“How far has your painting come?” she asked him after it was decided that he was staying back.

“What painting?” he was taken by surprise.

“Your latest one…” she realized that he didn’t know she had seen her painting. Was she trespassing?

“When did you see it?”

“The night we came back from Darjeeling,” she was regretting bringing this up now.

But he smiled to her relief. “You won’t let me have any secrets, will you?”

She shrugged and smiled.

She chuckled when she saw the painting, “Where are my ears?” The painting had her hair in a high ponytail, but her ears were missing.

“You usually keep your hair open. I had seen you in this hairstyle only once. I couldn’t remember what your ears looked like. So… It’s incomplete.”

He didn’t mean it, but that sounded like an allusion to their relationship. It wasn’t complete. Something was missing. Just like the ears were missing from the painting. She gulped. Then her hands went to her right ear and tucked her hair behind her ear. She repeated it with the left ear. To let him see what her ears looked like.

There was something very sensual about this gesture and Paritosh stared at her for a while. Then as if in a trance, he closed on her and caressed her right cheek with his hand. His hand, then, moved to her right ear and rubbed it slightly. Rupali closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. And Paritosh came out of his trance.

He stepped back startled and even before Rupali had opened her eyes, retreated out of the room. “Dr. Khanna!” she mumbled looking around confused and then rushed out of the room.

—

He was in his room. He stood facing away from the door, as she entered soundlessly. He hadn’t changed for the hospital before breakfast. So, he was still in his white cotton Kurta-Paijama. Rupali’s heart skipped a beat, as she approached the kurta-clad figure with broad shoulders and straight posture.

“Dr. Khanna!”

“Eh?” he was startled as he turned back, “Yes. I am sorry…”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure. Tell me,” his voice betrayed his nervousness, although his words were normal.

“I want to see Dr. Mathew.”

“Why?” To Rupali’s surprise he looked alarmed, instead of happy.

“Why? You always wanted me to…”

“But you never accepted. Why now?”

She downcast her eyes, “I want to get better, Dr. Khanna.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain, “I have pressurized you, haven’t I?” Rupali looked at him in surprise. He continued, “Since yesterday… Bit by bit… I have broken my promise to you. But you are not under my debt Rupali. You are not obliged to tolerate it. I had kept you in my life with a promise… That I’d never…” he took a deep breath trying to gather courage for his next words, “I’d never touch you. And yet I have…”

“Dr. Khanna please!”

“Go away, Rupali. You don’t have to stay. I have broken my promise.”

Rupali got tears in her eyes, “And didn’t it occur to you that I stayed not just because you had promised me something like that, but also because I wanted to?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“I want a normal relationship Dr. Khanna. It has nothing to do with what you are calling ‘pressurizing me’. It’s just my wish… I want to get better…”

“You are telling me the truth?”

“Of course, I am. What has come upon you? Didn’t you always want me to get better? I didn’t heed you all these days, because… Among other things I didn’t have the courage to go there alone. It was… It still is a scary thought. And I had asked you to stay back today, because I wanted to talk… I wanted to ask you if you would come with me…” she choked on her words.

Paritosh looked at her emotionally. He also had to clear his throat before replying, “If you are still asking me… Yes. Yes, I’d come.”

She knew he wouldn’t hug her. So, she went forward to took the initiative herself. He almost crushed her while hugging her back, but she wasn’t threatened. She felt safe, and loved and cared for.

—

“Please come in. Dr. Rupali Banerjee, right?” Dr. Mathew’s disposition was cheerful and friendly, but he was surprised as he saw who entered the room with her, “Paritosh?”

“Hi John,” Paritosh smiled at him, “I know this is unusual. But Rupali was a little nervous about seeing you and asked me to…”

For the first time Rupali realized that it was awkward for Paritosh. And he knew it all along. But he hadn’t hesitated even for a moment, when she had asked him to come with her.

“Please sit down,” Dr. John Mathew was back in his element, “So, Rupali. How are you today?”

She gave him a nervous, half smile. What kind of question was that? How would one be on any given day to have to come to a psychiatrist.

“There is nothing to be nervous about, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew said somberly when she did not say anything, “Anything we talk about here, remains in this room. It won’t ever go out. You are doctor. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” her voice barely came out.

“So, tell me. What worries you?”

Dr. Mathew was as friendly and assuring as anyone could be. So, Rupali could not blame him when she found her hands and fee going cold. What was she to tell him? How? Had it all been a mistake?

Silence hung in the air uncomfortably for a few moments.

“You need to talk, Rupali.”

Silence.

Paritosh noticed her stiffening body and was compelled to speak, “Rupali. Would it help if I left. It might be…”

“No!” her alarmed reaction was immediate. And she clutched his hands instinctively. To stop him from leaving.

That’s when Paritosh realized that her hands had gone ice-cold.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed and took both her hands in his and rubbed against them to give her some warmth. “What’s the matter, Rupali? What are you so afraid of? Her hands are dead cold, John.”

Dr. Mathew looked thoughtful. He asked Paritosh, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Paritosh nodded and then turned to Rupali to ask her to let him go for a while. But she did not loosen her grip on his hands.

“I will give you sometime,” Dr. Mathew said and after Paritosh’ nod left the room.

“I am not going anywhere,” Paritosh spoke to Rupali in low, assuring voice after Dr. Mathew left, “What has happened to you? You have survived everything Rupali. Talking about it can not be worse than living it. What makes you so nervous?”

“This is my last chance,” she finally spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

“My last chance to get better. If this fails, I do not know what I’d do.”

Paritosh sighed. Whether or not she accepted it, she was feeling pressurized.

“May be,” he said after thinking it through, “May be this is your last chance at getting better. But with me, Rupali, you are left with no chance at all. It does not matter if you get better or not, it does not matter if you become worse, even if you become mad and lose your mind, I’m not giving you a chance to run away from me.”

She was overwhelmed, but she did not cry. She leaned on him and rested her head on his chest, “It was a bad idea, Dr. Khanna. I don’t have the strength to talk about my life. Yet again. To yet another person. Let’s go back.”

“That’s fine, Rupali,” he patted her head, “There is no pressure, you know that, right?”

“I really wanted to…” she was torn between her hopes and her fears.

Paritosh pushed her back and took a good look at her face.

“I’m being unreasonable, am I not?” Rupali became conscious.

“What’s wrong in being unreasonable once in a while? Let me talk to John. If he agrees, I will tell him everything. Then you won’t have to narrate it all. Okay? From then on he’d be able to ask you questions and continue with his diagnosis and treatment. Is that fine?”

He always had a solution for her. She looked amazed. Then nodded slowly. “Will he agree?” she asked feeling uncertain.

“I don’t know. Let me try.”

“Okay.”

—

To be continued