Mrinal felt unsure of the entire idea, when he met Shashank. He was a short, stocky man, who looked anxious and fidgety. He would look around sheepishly as if seeking approval from people around him. Mrinal just couldn’t think of him as a match for the calm, dignified and self-composed Antara. But he shouldn’t go by the external appearances. How he looked could convey nothing about what he was like as a person. His anxiety might just be a result of unusual circumstances. You didn’t have a meeting with your lover’s spouse every day, as Antara would have put it.

—

“Hi!” Antara looked up from the magazine she was reading, when Mrinal reached home with Shashank. But she showed no signs of recognizing Shashank.  She waited for Mrinal to introduce them. Was she capable of so much deception?

Mrinal looked at Shashank, who cleared his throat and smiled at Antara. “Antara. It has been so long…”

Antara frowned, but tried to smile politely, “I… I’m sorry. But do we know each other?”

“There is no need to pretend any longer, Antara. He knows… and understands…” Shashank took a step towards her and she recoiled.

“What.. what’s going on, Mrinal ji?” she addressed him, “Who is he?”

Mrinal was alarmed now. He came closer so that he could come between Shashank and Antara if needed. “You don’t know him? Shashank?”

Her eyes widened in horror and she looked anxiously from Mrinal to Shashank and back. “How did you… What did he tell you… Oh God!” She sounded miserable; but then her voice turned stern and she shouted at Shashank, “Leave. Now!”

“Antara. Why are you doing this? This is the time to set everything all right…” Shashank moved further towards her. But Mrinal came in between.

“Call the security. Make him leave right away,” she addressed Mrinal this time, still sounding mad.

“Let’s go,” Mrinal took Shashank away himself. He wasn’t physically strong. Mrinal did not feel any threat on that count.

“She is just shy and nervous,” Shashank tried to reason with Mrinal on his way out, “Let me talk to her alone.”

“Later!” Mrinal replied, “You should leave now.”

“I will wait outside.”

“Don’t do anything like that. Leave now.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Don’t make me call the security,” Mrinal glared at him and he cowered.

—

Antara was pacing up and down the hall when Mrinal returned. She was furious. Mrinal was already confused to the core. When she came charging at him and started hitting him on the chest, he could do nothing but stand motionless. It wasn’t hurting him physically. In fact, in a strange way, this was the most intimate contact they had ever had.

“Do you have any idea what you have done? You have brought a disillusioned stalker home,” she cried.

“Antara. I…”

“How could you do this? You have a baby at home. Did you think of her safety before bringing a stranger home like that? Did you think of my safety? Your own?” she had stepped away from him now, but her anger showed no signs of subsiding.

Mrinal just stared agape. He had pictured lovers reuniting at the end of this evening. This was going totally astray.

“I want a safe home for myself, for my family. I don’t care what your free-spirited ex-wife would have thought….” She suddenly fell silent, realizing how mean and inappropriate her words became with the mention of Raksha. They were standing in the hall. Anybody, Shayama, the cook or other house help could have come in. It was just a lucky coincidence that none of them were in the house right now.

But Shyama did come back just then with Mahi. She had taken her out as was their regular routine. But Mahi had started crying. “I think it’s the teething troubles, Didi,” Shyama started explaining as she brought Mahi to Antara, but she hesitated when she noticed the state she was in. Something was definitely the matter the way Mrinal and Antara were standing and looking at each other. Shayama hesitated, “But don’t worry. I will take care of her…”

“No,” Antara replied. Although she regretted her outburst, she was still very angry with Mrinal, “Let me take her. At least she trusts me, even without the power of understanding.”

Without sparing even a glance at Mrinal, she walked to the bedroom. After Shayama left to go to her room, Mrinal ran after Antara. Antara washed one of her hands, while still carrying Mahi with the other; and then gently massaged her gums with the clean hand. It soothed the baby’s gums. She looked around for a teether. Mrinal fetched one and brought it to her. He looked like a young child trying to please an angry parent. After Mahi calmed down, Antara laid her down on her baby gym. Soon, she got busy with the toys hanging around her. Antara left her to play, and sat down on a chair. All this time, she did not acknowledge Mrinal’s presence in the room.

“I messed up, didn’t I?” Mrinal finally broke the silence. He was standing at some distance against a wall.

“I didn’t even know him by face. Whatever you suspected, couldn’t you have asked me first?”

“Antara… I…” he was at a loss for explanation.

“I know that you loved her, Mrinal ji,” she spoke in a deliberately controlled and low voice, and kept her eyes downcast, “You loved Raksha ji. You probably still do. And you will probably never be able to love me. Our marriage happened in the circumstances that were not acceptable to you. Still I have to ask. In all these months that we have spent under the same roof, did I not give you any reason to put at least a little bit of trust in me?”

Mrinal stayed silent. Things had gone haywire as it is. To top that Antara was repeatedly talking about Raksha, comparing herself with her, reminding him of all he wanted to forget, things that wore him down. This wasn’t something she often did. Why now!

“Or has my presence in your life become so intolerable that you are just waiting for an honourable reason to get rid of me?”

She looked up when he still did not say anything and was shocked to see silent tears running down in cheeks.

“Oh my God!” she got up worried, “What have I done… I… I am sorry… Mrinal ji.”

“No. I am sorry. I am not supposed to break down. I am a father, a husband… a man… I am not supposed to be weak…”

“No. That’s not how it works. Everyone is allowed to be weak… When life doles out such… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reminded you of her…”

“I don’t know what I would have done without you, Antara,” he burst forth with a completely unexpected declaration for her. “Yes. I was a broken man. I still am. You are right that I had loved her. Despite all the troubles in our married life, I had loved her. Probably marrying so early had been a mistake on my part. But that didn’t change the fact that I had loved her. For all her free-spiritedness, I hadn’t seen this coming. Not after Mahi…”

Tears continued to fall down his cheeks even as he wiped them.

“You have never talked about it, have you?” she asked in a soft, concerned voice.

He shook his head, “But why do you care, Antara? Why should you care? I had loved her and she didn’t care… Why should you?”

—

To be continued