“You won’t leave.”

“Yes. I will,” I stood abruptly and took a step or two away from him, “I am poor and ugly. I know my situation, but I am not a machine. I have feelings just like you, and I too have a heart that beats. It has its own little whims too. It won’t let me stay on a servant, as a nobody in your house. If I was even a bit prettier, if I hadn’t been cast away by my family as an infant, if I had a family to be proud of, respectable even if not rich, I wouldn’t have sat on the sidelines. I would have made you fall in love with me. I would have made it as difficult for you to part with me, as it is for me. But that is not so. And I can’t take this heart out of my body and still live. So, if I have to live, I must go away. And since I have to go away, why should I not tell you the truth? She is rich and beautiful. You are a match for her in prestige and in money. What is also true is that you are nowhere as handsome as she is beautiful. Still you are the one who is marrying down, not she. She is not equal to you in her intellect. She has neither your generosity, nor your openness of mind. I say this to you not as your employee, not as someone who is socially, economically and in every other earthly way inferior to you, but as a human being to another human being, as two people created by God with equal love in His heart, as two equal people. ”

“Two equal people. Yes, Sarah. Just that.” He also stood up, came close to me and gathered me in his arms. His lips found mine and I had to turn my face away.

“You are as good as married, Sir. I won’t be your mistress. Let me go.”

“Where to? Delhi?”

“Delhi or Timbaktu. How does it matter? I have spoken my mind. I can go wherever I want.” His arms were still around me and I struggled to free myself.

“Stay still for a moment, would you? You are like a bird that’s harming herself in a frantic attempt to escape the net.”

“I am not a bird, and there is no net that I am caught in. I am a free person, I have my independent will, and I will exercise it now and leave you.”

He did not respond, but did not let me go either. I had to finally give up struggling and stand still. As soon as I did that, he freed me.

“Don’t run away Sarah, not before giving me a chance. Let your will decide your future and my fate.  I offer myself, my life to you Sarah. It is up to you to take it, or discard it.”

“Are you so cruel that you would play these games with me now?”

“I am asking you to marry me, to be my wife, to share my life and to let me share yours.”

“You have already chosen someone else to be that.”

“You are not in a mood to believe anything, Sarah. Just stay still and silent for a while, will you? I will do so too. I need to gather myself together. I don’t want to make mistakes now.”

I could feel the chilly evening breeze on my flush skin and hot cheeks. Goosebumps rose all over my body. The birdsong, the unique birdsong of this house, of Hojukeri, of life, was on. And in listening to it I started weeping again. Silent tears defied my will and rolled down my cheeks. But I stayed still and silent just as he had asked. At last he spoke.

“Come to my side, Sarah and let us explain and understand each other.”

“I cannot come to your side. It’s not my place.”

“I ask you to come here as my wife.”

Why did he continue to mock me?

“Come to me, Sarah.”

“Your fiancée, the real one, stands between us.”

He strode towards me and gathered me in his arms again. “My fiancée, my bride and wife-to-be is here. In marrying her, I won’t be marrying down. She is my intellectual equal. Sarah, will you marry me? Please.”

I did not answer.

“You do not trust me at all?”

“It isn’t the first time you would be mocking me.”

“As a friend, yes – I have amused myself at your expense. What is the use of denying that? But I never meant disrespect, Sarah. I know how I appear, but I would not mock someone who was really an inferior. That would be an insult.”

“Ms. Mukherjee has your family’s approval.”

“Don’t you understand, Sarah? Did you yourself not point out all the reasons that I couldn’t possibly be in love with her? And if you must know the gory details, here they are. I have convinced her that most of my money is not really secure in my own hand. How I did that is something I don’t want to get into. And since she left, I haven’t heard from her or from my aunt. So much for my family. Why wouldn’t you listen to and believe me, Sarah? Me whom you know inside out by now. With all his crassness and lack of politeness and propriety. With all his insecurities and loneliness. Why wouldn’t you listen to me instead of trying to listen to those imaginary people you call my family?”

“You want me to believe that you truly love me? And that you have turned Ms. Mukherjee away because of me?”

“Damn Ms. Mukherjee. I was never going to marry her. Let’s not talk about her. But about you. You are a strange, unearthly creature Sarah. Poor, plain orphan or whatever you are, I love you and only you. I beg you to accept me. What would you have me do to make me believe you?”

“Let me look at your face.”

He let me go immediately and stepped back so that we could look each other in the eye. “Why?”

“I want to read your face.”

“Then do it quickly, girl. You will be the death of me with those faithful, but questioning eyes. I doubt you can read anything on a crumpled, scratched paper that my face must be. ”

He was agitated, his eyes were restless, and moist with tears held back with difficulty. He did look tortured. But I was scared still.

—

To be continued