Antara thought for a moment. She recalled that he had just acknowledged that she had been of use to him. “I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he had said. This emboldened her. She went close to him and held his hands. The gesture surprised him. She looked down at their hands as she spoke. “It has been over five years, but I haven’t forgotten that incident. I never will. It was my usual route while coming back from the college. Pretty close to home, but I was still terrified near that street. A group of boys was ever-present there, and I used to be so scared of them. That day I felt like they would not just stop at eve-teasing from far, but would actually molest me. I ran as fast as I could and ran into someone… He was my neighbor. At least his parents were. He did not know that. He didn’t know me either. He didn’t stay at home much; had always stayed away for studies or job. And his mother constantly complained about how disconnected he was from the family and how disinterested in the society around him. I mumbled an apology and he asked if I was all right. I looked back at the boys and he understood. He smiled. It was a condescending smile, but I didn’t mind that because of what he told me next. He told me that those were just confused kids, not some hard-core criminals. What they needed was someone to give them a tight slap. By getting scared and running away I was making them feel the power they didn’t have. And that more often than not, the source of fear is inside us, not outside. But despite the preaching, he did walk by my side for a while and only after I was safely away from the street did he go back. The next day I did precisely what he had told me. I asked one of them to come with me. And as soon as he came closer, I gave him a tight slap. I was never bothered by them again.”

She looked up to see astonishment in Mrinal’s face. She smiled weakly at him. “If you remember the incident, yes, that girl was me. If you don’t… Well that girl was still me. I know it sounds corny, but that was a defining moment for me. There was a lot more that I stopped fearing. Like Chachiji and her admonitions. I wasn’t exactly declaring independence there. It was more difficult than just slapping a teenager. But even the idea of lying to her to do the counselling course… Or running a service online…”

“That sounds like a confident, brave man you had run into. I am not that man. Not any longer.”

“You still are that caring and that understanding man. And you know how to love, whosoever you love. That is all that matters to me. Is it so difficult to believe?”

“It was much easier for me to believe that you had someone else – more deserving – in your life. It was much was easier for me to believe that letter…”

“Letter? Is that how… You read his letters?” she looked surprised and let go of his hands.

“I don’t want to imagine how that sounds. But when I felt that you were hiding something, and were not willing to discuss it with me, and when I found that letter in the bathroom cabinet, I could not stop myself. I am sorry…”

She sighed, “If you have read any of his letters I can’t blame you for believing him. His delusions are complete and coherent. Trust me, Mrinal ji, I didn’t even know him…”

“You don’t need to explain.”

She nodded and looked disappointed.

He understood the look. “But you also need to talk, don’t you?”

“I have been terrified. It has been over a year since he started stalking… I had to close my facebook account, change my e-mail id, phone number… Nothing worked…” her voice quivered as her eyes moistened.

“You never told anyone at home?”

“Chachiji would not have believed that I was a victim. She would have blamed me for doing things to attract attention from boys. Especially with those stories of his… You also believed them…”

“Antara. I am sorry that I never inspired enough confidence in you to share your problems with me. But trust me. I would have believed you if you had told me. It’s just that I saw the letter first. And I was so… insecure… It was easy for me to believe that you had been pressurized by your family for this marriage and that you weren’t given a choice.”

“I had a choice, if you must know.”

He looked at her questioningly.

“I had a choice,” she continued, “Of marrying a man, who didn’t have a past so-to-say, not like you. No infants to take care of. But whom I knew a bit too well. He wanted a wife because that is what everyone did. Get a good-looking wife at home — decked up in expensive clothes and jewelry with the family money — who he could show off to his friends, and who would keep his kitchen and bed warm. One who wouldn’t question why he was a womanizer and a drunkard, while pretending to be this obedient, samskaari son at home. The other option was marrying a man I admired. From that incident and from all the complaints his mother heaped on him. I knew that I may never be able to win his love. But I did think I would have a dignified life with him. And till now… I haven’t been proven wrong.

“Antara!”

“I am talking too much today… But none of this means that you have any obligation towards me…”

“Could you be… happy with me, Antara?” His anticipation and anxiety were impossible to miss, as he cautiously asked that.

“Jealous and bitter as I sometimes feel about her… it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to be here, with you.”

“Jealous and bitter? You? Are you even capable of such lowly emotions?” she saw him smiling through his tears.

“I am a mere mortal.”

“Mere mortal with infinite ability to keep her emotions under lid? You never talked to me, Antara. Never told me any of this.” He moved closer and held her by arms.

A complaint would never have been sounded so much like music to anyone’s ears earlier. “I had married a man whom I admired. But he was also the one who had never noticed me even as his neighbour. And the one who was in love with someone else. And broken as a jilted lover. It didn’t look like that he needed me even for the purported purpose of this marriage — looking after his daughter. I had to learn even the diaper-changing from him. What could I have said? Silence was awkward, but proclamation of love wasn’t exactly going to be… You were not the only one who was insecure. And yet, despite knowing what I had chosen, I couldn’t help hoping… That someday… you will notice me…” she confessed.

His hands moved up her arms, to her shoulders and neck, until they finally cupped her face. She shivered and closed her eyes. He bent down and pressed his lips against hers. She didn’t resist as he hungrily plundered her mouth. Suddenly they heard Mahi cry and withdrew. Mrinal looked perplexed, while Antara chuckled at the situation. Mrinal also smiled after her and together they walked towards the bed. Mahi was trying to reach a toy hanging from the baby gym, which had somehow been tangled up and had gone beyond her reach. Antara untangled it, and the baby was happy to be playing with it again.

—

To be continued