When Mrinal entered the bedroom that night, he found Antara looking thoughtful.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she managed to smile at him.

“Tired? There were many people.”

She hadn’t cooked. Mrinal hadn’t agreed to it. It would be too exhausting, he had insisted. So, he had only made some kheer for dessert and rest of the food had been ordered from outside. Unlike him social interaction did not tire her out. But that was the best alibi to explain her subdued mood.

“Yes.”

He snuggled up close to her. “How tired?” he asked with a mischievous look in his eyes. He needed his fix. And probably today even she could do with a fix.

“Not that tired,” she replied and put her arms around him. But her body did not respond to the foreplay. They both felt it.

“What is it, Antara?” his control and ability to withdraw surprised her more than his vigor.

“Nothing. You… don’t need to stop…”

“Come on. You know me better than that.”

“I don’t know, Mrinal,” she felt miserable, “Probably… Just…” she hesitated. They hadn’t yet had any occasion to talk about it, “I am expecting my periods soon. I might not be feeling well because of that…”

“Oh! Why are you so miserable about it, you stupid girl. Just tell me. It is true that I can never have enough of you. But it is truer that I hate seeing you in discomfort.”

“I know,” she said. Whatever emotion she was feeling, it was overwhelming her and she feared that tears would betray her. Partly to hide the tears from him, and partly to feel the warmth of his embrace, she buried her head in his chest. He reached out and switched off the lights; then slipped down on the bed while holding her in his embrace.

“Why did you marry me, Mrinal?” she asked quietly.

“Because,” his reply was unhesitant and firm, “I had fallen in love with you.”

The next day her periods indeed started and neither of them were put to the love-making test. She started working on another painting and Mrinal looked like an excited child waiting for the cookies to be baked!

—

Few days later, Mrinal was ecstatic when he came back. “Guess who called me today.”

“Who?”

“Remember Arti Sinha?”

“Yeah. Very well.”

“She wants to use your painting on the cover of her publication’s upcoming book. It’s a collection of literary short stories.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I told her that you will call back to talk further and confirm if you want this. But I guess… you would want this, won’t you?”

“This is so unexpected. But yeah… Any reason I shouldn’t want this?”

“None!” he kissed her forehead. “I am really proud of you, Antara. You should never underestimate yourself.”

Her eyes grew moist. He wasn’t only playing the role of a lover and husband in her life. But also that of the parents she had long lost. Parents who would have cared about her. He had gone a step ahead and was playing the parent she wouldn’t have had even if her biological parents were alive. Because while they had cared about her, she had no reason to believe that their ultimate aim would have been any different than that of her uncle and aunt. To get her married and settled. They would have encouraged her painting because it made for a good matrimonial ad. But this man saw in her the person she was. Beyond being his wife.

She hugged him and rubbed her face against his chest.

“Don’t do that,” his voice was hoarse and he pushed her slightly, “Not unless you are ready.”

She leaned towards him again and kissed his chest. He dragged her to bed without even waiting to change. Antara could feel elation in his love-making.

—

“Just switch that thing off. It is so depressing,” Mrinal complained.

“It is. But it is also the reality.”

They had been watching a crime show on TV, which was supposedly based on real incidents. That episode was about a couple whose abuse and neglect led to the death of their baby girl.

“Yes. And you know what is the most sickening part of it all. That our society makes us believe that we all must have children. And every Tom, Dick, Harry goes about producing babies.”

“Should it be dictated by some authorities who can or cannot have babies?”

“Why not? Come to think of it. If you want to adopt, you have to bend over backwards to prove that you will be an able and a good parent. But if you just decide to have babies, there is no need to prove your parenting abilities. How logical is that?”

Antara found his statement strange. “That’s pretty harsh. Isn’t wanting children a natural thing?”

“I am not so sure, Antara.”

“How so?”

“Come to think of it. Why do most people around us have children? Because it is considered natural. Now, there is indeed a Darwinian urge to multiply and gain dominance for your species. But humans are so evolved that their contribution to their species’ dominance is not limited to producing children. Even if many of us don’t have children, we contribute in other ways. By making the world a better and safer place for fellow humans. So, even with lesser reproduction rate, the species would do fine. But let’s forget something as obscure as Darwin. Just think of all the parents around us. What do they do with their children apart from taking care of them? They boast about them, show them off. It’s silly. Because every parent goes ga-ga over the same set of things every normal child does. What is really happening is that after a point in life, people do not know what more to do with their lives. But there is a need to feel important, successful. Children become a way to fulfill that need. They can’t continue being happy about their own abilities that have stopped developing. Nor do they have any significant achievement to show off. They don’t have a purpose in life either, which will keep them busy. So, they take pride in their children’s developing abilities and achievements. In most cases the abilities and achievements of their children is not significantly different from others of the same age and background. But that little fact is easily ignored. The children become the purpose that they otherwise don’t have. And then they start thinking that they have done some kind of favour to their kids by bringing them in this world and doing all those ‘wonderful’ things for them. But firstly – most parents are quite mediocre at parenting, no better than the next door mediocre parent. Secondly – it was your fucking decision to bring the child to this world. Why should he or she be under some kind of debt? Indian parents are the worst offenders here. The entire thing is so unhealthy from the very beginning that it is doomed. You shouldn’t have a baby, unless you can be a good parent. And have the time as well as resources.”

He was almost panting in excitement when he finished his long monologue. Antara’s amazed stare made him self-conscious.

“I sounded weird, didn’t I?” he gave a self-deprecating smile.

She shook her head and broke into a smile, “No. Just rational. And brutally honest, as usual.”

He chuckled; then turned serious. “Anyway. You needn’t worry. We don’t have to decide now. We have time.”

That made her blush.

“And thank God we live in an era when birth control is possible. So, abstinence is not exactly required,” he grinned and pulled her towards him.

—

To be continued