Geet didn’t have any classes that day; so she stayed back at home. She had spent some time with Dadi Ma and rest of the time studying. She had wanted to go to the office with Maan. Working on some projects with him helped her in her studies too. But today Maan forbade her from coming as he was extremely busy and he couldn’t have spent time explaining things to her. As the time for his return from the office drew nearer, Geet’s longing for his company increased and she could no longer focus on her studies. She realized how much she was missing the days when they would be in the office together, all the time. She had to wait for three and half years more before those days would come back in her life again. She put away her books. Not knowing what to do until he returned, she absentmindedly went to the cupboard. She startd touching all his clothes and took out the shirt he had worn the day before. On a sudden urge, she smelled the shirt deeply and it made her feel his presence around her. Then she laughed at what she had just done and murmured, “Geet. Pagli ho gayi hai tu bhi. Jaldi aaiye na Maan.”

As she was putting the shirt back, she noticed a leather bound diary. Acting on her child-like curiosity, she picked up the diary and immediately turned the pages. When she noticed Maan’s handwriting, she did not think twice before deciding to read it. What could Maan have to hide from her?

—

“Jo 18 saal ki ladki apni job ke pahle din ek simple, green dress mein mere cabin mein aayi thi, jo mere na chahte hue bhi meri zindagi mein aise sama gayi jaise samandar mein nadi samati hai, uske saath kismat ne aisa khel khela tha ki majbooran woh apne 18 saalon se kahin zyada badi ho gayi thi. Use us zindagi ki chah hi nahin rah gayi thi jo ek 18 saal ki ladki ki honi chahiye. Maine bhi use jo diya woh usmein khush ho gayi. Maine bhi kabhi nahin socha ki uski zarooratein mujhse alag ho sakti hain. Kahin maine bahut badi galti to nahin kar di?”

“Geet apne doston ke saath movie dekhne nahin gayi. Use zaroor bura lag raha hoga, lekin meri wajah se woh ghar aa gayi. Shayad mujhe usse kahna chahiye tha ki woh chali jaye. Ya khud uske saath movie dekhne jaana chahiye tha. Lekin kya use mere saath ja kar mazaa aayega? Apni umra ke logon ke saath woh kitni khush rahti hai. Lekin main use lekar itna swarthi hoon ki jo bhi pal main uske saath bita sakta hoon, usmein use kissi aur ke saath jaane ko nahin kah pata. Main koshish kar sakta hoon use khush rakhne ki, lekin main uske doston ki tarah to nahin ban sakta. Meri zindagi mujhe us stage se bahut aage le aayi hai. Lekin Geet ne to abhi woh sab nahin dekha hai. Woh to us zindagi ko jeena chahti hogi. College, dost, masti – aur in sab ke beech uski shaadi, main, ye ghar? Pahle kismat ne use samay se pahle bada kar diya. Ab main bhi wahi to nahin kar raha?”

“Main dar gaya hoon ki kahin Geet badal na jaye. Kahin woh mujhse door na ho jaye. Woh Geet jise main jaanta hoon, aur jiski duniya mere chaaro or ghoomti hai, kahin kho na jaye. Agar aisa hota hai to Geet ke liye achchha hi hoga. Kyon woh samay se pahle badi ho? Use zindagi jeene, use enjoy karne ka haq hai. Lekin phir mera kya hoga? Pahli baar lag raha ki main uski khushi mein khush nahin ho paunga. Kya main itna swarthi hoon?”

–

Geet looked up with teary eyes towards to door to find Maan just entering the room. Maan panicked as soon as he saw tears in her eyes.

“Kya hua Geet?” he ran towards her and noticed the diary lying beisde her. He was taken by surprise and did not know what to say.

“Geet… Tumne…”

“Maan! Kya aapko sach much lagta hai ki main badal gayi hoon? Aut itna ki aap apne man ki baatein bhi mujhe nahin bata sakte?” Geet was choking on her words as she stood up to go near him.

“Nahin Geet. Aisa nahin hai. Please tum pareshaan mat ho. Ye mera pagalpan tha Geet…”

“Please mujhse jhooth mat boliye Maan. Aapko pata bhi hai ki jab aap apne man ki baat mujhe nahin batate to mujhe kitni takleef hoti hai. Aisa kya badal gaya hai Maan? Kya mere pyaar mein koi kami aa gayi hai?”

“Geet. Kuchh nahin badla hai. Tum mujhse utna hi pyaar karti ho – mujhe achchhe se pata hai. Lekin main dar gaya tha Geet.”

“Kyon?”

“Geet. Zindagi ne tumhein samay se pahle bada kar diya tha. Tumne mujhe waise apna liya jaisa main hoon. Tum meri umra ki zindagi jeene lagi Geet. Aur mujhe kabhi laga hi nahin ki ye natural nahin hai. Lekin jab tumhein tumhare doston ke saath dekha to laga ki har insaan to apni umra ke hisaab se zindagi jeeni chahiye na Geet. Tumhein tumhari umra mein jaise saathi ki zaroorat hai woh main kabhi nahin ban paunga. Ye faasla main nahin mita paunga. Aur tumhein kho kar main jee bhi nahin paunga. Main bahut dar gaya tha Geet,” Maan said everything in one breath, then looked away and added with embarrassment, “Main dara hua hoon Geet.”

“Nahin sudhrenge na aap? Kabhi nahin…”

“Geet!”

“Kabhi to mujhse poochh liya kijiye ki mujhe kya chahiye, meri khushi kismein hai? Padhte honge aap meri aankhein, lekin galti ho jati hai aapse. Koi antaryaami nahin hain aap.”

“Geet. Main…”

“Chup kijiye aap. Bilkul chup.”

Maan just stood there looking stupid, not knowing what to do or say while his sherni was roaring.

Geet started pacing up and down in front of him, as she started speaking at a speed no one other than Maan could have comprehended, “Kya chahte hain aap? Ki main apni umra ke doosre logon ki tarah rahoon. Kaise rahoon main unki tarah, jab mujhe usse bahut zyada ki aadat ho gayi hai?”

“Geet…”

“Chup chap meri baat suniye. Aapko pata bhi hai ki aaj jitna kuchh mere paas hai, jitni khushiyan meri zindagi mein hain, utne ka mere dost sapna bhi nahin dekhte hain. Main agar din bhar unke saath khush rahti hoon to isliye ki main jaanti hoon ki apni shaam main aapke saath bitaungi. Intezaar kar rahi hoon main us din ka jab meri padhai poori hogi aur main phir se aapke saath kaam karungi. Aur aapko lagta hai ki main ek movie nahin jaane se dukhi hoon? Agar mujhe movie dekhni hogi to kya main aapse zid nahin karoongi aur kya aap meri baat nahin maanenge?”

“Of course manoonga Geet. I am sorry.”

“Maan,” Geet’s tone turned emotional, “Aap apni hi kahi baat bhool gaye. Ki main 18 saal ki aur ladkiyon se alag hoon. Sach hai Maan ki main bahut special hoon. Main Maan ki Geet hoon. Meri zarooratein bahut zyada hain. Aur unhein Maan ke alawa koi poora nahin kar sakta. Logon ki kuchh zarooratein maa-baap poori karte hain, kuchh zarooratein dost, kuchh bhai-bahan, aur kuchh unke jeevan-saathi. Meri to saari zarooratein ek hi insaan se poori hoti hain – mere Maan se. Mujhe kissi aur ki zaroorat nahin hai Maan. Aur aapko dard dene ki to main sapne mein bhi nahin soch sakti. To mujhe apna koi aisa sapna poora nahin karna hai, jo aapko pareshaan kare. Mujhe nahin karni hai padhai. Mujhe nahin banane hain dost. Agar aapko sukoon milta hai to main is kamre ke bhi bahar kadam nahin rakhoongi Maan. Aur phir bhi main bahut khush rahungi.”

—

To be continued