She hadn’t slept last night. Not even a wink of sleep. She had a headache now. When she got a break, she decided not to go to the common room, which will be crowded with her colleagues. She wasn’t in a mood for small talk, or stories of patients’ antics, or cribs about canteen food and senior doctors. She went to the open terrace and sat on a bench there. She rubbed her eyes to soothe them.

“You didn’t sleep well?” Paritosh’ voice startled her.

“Sir!” she jumped out of the bench.

“Sorry. I scared you.”

“I was just startled.”

“Are you unwell?”

“No. Just a little tired. Like you noticed. Didn’t sleep well.”

“Why?”

She bit her lips and stayed silent.

“Do you ever talk to anyone?” he asked again.

She shook her head.

“I know that it’s easier said than done. But… you should talk. I did it for the first time yesterday… What I told you… It helps.”

She smiled, “Well… You didn’t tell much.”

He thought for a moment before replying, “I can tell more… When we have time.”

“I would look forward to it.”

“If you want a quieter place to take a break, you can go to my office. I am going to in OPD all afternoon.”

“Th… Thanks for that, Sir. But I will be fine. Just a couple of more hours of duty.”

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow.”

—

Rupali woke up with a start. She was sweating. It was a nightmare. She was caged and two huge hands were coming through the bars to crush her. Just before waking up, she had noticed another hand in the background. A normal, human hand… Reaching out to her… To help her… But she had woken up before it could reach her…

Will a helping hand ever reach her? Will she even allow a helping hand to reach her?

Rohan, the pampered son of the rich Moitras, had done most of his schooling outside India. He wasn’t at home when she had first come to this house. In fact, he hadn’t come for two years after that. Apparently he spent his holidays from school in traveling through Europe, US and South America. Damyanti and Sabyasachi joined him sometimes.

She was thirteen when he came home for the first time. He was eighteen and was going to start his medicine studies at the university in London after his vacation. She had heard so much about him from his mother that she was awed. He was someone who had gone around the world. Just seeing him had felt like an out of world experience to young Rupali. And he had noticed her too.

“So, you are Mr. Banerjee’s daughter?” he had startled her by coming to her room once.

“Uh… umm… yes…” she had been flustered, “Please sit down Rohan Da.”

“Oh God! That’s just… so awkward. Don’t call me Dada. I hate it.”

“What should I call you then?”

“Rohan is just fine. It is only in India that we go around making everyone a brother and sister.”

“Okay.” It had taken her some time to get used to calling him Rohan. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He had insisted that she took him around Kolkata. And Damyanti had encouraged it. “He is right. He would get bored sitting at home. And you also need to step out of the house Rupa.”

She had obeyed. Her summer vacations were going on and every evening, they would go out had roam around the various parts of the city. In the process she had gotten to know him better. While he had a gift of behaving charmingly with people, his temper frightened her sometimes. Once in a while he would yell at a shopkeeper, a rickshaw wallah or  a servant in the house with murderous rage.

The afternoon before he had left to join the university, he had come to her room and had closed the doors startling her.

“Rohan? What happened?” her instincts were alert. But that didn’t save her.

He had walked to her and held her. “You are beautiful,” he had whispered in her ear.

“Rohan. Let me go…”

“Hush…” he covered her mouth with his hands, bent a little and bit on her neck drawing a gasp from her. “You are so innocent. Do you know what this is? This is called love bite. It will remind you of me, when I am gone. But I won’t be gone for long. Before you know it, my semester will be over and I will be back. Wait for me.”

And he had left. She was shocked and stunned to silence. She had slumped on her bed. She was so shocked that even tears had taken time to come to her eyes. She hadn’t come out of her room for next two days. When Damyanti had asked her to come with them to the airport in the evening to see Rohan off, she had refused saying that she had severe headache.

“Oh! That’s a pity dear. You guys have become such good friends. But anyway. Health first. Take rest.”

Over next five months, she had tried to forget the incident. Hoping against hope that it had never happened. That it was all a bad dream. But Rohan had been back. He no longer seemed interested in his Europe tours with friends. He came back home after every semester. Sometimes, he flew in even in the middle of the semester, if there was a break of even a week.

On his next visit, she had tried to threaten him that she would tell his parents.

“Don’t be silly,” he had told her, “Do you want to be thrown out of the house? I am their son. They will never do that to me. This is our secret.”

She had gulped hard. What would she do? Barely fourteen, she was too young to be on her own. And of course. Who would choose her over their own son? Especially a son they seemed so proud and fond of.

“And don’t worry. You are mine. I am going to marry you.”

And so she went on enduring. His fondling, kisses, love bites… He never went all the way with her. As if he was ensuring that he didn’t leave any proofs behind. She cried on her bed when he would use her and then go to her bathroom to relieve himself. She endured. From one visit to another. Over time she became immune. She would let him do whatever he wanted. He had taken it as a sign of her acceptance, even her love.

Between his visits, she focused on her studies like a mad-woman. That’s where she had sought refuse. She had been a decent student even earlier, but with this redoubled concentration, her performance sky-rocketed. Damyanti had once remarked that she seemed to be inspired by Rohan. “Haven’t you noticed how her grades are improving since she has met Rohan. I am so glad,” she had told her husband, who had just nodded. Rupali had given a small smile. She felt resigned, rather than angry.

It was no surprise when she got a very good rank in medical entrance examination. She didn’t want her education to be another burden on her benefactors. She had to get a high rank, get admission in AIIMS, which would ensure minimal expenses as opposed to the private colleges or studies abroad.

Rohan had come home just before her results had come out. And he had dropped the bomb soon after the results. By declaring before his parents that he was in love with Rupali and would marry her when time came.

“I thought this was the right time to let you know about it, Ma, Baba. I had heard you talking about my marriage. So, I want to let you know that you do not need to search far and wide.”

They had assumed that Rupali was in it. Still only seventeen years old, Rupali had felt helpless. And resigned.

A subtle change had occurred in Rohan after that declaration before the family. He had become less demanding, less crude physically. Probably he had more control over his hormones now. But at the same time, he had become very obsessive and possessive. He tried to control what she did, where she went, whom she met… On his parents’ front, she felt even more helpless. Now their happiness seemed tied to her marriage with Rohan. There seemed no hope of getting away from this mess.

Yet, as she grew up, she felt more and more restless about her situation. Not feeling confident enough to rebel, she reacted by learning to do some little rebellion. Against Rohan. Hiding things from him, telling him things he liked to hear and doing her own stuff… To the extent she could.

And she was already tired. What was her life going to be like? They could decide to get them married any time. The only reason it had not been done yet was that Rohan had an older cousin who was yet to get married. How long will that protect her?

And even if she were to get away, what would she do? She felt too violated, too damaged by Rohan to think of a happy life with someone else. The helping hand would never reach her.

She came out of her thoughts and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Then she switched on the headlamp and checked the time. It was past five in the morning. With two sleepless nights in a row, she would hardly be in a position to do her duty. After couple of hours she called up the hospital and exchanged her day’s duty with the night duty. Probably nightmares won’t trouble her during the day and she would be able to catch on some sleep.

—

To be continued