“Rupali! What happened?” Paritosh had come to her house early the next day. It was a Saturday and they didn’t have to go to work. He had found her on the veranda. She was leaning back on her chair with her eyes closed, but she was crying and tears were flowing out of her closed eyes.

She got up with a start, “Sir?” She quickly wiped her tears, but realized that she would need to wash her face, “Please sit down, Dr. Khanna. I will be back in a minute.”

“Wait,” he surprised her as he stopped her from going by holding her hand, “Why were you crying?”

“It’s nothing. Please let me go.”

“Sit down,” he forced her to sit back on her chair and pulled another chair lying on the veranda for himself, “Tell me the truth, Rupali.”

“Please don’t force me,” she replied. The forced coldness in her voice hurt him.

“You don’t trust me?”

“I trust you, completely. But that doesn’t mean that I will bring you in the middle of all my problems. There are things I will have to sort out for myself.”

“Is there something I can do to change that?”

She looked at him blankly for a moment; then shook her head, “No.”

“Rupali!” Paritosh felt very helpless and it reflected in his voice.

“Don’t misunderstand me, Dr. Khanna. I don’t know what I would have done, if you hadn’t been there for me and Mom. I really appreciate everything you are doing.  And I would be lost without you. But I don’t want to get more used to your support than I already am. I also want to become stronger for myself. Do I make any sense? Am… I… making you… mad?” she looked at him apprehensively.

Paritosh’ heart went out to her. He wanted her smile back. He wanted that cheerful girl back who had the power to make him smile even during the darkest days of his life.

“I am not angry at you, Rupali. I can never be. Have you had your breakfast?”

“No. Shall I ask the cook to serve some? Mom won’t be up for another couple of hours. We can have something.”

“In that case, let’s go out somewhere. You need a change.”

Rupali was surprised at the proposal of going out. But she thought she had already been too cold to him earlier. So, she did not refuse, “Why don’t you wait in the hall. I will get ready and come back in five minutes.”

“Sure,” he nodded.

—

“What would you like to have?” Paritosh asked when they were ready to leave.

“I haven’t had a typical American breakfast for quite some time. Do you know some place?”

“Yes. It would be about twenty minutes’ drive from here. Is that fine?”

“Sure. But do you like American breakfast?”

“I like it very much. What kind of food do you generally like?”

“I like all kinds of food. I love experimenting with food. How about you?”

“I don’t mind anything. Can’t call myself an active experimenter though.”

Rupali smiled. Paritosh felt good.

“And what do you like to read?” he asked her.

Rupali laughed slightly and then said in a self-deprecating tone, “I read a lot of self-help books in my last two years in US; everything from how to make friends to how to look confident to how to succeed in relationships. Then I realized that those books can’t help you fit in a place you don’t belong to. So, I came back.”

Paritosh also laughed and asked further, “And before and after that?”

“I read fiction. All kind – classics, contemporary. And you?”

“I don’t read much outside of the history books and journals, to be honest. And a lot of current affairs, of course. My home looks like a magazine warehouse.”

“Yeah. The current affair will also be history is next few years.”

“Right,” he smiled at her quip, “Movies – I can watch anything though. Crappy action to mushy romance to mindless sci-fi, Hindi, English, and any other language with subtitles.”

That made Rupali laugh. Paritosh stared at her. She had laughed after a long time. And it was a genuine laughter.

“What happened?” she asked when she suddenly became aware of him staring at her.

“I realized how much I was missing your laughter. Remain that way, Rupali. This is what suits you. Not the tears and moroseness.”

Rupali fell silent and smiled nervously. Paritosh regretted having made her conscious, but resolved to try and bring her cheerfulness back. Rupali was wondering what those getting-to-know-each-other questions were meant for?

—

What was she to do? Rupali wondered as she paced up and down in her room. His words were echoing in her mind, “Remain that way, Rupali. This is what suits you. Not the tears and moroseness.”

She also didn’t want to remain morose. But what could she do about her happiness? Mom wasn’t going get any better. She forced herself to smile in front of Mom. But her deteriorating health made her sadder and more scared by the moment. And the only other person who could make her happy was not there. Well, he was there and still not there. He insisted on knowing why she was crying in the morning?  But how could she tell him that she cried because she longed for him. She felt lonely and she could not reach out to him the way she wanted! Because he wasn’t willing to be that person in her life. What could she do to find love and happiness? She could not beg him for that. That’s not how love came to anyone, did it?

She felt tired and sat down on the bed. ‘Be happy with what you have,’ she told herself, ‘Stop going after a mirage. At least you have his support, and friendship, even if not love.’ She decided that she will try to be happy.

—

“Hello, Mrs. Banerjee. How are you doing?” On Saturday, after breakfast, Paritosh had dropped Rupali home but had not been able to meet Mouli. He had some work to do. So, he came back on Sunday after visiting Amrit.

“As good as I can be,” Mouli smiled weakly, “But there is a surprise for you. Rupa was in a good mood, it seems. She baked some cookies last night. They are tasty. Try them.” She passed an air-tight plastic container to him, which had the cookies.

“Wow! I didn’t know she was an expert at baking.”

“No expert. It is the first time she tried. But they have turned out quite well.”

“You are right,” Paritosh said munching on one of the cookies, “Where is she?”

“She has gone to the institute. Apparently there is a paper submission deadline and she hadn’t exactly been working hard recently. So, she is going spend her Sunday in consulting journals and books in the library.”

“Oh!” Was it a sign of her feeling better that she was concentrating on work again? Or a way of hiding her depression?

“It’s good for her, Paritosh,” Mouli said somberly, as if reading his mind and answering his question, “The way she had been recently, barely holding herself together, I have died a thousand deaths before the real one comes. Since yesterday, she has been looking more cheerful. You had taken her out for breakfast?”

“Yeah. I happened to come early in the morning. So–”

“That was really nice of you. She needed a change of air. All of her friends seem too busy.”

“If you are fine with it, I… I could take her out more often. If it helps…”

“Please do,” Mouli said eagerly, “She really looks up to you. Your attention and approval mean a lot to her.” Her eagerness did not skip Paritosh’ notice.

He nodded and spoke after few moments of silence, “Mrs. Banerjee. Please take rest. I will drop by the institute and meet Rupali if she is there.”

“Sure. Take care.”

“You too. Bye”

—

To be continued