In her drunken, drugged state, Sunita had slept off with a cigarette stub still burning. That’s what had caused the fire. It had spread slowly in the beginning and by the time Protim had woken up a large part of the house was already engulfed in it. He had hurried woken everyone else and sent them outside. Then noticing that the source was Sunita’s room he rushed to save her. It was too late to save her, even though he had dragged her burnt body outside. But he had damaged his eyes in the process. There were also burns on his neck, Kaveri had told me, but they healed with time. His eyes might improve if he went to Bangalore and seek better medical care. But he refused to do that. “There isn’t much left for me to see,” he had said and silenced everyone who tried to argue otherwise.

When I entered his room with the dinner tray, he was standing at the window, looking out at what he couldn’t see.

“Leave the dinner on table, Chanda,” he said, “Give me some water.”

I approached him with a glass. “Is the water cold?” he asked before I could hand him the glass.

“No Sir.”

“Who is it? Kavita, isn’t that you?”

“No Sir.”

“Who are you then? Whose voice is it?”

“Do you want me to bring cold water, Sir?”

“Who are you?”

“Chanda knows me. She let me come into the house. Into your room.”

“God! No. It’s not possible. Am I mad enough to hallucinate now?”

“You aren’t mad, and you aren’t hallucinating.”

“Where are you?” he groped around for me, “If it isn’t my hallucination, let me touch you, let me feel you. This voice will drive me mad, if I am not already so.”

I arrested his hand in mine.

“Sarah!” He freed his hand, his strength was still intact, and grabbed my shoulders. He frantically ran his hands over my face, neck, arms, waist and finally pulled me in a hug.

“This is her. This can be nobody else. I know these arms, this body…”

“And this voice.”

“But it must be a dream. I dream of it often. Of her coming back to me, and loving me, never leaving me.”

“And I will never leave you now.”

“You always say that and then disappear. You will disappear again. But hold me before you go away Sarah. Hold me close.”

I tiptoed and kissed him first on his eyes and then on his eyebrows, “There!”

“Sarah!” he finally seemed to have started entertaining the idea that I was really there, “It’s you. You have come back to me.”

“I have.”

“You are not dead. Not abducted by goons. You are safe. And you haven’t had to suffer for want of money?”

“I am safe and sound. I earned enough for myself and I have more money at my disposal.”

“Money at your disposal? Your family?”

“My brother mostly.”

“This is real. Shadows won’t talk about money, family. You have money at your disposal, Sarah. You are  a rich woman now?”

“I have a house in my name. If you don’t let me stay with you, I will sell it and buy the one next to yours. You can come there when you need company.”

“You have money Sarah. And you are united with your family. They would not let you stay with a blind old man like me.”

“It’s still not my family and they don’t take my decisions. My life is still my own. If they take away their house and their money, I could still rent a place near you.”

“And you will stay with me?”

“Of course. Unless you don’t want it. I will be your neighbor, your nurse, your housekeeper. I will be your companion — to read to you, to walk with you, to sit with you, to wait on you, to be your eyes. Don’t look so sad now. You must not be lonely and sad again until I live.”

He didn’t speak for a long minute. I started feeling embarrassed. Had I been too hasty? I had assumed that he would want to marry me. That he would claim me as his own at once. That’s what had prompted me to speak all that I had spoken. But he just stood there not reply, not giving any hint that he wanted it to be so. I realized that I might have a made a fool of myself. I began to withdraw from him, but he eagerly pulled me closer.

“No, no Sarah. You can’t leave now. I have felt the joy of you presence. I have so little of it left that I can’t give up on it. The world will call me selfish, brute. Let them. I need you. I want you, Sarah. Else my very soul will unravel and burn the entire world down in seeking its revenge.”

“I will stay with you; I have already told you that.”

“Yes. But you may mean one thing by staying with me, and I another. You know how to be kind, generous, how to serve. And you will be happy to be my nurse, to be my eyes, my housekeeper. You will make a sacrifice because you pity me. Of course, I should be happy with that, shouldn’t I?  Come on Sarah, tell me.”

“I will be whatever you want. If you think it better for me to be only a nurse and a housekeeper, I’d be content to do so.”

“But you can’t always be my nurse and housekeeper, Sarah. You are young. You will find love and marry.”

“I don’t want to be married.”

“But you should. If I were what I once was, I would make you want it. But now… A blind, old man… Burned and injured…”

He grew gloomy again. But I was cheered. He did want me. It was his blindness that worried him, and that didn’t worry me at all.

“When did you last shave? Or cut your hair? Or clipped your nails? You have grown to look like a bear, all hairy and black. I think it’s high time someone humanized you again.”

“At least on one hand, nails don’t grow anymore.” I hadn’t noticed him wearing a thin glove on his left hand. He took it off and I saw the stumps of his four fingers. The top of the fingers had been burnt away. Something burning must have fallen on his hands, while he was trying to drag Sunita away. Kaveri hadn’t mentioned this. She probably didn’t know. I lifted his hand up and planed a moist kiss on it.

“I thought you would be revolted. This ghastly sight…”

“You don’t even know what it looks like. And you aren’t doing well in your judgement of me. I am tempted to say something insulting to you. By the way, does someone even clean this room any longer? When were the sheets last changed? Why is there so much of dust on the heater? Let me call Kavita and make this room more livable. I will also have Chanda cook something more substantial for dinner. I am famished. You are too, but you seem to not remember to eat.”

—

To be continued