Mish' Fiction

“Mrinal! Is he inside? Alone?” Karishma looked disheveled and was panting when she barged into Mrinal’s office.

“Yes, but there is a meeting starting in five minutes–”

“Please hold it. I must see him now!”

Mrinal didn’t stop her as she made for the door connecting Mrinal’s and Siddhartha’s office.

“Mrinal, we are using the conference room, aren’t we—Karishma?” Siddhartha stood up worried and came around his table to talk to her, “What happened?”

“Did you pay for Kirti’s pre-school?”

His face became somber and he asked in agitation, “How did you– who told you?”

“Did you?”

Apprehension clouded his face, but he replied truthfully, “Yes. I did. But hear me out, Karishma.”

She waited for him to continue. He cleared his throat before speaking again, “I am aware that you do not like being taken for granted. And you have no idea how much I respect that. In all these days, forget about getting anything for you, I haven’t as much as gotten a bar of chocolate for Kirti. Because you haven’t given me that right. I am okay with that. Last few days the more I have thought about it, the more I have regretted doing this pre-school thing without consulting you. But that decision was taken–”

“Before all this.”

“Yes. And I didn’t know my mind back then. I didn’t know that a day will come when it will be possible to discuss this with you, frankly, without awkwardness.”

Tears had started flowing down her eyes and she spoke with difficulty, “Thank you, for explaining all this. But I hadn’t come here to complain.”

“You hadn’t?” he looked lost.

She ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. He stumbled for a moment but then balanced himself against the table behind him and slowly brought his arms around her.

She drew back a little, without breaking the embrace, and said, “I can depend on you. And I want to. If you can wait for the divorce and all the other mess to be sorted out in my life, then yes. I will marry you.”

He smiled broadly in response. His eyes were moist. Then in their most intimate gesture ever, he ran his knuckles over her face, sending shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes savoring the feeling. Then she opened them and looked at him, expecting a kiss. But just then the door flung open.

“Dada! I need to–”

They separated hastily, but it was too late.

“Karishma! Dada! Oh my God– I-” Soumen’s face turned ashen and he ran out as abruptly as he had entered.

“Oh no!” Karishma buried her face in her hands, “This isn’t going to go well.”

“Why? He had to know sooner or later–”

“He had proposed to me again – just before I came here!”

“What? That is–”

“Awkward.”

“Weird. I thought he was over it.”

“I should talk to him, I suppose,” Karishma said, sounding tired.

“No,” Siddhartha objected, “Not you. You have done enough. I will sort this out.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. I promise!” He suddenly noticed the time. “Whatever happened to the meeting I had! Mrinal didn’t remind me.”

“I had asked him to hold it.”

“And he did?”

“Apparently,” Karishma replied sheepishly, “Sorry! This was the only time. I won’t do it again.”

He cupped her face with his hand and said, smiling, “Once in a while, for such pleasant surprises, it wouldn’t hurt.”

She chuckled.

“I think I will have to catch Soumen over lunch,” he said, “Wait for me in the evening?”

She nodded and left.

—

After the meeting, Siddhartha asked Mrinal, “So you let Karishma decide that the meeting should be held off, eh?”

Mrinal replied cautiously, “Did I decide wrong?”

“No. But do you know why?”

“I don’t know. But I can guess.”

“Well, now you know. So that should remove any future awkwardness.”

“I am relieved to finally know so that I don’t have to tip-toe around it. What took so long?”

“Long story. But for now, can you locate my brother for me? It is important that I get hold of him before anybody else knows. And please keep him from barging into my office in future.”

“He barged in on you?”

“Yes!”

“I’m sorry. I would have stopped him, but I was already in the conference room.”

“I understand. Just find him. And…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you buy me a good child seat for the car? Not online. I want it today.”

“Consider it done, Boss.”

—

Siddhartha wrapped up his work by seven. Karishma was in her office, Kirti playing on a playmat by the table. Karishma looked pleased as well as nervous as Siddhartha walked in, closing the door behind him. He pulled the blinds too, although the office was almost empty.

“How was your day?” he asked as he sat down on a chair across the table from her.

“Rather empty. Soumen didn’t show up. I did some paperwork on my own but had to cancel most of the meetings. Did you meet him?”

“Yes. And he is alright. Don’t worry about him.”

“I hope he is still okay with me.”

“He is okay with you, don’t worry. He was angry with me that I didn’t tell him about us and so he ended up making a fool of himself.”

“Oh no! Is he going to avoid me?”

“I have told him that he needn’t. Nobody is judging him. But if he does, it’s not your problem. Just let me know and I will figure out what to do.”

“Looks like none of my problems are my own now,” she smiled indulgently.

“At least not the ones created by me.”

“You have never created any problems for me,” she said in a low voice.

“That shall be addressed in near future,” he replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes, which made her avert her own.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s go for dinner.”

“Where are we going?” she asked anxiously, aware that she was dressed very plainly.

“Nowhere that you need to be so self-conscious. Trust me. Come.”

—

Karishma laughed when she saw the child-seat fitted in the car. Thankfully, Kirti was already used to it from Soumen’s car and happily let herself be strapped into it.

After a drive of about fifteen minutes, Siddhartha entered the parking of a luxurious-looking apartment block. She looked at him questioningly.

“I have an apartment here,” he explained, “I thought Kirti will be sleepy after a while. So it will be easier than a restaurant.”

“You think everything through!” she exclaimed.

“That’s one skill I believe I have,” he said, grinning, as he parked the car.

It was a three-bedroom apartment, much smaller than the house Siddhartha lived in, but spacious and luxurious as an apartment.

“I haven’t rented it out,” he told Karishma, “I keep it for the times when I want to be alone.”

“Your secret cave?” Karishma grinned.

“Unfortunately, it’s not a secret. Soumen and Baba each have a key. Soumen could barge in any time. So, you are safe here, don’t worry.”

She turned somber at the joke, “Secret or not, I’m sure there is nowhere I would be safer than with you.”

He came near her and pressed her hand, “Yes, you are. You are always safe with me. Nobody can violate you or your space. Not your husband, not your family or mine, not even me.”

“Shut up, already. I don’t want to cry now,” she said, her moist eyes threatening to do just that.

He smiled and said, “I will order food. What do you want? Indian, Chinese, Continental?”

“Anything.”

“What cuisine is that?”

She laughed, “Alright. Chinese, then. Some simple veg noodles for Kirti.”

“Coming your way. You are a vegetarian, right?”

“Yes. But you can order whatever you want for yourself.”

He gave her an indulgent smile and dialed a number.

They sat down to eat at a small four-seater dining table after Kirti was fed and put to sleep.

—

To be continued

He came back to the kitchen when Karishma didn’t reappear for half an hour. She was sitting on a chair with Kirti asleep in her lap.

“She was tired. She fell asleep,” she whispered to avoid waking her up, “I should leave now. Could you call me a taxi?”

“Why? Let’s just put her to bed in one of the rooms. Can you lift her without waking her?”

She obliged and followed him. As they came out of kitchen, they ran into Sunidhi.

“Dada. Baba has been looking for you,” she said.

“Can you take Karishma to my bedroom? She will put Kirti to bed there.”

“Wouldn’t one of the ground floor rooms be easier?”

“Too much noise on this floor. Take her there.”

“Okay.”

His bedroom!

After Sunidhi left, Karishma put Kirti gently down on bed and patted her for a while until she was comfortably asleep again. Then she arranged pillows and cushions all around her to prevent the child from falling.

Finally, she stood up and looked around the room. Large, spacious, minimally furnished with solid wood furniture, one wall occupied by a cupboard, another sporting a door of the same wood as the furniture that most likely opened to a bathroom. A floor-to-ceiling glass door opened onto a terrace. She looked at the four-poster bed, then ran her hand over a post.

Could she imagine living here? With Siddhartha?

When she turned towards the door, she found him standing there. Perhaps asking the same question in his head.

She stopped in her tracks. He came in and stood in front of her.

“How do you like it?” he asked, his voice sibilant.

“It’s nice,” she replied, her voice trembling.

“Does it look real, dependable? Can you–”

“Who is Kalindi?” she blurted, and then bit her lips. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean–”

But he interrupted, “My brother is a duffer. But are you jealous?”

She didn’t know where to look. Why had she reacted so foolishly? “I– I didn’t–”

“If you are indeed jealous, that gives me a lot of hope. But I am not going to play games with you, Karishma. You haven’t had a chance to know about everyone in my life yet. Especially outside of family and work. But we can start right away. For some reason everyone in my family has taken it into their heads that I am in love with Kalindi and have been shying from getting married all these years because of her.” She was now looking at him intently. He continued, “That is not the case at all. She is a good friend. We studied together since childhood. But there has never been anything romantic between us. Trust me, there can’t be.”

She smiled and asked, “Why can there not be? She is so beautiful.”

“For one thing, she can’t read five pages of even a romance novel in one go, let alone fifty pages of contracts,” he grinned.

“Come on,” Karishma chuckled.

“But if you really need an airtight proof–”

“I don’t need a proof.”

“You shall have it anyway. There is a reason she isn’t staying in or coming back to India. She is a lesbian. India isn’t a great place to be.”

“Oh!”

“Nobody else here knows, including my family. She is uncomfortable in telling them; so–”

“Nobody would know of it from me.”

“Come. We can take five minutes or so and then we should get back.” He led her to the terrace. They stayed there silently looking out into darkness until he whispered, “Let’s go back.”

“I will also not play games,” she said suddenly, “I confess I was jealous.”

He gave her a triumphant smile and led her out.

“Last few days have been busy,” he said before they reached the hall to join others, “And next few days are going to be too. Could you meet me early tomorrow morning? For breakfast?”

Getting Kirti ready was the only challenge. But she would do it. “Sure. Where?”

“I will text you the address. Take a taxi.”

“I always do take a taxi now.”

“Thank you,” he replied in a low voice, pressing her hand as If it she was doing him a favor by taking taxis and he was grateful for it.

—

“You should drop me at her pre-school,” Karishma said as she settled in with Kirti in her lap, “There is a parent-teacher meeting. It will take some time. I can walk to the office from there.”

“Okay Boss!” he grinned, “We will not go to the office together.”

But she grew embarrassed, “You have been very patient with me. But the situation must annoy you sometimes, doesn’t it?”

He shot her a concerned look, “What makes you think so?”

“Well you had asked for one week and–”

“It has been almost three. Let it become thirty, Karishma. I am happy. I had asked for one week in the hope that it will become more.”

“I just wanted to let you know that I am aware, fully aware that I have kept the situation in such a limbo. In fact, given my own hesitations, I don’t even have a right to feel jealous or to–”

“Karishma! I am aware that I may not have all the rights, but I have given you every right. And the more you exercise them the more hope I have for me. But I am never going to take it for granted, rest assured. I do push you about one thing. Taking a taxi. And that’s perhaps selfish. I do it because it gives me such peace of mind knowing you are comfortable and safe. But for everything else, I will happily wait. It isn’t meant for you to feel bad. My hope is that it makes you feel in control. Because you are in control. I will go as far as you allow me. And I will stop if you don’t. That’s the deal. And I intend to keep it. Well even for taxi if you want–”

“What is one thing you would want if I allowed it?”

“One thing?”

“Well, one, two, three, whatever. What is next for you? And don’t ask me what I want. I want to know what you want.”

“Well, for one, I would be really happy if you allowed me to buy a child seat for this car. It will be so much more comfortable and safer for Kirti.”

She gave him a helpless but knowing smile that conveyed that she knew he would come up something silly and sweet like that, “Fine! Go ahead and buy a child seat. And while you are at it, may be find her a babysitter too so that–” Here she abruptly stopped.

“I would, actually, like to do that. We do need to spend time alone and I understand that we can’t depend on your mother to babysit her for long. But why did you stop?”

She shook her head and didn’t say anything.

“If you wished for it, it wasn’t anything bad, Karishma. If you can build a happier life for yourself, it isn’t bad for her. That will make you a better mother too. I firmly believe so.”

Her eyes brimmed over as she said, “Thank you.”

—

Karishma came out of the pre-school dazed. After the meeting with the teacher was over, she had met the principal. The principal had seen Siddhartha drop her and Kirti.

“Wasn’t it Mr. Siddhartha Sen who was with you this morning, Karishma?” she has asked.

The question had taken her by surprise, but she had confirmed that calmly.

“So, you finally know the mystery of your daughter’s scholarship.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh!” she had blanched, “You didn’t?”

“Are you saying Siddhartha is providing scholarship for Kirti?”

“Forget that this conversation happened. I am glad Kirti is doing well here. I am sure she will ace her school admissions when the time comes.”

She was still dazed when she walked into her office and slumped on her chair. Then Soumen appeared and she tried to gather her wits together.

“Hi Soumen! Eh, today… let me check your calendar–”

“There is nothing on the calendar today.”

“Oh! You want–”

“Karishma! I want to talk to you.”

“Okay,” she sat up, “Yeah. Tell me.”

“Karishma! I, I still– When you had said ‘no’ the last time, did it mean forever? Couldn’t you at least give me one chance?”

“What! Soumen – I thought we were over it. What are you–”

“One chance is all I ask for.”

“I can’t, Soumen,” she said, in a tired, resigned tone.

“Why not?”

She stood up abruptly, “Because…” her eyes brimmed over, “Because I am in love with someone else and I must—I am sorry!” She ran away.

—

To be continued

Siddhartha ran into Karishma in the corridor when he came to the hospital late afternoon the next day. She gave an unhesitating smile of pleasure on seeing him and informed him, “He is awake. Though sleepy from all the medicines. But everything is fine.”

He nodded, “Soumen told me. You have been here the entire day, haven’t you?”

She nodded and said, “I brought some of Soumen’s work here. Keeps the work going and keeps him from worrying too much. I was leaving now. I have to pick Kirti up from pre-school.”

He looked at his watch and nodded. As she made her way past him, he suddenly grabbed her hand. Pulling her back, he held her close, “It’s incredible. It has barely been a day since I can even acknowledge this feeling. But already, I missed you.” She shivered and closed her eyes. He could read her reaction and that was enough of a reply.

“Will you call me when you get home?” he asked, letting go of her hand.

“Of course,” she croaked.

“And please take a taxi. You didn’t book one this morning.”

Still under the spell of his passionate declaration, she just nodded.

—

“Who was the girl whom Sonu was obeying like a puppy the entire day?” Siddhartha was taken aback by his father’s question, then he started laughing.

“Karishma?”

“Yes. That’s her name. Quite a karishma she is for our Sonu.”

Siddhartha hoped he wasn’t blushing when he replied, “Yes. She is incredible.”

“Do you know what Baba asked me today?” he said when she called.

“What?”

He repeated his father’s puppy comment word-by-word.

“What! Why? Oh God! That’s–” she became flustered.

“Relax. He was rather impressed.”

Karishma paused for a moment, then said, “Soumen was quite out of his wits, even though there was no emergency. So, I had to nudge him every once in a while.”

“Like?”

“Like calling the doctor when Mr. Sen was in pain. Or replying to the nurse’s questions about his situation.”

It was his turn to pause. Then he whispered, “Thank you, Karishma.”

—

2 weeks later

“You can wait,” Siddhartha told his brother after their meeting was over, “Bonnie is coming. She wanted to meet us both.”

Karishma made to leave, but Siddhartha stopped her too, “Stay, Karishma. You can say ‘hi’ to your friend too.”

She looked at him questioningly and he realized, “That’s Sunidhi’s pet name.”

“Oh! Okay. Great.”

After a brief call to Sunidhi to say ‘thanks’ after she had gotten this job, Karishma hadn’t been in touch with her. She accessed Facebook occasionally and would see the photos put up by her. But there was no more friendship between them now than there was in college. Siddhartha knew that perfectly well. After all whenever they had talked in last two weeks, it had mostly been about her – and a large part of it about her life before her marriage, the comfortable, almost happy phase. Why had he asked her to stay? To include her?

Sunidhi arrived soon.

“Hello brothers,” she cooed as she walked in and went to hug Siddhartha, “How are you doing, Dada?”

“I am fine. How are you and that useless husband of yours?” he replied, laughing.

Sunidhi made a face at Siddhartha.

Karishma smiled. It was obviously a standing joke between the siblings.

“My useless brother seems to be doing fine,” she jokingly punched Soumen and he pretended to be hurt before guffawing.

Then she noticed Karishma and looked genuinely pleased.

“Karishma, Wow! How are you doing?” She went ahead and gave her a hug too. Her good-natured cheerfulness was infectious and Karishma was not unaffected by it. She felt good about being there. She was unaware of Siddhartha’s fond gaze as the two of them hugged. That would have made her knees buckle.

“Listen. The reason I came was that I want to organize a small get-together – perhaps a dinner – now that Baba is back at home. He is not able to step out yet, and meeting people will cheer him up,” Sunidhi announced.

“That’s a good idea,” Soumen said.

“This Saturday, then?” she looked at Siddhartha.

“Saturday, it is,” he consented.

“Good. I will take care of the invites. You should let me know who all you are inviting. And I might as well begin now. Karishma you must come.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“Don’t worry about, Kirti,” Soumen surprised her even more than Sunidhi by intervening, “Bring her along.”

“That’s settled then,” Siddhartha said, “Bonnie. Why don’t you invite Mrinal also on your way out? And Kalindi is going to be in town then. I will invite her. That’s all on my list.”

“Cool. You let me know your list too, Sonu.”

—

There were about twenty people at the get-together. Kirti was happily engaged with ‘Momen’ Uncle and was faithfully following him around.

Siddhartha had formally introduced Karishma to his father and then had gone off to see some other guests. She was sitting with his father and Sunidhi when Siddhartha came back with a gorgeous woman by his side. Unaware of Karishma’s startled looks, Siddhartha took the woman to his father, “Baba. Kalindi. You remember her?”

“Of course, of course. How are you, sweetheart? It has become increasingly difficult to set eyes on you. After how many years have you come to India?”

“Two years, Uncle. It’s not a huge time.”

“Two years? People like us are getting older and you may not see me again if you take another two years for your next visit.”

“Come on, Baba!” Siddhartha interrupted his father, “A few fractures are not going to do anything to you.”

At the same time, Sunidhi whispered in Karishma’s ears, “If only she would stay in India, Dada might just get married.”

Karishma forced a smile. Siddhartha and Kalindi turned towards them.

“You know my sister, of course,” he said.

“Bonnie, is it? Oh my God! I don’t think I met you the last time I was here. You are all grown up.”

“For years, Kalindi,” Sunidhi rolled her eyes and both of them laughed as they hugged.

“She is married. Her husband should be around here somewhere and so should be my brother, whom you did meet last time. Meanwhile, this is Karishma. My useless brother’s very capable assistant.”

Sunidhi, Kalindi as well as Mr. Sen looked surprised and stared at him.

“What?” he asked, wondering if he had made some gaffe. Karishma also noticed the stares and grew uncomfortable.

Kalindi broke the silence with laughter, “She must be very capable for you to say that out loud, Sid! I have never heard you praise someone so unconditionally.”

“She said it!” Sunidhi concurred.

Mr. Sen also nodded and smiled.

Kalindi shook hands with Karishma, “Nice to meet you.”

“Same here.”

“And I would really like to know how you managed to impress this demanding prick.”

Karishma winced, smiling uncomfortably, while Sunidhi added, “I would like to know that too. But more importantly, Dada, I would like to earn some commission for referring such a great employee.”

“I think,” Siddhartha finally came to Karishma’s rescue, “You girls are making her really uncomfortable. Why don’t you sit down with Baba, Kalindi, while I and Karishma go and find her daughter?”

“With pleasure!”

“Come, Karishma,” Embarrassed even more to be singled out for his attention, but relieved to leave the company posing uncomfortable questions, Karishma followed him.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said once they were out of earshot.

“It’s not like anyone was insulting me or anything,” she replied.

“I hadn’t realized that I–”

“What?”

“Well, precisely what they pointed out. I am a judgmental person. Not in a bitter sort of way, I hope. But I am quick to notice people’s flaws. But with you–”

“There is your Mommy–” they were interrupted by Soumen who had Kirti in his tow, “Karishma, she is hungry.”

Karishma gulped and cleared her throat before speaking, “Thanks, Soumen. It’s her meal time. I will feed her. I have her dinner packed.”

“Packed? Why? Doesn’t she eat regular food?” Siddhartha asked.

“She does. But nobody is eating right now–”

“So what? I will take you to the kitchen. I am sure there is enough ready to feed a little girl.”

“Dada!”

“Yes?”

“Kalindi is here, right? Looking more gorgeous than ever before.”

“She is way out of your league, Sonu. And much older too, remember.”

“Come on, Dada. You know what I mean. Make her stay in India this time and get married already, will you?”

“Have you had too much to drink? Come on, Karishma. Kirti, come with us, sweetheart.”

“It is unbelievable how well Soumen gets along with Kirti,” Karishma said to fill the awkward silence on their way to the kitchen.

“The way you have to take care of him, you could very well adopt him and have two kids to play with each other.”

She chuckled but realized that Siddhartha was annoyed. But there were too many people around and it was difficult to have a private conversation.

Once they had set a plate for Kirti, Karishma told him, “I will feed her. You should go back and attend to the guests.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Yes, Siddhartha,” she chuckled, “I know how to feed my daughter. Go now.”

—

To be continued

She nodded, “They relented only after I showed them Kirti’s wounds. They are still not happy about it.”

He looked thoughtful.

Suddenly she stood up.

“Karishma?” he also stood up.

“God! What was I thinking? This isn’t going to work out. I am mentally and physically a wreck. I am not even divorced yet. There is a child in question. And would you know what to do with people like my parents as your in-laws? This is an impossible dream. You and I both need to wake up!”

“Karishma!”

“I will leave now,” she started walking out, her pace brisk.

He ran after her and yanked at her hands.

“You promised!” he said desperately, “You promised to give it time. You can’t decide in five minutes.”

She looked at him helplessly, “It’s a mess.”

“You don’t run away from things. Nor do I.”

“It’s not your mess to deal with. And even if I start dealing with it right away, it will take a lot of time. You can’t keep waiting for me until then.”

“I made you confront this mess. It is now mine to deal with”

“No. You don’t want to–”

“Karishma. I admire your strength. It doesn’t mean you have to keep proving it to me again and again. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t take help. It definitely doesn’t mean that I won’t want to be by your side when you are going through an ordeal.”

“I just want my daughter to be safe. If I try to fix more, I may end up making things worse.”

“Fine. But just give me one week. Meet me. Talk to me. We will not talk about this. We will do whatever else we feel like. And then you can decide whether it is worth fighting for. I ask for just one week.”

She had calmed down by then. “Yes. I am sorry I was so abrupt. I will meet you, of course. I want to. But I have a lot of thinking to do.”

“Okay. That’s perfectly fine. I can live with that. For now.”

“I should still leave now.”

“Yeah. Okay. Take a taxi. No, wait. I will book you one. From my personal account, nobody in the office will know, don’t worry.”

“It’s not so late. It’s earlier than usual. Don’t spoil me!”

“I will have to. Else you won’t come around.”

The phone rang at the same time as the door flung open.

“Dada!” Soumen barged in, looking disheveled. Siddhartha stared at the phone which showed Mrinal’s number. “Oh. It’s just Karishma,” Soumen said, “Mrinal has gone mad. He won’t let me come in. That must be him calling.” Siddhartha disconnected the phone and looked at his brother. Karishma was glad Soumen wasn’t looking at her. She felt her cheeks growing hot and was sure that her face had turned red in embarrassment.

“Dada. It’s an emergency. I just got a call from home. Baba slipped in the bathroom. Mohan said he has called an ambulance.”

“Oh God!” Karishma and Siddhartha spoke in chorus. “How bad is it?” Siddhartha asked.

“I don’t really know, Dada. I was too flustered to–”

“You drive straight to the hospital. I will check with Mohan and see if I should go home first. Rush now.”

“Yes, Dada,” Soumen left immediately.

“Karishma, you–”

“Don’t worry about me, please. Why don’t you make that call and find out what you should be doing?”

“Yes. Right, thanks!”

He called home.

“He was in pain… What are you saying… He is not conscious… Where is the ambulance… Okay – I am heading to the hospital too…”

“Should I come with you?” Karishma asked as soon as he disconnected the call.

Despite his worries, he smiled, “It’s tempting. But not now. I am sending you a number and a code. You call them and book a cab with that code.”

“Stop worrying about me–”

“That’s what I am doing. I won’t have to worry if you use this.”

“I will. I promise. Please call me once you know what the situation is.”

“I will.”

—

The call came late in the evening.

“I’m sorry; I missed your messages,” Siddhartha said.

“Don’t worry. I was just concerned. How is your father?”

“He had passed out from pain. There is a fracture, so that has to be handled. Cast for at least a month and bed rest. But there is no other danger. He will be in the hospital for a week.”

“Are you staying at the hospital for the night?”

“Yes.”

“Have you had your dinner?”

“Yes.”

They fell silent, listening only to each other’s breath. He spoke after a long pause, “Could you take a taxi and come here for a bit?”

“Yes,” She replied hastily, “I will.”

“Kirti…”

“She is asleep. My mother can look after her if she wakes up. Else I will bring her with me.”

“I will be waiting. Give me a call once you reach the hospital. I will have to sign you in.”

“Okay.”

“And it’s quite late. Take a taxi by calling that number. Don’t–”

“I will. I don’t want you worrying about me right now. I will take a taxi.”

Her mother, obviously, didn’t believe her when she said that there was some emergency at work and she would have to go out that late at night. But she agreed to keep an eye on Kirti. So, Karishma called the taxi and left by herself.

—

When he saw her, he walked towards her with long, urgent strides. For a moment it looked like he would hug her, but he refrained. He just held her hands and pressed them. “Thank you for coming.”

“You are so stressed out. What is it?”

He looked embarrassed; then said in a resigned fashion, “Baba is my strength. And by extension my weakness. Seeing him unconscious unnerved me.”

“How old is he?”

“Seventy.”

“Fracture in old age is not good. But the doctors said he was out of danger, didn’t they? He would be alright.”

He nodded, “Honestly. I now feel silly for making you come all the way for no reason–”

She interrupted him, “I wanted to come and see you. The reason I didn’t ask myself was because I was afraid to intrude.”

He looked at her curiously.

She gulped hard and spoke again, “About this afternoon. Taking a stock of my situation worries me. But I am not playing hard-to-get with you–”

“No, you are not. I know that, Karishma.”

“Then ask for me. Whenever you need me.”

“How about all the time?”

She chuckled, “That may just make fixing every mess worth it.”

“Don’t worry about fixing everything. Let things take its course. And when the time comes, I can put the best lawyers on it.”

She smiled.

“And now you should get back. It’s past midnight. Is your taxi waiting?”

“No. I thought I would call one when–”

“I will do it.”

After making the call, he said, “Somebody will be here in fifteen minutes. I need another favor. Can you call Mrinal early in the morning tomorrow and ask him to reschedule my meetings.”

“You already didn’t take any meeting today–”

“I know. But I need to be here tomorrow. Baba may gain consciousness anytime.”

“There is nothing important on Soumen’s calendar. He can stay here–”

“That would be too much of a responsibility for him–”

“No. It won’t be, Sir–”

“Siddhartha!”

“Siddhartha! It won’t be. He looks up to you and he is terrified of you. That’s why he doesn’t come forward to take responsibilities. I think you should let him do it. And if he is nervous, I will be there with him too, I promise.”

He smiled appreciatively, “You must have been his mother in a previous birth. So, why don’t you call him instead of Mrinal in the morning and arrange all this.”

“I will arrange all this, but you need to make that call to him. In fact, I think you should make it now. And suggest him that he should ask me to take care of his meetings.”

Grinning, he gave her a mock salute and dialed Soumen.

—

To be continued

He waited in his office while she settled Kirti in the day care and then came to meet him. The blinds to the office were down, and as soon as she arrived, he called Mrinal to tell him that he expected no interruptions for the rest of the day. Then instead of his usual chair behind the workdesk, he sat down on one of the sofas in the room and motioned for her to sit next to him.

She sat down gingerly. The thread of conversation was broken. The comfort would have to be established again, he realized. Only for a few days, he hoped. And then they would be comfortable in their relationship.

“I was quite surprised, you know,” he said, “And it still surprises me that you were Sunidhi’s friend.”

“I wasn’t,” she responded and then realizing that she had been abrupt, explained, “I mean I wasn’t among her close friends. We knew each other, of course. We were in the same class.”

“The way she had eaten my head off trying to get you a job, I would have thought you were bosom friends.”

Karishma chuckled, “I never understood her really. My life in college was weird and lonely. I was a scholarship student and didn’t really belong to the crowd there. Sunidhi was, of course, the center of the crowd, while I wasn’t even on the periphery. But she was exceptionally sweet to me. She often sought me out, even if just to say ‘hello’. I could never figure out why. When I started looking for a job and was growing desperate, I joined Facebook and started adding everybody I could recognize. She was one of the very few people who responded to my post announcing that I was looking for a job. And she wanted me to meet – well you know now – her Dada. I grabbed the opportunity.”

“How fortunate for me. The way you describe it, my sister seems to have been enamored with you before either me or my brother were. You have almost ensnared my entire family. I can’t wait to see what Baba thinks of you.” Realizing that he might be getting ahead of himself, he quickly added, “In due course, obviously. No pressure.”

“Enamored? She was perhaps just patronizing me. You seem so confident of this entire business. I am nothing like Sunidhi. I am nothing like women in your social circle. Would it not bother you?”

“That you don’t have fake eyelashes and chemically straightened hair?” he laughed, “No. It doesn’t bother me. Although if you wanted to fit in and wanted to acquire those, that would be totally your choice. But I do think Sunidhi was enamored with you. She wouldn’t burn midnight oil to acquire any skills herself. But she does appreciate them in others. I think she appreciated your academic performance.”

“That was accidental. I didn’t have money or permission to go to the parties or movies. So, I studied when I wasn’t helping my mother with household chores. Studying was my escape. It was empowering to be good at something.”

“How did you get stuck in an abusive marriage after all that? Why didn’t you think of having a career after such a spectacular academic performance?”

“The answer may disappoint you,” she replied, looking apprehensive.

“Try me.”

“It was always meant to be that way. Going to that college was a lucky accident. I managed to pass the scholarship exam. But that didn’t change the fact that I came from a background where career is not meant for the girls. Like scores of others, I did my graduation to become eligible for a good marriage. The scholarship, fancy college and good academic performances were stars to be dangled before the potential grooms and their families. After all, everyone wants an educated daughter-in-law who would bring up the grandchildren well. That’s what my parents were planning, that’s what I was working towards and that’s what I achieved. Everybody I knew did that. I had no idea I was walking into an abusive relationship. He had seemed so right, so eligible as a husband…” her voice tailed off.

It wouldn’t be easy to come to this subject again. So, Siddhartha decided to risk pushing, “It took you six years to–”

“If you googled abusive relationship and read up the most typical symptoms, that was my marriage.”

He had already done all the googling.

“Don’t you want to talk about it?”

She buried her head in her hands and recalled. How it had felt romantic in the beginning. The jealousy, the possessiveness.

You are mine. Don’t smile at him and encourage him, he ogles at you.

Don’t talk too much to her, I need your time for myself.

You are mine, and only mine.

I’m sorry I hit you. But you know how angry it makes me if I find you are not there when I need you. I need you so much. I love you so much.

Stop talking to your parents so much. They are not your family any longer. I am. They just fill garbage in your ears against me.

No, they don’t, Vikram. They want me to stay with you.

Who else will you stay with? You want a job? What do you want a job for? Don’t I earn enough for both of us? Don’t you trust me?

I’m sorry that I hit you. I don’t like doing it you know that, don’t you? But you make me do it. Why can’t you just cook a meal properly? Huh? Tell me. Can’t you do that much for me? How I work day in, day out for you.

Have a baby, Karishma. That fixes marriages. You can’t keep gazing into each other’s faces all your life. A baby keeps the relationship together.

Oh! I am so happy. You must rest and not stress yourself about anything. No need to go to your parents’ house. You are much better cared for here. I am there for you. Our house is bigger.

I am going to decorate this room for our boy. Girl? No way. I know we will have a boy. What will I do with a girl? You are the only girl I need.

Stop her from crying, that miserable creature. I can’t stand her. You have one job. To keep her quiet. Can’t you do even that. And when am I going to have my wife back? Are you still my wife? Or is it only that cunt who matters now? I am going to get rid of her right away.

Noooo. Vikram. Stop. She is so little. She will stay quiet. I will make sure. Else I will leave her with my parents. Just tonight, Vikram. Just one night.

Kick! You are so useless. So useless! Why did I ever marry you? If I weren’t so much in love with you, my life would have been so much better.

When Karishma came to, she realized that she hadn’t only been thinking about those days. She had actually been narrating them to Siddhartha. He was holding her hands tight and grating his teeth in anger.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

His expressions softened, “What are you sorry for?”

“I am so messed up. How would I ever move on from that? And to think that it was staring at me all the time. That I could have stopped it all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how he had managed to do it, but I was convinced that it was all my fault. If I tried a bit more, if I were a bit better at something – cooking, cleaning, pleasing him. If I were—I looked up relationship advice, but if there was a warning about what was really happening to me in those columns, I ignored them. It was the risk to my daughter’s life that I couldn’t finally ignore. Then I started acknowledging the problem. But it was hard. What was I to do? Where was I to go? My parents had no money and after my father’s illness were barely managing to survive themselves. I had never held a job. There wasn’t a single paisa in my name. No bank account, no cash, nothing. Even the little jewelry I owned were not with me. It was in a locker to which I had no access. Vikram would bring them when there was a function to attend, he would choose what I should wear and the next morning, it would all go back. I wouldn’t have known how to survive even for a day if I left. But that night, he really would have killed her. I gave her medicines meant for cold to keep her sleeping through the night. I was so scared. What if I had overdosed her. I stole some cash and ran away in the morning. I had no place to go except my parents’ and when I reached there…”

“They wanted you to go back?”

—

To be continued

He told her about his mother. She was diagnosed with cancer soon after Soumen and Sunidhi were born. That was a difficult blow to her and to the entire family. But what he remembered from the ordeal the most was how quickly and easily she had given up.

“She had no will to fight. Cancer wasn’t in the terminal stage. But all she could think of was dying. All of Baba’s attempts to make things easy for or to cheer her up were in vain. She had the best care that was available. I always felt that her depression killed her before the physical disease could. Baba looked so overwhelmed all the time. The business was still small and fledgling then. He needed to take care of that too. Then two babies at home. I was also just a lousy teenager. But I think I had to grow up then.”

“The way Soumen speaks of you, he sees you more of his guardian than your father.”

“Really?”

“Are you surprised?”

“If I was a guardian, I wasn’t a very good one. Your daughter is so well brought up. My siblings are nothing like that.”

“Come on. You are being harsh on yourself. And too generous on me.”

“No. But anyway. Why was I telling you this sob story? To explain how we reached here. How I reached here with you and perhaps also to explain why I didn’t reach here with anybody else before. I will be honest, Karishma. When we met the first time, you were nothing but Sunidhi’s stubborn demand on my time. I had no idea what job I could give you. And I didn’t give you a meaningful one. I hadn’t meant to give you a job at all. I have no idea why I blurted out in the last moment that Soumen needed an assistant. Perhaps, subconsciously, the matter of fact way in which you had explained why you were looking for a job, had already affected me. And from there on, I saw a woman who had been dealt with a very unfair hand. But instead of running away or sulking, she was facing it, head on.”

“You are making me so nervous. I am a very ordinary woman who was just reacting to the circumstances–”

“No war hero is born with a sword and a shield in his hands, Karishma. He becomes a hero only when he is faced with death in the battlefield and raises his shield to protect a fellow soldier rather than himself. What you do when you face a crisis is what makes you a hero. Before that moment everyone is ordinary.”

“I–”

“You just picked up and started reviewing those contracts, when Soumen won’t do it. Well, that got me!”

“You knew?” her face reddened.

“Of course, I knew. You think I am that dumb?”

“Obviously not,” she mumbled.

“Even if I didn’t know you,” his voice was less intense now and Karishma relaxed a bit, “I knew my brother. I knew he didn’t suddenly have an enlightenment.”

“But that’s not the case now. He works, actively.”

“I know that too. And I would be eternally grateful to you just for bringing that change about. Whatever you did to motivate him.”

“He has always been in awe of you. He didn’t think that he could measure up to you. So, he was too afraid to take up responsibilities. What if he couldn’t do it as well as you would. Being too cool to work was just a defensive façade.”

“Wow!”

“When you reacted positively to what work I sent your way, he figured he could do it himself too. He looks up to you.”

“And how do you know all this?”

“He talks. Quite a bit,” she laughed, then added jokingly, “But I shouldn’t be telling you all this. It isn’t fair on him.”

“But you haven’t told me anything that will embarrass him. Not yet, anyway.”

“And I won’t.”

“Fair enough. But thank you for what you did tell me. It will help me be a better guardian to him if I am indeed that. I wish I had understood earlier.”

“How could you have?”

“You are right. I couldn’t have known. But for you.”

She blushed and silence prevailed for a while.

At last, she said, “My turn, I guess.”

“Remember. It is not a job interview and it is even less of an exam. There is no time limit. You talk when you want to.”

“It’s not every day that you are going to have a free calendar, is it? How did you manage that? You were going to tell me that.”

“I had planned this for over a week. I spoke to you the day before I managed to keep a full day free.”

“This is… unbelievable.”

“But I have always made time for you, Karishma, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“You have, indeed.” Very often he had given her a meeting slot immediately, even if it was the only time he had to himself during the day.

“I think it’s always about priority. You make time for what is on priority, and those you don’t make time for are obviously not your priority. I will always have time for you.”

“Don’t promise so much, please,” her voice sank, “You are so aware of where you stand, what your past has done to you. I don’t even know what my past has done to me. I have been so obsessed with keeping things together, with holding the job and earning that I don’t know who I am as a person. I don’t know who it is that you love and want to marry and spend your life with. Is she even capable to living that life? She may not be.”

Siddhartha regarded her silently for a moment, then leaned forward and reached across the table to hold her hand.

“Then stop and take a breath now. Find out what has become of you. It may not be pretty right now. But people survive. And I don’t know of anyone who has as much strength as you do. Even if nothing ever becomes of us, even if our relationship doesn’t see a future, it would have been worthwhile if it helped confront you your demons and defeat them. I will be by your side through this.”

“It doesn’t seem fair that you should have to deal with this.”

“May be what isn’t fair is that you should have to dredge up your past just because I decided to barge into your life one fine day declaring that I am in love with you. But you didn’t run away, you didn’t say ‘no’, which you were capable of saying as we know from a certain incident in past. So, perhaps you want to give it a try. With me, for my sake.”

Biting her lips, her face contorting to stop tears from flowing, she nodded.

He stood up and, continuing to hold her hand, came to stand beside her.

“Let’s go,” he said softly and helped her up. He wrapped his other hand around her and led her to his car. They sat inside the car in silence for a while.

Karishma broke the silence, “I need to pick Kirti up.”

“She is still at the pre-school? I thought it was only for a couple of hours.”

“In the beginning. Now she has adjusted there and stays until half past three.”

“Okay. Let’s go then.”

“You could drop me at the signal before Starbucks–”

“It’s barely half a kilometer from there. I will go with you.”

She smiled, “How do you know where it is?”

He flinched, but Karishma didn’t notice. Then he said with a shrug, “Everybody’s kids seem to go there. Difficult to not know.”

“She would stay in the company day care after this, right?” he asked as they were about to reach.

“Yes. Usually.”

“And what plans do you have for the afternoon?”

Fully aware that he had kept his day free, she replied, “Nothing particular. Soumen is not going to be in the office.”

“Then you are stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

She smiled, “Where would we go?”

“To my office!”

“That would be awkward.”

“We have had dozens of meetings in past.”

“I suppose so,” she mumbled. When it felt so different to you inside, was it possible that nothing would be revealed to the outside world? She stole a quick glance at him. He was relaxed. If he didn’t worry about it, she decided that she wouldn’t either.

—

To be continued

She had his mobile number. A number she had never dialed, because the meetings were usually setup through Mrinal, unless Soumen himself set those up with his brother. At other times they had been spontaneously setup by him. And that one time she had barged into his office early morning! She smiled as she thought of that day. He was paying attention to what she had said then. “That you can depend on me!” he had said yesterday. It wasn’t random. It was carefully thought through!

Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number.

“Karishma?” The phone was picked up immediately, but his voice sounded so brisk that she lost her composure for a moment. Was he surprised to receive her call? Did the conversation she remembered from last evening never happen? Had she dreamt up some suppressed fantasy of hers?

“Sir.” She managed to acknowledge in a barely audible voice.

“Are you all right?” the affectionate, solicitous voice was back. She sighed in relief.

“Yes. And you?”

He chuckled, “Yes. I am fine.”

“I was wondering if we could talk–”

“I am in the office and my entire day has been cleared out. No meetings”

“Really?” he cleared out his entire day? For her? “How did you manage to do that?”

“I will tell you when we meet.”

“I– I need to drop Kirti to the pre-school. And Soumen happens to have a couple of meetings this morning. I’m sorry I can’t–”

“Lunch?”

“Yes. But can we meet somewhere outside office?”

“Sure.”

“Where?”

“I will take you there.”

“Take me from where?”

He laughed, “Not from the office, if you are worried. Meet me in front of Starbucks next block at noon?”

“Okay. I will be there.”

“See you.”

Damn! A lunch-date? Already? He would go to someplace fancy, won’t he? Did she even have a dress suitable for it? If he had at least told her where it would be, she would know what would work. She tried to pick up the best from among the four she usually wore to work. It was an exercise in frustration. But her time at it was cut short by the need to get Kirti ready and to reach office in time for meetings. The little quarrel with Soumen also needed to be settled before the meetings.

—

“Hi!”

“Hi!” She suddenly realized that she had no idea how to address him. “Sir” seemed too awkward now and she had never addressed him by his name.

“How did your meetings go?”

“Went well, I think.”

“And was the issue with Soumen resolved?”

He remembered the accidental mention from yesterday!

“Yes. He is impulsive, not necessarily stubborn. He saw my point.”

“Good for him.”

She couldn’t help blushing.

“Shall we go?” he asked.

She nodded. He led her to his car. The luxurious gray Audi was no more suitable for carrying grocery than Soumen’s red sports car had been. But Karishma could very well imagine children in the vehicle. It made sense!

“You know,” he said as he pulled out of the parking, “Nobody other than you calls me ‘Sir’ in the office. Everyone uses my name. You should do that too.”

“I have been calling you so from day one and you never asked me not to.”

“Well on day one – our first meeting – I wasn’t exactly planning on giving you a job.” She drew in a sharp breath, but he continued unawares, “I didn’t even have a job in mind. And then you had thoroughly annoyed me by looking so nervous and scattered in the beginning.”

She was surprised. Then seemed to recall something and exclaimed, “Oh. That!”

“What?”

She smiled sheepishly, “Sunidhi had told me that I should meet her Dada. I had always thought of her as a Delhi girl. I had no idea she was using a Bengali word.”

It took Siddhartha a moment and then he burst into laughter. “So, you came expecting to–”

“See an elderly man–” And not someone so breathtakingly handsome, she added in her head. Oh yes – she could accept that now. He was handsome and she had noticed it! Outwardly she added, “I couldn’t figure it out during our meeting. Then Mrinal brought me the hiring-related paperwork. I read in the offer letter that your brother, who needed an assistant, was Soumen. Then, of course, everything started making sense.”

“This is epic. I should have asked you earlier.”

“I wouldn’t have told you earlier.”

That made him look at her and smile, “I am glad that now you did.”

She smiled back.

She was taken by surprise when he pulled over near a small park and led her in.

“What place is this?”

“One of my favorites, but I can’t exactly come here for business lunches.” There were a few stalls inside the park selling street food. The place was crowded with mostly college students and young professionals. Common plastic tables and chairs were placed irregularly for those who didn’t want to stand or stroll while eating. She flashed a wide grin at him.

“This is perfect.” At least her lunch with this man was going to go well. They ordered food, which was quickly delivered and they brought it to one of the tables under a tree.

“Wow! This chhole-bhature is as good as the ones you get in Old Delhi,” she said after taking the first bite.

“And the place is more convenient to reach than Old Delhi. Best of both worlds, eh?”

“You negotiated your way very well, as usual.”

“What’s up with compliments?”

Her face fell at that. Was she being too familiar? “I– I am sorry. I did mean them though. I didn’t mean to be–”

“Relax, Karishma. I was joking.”

She smiled, albeit slightly uncertainly.

He waited until they had finished eating and then asked, “Do you want to talk?”

She nodded immediately, but took a while to start speaking, “The more I think about it the bigger it seems.”

“It is a big decision but don’t overthink it so much that it becomes more complex than it is. You can talk to me. Ask me questions any time.”

“Yeah. We need time–”

“Of course. I already told you. Take as much time as you want.”

“No. Not just me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You behaved as your position needed you to behave. And in the process, you made up your mind about something big. I am sure you gave it time. But you didn’t spend that time with me. You also don’t really know me. And you should take time to do that as well.”

The alarmed expression on his face changed. He leaned back and gazed at her fondly. “At least, I knew one thing correctly about you.”

“What?”

“That I could depend on you. To do the right and honest thing.”

“You give me too much credit.”

“Not really. But I am okay with what you said. We should take time and get to know each other.”

“And the first thing you should do is not be so sanguine about it all. I come with a lot of baggage.”

He leaned forward, “I don’t know all about it. But surely you understand that I am aware of it.”

She nodded.

“Then allow me to know it all. The fact is that all of us come with our baggage. Some lighter than others perhaps. But there is always something. And you will know all about mine too.”

“Thank you,” her voice grew thick.

“What is the one big thing on your mind?”

She chuckled, “Oh! There are hundreds of big things on my mind. It will be very difficult to choose one. Don’t ask me such questions.”

“It’s not a job interview you know. You shouldn’t be so nervous.”

“I know it’s not a job interview. Not that I know a lot of those. My only successful one was pretty weird I think. And–”

“What?”

“How did we even reach here from there?”

“Now you are making me nervous.”

“Come on.”

“Well you kept surprising me at every step and I kept surprising myself at what your surprises did to me, how they made me feel.”

“How?”

“That relates to my big baggage, I suppose. Do you want to know about it?” he smiled and winced at the same time.

“I, of course, want to know about everything if you don’t mind talking about it.”

“I will have to talk about it. Because I could you tell you some nonsensical stuff like love knows no reason and all. But that’s not how it works for me. So, you need to know where I am coming from.”

“Tell me, then.”

—

To be continued

Karishma was nervous when she entered his office. Kirti was also with her.

He didn’t notice her nervousness. Because he himself was in the same state, although outwardly he didn’t show any signs of it.

“Karishma!”

“Sir. You wanted to talk to me?” He had asked her to stay after office. Yesterday, after two weeks of working peacefully, Soumen had flipped. He had quarreled with her and hadn’t turned up in the office today. So, Karishma was not looking forward to this conversation with Siddhartha.

“Yes. Is it okay if Mrinal minds Kirti for a while?”

Except for a quick nod and smile, Siddhartha didn’t seem interested in the child today and, in fact, wanted her out of the way. Did he have bad news for her? He had repeatedly assured her in past that her job was safe. While it felt gratifying and reassuring to hear him say it, when he got busy with his work and she didn’t speak to him for days at length, his assurances started feeling like a distant, hazy, unreliable memory. She could no longer believe that he would care enough about her if her presence indeed became an irritant instead of a help at work.

“Yeah… Okay. I will leave her with him–”

“I will call him,” he said as he picked up the phone. He motioned for her to sit, but kept standing himself, “Mrinal. Can I trouble you with baby-sitting duty for a bit? Karishma’s daughter- yes. They are in my office.”

Mrinal came and after throwing a puzzled glance at both Siddhartha and Karishma, who sat slumped in a chair, took Kirti away. Having a child who was comfortable with everyone was a convenience Karishma couldn’t thank her stars enough for. But now there was the bad news.  She couldn’t bear the suspense any longer and blurted before he could start a conversation, “I am sorry about Soumen. I am sure he will come around. I wasn’t saying anything outrageous.”

“What about Soumen?”

“Oh! You… you didn’t know?”

“Should I know? What is it?”

“Nothing that you need to be bothered about, really. What did you want to talk about?”

“You have been worried all this while?” Siddhartha finally realized.

She gave an embarrassed smile.

“Wow! Karishma. What would it take for you to believe that I am not going to just fire you one day, out of the blue. That you can–” he paused and then added an expression she had used sometime back, “That you can depend on me?”

But she didn’t seem to recall the context from that. “I am sorry. I really am. I don’t mistrust you. I am incredibly nervous about this issue. And it grates on Soumen too. I am aware of it. And I will behave from now on. What did you want to talk about? Please tell me now.” She looked at him and something in the way he was looking at her made her throat go dry.

“I just did,” he said, his tall frame bent forward on his table, looking intently at her, “And I think I have to assure you that the outcome of this conversation will have no impact on your job. With that out of the way, do you think you could depend on me, Karishma?”

The implication finally hit her. And it hit her so hard her instinct was to flee from the situation, to pretend that the question had never arisen. But she felt herself glued to the chair. She couldn’t as much as stand up, much less flee. After a long pause, she croaked, “You can’t possibly mean what I am thinking that means.”

“Why?” he smiled, nervous and expectant at the same time, “You can’t possibly mean that I am not allowed to express my feelings for the woman I am in love with.”

“Me?”

Her reactions were now amusing him. “Yes, Karishma. You.”

“I can’t afford to have an affair with my boss. Too much is at stake,” she said and immediately regretted saying that.

Predictably, Siddhartha took offense, “What the hell, Karishma! I am not a married man looking to have an affair on the side. I am proposing a relationship. A marriage. What are you–”

“I am sorry!” she interrupted, then added in a low, embarrassed voice, “I apologize. That was uncalled for. But even then, it’s too big. And my brain seems frozen.”

Siddhartha was, quite willingly, quick to forgive the unsavory accusation. Her flustered reaction was not unexpected.

“I have taken you by surprise. I am aware of that. But I couldn’t have gone the conventional way of flirting with you or giving you any signals because the power dynamics of our relationship wouldn’t allow it to remain innocuous. Trust me, it was not because I took your acceptance for granted. Far from it, I have plans A, B, C, D – a lot of them – prepared in anticipation of a number of reactions you could have given. For now, I am happy that you are not screaming ‘no’! It has been sudden, because I felt it couldn’t be any other way. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give you time now – lots of it, as much as you like. You don’t have to answer right now.”

That relieved her. She could feel her body becoming lighter. It actually seemed possible to get up from that chair now. So, she nodded and did just that.

“Will you be fine?” his sounded so solicitous that Karishma regretted not having an answer ready for him. But she was still dazed and she did need time to process the idea.

“Don’t worry,” she managed to reply and made for the door.

“I will ask Mrinal to call you a company taxi. It is too late and I don’t want you to be looking for buses.”

She did not resist. Oh yes – she could depend on him. Depend on him to take care of her, and also to be discreet about it. A company taxi dropping her home would be much less conspicuous than her boss dropping her in a flashy car!

While leaving, she stopped at the door, turned and asked, “Why me?”

He walked up to her and said, “Because it feels like I can depend on you.”

A hint of a smile appeared on her face. She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

“Everything okay?” Mrinal asked as she waited in his office for the taxi to come. She was completely quiet and looked dazed, barely responding to even Kirti’s questions about when they would be home.

“Yes,” she replied weakly and wondered if she could talk to Mrinal. She didn’t just then. But he was one person who could be trusted to be discreet about all of Siddhartha’s doings.

—

Karishma was surprised at how refreshed she felt in the morning. When she had gone to bed last night, she had expected to remain awake the entire night. After all something so extraordinary had happened last evening. Siddhartha Sen had proposed to her. She couldn’t treat this proposal frivolously. Unlike Soumen, Siddhartha knew his mind. But it wasn’t that simple to accept it either. She respected him professionally and as a boss. He was definitely a dependable man. But was he the right husband for her? And it wasn’t just about her. Kirti? What about her own parents? If she accepted, money would never be a problem for her. But was that enough? Would it stand the test of time? Besides, he may be dependable, but how well considered was his proposal? How much did he know about her? What about her past? Would it be easy to move on? Despite all these questions indulging in a chaotic dance in her mind, she had drifted off to sleep. Something deep inside her must have calmed her mind down. Because in the morning she was feeling quite refreshed and clear. The conversation with Siddhartha wasn’t sounding like a hazy dream as it had last night. It was real. It opened possibilities. The possibilities that may not be realized. But she was ready to explore them.

—

To be continued

“Karishma. Dada has okayed me taking a break for the Europe trip,” Soumen informed her the next day, “I leave in a week. So, we have enough time to wrap up reviewing the proposals we received for our e-commerce site development. Then you can oversee the contracts and initial work until I return, right?”

“Sure. A few more proposals have come over last couple of days.”

“Oh! I hadn’t paid attention.”

“That’s okay. We have enough time to review them all.”

—

Karishma rushed for the meeting with Siddhartha after disconnecting the call. She only had a fifteen minutes slot with him.

“You have reviewed the contract, right? If the legal has okayed it, I can sign right away,” he said as soon as she entered. He looked swamped with work. This was the contract that Soumen would have signed, but since he had left for his trip, it fell to Siddhartha to do that.

“Do you have a few minutes? I’m sorry to bring up issues in the last minute, but it seems important.”

His demeanor changed immediately. He pushed away the papers that were occupying him and concentrated on her. “What is it?”

“I read something about the company we have chosen to go ahead with and it didn’t look right. They seemed to be involved in another project where some Internet security related things had gone really wrong. I didn’t understand all the details; so, I called up a friend of mine who is a techie. I just got off the call with him, and it seems like we need to review the strategy we are adopting here.”

He sighed and leaned back on his chair.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again, “That it didn’t come up when Soumen was still here. If you don’t have time, we can postpone it until Soumen is back. Or–”

“No. That’s fine. But it needs more time than what we have right now, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Let’s see,” he peered into his laptop screen and said, “There are no lunch meetings. Can we meet in one hour here? We can talk over lunch.”

“Sure.”

“Will you let Mrinal know what should be ordered for you–”

“I am carrying my lunch. No need to order for me.”

“Okay, then. See you.”

—

“I am reading out from my notes and I don’t necessarily understand everything I am saying,” Karishma clarified, “Is any of it making sense to you?”

“It has been so long, but I did have a technical education. Unfortunately, I never used it in my professional life. I can understand something of what is being talked about. But I am in no position to really take a technical decision here. We need somebody else.”

“Shall I speak to someone in IT?”

“No. This is beyond maintaining servers and configuring software. We need someone who understands the fundamentals of Software development. Who did you speak to?”

“A friend.”

“Is he available as a consultant? Or can he recommend someone?”

“I can ask.”

“Do that. I think that’s how we should go about it. Hire someone trusted to handle this technically. Someone who can vet the vendors, their proposals and even their output.”

“Okay.”

Their lunch was still not over. So, some small talk was inevitable.

“How are things with you otherwise?” he asked, “How is your daughter doing?”

“She is doing great. Between her pre-school and the day care center here, I don’t have to worry about her.”

“That’s good. Day care is perhaps one of the best investment we have made on employees.”

“I am not surprised and I wholeheartedly agree.”

“Do you live with your parents?”

“Yeah,” she replied, but her voice was weak now. So, he decided not to ask anything about them.

“How had your discussion with Soumen gone? Did he like the idea of taking a break? Or did you have to force him to?” she asked next.

“He wouldn’t have told me himself. But when I suggested it, he lapped it up.”

She smiled weakly.

“Does that worry you?” he asked.

“For my job? No. I have your assurance.”

“For him?”

“I don’t know. I hope it does him good.”

“I hope so too.”

“I should get going now,” she said as they had finished eating, “I will speak to my friend. But whosoever he recommends, I think someone other than me must interview them before hiring. Who should it be?”

“I will do it.”

“Your calendar is full–”

“You talk to him. I will figure out how to fit it in.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

—

Mrinal came to her with the invitation. “Boss is throwing a party for his staff. It’s a yearly ritual.”

“Oh! That sounds great.” Was she included in his staff? Well perhaps, he had decided to extend it to his brother’s staff and she was the only member there!

“Is it very formal?” she asked.

“Oh no! You can’t expect him to hire a DJ, but it is super informal. You can attend it like you would attend a friend’s party.”

“That’s a relief.”

Mrinal grinned at her.

Soumen was back. He seemed to have benefitted from his break, and he was attending the party too. Although she knew everyone else present there because she had interacted with them on Soumen’s behalf at some point of time or the other, she had been afraid of feeling awkward there. Soumen’s presence, however, gave her confidence. Nobody seemed puzzled to see her there. She managed to mingle well. So, it was a little surprising when at one point of time she found herself alone with Siddhartha. He wasn’t exactly drunk, but his tongue did seem more loose than usual, as he repeatedly asked her if she was enjoying, and if she had had something to eat.

“And is my brother behaving well since his return?”

“Yes, Sir. He never misbehaved with me anyway. But now, he seems to be able to focus on work too.”

“That’s good. That’s good. By the way, let me ask you something. Do you enjoy this job?”

She smiled uncertainly, then said, “I suppose so. Why do you ask?”

“I am not evaluating you. Don’t worry. I really am just having a conversation here.”

“Do you enjoy your job?” That was the best she could think of to deflect him.

He laughed, “You are clever, aren’t you? But I will answer that. Truth be told, sometimes I feel bored, annoyed, fed up. I started running the company because I had decided that as soon as I can, I will relieve Baba of the responsibility. But if that hadn’t been my overriding concern, I might have wanted to do something else.”

“Like what?”

“No, no, no, no. You don’t get all my answers without giving some of yours. I think it’s a given that if you were really choosing a job – let’s say when you had graduated – you wouldn’t have thought of this one. What would you have done if you had a choice back then?”

She thought for a moment and then said, “I think I would have liked to do a post-graduation and then take up teaching.”

He looked at her for a long minute, and she perforce averted her eyes. Then she heard him say, in a low voice, “Me too!”

—

To be continued

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” Siddhartha was at least partly guilty as charged, and he knew it. But he didn’t think his confession would undo the offense. He decided to go the way of acknowledgement without confession and an unconditional apology, “More like, my brother is known to be a lady killer of sorts. But my question came out wrong and I apologize. You don’t love him, I suppose.” Later he would wonder why he was engaging in this chit-chat with her. Was he hoping to intervene on his brother’s behalf? Or was he grabbing on to a rare opportunity of getting to know her?

“I don’t know what love is,” Karishma replied, not wanting to hold onto the offense, and implicitly accepting his apology, “But I can’t depend on him.”

He smiled, “You don’t know what love is? Surely you love your daughter?”

She bit her lips, then said slowly, “I don’t know. But she should always be able to depend on me. And I will do whatever it takes to ensure that. Soumen, understandably, wants to do nothing with me now. But I need this job and I would do–”

“You have your job, Karishma. You can stop worrying about that.”

She inhaled sharply and Siddhartha could almost see tension easing out of her body.

“Thank you,” she was almost choking, “But Soumen?”

“Do you want to continue in the same role?”

“I will do whatever–”

“Whatever I ask you to do. I know that. But are you comfortable with it?”

“I didn’t believe even for a moment that he knew what he was saying. So, I have no difficulties in forgetting that he ever said anything like that.”

That was rather savage towards his brother’s feelings. But instead of feeling bad for Soumen, Siddhartha found himself appreciating Karishma’s clear-headedness.

“At least you don’t hate him.”

She smiled at that, “No. I don’t hate him. In fact, contrary to what I had expected in the beginning, I am quite fond of him. Just not– He is impulsive, young. He is like a younger brother to me.”

It was Siddhartha’s turn to be amused, “You seem to forget that he is the same age as you.”

Karishma flushed, “Of course. I– I am talking more than I should. I apologize.”

He laughed, then said, “I will talk to him. If he is stupid enough to not want you as his assistant, there isn’t any dearth of work in this company for someone who is willing to do it.”

She nodded and averted her eyes. Siddhartha surmised that she had tears in them. He shouldn’t detain her any longer. Because he was feeling a strong urge to hold her in his arms and reassure her that everything will be all right.

“You should take the day off today. You are overwhelmed. Those red eyes tell me you haven’t slept well and it has barely been a week since you recovered from viral. Let me talk to Soumen and we regroup tomorrow. Is that alright?”

She nodded and left with her daughter in tow. But going back home early was of no use. She decided to take Kirti on a day outing instead.

—

“Are you so heartbroken that you don’t intend to come back to work?” Siddhartha had cleared out his afternoon and had gone home hoping to catch his brother there. Soumen was standing in the balcony of his bedroom, looking out into the garden, his expressions blank, a few empty beer bottles strewn about the place and another half-filled one in his hand.

“You know?”

“Karishma was worried about her job. She came to see me.”

“That’s all she cares for. Her fu***ng job.”

“She needs it to take care of her child and to support herself. She should have married you just for money, Sonu. She didn’t. I think you should respect that. She is honest.”

“You are right. And you were also right that she is not my type. She is more your type.”

“What does that mean?” Siddhartha asked sharply.

“I am kidding, Dada. Just that she keeps worrying about things and feeling responsible for them just like you do.”

Siddhartha let out a sigh and came to the point that mattered to Karishma, “Do you have a problem in keeping her on as your assistant?”

“I hadn’t thought about that.”

And that was all Karishma had been thinking about, Siddhartha thought. He stayed silent to allow Soumen to make up his own mind.

“Well, you gave her the job.” Soumen said at last.

“I can give her another one. She has more than proven her worth. But she is good for you. So, I would like her to continue assisting you. But that will work only if you are going to be okay with it.”

“I will be okay, Dada. This entire episode was stupid. I am going to forget about this.”

“Good!”

—

But Soumen was not okay. Siddhartha couldn’t ignore his brother’s moroseness. And his absentmindedness at work. Karishma was, again, bearing disproportionate share of his work.

“How are things going with you?” he asked, finding her alone in the office one evening.

“With me?” she seemed confued by the question, “Everything is fine.”

“I meant with you and Soumen. Or rather between you.”

She gulped hard, “Everything is fine, really. A few things have been delayed, but I – we – are working on catching up. These marketing plans have to be reviewed–”

“Karishma!” he sounded tired, “Stop being so defensive all the time, please.”

She fell silent.

“Look Karishma. I have not come here to demand anything from you. Rather I have some responsibilities. And–” here his voice became dim, “I am asking for your help in discharging them.”

She felt concerned now, “What is bothering you so much?”

“First is this. Tell me very, very honestly, how is Soumen’s behavior towards you. Because if there is anything even slightly inappropriate, in the context of workplace that quickly becomes harassment. And–” What on earth was he doing? Karishma was too terrified of losing her job to think of something like that. Why would he give her ideas? The reason, he acknowledged, was that he had come to put immense trust in this woman. He could reveal his vulnerabilities to her without being taken advantage of.

“Sir,” she interrupted him, “Soumen has been nothing but cordial towards me. You do not have to worry about that. And I assure you that if there is ever a problem, I will come to you first. I won’t go about complaining of harassment. I know that I don’t need to.”

“Thank you,” he said. His trust in her was not misplaced. Now he could be even more vulnerable in front of her. “My second worry is what is going on with my brother. This is partly professional, but largely personal. It seems like he is not doing fine. And at least at work, you would know about it better than I would. So, once again, I need you to tell me honestly, how is he doing? Don’t defend him, if he isn’t doing alright. But if I am worrying unnecessarily, you can tell me that too.”

She looked at him for a long moment; then finally said, “He is not doing well. I’m sorry about this. I don’t know what to do to fix it. He is always nice to me, like I said. So, I have no complaints there. But he himself isn’t doing that well.”

Siddhartha nodded in understanding. His fears were confirmed. For a while they both sat in silence.

“Do you think,” she spoke finally, “that I shouldn’t continue in this role?”

“I don’t know if that is the right thing to do or if it would even help. Besides, I don’t want to impose that decision on him or you. If either of you tells me that that’s what should be done, I will do it. But I really don’t want that to be my decision. So, I am giving you an opportunity now, do you think that’s what should be done?”

“I am not the one suffering, Sir. It really should be Soumen’s decision. What I can assure you is that I won’t take it otherwise and if you give me some time and trust, I will find my footing in whatever other role you decide for me.”

He smiled slightly, “I am sure you will.” Then he stood up to leave, “Thank you, Karishma. I will speak to him and then see how it goes.” Sensing a sign on worry on her face, he added, “Don’t worry. I am not going to tell him that you complained.” She chuckled at that. He had hit the nail on the head. By now, she expected him to.

“Sir!” she stopped him when he was at the door.

“Yes?”

“You may already know this. He had planned a Europe trip with his friends a while back. But since then he had decided against going because of work. If you think it will help him to take a break, perhaps…”

“I knew but had forgotten about his plans. Thanks for reminding me. It may be the thing to do.”

—

To be continued