Siddhartha woke up as soon as the dawn broke. He woke Karishma up too and together they tried to find their way back. Midway, they met the policemen who had come in search of them. They were taken back to the hotel and finally everyone was at ease. After breakfast, they started back for Mumbai.

Karishma and Siddhartha were seated in different buses, both of them hardly aware of people around them.

“It won’t work, Siddhartha,” he recalled Sonali saying, “I can adjust. But you would be miserable. You want children so much. And if you are miserable, it won’t work out. Not at all.”

His problem had been discovered unintentionally, while treating an innocuous, temporary urinary tract infection. He had thought it right to tell Sonali right away. He hadn’t tried to influence her decision in any way; he hadn’t tried suggesting options about which he knew more than Karishma did. Thinking about Karishma brought a faint smile to his lips. But he shouldn’t think about her. She was being kind, but that didn’t mean anything more. It couldn’t. She was too young to know her mind. She had far too idealistic notions of the world. But yes – he couldn’t help comparing her kind, understanding reaction with Sonali’s. As if the pain of his inadequacy was not enough, Sonali had tried to impress that the relationship must be broken for his sake, and not hers. He was the culprit whichever way one wanted to look at it. But it was her decision to make. He had gracefully retreated. Not bothering even to point out to the cruelty and irrationality of her logic.

But did that bring him peace of mind? Wouldn’t it have been better to be impotent? To not have the desires in the first place, when there was no legitimate way of fulfilling them? Desires that he had gone around fulfilling in the ways he was averse to. He had never visited a prostitute during his student days. A sort of coming of age ritual many of his friends followed. But now – faced with the prospect of life-long loneliness he had given in.

He could never be at peace. And what he had seen in Karishma’s countenance yesterday could destroy her peace too. He would have to talk to her. He made a mistake in getting so intimate with her. He would have to rectify that.

—

“Still traumatized, aren’t you?” Mou asked gently.

Karishma smiled back, “Not really. If he hadn’t reached there, it would have been a different matter. I would have died of fear and anxiety.”

“Don’t talk like that. Who is calling now?” she took out her ringing phone. “It’s from your home Karishma. Why would they call me?”

“Probably my phone is not reachable. But I don’t want to talk to anyone, Mou. Tell them I am in a different bus and I will call once we are back in campus.”

Karishma started looking out of the window and didn’t see Mou’s changing expressions as she talked on phone. She didn’t even pay attention to her friend was talking about. Mou’s face was pale by the time she disconnected the call. “Karishma,” she touched her shoulder. Karishma grew surprised as her friend held her tight. “Listen carefully. And don’t be weak.”

“What is it, Mou?”

“Uncle… You father had a heart attack…”

“Another one?” Karishma’s eyes grew wide is shock.

“Yes. You need to go home urgently.”

“Mou… Is he…” She was shaking awfully.

“He is alive. Right now. But you need to go. We’ll pass by the airport on our way back. I am going to talk to Mrs. D’Souza. The bus will drop us at the airport and we’ll buy you a ticket. Okay?”

Karishma nodded absent-mindedly. All color had drained out of her face. It was deadly white. She followed Mou listlessly as they got down at the airport, Mou found out about the next available flight and booked a ticket for her. She hugged her before leaving. “Take care, Karishma.”

“Mou!” she finally came to herself, “Will you inform Prof. Sen?”

Mou nodded.

“What will you inform?” she muttered, “Tell him that I won’t come for the weekly meeting and I will miss the presentation too.”

“Don’t worry. I will tell him.”

“Pray for my father, Mou,” she was close to tears now.

“Oh Karishma. Don’t worry. Everything will be all right.”

She gave her another tight hug and Karishma walked towards the check-in counter.

—

Karishma had been her Daddy’s girl. In that huge household, with so many children growing up together, it was hardly possible for any grown up to lavish any special care on any of the kids. Someone or the other was always in the need to instant attention owing to some accident or illness. Nobody was ignored, of course. There was just too much communal care to allow any personal bond. But she still had that with her father. He seemed to understand what she wanted. Her going away from home for studies was an extra-ordinary decision in her conservative business family. But he had made it possible, although she hadn’t openly asked to be allowed. He had seen her applying to this prestigious college and had promised her that if she got the admission, the rest would be his responsibility.

This was the third heart attack he had had in last few years.  She wanted to hope despite herself. But her mind would just not shut up with its doomed predictions. Moroseness prevalent at her home was hardly unexpected when she arrived. Everyone rushed her to his room.

“He has been asking for you since morning,” she was told.

“Karishma. My child. Is that really you? Or am I hallucinating?” How weak he sounded. Her heart sank, but she controlled her tears.

“It’s me, Papa. I have just come.”

“You’d be tired.”

“Not at all, Papa.  It was a short flight. But you must not talk, Papa. You are weak.”

“Time to cling to life is over darling. You must listen to me carefully.”

She was incredulous about what she heard. She was the eldest child in her generation. When she was little, the family business had gotten into serious financial trouble and they were on the verge of bankruptcy. At that time, an acquaintance of theirs, a Jain family, had come to their rescue. “That was not the time of these fancy credit instrument and insurances,” her father explained, “Only someone shelling out hard cash could have saved us.”

That family had its own problem. There had been some scandals about the girls for that family for last two generations. They were, therefore, derided by the community and no respectable family wanted to have any marital ties with them. They wanted a promise from Karishma’s family that when she grows up, she will be married into their family. It hadn’t, at first, been acceptable to Karishma’s father. But finally it had been decided between them that the agreement will be kept only if the boy turned out to be suitable. That was, he should turn out to be well-educated, well-settled either in family business or outside, and had no bad habits.

—

To be continued