“I am, I am sorry…” she sounded almost desperate and it made Mrinal wonder what was up with her, “Please don’t be mad… I will ask Chachiji. I am sure she will agree once she knows that you want it. You won’t have to ask…”

“Antara. I am not mad. Not at you, anyway. And being mad at anyone else isn’t going to do any good. So, relax.”

She did not say anything and took a deep breath. But her brows were still furrowed. Mrinal resisted the urge to run his fingers over her forehead to relax them and just motioned with his two fingers moving away.

“Huh?” she did not understand.

“Your eyebrows. They are so close together as if you are trying to concentrate on solving the world-hunger problem.”

She deliberately relaxed her eyes brows and a small smile appeared on her face.

“Do you have a mobile phone?” he asked.

She shook her head. She didn’t have one!

“Then I am not going to ask for anybody’s permission to gift you one; if that is okay with you. Is it?”

She hesitated for a bit; then nodded.

“Antara. I can feel that you are under a lot of pressure. I don’t know why. But you must know this. That you needn’t feel any of it because of me. I am not here to judge you. And anything we discuss is not reaching another ear; not through me. So, nobody else is going to judge you either. I am probably saying too much, too soon; and confusing you. But I only want to assure you that…” he stopped struggling with the right words to express himself. Then he decided to give up on political correctness and blurted, “That you don’t need to treat it like any other “arranged” marriage proposals that have or would have come your way. None of that judging, questioning and pointless mutual slandering… Nobody will do it to me. Nobody will do it to you. And if somebody is doing it to you, without my knowledge, and that is what is creating all this pressure on you, I hope that someday soon, you will be comfortable in discussing it with me.”

Antara stared at him wide-eyed. But when he looked directly at her, she averted her gaze.

“Did I make you more nervous?” he chuckled.

“No,” she looked up and smiled. “So you don’t like people much?”

“I love the mankind. It’s people I can’t stand.”

It was her turn to chuckle.

“And I love people who get the reference,” he added without realizing that he had indirectly said those magical words to her. She waited for a moment wondering if he realized that. He didn’t. So, she kept her blushing and smiling in check.

“Shall I ask Chachiji?”

“For?”

“For going out…”

“No. No Antara. You are as much an adult as I am… I can’t have you do what I won’t.”

“But you don’t want this either…”

“Yes,” he said somberly, “That means until the wedding, we will have to manage without meeting. Is that okay with you?”

Her cheeks grew crimson, when he said that. What was she supposed to say? If she said it was okay, she would sound too cold. If she said it wasn’t, she would sound too desperate. Why did he put her in such situations? He had just assured her that he wasn’t judging her. But lifelong training of trying to do what others think right, rather than the honest one, couldn’t be shed off just like that. “Whatever you think is right…” she smiled tentatively.

He sighed. She assumed that he was dissatisfied with her not expressing her opinion and putting the entire responsibility on him. He had told her very clearly that he wanted her to talk to him. But how could she just start doing that? Unless she got enough time with him…

But he had more surprise in store for her. “Antara. You were probably expecting that experience… of meeting… of getting to know each other… And I am sorry that I am being so adamant against doing it like this… But before we decide anything about it, you have to answer a question of mine completely honestly. Will you do that?”

What! How could she promise to answer honestly before knowing what the question was? This was their first meeting, for Christ’s sake. Given how considerate he had appeared otherwise during this conversation, she couldn’t assume that he was doing it deliberately.  He just didn’t realize how difficult his questions were for her, did he?

“Mrinal ji…”

“You must answer it honestly, and you won’t regret it.”

“Fine,” she decided to take the risk.

“Is saying ‘no’ to this relationship really an option for you, if you do find me disagreeable?”

Her bravery vanished into thin air on hearing the unexpected question. What kind of a question was that? Why was he asking that? And then she grew thoughtful and sad despite herself. She had always accepted her lot and had learned to be happy with it. Suddenly this man, in their very first meeting, was making her painfully aware of so many things that were wrong with her life. Her dependence, her complete lack of control over even the life-changing decisions… She should hate him… But at the same he was also giving her hope… Of a better future. She would play this game. It could be dangerous, but she would play it all the same. She would answer him honestly. Did she have an option of saying ‘no’?

“No. I don’t,” she said is a low, but firm voice.

“Would the answer be different, if it were somebody other than me?”

“I don’t know why you are asking these things, Mrinal ji. I am a simple girl and I don’t have freedom like you do… No. I would never have had that option once the elders had decided on a match for me. But why do you…”

“Remember what I said earlier, Antara. I am still not judging you. I will tell you why I asked that question. Because if you had that option, I would have made sure that we spend this time together so that you could make-up your mind. But if that option isn’t there anyway, if the wedding has to happen irrespective of what you discover about me, I don’t want to enslave myself, and you, to this way of doing things. I find it almost vulgar. I am an extremely private person, Antara.”

Antara’s misgivings went away and she genuinely felt for him seeing him struggle like this for her sake, “It’s all right, Mrinal ji. Please don’t worry because of me. Really…”

“I will make up for it. Whatever it takes. I promise.”

She smiled shyly.

“How will I give you the mobile phone?” he asked, “Can you come to your garden, or possibly outside your house at around six in the morning? The day after? By tomorrow I should have the phone as well as a number.”

“Like… sneaking out…” she looked incredulous.

“Just once…” he implored.

“If someone sees…” she thought hard and a solution struck her, “I was… thinking… that… my brother is coming in three days. Once he is here, I can send him to you. He will bring me the phone. He won’t talk about it. We can trust him.”

“Your brother?”

“Cousin actually. Chachaji’s son. He is pursuing engineering from IIT Delhi. Will be here for summer vacations and… the wedding…”

“Hmm… Okay…”

“But Mrinal ji…” she started asking tentatively, the stopped.

“Yeah? Tell me?”

“Don’t you… want to… know more about me? Before the wedding…” she completed her question with a lot of effort.

He smiled knowingly, “I know more about you than you can imagine.”

“How?”

“I will tell you someday,” his enigmatic smile continued and for the first time Antara noticed how charming his smile was, “But right now I must leave. I think jailor-approved meeting time is already up. I don’t want either of us to lose social currency.” He chuckled.

She was really disappointed and wanted to prolong her time with him and also wanted him to explain his mysterious claim of knowing her well. But what he had said jokingly was right. If the meeting went on any longer, it would become socially appropriate. So, she smiled slightly and nodded. She will have to wait until the wedding to see what was to become of her life! Whether the hopes would get fulfilled or crushed.

—

To be continued