The First Option (Part 6)

Posted 1 CommentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“What’s the matter?” Mukundo asked when they were back at home, “What are you preoccupied with?”

“Nothing.”

“Guddi! No secrets from me, please.”

“I met Ahwaan today.”

“What? Where?” he jumped in surprise.

“While waiting for the car, after the play.”

“And?” he was getting worried.

“He said that you had called him.”

He stayed silent. Did that upset her?

“And that you talked him out of marrying me,” she added.

“What! Piyali…”

“I told him that he was a liar and he should take his dirty tricks elsewhere.”

He sighed, “You trust me, right? I won’t do something like that. Not to you…”

She nodded, “He was obviously bitter that I had moved on and wanted to create doubts in my head. I know that you won’t do that to me Mukundo Babu. You won’t have done that even if you really wanted me. A selfish person like him won’t understand that wanting someone is not the only reason to accept them. I do know, however, that the only reason we are here today is because you care for me infinitely…”

“Wait a minute,” he interrupted, “He was wrong. And so are you.”

She looked up at him questioningly.

“I had called him up. But not before you came here. After that. After you had told me everything. I had called him up in an attempt to persuade him to reconsider your relationship. I did that although I had already proposed to you. So, yes, he was lying and was trying to mess up with you. But I hadn’t called him because I didn’t want you, Piyali.  No. I had called him because I knew that even if you accepted me, you would feel burdened about that decision. Whereas if he came back, you would be happy. I had called him because I cared for you; because I wanted your happiness more than anything else in the world. More than even my own. And I care for you, and want your happiness, because… Because I love you.”

It was her turn to be taken aback. Really? Did he say that?

“You never felt that?” he asked.

“You have loved me ever since I can remember anything, Mukundo Babu. Like a best friend, a mentor, a guardian… Who wouldn’t feel that? Why else did I keep running to you every time I had a problem, or every time I was happy? But I never flattered myself that I was good enough to be your partner…”

“And I never told you how precious you are,” he said as if thinking aloud.

“You treat me preciously, Mukundo Babu. That is not the point. Not at all,” her voice quivered.

“What is the point, then?” he asked sincerely and eagerly.

“You said that the wedding was a formality; that I shouldn’t act like a wife to you, and… it has been,” she averted her eyes and looked down, “five months since our wedding. You haven’t so much as touched me. I don’t blame you, Mukundo Babu. I never fancied…”

Mukundo looked amused and overwhelmed at the same time. Piyali stopped speaking. She felt foolish all of a sudden. Mukundo broke the silence, “Wedding was a formality because all that mattered to me was that you would be in my life. Rituals didn’t matter to me. I don’t remember when I said anything about not acting like a wife. But what I must have meant was that… just be yourself. Nothing needed to change between us. I loved you the way you were. I would always love you that way. But I can’t blame you for not knowing what I felt, Guddi. I wouldn’t have realized myself what you meant to me if Kaka’s job hadn’t taken you away from Kolkata. It has been what… ten years? You were fourteen at that time. I had teased you endlessly before you left that I won’t even bother to remember you. And you were so upset. I didn’t mean that, of course. But I hadn’t known just how much I would miss you either.  I didn’t have any work to do in Mumbai every three months or so. I came to see you. It was like a regular fix I needed…”

Piyali was wide-eyed with the revelations, “You never told me anything. Did you… did you tell Baba?”

“I was twelve when you were born Pihu Rani. I didn’t think it would be acceptable to either you, or Kaka. And you had your own life…”

She flushed, “I… None of it was serious Mukundo Babu. At least not before Ahwaan…”

“Nothing to get defensive about. It was natural. You were exploring your world… I did tell Kaka after the wedding though.”

“Was that why he was in a better mood before leaving?”

“Probably.”

“You could have told me then at least…”

He sighed.

“What is it…” she asked eagerly.

“You wouldn’t have believed me. Whatever little I did say, you thought I said it just to make you feel good. And also… wouldn’t it have made me look like an opportunist? As if I was trying to take advantage of your vulnerable situation… Then I didn’t want to put you under anymore stress. I didn’t want you to feel pressurized to reciprocate my feelings. Everything was so complicated and I was trying to simplify it…”

“Pressurized? You are my hero, Mukundo Babu. You have always been…”

“Not a lover, Piyali…”

“Because I never dared… never dared to think that I could be good enough for you. You were this responsible, wise, nice man… Good at everything. Good with everybody. Even someone as exacting as Baba spoke so highly of you. The couple of women I had seen you with… How many years would it have taken me to be like them. And by then you would have become even better. I didn’t dare, Mukundo Babu. I was just thankful that you had not forgotten me like you had said you would. And that you kept coming to Mumbai and meet us often. I had always been so awed with you that I didn’t even think of looking for someone like you for myself…”

“You had said that…”

“Said what?”

“That you weren’t looking for someone like me for yourself. When you had asked me to talk to Kaka about Ahwaan you had said that he won’t approve of anyone, because he would only want someone like me and you weren’t looking for someone like me.”

“Because,” she smiled through her moist eyes, “Because there is no one like you. There can’t be. It would have been a wild-goose chase to try to find someone like you. I had kept you in my heart as the hero. For real life, I had aimed for much less. I didn’t think you were an option.”

He did not say anything; just smiled.

“I didn’t realize that you were my first and the final and the only option. Do you still love me, Mukundo Babu? Do you want me?”

“What do you think?”

“You do.”

“Yes. I do.” He went forward, held her close and kissed her, gently at first, then probing her mouth for long, leaving her out of breath by the time they separated. “I know it has given wrong signals to you, Piyali. But I will wait for our baby to safely come into the world. This baby is the reason you are in my life finally. It is very precious to me.”

Him saying “our baby” did not escape her notice. Everything was indeed going to be all right.

To be continued

The First Option (Part 5)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

The timing wasn’t great for starting a new job. She would have to take maternity leave within few months. Mukundo suggested that she should look for freelance reporting and writing assignments instead and she did that. She chose to write about the musical and cultural events in the city and Mukundo happily accompanied her to these events.

It had been five months since she had landed back in Kolkata. Her pregnancy was now showing. People around her had been surprised at how quickly it happened. “No wonder,” one house help had teased her, “Mukundo Babu can’t seem to keep his hands off you, Didi. It is Piyali, Pihu Rani all the time.” Some others had secretly whispered to each other speculating that it had happened before the marriage and that’s why they had such a hurried wedding. She bore the teasing with graceful smiles and avoided paying attention to disapproving looks and whispers. Her thoughts were solely occupied with Mukundo. He had tucked her in the bed every night since the wedding, after ensuring that she had her medicines; and had gone on to sleep next to her as if that was the most natural thing to do. Without ever betraying any amorous emotions or intentions.

Piyali was standing outside an auditorium waiting for Mukundo to bring the car form the parking lot. A play had just ended and she was going to write a report on it. She heard a familiar voice calling her. “Piyali!” She turned and froze for a moment on seeing Ahwaan there.

“What are you doing here?” she asked in a steely voice.

“Visiting for some work and you… Oh!” he noticed her round belly, and then the bangles. Especially shakha-pola, something she had told him about. The white and red bangles married Bengali women wore.

“You… are… married?” he didn’t hide his surprise, even shock.

“You have a problem with that?”

“To whom?”

“None of your business. Please leave.”

“Let me guess,” suddenly his voice was bitter, “It’s your infamous Mukundo Babu, isn’t it?”

“So what if it is. Who are you to question me, anyway?”

“It’s my baby.”

“No. It’s not. Don’t ever try to make that claim.”

“Ah! He has smothered you with his love, has he?” he chuckled bitterly, “I knew he had his eyes on you since God knows when. No wondered he called me…”

“Why the hell will he call you?”

“To talk me out of you…”

“What?”

He shrugged with a sinister smile on his face.

To be continued

The First Option (Part 4)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“Mukundo Babu?” Piyali stared at him in disbelief, “Ma had died because of pregnancy?” She had never been told that. She had been told that her mother died soon after her birth because of an infection. She didn’t know that they had known several weeks before her birth that saving her could mean losing her mother. Her mother had not given up on her baby though and convinced even her father to save the baby if it came to choosing between them.

“This isn’t fair, Mukundo,” Mr. Banerjee sounded defeated and weak all of a sudden.

“I had to Kaka. What is unfair is what you want her to do. Marriage is just a social ritual. It doesn’t change who we fundamentally are, and how we feel. Marriage cannot decide whether or not she should love her baby, Kaka. Please. You have always indulged me. I am sorry that for once it went wrong. But I promise that nothing will go wrong from here on. She will be happy, Kaka. And she will have her career.”

“And you?”

“I love her and I will love the baby.”

“Do I have a choice?”

Mukundo stayed silent. That question was not supposed to be answered.

“Fine then,” his voice was tired, “Figure out the wedding date and tell me what you want me to do.” He got up and went to another room to take rest.

Piyali burst into sobs as soon as he left.

“It’s all right,” Mukundo held and consoled her, “Everything is all right. Why are you crying? We knew he wouldn’t take it well, didn’t we? But we convinced him. And don’t worry Pihu Rani. Once the baby comes, he won’t be able to avoid its charms. That’s how we are. We indulge our grand children more than our children.”

“Ma died because of me?” she asked.

“She died because she loved her baby. Just like you do. Did you take your medicines?” he changed the subject.

“No.”

“And you haven’t slept well. Why don’t you eat something, take your medicine, and take some rest?”

“Are you leaving?” she looked scared at the thought.

“You have some work for me?”

“No. No. Just… If Baba asks something, I wouldn’t know what to say. But if you have work to do…”

“I have taken the day off. Don’t worry. I will be in the guest room. Will you make sure that you eat and take your medicines?”

She nodded.

Piyali tip-toed around the house for next few days, trying not to annoy her father in anyway. He had given in to the idea of the marriage, but was not happy with the situation. He would stay on till wedding, but wanted nothing to do with it. Mukundo tried to spend as much time with them as possible to keep things comfortable for Piyali while he also arranged for a simple wedding within a week.

The servants and neighbors didn’t know what the reason was for such a hurried wedding; and such a simple one too. Some were even surprised at the alliance, but others were not. “They have both become socialists,” Mr. Banerjee explained to the more curious ones, who wondered about a simple Arya Samaj wedding for two people coming from well-to-do family. He even managed to smile. But after the guests left, he announced his departure too.

“Already Kaka?” Mukundo tried to stop him, “You should…”

“’Land papers are signed’, Mukundo. I have a job to do there. I have barely managed for last ten days. And I think you know what you have gotten into…” He paused and his detached tone changed to that of genuine gratefulness when he spoke next, “Thank you. Thank you, son. You have saved my spoiled daughter’s life…”

“Kaka. There is something I haven’t told her. Not yet, but I must tell you…”

“Baba!” Mukundo had sent Piyali back to her room after guests departed to take rest. She sprang out of the bed when she saw her father there.

“I must leave now, Piya,” he said. Piyali noticed that he no longer sounded belligerent and was relieved about that.

“Why so soon, Baba?”

“I didn’t come here expecting to spend even this much time. My work is suffering. You are in good hands anyway,” he smiled slightly, “Keep him happy, Piya. Don’t let him regret this decision. There is nothing else I have to say.”

Her eyes became moist as she nodded.

Mukundo came to the room and said, “The car is ready, Kaka. I will drop you to airport.”

“No,” he insisted, “You stay with her, here. Driver will drop me.”

“So,” Mukundo turned towards Piyali after they had seen her father off and asked with a smile, “You want to stay here, or go to… the other home?”

“What… whatever you say, Mukundo Babu,” she replied nervously.

“Since when did you start stuttering with me, Pihu Rani? Is something bothering you?” he asked softly.

She shook her head and tried to smile.

“If you are nervous,” he said, “It’s okay. There have been a lot of upheavals in your life in a short time and then this marriage… It will take time to get adjusted to things. You should just know that there is nothing to be afraid of. I am there. And now, even Kaka is not angry.”

“You are a magician, aren’t you?”

“I wish! I would have waved my magic wand then, and rid you of all your anxieties, and bring a smile back to you lips.”

“I am fine, Mukundo Babu. Don’t worry so much about me that… Have you eaten?” she suddenly remembered to ask.

“I will.”

“Oh God!”

He had come to her room before the wedding rituals were to begin.  It was scheduled for the late morning, but even that would have been too late.

“Here. Eat this,” he had also brought food for her, “You need to take your medicines…”

“But Promila Kaki has asked me to not eat until…”

“Which is why I have sneaked in here secretly like a teenager. The wedding, the rituals are a social formality Piyali,” he hadn’t noticed that she was startled when he said that, “We can’t compromise yours and baby’s health for that. Now please, eat it before anyone comes.”

But he hadn’t eaten anything himself yet.

“I will ask Promila Kaki to bring lunch…”

“Uh oh! Don’t go all being a wife on me Pihu Rani. That will be awkward. Go to your room, change into something comfortable. I will get lunch for both of us there and after that we will go to my house. Okay?”

She nodded wondering how exactly he would like her to behave with him. She couldn’t continue acting like a petulant child, could she?

That night he had given her the medicines and tucked her in bed. It was nothing like a wedding night. She could not ask him the questions that occupied her mind. If their physical relationship had to progress, now was the time. When pregnancy advanced, it will be awkward. But he wasn’t even alluding to it? What did he expect from this marriage? Would he just keep protecting her and expect nothing else? Or was it the consciousness that she was carrying another man’s child? He had said that she shouldn’t think like that. But if, as a man, he felt repulsed by that, she couldn’t blame him, could she?

To be continued

The First Option (Part 3)

Posted 1 CommentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“You are one confounding person, Mukundo,” Debendra Banerjee was not happy about having to fly from Mumbai after Mukundo’s call, “What’s wrong with the government? What laws have changed in this godforsaken state that we have to sign land papers again?”

Mukundo had made a silly excuse to bring Piyali’s father to Kolkata quickly. They couldn’t talk about this on phone and after visiting the gynecologist, flying back to Mumbai with Piyali was ruled out. She needed stability and rest.

Mukundo did not look as agitated as Piyali, but he was equally nervous about it. And Piyali had insisted that her father must be told the reason for this proposal.

“But it’s not the reason, Piyali. I’d have married you even otherwise, if you had let me,” he had tried to convince her.

“You would have, but I wouldn’t have inflicted this on you if I could manage. And the baby will come when it has to, Mukundo Babu. It would be obvious why we hurried for the wedding. And then… Baba might think you to be responsible. I can’t possibly have him suspect you of something…” Piyali was ruthless with herself.

So, they had taken up the job of breaking multiple pieces of news to Debendra Banerjee and they had no clue how he would react to either of them. He was never happy with Ahwaan anyway. The idea of his daughter marrying some Ahwaan Sharma didn’t make sense to him.  Mukundo had to intervene in one of his trip to Mumbai.

“He is also a Brahmin, Kaka,” Mukundo had argued.

“But what culture! He is boisterous like… like some drunken Punjabis.”

“Seriously Kaka? Such stereotypes?”

“I am not stereotyping. He is not a Punjabi. He just happens to fit that stereotype perfectly.”

“You are not being fair. I was also here for dinner last night. He is a lively, spirited boy. Just like Piyali. You just don’t want it; so you are inventing issues, when there are none.”

Mr. Banerjee had sighed. He was of a generation that struggled between sticking to its roots and becoming liberal. Piyali had the most liberal upbringing, yet the idea of a son-in-law from another community terrified him deep down.

He had given in after Mukundo repeatedly assured him.  It was just a few months ago.

And today Mukundo was again standing in front of him. With similar, yet much harder mission.

“Mukundo?”

Mr. Banerjee’s voice brought Mukundo out of his reverie. He looked at Piyali who was a bundle of nervousness. That couldn’t be good for her. They had to get it over with quickly.

“Kaka. It isn’t about the land. I am sorry, I had to lie. It is about Piyali.”

“What! What about Piyali?” he asked worriedly and looked anxiously at Mukundo and Piyali.

“Piyali and Ahwaan have broken up.”

“Huh?”

“They won’t be getting married.”

“Why? After all the drama?”

“That isn’t important Kaka. It just didn’t work out.”

Mr. Banerjee looked at his daughter, unable to fathom the reason for her nervousness. She didn’t think he would be unhappy at the news, did she?

“And she couldn’t have told that to me Mumbai? You had to make me fly in such hurry for this?”

“No. There is something else…” Mukundo added and gulped hard.

“Don’t test my patience Mukundo. What are you up to? What is this girl up to? Do I have to give my consent for someone else now?”

“Actually yes, Kaka. But before that…”

“Yes?”

Mukundo looked at Piyali. She came forward and decided to break the news herself. “I am pregnant, Baba.”

For a moment it looked like he didn’t hear her at all. Then he looked up and asked incredulously, “What? What did you say?”

Piyali bit her lips so hard that it almost bled. Both Mukundo and Piyali remained silent in dreaded anticipation of how he would react.

Mr. Banerjee buried his head in his hands and sat completely still.

“Kaka,” Mukundo finally spoke, “It is not a big deal. We know…”

He looked up with murderous eyes, “Not a big deal? My daughter… Debendra Banerjee’s daughter has lost all sense of right and wrong and you are saying it is not a big deal…”

“Kaka. I want to marry her,” Mukundo blurted before his anger grew any further.

“What?”

“You must give your blessings Kaka. I want to marry her.”

“Why?”

“Because I love her.”

“Yes!” his anger was not debilitated, “You love her. You love her way too much. Protecting her for every mistake she makes. Covering for her if she wanted to miss the school, convincing me for that bastard who did this and then ran away, and now this! Marry her so that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for what she has done.”

“That’s not true, Kaka,” Mukundo was hurt. He had never tried to cover for her. “I have supported her only when I have believed she was right. Sometimes things go wrong. And she is taking full responsibility for what has happened…”

“You think the idea had never crossed my mind?” Mr. Banerjee was speaking in calmer, but still angry tone, “The two of you getting married? It would have been my dream. Your father was my best friend and his last wish was to see you settle down. But you would never accept any proposals. And when her turn came, you came marching to me advocating the case of Ahwaan. I agreed and see what has it come to. He gets her pregnant and then runs away. How can I saddle you with this mess now, Mukundo? What will I tell your father in the afterlife? That I could not find a single suitable girl for you and then I used you to clean up my mess. No Mukundo. It was my fault. It has been a fault in my upbringing. If you want to help, just find out about a doctor who can handle an abortion safely…”

“No! No Baba. Please,” Piyali cried out, “The baby is not at fault, Baba. I can’t kill the baby.”

“You should have thought about that before doing this, Piya,” he said in a chilly voice, “Now is not the time to get emotional. You can’t destroy your entire life and career because of this.”

“Kaka,” Mukundo spoke trying to keep his voice as firm and polite as possible, “So many women in the world have babies and still have a good career. Why do you think she can’t do it? The solution is right here, with us…”

“I am not interested in discussing it anymore, Mukundo,” Mr. Banerjee tried to dismiss him.

“How can you kill her baby? You, of all the people, Kaka? Remember the doctor had begged you and Kaki to abort the pregnancy when Piyali was to be born. But Kaki would not hear of it, and despite knowing what that meant, you had given in to her wishes. You never married again, brought her up on your own… How can you be so cruel to her and her baby now?” Mukundo’s words stunned both Mr. Banerjee and Piyali.

To be continued

The First Option (Part 2)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“Only if you want Piyali,” he gulped hard before continuing, nervousness and anxiety getting the better of him, “you could marry me.”

“What?” It was her turn to jerk back in surprise.

“If. You. Want.” he repeated, keenly gauging her reaction.

“To what extent would you go to set things right for me, Mukundo Babu? You would destroy your life, your future? Asking you to adopt the baby was crazy enough. Now the idea of marrying me… You don’t have to do that, Mukundo Babu,” she smiled sadly.

“No. I don’t have to. The only reason I would do it is because I want to.”

“You want to marry an idiotic girl, who stands nowhere in comparison to you, who is carrying another man’s child and is stupid enough to not want to abort it while there is still time?”

“Another man’s child,” Mukundo mumbled, “If you intend to bring this baby into the world Piyali, you better not think of it as that man’s child, but yours. That is how I think of it. Else I wouldn’t care and I would give you the exact same advice, which ‘that man’ gave you.”

Her eyes filled with tears again. He had that incredible ability of putting things in the right perspective. How useful, and how soothing, it had been to her always. And today was no exception.

“You are right, as usual, Mukundo Babu,” she said, “Aren’t you going to scold me for… for creating this mess?”

“You have already beaten yourself up more than you should. Apart from being careless, you haven’t committed any crime, Shona. You are an adult.” She chuckled at that. Probably first of what could be called a laugh or a smile on her face since she had landed, even if it was only a sad excuse of either. “And if you accept what I have said,” he added, “then you should know this. I am no virgin myself.”

She turned red. It’s not like she had not discussed everything under the sun with him at some point of time or the other. When she had to convince her father and him that her illness was not just an excuse for not wanting to go to school, she would even tell him about her periods. She had talked to him about her boyfriends and about his fleeting relationships.

Still given the current situation, she felt shyness – or probably shame – washing over her at every little exchange they were having.

“No. I am not so naïve to assume that, Mukundo Babu. But this idea… You deserve better…”

“Piyali. There are a lot of things I could say. But I don’t know if I would say them right. Let me just assure you that you will not regret it if you accepted this marriage. And if you are worried for me, then no. I won’t regret it either. Take my words for it.”

She looked down as if not trusting her eyes with conveying the right emotions.

“And Piyali. It’s not like I am saying this is the only option. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you. If you want me to adopt, if you want to tell Kaka, or whatever else… I will support you. Think of me, my proposal as just another option you have.”

‘Just another option,’ she noticed the phrase. This humility in this situation. It wasn’t without reason that he was the epitome of the perfect man for her. “I know you will support me, Mukundo Babu. That’s why I have come here,” she started choking again and decided not to speak more.

“You did the right thing. Just think it through at leisure. Do you want to go to your home, now? Shall I drop you?”

“Just send the driver.”

“Why?”

“It’s… Will you come over in the evening? I am so tired right now.”

“I will. Make sure you have your lunch and…”

“And?”

“Have you seen a gynecologist yet?”

She bit her lips, “Only once. When I became suspicious….”

“We can’t be careless. I will find out who is a good one. Go now. Eat and take rest. Okay?”

She nodded. ‘We can’t be careless,’ his casual remark kept repeating itself in her mind as she was driven to her home, as she ate her lunch under the watchful eyes of Promila, the fussing housekeeper whose enthusiasm it was difficult to keep at bay, and as she drifted off to sleep in her childhood bed. He had already made it his responsibility as well!

There was only one question to be asked now.

“Don’t you have anyone in your life still, Mukundo Babu, about whom you are serious?” she asked in the evening as she nibbled on the biscuits Promila had given to them with tea. He had come while she was still sleeping and had not let Promila wake her up even though she didn’t like the idea of anyone sleeping at dusk.

“No one. And there isn’t going to be anyone, rest assured.”

“And Baba… I don’t know what he will say.”

“Even I don’t know. But I will figure that out. If I could convince him for Ahwaan… I would probably be able to convince him for myself,” he chuckled, then turned serious, “But what do you want, Piyali?”

“Who has ever had a better advice for me than you, Mukundo Babu?” she replied with downcast eyes, “I can only pray that you do not regret it.” Tears threatened her eyes again.

“Is that a yes?”

She nodded.

“Then I promise I won’t let myself regret this ever. And I will try the same for you.”

Piyali continued looking down as she nodded. Tears were flowing out again and the drops were falling on her lap. He noticed that. He got up and sat down beside her. He cupped her face and made her look up. “Not like this Piyali. Not like a loser crying. You are a brave girl; you have taken a brave decision. It isn’t something to feel guilty, or ashamed about. It is a happy day. Yeah? Please smile. Don’t cry. You know how I hate seeing you cry. You know that, don’t you?”

She nodded and leaned on him. He patted her head. He still had to talk to her father. He didn’t know how he would do it. But one problem at a time. First thing, he had to take her to the gynecologist next morning.

To be continued

The First Option (Part 1)

Posted 4 CommentsPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

Mukundo waved the placard he was dramatically holding for her. She looked incredulous for a moment; then almost ran around the railing to reach to him quickly, pushing her baggage trolley with her. He met her mid-way and took the trolley from her.

“You came yourself?” she asked, pushing the trolley away so that it didn’t come between them.

“Well… welcoming you home after like what? Ten years? I could do that much. How was the flight?”

“Fine,” her answer was barely audible as she looked away. She was controlling her emotions with difficulty. What was it? Mukundo got worried.

“What happened, Piyali?” he asked.

Instead of replying she hugged him and started sobbing.

“Hey. Pihu Rani,” he addressed her with one of his several nicknames for her, “What happened? What’s wrong, Shona?”

“Nothing,” she broke the hug and wiped her tears, “I just got overwhelmed. Happy to be back after so long.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded rubbing her face with her hands to wipe off any tears and other signs of crying. It was hardly successful. Her nose, as usual, had swollen and red even with slightest crying. He did not point that out though.

“Let’s go,” he said and pushed the trolley ahead. She followed him.

She was unusually quiet during the ride from the airport, and that raised Mukundo’s suspicion.

“You weren’t just overwhelmed, were you?” he asked.

She looked straight ahead and didn’t reply.

“Is it about Ahwaan?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Troubles between you?”

She nodded again and bit her lips.

“Have you guys… broken up or something?”

She hesitated, but then nodded yet again.

Ah! So that was it. Although it was no happy news, it put Mukundo at ease. It was a solvable issue. Piyali being Piyali, had probably starting thinking this was the end of the world. Like she had thought on discovering that she had missed out on a 2-mark question in board exams. Always hyper, always super sensitive. That was his Piyali. He would know how to cheer her up and help her move on. It was a good thing she was back in Kolkata. In his care.

“Mukundo Babu,” she spoke after another long pause, “Can we go to your home first? I hope you don’t have any guests there?”

“Sure,” he replied immediately. That was a sound suggestion. They needed to have a chat.

“Why did you break up?” he asked straight away. The housekeeper had brought tea for them. He handed a cup to her.

“He couldn’t talk to his parents.”

“Couldn’t?”

“He said they won’t listen to him and he did not want to go against his family. My guess is the he never talked.”

“Didn’t you guys discuss it earlier?”

“We had. At least I thought so… He used to say we’ll cross the bridge when it comes. I assumed he meant that he would talk when time comes. I guess he just meant to…”

She kept the teacup on the table and started crying silently.

“Hey!” He also kept his cup away and went to sit beside her on the sofa. “I know Pihu Rani that it seems like the end of the world, but it isn’t. You will move on. You are back home, you have a job to start… In couple of months it will all go away.”

“It won’t Mukundo Babu.”

“Believe me it will. You always think like this don’t you? At even the slightest of the disappointments. But things have been all right till now. Remember your board exams…”

“I am pregnant,” she blurted.

He jerked back in shock. “What? What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant,” she wouldn’t meet her eyes and he could not figure out if there was any mischief in them.

“If it’s a joke, it’s a bad one!” he said somewhat sternly, although the feeling quickly sank into him that it wasn’t a joke.

She cried silently in reply.

“Damn it, Piyali. How could you… Does Ahwaan know?”

“He does,” she replied through her tears.

“And?”

“He wants me to abort it.”

“And you don’t?”

“I have been an idiot, Mukundo Babu, but what is the baby’s fault?”

Mukundo looked at her disconcerted. What had happened? The spirited girl he had known all these years, too intelligent and too naïve for her age, had suddenly grown up and was sitting in front of him with her head bowed, her eyes tearful, but concern and pride of motherhood in her heart. Should he lament her immaturity that it had come to this? Or should he celebrate her growing up that, however feebly, she was trying to face the music?

“Kaka doesn’t know, I guess?” he asked about her father.

She shook her head, “That’s why I came away to Kolkata.”

“I can try talking to Ahwaan…”

“You have already stuck your neck out once for him, for us, Mukundo Babu. And it’s going to be of no use. He is least interested.”

“What do you want to do, Piyali?”

“I don’t know, Mukundo Babu. I have thought about a thousand things… And yet… One of them is…”

“What?”

“Will you… adopt my baby, Mukundo Babu? You had always said that you’d adopt a baby, if you didn’t get married… I don’t know if you were serious… But if you would then… I can watch it growing before me and be assured that it will get everything it deserves… I am saying bizarre things, am I not? I have just thought to so many things I can no longer figure out what is workable and what is not. I will probably just tell Baba and beg him to let me have the child. It’s not like we don’t have money or anything…”

“So, you have seriously considered giving it up for adoption?”

“No!” she looked panic-stricken, “Not giving up. Just like that for anyone to… That was only if you… Oh God! I am sorry. I am so sorry, Mukundo Babu. All my life I have bugged you with my problems. But this wasn’t something even you would have signed up for. I think I will go home and figure out what to do after my brain is functioning again,” she got up, “Please don’t tell anything to Baba yet, Mukundo Babu. Please! He would be heart-broken; and angry. I don’t even know how he would react…”

“Calm down, Guddi,” he also got up and interrupted her. Quite unconsciously, he used another nickname for her, which only the two of them knew about. He didn’t know how it would sound under the circumstances, and whether his intention would not be completely misconstrued. But if there was a time when it should be said, and he hadn’t thought that any such time would come, it was this, “You have another option.”

“What?” she looked up hopefully. Mukundo was his friend, philosopher and guide, since her childhood. He had a solution for all her problems. Fights with her BFF, preparation for exams, running out of geometry pencils at the last moment, attention from boys in school and college, preparing for debates, adjusting to life in Mumbai, and finally even convincing her Baba about Ahwaan. If someone could bring her out of the soup today too, it would be Mukundo.

To be continued

Soul-mate (Part 9)

Posted 8 CommentsPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“I was out of my mind to have said that,” her self-recrimination was ruthless.

“Forget about it, okay? I am telling you to. Do you understand that?”

She nodded, still not meeting his eyes, and said, “I will go to my room. You must have work to do.”

“Don’t you want to know about the divorce papers?” he was surprised.

She shook her head, “I don’t want to know anything. Do you want me to sign it?” She was guilt-ridden.

“Do you want to sign it?”

“For a moment I had thought that I could give you what you needed in your wife, Mukundo Babu. I don’t want to be presumptuous.”

“What I am interested in knowing is whether you have considered your own options. What I said on your first day here still stands. You are young, intelligent, and beautiful, Piyali. You will have other options. I don’t want to bind you to me. That’s why those divorce papers. They weren’t prepared today. I had then prepared before you started college. So that you could be free. I just could not manage to talk to you about it. And when I did manage to bring it before you, all my plans went haywire. But your choices should not be eliminated because of my weakness.”

“The divorce papers were for my sake?”

He nodded.

“What do you want, Mukundo Babu? Not for me. But for yourself.”

“You first. What do you want? Not for me. But for yourself.”

She could not play this hide and seek any more. If he could lose control over himself like that, forget about his long-prepared divorce papers, kiss her impulsively, follow her to her room and sweep her off her feet with that seductive talk, she couldn’t pretend that she didn’t know what he wanted. She decided to speak out.

“If you had accepted this marriage in the very beginning, Mukundo Babu, I would still have respected you, and worshipped you, for being my savior, for giving me shelter, for feeding me, for restoring my dignity. But I would not have become what I have become now – somebody you could love. Even more importantly, I would not have known what it meant to know a person and slowly, but surely, fall in love with him. A little every day. Reaching a stage where you love him with your heart and soul. A love that doesn’t demand reciprocation. But if reciprocated, it would give you the ultimate nirvana. If unreciprocated, your life would still feel fulfilled.”

Mukundo smiled, an overwhelmed smile, reaching all the way up to his moist eyes. “You would do very well in English literature,” he said. Then he drew her in his arms and kissed her on forehead. She closed her eyes and expected another kiss on her lips. She had been taken by surprise last time. This time, she was ready to reciprocate. But she felt his arms loosening around her. He led her back to the table and picked up the divorce papers.

“I could make it dramatic and tear it with hands. But I think there is a shredder somewhere here. It does a more perfect job. Let’s use it.” They went to the shredder together and he let her feed the papers to it.

“Let’s go,” she said.

“Where to?”

“To your room,” she said in a flat voice, but gulped after that.

He looked at her questioningly.

“I… I want to eliminate any grounds for divorce!”

He was taken aback by her boldness. She was going to be a handful in the days to come. But he was looking forward to it.

“If you talk like that, I may not have patience to go to my bedroom,” he teased her.

“My room is closer,” she replied.

“We are already in a room.”

“What? Here?” she was suddenly nervous.

“Why not?” he gave a meaningful smile, took her to the door, and closed it. He pinned her against the closed door and kissed her. A long, deep, breathtaking kiss. She reciprocated with gusto as she felt his hands undoing the zip of her kurta.

They were lying in his bed later in the day. Piyali was in his arms. He remembered something and suddenly said, “I had never seen you cry earlier.”

The content, happy smile on her face disappeared. “I don’t cry before others.”

He turned on his stomach and propped himself up to look directly in her eyes, “You cry alone?”

“Sometimes.”

“Why Piyali? Why alone?”

“They always wanted me to cry. It was my little rebellion against them. To not cry when they could see.”

“Who?”

“Everyone. My family, neighbors, so called in-laws. Everybody said I should cry when I was widowed. I didn’t even know his name properly. I didn’t feel a thing. How could I cry? They threatened, cajoled, pleaded with me, to cry. For the sake of showing the world that I was a devoted wife,  a girl of character. The more they insisted, the more determined I became to not cry. Not before them. Not when they scolded me, not when they insulted me, not even when they hit me. I did cry. Because they won’t let me have fish. My food would be bland without any onion, garlic or spices. I’d eat so little, I felt weak. Later I had to cook for myself, separate from others. I cried because I had to do all housework and keep myself busy in prayers so that my widowed mind did not get corrupt. I wasn’t allowed to spend time with the girls of my age. They were married, they had kids, I shouldn’t be affected by their marital bliss and learn what it was like to be married. It would give me wrong ideas. I cried because of all this. But not before them.”

He cupped her face. “I’m sorry. Don’t think about them.” That explained why as an eighteen year old did not know anything about sexual relationships. She wasn’t allowed to talk even to her friends. Where else would she have learned about it in that small, isolated village?

“I don’t. It feels like another birth,” she smiled weakly.

“Weren’t you scared when you came here initially?”

“I was,” she said truthfully.

“You cried alone? In your room?”

She nodded looking guilty.

“Why not before me, Piyali? Why did you keep everything inside you? You didn’t think I would hurt you, did you?”

“I… I was just not used to. And then before today… I had never…”

“Never?”

“I have never spoken to my husband, had I? Your life already seemed consumed by worrying about me. I didn’t want to add more to that.”

He smiled. “That’s no longer the case, right? You are speaking to your husband and one who has no grounds to ask for divorce either,” both of them chuckled at the joke. Then he continued seriously, “Promise me you won’t do that from now on. You won’t suffer alone. Ideally, I don’t want you to cry ever, Piyali. But if you are ever upset, or hurt, you must share with me. Okay?”

“Yes,” she replied. Then added after a pause, “And you too.”

That made him laugh. “Yes. Sure.”

“Can I ask you something, Mukundo Babu?”

“Ask away my princess. Satisfy all your curiosities,” he replied playfully.

“Do you still believe in this soul-mate thing?”

His brows knitted for a moment as he thought; then said somberly, “I don’t think I really did. But now I do. I have to.”

– The End –

Soul-mate (Part 8)

Posted 1 CommentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

The door to her room was shut, but unlocked. Usually he would have knocked. But right now, it felt right to just walk in. He pushed the door gently. It did not make any sound. She was standing near the window, looking out into the garden. Her back was towards the door.

“Piyali,” he gently called her name. Even from behind, he could see that she was startled. She would have realized the oddity of him coming in just like that. He saw her hands move to her face. Probably to wipe her tears. Then she turned around and tried to behave like nothing happenede saw her ahnds .

“Yes Mukundo Babu?”

He went close to her. Too close! But she did not move back, although she averted her eyes and looked down. “So, I hear that you are okay with being my wife.”

Gosh! She had never heard him speak in that voice. It was seductive beyond her wildest imagination. She colored and gasped audibly. Her face felt hot.  He held her shoulders. She felt goose bumps rise immediately on her skin and she shivered so hard that even he could feel it.

“Do you know what it means?”

The same voice. She would swoon. She bit her lips hard to keep her senses from failing her.

“Do you know now what is one supposed to do on wedding night?”

She closed her eyes. No romance novel, no erotic scene on TV had made her feel like this. She could give her life for these few moments of ultimate bliss.

“Mukundo Babu, please,” she pleaded against his teasing.

“Answer me. I am damn serious.” His voice wasn’t changing. She would be dead soon at this rate.

She gulped and nodded.

“And how? Through biology lessons?” He was smiling now and there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

But Piyali was hypnotized. “Internet,” she answered truthfully.

He chuckled. For a moment she came out of her trance and got alarmed. Was it all a joke? But his gentle kiss on her forehead swept off all alarm.

And then all of a sudden something happened that had never happened in last four years. She started sobbing. Uncontrollably. She leaned on his chest and cried her heart out. Someone else in his position might have worried. But his training in psychology ensured that he understood the emotional outburst. Although his lover’s heart sank at her miserable crying, he did not show any signs of panic. Instead he tightened his arms around her and supported her. He let her cry. It would be cathartic. It was high time she did it.

“That’s enough,” he said only after she herself had stopped crying. He took her to the bed and gave her some water.

“I am sorry,” she said, her voice hoarse from crying.

“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize, or didn’t acknowledge, all these days how you felt.”

“Don’t. Please don’t,” she hastily stopped him.

“You won’t let me apologize?”

“No. Never. Not even over my dead body. You have given me my life, my dignity, my independence. You can take them away whenever you want.”

He sighed. She had already made it clear. She won’t stop worshipping him. He’d have to live with that. He just pulled her close in a gentle embrace.

They were startled by a knock on the door and separated hastily. It was Sonelal. “Mahendra Babu has come,” he announced.

“Okay. Have him seated in the hall. I will come down in a minute,” Mukundo told him. He turned to Piyali after Sonelal left, “Are you okay?”

She nodded, wiping the last drop of her tears.

“It won’t take me long. It is just some university administrative matters that he wants to discuss.”

“I will also come and say hello to him.”

“Okay.”

Piyali had said that she would be in the library while leaving Mukundo and Mahendra. Mukundo entered the library to the sight of a horrified Piyali. In a moment he realized what had happened. She had laid her hands on the papers he had brought to the library earlier. The divorce papers!

The papers slipped from her hands as she noticed him. She looked utterly confused and miserable and… even scared. Damn it! Mukundo had forgotten all about the papers in the heady events of the day. He should have hidden them away.

But… he checked himself. Should he have? What had happened was not planned. It was not necessarily right. She still didn’t know that she had an option. She should know, shouldn’t she?

“You want to divorce me?” she asked uncertainly before he could say anything.

“Listen to me, Piyali.”

“I… I should have known. What was I thinking?” she started blabbering to herself as she arranged the papers back. Then she made to go towards the door. “But when was I thinking anything. I was thinking nothing. Why did you…”

“Piyali,” he held her hands as she passed by him and stopped her.

“Why did you give me hope?” she asked. Her face was deadly pale and containing her emotions took so much effort on her part that she was physically tired and panting. “I may not have had much in life. But even I am not immune to dreaming, hoping and loving. I will sign this, don’t worry, but why did you give me hope?” She was complaining to him. For the first time!

“Let me explain, Piyali. I wasn’t sure about what I was feeling. I still am not. I just thought that because Alka left, I was… It may not be right for you…”

“She left. Yes… And you have needs,” she recalled Alka’s words and spouted them, “And you know what! You could have just told me that. Piyali – I don’t think our relationship has any future. But I have needs. And I need you in my bed. And I would have come. Without hesitating. Because my morals are defined by you, Mukundo Babu. Everything else I have left behind.”

That infuriated Mukundo. “That’s enough, Piyali. Shut up. Don’t speak another word like this,” he hissed as his grip around her wrists tightened.

“Why not?” she was defiant, despite her wrist starting to hurt.

“Because…” he began to give a heated reply, but suddenly stopped. What was happening to him? To them? How could there be so much distrust between them? He suddenly felt very tired. And helpless. His tone change completely. “How could you say that, Piyali? After all these years… do you really think I could do something so abominable to you?” He released her hands.

His sad and disappointed voice brought her back to her senses as well. She realized the enormity of what she had said.  Indeed! How could she have said something like that? To a man who had thought of nothing but her well-being all these years? Regret washed over her face as she stopped meeting his eyes and looked down. “Please forgive me,” she said in a quivering voice, “I don’t know what had come over me. Punish me whichever way you want, but please don’t take what I said to heart.”

When he didn’t reply for a few moments, still hurt by her earlier accusation, she grew desperate and fell on her knees before him. “Please forgive me,” silent tears started flowing from her eyes.

“What the hell,” he was startled out of his stupor. He stepped back instinctively, “What are you doing, you stupid girl. Get up. For God’s sake, get up.”

“Please forgive me,” she folded her hands and was openly sobbing now. Second time in the day. Second time in all these years.

To be continued

Soul-mate (Part 7)

Posted 1 CommentPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

Did that explain all his peculiarities? Piyali thought later, when she was alone. Despite being this nice, principled, kind and lovable person, whom everyone liked, he was inherently insecure. Because of Aporna’s deceit. Something he had never been able to deal with. When he came to know about it, she was already gone and he could not confront her. To top that, being the thoughtful person he was, he didn’t even want to tell anyone about it. It won’t do to badmouth the dead! There had been no catharsis for his most deep-seated pain.

Knowing this, it wasn’t surprising that he shied away from relationships, especially marriage. He could have claimed that he loved his wife too much to move on. But that would have been a lie, a difficult one to maintain given that all he probably felt for her was hatred. And because he couldn’t express his real insecurities, he disguised his decision behind this façade of waiting for a soul-mate.

It was a hypothesis. A plausible one, she thought, but was it correct? If so, could she do something about it?

What the hell! He woke up and felt strange. Why was he dreaming about her? And in such a fashion? He sat up, switched on the light and took a sip from the water glass. He could no longer ignore it. He had been obsessing over her for a while now. She was now very different from the scared, mousy child widow he had brought home. Eating well and living in comfort had filled her body up at just the right places. She dressed well, had a confident demeanor, sweet temperament and beautiful, lovely face. “I hadn’t thought that I’d be telling you this, when  you had brought her home, Mukundo,” Alka had told him before leaving, “After all, there was no knowing what she’d grow into. She might have proved herself to be uncouth, stupid and unwilling to learn. She might have grown vain or irritable. She might not have had the strength to become what you wanted her to become. But none of that happened. She has grown into exactly the woman you can love.” He jerked himself out of his wayward thoughts. That’s the problem, he decided. Alka has left. My hormones are playing a trick on my mind. He picked out the divorce papers from the drawer of his side-table. No more procrastination. He would do it tomorrow. She must be freed before she fell prey to his weaknesses and her devotion which won’t let her protest.

“What are you reading?” Mukundo found her at the desk in the library and could already guess what she would be reading. But he asked anyway.

“Your manuscript. I hope that’s all right.” It was the manuscript which he was hoping to complete in Uttarpara. His first attempt at writing a fiction. He had thought he’d need to get away from his familiar surroundings to get inspiration. But nothing worked out as planned! His vacation was interrupted. And after coming back, he hadn’t felt motivated to pick that manuscript up again. He had been busy with his academic writing. After Alka left, he felt the need to take up something else. He recalled the neglected manuscript and restarted working on it. Now, it seemed to be heading somewhere.

“Yeah. What do you think?”

“Your observations are… spot on…”

“But?”

“No ‘but’.”

“There was a ‘but’.  I could feel it. Come on. Tell me.”

“Your observations are spot on. But you have put your own words in your character’s mouth.” He had reached near her now. He kept the papers he had brought with him on the desk.

“How so?”

“For example this one. Where Soumitra thinks that his comeback is irrational and stupid, but he has always heard people using that comeback to win arguments. So, he uses it anyway. Soumitra is not capable of such objective observations about his surroundings. It is true that his comeback is irrational and stupid. It is true that he uses it only because he has always heard people use it to win arguments. But he can’t connect the two. He uses that comeback almost mechanically. You know the way you always pick up the water glass from your room, but deposit it in the kitchen sink, mechanically.”

“I do that?”

“Yes. You didn’t even know?”

“No. And you did?”

She nodded. He looked at her with expressions she couldn’t read. Then before she knew what happened, he dug his right hand into the hair at the back of her head, pulled her close and attacked her lips. She was baffled. She couldn’t respond or react. He let go soon and then looked miserable. She progressed in other direction. She grew collected and a slight smile formed on her lips as it started making sense.

“Oh God!” he mumbled, “I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?”

“Look. Don’t be scared. I was… I don’t know… It won’t happen again…”

“Scared? Don’t be an idiot, Mukundo Babu.”

It was Mukundo’s turn to be startled. Idiot? That frankness, and sauciness, was not something he had ever seen in her. She smiled and moved away. He stood rooted to his place for a while, completely stupefied. By his own abrupt behavior, and by her calm reaction to it. Then he rushed after her.

“Wait Piyali.”

She was at the door by then. She stopped immediately and turned. She looked serene, and in control.

“What did you mean?” he asked somewhat foolishly.

“Why were you sorry? I am your wife,” she replied with downcast eyes, but confident voice.

“My wife?”

She shrugged. Wasn’t it obvious?

“And you are okay with that?” he asked finally getting his bearings together.

For the first time she showed any signs of being upset, “You think I am not okay with that? Why?”

“You had no say in our so called marriage. Nobody had asked you. And I can’t even be sure if you were old enough to legally say ‘yes’. You were so young. You still are… Do you even know how much older I am… You shouldn’t get carried away just because you are grateful…”

He stopped as he saw her eyes getting moist. He waited for her to recover. She blinked back her tears and broke the silence. “Alka didi had told me that you would never accept me if I kept worshipping you. Your soul-mate has to be an equal, she had said. She was right. She had said that I should be my rational self with you. I can be so Mukundo Babu. But will it stop me from worshipping you? I’m afraid that is not going to happen. Even loving you cannot stop me from worshipping you. Even if that means losing you. Or rather… Never getting you. What do I have which I will lose?” She ran away from there, leaving Mukundo confounded.

Things had indeed changed! She wasn’t the terrified, confused kid he had brought away from her oppressive paternal home. She was a grown up woman, who knew her mind. Better than he did his own. She knew what and whom she wanted. She knew what she could or could not do. She had proved him more than right. She had grown up to be independent. She wouldn’t let anyone walk over her. Not even him. She was confident about whatever she was. Even about her worshipping him. She wouldn’t forsake it even for him! “Even if that means losing you. Or rather… Never getting you.” Those words would remain vivid in his memory for years to come!

To be continued

Soul-mate (Part 6)

Posted 4 CommentsPosted in English, Mukundo-Piyali, Original

“Was he angry?” Alka asked anxiously, when this incident came up in their conversation.

“No. But… You shouldn’t… I mean, needn’t have told him. He was unnecessarily anxious. Why did you do that?”

Alka smiled, “I think for the good of the two of you.”

Piyali frowned and did not reply. Alka spoke again, “Don’t be bothered about me, Piyali. I am leaving Kolkata soon.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t stay anywhere for long. That’s how I am. Somehow, it has been almost six years here. Longer than any other place. It feels unreal. I have an offer from Delhi University…”

“Does he know?” she asked anxiously.

“Not yet. I will tell him.”

“He will… he will be heart-broken. Why are you going?” Between them, this was first open acknowledgement of Alka’s and Mukundo’s relationship.

“Don’t worry…”

“Is it because of me? Did I come between you two?”

“Good you asked, Piyali,” Alka sighed, “The answer is no. You didn’t come between us. Because there was nothing which you could come in between.”

“Let’s not pretend today, Didi,” Piyali said miserably, “This marriage means nothing to him. And I don’t, I can’t expect it to mean anything. I already owe him my life for what he has done for him. I don’t need anything more.”

“Don’t you love him Piyali?”

“Like a devotee loves his God.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

“Most devotees don’t have a problem in getting married to normal mortals despite their love for God. Would you get married to someone else?”

Piyali was startled. An explanation dawned on her. Why hadn’t she thought of it earlier? “Is that your problem? That I am married to him?”

“Would you get married to someone else? That is my question. I don’t have any problems.”

Her voice trembled, “I don’t think so. But if he would let me, I’d go away. Don’t leave him because of me, Didi. If he is unhappy…”

“Piyali! Listen to me very carefully. I know it might be hard to believe. But ours is a relationship of convenience. Even Gods have needs. Physical needs. Your Mukundo Babu has that too. And so do I. We don’t have an emotional connect. We are not lovers and my going away is not going to give him any emotional scars. Do you understand?”

Piyali stared at her in astonishment.

“We’d be miserable if we married,” Alka added in softer tone, “I’m a free bird. I have been in ten cities since I began my career. And he? If he could afford it, he wouldn’t take a single step out of Kolkata. But it doesn’t show any stability on his part. I’d go mad at the kind of things he does. He had sold off a car within two months of buying it because it got a little scratch. Getting it repainted won’t do for him. He would not attend a party given by a colleague because he cracks sexist jokes. How is one to explain it to all the friends and colleagues? And yes. The one time he stepped out of Kolkata, he came back married! To you. I mean, seriously? Is that how people get married? How he reached Darjeeling, you already know. He did that despite knowing that there was blockage and there were no casualties. A year ago, when I had asked him to come there with me, he had refused. I had gone alone.”

Piyali was still silent. It had all been a revelation and difficult to digest. Then a questioned popped up in her mind. “That’s how you think. But what about him?”

“He thinks the same way, Piyali. I you don’t believe me, ask Mahendra.”

Piyali recalled some of Mukundo’s conversations with Mahendra. And it fitted in with what Alka was trying to convince her of.

“Why didn’t he marry, Alka Didi? Surely, he would have found someone with whom…”

“He was married once. You didn’t know?”

“No. To whom?” Piyali was surprised.

“I think her name was Aporna. She died in an accident. It has been a while.”

“Ohh!” Piyali was thoughtful. How come there was nothing in the house that hinted of him being married once? Their marriage was not planned. He couldn’t have removed earlier photos or other artifacts because of that!

“And since then he thinks he’d marry only when he finds his soul-mate. He won’t try to find someone or get married. Apparently we mortals can’t do match-making. I don’t know how that fits in with his usual atheism and rationalism. But that’s how he is.” Piyali also wondered about that. It didn’t fit his beliefs at all.

“Did he love her so much that he could not get married again?” she asked more as a way of carrying on the conversation than out of actual curiosity.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”

“Me?” she was startled, “No. How can I ask?”

“Why not? It’s not like he is going to scold you.”

“No. But…”

“At worst, he would refuse to talk. Are you so egoistic that you can’t tolerate that?”

This made Piyali laugh, “Egoistic? Before him? You couldn’t have thought of a funnier joke, Didi.”

“I have an advice for you,” Alka said sincerely.

“What is it?”

“Listen carefully…”

Mukundo seemed more relaxed than usual after Alka left. At least there were no signs of distress. Given that Alka was right on that count, Piyali decided to put more faith in other things she had suggested. She decided to ask him about Aporna.

“Mukundo Babu?” They were in the library on a Sunday afternoon.

“Yes?” he noticed her nervous countenance. What was up with her?

“Can I ask you something? If you don’t want to answer, just say so. I won’t insist. But don’t be angry.”

“Stop beating around the bush, Piyali. Tell me. What is bothering you?”

“You never told me that you were married once. Your wife… How did she die?”

Mukundo was startled. He kept the book he was holding aside. Piyali wringed her hands nervously, as he appeared lost in thoughts.

“Who told you about her?” he finally asked.

“Nobody told me. Alka Didi had just mentioned it once. If you don’t want to…”

“What do you want to know?”

“I… I don’t know… Actually I was surprised that I never realized this earlier. There are no signs in the house… Did you live elsewhere?”

Mukundo took a deep breath. “No,” he said, “We lived in the same house. Pull up the chair. I will tell you everything.”

The match was arranged by Mukundo’s mother, who died soon after their marriage from her illness. Mukundo and Aporna met each other, like each other well enough and said ‘yes’ to the marriage. Life was good. No major ups, no major downs. The accident happened about three years after  their marriage. A road accident. It killed her. He had not believed the news at first. The accident had happened in an area she had no reason for going. The bodies were badly mutilated. There must have been some mistake. He was expecting her to walk back into the house anytime. But she didn’t walk in. Postmortem and DNA reports confirmed her identity. And then the mystery of her presence there unveiled as police investigated the incident. She was having an affair. With a classmate from college. The neighbors in that area had seen them together for at least two years now. Some even believed them to be married.

It was a double whammy for him. Should he mourn the loss of his wife, or loss of her faithfulness? But there was nothing he could do, except to go on with life. He suppressed the story of her infidelity as much as possible. He didn’t tell any relatives. Despite his best efforts, the information did reach her parents in the course of police investigation. Their situation on learning this was similar to his. They didn’t know what to mourn about.

“Nobody else knows?” she asked gently.

He shook his head.

“Alka Didi?”

He frowned as he replied, “No. Why should she?”

To be continued