Debangi was so guilty and ashamed that she didn’t even try to give her opinion on the arrangements for Piyali. Mukundo still offered her an explanation that it was better for Piyali to continue to stay in the apartment. It was closer to the university and to the hospital. And back at home, there were too many people, mostly staff, many with small kids. She needed increasingly hygienic surroundings, which was easier to achieve in a smaller house where there weren’t many other people. She agreed to everything he said. Priyendra was emotional to meet Piyali. He surprised Piyali and Mukundo by apologizing to her on behalf of their mother.

“My kid brother has grown up, Mukundo Babu,” she said lovingly.

“Yes,” replied Mukundo, “And has become responsible too. He had done very well in school last year. I’m sure he will do as well as you in his board exams.”

Piyali patted his head affectionately and he blushed a little.

For next one year, Piyali was continuously in and out of the hospital. But she really wanted to finish her post graduation, which Mukundo had gotten her enrolled into with so much hope.

“I don’t want to deceive myself, or you, Mukundo Babu. I won’t be able to work after university. I won’t be able to do justice to any job. But I want to study. I want to fulfill at least part of my dream, your dream for me.” She was already not in a position to do much of housework. Mukundo had hired a house help. Because even he spent most of his time tending to her. He drove her to the university, waited for her in the library while she attended classes and took her back with him. There were times when he had to drive her to the hospital in the middle of a class. Sometimes she would feel depressed, “It’s not worth it, Mukundo Babu. You life is getting wasted running around with me all the time.”

“These are the only meaningful days of my life,” he wouldn’t entertain her concern and she would then pull all her will-power together to get better and go back to attending her classes.

After her exams were over, Mukundo decided that there was no point in rushing to the hospital all the time. He made all the arrangements at home. He also hired nurses to be with her all the time, although he himself hardly ever left her side. But many a times, professional decisions needed to be made – some medicine to be given, some injection to be administered!

It went on for another two years. Medicines made her condition better once in a while. On those days, he took her on long drives. They never stayed out of home till late, never ate or drank anything outside; it was not safe for her failing immune system. At times she noticed him eying some street food or some sweets. “You should take some, Mukundo Babu,” she would urge him. But he wouldn’t do that. Even at home, he had taken to eating only what she ate. His dedication had taken everyone by surprise. He never tired, never got bored! He didn’t need alcohol, and he didn’t get any time to paint. He did continue to handle the business, but mostly worked from home.

Despite all the precautions, of maintaining just the right temperature in her room, of bringing her just the right food at right temperature, of giving her only purified water boiled twice on top of purification, she had caught cold. And then pneumonia. The doctor visited her and shook his head helplessly. She was dying.

She also knew that. So, she finally decided to ask that one question that had hung unanswered between them.

“Can I ask you something, Mukundo Babu?”

“You don’t have to wait for my permission, Piyali.”

“Why did you let me get married?”

“I’m sorry,” his grief was apparent in his voice. If he had stopped her then, today she wouldn’t be on her death-bed.

“I am not blaming you, Mukundo Babu. Please don’t react like that.”

“What can I say, Piyali? What right did I have over you?”

“You had all the rights. You were scared of claiming them. Why?”

He sighed.

“I had read your diary once,” she confessed, “I know there was something that held you back. But I don’t know what it was. Tell me, please.”

“Thank you,” he said after a few moments of silence, “Thank you for asking. It’s not like I expect it to be any justification of what happened. But still… You should know. Whatever be my flaws…”

“Mukundo Babu. If it is something that will cause this self-loathing in you, that will give you pain, I don’t want to know it.”

“What does give me pain, Piyali, is seeing you here. Like this. Every other pain, whatever I had, has paled in comparison to this.”

She smiled sadly, “So, the only way I could rid you of pain was to give a bigger pain.”

“Did you lie to me when you said you had read my diary? Because if you had, you would know better. Ever since Ma died, the only thing that has kept me anything like a normal human has been you, the time I spent with you.”

“Her death was traumatic, wasn’t it?”

“Her death would have been sad, depressing. It was her murder that was traumatic.”

“Murder?” Piyali was surprised.

“You were hardly a few months old then. You wouldn’t know. But then, nobody knew. Even those who did, pretended not to. It was all in the family, after all.”

“What are you saying, Mukundo Babu?”

“It was my father who had killed her, Piyali. He was a drunkard. That day was no exception. He was pitch drunk. The room was locked from inside. But I was at the window looking through the glass. I banged on it. He didn’t hear. Or didn’t bother. Everything was hushed down afterwards. My grandfather was an expert at these things. This business wasn’t built with honest money. Although he was shrewd enough to clean it all up later.”

“I am sorry,” she whispered feeling horrified.

“It was a good thing Baba himself died a few months later. Otherwise, I am sure he would have died at my hands. My anger was overwhelming and dangerous.”

“Mukundo Babu!”

“I have the same blood in my veins, Piyali. I have a monstrous soul. I am a dangerous person.”

“I have never seen you getting aggressive, Mukundo Babu. Why would you think like that about yourself?”

He smiled weakly, “No. You have never seen my bad temper. It doesn’t show itself up before you.  Probably that is the reason your presence often made me want to become normal. But I was scared of what I was capable of being. The only difference between my father or grandfather and me was that I was aware of how dangerous I could be. Drinking and every other objectionable thing I did was a way to avoid facing and giving rise to the monster I felt within myself.”

“You have punished yourself for crimes you never committed. You have been unfair to yourself, Mukundo Babu.”

“I don’t know about that. But I have failed you miserably, Piyali.”

“No. Stop talking like that. If someone is at all at fault for my condition, it is probably Ma. But above everything else, it’s just my fate. Nobody is really responsible. And least of all, you.”

“You have never believed other people’s words against me, Piyali. It is no surprise that you don’t believe mine either.”

“Fate has not been kind to us in this birth Mukundo Babu. But in next one…”

“For your sake, I would start believing that there is a next birth.”

“And in this one, when I am gone Mukundo Babu,” Piyali said somberly, “Please don’t start drinking again. For my sake.”

He looked at her with moist eyes. He didn’t say anything, but the promise was understood.

“Will you,” she asked hesitantly after a pause, “kiss me once?”

He was startled; and overwhelmed; and it showed on his face. It looked like he was going to laugh and cry at the same time.

“Yes,” he managed to speak through his choking throat, “Willingly… And desperately.”

He bent down and at first just gave a quick, soft peck on her lips. Their eyes locked into each other and if there was anything unspoken remaining between them, it was all said in those few moments. Then he started bending down again. “No,” she whispered, “It’s dangerous.” “I can risk much more,” he replied and gently thrust his tongue in her mouth. She was physically weak and soon out of breath. So, he broke the kiss sooner than he would have liked. The blushing smile on her face made up for that though.

“There is something else I want to do,” he said in a hoarse voice.

“What?” she asked with some alarm.

“Paint you. Nude.”

She averted her eyes, “It’s too late, Mukundo Babu. I am too ugly to pose for you now.”

“When have I ever needed you to pose for me?” his reply was unhesitant, “And you are the most beautiful girl this world has ever seen. Never try to argue about that. Not with me.”

Tears started flowing from her eyes, but he gently wiped them off.

– The End –