Her conflicts about her own feelings had been resolved ultimately. But that was not the most difficult part. What was the point of her feelings, unless they were reciprocated? And they could never be reciprocated, she was sure. She was too young, too immature for him to consider her seriously – as a lover, as a partner, as an equal! He patronized her all the time, protected her, guided her, helped her. He could never… She felt annoyed as she realized that. Annoyed with everything. With him, with herself, with the world!

It was this annoyance that had made her withdraw from Paritosh. She couldn’t get him; so she wanted to make sure that she didn’t feel the need to get him. It was all going horribly wrong though. She was only hurting herself. And as the earlier heated exchange showed, she was hurting him too. She wasn’t doing it right. How long could she torture herself like this? He had inadvertently revealed one thing that could give her some peace. He had used words like ‘intelligent’, ‘mature’, ‘charming’ for her. He didn’t think as little of her as she had convinced herself. She dared not hope for more. But she would try to be content with this.

Paritosh broke the silence during the drive, “Rupali. I was… I don’t know what had come upon me. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that earlier. Are you angry with me?”

“No,” she replied, “No. I am not. In fact, I am sorry. I have been behaving abominably.”

“What is bothering you? Is it the accident somehow?”

“I don’t know,” she lied, but tears clouded her eyes.

Paritosh looked for a suitable spot and stopped the car.

“Rupali. It has been traumatic for you. The accident. But you don’t need to deal with it like this. It doesn’t have to become your undoing. Talk to me. And if you can’t, then talk to your friends, your mother–”

Her tears grew worse, but she nodded.

“Now, I can’t take you home crying like this, can I? Pull yourself together, Rupali. There is no reason to cry.”

Obediently, she wiped her tears.

—

Mouli was waiting in the hall itself. She looked significantly paler to Paritosh since the last time he had seen her. It was when Rupali was still recuperating in the hospital.

“You don’t look well,” he said cautiously.

“Did you have your breakfast, Mom? I had told you to rest well. Shall I get you some coffee?”

“Sit down, Rupa. I need to talk to you.”

Rupali looked puzzled, while Paritosh grew concerned.

“What happened, Mom?”

“There is something I have been meaning to tell you–”

“Mrs. Banerjee. It may not be the right time.” Rupali had cried in the car for reasons Paritosh couldn’t figure out. She was already upset. She could hardly deal with another blow.

“It better not be too late, Paritosh. And I have gathered courage with difficulty. Rupa. Please sit here, darling.”

“What is it?” Rupali asked anxiously, as she sat down next to her mother, “Tell me, please.”

“Rupa,” Mouli leaned forward and held her hands. She could not look into her eyes and lowered them while speaking further, “I… I am suffering from breast cancer.  It was discovered too late and cannot be cured now. I won’t be with you for long, my child. And you must embrace this bravely.”

Paritosh was noticing the changes in Rupali’s expression. He flinched, almost feeling the pain she was going through. When Mouli finally looked up, she saw a colorless, horrified and stunned face. Her daughter was unable to even cry. She was sitting still in a state of shock.

“Rupa!” Mouli almost cried and shook her. She blinked back her tears and looked at Paritosh helplessly. “Try to help her, please,” she pleaded to him and ran out of the hall to go to her room.

Rupali was startled out of her stillness when she saw her mother running out. “Mom,” she tried to cry out, but it barely came out as a whisper. Paritosh came and sat in front of her.

“Rupali,” he called her name softly.

She looked up at him. At first her eyes were empty and hollow, but suddenly she seemed to become aware of what was going on. She started sobbing pitifully. He held her, pulled her close and hugged her gently trying to comfort her. She wept for several long minutes. He broke the hug when her sobs subsided and said, “I know that it’s easier said than done. But nobody can help the situation. Not you, not your Mom. She is worried about you; really worried. If you can be brave and assure her that you will be all right, she will live peacefully. Otherwise she will feel guilty for the situation even though it’s nobody’s fault. Do you understand?”

“You have known for a while?” she asked.

Paritosh nodded.

“I don’t know whether to be angry with you for not telling me; or to be grateful for being a support to Mom.”

“You can do whatever you want to me. But right now, please go and speak to your mother. Please.”

Rupali nodded and got up to find her mother.

—

“Mom,” Rupali went and hugged her mother, who was standing silently near the bedpost in her room.

“Are you all right, Rupa?”

Rupali could not control her tears, but she assured her, “I am fine Mom.”

“I’m sorry for putting you through this. I wish–”

“Mom! Please. What is your fault in this?” Rupali spoke through her tears.

“Don’t cry darling. Please.”

“But I am really angry at you. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I never cared to ask after your health. And you even told Dr. Khanna before me?”

“There was a reason, Rupa. He is a nice, responsible and trust worthy man. You’d need a friend in times like this. I’m sure he can be the one.”

Rupali tried to appear normal through this, but she tried so hard that Mouli noticed.

“What is it, Rupa?”

“What?”

“Something is wrong? You are not comfortable about something. Paritosh?”

“No. No Mom. He is… He is a very good man. But I am so confused. And terrified… Of everything.”

“You will be all right, child.” Rupali did not share her mother’s confidence, but she did not say anything.

“Is Paritosh still around?” Mouli asked.

Rupali nodded.

“Go to him, then. Offer him some coffee. I am tired and want to take rest.”

Rupali waited until Mouli was in the bed and then came out.

—

“I will get you some coffee,” she told Paritosh.

He looked at her intently. She was nervous, scared, barely holding herself together. She didn’t realize it, but she was almost shivering.

“I don’t need coffee. Please sit down, Rupali.”

She did not object and sat down, feeling thankful for his understanding.

They stayed silent for a while. Paritosh wasn’t sure if he should stay on.

“Will you be all right?” he asked after a while.

“Yes!” she came out of her thoughts and said as confidently as she could manage, “I should not detain you. Thank you. For everything.”

—

To be continued