“What are you thinking about,” she smiled so sweetly that Paritosh felt the urge to pull her towards him and kiss her madly right there.

Outwardly he let out a sigh, “How do I undo what I had done wrong last time?”

“You had done nothing wrong last time,” she hastily assured him, “Why would you think so?”

“Nothing?” he smiled sadly, “You are too forgiving.”

“Dr. Khanna,” Rupali spoke earnestly, “Sometimes I feel that you are scared of happiness. And you probably have good reasons to be sceptical. You have always kept other people’s interests ahead of yourself. But you didn’t get the happiness and peace you deserved in return. But can you try and trust me? If I wasn’t happy with you, if I wanted you to regret something, if I wanted to punish you for something, if I had any grudges against you, we would not be here today and I would not be telling you this. All I want is to be happy with you. We have lost a lot of time. But I don’t want to lose any more time moaning over the spilt milk. Let’s forget about it.”

“Your conscience, Rupali, is clear. You didn’t doubt, you didn’t falter, you didn’t misunderstand. That is not the case with me.”

“Actually… I had my share of doubts, misunderstanding, everything. And someday we can talk about all of it. But not with any regrets. Only for sharing ourselves with each other. Today, right now, I only want to share a meal. Please don’t be sad Dr. Khanna. For my sake. Yes. That makes sense. That is something you can do. Put my wishes ahead of your regrets? You can do that easily, right?”

Paritosh smiled and shook his head. How could he ever doubt her sincerity towards himself? “Shall we order?” he asked.

“Same dishes as last time?”

“Sure.”

Their conversation was not necessarily smooth in the evening. There was a gap of years to be filled, many explanations to be given, many oddities to be explained. But Rupali did not want to get overwhelmed by all of that in just one evening. He understood and respected that. So, they talked of inane daily stuff, work, colleagues, institute, research, publications, everything but themselves. When they got back in the car, however, a strange tension filled the environment. The evening was ending and it seemed like there was something to be said, to be done, which wasn’t done. They drove back mostly in silence.

He also got out of the car when he pulled over in front of her house and walked around to her side. Memories flooded both their minds. But this time there was no uncertainty, not scruples, no hesitations. His hands still trembled as he cupped her face. But he did not stop. He kissed her. A long, deep, needy, urgent, desperate kiss, which she responded with gusto. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead by the time they finally withdrew. Both of them were panting and her eyes were moist.

He lifted her chin to make her look directly at him. “What happened?” he asked softly.

She smiled slightly and shook her head, “Nothing bad. Nothing bad at all.”

He also smiled and stepped back.  “So? Good night, then?”

“We can’t continue to be night-owls I believe,” she said sportingly, but the tinge of disappointment in her voice was quite obvious.

“Well… Why not?”

“Really?” her eyes shone in excitement. In that moment Paritosh could see the young, spirited student he knew come back.

He shrugged with a broad smile conveying “Why not?” again.

“I will check if Ma is still awake. She shouldn’t be kept waiting for me. Why don’t you come inside as well?”

“Sure.”

Mouli had stepped out just in time to overhear the last part of their conversation. She had heard the sound of the car, and when Rupali did not come back, she grew curious and came out. But on hearing this, she hurried back inside and went straight to her room. “Crazy love-birds,” she mumbled amusedly to herself and pretended to be asleep when Rupali peeped into her room. “But then we all are. In our days, in our time…” she added afterwards.

—

“Can I ask you something, Rupali?”

“If you ask permission through a question to ask me a question that is recursion without a base case. You will go in an infinite loop.”

He chuckled, and not wanting to spoil the nice mood, withdrew, “Let it be then.”

“Arr.. No. Ask me. What was it?”

“Nothing important.”

“Then why make me curious and make an issue out of it. Whatever it was, ask now.”

He sighed and spoke slowly, “Since you came back, there was something about you that bothered me. You always looked very unsure, nervous, almost miserable. You weren’t like this earlier. You aren’t like that now. But have you been like that all these years? Was it… was it because of me?”

Rupali stiffened. She regretted urging him to ask. How was she supposed to handle this? Her mother had talked about Paritosh’ insecurities. How could she answer it so that she didn’t have to lie and he wouldn’t go on a guilt trip? After a moment’s thought, she decided to share it all with him.

“Let me show you something,” she said and brought out her phone. She navigated to the app that was now in disuse, but which had been a constant companion of hers for the six years in US. Then he handed it to him. There were many unread Google Alerts in it.

“What is it?”

“An app that collects Google Alert on your name and pushes them on my mobile.”

“What?” he was incredulous for a while and then started laughing, “Now that could be marketed as an award-winning way of stalking.” She merely smiled. But Paritosh grew serious after this, “So, this is how you had come to know about my talk at IIMT and the video?”

She nodded, “And a lot of other things. I couldn’t move on Dr. Khanna. God is my witness that I had tried. But I couldn’t.”

“You never tried to tell me!” he grew emotional.

“I was scared. You were so angry. I didn’t think you’d believe me.”

He sighed. He couldn’t blame her for thinking so. “So, you were indeed miserable. And it was because of me.”

“Ma says…” she started, but hesitated for a moment. Then decided to continue anyway, “That you were the one feeling insecure in this relationship. I hope this tells you how much power you have over me. If I were you, I won’t ever feel insecure.”

Paritosh smiled sadly, “Yes. I can see the power and I…” he stopped. He was going to say “I abused it”, but realized that if he wallowed in self-pity, Rupali would feel bad about sharing her story honestly with him.

“And you?” she could never stand his half-completed sentences or stories.

“And I will try my best not to abuse it,” he changed what he was originally saying. But he meant it and promised to himself to stand by it.

“I know that you won’t. Else I wouldn’t have told you.”

Her faith scared him. And it warmed his heart!

—

“Paritosh. Come in. What a surprise!” Mouli was glad to see Paritosh next day. Rupali was in the office.

“Surprise?” he chuckled, “Why! You are talking like I have come to meet you for the first time.”

“No, you aren’t. But I didn’t think you’d have time for me any longer,” she teased him good-humouredly.

“Come on Mrs. Banerjee,” he tried to keep a brave and straight face, but a blush crept in.

Mouli laughed, “Come now. Sit down. Tell me, how are you doing?”

“I am doing fine. How is your health?”

“I would say it is fine till I am alive.”

“Don’t talk so negatively. You are all right.”

Mouli sighed, “Forget about me. Just keep her happy, Paritosh.”

“I haven’t done too well there till now. But I promise that I will try my best. Any tips?”

“It can’t be too difficult,” Mouli smiled fondly, “She doesn’t ask for too much, does she? Or am I biased as a mother?”

“No. You are not biased. She doesn’t ask for much. But that makes things difficult sometimes. I do want to give.”

“I don’t know if she wants it. But if you give her some indulgence, I’d be very happy.”

“Indulgence?”

“Pamper her. Indulge her. Let her have her way. Something I never had time or resource to do. I was too busy earning enough, saving enough to pay for her studies and career.”

“For someone who doesn’t expect much, how difficult can pampering her be? Rest assured, Mrs. Banerjee. And there was something I wanted to tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

“Thank you. Thanks a lot for understanding me and my issues. You might have done it for your daughter, but you have done me a much, much bigger favour.”

—

“Oh my God! What is this Dr. Khanna?” Rupali was wide-eyed with surprise. Or was it shock?

“What?” He got worried.

“This house… What have you done to it? It looks like a five star hotel.” Rupali’s surprise was not misplaced. The interiors of Paritosh’ house was completely redone and it looked nothing like a normal house in the faculty quarter of the institute. The decor, the furniture, the design, everything reminded Rupali of the time when she had been to Cathy’s parents’ house in the US. They were super-rich and she had felt completely out of place there. But in comparison to even that, Paritosh’ house seemed constrained only by the size. And he had no control over size. It was a standard house all the senior faculty members were allotted.

Paritosh was laughing at her describing the house as a five star hotel. “That isn’t a bad thing, is it?” he had asked in amusement.

“No… I guess…” she was still stupefied.

“Come with me. I have something for you.”

She followed him to his bedroom and her eyes widened, when he opened a small box containing a pair of earrings for her.

“Oh my God! These are not…”

“Not?”

“Diamonds?”

“As a matter of fact, these are.”

“Oh!”

“You don’t like them?” a cloud appeared over his face.

Rupali realized that her reaction had been lukewarm. She quickly flashed a smile, “I love them. I was just… I don’t know… taken by surprise?”

“Will you try them?”

“Sure.” She hoped that he would offer to put them on her. But the expectation of a story-book romance won’t do with him, would it? That was not why she had fallen for him. She went to the dresser to change her ear-rings. She took the one she was wearing on her left ear out. But before she could put in the new ones, Paritosh walked up to her and stopped her.

“May I?” he asked softly.

Her heart leapt. She nodded nervously trying hard to hide her blush. But it couldn’t be hidden by the time he had finished putting on both the rings. He wasn’t complaining about it. It was gratifying to know that he had that effect on her.

There was something she wasn’t comfortable about, but which she could not put her hands on, and which he didn’t realize.

—

To be continued