“Rupa. You came back early? Everything all right?” Mouli asked that evening.

“Yes Mom. I took my classes and finished my meetings. Didn’t feel like working after that.”

“You don’t look well. Is Paritosh angry with you?” Mouli sat down beside her daughter on the sofa.

The question caught Rupali unawares. She shook her head, but her eyes filled with tears. She leaned on her mother’s shoulders and started crying.

“On my God!” Mouli mumbled as she patted her daughter’s head, “My poor girl. What is eating you up, child? You can tell me. I am not so weak yet that I can’t share my daughter’s problems. Tell me sweetie.”

“Mom. I do it wrong every time. I just do it wrong every time.”

“What has happened? Has Paritosh said something? Is he angry about yesterday?”

“No, Mom.  He didn’t say anything. I wish he had. He is too good, Mom. And that’s my undoing.”

“Rupa!”

“It’s wrong, isn’t it? Mom. I am in love with him. I am sorry, Mom. I am sorry for putting you through this.”

Mouli was surprised by the revelation. She kept involving Paritosh in their lives, to ensure that Rupali had a friend and a mentor. She had suspected that Paritosh might have a soft corner for her. Nothing else could explain how willing he was to take up the responsibilities Mouli was throwing at him. But she had never realized what was really going on with her daughter. What was more shocking, however, was how Rupali was reacting to it. Why was she so miserable?

“Why wrong, Rupa? I am surprised, pardon me for that, but why are you feeling so guilty? He is a nice, caring man.”

“I don’t know Mom. But he is so much older to me.”

“That–” she started explaining something and the smiled, “Why did you not talk to me, you stupid girl? Tell me something. You don’t remember much of your father, do you?”

Rupali looked up at her mother through tears, quite surprised. Why was she talking about her father now? She shook her head confirming that she didn’t remember much.

“You probably don’t remember, or don’t know, that he couldn’t speak.”

“What?”

“Yes. It was an accident in his childhood. He had lost his ability to speak after that. And everybody thought I was a gold-digger for marrying him.  But when you are in love, the rest of the world doesn’t matter, Rupa. It is only the bond between the two people that does matter. What they feel, what they want.”

Rupali smiled sadly, “Yes. You need two people to feel the same way.”

“You spoke to Paritosh?”

“Leave it, Mom. I don’t want to talk about it any longer. I am going to my room to sleep for a while. Do you need something?”

“No,” Mouli said. Her own thoughts were now eager to go elsewhere and she could use some time alone.

—

“Hi Paritosh. What a surprise to see you at this time. Rupali is at the college.”

“Yeah. I know.  I was free; so I thought I would drop by. How are you?”

Paritosh had been anxious since his last meeting with Rupali. He had promised Mouli that Rupali’s problem would be sorted out. But she had left feeling guilty after their conversation. That couldn’t possibly have solved her problem. And he didn’t know what would be the right way of talking to her again. She had also avoided him. Lost and confused, he had come to Mouli, although he had no clue how much she knew and what he expected from her.

“That was really nice of you. Come in.”

“How is Rupali doing?”

“She was guilty about that night. I think she won’t repeat it.”

“She needn’t feel guilty. Not repeating it would be good though,” he attempted to make light of the situation.

“Thank you for helping her, Paritosh. You have been a true friend.”

“You are making a big deal out of it.”

“Not really. You know what is really funny though? As a student she used to think that you hated her. Seeing you now, caring so much for her, I can’t believe that. She must be mistaken.”

“I hated her?” Paritosh was already too confused and uneasy. This was adding yet another dimension to his already complicated relationship with Rupali.

“Apparently you would never let her in the class, if she was late, although you did not bother with others. You gave her a hard time with the assignment deadlines, would not let her speak in the class etc. etc.”

Paritosh frowned as if trying to remember the time.

“She worked extra-hard in your courses trying to impress you, although she would never have accepted it. And yet, she did not quite get what she wanted.”

“That’s… that’s strange…”

“Yeah. I am sure she was mistaken.”

“Yes. She was… She definitely was,” his voice trailed away.

He ran into Rupali on his way out. They looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments; neither of them was prepared to face the other yet. Paritosh found his bearings first.

“Hi Rupali. You came back early.”

“Yeah. I didn’t feel like working.” She was being truthful and this had been the case for a while now.

“Okay. No problem. It’s good to take a break once in a while,” he tried to smile.

“You are leaving?”

“Yeah… yeah… I had to… meet… some people…” He didn’t. And his lie showed through. But Rupali pretended to believe him.

“Okay then. Have a good day.”

“You too. Bye.”

—

As Rupali entered her house, she could no longer disregard the fact that she was terrified. Since she had returned to India, she had let herself be a little girl again, feeling protected by her mother. But that protection was going to go away. She’d have to be on her own once again. And this time Mom won’t be there even at the other end of the phone or a 24-hour long flight. What would she do? How will she manage? How will she take any decisions in her life? Talking to Sunidhi was a way of unwinding. But it didn’t help her make decisions. Sunidhi was always so sure of what she wanted, and how she would get it. Rupali was not like that. And she had managed to complicate it all with Paritosh, the one person she could have talked to. What was her fault? Even Mom didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. But he did. And if he did, she couldn’t possibly force herself on him. But could she amend the relationship? At least the camaraderie they had come to share could be salvaged.

Paritosh sat in his car, but did not drive away immediately. He was weighed down by his confusions. What was he to do about Rupali? Her mother expected him to support her. He would be happy to do that. Nothing would give him more pleasure and satisfaction than being there for her. But when he had agreed to do that, he hadn’t foreseen this complication coming up in their relationship. What should he tell her? How should he bring it all back to normal? He didn’t want to lose her friendship. She was like a breath of fresh air in his otherwise stale, suffocated life. He wanted her around, he liked to hear her talk, he liked helping and advising her. All of this gave a meaning to his life like something had never done before. But giving in to his heart’s deepest desire, even if it was reciprocated by her, was not done. She was too young. It couldn’t be good for her. Never. She might adventure into the relationship because when you are young you enjoy taking risks. But it might shatter her later. The difference of age, of almost a generation, stood between them.  That can’t be. But it seemed like his intention to do the right by her had always given her pain. Then and now! What should he do? He could try amending the relationship. At least the camaraderie they had come to share could be salvaged. And then he could be there for her when she needed him the most.

—

To be continued