Chandrika had almost recovered, except for some weakness. But she was not at ease. She spent most of her waking hours with her sister.  But Madhu had changed. She wasn’t questioning her about her suicide attempt. Even otherwise, she did not coach her about anything, or point out her mistakes. Bhumimitra was not visiting her at all, although she was aware that he stayed up to date on her condition through servants and through Madhu. He hadn’t said a word to her since she had gained consciousness. She had started wondering if all that she had heard him say on her sickbed were her hallucinations. He seemed determined to not talk to her any longer. It bothered her endlessly. But she wasn’t able to talk to even her sister about it. Madhu was pretending as if nothing was unusual about her life.

That day she was still with her sister, when he came into Madhu’s room. Did she forget to keep track of time? Or had he come earlier? She jumped up, greeted him hastily with folded hands and walked out of the room. She had walked slowly hoping that he would stop her, ask after her, or even scold her. But he didn’t say a word, and she came out disappointed. What she didn’t see, but Madhu did, was how miserably he looked after her, straining to stop himself from talking to her.

She could not help asking him, “Why are your torturing yourself like this? Why don’t you talk to her?”

“Did you tell her anything?” he asked alarmed.

“No! How can I? But can’t I see what you are doing to yourself…”

“She is scared of me, Madhu. I don’t want to…”

“But you can’t go on like this…”

He got annoyed, “If you also have a problem with my company, you can just tell me that. You don’t need to make alibis…”

“Swami!” her eyes filled with tears at the accusation.

“I’m sorry…” he immediately realized his mistake.

“If I don’t dream of or demand for things like not having rivals, it’s because I am practical. It doesn’t mean that I love you less…”

“I know,” he went to her and held her, “And I am sorry. I really am. Time passes on, Madhu. And sometimes we forget to express our appreciation of things that matter to us. A man can love in many ways. And I must tell you how much I appreciate and love you for what you are, how you have been a rock-solid support to me since you have come here, and how deftly you have managed this place. More than loving you, I respect you for all of this… I’m sorry that I never said that…”

“That’s enough, Swami,” tears were rolling down her cheeks, “You don’t need to… Everything doesn’t have to be spelled out. You are as generous and caring a husband as any woman could ever want. You asked me before marrying her. You didn’t need to…”

“And believe it or not, Madhu, Chandrika has taught me to value you even more. By caring as much for you as she does… I cannot change what has already happened and I cannot even deny the passion she evokes in me. But I promise that I will not marry again. I have already promised her…”

“Promised her? Did she ask you…”

“No.  She didn’t. But I have still promised her, when she was sick. And I fully intend to keep it.”

Words refuse to leave her throat as stared wide eyed at her husband. Had she heard it right? He drew her in an embrace.

—

“Chanda!” Madhumita came to her room the next day.

“Madhu! Why did you bother coming here yourself? You could have called me. Please sit.”

“Why were you crying?”

She did not pretend after this direct question. “What am I to do, Madhu? What am I alive for? I should have died. He is not even talking to me. Not even scolding…”

“Oh! My tongue is tied by his order, Chanda. But why don’t you initiate the talk then?”

“I’m so ashamed…”

“Why this ego? With him? What is the worst that can happen? He will scold you, right? Can’t you take it?”

“I might be able to take it. But when and where do I talk, Madhu? He doesn’t even come here…”

“Go to him. Go to his chamber. He would be there right now too…”

“His chamber?”

“Oh yes, my sister. You are allowed everywhere. Do go now. Don’t torture everyone. Go!”

—

His aide was not outside his chamber. There was no one who could announce her. Hesitatingly, she went to his door. The aide was inside and Bhumimitra was shouting at him for something. Apparently his stole was not ironed properly. Since when did he start losing temper at such small things, she wondered and gulped hard.

He fell silent when he noticed her. He dismissed his aide immediately and beckoned her to come in and sit. She gingerly sat at the edge of the bed, but stood up when she noticed that he was still standing.

“Please, sit down,” he spoke. The first words!!

Shivering for unknown reasons, she resumed her seat.

“How are you feeling?” his gentle question filled her with shame.

“I wanted to apologize,” she blurted instead of replying to his question.

Silence hung uncomfortably between them for a few moments. She did not dare look up at him.

At length he spoke, still sounding calm, “No. Don’t apologize. Just explain to me. If you felt so strongly about something, if you had such strong objection that you thought nothing of taking away your life, why did you not tell me? Hadn’t I asked you repeatedly?”

A lump formed in her throat, and it took her some time to be able to speak. “I… I felt strongly, but my ideas have always been stupid.”

“Stupid? Who said that?”

“Everyone…”

“Everyone? Who is everyone? Did I ever say so? Did I say so about anything you said or believed in?”

Startled, she looked up. He wasn’t angry, he was anguished. And she had really never thought about it this way. No, indeed! He never called her stupid or immature.

Feeling his questioning eyes on her, she shook her head.

“Chandrika. What you wanted for your sister was not stupid. It was, in fact, very noble. And to tell you the truth, she – or any other woman – wants that very much. If she doesn’t voice it, or believe that it is achievable, it is because she is burdened with her sense of responsibilities. Towards her family, towards the kingdom, towards people, towards me, and towards you.”

—

To be continued