Sarah

“Not widowed or divorced.” Those had been his exact words about Protim. If half of it was true, why wouldn’t the other half be? He wasn’t divorced either. And so what if he had been? I couldn’t have sown the seeds of my married life on someone else’s divorced one.

‘It is your fault, you never bothered to ask him,’ the part of my heart that was dying to find an excuse for him complained.

‘That wouldn’t change the fact that you would be a sinner if you stayed with him,’ the other part said.

‘He could get a divorce even now,’ screamed the first.

‘Even worse, if you cause a divorce.’

The war of words continued, as I sat on the edge of my bed and the evening wore on. Some time well after midnight, the debate ended and the cruel, upright part won. I had no other option. I had to go away from him.

But I knew him for the passionate man he was. He would never let me go. I would have to lie to him and slip away. Still, better lie than sin.

I also felt faint by then. I hadn’t eaten anything since morning, and had not had a drop of water since I had come back late in the afternoon. I needed water. My head spinned as I got out of bed and opened the door. I let out a startled cry, when I realized that I was about to step on him. He was sitting sprawled on the floor, right outside my door.

—

Protim

I jumped to my feet as soon as I saw her. I must have drifted off into a fitful sleep, because I didn’t hear the door open.

“Sarah!”

“I need water.”

“Yes. Yes. And something to eat too. Let me take you to…” I made to take her arms.

“I can manage, Sir.” Sir? She had slipped back into her old ways. Had she given up on me already? Would she not even give me a chance to explain?

I let her walk ahead and followed her to the kitchen. She drew a glass of water from a pot and drank two glasses of it. Then she straggled over to the dining table and slumped on a chair.

“I do not deserve this, Sarah, but I still appeal to your kindness. You would hear me out, won’t you?”

She did not lift her exhausted eyes to me, but still nodded.

“Sunita – that’s her name. How odd that both your names should start with the same alphabet, because she was nothing like you. ”

Sarah

‘Probably Sarah is not my name,’ I thought to myself, ‘Probably Niharika is. Probably I wasn’t meant to be Sarah Jacob. Probably I wasn’t meant to tutor his daughter. Probably I wasn’t meant to meet him. It all went wrong in my life, from day one.’

“We met through, not surprisingly, our families. I was already thirty. Getting too old, my family pronounced, it was time to settle down. I gave in. Most of my friends were married, had kids; my life was getting lonelier and the days of youth when the idea of marrying and settling down looked laughable were over. My parents thought she would be the right daughter-in-law. I was supposed to decide in a couple of brief meetings, and I didn’t find anything objectionable in those, when we were usually seated within few meters of hordes of family members.  She was beautiful. I sometimes did wonder how she agreed to marry me. But then just congratulated myself on my good fortune. Probably I had made up in my intellect and personality, what I didn’t quite have in my looks.

“I was ecstatic and it lasted a few years. Then things changed. She was sullen and unhappy. We’d get into fight over practically nothing. It happens in all marriages, I was told. Have a baby, and you would be too busy to fight. I talked to her, almost begged her. She kept refusing, but one fine day she told me that she was pregnant. She looked happy enough about it and I was over the moon. Ananya was born, she had taken the looks of her mother and I was not complaining about it.

“But then things did not get better; in fact they started deteriorating even further, and now it worried me more because not only my happiness, but my daughter’s welfare was also at stake. Sunita hadn’t shown any interest in taking up a job or even voluntary work, when I had suggested it earlier, hoping it would keep her busy and happy. But now she would be away from home for hours, leaving Ananya to the aayah and servants. She would go ballistic if I as much as I tried to understand where she was going.  I cut down my teaching hours at the university to spend more time at home. While this helped me bond with Ananya, it did not help my relationship with Sunita. It brought home the realities that I hadn’t noticed earlier.

“Drinking, drugs, gambling, adultery – what all should I tell you about, Sarah? It wasn’t a pretty picture.  Confrontation did not improve the situation. I was no good for her; she had married me under pressure from her parents, but she did not intend to let it stop her from enjoying her life. I was heartbroken – yes. But I was also old enough by then to see myself for the fool I had been. I had been living in a fantasy, romantic world of my own, while the real life, right under my nose, was taking its own course.

“I asked her for divorce, but she would not hear of it. If she divorced me, her parents won’t like it and she would not get any part of their money if they decided to disown her. Charade must be kept up. There was only so much I could take. How selfish could she be! I told her that I would drag her to the court for a divorce, and that I should have no problem in finding proofs of her adultery.

“You should have heard her laugh then, Sarah. I can see how sickening the tale is for you. You are too innocent for all this. I am sorry for bringing this upon you. But it’s too late to go back. Today you must hear. She laughed and told me that I did not need to go outside to find proof of her adultery. It was right in my home. She pointed and Anaya and sniggered, ‘All you have to do is order a DNA test. But remember, if you make adultery a ground for divorce, dear Daddy, she will have to be handed over to Mommy. She isn’t yours. Do you think you could have made a pretty creature like her?’

—

To be continued