His smile after Mr. Banerjee left was strained and she did not fail to notice it.

“I hadn’t planned it, Mukundo Babu,” she started explaining, “It’s just that he asked about you, how you were not quite yourself and then one thing followed from another… I put you in a situation you were not prepared for. I am sorry.”

“It has ended very well, hasn’t it?”

“I would think so…” her throat went dry at the thought that he didn’t sound enthusiastic. “But looks like it hasn’t…”

“Oh! Piyali. Don’t hate me for this. I am just confused.”

“Confused?”

“I don’t know what to do… what to say… What do you want me to do, Piyali? What will make you happy?”

“Mukundo Babu!”

“I am not… not joking…” he sighed.

“Mukundo Babu… I am not a stranger. You have known me all my life. It’s absurd that you should be anxious about me…”

“That’s why I am anxious. Because I have known you all your life. But I have never…”

“Oh God! I got it all wrong, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, Mukundo Babu. I should never have opened my mouth before Baba…”

“Why are you saying that?”

“What?”

“Why should you not have spoken to Kaku? What was that?”

“What’s wrong with you, Mukundo Babu? One minute you look so crestfallen that I said what I did. And the next minute you are wondering why I regret saying it?”

“Crestfallen? Oh no! Now – I am the one doing it all wrong. That’s not what I meant. Wait… Let’s start from the beginning…  Just the thought of you going away had made me miserable. I had been an absolute idiot to not realize what our relationship had to be. And so… I never treated you like a… like a lover… And I may not know how to…”

“Didn’t you claim to know that you now know what romantic tomfoolery I liked?” she smiled assuredly now.

“Yes… yes… And yet…”

“You won’t be arranging for midnight delivery of teddy bears for me?”

“I can, I suppose…”

“But you won’t be comfortable.”

He looked guilty.

“What you need to remember, Mukundo Babu,” she went forward and held his hands, “Is that the romantic tomfoolery did not keep me committed to that relationship. Even though Pronab was a great guy. Because he was not you. He had to give midnight teddy bears, because he could not have given me the comfort of arranging a library I love and know by heart.  He didn’t even know how gardening beside you relaxes me and rids me of all my exhaustion and stress.  He couldn’t have introduced me to, or shared with me, the joys of early morning riyaaz. He wasn’t you. But even he could see that I could do without a lover. I couldn’t do without you, Mukundo Babu. Don’t be lover, if you don’t want to be…”

“But I want to be… Just that… Ideally, we should have given each other time before telling anyone else… But that was not possible. I couldn’t have… gone ahead with our relationship when I had such doubts about its acceptance. I couldn’t have risked both ours heartbreaks…  So, it had to happen the way it did. And now here I am… I want to be the lover you deserve, Piyali. I’m just afraid…”

“Why do you want to be that?”

“I want to see you happy.”

“Then don’t try to be my lover. Just be my Mukundo Babu.”

“And continue scolding you for not being disciplined?”

“Yes.”

“And continue using you as my slave labor?”

“Yes,” she chuckled slightly.

“And continue dragging you out of your bed for riyaaz even on cold, winter mornings.”

“Yes. Please.”

“That sounds simple enough.”

“It is.”

“But I may want more.”

“What?”

He disengaged his hands from hers and cupped her face.

“Piyali!”

The change in his voice was unmistakable. He was her lover, whether he wanted to be or not. He didn’t have to try!

She averted her eyes.

“Piyali. May I?”

She gulped hard, and nodded slightly.

He gently rubbed his lips against hers, and teased them enough to make her open her mouth. But the passionate assault she was expecting after that never came. Instead he withdrew. She looked at him in confusion.

“I need to go slow,” he said in a voice heavy with desire, “You and I – we need to get used to this.”

She wanted to scream out that there was no need to go slow. That she was ready for this and much more. But she couldn’t have said so much to him. Instead she just threw her arms around his torso and gently rested her head against his chest. Then ever so slightly, she planted a kiss there, drawing an audible gasp from him.

He gently pushed her away.

“My restraint is weak, Piyali,” he said, his eyes smiling helplessly, “Don’t test it. Kaku is outside. There will be a lot to answer for.”

She flushed and stepped back.

Much to her annoyance and his, his phone rang.

“Who is it?” she couldn’t help asking.

“Subodh.” That was his accountant.

“Take it,” she said, although she did not want him to take the call at all. But she remembered how anxious he was about playing the role of a lover. So, she didn’t want to stress him out. He needn’t feel that he was under any obligation to live his life differently, just because she was now there…. Well – she had always been there in his life. But now she was there as his lover! She didn’t want him to regret that.

He nodded and picked the call.

“What… Wrong numbers… Last date? … I must come there? … Why Subodh, couldn’t you…. Let me see… I will call you back…”

“What happened?”

“Some property tax papers had to be filed. They got submitted with wrong data earlier. And today is the last day to file corrections without fine…”

“You need to go?”

He nodded, looking guilty yet again.

“Then go. I am not going to disappear,” she managed to smile.

“I will be late in coming back.”

“Till when is the office open?”

“Filing has to be done online. But I must go over…”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah,” he smiled and awkwardly stepped away. He should have kissed her. He should have said bye. But instead he abruptly turned on his heels when he reached near the door and went out. Piyali slumped back on her bed.

—

“Awake?” she was surprised to see his text. He never texted. He would rather call her, if he needed to talk. But then, never before had he needed to talk to her at midnight. Only she did that, on his birthday.

“Yes. Came back now?” she replied

“Just a while back.”

“Go to sleep now. It’s too late.”

“Probably it’s my turn at tomfoolery now. But Piyali. I have never pined for anyone, not even for you, like I am pining for you now. I wish you were here…”

Her breath caught in her throat on reading that. Was it he, indeed? His romantic tomfoolery was good enough to kill her in a moment. To think that he thought he couldn’t be a lover! She wondered how to reply.

—

To be continued