Mathew was unaware of the storm lurking behind their seemingly normal bearings. “Ashutosh. Ye bhi ek reason hai ki mujhe lagta hai tumhein teaching mein aana chahiye. Ye Dr. Nidhi Verma. Kamaal ki training di hai tumne inhein. Waise to khud bhi PG student hi hain, lekin ward mein MBBS interns inse itna darte hain jitna ki mujhse bhi nahin darte. Mazaal hai ki koi paanch minute bhi der se aaye. Ya zara bhi apni duty shirk kare. Aur khud to ye hamesha samay ke pahle hi taiyaar rahti hain. Aur haan – apni in saari aadaton ka credit tumhein deti hain. Kyon Dr. Nidhi?”

Nidhi smiled nervously, “Sir aap bhi… Hello, Dr. Ashutosh. Aap kaise hain?” she kept up the pretence by asking expected question.

“Main theek hoon. Aur aap?” he followed the suit.

She gulped slightly before replying, “I am fine.”

“Dr. Nidhi. Aapse ek favour chahiye tha,” Mathew said.

“Yes Sir?”

“Dr. Ashutosh yahan ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaye hain. Aur mujhe abhi unhein lunch par le jaana hai. Lekin meri ek urgent lunch meeting schedule ho gayi hai. To main ja nahin sakta. Taste of Delhi restaurant mein do logon ke liye table booked hai. Agar aap lunch time par free ho to kya aap Dr. Ashutosh ko host kar sakti hain?”

“Ji?” Nidhi looked at Ashutosh unsurely. But he looked impassive. “Main free hoon,” she said hesitatingly, “In fact post-lunch bhi meri duty nahin hai. To koi problem nahin hogi.”

“That’s great then. Ashutosh. Tumhein ek taxi mili hui hai, right? Aap log use use kar sakte hain.”

“Okay, Dr. Mathew. Waise main aapko ye project reports dene aayi thi,” Nidhi handed him a file.

“Yeah. Thanks. Main ise padh loonga.”

“Chalein, Dr. Ashutosh? Ek baj rahe hain, lunch ka time to ho hi gaya hai.”

“Yeah.”

—

They were quiet during the short drive to the restaurant. They had met after more than year. A lot had been done in between, and very little said. Ashutosh had cast her away from his life. It wasn’t easy to break the ice and the presence of driver made it impossible.

But as soon as they were seated, Ashutosh could not bear the silence any longer. “I am sorry,” he blurted.

“Kis liye?” she tried hard to control it, but her voice quivered.

“Yeah,” he spoke, his guilt apparent, “Bahut saari cheezon ke liye. Jo maine kiya, aur jo main kar raha hoon, sirf isliye ki mujhe nahin pata hai ki what can I do better.”

They were interrupted by the waiter who served them the water and asked them if they wanted to go a-la-carte or for the buffet. Ashutosh looked at Nidhi.

“Buffet,” she told the waiter. That would give them more time to themselves without any interruptions. They served themselves soup and salad and came back to their table.

“Aapne mujhe bataya bhi nahin ki aap yahan aa rahe hain?” Nidhi questioned him.

Ashutosh nodded, but stayed silent.

“Agar main abhi Dr. Mathew ke office mein nahin aati to mujhe pata bhi nahin chalta…”

“Nidhi, please!” Ashutosh pleaded. He had no answers for her.

She stopped talking and started sipping her soup. They went through the motion of having their lunch without talking further.

“Aapke paas abhi time hai?” she finally asked when they came out of the restaurant.

“Haan. Meri flight raat mein hai.”

“Ghar chalenge aap?”

“Ghar?”

“Well – ek bedroom ka chhota sa flat hai…”

“Lagta hai PG students ki salary badh gayi hai,” Ashutosh joked, “Akele flat le kar rah rahi ho?” It was unsual for PG students to stay on their own. Typically they would share accommoation with other students.

“Baba pay par rahe hain iske liye.”

“Hmm.. Chalo phir.”

The little joke about the salary had finally broken the ice. But they stayed silent during the drive because of the driver.

“Mujhse bahut naaraaz ho, Nidhi?” Ashutosh asked her after they reached her home.

“Aapse naraaz ho kar kissi ka kya kar loongi main?” Nidhi replied sadly.

“I want you to move on, Nidhi. I want you to be happy.”

Her eyes grew moist on hearing that.

“Nidhi…”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Duniya mein do log hain jinse main bahut pyaar karti hoon.  Aur itni khushkismat hoon ki woh do log bhi mujhse bahut pyaar karte hain. Hamesha meri bhalai ki sochte hain. Lekin phir bhi – woh dono jo aaj kar rahe hain, use mujhe khushi milne ki jagah sirf pain mil raha hai. Hurt ho rahi hoon main. Unke intention mein to koi burai nahin hai. Main unse shikayat bhi nahin kar sakti. To iska matlab to ye hua na ki mujhme hi kuchh galat hai? Mujhme hi koi kami hai ki mere aas paas itna pyaar hote hue bhi main khush nahin hoon? Bataiye na, Dr. Ashutosh? Kya galat hai mujhme? Baba bhi meri bhalai chahte hain; aap bhi. Lekin phir bhi main khush kyon nahin hoon?” Tears started flowing out of her eyes unhindered.

“Oh God!” Ashutosh shut his eyes in pain. How miserable she was, and how poignantly she had managed to convey it. Then he went to her and pulled her in his arms, “I had no idea… I am ashamed to admit, Nidhi, ki main apne dard mein, apni pareshaaniyon mein itna kho gaya ki kabhi socha hi nahin ki maine tumhein akele chhod diya hai. I am so sorry. I am really sorry, Nidhi. Main bahut sharminda hoon. Main bilkul andha ho gaya tha…”

“Aapne apna phone kyon disconnect karwaya?” Nidhi demanded after they broke the hug.

“Main… Mujhe laga… Ab main kya explain karoon, Nidhi? Obviously main galat tha. Jaise main soch raha tha, woh galat tha…”

“Lekin soch kya rahe the aap? Dr. Rangnath ko promise kar ke bhi aap wedding mein nahin aaye… Phir ghar se bhi gayab the… Aur uske baad…”

“Nidhi. Jis wajah se maine aane ka waada kiya tha, usi wajah se use tod bhi diya. Main taiyaar hua tha wedding mein aane ke liye. Kyonki main tumhein dekhna chahta tha, tumse milna chahta tha. Lekin aakhiri waqt par mujhe realize hua ki jo kuchh main kar raha hoon, usse tumhare Baba ko jo waada kiya tha woh tod raha hoon. Isliye shaadi mein nahin aaya. Phone disconnect karwa diya kyonki mujhe laga ki hamara phone par baatein karna, rather chup rahna, bhi sahi nahin tha. Jab tak tum Lucknow mein thi, utna waqt maine khud ko, hum dono ko diya tha… Lekin uske baad… Main khud par to sakht ho hi raha tha. Lekin maine ye nahin socha ki tum par kitna sakht ho raha tha main.”

“Phone katwa kar aapne mere saath bahut bura kiya, Dr. Ashutosh,” all the annoyance that she had kept buried inside her all these days was coming out now. She hadn’t been able to share it with even Anji or Armaan, “Aapko pata hai main kitna tadpi hoon aapki awaaz ek baar sunne ke liye? Sirf woh ‘hello’ jo aap bolte the. Kabhi-kabhi woh bhi nahin bolte the. Bas phone utha kar apna kaam karte rahte the. Lekin usse mujhe kitna sukoon milta tha. Aap bahut bure hain. Bahut bure hain. Bahut galat kiya aapne mere saath,” Nidhi complained and started crying again.

“Nidhi. Please, please rona band karo. Suno – main abhi tumhare saath chal kar naya connection leta hoon. Pre-paid immediately mil jayega na. Tumhare naam se le lenge. Tumhara to address proof bhi hoga. Abhi chalo…”

“Ye Delhi ka number hoga. Lucknow mein roaming par rahega.”

“To kya hua? Chalega to hai na. Chalo abhi mere saath…”

Nidhi smiled finally, “Uski zaroorat nahin hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Mujhe aap par bharosa hai. Aap Lucknow ja kar naya number le lijiyega. Abhi bas aap baithiye. Jo thoda samay hai, main aapke saath bitaana chahti hoon. Main aapke liye chai laun?”

“Button daba kar?” Ashutosh asked playfully.

“Nahin. Paani electric kettle mein garm kar ke usmein tea-bag daal kar.”

Ashutosh laughed and nodded.

—

To be continued