“I am all right, Mukundo Babu. Just a little fever. I can manage.”

“I wouldn’t have insisted if it was just me. But Ma is there, Piyali. She can take care of you. Won’t you take my advice?”

“I have taken your advice all these days, but excuse me if I don’t want to do so now. You are the kind of person who decides to leave Stanford to go to some godforsaken community college–”

“Piyali! You always defended my decision. Before Ma–”

“I defended you. Of course, I defended you. I will defend you before others even if you were guilty of a murder. But– And what are you leaving for? Because you didn’t get the tenure? Can’t it possibly come the next year? Can’t you try and not rub that old Prof. McCallister the wrong way, even if you hate him, when he has so much say in the decision? Can’t you see that your breakup and resulting depression has meant that you research output has taken a nosedive and it won’t have reflected well on your resume?”

“Have you been talking to Ma about it?”

“No! God! Mukundo Babu, I can think for myself. And in the matters of university, I can think better than Kaki. But you know what. You should just leave. Leave me alone. I will be fine. You are going away in a few months. Don’t pretend like you care.”

“But I–” Mukundo stopped short, let out a sigh and then spoke in a calmer voice, “You baffle me, Piyali. But don’t exert yourself because you are mad at me. You don’t want to listen to me? Fine! But Ma was also insistent that you should come there. She wouldn’t forgive me if I went back without you. Please?”

—

Piyali could not tell Mukundo that she was avoiding Mohima even more than she was avoiding him. But fever or no fever, she could not have succeeded for long. So on the third day of her stay at Mukundo’s place she entered his room carrying some photographs and a sinking heart.

“Piyali!” he started, “You could have called me. You should be resting, not roaming around.”

“I’m fine, Mukundo Babu. Please sit down.”

“You sit first,” he helped her into a chair, then pulled one up to sit right in front of her and looked at her questioningly.

Her eyes dropped down and she gulped hard.

“What is it?” Mukundo asked, concerned.

She cleared her throat and said, still not looking up, “You can’t live with past regrets all your life, Mukundo Babu. It will get lonely.”

“No denying that. It is lonely, already. So?” He noticed the envelope in her hand and asked, “What is this?”

“No… Nothing,” Piyali jolted her hand unthinkingly and the envelope slipped out of her hands. Mukundo bent down to pick up its contents and saw the photos of women. The photographs had the unmistaken clicked-for-wedding-proposals feel to them.

“Ma pestered you?” he asked.

“She asked me… to talk to you. But.. I wouldn’t have agreed if… I didn’t believe that she is right. You need a life partner.”

“Why are you stuttering then? Why are you not looking at me? When you believe you are right, you are capable of blasting me so eloquently as if you have the dialogs well-rehearsed. What is it now?”

“Mukundo Babu! It’s not–”

“Fact is, Piyali, and you know it as well as I do, that I have failed at a relationship that I believed was as strong as one can get,” he stood up and started pacing in front of her, “I could not figure out what she wanted. What kind of partner will I make? For anyone? This isn’t happening, Piyali. This isn’t right.”

“You loved blindly. That was not a bad thing, Mukundo Babu.”

“You are just defending me.”

“There is nobody else here. Why would I defend you?”

“In any case the world doesn’t seem to care for my blind love.”

“You would be surprised at how many do care.”

“Yeah?” he stopped in front of her, bent down keeping his hands on the handles of her chair so that his face was at level with hers and continued, “How do I know if any of these women care, Piyali? Do you know anyone who does? Do you?”

He stayed there, imposing himself on Piyali for a long minute until tears started flowing down her eyes. Then he jerked back, suddenly aware of how uncomfortable he would have made her.

He pulled the other chair slightly away from her and slumped into it. He rubbed his temples as he spoke, “It’s almost like I can do nothing right with you. Piyali, I am sorry. I don’t know what I was doing just now, what I was saying. It’s not your mess to fix. It is a good thing I am going–”

“I know,” she spoke suddenly, still crying and still not looking at him.

“Excuse me?”

“I know someone who cares, Mukundo Babu. But whether you could care for her is another matter altogether.”

She stood up and made to leave, but found her hand yanked by Mukundo at the door. He pulled her back, then let her hands go.

“If there is any chance that I have misunderstood you, then you should indeed leave. Immediately. I won’t stop you again. Do you want to leave?”

She stood rooted to her place, her eyes downcast, her body trembling – only partly from fever.

“If you don’t leave,” his voice grew hoarse and heavy, “Then I may say or do something foolish again. And Piyali, I don’t want to have any regrets where it concerns you. Do you want to leave?”

She stayed as and where she was.

His hands reached out and held her arms. “You care,” he had to clear his throat to make himself heard, “You care much more than you let on. Oh Piyali! Why were you mad at me all this while? Why wouldn’t you let me know? No! Wait. Don’t say anything. Don’t explain. Just–”

He drew her in an embrace and she willingly came to him. Sobbing, but willing, pliant.

He broke the embrace only after she had stopped crying, then wiped her tears and cupped her face. As he lowered his lips towards her, she suddenly turned her face away. His face grew ashen and hot. Had he misunderstood her even after all this precaution?

“I–” he stuttered, stepping back, “I’m sorry. I thought–”

“No!” she looked him in the eyes for the first time since entering the room, “Don’t be sorry. I just… I just need time, Mukundo Babu.”

Mukundo gave a sigh of relief and held her again, “I can live with that. For a long time. Trust me.”

Finally, a smile appeared on her face.

“How much I have missed this smile. It’s still as sweet and innocent as it was when you were young. I should never have let our friendship go. I have missed so much.”

“I’m pretty sure I want to say something about that. But my mind is in a whirlwind and I can’t say much.”

“Oh – you are as articulate as ever. But definitely a little feverish and weak. Let’s tuck you back in bed and wait until you are better.”

As he put his hands around her to lead her out, she hesitated.

“What now?”

“I don’t know how I will ever tell Kaki! Or Ma, or Baba! Or anyone!”

He chuckled. “Leave that to me.”

“Mukundo Babu!”

“What?”

“Don’t tell Kaki now. No in this trip of hers. I–”

“Need time. Yes – I understand. My lips are zipped.”

She smiled, “Then stay away. Actually, stay back. I will show myself to my bed.”

He sighed, “All right. Here – these photos.”

“You keep them. I will tell Kaki you are thinking.”

“Really?”

“That will make her happy.”

“And what if I end up falling for one of them?”

“You will have to try harder than that to make me insecure.”

He looked on fondly as she left the room.

—

To be continued