Her door was shut. Mukundo debated for several minutes between knocking and just barging in. The former was civil, the later could be easier simply because of its abruptness. The more he thought, the less certain he became of what he would say. At last, he came back to his room. Mohima had left. Taking advantage of the solitude he picked up a paper and wrote down a note.

“I don’t know if there is a right way of apologizing, but I am sorry. Please know that nothing changes for you in this house. I will give you no reason to be uncomfortable in future. Please don’t do anything rash. Don’t think of leaving. It will devastate Ma.  I beg you to not let this unfortunate incident change anything.”

He went back to her room and slipped the note through the still shut door.

—

“Unfortunate!”

The word kept echoing in Piyali’s head throughout the evening. Yes, unfortunate it had been. He was right. But he was right about something else too. She shouldn’t do anything rash. And she shouldn’t wallow in self-pity either. Everyone in the house was miserable and guilty right now. She, too, had her duty towards her benefactors.

She went out to look for Mohima and found her sitting under the porch looking out at the garden. Tea things were arranged on the table, but she hadn’t made herself a cup. Sumedha was playing with her dolls on a mat nearby.

“Ma-hi-ma… Ma-hi-ma…” the child demanded to be picked up with gestures when she saw Piyali. ‘Ma-hi-ma’ was her pronunciation of ‘Mashima’, which is what she had been taught to call Piyali.

Sumedha’s voice brought Mohima out of her reverie and she looked sadly at Piyali as she picked the girl up and threw her in the air a couple of times making her squeal in delight.

“Kaki,” Piyali spoke casually to Mohima after setting Sumedha back on the mat with her toys, “Shall I make you a cup of tea?”

Mohima nodded silently.

Seeing her so obviously upset, Piyali decided to talk, “Don’t worry about it, Kaki, please. It shouldn’t have happened, but it wouldn’t be right if Mukundo Babu were to drown in guilt over it–”

“Why would you say that, Piyali?” Mohima regarded her curiously.

“Oh Kaki!” Piyali knelt before her and buried her head in Mohiam’s knees, “Please don’t get me wrong. I would never ever—I wouldn’t even dream of seducing Mukundo Babu. I am not an idiot. I know where I belong and where he does. I just respect him a lot. And I am as indebted to him as I am to you for being my benefactor. I would rather be dead than see either of you upset because of me. And if you are so upset, he would sooner or later know that you know. And that would multiply his guilt manifold. As it is, he is miserable now.”

Mohima patted her head and spoke through her choked throat, “God bless you, my child.”

Piyali, then, withdrew from Mohima and went back to Sumedha. “Sumi, sweetheart. Take this puzzle and try to solve it with Baba’s help. He must be in his room. Go.”

Mohima close her eyes to prevent them from spilling over. Piyali knew that Sumedha was the only creature in the world who could brighten up Mukundo’s melancholy life. If only this girl wasn’t too young for his son, the entire incident might not have been so sad after all.

—

Everyone was putting up a charade at the breakfast table the next day. Piyali spoke more than usual and followed Mukundo to his car as usual to go to the university with him. Her shoulders sagged, however, once they were out of Mohima’s sight. Mukundo fidgeted with the car keys and seat belt as Piyali sat still beside him in the passenger’s seat.

“I know how uncomfortable this must be for you,” she said keeping her eyes glued to the driveway in front of her, “But if I didn’t come with you, Kaki would have asked questions. And I don’t want that–”

“Could you ever forgive me?” Piyali talking helped Mukundo also find his voice.

“You mustn’t worry on my count.”

Mukundo sighed and started the car.

—

A week later

Piyali had plans with friends on Sunday afternoon. Lunch followed by a movie. But they couldn’t get tickets for the movie. So, she came back early. She stopped short at the hall-entrnace on hearing Mohima’s voice, “How is Piyali doing?”

“She is okay, Ma, as far as I can make out?” Mukundo replied in a guilty subdued voice.

“And you?”

“It takes a lot of courage for a victim to forgive the perpetrator. But once you do, it is easier to recover. But if you are the perpetrator, what escape do you have? Her forgiveness sits as heavy on my heart, as her hatred would have.”

“Mukundo. You must forgive yourself too.”

“I try, Ma. But then I see her. Grateful and trusting as ever. And I can’t help–”

“Piyali!” Mohima noticed her and immediately interrupted Mukundo. But by the time he turned around, they knew it was too late.

Piyali stood a few feet from them, shivering as if from severe cold, her cheeks streaked with tears and an anguished cry barely suppressed by her teeth biting her lips. When she realized that she had attracted their attention, she turned on her heels and ran out of the house.

Mukundo and Mohima exchanged a quick glance and then Mukundo ran after her. Predictably, she was in the garden, sitting under her favorite mango tree and sobbing.

“Piyali!”

She was surprised into silence and stopped sobbing. When she looked up, Mukundo was standing before her, his shadow screening her from the sun.

She stood up, slowly, her back sliding along the tree trunk as if she didn’t trust herself to stand if she lost the support.

“You don’t have to see me every day, Mukundo Babu. This misery is unacceptable, unnecessary. I must go away from this house. And you or Kaki don’t have to worry about where to accommodate me. I will apply to the university hostel. And you can help me secure a good room quickly there–”

“Stop and listen to me,” Mukudo said. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but somewhere he knew that he had to be honest with her, “It is true that Ma will be devastated if you left. But I ask you to stay not for her sake, but mine. I like having you here. More than I have ever expressed. I like your singing and listen in on your practice. I like how well you bond with my daughter. This place feels like worth coming back to since you have come here. Because you brighten it up in so many ways. Whether it is your games with Sumi, or you chatter with Ma, or the conversations on politics and psychology with me.”

Piyali was dumbstruck for a moment by his declaration, then she said in a weak voice, “If even one percent of it is true, Mukundo Babu; if you get even a fraction of pleasure that you describe from my being here, nothing could drive me away. I know you too well to lose respect for you because of one accident. I have so much respect for you. But what good is all this, if you are killing all the joys of your life with this self-loathing. And that too because of me–”

“And I realize what a vicious cycle of misery my self-loathing is pushing all of us into. I promise it will change.”

“How?”

“Because of one word you just uttered – respect. I was sure of your forgiveness, Piyali. But forgiveness still makes me a culprit. But respect? That is something to live up to. I promise to you that I will live up to it. And to be able to do that the self-loathing has to go away. So, it will happen.”

“I had never known my father, Mukundo Babu. Ma was all I had. But this is the house which gave me not just a roof over my head, but also a family, even after Ma died. There is no place in the world that I would rather live in than here–”

“Then don’t. Please.”

She averted her eyes to hide the tears that were flooding up again. But she nodded to express her consent.

“Come inside. This is too hot a weather to be outside, even under a tree shade.”

—

To be continued