as it became clear to him that he was reading too much into trivial things. He looked at his watch. It was exactly midnight.
“Happy New Year, Nidhi.”
“Khaak happy new year. Bahut achchhi shuruat ho rahi hai New Year ki meri. Aap chahte kya hain?”
“Sorry? Tumse maafi maangna chahta hoon. Ki bina wajah tumhara dil dukhaya.”
“Meri samajh mein nahin aata ki bachchi main hoon ya aap bachche hain? Agar aapke man mein koi baat aati hai to aap mujhse discuss nahin kar sakte? Bata nahin sakte mujhe? Bolna nahin aata aapko? Akele baith kar, man hi man, poori kahani banani zaroori hai?” Nidhi was still irritated.
Ashutosh gave a guilty and resigned look to Nidhi.
“Is that the sorry?” she asked with a pout.
“Yes. A big sorry and a promise to never ever do it again.”
“Lekin aapki is bachkani problem ki wajah se hamara new year eve to barbaad ho gaya na? Hum kissi achchhi jagah party karne ja sakte the na?” his childlike Nidhi was back. He knew how to make her happy!
“To chalo. Hum party karte hain. To make it up, I will throw a party. Just for you.” Ashutosh recalled the vintage wine Armaan and Grace had brought for him. It was the time to put it to use.
—
To be continued