Karishma was nervous when she entered his office. Kirti was also with her.

He didn’t notice her nervousness. Because he himself was in the same state, although outwardly he didn’t show any signs of it.

“Karishma!”

“Sir. You wanted to talk to me?” He had asked her to stay after office. Yesterday, after two weeks of working peacefully, Soumen had flipped. He had quarreled with her and hadn’t turned up in the office today. So, Karishma was not looking forward to this conversation with Siddhartha.

“Yes. Is it okay if Mrinal minds Kirti for a while?”

Except for a quick nod and smile, Siddhartha didn’t seem interested in the child today and, in fact, wanted her out of the way. Did he have bad news for her? He had repeatedly assured her in past that her job was safe. While it felt gratifying and reassuring to hear him say it, when he got busy with his work and she didn’t speak to him for days at length, his assurances started feeling like a distant, hazy, unreliable memory. She could no longer believe that he would care enough about her if her presence indeed became an irritant instead of a help at work.

“Yeah… Okay. I will leave her with him–”

“I will call him,” he said as he picked up the phone. He motioned for her to sit, but kept standing himself, “Mrinal. Can I trouble you with baby-sitting duty for a bit? Karishma’s daughter- yes. They are in my office.”

Mrinal came and after throwing a puzzled glance at both Siddhartha and Karishma, who sat slumped in a chair, took Kirti away. Having a child who was comfortable with everyone was a convenience Karishma couldn’t thank her stars enough for. But now there was the bad news.  She couldn’t bear the suspense any longer and blurted before he could start a conversation, “I am sorry about Soumen. I am sure he will come around. I wasn’t saying anything outrageous.”

“What about Soumen?”

“Oh! You… you didn’t know?”

“Should I know? What is it?”

“Nothing that you need to be bothered about, really. What did you want to talk about?”

“You have been worried all this while?” Siddhartha finally realized.

She gave an embarrassed smile.

“Wow! Karishma. What would it take for you to believe that I am not going to just fire you one day, out of the blue. That you can–” he paused and then added an expression she had used sometime back, “That you can depend on me?”

But she didn’t seem to recall the context from that. “I am sorry. I really am. I don’t mistrust you. I am incredibly nervous about this issue. And it grates on Soumen too. I am aware of it. And I will behave from now on. What did you want to talk about? Please tell me now.” She looked at him and something in the way he was looking at her made her throat go dry.

“I just did,” he said, his tall frame bent forward on his table, looking intently at her, “And I think I have to assure you that the outcome of this conversation will have no impact on your job. With that out of the way, do you think you could depend on me, Karishma?”

The implication finally hit her. And it hit her so hard her instinct was to flee from the situation, to pretend that the question had never arisen. But she felt herself glued to the chair. She couldn’t as much as stand up, much less flee. After a long pause, she croaked, “You can’t possibly mean what I am thinking that means.”

“Why?” he smiled, nervous and expectant at the same time, “You can’t possibly mean that I am not allowed to express my feelings for the woman I am in love with.”

“Me?”

Her reactions were now amusing him. “Yes, Karishma. You.”

“I can’t afford to have an affair with my boss. Too much is at stake,” she said and immediately regretted saying that.

Predictably, Siddhartha took offense, “What the hell, Karishma! I am not a married man looking to have an affair on the side. I am proposing a relationship. A marriage. What are you–”

“I am sorry!” she interrupted, then added in a low, embarrassed voice, “I apologize. That was uncalled for. But even then, it’s too big. And my brain seems frozen.”

Siddhartha was, quite willingly, quick to forgive the unsavory accusation. Her flustered reaction was not unexpected.

“I have taken you by surprise. I am aware of that. But I couldn’t have gone the conventional way of flirting with you or giving you any signals because the power dynamics of our relationship wouldn’t allow it to remain innocuous. Trust me, it was not because I took your acceptance for granted. Far from it, I have plans A, B, C, D – a lot of them – prepared in anticipation of a number of reactions you could have given. For now, I am happy that you are not screaming ‘no’! It has been sudden, because I felt it couldn’t be any other way. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give you time now – lots of it, as much as you like. You don’t have to answer right now.”

That relieved her. She could feel her body becoming lighter. It actually seemed possible to get up from that chair now. So, she nodded and did just that.

“Will you be fine?” his sounded so solicitous that Karishma regretted not having an answer ready for him. But she was still dazed and she did need time to process the idea.

“Don’t worry,” she managed to reply and made for the door.

“I will ask Mrinal to call you a company taxi. It is too late and I don’t want you to be looking for buses.”

She did not resist. Oh yes – she could depend on him. Depend on him to take care of her, and also to be discreet about it. A company taxi dropping her home would be much less conspicuous than her boss dropping her in a flashy car!

While leaving, she stopped at the door, turned and asked, “Why me?”

He walked up to her and said, “Because it feels like I can depend on you.”

A hint of a smile appeared on her face. She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

“Everything okay?” Mrinal asked as she waited in his office for the taxi to come. She was completely quiet and looked dazed, barely responding to even Kirti’s questions about when they would be home.

“Yes,” she replied weakly and wondered if she could talk to Mrinal. She didn’t just then. But he was one person who could be trusted to be discreet about all of Siddhartha’s doings.

—

Karishma was surprised at how refreshed she felt in the morning. When she had gone to bed last night, she had expected to remain awake the entire night. After all something so extraordinary had happened last evening. Siddhartha Sen had proposed to her. She couldn’t treat this proposal frivolously. Unlike Soumen, Siddhartha knew his mind. But it wasn’t that simple to accept it either. She respected him professionally and as a boss. He was definitely a dependable man. But was he the right husband for her? And it wasn’t just about her. Kirti? What about her own parents? If she accepted, money would never be a problem for her. But was that enough? Would it stand the test of time? Besides, he may be dependable, but how well considered was his proposal? How much did he know about her? What about her past? Would it be easy to move on? Despite all these questions indulging in a chaotic dance in her mind, she had drifted off to sleep. Something deep inside her must have calmed her mind down. Because in the morning she was feeling quite refreshed and clear. The conversation with Siddhartha wasn’t sounding like a hazy dream as it had last night. It was real. It opened possibilities. The possibilities that may not be realized. But she was ready to explore them.

—

To be continued