Mrinal stood at the door after coming back from college and watched. Mahi was lying on their bed and Antara was lying beside her, propped up on her hands, softly singing a lullaby. The baby was whimpering from time to time, but she patiently patted her and finally put her to sleep.

“Hi!” he spoke and walked in. She was startled by his voice and sat up.

“You came early,” she said looking distracted.

“Yeah. Why is she sleeping now?” he asked about Mahi.

“She has been cranky today,” she said.

Mrinal noticed her picking up some paper from the side table. He didn’t think much about it. He had to give her something. “I have something for you…”

Her reaction surprised him. Her eyes grew wide. She looked scared. “A letter?” she asked, barely able to speak. She had noticed that the envelope was open.

“No. It’s just a form. What happened?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” It wasn’t difficult to see through her lie, when she said, “I think there is something in my eyes. I will go to the bathroom.” The only thing in her eyes were tears. What was up? But Mahi woke up as soon as she got down from the bed. She stopped, looking perplexed.

“I am here,” Mrinal assured her and lied down beside his daughter to calm her down. Antara practically ran to the bathroom.

“What form was it?” she asked after coming back. She had washed her face and was calm now.

Mrinal looked at her, deliberating for a moment whether to ask her about what had just happened, but decided against it. “It is from the college. The student counsellor has resigned. They are looking for a replacement. I thought you could apply.”

“A job?”

“Not a full-time job. You have to be in campus twice a week. And in emergencies, if required.”

“Hmm…” she looked lost.

“Only if you want to apply.”

“Yes. Of course. I will apply,” she found her bearings back, “I just asked because you had already spent so much on converting the outer room to an office for me. It would be wasted if I took a job elsewhere.”

He smiled at her, “Invested, not spent. Trust me. Despite my innocuous profession of teaching, I have a businessman’s blood in my veins.”

She smiled nervously, “I hope it turns out to be a good investment.”

“Don’t worry,” he replied and got down to go the bathroom, “I will freshen up.”

He took a deep breath as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. What was she hiding? Was she troubled by something? What? Could he ask? Did he have the right to ask? He had ignored her before marriage. He had still been occupied with his own issues after marriage, in the process continuing to ignore her, even as she took up all the responsibilities of Mahi. Until the get-together, he didn’t even know about her professional qualifications. She couldn’t be blamed if she didn’t feel like sharing anything with him. What should he do? It was his duty to find out, even if he couldn’t claim the rights. So, he would ask. But he did ask. And she refused to answer.  He could insist; not give up… He suddenly remembered the paper she had hastily grabbed from the side-table when he had come in. It wasn’t there with her when she came back from the bathroom. What was it? And where was it?

He looked in the dustbin. Nothing. Could she have flushed it? He was about to give up on the idea, when he noticed the cabinet above the sink. It had the cleaning supplies and toilet papers. He opened it and fished around. He found a crumpled piece of paper.

“My dearest Antara,

I know you are mad at me. I haven’t come to you till now. But what could I do? Just finding out where you had been sent off by your family was so difficult. But don’t worry. It isn’t easy to come to you in somebody else’s home. But I will come. I know how terrible the life is for you. How unhappy you must be. I am dying to see the smile on your lips and that twinkle in your eyes that came only when you saw me. Wait for me.

I had to change my number. My new number is 99xxx09xxx. I don’t even have your Mumbai number. Please call me. Don’t be afraid of anyone. Love conquers all.

Love
Shashank”

The weather was pleasant, but Mrinal found himself sweating profusely. He stumbled and had to sit down on the closed commode seat. Was this to be his fate? Cuckolded? Every time! Why had he been so blind to everything? Why was she fine with not having any physical relationship with him? What were those burned papers in the dust bin on their wedding night about? Who did she chat with every other night? What was that letter without any name for the sender about? Why was she so alarmed when she thought he was carrying a letter for her? He felt enraged. He would demand answers from her. Why should she do this to him? He got up to go out and confront her, but stopped before opening the bathroom door. His senses kicked in. What was he expecting out of this confrontation? It wasn’t like he had married her out of love. What right did he have of questioning her? She was an orphan, dependent on her uncle and aunt. She had to lie to her aunt even to do a professional course. What control would she have had over who she was married off to? Probably they had married her to him to rid her of this lover? And she had been unable to do anything? The strange ideas of family values and honour that our society holds! If he had met her before marriage, as would be expected even in arranged marriages these days, if he had tried to talk to her and understand her, he would have known beforehand. But he didn’t do any of that. He had hardly paid her any attention even after the marriage. What right did he have to confront her, blame her? She hadn’t done anything blame-worthy. If anything she had made sacrifices for him. She had done more than her duty towards his daughter. He would be left alone and distraught, but he would have to do the right thing by her. And he would save his dignity in the process. He had missed seeing the obvious with Raksha. That he was no longer good enough for her. He wouldn’t let it become that bad with Antara. He would not let her abandon him. He would respect her decision before she has to make it. He looked at the paper and memorized the number that was there.  Then he kept it back in the cabinet, trying his best to place it exactly where it was.

Antara was alarmed to see his shirt drenched in sweat when he came out. “What happened? Are you ill, Mrinal ji?” she asked.

“Must be high blood pressure. I sometimes get that… I will be in the study. I have to grade some assignments.”

“If your blood pressure has shot up, you need to take rest. You can grade later…”

“No Antara. I am running on a deadline. If Mahi troubles you too much, you can leave her with me…”

“I’d be fine,” she replied wondering about his tone turning brittle all of a sudden. Was it because of the blood pressure? Had it suddenly shot up that badly? He had never mentioned blood pressure problems earlier…

—

Mrinal was sure of the situation. He couldn’t recall anything that would indicate otherwise. . He had forgotten how she had shivered when he had barely touched her for a moment on their wedding night. He had forgotten the moist eyes that sometimes stared at him when she thought he wasn’t aware. He had forgotten how she had been the perfect counsellor, the best friend for him, trying to bring him out of his suffering and misery of abandonment. He had forgotten her genuine motherly love and care for Mahi. He assumed that her acceptance of the baby was a matter of not having a choice. Just like this marriage.

“Hello,” Mrinal heard a sleepy drawl at the other end.

“Hello. Am I speaking to Shashank?”

“Yes. Who is it?”

“I am Mrinal Agarwal,” he hesitated before completing his introduction, “Antara’s husband.”

He waited for a reaction from the other end before explaining his purpose, but the call was disconnected immediately. He sighed and then sent an SMS. “I just want to talk to you and do the right thing. Please call back.”

He received a missed call after few minutes. He called back.

—

To be continued