Supporting her against his body, he clumsily took off his shawl and wrapped it around her. Then he picked her in his arms. She was small and slim. But the deadweight had him panting by the time he laid her down in one of ground floor bedrooms of the main house. To avoid general panic, he did not call anyone for help and himself got water from the kitchen. He had meant to sprinkle water on her face, but was spared the need.  She was stirring by the time he came back. Gently calling her name and rubbing her hands roused her.

“Water,” she mumbled.

He helped her sit up and pressed the bottle directly to her lips. She took a couple of sips and then pushed the bottle away.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded.

“You want to come upstairs and lie down in ou… the bedroom?”

“Where is Sumi? I thought you would be with her…”

“Sumi and Adi are with Ma. Champa has also come.”

Her legs gave way when she tried to stand up. He supported her and helped her sit back. He sat beside her, leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs, head bowed, his eyes glued to the floor, looking the exhausted, dejected man he truly was. He stayed silent for a long minute. When he finally looked up, his eyes were brimming with tears.

“A panic attack? Has it come to this that my presence brings a panic attack on you? We used to be good friends, Piyali? What went so wrong that you could not talk to me? Were you pressurized by Ma or Banerjee Babu? Did they know?”

She shook her head.

“Why then?”

“I didn’t think that a previous relationship would make it impossible for you to accept me.”

“What I am asking is why did you agree to this marriage?”

“It was a decision I took, considering all things…” she explained miserably.

“A decision that can be reversed. Unconsummated marriage shouldn’t be difficult to dissolve… It was difficult; so difficult to get my head around this, Piyali. You are so young and hardly ready for this life…”

She broke into sobs, “I tried… I can’t manage the house like Didi did. Kaki has to do it. But I thought that at least children… I was good enough with them at least…”

“Who said anything about you not being good enough?”

“I know that you agreed to this wedding for their sake. And you never wanted me for yourself. But still… I had hoped… with time, you might be able to accept me.”

He grew quiet. When he spoke, his voice had lost its edge. It was calm and collected. “Are you even listening to me, Piyali? Why do you want to make this marriage work, when you love someone else and I am giving you a way out?”

“Because I have loved my family, my sister and you from before I ever committed anything to Pronab. After Ma died, Didi was the one who made sure that I was fed and that my school dress was ironed and that I did homework in time. If I could not be the mother to my own sister’s children, how could I expect another stranger woman to do that?”

“For the children? And you were accusing me of doing it only for the sake of children huh? What have you done?”

“Are you even listening to me? I said I loved my family, my sister, you and these children from before…”

“Me. It wasn’t the same thing.”

“No. It wasn’t. How could it have been? And yet when it came to choosing, it was deeper and more a part of me than what I left behind. Pronab is a great guy. I regret what I put him through. But he will recover. And I couldn’t have lived knowing that I didn’t do all I could by you and by these children. It wasn’t the same thing – yes – but did you also not have some affection for me?”

“Why are we talking in past tense?”

“Present tense then. Do you not like me at all?”

“I like you. I like you and care for you too well to make a sacrificial lamb out of you.”

“And do you trust me? Can you trust me when I say that I have left him behind? And I have enough love and respect for you to… Provided you can be patient with my deficiencies…”

“There are no deficiencies, Piyali.”

“But there are…”

“You don’t know how often I had wished that Baishali was a little more like you,” he paused awkwardly, “That was… probably… a boorish thing to say. But I have said it. I don’t want you to be burning your hands with hot vessels or poking your fingers with needles to become like your sister. Yes, don’t look startled. I have seen you struggling to embroider table clothes. God is my witness; I cherished her for what she was and have been faithful to her. But Piyali. You must be your own self. You cannot change to be somebody else. I want to be able to discuss politics with you, even if you make unsound arguments. I was to play chess with you and to practice music with you…”

“But I don’t make unsound arguments,” she raised her eyebrows.

Laughter and tears came to him together.

“No then. You don’t. And I want you to start working like you have always wanted to.”

She frowned at that. “But the children…”

“They need a mother. It doesn’t have to a stay-at-home mother, Piyali. Champa is there. And Ma is there to supervise.”

She stayed silent for a long moment. Then she spoke softly, words barely escaping her throat, “Hold me, Mukundo Babu. Assure me that it is not all a dream.”

He stood up and gave her his hand, “Can you try and stand up?”

She could! He drew her in an embrace. A protective, innocent embrace, but she was satisfied with it. For the time being.

His hands stayed on her arms even after he broke the hug. “Now that you are back on your two feet,” his smile was mischievous although the moisture in his eyes had still not dried, “Can we start this over? The right way?”

“What is the right way?”

“We will have breakfast and then go to the market.”

“Market?”

“To buy a crib or baby cot for Sumi. Adi’s older one was not usable and I never got around to buying one for her all these days.”

It took her a moment to understand the significance. When she did her cheeks flushed hot and she looked away.

“Can we?” he insisted on an answer.

“Yes,” she whispered and raised her eyes to meet his, feigning a boldness she didn’t really feel.  His hands moved up her arms, caressed her neck and then cupped her face. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers.

– The End –