He told her about his mother. She was diagnosed with cancer soon after Soumen and Sunidhi were born. That was a difficult blow to her and to the entire family. But what he remembered from the ordeal the most was how quickly and easily she had given up.

“She had no will to fight. Cancer wasn’t in the terminal stage. But all she could think of was dying. All of Baba’s attempts to make things easy for or to cheer her up were in vain. She had the best care that was available. I always felt that her depression killed her before the physical disease could. Baba looked so overwhelmed all the time. The business was still small and fledgling then. He needed to take care of that too. Then two babies at home. I was also just a lousy teenager. But I think I had to grow up then.”

“The way Soumen speaks of you, he sees you more of his guardian than your father.”

“Really?”

“Are you surprised?”

“If I was a guardian, I wasn’t a very good one. Your daughter is so well brought up. My siblings are nothing like that.”

“Come on. You are being harsh on yourself. And too generous on me.”

“No. But anyway. Why was I telling you this sob story? To explain how we reached here. How I reached here with you and perhaps also to explain why I didn’t reach here with anybody else before. I will be honest, Karishma. When we met the first time, you were nothing but Sunidhi’s stubborn demand on my time. I had no idea what job I could give you. And I didn’t give you a meaningful one. I hadn’t meant to give you a job at all. I have no idea why I blurted out in the last moment that Soumen needed an assistant. Perhaps, subconsciously, the matter of fact way in which you had explained why you were looking for a job, had already affected me. And from there on, I saw a woman who had been dealt with a very unfair hand. But instead of running away or sulking, she was facing it, head on.”

“You are making me so nervous. I am a very ordinary woman who was just reacting to the circumstances–”

“No war hero is born with a sword and a shield in his hands, Karishma. He becomes a hero only when he is faced with death in the battlefield and raises his shield to protect a fellow soldier rather than himself. What you do when you face a crisis is what makes you a hero. Before that moment everyone is ordinary.”

“I–”

“You just picked up and started reviewing those contracts, when Soumen won’t do it. Well, that got me!”

“You knew?” her face reddened.

“Of course, I knew. You think I am that dumb?”

“Obviously not,” she mumbled.

“Even if I didn’t know you,” his voice was less intense now and Karishma relaxed a bit, “I knew my brother. I knew he didn’t suddenly have an enlightenment.”

“But that’s not the case now. He works, actively.”

“I know that too. And I would be eternally grateful to you just for bringing that change about. Whatever you did to motivate him.”

“He has always been in awe of you. He didn’t think that he could measure up to you. So, he was too afraid to take up responsibilities. What if he couldn’t do it as well as you would. Being too cool to work was just a defensive façade.”

“Wow!”

“When you reacted positively to what work I sent your way, he figured he could do it himself too. He looks up to you.”

“And how do you know all this?”

“He talks. Quite a bit,” she laughed, then added jokingly, “But I shouldn’t be telling you all this. It isn’t fair on him.”

“But you haven’t told me anything that will embarrass him. Not yet, anyway.”

“And I won’t.”

“Fair enough. But thank you for what you did tell me. It will help me be a better guardian to him if I am indeed that. I wish I had understood earlier.”

“How could you have?”

“You are right. I couldn’t have known. But for you.”

She blushed and silence prevailed for a while.

At last, she said, “My turn, I guess.”

“Remember. It is not a job interview and it is even less of an exam. There is no time limit. You talk when you want to.”

“It’s not every day that you are going to have a free calendar, is it? How did you manage that? You were going to tell me that.”

“I had planned this for over a week. I spoke to you the day before I managed to keep a full day free.”

“This is… unbelievable.”

“But I have always made time for you, Karishma, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“You have, indeed.” Very often he had given her a meeting slot immediately, even if it was the only time he had to himself during the day.

“I think it’s always about priority. You make time for what is on priority, and those you don’t make time for are obviously not your priority. I will always have time for you.”

“Don’t promise so much, please,” her voice sank, “You are so aware of where you stand, what your past has done to you. I don’t even know what my past has done to me. I have been so obsessed with keeping things together, with holding the job and earning that I don’t know who I am as a person. I don’t know who it is that you love and want to marry and spend your life with. Is she even capable to living that life? She may not be.”

Siddhartha regarded her silently for a moment, then leaned forward and reached across the table to hold her hand.

“Then stop and take a breath now. Find out what has become of you. It may not be pretty right now. But people survive. And I don’t know of anyone who has as much strength as you do. Even if nothing ever becomes of us, even if our relationship doesn’t see a future, it would have been worthwhile if it helped confront you your demons and defeat them. I will be by your side through this.”

“It doesn’t seem fair that you should have to deal with this.”

“May be what isn’t fair is that you should have to dredge up your past just because I decided to barge into your life one fine day declaring that I am in love with you. But you didn’t run away, you didn’t say ‘no’, which you were capable of saying as we know from a certain incident in past. So, perhaps you want to give it a try. With me, for my sake.”

Biting her lips, her face contorting to stop tears from flowing, she nodded.

He stood up and, continuing to hold her hand, came to stand beside her.

“Let’s go,” he said softly and helped her up. He wrapped his other hand around her and led her to his car. They sat inside the car in silence for a while.

Karishma broke the silence, “I need to pick Kirti up.”

“She is still at the pre-school? I thought it was only for a couple of hours.”

“In the beginning. Now she has adjusted there and stays until half past three.”

“Okay. Let’s go then.”

“You could drop me at the signal before Starbucks–”

“It’s barely half a kilometer from there. I will go with you.”

She smiled, “How do you know where it is?”

He flinched, but Karishma didn’t notice. Then he said with a shrug, “Everybody’s kids seem to go there. Difficult to not know.”

“She would stay in the company day care after this, right?” he asked as they were about to reach.

“Yes. Usually.”

“And what plans do you have for the afternoon?”

Fully aware that he had kept his day free, she replied, “Nothing particular. Soumen is not going to be in the office.”

“Then you are stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

She smiled, “Where would we go?”

“To my office!”

“That would be awkward.”

“We have had dozens of meetings in past.”

“I suppose so,” she mumbled. When it felt so different to you inside, was it possible that nothing would be revealed to the outside world? She stole a quick glance at him. He was relaxed. If he didn’t worry about it, she decided that she wouldn’t either.

—

To be continued