“You are going to UK?” Karishma was panting as she entered Siddharth’s gym in his office. He had just come out of the shower after working out.
“Karishma? What are you doing here?” Siddharth walked towards her looking concerned, “You are not supposed to run around like this yet.”
“Damn it. I took a car. Not a taxi. Why are you going?” she was agitated.
“What do you mean why? To complete the shoot.”
“But I thought you wanted…” she held herself back from the completing the sentence with ‘me to come along’. Instead she said, “I was hoping you would answer me before leaving.”
“Answer?”
“What I had asked on the day I was discharged.”
He didn’t reply immediately and looked at her silently. She felt uncomfortable and fidgeted. “I’m sorry,” she said, “It was probably inappropriate…”
“You were right Karishma,” he interrupted.
Disappointment clouded her face. He couldn’t love her. All the care was about regret and not love. She tried to smile bravely, “Right. I should have known…” That’s why he had not invited her to come to UK.
“You were right,” he repeated, “Everyone wants to spend life with someone who loves them, who can accept them. Despite being a monster, self-centered ego-maniac, I am no different. And thanks to you, I have come to realize that forcing people to be with you is not the same thing as them accepting you out of love. And unlike the middle-class boys who are happy with the middle-class girls whom they can love, even if they don’t love them back, I won’t be satisfied if my partner doesn’t love me back. So, you have to ask yourself Karishma. Will you be able to do more than just feel secure if I said I loved you? Will you be able to go beyond forgiveness and love me? If not…”
“If not?”
“I had promised you on the hospital bed that I’d let you go if you want. But I will go back on that promise. I won’t force myself on you, but I won’t let you go either.”
“You are wicked,” Karishma walked closer to him as she said this with a faint smile on her face.
“What is your answer?” He also took a step towards her. They kept walking towards each other as they talked.
“I had asked the question first. I should get the answer first.”
“That’s not happening.”
“That’s unfair.”
“I am like that. Arrogant, demanding, mean, unfair…”
“Lies. You are like an insecure, little boy.”
“Yes. I am insecure. You have to reply first. Can you love me?”
“I already do, you idiot. I have surprised myself, but I already love you.”
He cupped her face leaned towards her. He stopped when their lips were almost touching and whispered, “I love you.” Then he kissed her furiously leaving her breathless by the time they separated. He led her towards his table and handed her an envelope.
“What is this?”
“Your tickets for UK. Your VISA is still valid.”
“You… you had already booked it?”
“I was planning to ask you at home today. But you panicked…”
Karishma blushed. Then she spoke defiantly to hide her embarrassment, “For someone born and brought up in the film industry, you are too filmy in real life too.”
“What can be done? I fell for a middle-class girl, who knew nothing about film industry and was given to filmy antics. She didn’t realize how ridiculous they were in real life.”
“What filmy antics?”
“Her dialogs, when I asked her to accept me. And then she wrote such filmy stories, I just had to get her into the industry. By my side!”
She blushed again and hid her face in his chest.
“I have to finish a dubbing. Won’t take more than an hour. Can you wait?” he asked.
“I will go home…”
“No. No – I want to take you out today.”
“Where could you possibly go without being mobbed?”
“There are places, which charge not for the food, but privacy. Can you ask Ramesh to book a table for us in my favourite restaurant. He will know.”
“I am hardly dressed to go to such an exclusive place.”
Siddharth laughed, “Standing in a production house’s office, you are worried about a dress. Natasha will find something for you. Dress and whatever you need to be ready. Let me call her.” He picked up his phone, but suddenly changed his mind. “Or let it be. You go home and get ready. I will pick you up from there.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing… Just…”
“Siddharth!”
“Go home Karishma.”
“You have done this before, haven’t you?”
“What?”
“With other women?”
He sighed and smiled sadly, “Have you been spying on me?”
“What rubbish!”
“I am joking. But how did you know?”
“Once you shed your false shell, you are not that difficult to read Siddharth. And I am a writer. I can’t create characters, if I can’t read people.”
“Right!”
“But why does it bother you so much?”
“I just realized that they were… just a company for the evening… just women… they needed to look like my companion… my brand… And that’s what Natasha can create. My brand. You are… Well… You are you… My wife, of course, but not my brand. You need to look like yourself. Not like every other woman Natasha dresses up.”
Karishma almost got tears in her eyes, “You have changed beyond recognition. Or… rather the person behind that shell is nothing like anything one can guess from outside.”
He kissed her forehead. “Go home,” he said with a smile and went out to work on dubbing. Karishma recalled the time when he had forced her to wear a dress Natasha brought and she could not help wondering how things had changed.
—
“Sir, would you like to order something specific? Or should we bring the chef’s menu?” the waitress asked Siddharth at the restaurant.
“Chef’s menu is fine. But no alcohol please,” he replied. The waitress seemed surprised at the request, but she did not say anything.
“You can have your drink,” Karishma told him.
“I drink only when socially required to do so,” he replied.
“Waitress was surprised. So, you used to have it with others you brought here.”
“They weren’t you.”
Karishma smiled. That meant he could be himself, when he was with her. That was a good thing.
“Ramesh had told me that you are not much of a drinker.”
“Yes. I prefer being in control of my mind and body. Alcohol wrecks havoc on both.”
“You sound almost Gandhian, when you say that.”
Siddharth laughed. And he laughed so openly as Karishma had never seen him do.
“Was I that funny?” she asked.
“I found it funny! I have to acquiesce. Gandhi was a wise men. About alcohol at least. But wait. I assumed you do not drink. Do you?”
“No! Last time someone spiked my drink, my life had turned upside down!” she spoke in good humour, but Siddharth became serious.
“I had not spiked your drink that day…”
“I know… And I didn’t talk of it to make you feel bad… I was just joking…”
“I still don’t know who had spiked your drink. The bodyguard never confessed to doing that…”
“Let it go Siddharth. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to fight anyone, to punish people, or to take revenge. It’s just such a waste…”
Siddharth smiled and nodded.
—
He escorted her to her room after returning from the dinner.
“Sleep well, Karishma,” he said and made to go.
She was surprised and a little disappointed. He wasn’t asking her to come to his room. She could not stop herself and called him, “Siddharth!”
“Yeah?”
“I could…” she suddenly fell silent as she realized what the meaning of her proposal would be and felt shy.
“You could?” Siddharth understood what she wanted to say, but played innocent.
“Nothing… I just… I mean… I could shift to… your room…” she finally said it.
Siddharth gave his trademark smirk, went forward and pecked her on the lips. He spoke in a heavy, sensuous voice that gave Karishma goosebumps, “You are still weak Karishma. And for want of a more sophisticated word, I have to say it. I am rather horny! So, no. It’s not a good idea to have you within my reach.”
Karishma gulped hard. His proximity and his words expressing raw desire made her nervous. She stepped back to get some space, but he closed the gap and spoke again, “But three weeks is all you have. You would be better by then. And we will go to UK.”
“For the shoot,” she mumbled.
“Yeah. Sure. Of course. For the shoot,” he replied. His sweet, torturous, suggestive sarcasm was not lost on Karishma. She didn’t say anything. Finally he stepped back and left. She released her breath and realized that she had been holding it for a while.
She slept with a smile on her face that night, repeatedly recalling his words before sleeping and in her dreams.
—
To be continued
