Piyali hadn’t thought of her longing for Mukundo’s friendship in those terms. The sudden question had been like a kick in her guts. It made her look desperate. And the self-sufficiency Mukundo had so correctly recognized in her had become such a second nature to her that it didn’t let her admit to such a need. She hated herself for letting it become so obvious to Mukundo. And she was mad at Mukundo for… She didn’t know what she should be mad at him for. The very fact that he understood her better than anyone else made him so dear to her. Could she fault him for doing that once again? No! She had only herself to hate. How would she ever face him again?

—

Mukundo knocked at her door. He had thought long and hard. And he now knew that there was only one way to get through to her. He would have to expose his own vulnerabilities to her. It would be a huge gamble with his emotions. But the rot Piyali’s emotions seem to be heading towards was even more dangerous. He had to do something. He couldn’t have let her go on that destructive path. She had her entire life before her. The life of a brilliant achiever. He couldn’t just silently witness all of that crumble into pieces, just because he was too afraid of being snubbed by her.

Piyali looked startled to see him and stared at him agape.

“Can I come in?”

Wordlessly, she stepped aside. Her small room was neatly arranged. On the narrow bed were spread out a bunch of envelopes. Those were the different offer letters, he realized. Was she trying to make a decision?

He pushed a couple of envelopes aside to make space for himself and sat down.

“Have you decided what offer you are going to take up?”

She shrugged, “Don’t know. Perhaps Bangalore.”

“Why?”

She gave him an inscrutable look and asked, “Do you have a suggestion?”

“They are all good institutes and I would like it if you stayed in Kolkata.”

She drew in a sharp breath and looked away.

“Baba and Ma are after my life to get me married,” she looked back at him and said slowly, “I can’t stand it. I would rather stay away.”

He was startled. Married? Piyali?

“Who will they get you married to?” he spoke foolishly.

“Too much of a freak to get married, am I not?” she replied and smiled. A sad and self-deprecating smile.

“Super intelligent. So intelligent that you make people nervous.”

“Do I make you nervous too?”

‘Yes’ would have been his automatic answer. But by then Mukundo had recovered from his initial surprise the idea of her marriage had sprung on him. And he knew that if he really said that, he would push her away once again. She was trying to reach out, and he had to take a step towards her.

“What do you think?” he asked, hoping to get some clue of what will satisfy her.

“You shouldn’t be,” to his relief she obliged by answering him, “You are an intelligent man yourself.”

He smiled. He could give her a truthful reply, “I am an intelligent man, yes. I am intelligent enough to know that you are a genius and that that there is nobody else I know, including myself, who is like you. You still make me nervous, sometimes, but not so much that we can’t have a meaningful conversation.”

She bit her lips and mumbled, “I am sorry for everything.”

“No!” he objected emphatically, “I am sorry. For not allowing that meaningful conversation to happen.”

“I don’t want to impose myself on you, Mukundo Babu.”

“What I am very truthfully trying to tell you, Piyali, is that I want those meaningful conversations to happen. And the reason I was not letting that happen is because I had the same fear as you. That of imposing myself on you. But if I don’t think that you are imposing on me, and you don’t think that I am doing that to you — am I right in that assumption, Piyali? You don’t find me an imposition, do you?”

She shook her head, biting her lips harder.

He stood up and went closer to her, “Then let’s end this unnecessary misery, Piyali. Know that I am not only available to talk, but I am happy to do so. I am eager to be a friend.”

When she did not respond, keeping her eyes glued to the floor, his confidence faltered again. He asked desperately, “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

She looked up, shook her head and then in a completely unexpected gesture, threw her arms around him for a hug. He was startled into inaction at first. But only for a few moments. Then he wrapped his arms back around her. “Everything will be all right,” he murmured to her, even as he inwardly cursed himself for his own feelings that the hug had made clear as daylight to him. He had gotten himself into trouble!

—

Mukundo had said he had an appointment just then. But he had asked her repeatedly before leaving if she was okay. And then hesitantly he had asked if she would like to go to a play with him that evening. He thought she would enjoy it. She had agreed.

Presently she opened her cupboard and picked out a rope that was knotted into a noose. She hid it in a far corner, under her clothes. If he had been late by a day, she would have taken the extreme step. When he had knocked, she had been looking at all her job offer letters. She had been wondering if it was possible to find any meaning in them at all. Any meaning for life, for the life that lay ahead of her. A meaning that would keep her away from the noose she had made for herself! She was failing to find it, like she had so often over last few months. But then, he had knocked.

—

To be continued