Dear Mr. Sen,

Thanks you for writing. Things are fine with me. The new job comes with a generous health insurance for family apart from a good salary. The publisher has told me that first royalty cheque will also be in soon. It seems that all your expenses on marketing of the book are paying off. I am only fighting an emptiness within myself.

Had you sent Akash to me? It wasn’t a good idea.

Sincerely
Karishma

—

Dear Karishma,

Did something go wrong? What did Akash say? I am worried. Please reply soon.

Siddhartha

—

Dear Mr. Sen,

I am all right. There is nothing to be worried about. It just wasn’t comfortable meeting him. I don’t know what you were trying to do. But certain things aren’t meant to be. And this one has nothing to do with you or with what I did.

The publisher wants me to write another novel. Is this also your doing?

How is your story or novel coming along?

Sincerely
Karishma

—

Dear Karishma,

Would you please call me Siddhartha? I haven’t said anything to the publisher about another novel from you. This is completely your own doing.

In couple of weeks, I should be able to send you a draft for my novel. Yes. I wrote it that quickly.

Love
Siddhartha

—

“Love” – that one word in the letter took her breath away. She clutched the letter to her heart and let a drop of tear fall from her eyes. She spent the entire week almost in a daze. If she did manage to maintain some sanity, it was because of a very important deadline at work, which was straining the resources of the entire company, Karishma’s included. By Wednesday the project had been handed over to the client. On Thursday she received another letter from him before leaving for work. The day was slow and leisurely. She read the two letters repeatedly. The latter one dripping with anxiety.

“Karishma. You are worrying me again. Why haven’t you replied? What is going on in your head?”

She remembered that Thursdays were his no-meetings days. He didn’t accept any appointments on that day. He would not be busy with anyone else.

—

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. But I can’t disturb him today. You must get an appointment,” his secretary was not relenting.

“If you would just ask him once…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Neha. Send these back to legal and ask them to expedite it. We need this closed…” Karishma forgot to breathe as she saw Siddhartha striding towards his secretary, who was also affected similarly. But she had a job to do. “Yes Sir. You could have just called me…”

But Siddhartha was no longer listening to her. Because he had noticed Karishma standing there. It took even him a few moments to find his voice. “Hi,” he greeted uncertainly.

“Hi,” she barely whispered back.

The effect seeing Karishma had on Siddhartha was not lost on his secretary. She had intended to tell Siddhartha that the woman was bothering her. Instead, she just stood there deferentially.

“Neha. Do I have any appointments now?” he asked.

“No Sir. It’s Thursday.”

“Right. Come,” he motioned Karishma to follow him and she did.

“What happened?” he asked as soon as he locked the door of his office behind them.

“N… Nothing. I… just… I just wanted to see you.”

“Karishma…”

“I know. It was a stupid idea. Actually I was going to go back. Unfortunately you came out…” she blabbered.

“Karishma!”

“It’s not good for you, not for me… I will leave…”

He grabbed her hand as she turned, pulled her back and before she knew it his lips were locked to hers. Unprepared, she was out of breath soon and had to step back.

“Give me you bloody number. I was going to call Bittu again tonight. Why the hell were you not writing?” his voice croaked.

She gulped hard and kept her eyes downcast. He softened as he realized that she was really out of her depth. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

She nodded, still not looking at him.

“Aren’t you going to talk to me?”

“You shouldn’t have spoken to Akash.”

“What happened?”

She recalled and tried to reproduce the conversation as well as she could.

—

“Karishma. I was really shocked that evening…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Akash. What can possibly come out of it? I don’t have any explanations and I don’t want to give any.”

“I didn’t know about your problems, Karishma.”

“It doesn’t change anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I had done whatever I had to do before you had come back. And then…”

“But you hadn’t done anything. You still haven’t, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I met Siddhartha Sen. And he told me that…”

“That we haven’t slept together.” He had nodded and she had given a sardonic smile. “Even that doesn’t change anything, Akash. It was a coincidence that I went to him and he decided to not take me to bed. I could have gone to someone else. Or he might have decided otherwise. As far as I am concerned, I had made my decision. And I can see how uncomfortable it makes you. That’s fine. That’s not your fault. My mess isn’t worth your time, Akash. Move on.”

“Do you not feel anything, Karishma? About us? That evening in my apartment…”

She had thought about it for a moment – a moment of introspection. And then it had dawned upon her. “I’m sorry that I did it, Akash. I am really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t aware of what was going in my own head. I had gone to bed with you, because he wouldn’t take me.”

What she didn’t feel for Akash, she felt for Siddhartha. And that conversation had made her realize that.

—

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” Siddhartha asked.

She didn’t reply.

“Karishma. Thanks a lot for coming.”

“You aren’t angry?”

“I just said – thanks. I think that means I am thankful.”

“Why would you be thankful?” She looked up without realizing it.

“I had made a rule that I regretted. But I couldn’t have broken it myself.”

“I should not have broken it either.”

“Why the regret?”

“There was a reason you had made the rule in first place. It isn’t good for either of us.”

“What do you want, Karishma?”

“Excuse me?”

“Forget about all the complications, considerations, people, our history… Forget about all of that and tell me what brought you here today? What is that one thing that will make you happy?”

She looked at him with puzzled expression. “I don’t know what you want to hear.”

“I want to hear what I asked. What will make you happy today? Right now?”

“Spending time with you…” she managed to answer.

“Do you feel the need to get married to do that?”

She shook her head.

“Who we spend our evenings with is nobody’s business. Karishma,” his voice grew thick with emotions, “I have missed you.”

She downcast her eyes as tears filled them up.

—

To be continued