Mish' Fiction

“Tum comfortable ho na, Nidhi? Dar to nahin rahi?” Ashutosh asked her. The operation was scheduled for that evening.

Nidhi smiled and shook her head.

“Aur…” Ashutosh hesitated. He wasn’t sure how to bring the matter up with her.

“Aur?”

“Aur Nidhi,” he took a deep breath and decided to talk straight, “Tum ye baat yaad rakhna ki ye opeation sirf ek medical problem ko door karne ka tareeka hai. Iske baad tumhari problem solve ho jayegi. Isse aur kuchh nahin badlega. Isse tum nahin badlogi, Nidhi.”

“Aap kya kah rahe hain, meri samajh mein nahin aa raha hai,” Nidhi didn’t know that Anji had spoken to him. So, she genuinely couldn’t figure out where he was coming from.

“Nidhi,”Ashutosh held her hands and pressed them, “Nidhi. You are a wonderful woman. The most wonderful woman in the world. Aur jo bhi ladka tumhari zindagi mein aayega, woh bahut khushkismat hoga. Tum kabhi bhi ye mat samajhna ki is operation ki wajah se tumhari zindagi ruk gayi hai. Tum… tum meri baat samajh rahi ho na?”

“Ye ek doctor ki rationality bol rahi hai Dr. Ashutosh,” Nidhi was sad, but firm as she replied, “Logon ki khushiyan, unki wishes hamesha itni rational nahin ho sakti. Aur mujhe lagta bhi nahin ki hamein khud ko itna rational banana chahiye, ya doosron se itni rationality expect karni chahiye ki woh hamare aur unke gale ki phaans ban jaye. Main kissi se ye expect nahin karti. Khud se bhi nahin. Kissi aur se bhi nahin. Aapse bhi nahin.”

—

To be continued

“Yeah. Aap log please wait kijiye,” Doctor said as she went inside the room.

All of them stayed silent, absorbed in their own thoughts while the doctor was inside.

“She is all right,” Doctor’s announcement brought them out of their reveries, “Diagnosis ka result aap logon ko pata hi hai. And you know the implications of the operation. Uterus removal ke baad she can’t get pregnant. Lekin agar remove nahin kiya to pain hota rahega. Aur ek saal se zyada operation nahin taal sakte. To aap log uske hisaab se hi decide kar lein.”

Baba, Anji and Shyama – all turned pale and were tongue-tied.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Ashutosh took charge of the situation and addressed Baba after the doctor left, “Baba. Main jaanta hoon ki aap log shocked hain, pareshaan hai. Lekin is waqt sabse zyada vulnerable Nidhi hai. Agar aap log aise pareshaan ho kar uske saamne jayenge to woh phir se ghabra jayegi. Isliye please, aap log aisa mat kijiye. Nidhi ki zindagi se badh kar to kuchh nahin hai. Aur aap logon ko bhi use ye mahsoos karwana hai. Use aisa nahin lagna chahiye ki is problem, ya is operation ki wajah se usmein kissi tarah ki koi kami aa gayi hai. Aisa mental trauma, physical problems se zyada khatarnaak saabit ho sakta hai. Aap samajh rahe hain na ki main kya kah raha hoon?” It was the experienced doctor speaking. Over the years, Ashutosh had consoled, encouraged, pacified and motivated a large number of distressed parents, whose children were under his care. He had summoned all his learnings from those experiences for that little speech of his.

“Tum theek kah rahe ho, Dr. Ashutosh,” Baba agreed, “Bhabhi ji, Anji – hamein bilkul bhi aisi ruansi shakal nahin banani chahiye uske saamne.”

“Ji Baba,” Anji agreed and Shyama also nodded.

“Aap log jaiye. Main…” Ashutosh didn’t know what he was going to do, but he didn’t think he’d be welcomed there any longer, with Baba around…

“Agar tumhare paas samay hai, Dr. Ashutosh, to meri request hai ki tum bhi hamare saath raho. Nidhi ko hi nahin, hum sab logon ko… sahare ki zaroorat hai.”

“Ismein request ki kya baat hai. Main to yahin ruka hua hi hoon. AIIMS ke guest house mein. Aap log chaliye. Main bas do minute mein aata hoon.”

Baba nodded and everyone went inside the room.

Ashtuosh returned soon with a tray in his hand. He had brought tea. Shyama noticed that and stood up with a start. “Aapko ye karne ki kya zaroorat thi, Dr. Ashutosh?” she said and took the tray from him. She motioned Anji, who served the tea to everyone.

“Koi takalluf ki baat nahin hai, Mrs. Solanki. Aap log thake hue the to main chai le aaya. Button daba kar hi to laana tha,” he said with a smile and could not help throwing a knowing glance at Nidhi. Nidhi looked grateful and overwhelmed. He was taking care of her as well as her family. Ashutosh assured her with slight nod and blink. She smiled.

Ashutosh brought up the matter of night-stay after they had finished tea over regular chit-chat. “Baba. Raat mein aap logon ke yahan rukne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Aap log pareshaan aur thake hue lag rahe hain. Mere khayaal se aap ghar chale jaiye.”

“Nahin, Dr. Ashutosh. Hum iske liye hi to aaye hain. Hum yahin rukenge,” Shayama objected.

“Main jaanta hoon. Isliye kah raha hoon ki jab zaroorat nahin hai tab khud ko exert kar ke fayda nahin hai. Abhi aap logon ko yahan rukna padega kuchh din. Operation ke samay sabki zaroorat hogi. Aaj zaroorat nahin hai. Nidhi aaraam se so jayegi yahan. Waise bhi woh ghar se zyada time yahin bitati hai, kyon Nidhi?” he smiled as he threw that question at Nidhi.

“Lekin…”

“Aap log please meri baat maaniye. Nidhi – ghar ki chaabhi kahan hai?”

“Anji. Mere purse ke aage waali pocket mein hai. Nikaal le please. Tu aur Auntie mere bed par so jaana. Baba ke liye hall mein futon hai, jo woh hamesha use karte hain. Aur mere mobile mein Khaana-Khazaana restaurant ka number hai. Woh note kar le. Wahan se dinner ki home-delivery karwa lena,” Nidhi said.

Ashutosh looked at her appreciatively. Despite her own anxieties, she was playing the dutiful host.

Shyama could not help thinking how Ashutosh and Nidhi sounded like a perfect couple – complementing each other. Ashutosh cajoling them to go home for night and Nidhi working out their sleeping and food arrangement.

—

“Bhai Sahab,” Shyama addressed Yograj after they had their dinner, “Bura na maanein to ek baat kahun Nidhi ke baare mein.”

“Zaroor kahiye, Bhabhi ji. Nidhi ke baare mein aap kuchh sochein to ismein bura lagne ki kya baat hogi?”

“Dr. Ashutosh aur Nidhi ke rishte ko lekar jo aapke objections hain, woh jayaz hain. Lekin ye bhi sach hai ki kabhi-kabhi kuchh rishte hamari aam kasautiyon se pare hote hain. Ek saal se zyada ho gaya hai jo woh dono ek doosre se nahin mile hain, hai na Anji?” She looked and Anji for confirmation and continued on getting a nod from her, “Anji ki shaadi mein bhi Dr. Ashutosh nahin aaye the. Aur mera khayaal hai ki aisa unhone Nidhi ko avoid karne ke liye hi kiya tha. Lekin phir bhi aaj jo maine un donon ke beech dekha, mujhe lagta nahin ki woh rishta toot payega.”

“Mummy theek kah rahi hain, Baba,” Anji also spoke, “I am sorry agar aapko mera bolna achchha na laga ho. Lekin main Nidhi ki best friend hoon. Bachpan se jaanti hoon use. Mujhe nahin lagta ki woh Dr. Ashutosh ko bhool payegi. Itne din ho gaye aur woh Lucknow aane ko raazi nahin hoti. Aise kaise kaam chalega, Baba?”

“Aap dono ki baat main samajh raha hoon. Lekin baaki sab concerns ko ek taraf rakh bhi doon main, tab bhi ek baat mere man se nahin jaati. Shaadi zindagi bhar ka saath hota hai, Bhabhi ji. Agar ek arse ke baad, kissi ek ko akela rahna pade, to woh bahut mushkil hota hai. Aur agar do logon mein umra ka itna faasla ho to iski possibility badh jaati hai ki unmein se ek ko kai saalon tak…”

“Bura mat maaniyega, Bhai Sahab. Lekin mujhe lagta hai ki kiska saath kitne dinon ka hai, ye oopar waale ke haath mein hai. Agar umra se iska faisla hota to kya Bhabhi ji aapki itni jaldi chhod kar jaati? Aur iske baawzood agar aapko apni zindagi dubara jeena ka mauka mile to kya aap unke alawa kissi aur ko apna jeevan-saathi banana chahenge?”

Yograj sighed. He thought for a while before speaking, “Aap theek kah rahi hain. Maine, shayad, galti kar di hai. Main Nidhi se kal hi baat karoonga. Raksha mein hatya ho gai hai mere haathon. Nidhi kitni dukhi rahi hai Lucknow se aane ke baad se, ye bhi to mujhse chhipa nahin hi hai. Main sochta tha ki nayi jagah par, naye logon ke beech woh aage badh jayegi. Bhool jayegi Dr. Ashutosh ko. Lekin aisa nahin hua. Uske pyaar ko bachpana samajh kar maine theek nahin kiya.”

Shyama and Anji smiled and nodded in agreement.

—

“Thank you,” Nidhi said when Ashutosh came back to her room after getting Baba, Anji and Shyama a taxi for home.

“Ye kis liye?”

“Sabka khayaal rakhne ke liye. Aapko to pata hi hai ki Baba kitna ghabra gaye honge.”

“Haan. Aur us par se tum hosh mein aate hi rone lagi. Bechare ghabrate nahin to aur kya hota?” Ashutosh chided her, as he looked at her charts and reports.

He had expected a rejoinder, but Nidhi fell silent instead. The surprised and worried him. He put the reports back in their place and faced her, “Hey. Nidhi. Kya hua? Main mazaak kar raha tha. Bura maan gayin kya?”

“Nahin,” Nidhi forced a smile on herself, “Mujhe pata hai ki aap mazaak kar rahe the. Khair. Ab aapko bhi aaraam karna chahiye. It has been quite a day.”

“Tum so jao. Main bahar rahunga. Koi zaroorat ho to aawaaz laga dena.”

Nidhi was surprised, “Nurse hai na. Aap kyon rukenge? Aap guest house wapas chale jaiye.”

Ashutosh just smiled, “Main bahar hoon.”

“Rukiye,” Nidhi stopped him, “Bahar to kuchh hai bhi nahin jis par aap let sakein. Aap andar hi rahiye. At least ye sofa hai kamre  mein…”

“Nahin Nidhi…”

“Aapki zidd hai to main aapse zyada ziddi hoon.”

Ashutosh sighed. “Yeah. I know,” he murmured. Then he went to her and helped her ease into the bed. He pulled up her bedcover and tucked her in, like he would do to the kids in the ward. He switched off the lights near her bed. The ones in the corners of the room were still switched on, and he let those be.

As he made his way to the sofa, Nidhi did not let him see that she had tears in her eyes. How considerate and careful he could be! He made everyone comfortable, refused to leave her side, humoured her when she asked him to take the sofa, switched off the lights that would have inconvenienced her, but took care to not let the room get dark – the room that they were sharing! She quietly wiped her tears, as he lied down on the sofa.

—

To be continued

Anji managed to find a flight in two hours and they landed in Delhi before Nidhi woke up.

“Baba!” Nidhi spotted him as soon as she opened her eyes. Anji and Shyama also came to her on finding her awake.

“Nidhi. Beta tum theek to ho na?” Baba was very worried.

Nidhi didn’t reply. She clutched Baba’s hands and started crying.

“Nidhi. Kya hua? Dard ho raha hai? Main doctor ko bulata hoon.”

“Baba. Main bulati hoon. Aap rukiye,” Anji said.

“Nahin Anji. Tum Nidhi ke paas baitho,” Baba insisited. He thought that Nidhi might want to talk to the women.

Shyama and Anji both tried to comfort Nidhi, but she kept crying.

Baba met the nurse on his way to the doctor’s cabin and told her that Nidhi was awake and probably in pain. The nurse rushed to the room. Baba went on to get the doctor.

“Kya baat hai Nidhi? Kuchh bol to… Dard ho raha hai?”Anji tried to comfort her.

“Dr. Ashutosh…” Nidhi murmured.

“Dr. Ashutosh?” Anji was surprised and looked at Shayama. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Why was she looking for Dr. Ashutosh in Delhi? Was she not fully conscious? Was something wrong?

“Dr. Mathew ke kamre mein wait kar rahe hain. Main unhein bula kar laati hoon,” the nurse said surprising them even further.

“Dr. Ashutosh yahan hain?” Anji looked at Nidhi questioningly. Nidhi continued crying and didn’t say anything.

Ashutosh came running and reached there before Baba and doctor did.

“Namaste,” he greeted Shyama; then addressed Anji, “Hello Anji.”

“Hello Dr. Ashutosh. Aap yahan?”

“Ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaya tha.”

“Oh!” Anji recalled that Rangnath had told her about Dr. Ashutosh being  out of station. But she did not know he was in Delhi. And in AIIMS.

“Anji. Hum bahar chal kar Bhai Sahab ko dekhte hain,” Shayama decided to leave Ashutosh and Nidhi alone.

“Nidhi bahut pain mein hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Jab se aankhein kholi hai roye ja rahi hai,” Anji told him before leaving the room.

Ashutosh nodded to acknowledge her worry and waited till they had left. Then he went and sat beside Nidhi on the bed.

He took her hand in his and she clutched it hard, the way she had done with Baba and Anji earlier. He had guessed that it wasn’t the pain that was bothering her.

“Dar lag raha hai?” he asked softly.

She nodded.

“Ghabrane ki koi baat nahin hai, Nidhi. Tumhein pata hai ki ye theek ho jayega. Aur operation bilkul safe hai.”

Nidhi didn’t share what was really bothering her. But his presence calmed her down.

Shyama stopped him when Baba came back with the doctor.

“Ruk jaiye, Bhai Sahab. Thodee der baad jaate hain.”

“Kyon? Nidhi akeli kyon hai? Use dard ho raha tha.”

“Dr. Ashutosh andar hain,” Anji didn’t beat around the bush.

“Dr. Ashutosh?” Baba was shocked, “Yahan? Kaise?”

“Woh sab baad mein bataungi, Baba. Lekin Nidhi unke liye poochh rahi thi baar baar. I think… we should wait,” Anji knew why Baba was against Nidhi’s and Dr. Ashutosh’ relationship. Like Nidhi, she also acknowledged so far that he meant well. But today the way she had seen Nidhi pine for Ashutosh, she was affected much more by her suffering than by Baba’s good intentions. So, she was unsually sharp while speaking to Baba and stopping him from interfering. Baba noticed that, but did not say anything.

Ashutosh came out soon and was at first unsettled to see Baba. He wasn’t sure how he would react. He greeted him and then explained his presence, “Main yahan ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaya tha. Ittefaaq se Nidhi se mulaaquaat ho gayi aur maine notice kiya ki she was in pain. Isliye checkup ke liye le aaya.”

“Thank you, Dr. Ashutosh. Kahne ko doctor hai, lekin apna khayaal rakhna use aata nahin.”

Ashutosh nodded and said, “Woh theek hai. Dard nahin ho raha use. Bas ghabra gayi thi. Doctor aap please check kar lijiye,“ he addressed the gynaecologist.

—

To be continued

Mathew was unaware of the storm lurking behind their seemingly normal bearings. “Ashutosh. Ye bhi ek reason hai ki mujhe lagta hai tumhein teaching mein aana chahiye. Ye Dr. Nidhi Verma. Kamaal ki training di hai tumne inhein. Waise to khud bhi PG student hi hain, lekin ward mein MBBS interns inse itna darte hain jitna ki mujhse bhi nahin darte. Mazaal hai ki koi paanch minute bhi der se aaye. Ya zara bhi apni duty shirk kare. Aur khud to ye hamesha samay ke pahle hi taiyaar rahti hain. Aur haan – apni in saari aadaton ka credit tumhein deti hain. Kyon Dr. Nidhi?”

Nidhi smiled nervously, “Sir aap bhi… Hello, Dr. Ashutosh. Aap kaise hain?” she kept up the pretence by asking expected question.

“Main theek hoon. Aur aap?” he followed the suit.

She gulped slightly before replying, “I am fine.”

“Dr. Nidhi. Aapse ek favour chahiye tha,” Mathew said.

“Yes Sir?”

“Dr. Ashutosh yahan ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaye hain. Aur mujhe abhi unhein lunch par le jaana hai. Lekin meri ek urgent lunch meeting schedule ho gayi hai. To main ja nahin sakta. Taste of Delhi restaurant mein do logon ke liye table booked hai. Agar aap lunch time par free ho to kya aap Dr. Ashutosh ko host kar sakti hain?”

“Ji?” Nidhi looked at Ashutosh unsurely. But he looked impassive. “Main free hoon,” she said hesitatingly, “In fact post-lunch bhi meri duty nahin hai. To koi problem nahin hogi.”

“That’s great then. Ashutosh. Tumhein ek taxi mili hui hai, right? Aap log use use kar sakte hain.”

“Okay, Dr. Mathew. Waise main aapko ye project reports dene aayi thi,” Nidhi handed him a file.

“Yeah. Thanks. Main ise padh loonga.”

“Chalein, Dr. Ashutosh? Ek baj rahe hain, lunch ka time to ho hi gaya hai.”

“Yeah.”

—

They were quiet during the short drive to the restaurant. They had met after more than year. A lot had been done in between, and very little said. Ashutosh had cast her away from his life. It wasn’t easy to break the ice and the presence of driver made it impossible.

But as soon as they were seated, Ashutosh could not bear the silence any longer. “I am sorry,” he blurted.

“Kis liye?” she tried hard to control it, but her voice quivered.

“Yeah,” he spoke, his guilt apparent, “Bahut saari cheezon ke liye. Jo maine kiya, aur jo main kar raha hoon, sirf isliye ki mujhe nahin pata hai ki what can I do better.”

They were interrupted by the waiter who served them the water and asked them if they wanted to go a-la-carte or for the buffet. Ashutosh looked at Nidhi.

“Buffet,” she told the waiter. That would give them more time to themselves without any interruptions. They served themselves soup and salad and came back to their table.

“Aapne mujhe bataya bhi nahin ki aap yahan aa rahe hain?” Nidhi questioned him.

Ashutosh nodded, but stayed silent.

“Agar main abhi Dr. Mathew ke office mein nahin aati to mujhe pata bhi nahin chalta…”

“Nidhi, please!” Ashutosh pleaded. He had no answers for her.

She stopped talking and started sipping her soup. They went through the motion of having their lunch without talking further.

“Aapke paas abhi time hai?” she finally asked when they came out of the restaurant.

“Haan. Meri flight raat mein hai.”

“Ghar chalenge aap?”

“Ghar?”

“Well – ek bedroom ka chhota sa flat hai…”

“Lagta hai PG students ki salary badh gayi hai,” Ashutosh joked, “Akele flat le kar rah rahi ho?” It was unsual for PG students to stay on their own. Typically they would share accommoation with other students.

“Baba pay par rahe hain iske liye.”

“Hmm.. Chalo phir.”

The little joke about the salary had finally broken the ice. But they stayed silent during the drive because of the driver.

“Mujhse bahut naaraaz ho, Nidhi?” Ashutosh asked her after they reached her home.

“Aapse naraaz ho kar kissi ka kya kar loongi main?” Nidhi replied sadly.

“I want you to move on, Nidhi. I want you to be happy.”

Her eyes grew moist on hearing that.

“Nidhi…”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Duniya mein do log hain jinse main bahut pyaar karti hoon.  Aur itni khushkismat hoon ki woh do log bhi mujhse bahut pyaar karte hain. Hamesha meri bhalai ki sochte hain. Lekin phir bhi – woh dono jo aaj kar rahe hain, use mujhe khushi milne ki jagah sirf pain mil raha hai. Hurt ho rahi hoon main. Unke intention mein to koi burai nahin hai. Main unse shikayat bhi nahin kar sakti. To iska matlab to ye hua na ki mujhme hi kuchh galat hai? Mujhme hi koi kami hai ki mere aas paas itna pyaar hote hue bhi main khush nahin hoon? Bataiye na, Dr. Ashutosh? Kya galat hai mujhme? Baba bhi meri bhalai chahte hain; aap bhi. Lekin phir bhi main khush kyon nahin hoon?” Tears started flowing out of her eyes unhindered.

“Oh God!” Ashutosh shut his eyes in pain. How miserable she was, and how poignantly she had managed to convey it. Then he went to her and pulled her in his arms, “I had no idea… I am ashamed to admit, Nidhi, ki main apne dard mein, apni pareshaaniyon mein itna kho gaya ki kabhi socha hi nahin ki maine tumhein akele chhod diya hai. I am so sorry. I am really sorry, Nidhi. Main bahut sharminda hoon. Main bilkul andha ho gaya tha…”

“Aapne apna phone kyon disconnect karwaya?” Nidhi demanded after they broke the hug.

“Main… Mujhe laga… Ab main kya explain karoon, Nidhi? Obviously main galat tha. Jaise main soch raha tha, woh galat tha…”

“Lekin soch kya rahe the aap? Dr. Rangnath ko promise kar ke bhi aap wedding mein nahin aaye… Phir ghar se bhi gayab the… Aur uske baad…”

“Nidhi. Jis wajah se maine aane ka waada kiya tha, usi wajah se use tod bhi diya. Main taiyaar hua tha wedding mein aane ke liye. Kyonki main tumhein dekhna chahta tha, tumse milna chahta tha. Lekin aakhiri waqt par mujhe realize hua ki jo kuchh main kar raha hoon, usse tumhare Baba ko jo waada kiya tha woh tod raha hoon. Isliye shaadi mein nahin aaya. Phone disconnect karwa diya kyonki mujhe laga ki hamara phone par baatein karna, rather chup rahna, bhi sahi nahin tha. Jab tak tum Lucknow mein thi, utna waqt maine khud ko, hum dono ko diya tha… Lekin uske baad… Main khud par to sakht ho hi raha tha. Lekin maine ye nahin socha ki tum par kitna sakht ho raha tha main.”

“Phone katwa kar aapne mere saath bahut bura kiya, Dr. Ashutosh,” all the annoyance that she had kept buried inside her all these days was coming out now. She hadn’t been able to share it with even Anji or Armaan, “Aapko pata hai main kitna tadpi hoon aapki awaaz ek baar sunne ke liye? Sirf woh ‘hello’ jo aap bolte the. Kabhi-kabhi woh bhi nahin bolte the. Bas phone utha kar apna kaam karte rahte the. Lekin usse mujhe kitna sukoon milta tha. Aap bahut bure hain. Bahut bure hain. Bahut galat kiya aapne mere saath,” Nidhi complained and started crying again.

“Nidhi. Please, please rona band karo. Suno – main abhi tumhare saath chal kar naya connection leta hoon. Pre-paid immediately mil jayega na. Tumhare naam se le lenge. Tumhara to address proof bhi hoga. Abhi chalo…”

“Ye Delhi ka number hoga. Lucknow mein roaming par rahega.”

“To kya hua? Chalega to hai na. Chalo abhi mere saath…”

Nidhi smiled finally, “Uski zaroorat nahin hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Mujhe aap par bharosa hai. Aap Lucknow ja kar naya number le lijiyega. Abhi bas aap baithiye. Jo thoda samay hai, main aapke saath bitaana chahti hoon. Main aapke liye chai laun?”

“Button daba kar?” Ashutosh asked playfully.

“Nahin. Paani electric kettle mein garm kar ke usmein tea-bag daal kar.”

Ashutosh laughed and nodded.

—

To be continued

How could a simple decision about accepting or declining an invitation for a guest lecture be so agonising? But it was so for Ashutosh. The e-mail with the invitation had come from Dr. Mathew, whom he had known for several years. Mathew had recently joined the pediatrics department at AIIMS and wanted Ashutosh to give a lecture in his class. Typically such requests were honoured in the profession. But this was for AIIMS. And it meant…

He re-read the e-mail. It was for the first year students. Nidhi would be in her second year now. He would be able to avoid her, he told himself, and sent his acceptance.

—

“Ashutosh. That was a great lecture. You should be in an insittute like this. Achchhe teachers ki bahut zaroorat hai is profession mein. Being a good teacher, along with being a good doctor is so rare. Students tumhein sach mein sun rahe the, yaar. It was too good,” Ashutosh was in Mathew’s office after delivering the lecture.

“You are going overboard, Mathew. Maine koi aisa aasmaan se taare todne waala kaam nahin kiya hai.”

“Ashutosh. Main din-raat students se deal karta hoon. Trust me I know their reactions. Stop being so humble yaar. Lucknow mein kya kar rahe ho tum? Come to Delhi. AIIMS will more than welcome you.”

“Sab log Delhi hi aa gaye to Lucknow ka kya hoga, Mathew? Main wahin theek hoon.” Lucknow and Baba were connected. Ashutosh could not imagine settling down anywhere other than Lucknow.

“Achchha suno. About the lunch…”

“May I come in, Sir?” someone knocked at the office door interrupting them.

Ashutosh froze on hearing the voice.

“Please come in. Who is this… Oh. Dr. Nidhi Verma. Please come. Are… Main aapko batana kaise bhool gaya, Dr. Nidhi ki Dr. Ashutosh yahan aaye hain? Aap logon ko to introduce karwane ki zaroorat nahin hai.”

Ashutosh and Nidhi stared at each other. Nidhi in surprise, and Ashutosh in embarrassment. He couldn’t have said why he was embarrassed though. Was it for coming to AIIMS, or was it for not informing her?

—

To be continued

Rangnath had invited Ashutosh to his and Anji’s wedding and he had readily agreed surprising everyone. He had never been the one to be seen around in parties or weddings. But since Nidhi had left, he had withdrawn even further. These days it was difficult to draw him out even for any official functions in the hospital.

But on second thoughts, Rangnath realized, it was not so surprising after all. Nidhi was going to attend the wedding. This was the first time she was coming back to Lucknow since her internship had ended. She had refused all earlier requests from Baba, Dadi Bua and Anji. She had secured admission for PG at AIIMS and had stayed on in Delhi. It was finally Anji’s wedding that she could not say no to.

—

“Hello, Dr. Nidhi,” Mallika greeted Nidhi.

“Hello, Dr. Mallika. Kaisi hain aap?”

“Main theek hoon. Aur aap?”

Nidhi just smiled and did not say anything.

“Ashutosh theek nahin hain Nidhi,” Mallika sounded desperate all of a sudden.

“Kya phir se Dr. Hardstone ban gaye hain?” she chuckled sadly.

“Nahin. Unfortunately woh bhi nahin. Pahle kam se kam apne dard ko gusse ki tarah logon par nikaal dete the. Ab woh bhi nahin karte. Children’s ward mein bachchon ke saath jitni der hanste-khelte hain, bas utni der hi lagta hai ki woh ek zinda insaan hain. Uske alaawa zaroori baaton ke alaawa apni zubaan bhi nahin kholte. Aise to maine pahle unhein kabhi nahin dekha. Pahle jab koi cheez chhin jaati thi to woh bitter ho jaate the, obsessed bhi ho jaate the. Unhein woh cheez wapas chahiye hoti thi. Ab to woh Baba ke ghar ke baare mein bhi kabhi baat nahin karte. Dr. Armaan bata rahe the ki…”

“Baba ka ghar? Matlab? Kaun sa ghar?”

“Aapko nahin pata? Ashutosh ke Baba ka ghar jo unke Baba unhein na dekar apne kissi aur rishtedaar ke naam kar gaye the. Shayad apni naatin ke…”

“Unke Baba ki nishaani ek ghar hai?” Nidhi got the shock of her life.

“Haan.”

“Aapko pata hai ki woh ghar kahan hai?”

“Mujhe to nahin pata. Lekin Dr. Armaan ko shayad pata hoga. Unhone hi mujhe bataya tha ki Ashutosh ab uski taraf se bhi udaaseen ho gaye hain…”

“Dr. Armaan hain yahan?”

“Nahin. Woh to abhi Lucknow mein nahin hai.”

“Main unse phone par baat karti hoon. Excuse me, Dr. Mallika.”

Nidhi locked herself in a room and tried to get her thoughts in control.  Was it the same house? She took a deep breath and dialed Armaan’s number. Armaan only had a sketchy idea about the location of the house, but it was enough to confirm her suspicion.

She cried her heart out. Out of remorse. And also out of joy. Remorse because a house that he had pined for was with her all these years. She was the reason of his pain. But she was overjoyed too. Thank God that the house was with her, and not somebody esle. At least there was something she could do for him.

Ashutosh hadn’t come to the wedding yet. Rangnath had told her that he was expected. The house papers were at home. She hadn’t seen any point of taking them to Delhi with her. She never even thought about the house. She hadn’t agreed to sell it simply because there was no pressing reason to sell it. She took one of the cars hired for wedding arrangements, went home and got back with the papers. Ashutosh had still not come.

“Dr. Mallika. Dr. Ashutosh nahin aaye ab tak?”

“Pata nahin Dr. Nidhi. Dr. Rangnath to kah rahe the ki aayenge. Lekin… Phone bhi off hai…”

“Oh!” Was she not going to see him, then?

Anji was mad at her for having disappeared, “Kaisi dost hai tu, Nidhi? Kuchh khayaal bhi hai tujhe meri kya halat ho rahi hai.”

“Sorry Anji. Kuchh zaroori kaam yaad aa gaya tha. Lekin ab tu ghabra mat. Main poori raat tera saath nahin chhodne waali. Jab tak Dr. Rangnath khud mujhe bhaga na dein.”

“Chup kar. Mujhe chidhane se teri galti nahin chhip jayegi. Ab jaldi taiyaar hone mein meri help kar. Ye dekh nail-polish nikal aayi hai. Remover kahan hai?”

“Shaant ho ja, Anji. Main hoon na yahan ab.”

—

Wedding got over at three in the morning. Anji and Rangnath left straight for his house. The arrangements there had been taken care of by the wedding planners and Rangnath’s colleagues from the hospital. Anji understood that with Ashutosh’ absence, Nidhi wasn’t in the most cheerful state. She had still been by her side all night as promised. So, she did not insist when Nidhi excused herself from accompanying her to her new home!

Those who weren’t going with Anji had decided to rest until morning at the wedding venue itself. Nidhi sneaked out of the room she was supposed to be sleeping in and went to the garden. The papers were in her hands. Ashutosh hadn’t turned up at the wedding. His phone was also switched off. What could have happened. Had he fallen sick? But why would his phone be off in that case? He would have informed Rangnath, as a matter of courtesy. Why disappear? If it was to avoid her, why had he accepted to come in the first place?

—

Nidhi looked at her watch. It was five in the morning. Late enough for her to go out. Early enough that the tired wedding attendees would not wake up for at least three to four hours. Before leaving she rummaged through her luggage and took out some CDs.

She drove to his house. Hiraman Kaka opened the door for her and was pleasantly surprised to see her, “Dr. Nidhi. Aap? Aaiye na.”

“Dr. Ashutosh hain?”

“Ashutosh to kal shaam ko shahar se bahar chala gaya. Bataya bhi nahin ki kab lautega. Lekin Armaan abhi wapas aata hoga.”

“Ji. Theek hai. Dr. Armaan se mil kar jaungi.”

“Aaiye please.”

Nidhi exchanged pleasantries with Armaan when he came. Then she finally asked, “Dr. Ashutosh kaise hain?”

Armaan sighed, “Pata nahin. I don’t know, Nidhi. I really don’t.”

“Kya baat hai Dr. Armaan?”

“Pahle bhi kuchh kam complicated nahin tha woh aur us ghar ko lekar uska obsession. Lekin at least ye pata tha ki wohi uska aim hai life mein. Ab to kuchh samajh mein nahin aata. Apne baare mein to kuchh baat hi nahin karta. Itna bhi pooochhoon ki din kaisa raha to baat badal deta hai. Ek baar maine us ghar ki baat chhedi to kahne laga ki nahin chahiye use woh ghar. Agar woh obsessed nahin hai to achchhi baat hai. Lekin aisa lagta hai ki koi aim bhi nahin rah gaya hai uski life mein. Aaj kal to mere jokes par gussata tak nahin hai. Pahle se bhi zyada waqt hospital mein bitata hai. Kya kahoon ki kya baat hai? Aise dekho to kuchh bhi galat nahin hai. Lekin kuchh sahi bhi nahin hai.” Nidhi’s eyes were glued to the floor and she was biting her lips as When he noticed that, he grew apologetic, “I am sorry. Maine aapko pareshaan kar diya.”

“Nahin. Aap sorry kyon bol rahe hain? Aap bas unhein ye packet de dijiyega. Main chalti hoon.”

“Nashta to kar leti…”

“Nahin. Wapas jaana hai. Kissi ko bata kar nahin aayi hoon. Sab jag jayenge to mujhe dhoondhenge…”

“Nidhi,” Armaan spoke again, “Ek aur baat thi.”

“Ji.”

“Mera ye project agle paanch-chah mahinon mein khatm hone waala hai. Uske baad main wapas chala jaunga. Ashutosh aur bhi akela…”

Nidhi looked away, not knowing what to say, but fully understanding the impact of his words.

“Ashutosh naaraaz hoga agar use pata chalega ki maine tumse ye kaha hai. Lekin kya tum apne Baba se baat nahin kar sakti? Koi to tareeka hoga unhein convince karne ka?”

“Mere paas koi plan nahin hai, Dr. Armaan. Lekin itna assure karti hoon ki maine give up nahin kiya hai.”

Nidhi left, but Armaan smiled. There was some hope after all.

—

To be continued

—

To be continued

Mallika was alone in the common room, sipping a cup of tea, when Rangnath walked in.

“Ye kaise ho gaya, Dr. Mallika? Aap akeli baithi hain. Aapke admirers ki queue kahan gayi?” he teased.

“Aapko dekh kar bhaag gayi.”

“Kya baat kar rahi hain? Hamari aisi kismat kahan? Waise akele-akele soch kya rahi hain aap?”

“Agar main kuchh sochne layak soch rahi thi, to aapko lagta hai ki aapko batana achchha idea hai?”

“Yahi to problem hai na, Dr. Mallika. Aap kissi aur ko mauka hi nahin deti.”

“Koi kaise decide karta hai ki kisko mauka dena hai, kisko nahin?”

“Jahan tak muhje maaloon hai, iski koi exact diagnosis to nahin hoti, koi prescription bhi nahin hai. Bas dil ki aawaaz sunni padti hai.”

“Aur agar jiske liye aapka dil aawaaz lagaye, uske dil mein aapke liye koi jagah na ho to?”

“To phir live-happily-every-after ki jagah aapko shaayar banna padta hai. Aapne suna hai – Viyogi hoga pahla kavi, aah se nikla hoga gaan…”

“Suna to nahin tha ab tak, lekin samajh mein aa raha hai.”

“Bas uski hi zaroorat hai. Lekin “tu nahin aur sahi” to suna hoga. Woh bhi achchha jumla hai.”

Mallika laughed. But it was a sad laughter.

Just then Ashutosh and Nidhi walked into the room. Mallika noticed that they sitffened on seeing her there.

“Aao Ashutosh, Dr. Nidhi. Dr. Rangnath mujhe life ki philosophy samjha rahe the. Aap log bhi join kijiye,” Mallika’t tone was genuine, friendly and pleasant. Nidhi and Ashutosh were surprised, and a little suspicious. Was it going to followed by some jab? But Ashutosh smiled sweetly at Mallika and sat down across the sofa.

“Aap chai lenge ya coffee?” Nidhi asked him.

“Coffee. Thanks Nidhi.”

Nidhi went to the dispensing machine to get their drinks.

“Dr. Rangnath ki philosophy to kaafee rangeen hogi, Mallika. Hum log uska kya karenge?”Ashutosh continued the conversation.

“Sir. Kya chauka maara aapne aate hi! Ek hi sentence mein mujhe duniya ka sabse useless insaan saabit kar diya.”

Ashutosh laughed, “Useful aur useless context mein hote hain, Dr. Rangnath. Ab aapka jo charm patients ki beemaari nahin theek kar sakta, woh aapko ek able administrator banne mein help to karta hi hai.”

“Pata nahin aapne ek doctor ki burai ki ya ek administrator ki tareef ki. Lekin chaliye. Main taareef hi maan kar khush ho leta hoon.”

Nidhi’s mobile rang. She disconnected it and gave Ashutosh his coffee, “Main chalti hoon, Sir. Anji mujhe pickup karne aa gayi hai.”

“All right.”

“Good night, Sir. Good night Dr. Mallika, Dr. Rangnath.”

“Main aapko darwaze tak pahuncha kar aata hoon,” Rangnath said eagerly.

“Mujhe? Dr. Rangnath, aap theek to hain? Main is hospital mein almost ek saal se kaam kar rahi hoon.”

“To kya hua? Chivalry naam ki koi cheez hoti hai ki nahin?”

Nidhi, Ashutosh and Mallika looked at each other with knowing smiles. Then Nidhi burst out laughing. “Main samajh gayi, aapki chivalry kiske liye chhalak rahi hai. Chaliye. Lekin kuchh aisa mat kijiyega ki use gussa aa jaye. Main apni evening kharaab nahin karna chahti.”

“Kaise bahki-bahki baatein kar rahi hain aap, Dr. Nidhi. Chaliye to sahi.”

Ashutosh and Mallika laughed out loud after they had left.

“Dr. Rangnath incorrigible hain,” Mallika said.

“I know,” Ashutosh replied and looked at Mallika curiously.

“Kya hua? Aise kya dekh rahe ho?”

“Pata nahin. Kuchh different behave kar rahi ho aaj.”

“Change is the only constant, Ashutosh.”

“Yeah. Aur mujhe ye feel ho raha hai ki it is for good.”

“Shayad.”

“Great. Chalo – main chalta hoon. Kal subah jaldi aana hai. Tum nikal rahi ho?”

“Nahin. Meri night duty hai.”

“Okay. Bye Mallika.”

“Bye Ashutosh.”

—

Ashutosh smiled as he sat in his car. Nidhi had told him about her conversation with Mallika. They had been unable to understand Mallika’s intent behind questioning Nidhi. But now he was hopeful. The mature calmness with which she had behaved in the common room gave him hope. She might just have been happy about Nidhi’s imminent departure from Ashutosh’ life. But Ashutosh had a feeling that it was different. That Mallika was leaving her obsession and self-centred world-view behind. And she was looking at things as they were, not as she wanted them to be. If that was indeed the case, it would save her from further heartaches. Nidhi had finally managed to affect even Mallika positively! If Nidhi were around, he would have liked to pull her in a tight hug. Good that she wasn’t.

—

To be continued

The girl was three-year old, Nidhi was informed. Badly bruised with a limp in her left leg, howling in pain. Nidhi fruitlessly tried to calm her down so that she could administer her a pain killer, and then start a diagnosis.

“Kya hua?” Ashutosh came in along with the nurse who had gone to call him.”

“Buri tarah se injured hai Sir. Pain killer legi tabhi kuchh shaant hogi aur tabhi diagnosis ho payegi. Lekin injection dene hi nahin de rahi hai.”

“Sister. Aap please patient ko hold kijiye. Zabardasti karni pade to koi baat nahin. Injection dena hi hoga.”

“Zabardasti karni zaroori hai kya?” Nidhi’s face contorted as if she could feel the little girl’s pain herself.

“Dr. Nidhi. Bachchi bahut chhoti hai. Ise samjhaana mushkil hai ki iske liye kya achchha hai aur kya bura. Zabardasti nahin ki to aise hi pain mein rahegi. Sister, please hold her. Here. Dr. Nidhi. Injection dijiye please.”

Nidhi obeyed him and administered injection to the girl, whose howling got only worse. But soon the strong pain killer showed its effect and she grew calmer.

“Ab kya karna hai?” Ashutosh wanted Nidhi to take control.

“Bruises par dawaa lagani hai. Pairon mein fracture hai clearly. X-ray karwana padega. Par jaisi condition hai, aur bhi injuries ho sakti hain. To baaki body parts ka bhi check up…”

“Right. Ye sab karwaiye aur accordingly treat kijiye.”

“Orthopedics ki zaroorat hogi…”

“Main phone kar deta hoon. Dr. Dutta honge. Aap unki help le lijiye. Koi complication ho to mujhe bula lijiye. Otherwise jab sab control mein aa jaye to mujhe report kijiye. Main apne office mein hoon.”

“Yes Sir.”

—

Nidhi had reverted to not knocking before entering his office.

“Baitho Nidhi.”

“Pairon mein fracture tha, Sir, aur shoulders mein bhi minor injury thi.”

“Everything in control?”

“Theek ho jayegi. Lekin Dr. Dutta kah rahe the ki agar follow up physiotherapy nahin hui, to life long limp rah jayega pairon mein. Abhi to police layi ise hospital. I doubt ki aage kuchh aur uski family karwa payegi.”

“Ye hua kaise?”

“Ye police ki report hai,” Nidhi handed him a paper, “Uske father ne nashe ki halat mein pahle uski Ma ko peet-peet kar behosh kar diya. Bachchi ki neend khul gayi aur woh dar ke maare rone lagi to use bistar se utha kar neeche patak diya.”

“Itni baar dekha hai aise wahshi logon ko, Nidhi. Lekin ab bhi mushkil hota hai ye manna ki aise log duniya mein ho sakte hain.”

“Pata hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Bachpan mein Baba ko is baat ki bahut chinta hoti thi ki main darpok na rah jaun. To woh mujhe bahut pareshaan karte the. Ek baar swimming pool mein daal diya – floater ke saath, of course –  to ek baar almirah par chadha kar chhod diya. Main chillati rahi, lekin woh meri ek nahin sun rahe the. Ulta Hans rahe the. Ki main Itni darpok kyon hoon. Lekin mujhe koi injection lagna hota to khud rone lagte the, injection lagne ke pahle hi. Ek baar to woh behosh hi ho gaye the…” Nidhi laughed slightly recalling the incident and Ashutosh also joined her.

“Ek taraf aise experiences hain, Nidhi, aur doosri taraf aise cases,” he pointed towards the police report, “Inhein dekh kar mahsoos hota hai na ki tum aur main kitne lucky hain ki hamein apne Baba se itna pyaar mila.”

Nidhi nodded. “Jo log kissi ko itna dard dete hain, mera wash chale to main unka khoon kar doon. Is duniya mein rahne ke layak nahin hain woh.”

“Maanta hoon ki jo kaam iske father ne kiya hai woh bahut ghinona hai. Lekin kissi ki galti ko khud galti kar ke theek to nahin kiya ja sakta na. Zulm ko khatm karne ke liye khud zulm karna to theek nahin hai.”

“To phir zulm khatm kaise ho?”

“Pata nahin,” Ashutosh laughed slightly and turned jocular, “Maine to kabhi zulm kiye nahin.”

“Un sab logon ki aatmaayen, jinhone aapke under kaam kiya hai, aapko jhootha kah kar laanat de rahi hongi abhi.”

Ashutosh laughed, “Lagta hai jo tumhein shuruaat mein thoda bahut daant diya tha maine, uske liye mujhe kabhi maaf nahin karogi.”

“Kabhi bhi nahin,”Nidhi replied playfully.

“Tumhara ilzaam galat hai Nidhi. Zulm to mere oopar hue hain.”

“Aap par kaun se zulm hue hain?”

“Hue hain, kai tareeke ke.”

“Main nahin maanti. Aap par zulm karne ki himmat kiski hai. Aisa koi himmat waala insaan hai to main usse ab tak mili kaise nahin?”

“Roz hi milti ho.”

“Kaun? Main to nahin mili aise kissi insaan se.”

“Kyon? Aaina nahin dekhti tum roz?”

“Ji?”

“Ji.”

“Achchha mazaak hai. Maine kya zulm kiye hain aapke oopar?”

“Yahi kya kam zulm hai ki zulm kiye itni berahmi se aur aur ab itni innocently poochh rahi ho ki kya kiya.”

“Aapne to ghazalein sunni chhod di thi. Ye shayar kaise ban gaye?”

“Ye bhi aapke hi zulmon ka nateeza hai.”

“Dr. Ashutosh.” Nidhi could not hold her cheekiness any longer and turned red.

“Can I let myself go, Nidhi? Bas jo thode din hamare paas bache hain unmein? Kya main tumhein apne man ki sab baatein bata sakta hoon? Jo ki shayad mujhe nahin batani chahiye kyonki is rishte ka, hamari feelings ka future mujhe maaloom hai. Lekin phir bhi…”

“Ek baar zindagi jeene ka haq to sabko hai. Mujhe bhi hai. Aapko bhi. To phir hum ye haq kyon na claim karein?”

Ashutosh smiled at her. A smile mixed with fondness, longing, love, desire and pain. Nidhi could not meet his eyes and lowered hers. A shy smile was playing on her lips.

Just then they heard a knock, and the door opened without waiting for Ashutosh’ permission.

“Ashutosh,” Mallika came in, but froze at her place momentarily, when she saw Nidhi and Ashutosh. She hadn’t give them time to recover from the effect of their conversation. Nidhi was still smiling shyly and Ashutosh still had the lovelorn look in his eyes.

“Did I disturb?” Mallika asked awkwardly, “Kya baatein kar rahe the aap log?” The awkwardness quickly turned to bitterness in her second question.

“Kuchh nahin, Mallika,” Ashutosh replied calmly, “Jo case abhi abhi police le kar aayi hai, Dr. Nidhi usi ki report de rahi thi mujhe. Tum dekhna chahogi?”

“Nahin. Iski koi zaroorat nahin hai. The case is in capable hands.”

“Right.”

Meanwhile Nidhi and Ashutosh had silently communicated that Nidhi should leave.

“Main chalti hoon,” she said, picked up the case files and left.

“So, Mallika. What’s up?”

“What’s up? Iska jawaab to tumhein dena chahiye Ashutosh.”

“Baitho Mallika.”

“Baith kar kya karoongi. Mujhe lagta nahin ki hamare beech kuchh baat karne ko raha hai ab.”

“Kyon?”

“Woh jagah Dr. Nidhi ne jo le li hai.”

“Mallika. Maine tumse kabhi jhooth nahin bola hai is maamle mein. Aaj bhi nahin bolunga. Jo baatein hum pahle kar sakte the, woh aaj bhi kar sakte hain. Aur jo pahle nahin kar sakte the, woh Nidhi meri zindagi mein ho ya nahin, hum nahin kar sakte hain.”

“Matlab Nidhi tumhari zindagi mein hai?”

“Jhooth nahin bolunga Mallika. Mere dil mein woh hai. Lekin meri zindagi mein woh nahin hai, nahin ho sakti, aur nahin hogi.”

“Kya matlab?”

“Let it be Mallika. It’s not easy for me to let her go. But I have to. Ye tumhari wajah se nahin ho raha hai. Lekin agar isse tumhein khushi hoti hai, to achchha hai. Kam-se-kam koi to khush hai.”

“Ho kya raha hai?”

“The expected. Nidhi ki internship khatam ho rahi hai. Ek mahina bacha hai. Uske baad woh yahan nahin rahegi. Tumhein use nahin jhelna padega. Bas ek request hai tumse, is ek mahine mein uske saath koi dushmani mat rakhna. Usne tumhara kuchh nahin bigaada hai. Agar kissi ne tumhara dil toda hai, to woh main hoon. Unfotunately, main uske liye kuchh kar nahin sakta. Jo feelings mere andar nahin hai, woh nahin hain aur aage bhi bhi nahin aayengi. Lekin tum yun samajh lo ki tumhara dil todne ki sazaa mujhe mil rahi hai, kyonki apna dil mujhe apne haathon se todna pad raha hai. Ho sake to mujhe aur sazaa mat dena.”

“Ashutosh!”

“I am sorry Mallika. Main thodi der akela rahna chahta hoon.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. But I need to be alone.”

“Fine then.”

—

To be continued

“Kya main aapse mil sakti hoon?” Nidhi called Ashutosh up.

“Of course. Ismein poochhne ka kya hai, Nidhi. Jaldi se theek ho kar hospital wapas aa jao…”

“Nahin. Mujhe abhi milna hai.”

“Main bhi milna chahta hoon, Nidhi, lekin Baba ko kya bologi? Phone par baat kar sakte hain na…”

“Mere ghar ke paas ek park hai. Main aaj shaam paanch baje wahan evening walk ke liye aaungi. Aapko hospital se jaldi nikalna padega…”

“Theek hai. Main aa jaunga,” Ashutosh himself was eager to meet her. Maintaining a facade of detachment and calm understanding to keep her out of trouble had not been easy. So, despite his uptight morales advising against any kind of deception to Baba, he grabbed the opportunity Nidhi offered.

—

“Hi,” Ashutosh greeted her with a smile and sat down beside her on a bench.

“Aap Baba ka reaction anticipate kar rahe the, aisa laga mujhe. To kya aap bhi unki baat se agree karte hai?”

“Kissi ko samajhna usse agree karna to nahin hota, Nidhi? Main to ab Mallika ke kaam bhi anticipate kar leta hoon, jo woh tumhein pareshaan karne ke liye karti hai.”

She smiled slightly at that. Then returned to her question, “Agar aisa nahin hai to phir aap itne dinon se kyon mujhe…”

“…khud se door kiye hue tha?”

She nodded.

“Nidhi. Kya tum kabhi apne Baba ke khilaaf ja kar khush rah paogi? Apne parivaar se door jaana manzoor hoga tumhein?”

She shook her head. Tears clouded her eyes as she anticipated Ashutosh was spelling out the unsolvable problem.

“To Maine tumhein sahi hi samjha tha Nidhi. Jis dorahe par tum aaj khadi ho, main tumhein wahan nahin laana chahta tha.”

“Lekin main aapke bina bhi nahin rah sakti,” she whined childishly. Was she hoping for miracle?.

“Bilkul rah sakti ho. Aur rahogi,” Ashutosh said, ostensibly with confidence. But a sharp pain in his throat and chest threatened the façade.

Nidhi shook her head vigorously, like a child insistent upon buying a toy he had taken fancy to.

“Nidhi please,” Ashutosh pleaded, “Tumhein kya lagta hai ye sab kahna ya karna mere liye aasaan hai. Jab se main ye faisla lene par majboor ho gaya hoon ki tumhein khud se door karna hai, tab se main ek-ek pal mein jaane kitni mautein mara hoon. Nidhi. Tumhari zindagi mein to Baba hain, tumhari family hai, dost hain. Mere paas? Mere paas tumhare alaawa koi nahin hai. To batao main kya karoon? Kya apni zindagi ka khalipan bharne ke liye tumse ye kahoon ki tum apne Baba ko chhod kar mere paas aa jao? Apni khushiyon ke liye tumhari khushiyon ka gala ghot doon? Tumhare Baba ko ghut-ghut kar marne ke liye chhod doon? Aur maan lo ki main ye sab kar bhi loon, to kya uske baad main khud khush rah paunga? Help me, Nidhi. Don’t make it so difficult for me. Please help me.”

The tirade had its effect. His vulnerability mutated her from a petulant child to a mature woman. “I am sorry. Aap please aise pareshaan mat hoiye. Main bachchon ki tarah zidd kar rahi thi.”

“Nidhi. Mahine bhar ki baat hai. Phir hamare raaste alag hone hi hain. Kya tum mujhse ek waada karogi?”

“Aap Jo kahenge main karoongi.”

Oh yes! Pretend that your life is not going to be turned upside down after this. Both of them had some variation of this thought in their heads, laced with helplessness, and some bitterness too, at the situation. The price you pay for being sensitive and mature!

“To Nidhi mujhse waada karo ki sabse pahle to tum apna khayaal rakhogi. Jo tumne apni health ke saath kiya hai pichhle dinon mein woh dubara nahin hoga.”

Nidhi nodded with a small, apologetic smile.

“Aur waada karo ki apne career par mehnat karogi. Maine pahle bhi tumse kaha hai ki mujhe tumme ek bahut achchi doctor banne ki capability dikhti hai. Aur main tumhein is profession ki peak par dekhna chahta hoon.”

“Main kahan tak pahunch paungi, ye to mujhe nahin pata. Lekin meri koshishon mein koi kami nahin rahegi, ye waada karti hoon.”

“Aur ek aakhiri baat,” Ashutosh said and paused before continuing, “Tum young ho, Nidhi. Tumhari zindagi mein aur log aayenge. Mujhse waada karo ki tum apni zindagi mein aage badhne ki koshish karogi. Meri wajah se  tumhari zindagi rukni nahin chahiye.”

“Don’t be so harsh on me, Dr. Ashutosh,” Nidhi was, at least midly, offended, “Ye waada main nahin kar sakti. Haan. Jis din aap aage badh jayenge, mujhe bata dijiyega. Shayad tab main bhi seekh jaungi ki aisa kaise karte hain. Itna kuchh aaj tak aapse hi to seekha hai.”

“Nidhi…”

“No, Dr. Ashutosh. Please.”

Ashutosh sighed and refrained from insisting further.

“Kuchh meri bhi farmaishein hain, Dr. Ashutosh.”

That made Ashutosh smile, “Bolo.”

“Pahli baat to ye ki…” she gulped before she was able to continue, “mere jaane ke baad…” and then stopped.

“Yeah. Tumhare jaane ke baad… We have to get used to it, Nidhi. Batao.”

“Aap wapas se Dr. Hardstone nahin ban jayenge. Thoda-bahut hansna achchhi baat hoti hai.”

Ashutosh laughed slightly, then became serious, “Mushkil hai. Lekin koshish karoonga.”

“Aur…”

“Aur?”

“Aur jo ek mahina hamare paas hai, who main aise nahin guzaarna chahti. Aise hichakte hue, ek-doosre se bhaagte hue, darte hue. Main khush rahna chahti hoon. Aur iske liye hamein kuchh bhi aisa karne ki zaroorat nahin hai jisse Baba ko taqleef ho, ya kissi aur ko. Bas… aapse dher saari baatein karna chahti hoon. Kya ye ho sakta hai?” She had started out confidently, but became uncertain towards the end, and her voice trailed off. She felt that he would refuse. The feeling turned to certainty, when he did not respond for a while and looked intently at her. “I know…” she spoke again, “It was a bad idea… Sorry… Rahne dijiye… Main… main aapko bilkul bhi pareshaan nahin karoongi…”

“Tum mujhe pareshaan nahin karogi, Nidhi, to Dr. Hardstone na banne ki motivation kahan se aayegi mere paas? Pareshaan to tumhein mujhe karna hi padega. Bas ek shart hai.”

“Kya?” Nidhi beamed,

“Mere liye chai laani padegi.”

Nidhi giggled as she replied, “Button daba kar hi na? Chalega.”

Ashutosh smiled, “Shaam ho rahi hai. Tumhein wapas jaana chahiye. Thandh badh jayegi. See you in the hospital.”

“Main parson wapas aa rahi hoon.”

“Lekin…”

“Not a day more, Dr. Ashutosh.”

—

To be continued