“No. But hearing it from you made me feel that whatever ‘heroic’ deeds I have done,” he made a gesture with his hands to put heroic in quotes, “have been worth it.” His penetrating eyes, as he said that, made Rupali blush heavily. “All right,” she said. She tip-toed and planted a quick kiss on his lips. Then she ran away from him, but he quickly caught her.

“That was your way of saying that I am your hero?” he asked.

She just giggled in reply.

“Then let’s say it out loud and clear,” he said and attacked her lips furiously. She had to step back, when she ran out of breath.

“I may not be able to stop, Rupali,” how helpless he sounded.

“You don’t have to.”

His hands found the rubber band holding her hair in a low ponytail and he took it out. He didn’t realize that some hair also came off with it and it hurt Rupali a bit, but she did not make a sound, not wanting to spoil the moment.

“I love it when your hair is open,” he whispered, “Will you keep them open when you are with me?”

She nodded.

His hands dug into her hair and caressed her nape. She gulped hard and her hands moved to his chest. She started opening the buttons of his shirt, as he slipped her top slightly off her shoulder and nibbled at her bare skin. He stepped back to check her reaction and encouraged by what he saw, he pulled her in a bone-crushing hug. His hands slipped under her top and he caressed her back roughly. She also followed the suit. Her eyes were closed and she didn’t open them even as he guided her to the bed. He got on top of her and nibbled on her ears one by one making her moan loudly.

Just then they were interrupted by a loud knock on her door, “Ma’am, please come with me quickly.” It was the nurse on duty with Mouli. Rupali and Paritosh panicked. Was something wrong? They quickly straightened up their dresses and rushed to open the door.

“What happened?”

“She was having troubles breathing. I have given her the emergency oxygen that was available here. I called the doctor. He said she might need continuous life support now. So, she should be shifted to the hospital.”

“Call the ambulance,” Paritosh said.

“I already have. It will be here any moment. You should also get ready.”

—

“We need to talk,” the doctor told Paritosh after they had settled Mouli in the hospital room with life support system.

“Yeah,” Paritosh said that made to go outside the room.

“I will come too,” Rupali said.

“Are you sure?” Paritosh was not sure she will be able to bear the doctor saying what they expected him to say.

“Yes,” she was determined.

Doctor’s information was expected. She would need continuous life support till she lasted. But one could not say how long even that would help her. It might be few days, or few weeks; in rare cases, a few months. They must embrace themselves for the eventuality. They couldn’t and shouldn’t plan to stay in the hospital all the time. It won’t be feasible. But they should try to spend time with her when she was conscious. And any relatives or friends who expected to visit her in her last days should be informed now.

Paritosh looked at Rupali. She wasn’t breaking down. That was a relief. But he felt exhausted. He sighed and sat down on a bench nearby.

“Tired?” she placed her hand on his shoulders and asked.

“How are you?” he asked instead of replying.

“I have accepted life. I hold no grudges against it.”

He smiled weakly at her.

“What is it?” she asked sensing that he was anxious.

“Nothing. Looks like our roles have reversed.”

“And it is fine. One person cannot shoulder all the responsibilities all the time.”

“You suddenly sound so grown up.”

“May be I have grown up.”

“Forced to grow up?”

“Inspired to. But you still haven’t told me. What is bugging you?”

“Let me drop you home. Ma is sleeping. We will come back in the morning.”

“What is it?” she asked adamantly.

“Rupali!” Paritosh was irritated.

She didn’t want to irritate him, so capitulated, “I am sorry. Let’s go.”

But she also showed her annoyance through their drive back. She did not speak to him and if forced to reply, she did so in monosyllables. She made to get out of the car as soon as they pulled over in front of her home and didn’t even wish him a good night.

“Wait Rupali,” he pulled her back to her seat, “Don’t leave in anger.”

She didn’t reply. So, he said, “Let’s go inside and talk.”

—

“Why are you so angry?” he asked her once they were inside.

“Won’t you be if I did the same to you?”

He sighed, “Yes. But you are already going through so much.”

“Then don’t make me go through more by hiding your problems from me. It’s not like you can really lie and hide.”

“It’s not a problem Rupali. Just a nagging thought, guilt…”

“Guilt?”

“I… I had thought we would wait. But I got carried away. We were here, lost in our own world and there she needed oxygen. You should have been there. We should have been there. It was like I pulled you away from her when…”

“You are so hard on yourself. Way too hard. Let go.”

“May be… I just… I don’t know. I felt guilty.”

She went forward and held his hands, “At least remember this. Whatever we do, we do it together. You are not responsible for anything alone. Okay?”

He smiled and nodded.

“You have taken it all on yourself for far too long. But now I am there to share your responsibilities.”

“It feels good,” Paritosh said after a few moments of silence.

“You know something. The nurses on duty often send me away when I sit with Mom and she is not conscious. They say my presence will disturb her sleep. I don’t know if that’s indeed the case or that’s just an excuse. May be they do it so that I don’t get depressed sitting there all the time. May be that’s why the doctor asked us not to be in the hospital all the time. May be its not her they are protecting, but us. But there is no way of knowing. If we weep for the dead, does it hurt them because their loved ones are in grief? Or would they feel unloved, if we didn’t weep. If we sit there at Mom’s bed side all the time, would she like it or would she feel bad that we are depressed because of her? We don’t know. We will never know. There are times when people who should be answering the questions are not there to answer them. So, we just have to accept these unanswerable questions, just like we have to accept life. And we have to almost randomly pick our choices. I am trying to be strong, to not break down. I know that’s what she wanted me to do, at least till she was able to express herself. I don’t know what she wants now. No. I can’t become detached. I will keep her alive with the life support, so long as it is possible. I won’t let her go even though it might mean that she suffers for longer. And I know I will cry when she is gone. I will cry so much that you will worry about me. Still I am trying to be strong, to be normal. And you have worked so hard to help me reach here. You should not break down now. Please. Don’t beat yourself up. We can’t do anything for her. Really, we can’t. I have realized and accepted it. But we do have to hold ourselves together.”

“Your Mom would be so proud of you today Rupali.”

“I hope so,” she said blinking back her tears.

“I should leave now.”

“Don’t go. Mom is not here tonight. I am alone.”

“Rupali?”

“And I am scared. Despite all the… brave talk.”

“It’s all right. I will be in the guest room. It’s not appropriate–”

“That’s fine.”

“Good night, Rupali.”

“Good night.”

—

To be continued