“Raksha. I… I need time,” he said miserably.

She nodded and left immediately. This wasn’t exactly a visit that would attract prolonged goodbyes.

Antara also made to go away to the bedroom once Raksha left.

“Antara,” Mrinal cried desperately, “Talk to me. Say something. Shout at me… Berate me… Hit me… Kill me, if you want, but don’t walk away. Don’t fall silent. Please…”

She stopped, but did not speak.

“This has been a horrible day, Antara,” his spoke more calmly as he walked close to her and stood facing her, “Your trust in me would be broken. And some of it is difficult even for me to grasp. But God is my witness, Antara, that I have loved you like I didn’t know I was capable of loving. If you have felt that love even for a moment in last few months, please don’t just shun me and end it all. Please give me one more chance and I will explain what I can and atone for others in whichever way you want me to. Please don’t finish our story, Antara…”

“Do I have a choice?” tears clouded her eyes, “I do not have any parents to go back to. I am not financially and emotionally strong like Raksha to live alone…”

“Antara!”

“That is the reality of my situation.”

Oh God! How bitter she was. She, who had never uttered a word of complaint against her fate, who had put up with all wrongs and all the hypocrisies of people around her with a smile…

“No,” he said emphatically, “That is not the reality of your situation. You may reject me emotionally, Antara. But even then, legally speaking, whatever is mine is yours. At least half of it. And your art career is taking off. And once you tell my parents what my past is like, they will take you in like your parents wouldn’t have.  Not having support is not the reality of your situation. But that will be my reality, if you go away. You don’t need to, Antara, but I am begging you to stay.”

“I need time,” she echoed what he had said to Raksha and went back to the bedroom.

Mrinal slumped on the sofa with nothing to do but reflect on what was going on. The diary issue was one kind of bad… But what about this daughter that had suddenly cropped up. This was the unsolvable kind of bad for their relationship. What was he going to do? How was he going to resolve it all? Was it resolvable? Who should he do right by? His daughter? She is young, and helpless. But he didn’t even know of her existence till an hour ago. Or Antara, who he had married of his own accord and whom he had given so much hope?

—

He was still on the sofa with his arm flung across his forehead covering his eyes.

“What do you plan to do?” she asked.

He got up with a start. “I… I am sorry. About?”

“About Raksha? About that little girl?”

“Antara I… I don’t know. Even if she is my daughter, it’s not her that I am thinking about right now. It’s you. I probably sound like a horrible person, but I am not going to lose you for her sake. I will make whatever arrangement I have to make for her. Send her to a hostel. To an orphanage. To someplace…” Antara looked stunned. “And if I am wrong,” he continued, correct me. If I am right, support me. But don’t leave me alone, Antara. Please…”

“She has her father. Why should she be sent to someplace… to live like an orphan?”

“What good a father like me will do to her? If I couldn’t keep a woman with simple pleasures like you happy, what good will I do to a child who will have infinite demands growing up?”

Antara stood silent with her eyes downcast.

Mrinal fell on his knees startling her. He touched her for the first time during the conversation by holding her hand, “I am a flawed man, Antara. But if there is one reason in my life to try and become better, it is you. Before I met you, I couldn’t have imagined saying this for anyone, but I will not be able to live without you. Please save my life. My soul.”

Antara also kneeled to face him and started crying. They didn’t know who initiated it first, but soon both of them were crying in each other’s arms. Antara was hurt; she needed a shoulder to cry on. Mrinal was scared to the bones at the possibility of losing her. He needed a shoulder to cry on. Who else could they have gone to? They had each other; and only each other.

—

“I didn’t know about her, Antara… I don’t even know how it happened. I was always cautious…” they were sitting on the sofa, more collected now.

“Raksha herself admitted that it was her carelessness… ”

“You really think she is my… I would have gone ahead with DNA test…”

“She wasn’t lying, Mrinal.”

“What do I do?” he was agitated.

“We need to adopt her… Formally…”

“We?”

“Who else?”

“This isn’t you mess to clean, Antara,” he said in a low, drowning voice…

“If we are together, Mrinal, we are together in everything. And do you really think I can leave a little girl to be orphaned when it is in my power to prevent it? I might not be big-hearted woman. But this… this situation is too close to heart…”

“You are a big-hearted woman,” Mrinal said with a finality that did not leave any scope for further discussion.

“We are adopting her, then?”

“When you are ready, how can I… Oh God! Antara. I am nervous. Really nervous. I wasn’t prepared for this? I am not prepared…”

“You are a caring man. You will make a great father.”

He grew too overwhelmed to say anything. He just hugged her tight. So tight that she thought he would make love to her right then. But he withdrew.

“This looks like bad fiction, Antara. How could two revelations that could destroy me, happen on the same day. But… if you accept this for me, you would probably forgive me about the diary…”

“I felt violated… And betrayed…” her tone suddenly became solemn.

He kept his eyes downcast like a guilty child and nodded; accepting that she was right in feelings so.

“For a while I could not reconcile with the idea that you… you who has given me so much respect as a person… would do something like this to me…”

Mrinal closed his eyes and pressed his temple, as if unable to take in all she was implying.

“You aren’t that kind of person; that much I know by now. You wouldn’t go around reading people’s diaries for voyeuristic pleasures. What was it then, I wondered. Did you not trust me? Were you looking for the past ghosts… the relationships that I had denied…”

“Oh God! Antara. Please stop,” Mrinal cried miserably. Even if justified, her accusations were going beyond his tolerance. Why weren’t the right words coming to his lips? Surely there was some way of explaining this that will absolve him of such sinister motives.

—

To be continued