Piyali drew a sharp breath on seeing him enter her room and shutting the door behind him. He sat beside her, closer than he had ever been during her hospital stay. Even on the flight back, in their business class seats, she had sat with her father, while he had taken a seat in the row across them. He hadn’t been this close to her since the day of that fateful hug…

“Can you sit up?” he asked.

“I will need help,” she replied.

He went forward and helped her sit up, feeling her body tremble at his touch. Then he drew her into a gentle hug. She broke into sobs. He pulled back. “Why are you crying now, Pihu Rani?” A name that he used only in private!

“Probably because you can see it now. Probably because I have desperately wanted to cry before you. You used to come to Mumbai every month, Mukundo Babu. Without informing even Baba about it. And you didn’t ask after me even once in these two years? You weren’t bothered. You didn’t miss me at all, did you?”

“Piyali,” he choked on his words, “I obsessively followed you. But I had to do it non-intrusively. I checked your research group’s website every day. Read every paper you ever published, every conference presentation of yours… There was nothing else you ever updated anywhere. Not even a photograph… How I craved to get just one glimpse of you… But you were doing well. I thought you had moved on. I didn’t want to derail you.”

She pursed her lips.

“So, you will not forgive me?”

She shook her head.

“Not even if I told you how I have suffered every moment in these two years because I missed you? And even more because I felt guilty? And even more because I thought you had moved on?”

She shook her head even as her eyes grew moist.

“Not even if I told you that there are no obstacles for us now; Kaku has agreed?”

“Agree to what?” she didn’t seem to get his import.

“Agree to what?” he chuckled, “What do you think?”

“Don’t get my hopes high, Mukundo Babu. Speak it out clearly.”

He cupped her face and planted a kiss on her forehead. Their eyes were locked in each other’s for a while. Then he bent again and gave a quick peck to her on her lips. Her tears started flowing, fruitlessly trying to cool down her cheeks, which had grown hot and red with his proximity.

“That’s enough,” he wiped her tears with his thumb while he continued to hold her face in his hands, “You know how weak you are, don’t you? Crying won’t do.”

“I hate you, Mukundo Babu.”

“You can punish me whichever way you want. But stop crying.”

She wiped her own tears and he let go of her face.

“How did Baba agree?” she asked.

Mukundo suspected that Mr. Banerjee’s own terminal illness had a bigger role to play in his acceptance than anything else. But he wouldn’t tell her that. No daughter would be able to come to terms with her father’s approaching death being the reason she was granted her love. Not Piyali of all people, over-sensitive as she was. Besides, this wasn’t the time to reveal his illness to her.

“He is your father, Piyali. How long could he have seen you suffer like this?” he wasn’t being untruthful. This was part of the reason for sure. There was one more! “Besides, he hadn’t realized earlier that I reciprocated your emotions.”

“I had started doubting so too,” she said.

“Yes. I am a bigger culprit for staying silent than I thought. I still hope that you will forgive me some day.”

“I still hate you.”

“I accept the punishment. Just get well quickly, Pihu Rani. Seeing you like this is too cruel a punishment even for a crime like mine.”

She initiated the hug this time. But she mumbled, “I still hate you.”

—

Mr. Banerjee retreated from Piyali’s door, when he realized that Mukundo was there with her. He asked Promila, the housekeeper, to take the juice and medicine for Piyali.

They broke the hug when Promila knocked on the door. Mukundo took the tray from her and made Piyali drink some juice with his own hands. After a few sips, she stopped him because tears flooded her eyes again. Mukundo looked at her helplessly.

“What had gone so wrong, Mukudno Babu? Had I presumed something that was not on your mind? Had you not understood me?”

“I had understood you, Piyali. How could I not? You had just discovered your feelings, but mine had been the same since before you went to Mumbai. I just wished I had stopped you in time from voicing them.”

“I hadn’t meant to say anything to Baba without talking to you first. But for some reason he was after my life to meet some boy or the other. I just blurted out… I didn’t realize it would make you so angry,” she spoke through her tears.

“Angry?” Mukundo was confounded.

“There hasn’t been a single moment since then that I have not regretted doing that…”

“And drove yourself to the brink of death and madness?”

“Do you know what was the longest before this that I hadn’t talked to you?”

“What?”

“Four days. When you had disappeared after a Nihu Di’s wedding. I was already on the brink of madness then. And this time, I had to survive for two years on just two words from you. Take care! That was the end!”

“You didn’t take care, did you?”

“I am alive, despite knowing that you were angry with me; and probably ashamed… You can’t ask for more, Mukundo Babu.”

“Oh Piyali! I wasn’t angry at you. I was just sad, incredibly sad. I hadn’t wanted to reach for more and lose even what we had. Which was what happened. I had anticipated Kaku’s reaction. And after seeing him react that way, I just couldn’t bring myself to come near you, to even talk to you. It felt like a betrayal towards him… Still, I hadn’t been able to resist meeting you once. So, I had told Kaku that I would drop you to airport. He had accepted that and I… I couldn’t ask for more. I couldn’t ask for you! ”

His own tears betrayed him. He lifted her hand and rested his forehead against it. She brought her other hand to him and dug into his hair with her trembling fingers. It sent an electric jolt through his body and he took a sharp breath. Then he lifted his face up and held both her hands to stop her from touching him. She might, quite innocuously, make him lose control.

“Do you know why I had disappeared after Nihu’s wedding?” He might have held up better physically, but emotionally he had suffered every bit like her. He also needed to talk.

“Why?”

“Because that’s when I had realized that you had grown into this beautiful woman. And that my love for you was no longer just platonic. I had grown so restless and was so scared of facing the consequences… I just wanted to disappear.”

She stared at him wide-eyed.

“And then you came to me. You started crying. I couldn’t bear to see you crying, Piyali.”

“So, you came back? You came to see me every month? You saw me going around with someone else, and never said a word?”

“Because I couldn’t see as much as a frown on your face. And even a hint of my feelings would have destroyed things, destroyed your life and peace. As they did eventually. I could never forgive myself for letting it on in that one moment of weakness. What do you think I am going through now? Seeing you like this?”

“My safety net had been taken away, Mukundo Babu. I couldn’t soar high. I just sunk down. Deep down. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t hold it on my own.”

“Somebody should have told me, Piyali. You, or Kaku. Somebody! I know my silence is unforgivable, but this wasn’t fair to me. I had thought you didn’t need it any longer. But if you needed it and couldn’t depend on my safety net, my life was meaningless. I am feeling extremely frustrated and angry right now.”

“No. Mukundo Babu. Please. Don’t talk about being angry. It shatters me,” Piyali said miserably.

“I am sorry,” he gave her another gentle and affectionate hug, “Don’t worry now. We will figure out everything. You only have to focus on getting well. Nothing else. Here – your juice and medicine.”

—

To be continued