Discovering Love (Part 4)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Excuse me,” Ashutosh was surprised to see a woman in the children’s ward after visiting hours, “Visiting hours khatam ho gaye hain. Aapko ab ghar jaana chahiye.”

“Nahin ji. Meri Dr. Nidhi Verma se baat ho gayi hai. Main to apne bachche ke paas rukne waali hoon,” the woman was confident and almost quarrelous.

“Dr. Nidhi?”

“Ji haan.”

“What the hell…” Asuhtosh mumbled and turned towards to door to look for Nidhi, when he saw her entering the ward.She saw him and stopped in her tracks. A pen she was holding in her hands slipped through. Ashutosh looked at the pen in exasperation and she hastily picked it up.

“Dr. Nidhi. Aapko children’s ward ke rules pata hai na? Yahan parents ko raat mein rukna allowed nahin hai.”

“Y… Yes Sir.”

“Phir aapne inko kiske kahne par permission di hai?”

“Ma… Main… Maine nahin… nahin di, Sir. Woh… meri baat maan hi nahin… rahi thi. To main aapko hi dhonndhne ga… gayi thi.”

Ashutosh sighed and turned back towards the woman, “Dekhiye Ma’am. Ye is ward ka rule hai. Yahan parents raat mein nahin ruk sakte. Isse sabko disturbance hoti hai. Aapke bachche ki poori dekh bhaal yahan hogi. Please leave now and come back tomorrow. Please Ma’am.”

“Lekin…”

“Hum kissi ke liye rules nahin badal sakte,” Ashutosh was stern.

The woman was angry, but she did leave.

“Come to my cabin,” he told Nidhi and walked off.

“M… May I come in, Sir?”

“Yes.”

“Sir. A… aapne mujhe bulaya?”

“Dr. Nidhi. Aapke haathon ki ya ungliyon ki muscles kamzor hain?”

“Na… nahin to.”

“To phir aapke haathon se kabhi file, kabhi pen girte padte kyon rahte hain?”

“W… woh main ghabra gayi thi, Sir.”

“Aur aapko stuttering ki problem hai?”

“N… nahin. I mean no Sir.”

“To aap har waqt haklati kyon rahti hain?”

“Na… nahin to Sir. I… I mean har waqt nahin.”

“Look Dr. Nidhi. Is profession mein aapko din-raat logon se deal karna hoga. Log hamesha apna bhala-bura nahin samajhte. Kabhi pyaar se, kabhi sakhti se samjhaana padta hai. Jab bhi koi parent rule todne ki koshish karega, kya aap mere paas daudi aayengi? Aise to kaam nahin chal sakta.”

“Y… Yes Sir.”

“Make yourself a little more confident. You have to believe in yourself and appear confident. Warna patients ki himmat toot sakti hai.”

“R… Right Sir.”

“And for God’s sake stutter karna band kijiye.”

Nidhi did not say anything at all, just nodded in affirmative.

“All right. You can go.”

She turned back and left. She sighed in relief once she was outside his office. He smiled and shook his head after her. “Bilkul pagal hai,” he muttered.

“Mujhe nahin pata hai ki ye kaun hai? Lekin ye bachcha behosh pada hua tha sadak par,” Nidhi was explaining the staff of Jeevan Prabha, “Shayad kamzori ki wajah se…”

“Ji doctor bas abhi pahunch hi rahe hain…”

“Der karna sahi nahin hoga. Main khud bhi doctor hoon. Aap please mujhe stethoscope aur doosre instruments dijiye. Main check karti hoon.”

“Lekin…”

“Please…”

“Ji theek hai. Aaiye.”

Nidhi was examining the patient and asked the nurse to prepare saline water to be given to him, when Ashutosh entered the room.

“I am so sorry sister,” he addressed the nurse, “Main traffic jam mein phans gaya tha. Kahan hai bachcha?”

“Ji wahan. Jo madam use le kar aayi thi, unhone kaha ki woh bhi doctor hain to woh use treat kar rahi hain.”

Ashutosh ran towards the bed. Nidhi had already noticed him and had stood up when he reached there.

“Dr. Nidhi?”

“Y… Yes Sir,” she stuttered again, but Ashutosh ignored it and asked her about the patient. He was satisfied with the treatment she had given to him.

“Sir. Aap yahan bhi kaam karte hain?” she asked after the patient had been settled down. She wasn’t feeling nervous after getting a confirmation from him that she had treated the boy right.

“Ye mera hi hospital hai. I mean, mere Baba ne banwaya tha. Jeevan Prabha hospital and orphanage.”

“Oh!” Nidhi was surprised and that afternoon from five years back came back to her mind. “Aapke Baba kaise hain?” she asked.

“Aap mere Baba ke baare mein kyon poochh rahi hain?” Ashutosh was confused.

“Actually ek baar, kareeb paanch saal pahle, main aur mere Baba unhein yahan laaye the. Unhein heart attack aaya tha aur woh hamare ghar ke paas the us waqt.”

Ashutosh looked at her surprised, “Unhein aap yahan laayi thi?”

“Ji. Main agle din aayi thi unhein dekhne. Lekin in logon ne bataya ki unke bete ne, I guess they meant you, unhein shift karwa diya hai. Woh theek to ho gaye the na?”

Ashutosh nodded in negative and said sadly, “Nahin Dr. Nidhi. Woh theek nahin ho paaye. He didn’t survive the cardiac arrest and passed away.”

“Oh!” Nidhi felt extreme sadness envelop her, “I am sorry.”

“But thanks a lot Dr. Nidhi,” for the first time since she had met him Nidhi noticed a hint of emotion in his voice as he talked, “Unki madad karne ke liye. At least unhein saari care to mili. Otherwise…”

“Thanks ki koi zaroorat nahin hai Dr. Ashutosh. Woh to mera farz tha. Meri jagah koi bhi hota to yahi karta. Lekin obviously aapke Baba bahut achchhe insaan the. Bahut logon ka bhala hua hai unki charity se. Unhein bahut logon ki duaen mili hongi. Unki aatma ko zaroor shanti milegi.”

Ashutosh smiled sadly.

“Main chalti hoon, Sir. Baba ghar aa gaye honge aur akele bore ho rahe honge.”

“Baba?”

“Mere father.”

“Aap bhi apne father ko Baba kahti hain.”

“Ji. Ajeeb coincidence hai na?”

“Yeah. Aap kaise aayi hain?”

“Maine ambulance bulwaya tha.”

“Phir main aapko drop karwa deta hoon.”

“Nahin Sir. Main bus le kar chali jaungi.”

“Takalluf ki zaroorat nahin hai Dr. Nidhi. Mera driver aapko drop kar dega.”

“Lekin Sir…”

“Come with me.”

Nidhi had no option but to take his offer.

“Sir. Indian Academy of Pediatrics ke annual convention ke passes aa gaye hain. Hum typically inmein se ek kissi intern ko dete hain. Who should we select this time?” Rangnath asked Ashutosh during the departmental administrative meeting.

“Dr. Nidhi Verma,” Ashutosh replied without even thinking over it once.

“Dr. Nidhi?” Mallika interrupted, “Don’t you think hamein kissi KMC ke student ko bhejna chahiye Ashutosh?”

“Mallika. Ye selection KMC ke liye nahin hospital ke liye ho raha hai. When we have taken her as an intern, she is an equal and she is the best intern we have here this year. So, she will get the pass.” Ashutosh said in a final tone leaving no room for any further discussion.

“Theek hai, Sir,” Rangnath noted it down as a to-do for himself and moved on to other matters.

“Sir,” Rangnath came to Ashutosh’ cabin.

“Yes Dr. Rangnath.”

“Dr. Nidhi Verma convention ke liye Mumbai nahin jaana chahti. To who is the next choice?”

“Nahin jaana chahti? Kyon?”

“Maine poochha nahin, Sir.”

“Woh abhi duty par hain?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Unhein yahan bhejiye.”

“Sure Sir.”

“You do know that this convention is a great opportunity. Aap kyon nahin jaana chahti Dr. Nidhi?”

“Woh… Sir… Baba nahin chahte,” Nidhi tried to cook up an excuse.

“Kyon?”

“I mean, unhein akela chhod kar jaana theek nahin hoga, Sir.”

“Kya unki tabiyat kharaab hai?”

“Nahin to.”

“Phir?”

“Bas Sir. Aise hi.”

“Koi aur baat hai. What is it?”

“Ku… kuchh bhi nahin, Sir.”

“Dr. Nidhi! Tell me the truth.”

Nidhi looked exasperated.

“I am waiting,” he spoke again.

“Sir. Mumbai jaana, aur wahan chaar din rahna mere liye affordable nahin hai… Gaon mein meri Dadi beemaar hain. Baba ki salary unke ilaaj mein chali jaati hai. Aur mere stipend se ghar chalta hai.”

“To kya hua? Convention mein jaane ka expense to hospital bear karega,” Ashutosh himself did not know that he was such a quick and smooth liar.

“Letter mein to likha tha ki sirf convention ke pass ka expense hospital dega…”

“Woh letter purana daal diya hoga Dr. Rangnath ne,” Ashutosh lied again, “Policies update hui hain. Aap chinta mat kijiye. Aapke travel aur stay ka arrangement ho jayega. I will let you know.”

“That’s… that’s great, Sir. Thank you very much,” Nidhi was excited and decided to brush aside her skepticism.

“Flight tickets?” Nidhi was surprised,when Ashutosh handed her the ticket.

“Kya hua?”

“Main kabhi flight par gayi nahin hoon,” she said sheepishly.

Ashutosh smiled looking amused, “Koi baat nahin. Main bhi isi flight se ja raha hoon. Main aapko pick kar loonga jaate hue aapke ghar se. Driver ko pata hai na aapka ghar?”

“Ji Sir.”

“Aur haan. Packing karte waqt dhyaan rakhiyega. Cabin luggage mein koi liquid na ho, na hi koi nukili cheez.”

“Cabin luggage?”

“Jo samaan aapke haath mein rahega flight par chahdte hue. Baaki ka samaan check-in ho jaata hai. Aapko use carry karne ki zaroorat nahin hoti.”

“Okay Sir.”

To be continued

Discovering Love (Part 3)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Chadh ja beta sooli par,” Ranghnath approached Nidhi as she was trying to see the duty chart.

“Ab kya hua Dr. Rangnath?”

“Kal to aap bach gayin. Aab aaj nahin bach sakti. Aapki duty Dr. Hardstone ke saath lagi hai.”

“Sach? Dr. Ashutosh ke saath? Wow!” Nidhi was genuinely excited.

“Kya baat hai? Kissi bakre ko halaal hone se pahle itna khush maine kabhi nahin dekha?”

“Dr. Rangnath. Aap bhi na. Do din pahle tak maine Dr. Asutosh ka sirf naam suna tha. Aur aaj main unke saath kaam karne ja rahi hoon. Do you know what that means?”

“Aap to khush hain. To phir main bhi aapke liye khush hoon. Lekin zaraa sambhal ke.”

“Thank you.”

“Aur haan. Namrata ji ko bata dijiyega ki woh bhi zara namra hi rahein. Unki bhi duty wahin hai.”

“Theek hai.”

Nidhi, Namrata and Kabir took a round of the ward with Ashutosh and then he assigned each of them some patients whom they were supposed to attend for the rest of the day.

“Namrata. Kya kar rahi hai tu?” Nidhi stopped Namrata from giving some medicine to a patient.

“Kya hua?”

“Label to padh le dawai dene se pahle. Ye 50 mg hai. Child patient ke liye zyada hai. 25 mg waala tablet chahiye hoga.”

“Offo! Ye nurses bhi na. Dekh kar dawai nahin rakh sakti.”

“Agar sahi dawai dena nurses ki hi responsibility hai,” they were suddenly startled by Ashutosh’ voice, “to phir aapko doctor banne ki kya zaroorat thi?”

“I am sorry, Sir.”

“How can you be so careless?” Ashutosh thundered at her, “Ye bachche hamari responsibility hain. Koi exam ke questions nahin ki agar galat bhi ho gaya to bas thode marks kate. This will not be tolerated. You need more supervision than I can give. Wait for me in Dr. Ranghnath’s office for reassignment of duty.”

“Yes Sir,” Namrata was almost breaking into tears as she ran away.

Suddenly he noticed Nidhi’s expressions. “Aapko kya hua hai?” he sounded irritated, “Main aapko to nahin daant raha tha.”

“Main… main nahin Sir,” Nidhi mumbled as his anger had indeed scared her, “Bachche dar rahe hain.” Nidhi pointed out. Ashutosh noticed the patient on the bed and realized that he was indeed scared by Ashutosh’ raised voice. Ashutosh smiled at the kid and sat beside him to try and comfort him. But he cringed.

“Sir,” Nidhi interrupted hesitatingly, “Can I?”

Ashutosh nodded and said, “Please take over Dr. Namrata’s patients for the time being.”

“Y… Yes Sir.”

Ashutosh looked back from the door and saw Nidhi sitting with the child drawing him into a conversation and finally making him laugh. Nobody saw the faint smile on Dr. Hardstone’s face though.

“Ashutosh. You are too harsh on the interns. Tum pahle din unhein unsupervised kaise chhod sakte ho?”

“Mallika, maine koi emergency duty par nahin chhoda tha unhein. Bas time par medicines deni thi.”

“Kuchh cheezein practice se hi samajh mein aati hain. Abhi bachche hain woh…”

“Bachche nahin hain, doctors hain. Aur KMC mein MBBS ke dauraan bhi ward duties hoti hain. Phir jab woh Lucknow ke infamous government college se aayi hui ladki itni si baat samajh sakti hai, to hamare KMC ke graduates kyon nahin samajh sakte?”

“Okay. I give up. Suno, aaj raat kahin dinner par chalte hain. You need a change…”

“Sorry Mallika. Mujhe kuchh kaam hai. Main nahin aa sakta.”

“Okay,” she smiled sadly and left. He never agreed to her proposals of going out.

“Namrata,” Nidhi rushed by her side in common room, “Tum theek to ho? I am really sorry, yaar. Mujhe nahin pata tha ki Dr. Ashutosh wahan the…”

“Tum kyon sorry bol rahi ho? Ye to achchha hi hua na ki bachche ko strong medicine nahin di. Aur Dr. Ashutosh… Well… Unki baaton ka koi kya kar sakta hai. Tum KMC mein nahin thi na. Isliye jaanti nahin ho unhein. He loses his temper for much smaller things.”

“Kyon aise hain ye?”

“Pata nahin, yaar. Main to bas ye teen mahine khatam hone ka intezaar kar rahi hoon.”

“Mere oopar kabhi aise chillaye to mujhe to heart attack hi aa jayega. Dr. Rangnath theek hi dara rahe the unse.”

Nidhi wondered what was in store for her. Unlike her fellow interns, she didn’t even know the people around here. She had come with a lot of hopes and excitement for her internship. Will her excitement survive? Or will a small mistake make her also fall by the side?

“He bhagwaan. Main ye galat patient file kaise le aayi. Dr. Ashutosh ke aane se pahle…” Nidhi turned around and saw Ashutosh in the ward. The file slipped from her hand.”Sir? Aap? Aap… aap jaldi aa gaye?”

“To? Mere jaldi aane par koi pabandi hai?”

“Na… nahin, Sir. Of course not. Main woh… I am sorry, Sir. Main abhi theek karti hoon.”

“Kya theek karna hai aapko? Aur ye file uthaiye zameen par se.”

“Haan… Haan… wahi to, Sir.”

“To iske liye aap itna ghabra kyon rahi hain? Utha lijiye file…”

“Sir woh file galat…”

“Galat?”

“Galat patient ki aa gayi hai, Sir…. Lekin main abhi… abhi.. le kar…”

“To sahi file le aaiye. Aap theek to hain? Aise kyon behave kar rahi hain jaise koi ghost dekh liya ho?”

“Na… nahin to Sir. Main aati hoon.”

Nidhi ran out of the ward and took a deep breath to calm herself down. He was not angry, he won’t blast you, she told herself, got the right file and went back to the ward.

“Dr. Mallika ne ye case refer kiya hai. Lower back mein pain ki problem hai, walk karne par ya zyada der khade rahne par,” Ashutosh explained to Nidhi and two other interns posted in the ward, “X-ray aur ultrasound karwa chuke hain. Spinal chord mein koi problem nahin hai. Muscle relaxants are not helping. Phir bhi physiotherapy karwai thi. But no improvement. Any suggestions?”

Everyone started thinking. Nidhi made to say something, but stopped. If it was something so simple, surely Dr. Mallika would have known it. Ashutosh saw her gulping and fidgeting.

“Aapko kuchh kahna hai Dr. Nidhi?” he asked.

“Yes Sir.”

“Then speak,” he said irritated, “Chup kyon khadi hain?”

“Sir… woh maine file dekhi thi… Bachche ne recently kaafi weight gain kiya hai.”

“So?”

“Ek possibility ye hai ki abdominal muscles utni strong nahin hain aur suddenly gained weight ko support nahin kar pa rahi hain, isliye back par zor pad raha hai… Hum abdominal muscles ki exercise karwa kar dekh sakte hain. Two weeks…”

She looked at him with expectation and fear as he thought over it for a few seconds.

“Possibility to hai. I think koi aur medicine dene se pahle we should try it.Why don’t you take up this case, Dr. Nidhi?”

“Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir,” she was extremely excited.

“To aap theek ho gaye?” Ashutosh was talking to the kid after a week.

“Yes Dr. Ashutosh.”

“Ye to bahut achchhi baat hai. Ab aap wapas se bhaag daud kar sakte hain.”

“Ji.”

“To yaad rakhiye ki padhna-likhna achchhi baat hoti hai lekin body ko healthy rakhna bhi zaroori hota hai aur uske liye thodi exercise hoti rahni chahiye, right? Aur jo exercises Dr. Nidhi ne aapko batayi thi, unhein continue rakhiyega. Theek hai?”

“Ji.”

“Good boy.”

“Good job Dr. Nidhi,” Ashutosh said after the patient had left with his parents.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Seriously Ashutosh? Abdominal muscle ki exercise for a week? That was it?” Mallika was unable to believe what had happened.

“Seriously.” Ashutosh replied matter of factly.

“I don’t believe this.”

“Hum doctors aise hi badnaam nahin hote Mallika patients ko ghumane-phirane ke liye. Intentionally nahin bhi, par hum kai baar simple options ki taraf dhyaan hi nahin dete. Back pain – and we started thinking like orthpedic surgeons. As pediatricians, we are supposed to keep all the possibilities in mind and start the diagnosis with the simplest one.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Suddenly Ashutosh smirked.

“What is so funny?” Mallika was flustered and irritated.

“Main tumhein achchhi tarah jaanta hoon Mallika. Tum is baat se hairaan nahin ho ki uski problem simple thi. Tum isliye pareshaan ho ki jo tumne nahin socha woh ek itni junior intern ne soch liya.”

“Come on Ashutosh. Tum ye kahna chahte ho ki main ek intern ko lekar insecure hoon.”

“Maine to nahin kaha Mallika. Tumne infer kiya. Khair, you have to give it to her. She is good.”

“Wow! Aaj suraj kidhar se nikla tha Ashutosh. Tum kissi ki taareef kar rahe ho? Woh bhi ek hardly do hafton se kaam kar rahi intern ki.”

“I can identify a good doctor when I see one.”

“To tumhein poore Kotnis General Hospital mein ya Kotnis Medical College mein koi aur achchha doctor nahin mila aaj tak?”

“Let me rephrase. I can identify a brilliant doctor when I see one. There are many good doctors. Lekin kuchh logon ke andar ek natural talent hota hai. She is one of them.”

“I see.”

“Khair. Tumhari duty to khatam ho gayi hai. Tum nikal jao. Main thodee der aur yahan rukoonga. Phir Jeevan Prabha jaunga.”

“Kabhi to aaraam kar liya karo Ashutosh.”

“Aaraam hi to kar raha hoon. Mujhe hospital mein hi aaraam milta hai Mallika.”

To be continued

Discovering Love (Part 2)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

5 years later…

Nidhi – now Dr. Nidhi Verma – entered Kotnish General Hospital to report for the first day of her internship. At the reception she was given a temporary badge and shown the way to a conference room. She went in and sat down on a seat in the front row, but in a corner. More people came in and she could identify those who were likely to be interns like her. Others must be the hospital staff and doctors, she reckoned.

All the murmuring stopped and there was a pin-drop silence as Dr. Ashutosh Mathur entered the room. He mumbled a good morning in response to the people who recognized and greeted him and then surveyed the room with cold eyes.

“You,” he suddenly pointed to Nidhi startling her, “Are you an intern?”

“Y… Yes Sir,” she said nervously.

“Why are you sitting separately then and not with other interns?”

“I am sorry, Sir. I didn’t know who else was an intern.”

“You don’t know your batchmates?” he asked sharply.

“Sir,” a doctor, whom she would later recognize as Dr. Rangnath, intervened, “She is not from Kotnis Medical College.”

“What do you mean? Why is she here for the internship then?”

“We have made an exception this time, Sir.”

“Why? Have we started succumbing to influence and pressure now? Which minister’s daughter is she?”

“Not influence, Sir. She had very good performance and recommendations.”

“Really?” Dr. Ashutosh was skpetcial, “We will see. Come now. Sit here with others.”

“Y… Yes Sir,” Nidhi said and came to the the seat he had indicated to.

“All right. So, doctors! As you all probably know that this internship is a requirement for your MBBS course. It is a rotating internship, which means you will work in four different departments, for a trimester each. For this group, the first trimester will be in the pediatrics department and I am the in-charge of this department. With this internship, your real life test starts. And to see how prepared you all are for this, we will have a quick test of 20 questions. Dr. Rangnath…”

“Yes Sir,” Rangnath distributed papers to all the interns.

“You have thirty minutes. Real life allows no cheating. So, better not try to do that.”

Everyone watched on as the new interns struggled with the questions for the next thirty minutes.

“All right! Time is up. Ye koi research questions nahin hain. Agar aapne ab tak answer nahin kiye hain to ye sure hai ki aap aage bhi nahin kar payenge. Now pass your answers to the fourth person on your right. If you are the right most in your row, then start counting the fourth person from the next row and so on. Let’s do it quickly. Now I am going to write the answers on the board and you have to grade the paper you have in your hands and total the marks. One for each right answer.”

It took about five minutes to do the grading.

“Anybody has a paper with 20 marks. 19? 18?”

“Sir!” someone got up and handed him the paper, “Whose is this? Nidhi Verma… Dr. Nidhi Verma.” He looked at the interns. Nidhi got up gingerly. Ashutosh looked visibly surprised, but he didn’t say anything. Just nodded and indicated with his hands asking her to sit down.

“17 anyone? 16? 15? 14? 13? 12?”

Several people stood up at 12 and handed him the paper. Between 11 and 10, rest of the papers were also finished. There was no surprise there. This was usual statistics, whenever he tested interns on their first day. 18 was definitely an abberation. He told the interns that the first day would mostly go in the administrative work and introduction with rest of the staff. The duties will be assigned from the next day. He wished them luck and left the room leaving Rangnath and other doctors and staff to handle the rest of the formalities with the interns.

They were done by 4 ‘o clock in the afternoon and were free to go home.Nidhi was about to leave when a group of female interns came to her.

“Hi,” one of them came forward, “Nidhi? Right? I am Priyanka.”

“Hi Priyanka.”

“Yaar tumne to kamaal kar diya. Dr. Hardstone ke test mein 18…”

“Kamaal ki koi baat nahin hai. I guess main lucky thi. Lekin Dr. Hardstone?”

“Tum KMC se nahin ho na. Isliye tumhein nahin pata. Lekin pata chal jayega. Tumne unhein ek baar bhi hanste hue ya smile karte hue dekha?”

“Kise?”

“Dr. Ashutosh ko.”

“Oh! Nahin…”

“Aur dekhogi bhi nahin. Isliye Dr. Hardstone. Unhein bas kaam se matlab hai. Hamari to kismat kharaab hai, jo pahle hi trimester mein unke saath kaam karna pad raha hai.”

Nidhi smiled nervously, she did not know what to say. Other interns, Sonali and Namrata also made acquaintance with her. They were about to leave, when Dr. Rangnath came running.

“Dr. Nidhi Verma.”

“Ji Dr. Rangnath.”

“Aapse thoda kaam tha. Aap please mere saath aaiye.”

“Tum log jao. Main chali jaungi,” Nidhi told other interns and came with him.

“Kya hua? Koi extra formality hai kya?” Nidhi asked wondering if her not being from KMC was going to be an administrative issue.

“Nahin nahin. Formality nahin, Aapke oopar bahut bada informal bam girne waala hai.”

“Ji?”

“Ji. Dr. Hardstone… I mean Dr. Ashutosh Mathur aapse milna chahte hain.”

“Unka nickname to mujhe pata hai, lekin woh mujhse kyon milna chahte hain?”

“Main unka koi jigari yaar to hoon nahin ki apne man ki baat mujhe batayenge. Waise bhi unke man ki baat kissi ko nahin pata hoti.”

“Dr. Mathur ka bada terror hai yahan lagta hai.”

“Unka terror nahin hai, woh khud terror hain.”

“Come on Dr. Rangnath…”

“Lijiye… Morgue… I mean Dr. Ashutosh ka office aa gaya. Ab aage aap jaaniye aur aapke ghar waale. Unhein inform karne ki zaroorat padegi to main kar doonga. Aapne contacts to sahi se bhare the na?”

“You are too much Dr. Rangnath,” Nidhi could not help feeling amused.

“Apni muskurahat dho-pochh lijiye, andar jaane se pahle. Behtar hoga. Main apne office mein aapke liye dua karoonga.”

Although Nidhi had rubbished Rangnath’s concern before him, but when he left and she knocked on the door, she did feel terrorized remembering Ashutosh’ strict demeanour from the morning.

“May I come in, Sir?”

“Yes.”

“Good evening, Sir. Dr. Rangnath kah rahe the ki aapne mujhe…”

“Yes. Please sit down Dr. Verma.”

“Thank you, Sir. Sir, mujhse… koi galti… ho gayi kya? Woh darasal main KMC se nahin hoon to mujhe bahut kuchh pata nahin hai, lekin main jaldi hi sab seekh jaungi…So, Sir…”

“Maine ye kab kaha ki aapse koi galti hui hai…”

“Oh! Phir aapne mujhe kyon bulaya, Sir?”

Ashutosh sighed in exasperation. “This is ridiculous,” he mumbled.

“Ji Sir?”

“Kuchh nahin. Maine…” he rubbed his forehead trying to remember what he wanted to say, “Yeah. Maine aapko ye kahne ke liye bulaya tha ki you did a good job in the test this morning. Main abhi aapka paper dekh raha tha. Aapne sahi answers diye hain, aur explanations bhi.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Lekin ek baat meri samajh mein nahin aayi. Jin do questions mein aapko marks nahin mile, unka aapne andaaze se bhi koi jawaab nahin likha. Kyon? Negative marking nahin ho rahi thi yahan. Log attempt to karte hi hain…”

“Yes Sir,” she said with a nervous smile, “Medical ke entrance exams mein, aur board exams mein to maine bhi kiya tha. Lekin doctor banne ke baad mahsoos hua ki patients ka ilaaj hum tukka maar kar to nahin kar sakte. Agar mujhe surity nahin hogi to I will prefer taking help of seniors or books, rather than putting a life to risk. Isliye maine test mein bhi andaaza lagane ki koshish nahin ki.”

Ashutosh looked at her curiously, “Interesting. Theek hai. Aap ja sakti hain. I hope aapka performance aage bhi test ki tarah hi achchha rahe.”

“I will try my best, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

To be continued

Discovering Love (Part 1)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Tumhare ye zevar asli hain?” Aloknath Mathur was incredulous, when his wife took out her jewelry for wearing on the occasion of her god-bharai. She was pregnant with their first child.

“To main nakli zevar kyon pahanti apni shaadi par? Aap aise baatein kyon kar rahe hain?”

“Tumhare ghar waalon ne diye honge.”

“Mere ghar waalon ke paas itne paise kahan hain? Ma-Baba ne bhijwaye the,” she said talking about her in-laws, Aloknath’s parents.

“Mujhe medicine ki padhai karwane ke liye aapke paas paise nahin the,” Aloknath was furious at his parents, “Na hi apna business shuru karwane ke liye paise the. Lekin meri shaadi karwane ke liye aur ye zevar banwane ke liye the paise aapke paas.”

“Ma-Baap se baat karne ki tameez bhool gaye ho tum Alok,” his father chided him.

“Agar Ma-Baap apna farz bhool jayen to…”

“Farz nahin bhoole hum. Isliye tumhein chaadar ke bahar paon failane se roka hai. Zevar investment hote hain. Bure waqt par kaam aate hain. Tumahre bhi aayenge. Kya kami hai tumhein? Achchi bhali naukri hai. Sukhi ho apni shaadi-shuda zindagi mein…”

“Dum ghutata hai mera is naukri mein. Aur is sukhi zindagi mein…” he rushed out and did not come back for god-bharai. When he came back late at night, his wife was still waiting for him.

“Aapko Ma-Baba se aise baat nahin karni chahiye thi.”

“Tum door raho is maamle se.”

“Meri baat suniye. Apno se gussa hona achchhi baat nahin hai.”

“Tumne suna nahin maine kya kaha.”

She did not say anything after that. When he woke up the next morning, she was not on the bed. but her jewelry box was. There was a note lying there.

“Ye gahne mere hain aur main apni marzi se aapko de rahi hoon. Ab ye aapke hue. Jo bhi aap karna chahte hain, kar sakte hain.”

He got up and left without saying a word to anybody.

Life had been kind to him since the day he had arrived in Lucknow with the box of jewelry in his hand. He had put up with a friend for a few days, then had mortgaged the jewelry and had started off a modest business of trading clothes. Since then there had been no turning back. The jewelry was back in his custody within eight months and forty eight years since then, he had a huge business business of apparel design, manufacturing and reatailing. Ashutosh had been with him since last thirty years and he had built a small and complete family with him.

But in these last few days, something had bothered him. He was feeling guilty. About the people he had left behind. He had left an eight months pregnant wife behind him!! Whatever happened to his family!

“Babaaa… Baba jaldi aaiye…”

“Kya hua Nidhi?”

“Baba. Dekhiye to inhein kya hua hai?”

“He Bhagwaan,” Yograj Verma was shocked to see the state of the old man lying on the road in front of his house, “Inhein hospital le jaana padega beta. Kaun hain ye?”

“Pata nahin Baba. Main to bas tution padhane ke liye nikal rahi thi jo inhein dekha.”

“Chalo. Jaldi karo. Ruko main kissi ko bulata hoon aas paas se. Madad ki zaroorat padegi. Tum zara rickshaw roko.”

“Rickshaw se kaise jayenge Baba. Aap ambulance bulaiye. Woh Jeevan Prabha hospital hai na – charity hospital hai. Wahan le ja sakte hain.”

“Haan… Haan. Sahi kah rahi ho tum.Main bhi na kabhi kabhi…”

“Are – ye to Mathur Sahab hai,” the hospital staff who had rushed to take the old man out of the ambulance exclaimed!

“Aap log inhein jaante hain?” Nidhi was surprised.

“Ji Ma’am. Ye hospital inka hi to banwaya hua hai. Inki charity se hi chalta hai.”

“Oh! Phir to achchha hai hum inhein yahan la aaye. Aap inke ghar waalon ko bulwa lenge na?”

“Ji. Aap uski chinta mat kijiye. Aap chahein to ja sakte hain. Yahan inki poori dekh-bhaal hogi.”

“Nidhi beta. Ye to apne hi logon ke saath hain phir. Hum chalte hain. Tumhare students bhi tumhara intezaar kar rahe honge.”

Nidhi didn’t know why, but she wanted to stay back. She looked on for a moment, as they took the old man inside the hospital. Something tugged at her heart, but she couldn’t quite explain it. So, she agreed with her father.

“Theek hai Baba. Chaliye.”

“Ji. Kal main aur mere Baba yahan ek patient ko le kar aaye the,” Nidhi was enquiring at the reception of the hospital the next day, “Koi Mathur Sahab. Unhone ye hostpial banwaya hai…”

“Ji haan, ji haan…”

“Unki tabiyat kaisi hai? Kya hua the unhein?”

“Cardiac arrest… Matlab heart attack aaya tha. I’m sorry, lekin unki halat achchhi nahin thi. Unhein specialist ke care ki zaroorat thi. Unke bete bhi doctor hain to unhone unhein apne hospital mein shift karwa liya hai.”

“Thank you,” Nidhi wondered if she should ask about the hospital he had been shifted to, but hesitated in interfering too much and didn’t ask.

“Meri samajh mein nahin aa raha hai ki Baba akele aise bahar kyon gaye the? Car bhi nahin thi ghar par. Mujhe bula liya hota. Ya kam se kam car hi mangwa li hoti,” Ashutosh was pacing up and down in his office. Baba’s friend and lawyer Devraj Kapoor was visiting him. “Aapse koi baat hui thi unki?”

“Na… nahin to,” Devraj said. Ashutosh was so occupied with Baba’s health that he did not notice Devraj fidgeting. Just then his mobile rang.

“Yes. Dr. Singhania? Kya… Oh God!! Main… main aata hoon… Mr. Kapoor. Baba ki tabiyat kharaab ho rahi hai.”

They rushed towards his room in the cardiology ward.

“Baba,” Ashutosh rushed by his side and clasped his hands, “Aapko kuchh nahin hoga Baba.”

“Use… uska haq… dila dena,” Ashutosh barely caught what Baba was trying to say, “Dev… Ashu…”

The next moment Ashutosh knew that Baba had spoken his last words. He did not understand what those were. He didn’t care. He looked on. Helplessly. What was he to do? It was like his world had come to an end. It indeed had. After all it started and ended with Baba.

“Ashutosh,” Devraj’s hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. He was acutely aware of the lump in his throat.

“Main aata hoon,” he managed to say and rushed out to find a lonely corner, where he could cry his heart out. Like an eight year old, whom Baba had found crying in a lonely corner and had brought home with him. May be Baba will come back again, if he cried alone!

“Locker mein kuchh zevar the Mr. Kapoor. Aur uske saath mein ek chhota sa note – ‘Ashutosh. Agar main ise us tak nahin pahuncha saka to tum zaroor pahuncha dena.’ Mujhe kuchh samajh mein nahin aaya. Unki will mein bhi to koi zikr nahin hai… Mujhe laga ki shayad aapko pata ho…”

“Ashutosh. Mathur Sahab mere liye bahut mushkil kaam chhod gaye hain…”

“Paheliya mat bujhaiye please.”

“Dekho Ashutosh, jo main tumhein batane ja raha hoon, mujhe nahin pata tum uspar kaise react karoge. Lekin jaanna tumhare liye zaroori hai. Mathur sahab ka tumhare alawa bhi ek parivaar hai. Parivaar kya hai, naatin hai ek jo apne pita, yani Mathur sahab ke daamad ke saath rahti hai.”

“Ye… Ye aap kaisi baatein kar rahe hain? Agar aisa kuchh hota to Baba mujhe zaroor batate.”

“Zyada kuchh mujhe bhi pata nahin hai Ashutosh. Bas itna jaanta hoon ki woh apna ghar chhod kar bahut pahle chale aaye the. Unhone apni beti tak ki shakal nahin dekhi hai. Lekin kareeb ek mahine pahle unhone meri madad maangi apne parivaar ko dhoondhne mein. To maine hi pata karwa kar unhein bataya tha. Woh gahne unki wife ke the, jo woh apni naatin ko dena chahte the. Us din woh un logon se hi milne gaye the…”

“Us din? Matlab? Jab… unki tabiyat kharaab hui?”

Devraj nodded.

“To aakhir aisa kya kiya ya kaha un logon ne ki unki ye halat ho gayi?” Ashutosh was agitated.

“Ye to mujhe nahin pata Ashutosh. Unse mil kar hi pata chalega. Tum chaho to main tumhein unka pata…”

“Koi zaroorat nahin hai,” his anger was chilling, “Jin logon ki wajah se maine Baba ko kho diya unse main baat nahin karna chahta.”

“Aur woh zevar…”

“Jahan Baba rakh kar gaye the, wahin pade rahenge.”

To be continued

Destined (Part 30 – Last Part)

Posted 9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

It was a couple’s therapy session, which they had gone for on advice from Dr. Mathew. They walked to the car silently, still reeling emotionally from the experience.

Paritosh had to drive. But Rupali was so overwhelmed that she leaned back on the passenger’s seat and closed her eyes. They had been asked to speak out their feelings for each other. And why did they feel the way they did?

“At first it was the professional admiration,” Paritosh had said about her, “She had the tolerance for everything unnerving that came with the profession. And still a compassion for people. I had seen too many people lose one for the other. Then it was a curiosity that drew me to her. She showed a strange mix of strength and helplessness… And then a connection. A shared pain of orphanhood. A shared past. But despite all the pain, helplessness, loneliness, sense of abandonment, her strength shone through. She herself did not realize it, but she had never given up on life. Always held on to something to carry her through. Her studies, her profession… And she was not bitter. She could act on my wisdom, which I had myself never acted on. She was… she is my hope… for life.”

Could she really mean that much to him? More than a protegee, a helpless girl in need of help, or a muse? She meant “hope” for him? Him saying that meant the world to her. The last shreds of doubt about herself, about their relationship were gone!

Even thought Paritosh was too responsible a person to not pay attention to the road and traffic while driving, it did not keep his mind free from the thoughts of the session.

“I could talk about a thousand times when he has been there for me,” she had said, “But he had me the very first time… When he stopped Rohan in the hospital… From forcing himself on me… Nobody else cared, or noticed earlier; and if they did, they looked the other way, they never said anything. That was the first time anyone had stood up for me. That was the first time I felt that… it might still be possible to save myself, my dignity…”

He hadn’t thought about that incident in a long time now. It meant so much to her!! That hesitant, unsure intervention? He had considered “looking away”. He couldn’t thank God enough that he didn’t act on that. Instead he had listened to his heart.

They were about to reach his house, when her phone rang. She picked it up reluctantly.

“Kaku?” She got attentive on seeing the number, “Hello Kaku… What? Oh… Oh my God! Dr. Khanna,” she looked at him and spoke urgently, “We need to go to the hospital.” He nodded, a thousand questions popping up in his mind. “We are on our way Kaku. Please remain calm. Everything will be all right.”

“What happened?” he asked as soon as she disconnected the call.

“Kakima had a heart attack. Kaku was too flustered. I could not get much information out of him. She is in the hospital.”

“Won’t take us more than twenty minutes. Don’t worry, okay?”

She nodded.

Rohan had escaped from the medical facility and had assaulted a girl. She was saved by the staff finding him just in time. But her family had filed a case. He might not have to go to jail because of his mental status, but it was going to be either the facility or the jail for him. Damyanti had not taken the news well.

“She kept asking for you Rupa,” Sabyasachi told her, as they waited outside the ICU.

“Me?” Rupali was surprised. Shouldn’t it have been Rohan?

“She thought that if you did not forgive her and Rohan, we’d never have a normal life again.”

“Oh my God!” Rupali buried her head in her hands, “How do I ever convince her Kaku, or you that I never bore any ill-will towards you? How can I Kaku? Am I so ungrateful?”

“Of course not, my child,” Sabyasachi tried to get control of his emotions, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you about her incoherent ramblings. I was just… I am not in control of myself…”

“Everything will be all right. The best cardiologist in the city, in the entire country, is with her right now. Please Kaku. Take care of yourself.”

He nodded and sighed.

There wasn’t much to be done at the hospital. Damyanti had survived the attack. But she would wake up only by evening. Sabyasachi refused to leave the hospital for even a moment. So, they arranged a room for him in the hospital itself and came back to Paritosh’ house. They had a late lunch, mostly in silence. Then Rupali followed Paritosh to his room. He had hardly spoken anything since the phone call about the heart attack, except for the bare minimal formalities in asking after Damyanti at the hospital. And thanks to the effect of the earlier session, they hadn’t talked much in the car before that either. It was a confusing situation for Rupali. What was he thinking?

“What happened?” she asked directly.

“Nothing,” his reply was non-committal, “Or probably a lot. How are you feeling?”

She gave a knowing smile, “Why does it always have to be about me first Dr. Khanna? Why don’t you speak about yourself for a change?”

Paritosh looked surprised by her reply. Then he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. Rupali followed the suit.

“What is it?” she goaded, “You have to talk to me.”

“Rupali. You are already under too much pressure…”

“What pressure? Kakima’s health is upsetting, but what is there to feel pressurized about?”

“Let it go, Rupali. Some other time.”

“No. No way,” she was adamant, “Are you seeing some divine connection between what happened to Rohan or Kakima and us? I know you. You are prone to thinking like that…”

“If I could, I would take you away from all of this, so that you never have to hear about Rohan again. But… This morning I had thought that we’d taken a big step towards each other. And by now it seems like you have been pushed away again. I’m… I’m probably not thinking straight. I am sorry, Rupali. I might be hurting you… And I don’t intend to be insensitive towards Mrs. Moitra, but it’s just that…”

His ramblings were silenced by Rupali suddenly holding his hands and clutching them tight. He stopped talking and looked down at their hands in surprise. Rupali then lifted one of his hands and gently caressed his cuff-links.

“What is it with the cuff-links?” he asked suddenly, “Why do you stare at them all the time.”

Rupali was taken by surprise. Her reaction to the cuff-links had been noticeable, it meant. She smiled, “There was something I should have said in the session, but I did not. For some reason. However, since you are such a believer in seeing divine connection, let me tell you this.”

He looked at her questioningly, when she paused. Assured that she had his attention, she went on. She told him about her nightmare and the helping hands she had seen. And how in the morning she had realized that she had seen his hands.

“I must have known subconsciously, Dr. Khanna,” she concluded, “That you would be there for me. If there is a divine connection, it is this. Here. Between us. Otherwise, we being together was impossible.”

“You are crazy, Rupali.”

“So are you. But this ‘pushing away’ business is over, Dr. Khanna. Nobody, nothing is going to push me away any longer. Just one thing…”

“What is it?” he was easily alarmed.

“The past can not be erased. They are my parents. Guilty or not, they are not going to turn their back on me. Or me on them. And Rohan is their son. He and his issues will come up every now and then. Kaku has promised me that he won’t bring him back to Kolkata. Now, he can’t do that even if he wanted to. But I can not wipe those names off my life, Dr. Khanna. Will you be able to take it?”

“I can take a lot more,” Paritosh replied in a hoarse, urgent voice, “So long as you are there.”

And in an uncharacteristic act, she lifted his hand even further, bent down a bit planted a quick kiss on it. When she looked up, she met with an intense gaze from Paritosh. Today, thought, she was able to hold it. She went ahead, put her arms around him, leaned on him, and nuzzled his chest and hollow of the neck. The effect it had on him was too much for him to handle. He held her and pushed her away a bit.

“Don’t do this,” his voice was hoarser and his eyes dark.

“Why not?” she whispered back.

“You are driving me crazy. I’ll break my promise…”

“I don’t care. I want to jump through all the steps remaining between us.” With this she closed her eyes and her lips pouted, just a little, expecting to be kissed.

The invitation was impossible to resist and Paritosh crashed his lips on hers. This must be how the heroines in the romantic novels felt, Rupali could not help thinking to herself. This kiss was something she could look forward to – again & again!

He bent over her and started kissing and nibbling on her neck and earlobes. She was surprised at the sensations it created in her body. Rohan had never done that. Not surprising. He was always driven by his own needs. Groping her wherever he felt like. But why was she thinking about that jerk at this special moment. Her head turned, as Paritosh moved to the other side of her neck. And she saw the door.

“Dr. Khanna,” she hissed with difficulty. Her throat was giving way to his sweet assaults on her body.

He withdrew immediately, looking concerned. Was she not ready?

She pointed towards the door with her hands. “Please lock it,” she managed to say.

Paritosh sighed in relief and got up, but did not leave her behind. He took her with him to the door, locked it and pinned her against it.

“You are sure?” he wanted another confirmation.

“Please stop asking questions,” she was miserable. With her anticipation and desires!!

“You can still stop me anytime, okay?”

She just managed to nod. And he busied himself with her body. She soon found herself responding to his actions. She ran her fingers through his hair, gently at first, then urgently. She ran them over his back, spine and chest. She had never touched Rohan, except when he forced her hands on himself and… Stop thinking about him, Rupali. Don’t spoil this. She threw away those thoughts. And she did not realize when he had taken her back to the bed. She remembered him hissing in her ears once, “You will need a pill after this. But once is okay.” Will he stop thinking!

And finally he entered her. It was strange at first, but he was gradual, slow and gentle. Soon, she had settled in the rhythm and started enjoying the ride. She was thankful that Rohan had spared her this. Else, she would have had horrible memories associated with it. She didn’t. She could enjoy it.
Their union!

Paritosh suddenly turned towards her, as they lay spent on the bed, basking in the after-effects of their love-making. “Marry me, Rupali,” he said suddenly.

She was taken by surprise. But she managed to come back, “You are wicked, Dr. Khanna. You ask me, when I am at my vulnerable best.”

His face twitched, “I… I am sorry. I didn’t…”

She chuckled and shook her head, “I am joking.”

“You can tell me later,” he was still serious.

“Dr. Khanna,” she spoke somberly and sat up slightly, pulling the bed-cover over her naked body, “You are way too sweet. To ask me. I had presumed it. I thought you had too. If you hadn’t, you can now.”

She hadn’t seen a bigger grin on his face earlier. He also sat up and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Thank you,” he said.

“Seriously?” Rupali raised her eyebrows dramatically, “Thank you?”

They laughed slightly and hugged.

“This has given peace of mind not just to me, Rupali. But when we announce it, it would give peace to all the people who feel guilty for either of us. Chand, Moitras.”

“Ah! I have been fooled. It is for their love that you want to marry me, not mine,” Rupali joked.

“Shut up,” Paritosh replied playfully.

“Or else?”

“I will shut you up,” he said and to demonstrate kissed her on her lips long and hard.

“Let’s catch up on some sleep,” he said after breaking the kiss, “Night duty.”

“As you say, wise man!” Rupali teased him and they lied down in each other’s arms.

– The End –

Destined (Part 29)

Posted 3 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“So, tell me Rupali. What do you feel is not right with you?” Dr. Mathew asked after their session restarted. Paritosh had briefed him and he didn’t insist on hearing it from Rupali.

“Nothing is right with me.” her voice was weak and her eyes downcast, “And I can’t stop feeling that way.”

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way, Rupali. You have been through more than most people can imagine in their worst nightmares. Losing your parents, years of abuse, two near-deaths experiences…”

And the tears that she did not want flowing before a stranger started coming out of her eyes. Dr. Mathew discreetly pushed a box of tissue paper towards her and she helped herself to it.

“What kept you going all those years?” He asked.

“I wanted to be a doctor. Mummy wanted me to…”

“And you are a doctor now. Which college did you go to?”

“AIIMS.”

“Wow! Amongst top 30 in the entrance examination, then? What was you rank?”

“8th.”

“Top 10! Everything was not wrong with life, was it?”

Rupali wiped her tears with her hands this time. With the back of her hands, Paritosh could not help noticing. Then she shook her head.

“And you graduated with flying colors, I believe. To have landed with this internship offer.”

She nodded.

“You have gone through what most people won’t imagine even in their worst nightmares. And yet you have achieved what most people won’t imagine even in their best dreams. Am I right?”

For the first time during the session, she looked up. She looked sideways at Paritosh and then back at Dr. Mathew. Then she nodded her head.

“Tell me, how do you feel? On your average day?”

“Sometimes, I am fine. Even happy,” she replied. She was finally relaxing and opening up, “And yet at other times, I feel hopeless. Most of the time actually…”

“And since when have you been feeling like this?”

“Since forever, it feels…” her voice drowned. Then she continued, “But it has been worse after coming back to Kolkata.”

“You felt trapped, day in and day out.”

“Yes,” her voice was barely audible. She seemed to be reliving the troubles of last few months.

“Tell me about it.”

“Rohan wasn’t around me for such long periods earlier. I used to try and forget about the days when he was… But after coming back… It became impossible.”

“You don’t have any close friends?”

“I didn’t,” she said and then hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Now I do.” Despite the clinical environment, she blushed and downcast her eyes.

Paritosh smiled slightly and pressed her hand.

“Who?”

Rupali looked at him startled. Why would he ask? Wasn’t it obvious?

Dr. Mathew seemed to have read her thoughts, “Speak it out. It will feel good.”

“Dr. Khanna,” she gulped and barely managed to speak.

“So, even today, everything is not wrong with life, is it?” he smiled.

“It shouldn’t feel that way. But it still does… I am sorry,” she suddenly turned to Paritosh.

“I understand,” Paritosh assured her hastily.

“He does, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew concurred, “And its not your fault. You are suffering from depression.”

“How do I get out of it?”

“Just like you recover from any other illness. Good news is that your depression is only mild to moderate. And not severe. In severe depression, people find it impossible to function. You are highly functional. In fact, an achiever. You manage fine at work, right?”

She nodded. “Manages rather well.” Paritosh said, “Even after sleepless nights, she has never been found to make a mistake.”

“That’s great. And insomnia is also most likely due to depression.”

“What is the treatment, then?”

“There are two ways. And they can be used in combination. Which is what I will recommend for you. For mild depression, usually therapy is good enough. But you have suffered for too long, and there are chances of it getting to moderate levels. So, we’d also supplement it with medicines.”

“Medicines?” Rupali sounded unsure.

“Don’t worry. We now have medicines that don’t have any side effects. We can always adjust the dosage or even change the prescription, if you see any problems. It will aid your recovery. It is not like you are going to become dependent on drugs. You are a doctor yourself. You would have studied some of it. If you want, you can read up more and assure yourself.”

She looked at Paritosh and on his assuring blink nodded to Dr. Mathew.

“I am going to write it down here. My assistant will give you the schedule and appointments for therapy sessions. Some can be attended alone, others are recommended to be attended by close family, friends or significant others. Okay?”

She nodded again.

“Is there anything else in particular you are worried about?”

Rupali made to say something, and then stopped. How would she talk about it? She could live with her depression all her life. What she did not want was Paritosh to live with her depression all his life. She wanted a normal life with him. And that would mean…

“Yes?”

Rupali gulped and looked around everywhere except at Paritosh and Dr. Mathew.

“Rupali,” Paritosh said, “I think it would help if I stepped out.”

“But…” she was afraid that he might have been offended.

“It’s okay. You are safe here.” He wasn’t offended! He was too busy looking out for her comfort.

She nodded and he left, “I am right outside. In the lobby.”

“Yes, Rupali. Tell me. It’s absolutely confidential, non-judgmental and safe.”

“I… I am afraid of never having a normal…” she hesitated and them used the euphemism, “married life.”

“You mean sexual life?” he came to the point.

She gulped and nodded.

“You don’t like the idea of having sex with anyone?”

“I go frigid.”

“It’s a difficult situation. You need a patient partner.”

“I couldn’t have a more patient one.”

“Sometimes even we doctors have to say it Rupali. But let’s keep our fingers crossed. God willing, you will be all right and perfectly healthy.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“All the best!”

Paritosh was pacing anxiously in the lobby, when Rupali came out. He stopped as soon as he spotted her and waited for her to come up to him.

“Are you all right?” he asked gently.

She nodded with a slight smile. They met Dr. Mathew’s assistant and took the appointment and medicine prescriptions.

“Was it exhausting?” Paritosh asked after they had stepped out of the clinic.

“It was. But it is for good, I guess?”

“Yes. But I just want to tell you Rupali that you should not feel pressurized…”

“I am under pressure Dr. Khanna. But not from you. From myself. From my own wishes.”

He sighed, “And since you have set your mind to it, I am sure you will be able to do it.”

“Hope so.”

“So, what do you want to do now?” They were not on duty that day.

“I want you to finish your painting. And… I don’t mind posing, if it helps.”

Paritosh felt happy. “Sure,” he said brightly and they drove off.

To be continued

Destined (Part 28)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“How far has your painting come?” she asked him after it was decided that he was staying back.

“What painting?” he was taken by surprise.

“Your latest one…” she realized that he didn’t know she had seen her painting. Was she trespassing?

“When did you see it?”

“The night we came back from Darjeeling,” she was regretting bringing this up now.

But he smiled to her relief. “You won’t let me have any secrets, will you?”

She shrugged and smiled.

She chuckled when she saw the painting, “Where are my ears?” The painting had her hair in a high ponytail, but her ears were missing.

“You usually keep your hair open. I had seen you in this hairstyle only once. I couldn’t remember what your ears looked like. So… It’s incomplete.”

He didn’t mean it, but that sounded like an allusion to their relationship. It wasn’t complete. Something was missing. Just like the ears were missing from the painting. She gulped. Then her hands went to her right ear and tucked her hair behind her ear. She repeated it with the left ear. To let him see what her ears looked like.

There was something very sensual about this gesture and Paritosh stared at her for a while. Then as if in a trance, he closed on her and caressed her right cheek with his hand. His hand, then, moved to her right ear and rubbed it slightly. Rupali closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. And Paritosh came out of his trance.

He stepped back startled and even before Rupali had opened her eyes, retreated out of the room. “Dr. Khanna!” she mumbled looking around confused and then rushed out of the room.

He was in his room. He stood facing away from the door, as she entered soundlessly. He hadn’t changed for the hospital before breakfast. So, he was still in his white cotton Kurta-Paijama. Rupali’s heart skipped a beat, as she approached the kurta-clad figure with broad shoulders and straight posture.

“Dr. Khanna!”

“Eh?” he was startled as he turned back, “Yes. I am sorry…”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure. Tell me,” his voice betrayed his nervousness, although his words were normal.

“I want to see Dr. Mathew.”

“Why?” To Rupali’s surprise he looked alarmed, instead of happy.

“Why? You always wanted me to…”

“But you never accepted. Why now?”

She downcast her eyes, “I want to get better, Dr. Khanna.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain, “I have pressurized you, haven’t I?” Rupali looked at him in surprise. He continued, “Since yesterday… Bit by bit… I have broken my promise to you. But you are not under my debt Rupali. You are not obliged to tolerate it. I had kept you in my life with a promise… That I’d never…” he took a deep breath trying to gather courage for his next words, “I’d never touch you. And yet I have…”

“Dr. Khanna please!”

“Go away, Rupali. You don’t have to stay. I have broken my promise.”

Rupali got tears in her eyes, “And didn’t it occur to you that I stayed not just because you had promised me something like that, but also because I wanted to?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“I want a normal relationship Dr. Khanna. It has nothing to do with what you are calling ‘pressurizing me’. It’s just my wish… I want to get better…”

“You are telling me the truth?”

“Of course, I am. What has come upon you? Didn’t you always want me to get better? I didn’t heed you all these days, because… Among other things I didn’t have the courage to go there alone. It was… It still is a scary thought. And I had asked you to stay back today, because I wanted to talk… I wanted to ask you if you would come with me…” she choked on her words.

Paritosh looked at her emotionally. He also had to clear his throat before replying, “If you are still asking me… Yes. Yes, I’d come.”

She knew he wouldn’t hug her. So, she went forward to took the initiative herself. He almost crushed her while hugging her back, but she wasn’t threatened. She felt safe, and loved and cared for.

“Please come in. Dr. Rupali Banerjee, right?” Dr. Mathew’s disposition was cheerful and friendly, but he was surprised as he saw who entered the room with her, “Paritosh?”

“Hi John,” Paritosh smiled at him, “I know this is unusual. But Rupali was a little nervous about seeing you and asked me to…”

For the first time Rupali realized that it was awkward for Paritosh. And he knew it all along. But he hadn’t hesitated even for a moment, when she had asked him to come with her.

“Please sit down,” Dr. John Mathew was back in his element, “So, Rupali. How are you today?”

She gave him a nervous, half smile. What kind of question was that? How would one be on any given day to have to come to a psychiatrist.

“There is nothing to be nervous about, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew said somberly when she did not say anything, “Anything we talk about here, remains in this room. It won’t ever go out. You are doctor. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” her voice barely came out.

“So, tell me. What worries you?”

Dr. Mathew was as friendly and assuring as anyone could be. So, Rupali could not blame him when she found her hands and fee going cold. What was she to tell him? How? Had it all been a mistake?

Silence hung in the air uncomfortably for a few moments.

“You need to talk, Rupali.”

Silence.

Paritosh noticed her stiffening body and was compelled to speak, “Rupali. Would it help if I left. It might be…”

“No!” her alarmed reaction was immediate. And she clutched his hands instinctively. To stop him from leaving.

That’s when Paritosh realized that her hands had gone ice-cold.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed and took both her hands in his and rubbed against them to give her some warmth. “What’s the matter, Rupali? What are you so afraid of? Her hands are dead cold, John.”

Dr. Mathew looked thoughtful. He asked Paritosh, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Paritosh nodded and then turned to Rupali to ask her to let him go for a while. But she did not loosen her grip on his hands.

“I will give you sometime,” Dr. Mathew said and after Paritosh’ nod left the room.

“I am not going anywhere,” Paritosh spoke to Rupali in low, assuring voice after Dr. Mathew left, “What has happened to you? You have survived everything Rupali. Talking about it can not be worse than living it. What makes you so nervous?”

“This is my last chance,” she finally spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

“My last chance to get better. If this fails, I do not know what I’d do.”

Paritosh sighed. Whether or not she accepted it, she was feeling pressurized.

“May be,” he said after thinking it through, “May be this is your last chance at getting better. But with me, Rupali, you are left with no chance at all. It does not matter if you get better or not, it does not matter if you become worse, even if you become mad and lose your mind, I’m not giving you a chance to run away from me.”

She was overwhelmed, but she did not cry. She leaned on him and rested her head on his chest, “It was a bad idea, Dr. Khanna. I don’t have the strength to talk about my life. Yet again. To yet another person. Let’s go back.”

“That’s fine, Rupali,” he patted her head, “There is no pressure, you know that, right?”

“I really wanted to…” she was torn between her hopes and her fears.

Paritosh pushed her back and took a good look at her face.

“I’m being unreasonable, am I not?” Rupali became conscious.

“What’s wrong in being unreasonable once in a while? Let me talk to John. If he agrees, I will tell him everything. Then you won’t have to narrate it all. Okay? From then on he’d be able to ask you questions and continue with his diagnosis and treatment. Is that fine?”

He always had a solution for her. She looked amazed. Then nodded slowly. “Will he agree?” she asked feeling uncertain.

“I don’t know. Let me try.”

“Okay.”

To be continued

Destined (Part 27)

Posted 5 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“Why the hell did you run into the rain?” Partiosh was not assuaged yet.

Rupali was sneezing by the time she managed to change her clothes and come out to the hall of her house.

“The kids weren’t getting back. They would have fallen ill.”

“Kids can be quite immune. It is you who has fallen ill. Where is the thermometer?”

“Thermometer?”

“You are sneezing like crazy. I want to make sure you are not running a temperature.”

“I don’t have a thermometer. And I am fine.”

“You don’t have a thermometer at home, Dr. Rupali Banerjee?” Paritosh was annoyed as his emphasis on “Dr.” showed.

“Please Dr. Khanna,” Rupali felt miserable seeing his foul mood continue.

“Let me check…” he made to touch her forehead and then hesitated, “Can I?”

She nodded looking embarrassed.

“You are running a temperature, Rupali.”

“I am sorry. I really am. Now please, don’t ruin your mood like that. I will take a paracetamol and sleep it off. I will be fine by the morning.”

Paritosh took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

“I am sorry,” he said softly, “I got worried. But you need to eat something, have a cup of hot tea, and then take rest. Radha is not here yet. Can you call her?”

“Okay,” she said and made the call.

“Lie down in your bedroom. I will make you some tea in the meanwhile.”

“I will go later. And Radha will make tea. You don’t need to…”

“Don’t annoy me again. Let me take you to your room.”

Rupali had no option, but to go with him.

He pulled a chair close to her bed as she sipped her tea. “So, this is why you used to get sick in your childhood? Running around in rain?” he asked with a smile.

“I was cold intolerant.”

“You still are.”

“I didn’t realize.”

“How come?”

“Just didn’t…” she replied and averted her eyes. But she could not hide her tears from him.

“Hey! What happened? Rupali?”

“Nothing. Nothing really…” she kept the tea away and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. It was adorably cute how she wiped her tears like a little girl. But right now, she was very disturbed.

“Talk to me, please Rupali.”

“I miss my parents…”

“Of course, you do. How can you not miss them? But why these tears, all of a sudden? Did my scolding hurt you?”

She shook her head, “It reminded me of them. I used to be careless. I knew I was intolerant to cold and water. Still, I would go out in the rain, go around without warm clothes in winters… Because… Because I knew they would be there to nurse me. And I never thought that it would be a trouble to them. You don’t think anything you do could be a trouble to your parents. And then they were gone… Just like that… I could no longer take anybody for granted after that. I was cautious. I didn’t want to fall ill. I didn’t want to be more of a burden than I already was. I became so careful, I almost never fell ill. So, I had started thinking that I was immune now. I wasn’t… I just didn’t believe anyone was there to nurse me, if I fell ill…”

“Now you do, right?” Paritosh’ eyes had moistened. He knew what she was saying. Not being able to take anybody for granted. But in his case, he had never known his parents. He hadn’t known any other way of life in his childhood except for other people taking care of him. It wasn’t a great feeling, but it didn’t create the dissonance it had created for her. She had been old enough to always remember the change that had come in her life. And she had been young enough to still need her parents a lot. “Now you do have someone to take care of you,” he repeated, “You know that, don’t you?”

He really wanted to gather her in his arms and give her a tight hug. But more than her feeling offended, he wasn’t sure of what effect her physical proximity will have on him. So, he hesitated. But Rupali was overwhelmed. She suddenly leaned on him and then hugged him. There was no question of not hugging her back. He did. And he patted her to comfort her. She sobbed. She was like a lost, crying child, looking frantically for her missing parents. Oh Rupali! Could nobody heal her pain? At that moment, what he felt for her was almost paternal care.

“Calm down, Rupali,” he said after a while. If she cried so much, her fever would get worse, “Everything is all right. You are not alone. You are not a burden on anyone. Come on, now.”

She withdrew slowly. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled and again wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“Sorry for what?”

“My breakdown. I got carried away.”

“Don’t be an idiot. I think that’s Radha,” the call bell rang just then, “I will get the door. I am going to tell her what to cook. And you must eat whatever she brings. Okay?” He was back in parenting mode.

She gave a small smile and nodded.

Paritosh was tempted to stay with her for the night. To make sure that her fever did not get worse. But he didn’t. There was an unspoken contract. A bit of it was already broken that day. He couldn’t risk more.

He was surprised to see her at the breakfast table the next morning.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he was alarmed.

“Waiting for you on the breakfast table,” she replied cheerfully.

“You should be taking rest.”

“I am fine. I really am. You have a thermometer here? You can check?”

He just went to her and touched her forehead. It seemed fine. He sighed in relief.

“You will be the death of me, Rupali, if you behave like that.”

“Sorry. I was just… I wanted to see you,” she replied with an embarrassed shrug.

The overwhelmed lover could no longer hide behind the strict guardian now. He smiled warmly and replied in a low, throaty voice, “Me too.”

That restored her cheerful mood.

“Can I ask you for something?” she asked sheepishly as they were having breakfast.

“As long as you don’t evict me from this house,” he joked and chuckled.

“I am serious, Dr. Khanna. Please.”

He also became serious and said affectionately, “You don’t need permission to ask me for something. Just shoot. Whatever is mine is yours. You don’t even need to ask me…”

“Can you take a day off today?” she said hurriedly as if she had to say it out quickly. If she slowed down, she won’t be able to speak at all.

“What happened?” her request worried him, “Is there a problem?”

“No. No,” she assured him hastily, “I have a day off today. I… I wanted to spend some time with you… Talk to you…”

His frown disappeared and he smiled fondly, “Let me check if there is anything urgent. If not, I am all yours Dr. Banerjee.”

She grinned.

To be continued

Destined (Part 26)

Posted 9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali bore Radha’s anxious inquiries after her well-being gracefully. She didn’t know who had informed her. Paritosh or Moitras. She hadn’t remembered to.

“Poor you,” she patted Rupali’s head, “And his unfortunate parents. Why has the boy turned out like that? But there always were signs…”

“Radha. Please,” she pleaded, “There is no point talking about it.”

“Of course. I am sorry. You must be tired. Shall I get you dinner?”

“I had it at Dr. Khanna’s place. I will just take a bath and sleep.”

“I will get the hot water.”

By now she was so exhausted that all her confusions and anxiety could not keep her awake. She fell asleep immediately after hitting the bed.

She woke up at five in the morning. It was slow and natural awakening. Not like the nightmare-induced ones she often had in past. She had been asleep by 8.30 last evening. She felt energized and fresh. She got down from the bed and opened one of the large, colonial windows of her house. The hot, humidity of Kolkata weather had not yet dawned. The air was cool and she could feel it on her face. Then she thought about Paritosh. About their conversation last night. If someone had ever received unconditional love in this world, she had. The last night was an undeniable proof. Accepting what he had offered might be selfish on her part. But he wanted it too. And if it wasn’t right for future, she could still take the risk for the present. She was a fighter, wasn’t she? She had survived the death of her parents, the atrocities of Rohan… Couldn’t she survive and make the best out of love? Couldn’t she try to make it right for the future as well? Why be afraid? What was there to be afraid now? And she smiled. A smile free of any pain behind it!

Paritosh was about to start his breakfast, when Rupali walked in.

“Hi,” he greeted her anxiously.

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna. I thought I could have breakfast here.”

“Sure,” he beamed, “Sit down. There are cereals. Do you want some eggs?”

“I will ask the housekeeper to make some half-fry. Do you want some too?”

“No. I will skip eggs. Thanks.”

“I love half-fry. But for some reason Radha doesn’t make them very well,” Rupali said after she had been served eggs, “She didn’t used to cook much at Kaku’s place. There was another cook.”

“How are these?”

“Very nice. Just the way I like them.”

“Great.”

“You aren’t talking at all,” she complained sweetly after a while.

“For a change, I am enjoying you talking.”

She blushed and smiled.

It had been a month since their heart-to-heart. Rupali was happy like never before and Paritosh indulged her like he had done no one before. They would have most of their meals outside the hospital together. Either at his house or in a restaurant. It came to a point that Radha had nothing to do at home during day time. It was, therefore, decided that she would stay at Rupali’s place only at night. She would go back to Moitras’ house during the day. “It will ensure that she doesn’t have to stay alone all day, Kakima. I am away on duty and the poor woman is all alone in this house,” she had explained. Damyanti and Sabyasachi had not objected, inwardly happy that she was getting closer to Dr. Khanna.

Rupali and Paritosh were following an unspoken convention though. She wouldn’t stay at his place at night. He used to drop her himself. When that was not possible, an household staff would drop her in the other car.

Paritosh had stayed true to his promise of not touching her. Quite literally. And it didn’t seem to make him feel wretched. The one who did feel wretched was Rupali. Her body’s limitations did not make her immune to emotional needs. She wanted him. And she couldn’t have him. Because of herself. Whenever her train of thoughts went down in this direction, she would suddenly be roused by Paritosh’ earlier reaction to “her feeling damaged”. He had declared loud and clear that he did not like or believe that. She could not go the route of self-pity. But what they had was inadequate. Partiosh might be happy with that. But she wanted more. Couldn’t she heal herself? Just enough to be with him. How should she do it? And how should she tell him?

They decided to stay a while longer at the orphanage. They would spend some more time with kids. They took a break after the kids got busy playing with each other in the playground. Despite the pressure to accommodate more children, the orphanage had not given up on its decently sized playground, Paritosh informed Rupali. “And thank God for that. Children need open spaces, playground, fresh air and exercise,” he added.

“The living quarters are over-crowded, though. Children adopt to a lot of things. But they deserve some more space.”

“This is probably one of the best financed places. Still, it is not enough. We have a huge population, Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh smiled at Rupali sadly.

“Yep. And so if there are more needy people, there should be more helpers in the country too.”

“How do you draw more of them out?”

“I have read about fund-raising efforts of non-profits in other countries. US, for example. It isn’t done on an ad-hoc basis there. Hoping for some rich people to take fancy to you. There are professional, well-planned fund-raising efforts. There are professionals who specialize in such efforts. I’m sure we could use some ideas from there.”

“You really want to do something, don’t you?” Paritosh smiled appreciatively.

“Yes,” her voice was suddenly low and embarrassed, “I hadn’t been in their rooms until recently. And when I did, I almost felt guilty about all the space I have to myself. Now, I am not someone who can donate in lacs and crores, but if hundred people like me could donate even 1000 Rs. each per month, that’d be an extra income of 1 lac a month for the place. Could take care of some basic needs for many children. Thousand people like me would make in 10 lacs a month. Many people spend more than that on donating to temples. And if even a small portion of temple-donations by really rich people could be tapped for this, we could definitely acquire more land and secure more living space for them.”

“If you want to do something, and have a plan, I am in it.”

“Really?”

“We have the same motivations, Rupali.”

Rupali gave a hesitant shy smile. They held each other’s gaze for a moment. And Paritosh felt a current that was ‘dangerous’ in his assessment. He was unaware that Rupali had felt the same.

Their moment was disturbed by a sudden downpour. “Oh God! All of a sudden. The kids will fall ill,” Rupali was flustered, especially when she saw that a large number of kids were enjoying the rain instead of running for shelter. “I will get them back,” she said and ran out to the ground.

“Wait Rupali. The staff would be here any moment. You will get wet.”

“I will be fine. You stay here and make sure they don’t run back into the rain.”

The staff usually responsible for overseeing the children during their play time was taking a break because Rupali and Paritosh were there. They came running when they saw the downpour and relieved Rupali. But she was already wet by then.

“You are mad, Rupali,” Paritosh admonished her, “As bad as the kids. What if you fall ill? You don’t even have a change of clothes here. Come now. We have to hurry back.” And after weeks, he touched her, holding her arms to drag her away. She stumbled in surprise and he had to hold her with his other hand too. And he saw her wet face, clattering teeth, trembling lips, her open hair drenched and tangled up! This was the stuff seduction and desire were made of. Paritosh could not look away from her. His hold on her hands tightened until it hurt her and made her come out of her own trance. She winced, very slightly, but enough to jolt Paritosh out. His hard gulp was visible and audible as he let her go, stepped back and looked at the gate of the orphanage building. “Let’s go,” he mumbled and walked off, Rupali following him in a still dazed state.

To be continued

Destined (Part 25)

Posted 8 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“You look tired. You are obviously tired. Want some tea?” Paritosh asked when Rupali went to his room.

“Later Dr. Khanna.”

They went silent for a few moments. Then Paritosh started speaking, “Last night…”

“You talked,” she gave a nervous, half-smile.

“I did… I am too old to play this hide and seek Rupali.”

“And I have been telling you to go away without ever giving a reason. But it’s not like I have tried to go away myself. I forced you into this hide and seek.”

“Do me a favor Rupali. Stop berating yourself for everything. Stop saying things like you are damaged, messed up, or that you forced me for something…”

“But I am… And embarrassing as it is, I am going to tell you all today. I am going to give you the reason why I always ask you to go away. It has nothing to do with my feelings. Because… well… if you have not realized it till now then let me tell you that there is no end to how much I adore you. And not just because you have done me favors. But because of the person you are. The strength of your character, the gentleness of your heart… And all of this probably sounds like a character from Austen’s novels, but it’s just true…”

“Why then, Rupali? Is it me or my feelings that you are not sure of? The entire world seems to see right through them. Since before I have known them myself. Don’t you?”

“Even if that was the case at some point of time, that’s not so now. Not after last night.”

“Then?”

“Feelings are where a relationship begins Dr. Khanna. And then there is a life to be shared…”

“You think we are not compatible?”

She surprised him by suddenly turning away so that her back faced him, “I am just going to say this a doctor-to-doctor. And still I don’t have the heart to see your reaction. So, I am not facing you. Dr. Khanna – emotionally I may heal. In fact, emotionally I may not be that damaged. I had compartmentalized well there. But my body… If you touch me, I will go frigid. That is the only reaction my body knows. I am twenty-three. And I am a doctor. I know a few things about human body… And I know that there are natural desires… And I have never felt them. Never. Not for anybody. Not even for…” she bit her lips. She could not say “you”. “If Rohan was still in my life,” she continued, “It wouldn’t have mattered. He lived in his own delusional, happy world. He would never have noticed. But you… You will notice. You look at my face and you know that I am mad about you talking to Kakima. When I myself may not be sure if I am mad. You hear me talk about my appointment with the psychiatrist and you know that I am lying. You know me Dr. Khanna. And you would know when I… And both of us will be miserable.”

She was terrified after she had spoken. Was it a bad idea? What would he think of her now? Would their camaraderie be destroyed? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Should she just walk out and go home? Would they, then, go back to being the boss and the intern and forget that this ever happened?

The silence had been there barely for half a minute. But Rupali felt like it had been hours. Then he walked around and came to face her.

“Thank you,” he said startling her into looking up at him, “For talking.”

She didn’t know what to say and she felt like she was supposed to say something. “I should leave,” she finally mumbled and looked around distracted as if trying to ensure that she was not leaving anything behind.

“Don’t go away, Rupali. Don’t go away from me, or my life. I promise you, I will not touch you. And I will not let anyone lay a finger on you.”

She stared at him agape.

“I mean,” he closed his eyes trying to go from an emotional to a practical conversation, “If you want to go to your home right now. Or later. That’s fine. I will drop you myself. But don’t go away… not from my life.”

Her eyes dropped to the floor as she spoke, “Either you didn’t understand what I said. Or you are reacting hastily.”

He sighed audibly, “You don’t believe me?” Was it hurt in his voice?

“Dr. Khanna. It’s not like that…”

“I am not blaming you. Can you sit down for a moment?”

She nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed like last night. He also followed the suit.

“I was hasty… Not in my reaction. But in my speaking it out.”

That puzzled her. He paused for a moment before continuing, “You will probably understand me better, if I started by assuring you that I don’t think your problem is trivial. Nor have you been an idiot to make an issue out of it. And trust me. I understand why you didn’t talk about it till now. And how much of an effort it has been for you, even today.” She fought back a drop of tear that threatened to come out of her eyes. It had taken her a lifetime of effort and will power to say what she had just said. “I will be extremely honest with you, I had thought of a thousands of possibilities about what could be bothering you. And if you thought it was too early for you to decide, or that we were not compatible, I wouldn’t have said a single word to convince you otherwise. But among those thousand possibilities, I didn’t think of this bothering you. Why didn’t I think? I don’t know. I just didn’t. Probably there are some pains, some hurt that only you know, not even the person who knows you the best. But as you spoke Rupali, I was not surprised. The life you have had… It had to leave the hurt somewhere.”

“Why would you then…”

“Because you make me happy and hopeful about life. It is as simple as that. I am just grateful to fate that your emotional or mental hurt isn’t beyond healing. And sex… That can be one manifestation of love, but not the only one. Love is about things beyond that… And I haven’t felt that in a long time. What I have today… I don’t want to lose it.”

“Tomorrow might be different. You might find someone.”

“If history is anything to go by, I am not looking. But still, who am I to predict the future, right? If I do find someone in future, for whom I would like to forsake you, then you will be hurt once again. Your faith will be destroyed once again. Do you think you can take the risk with me?”

She was disarmed. And speechless.

“What am I supposed to do?” she mumbled, “This isn’t real. I hadn’t imagined being in a situation like this. Am I schizophrenic or something? Am I am imagining you? This entire thing? I don’t know how to react.”

“Oh, you have handled worse,” Paritosh replied with mock seriousness, “I’m sure you will figure something out.” Then he chuckled.

But Rupali was still lost. “What do I do?”

“Have your dinner here. Then let me drop you home,” Paritosh said seriously, “You won’t have another change of dress with you, right? And you are terribly exhausted. Have a good night’s sleep. That will clear your mind as well. And tomorrow morning, if you still have any objections to what I want, tell me. If not, well… there is nothing extra to do be done. Our life is good. And I would be a very, very happy man. Come now. I’m sure some dinner is ready.”

To be continued