Mish' Fiction

“Hold on, hold on. Isn’t that ring new, Dr. Banerjee? Are you engaged?” Meher exclaimed. Rupali was having lunch with her and some female faculty members. She hadn’t thought about the ring being noticed at all and was caught unawares.

“Really?” Everybody’s interest was piqued at the table, as they leaned towards her to take a good look at the ring.

“Indeed! I don’t remember you wearing this earlier. You are engaged?”

“Umm… Well… Yeah…” Rupali fumbled.

“That’s not fair. We weren’t even invited.”

“Yeah. It just… happened… suddenly…”

“Who is the guy?” Some other faculty members had also heard the commotion over the ring and had come to the table.

“Umm… You will meet him soon,” she said and got up from the table, “I need to go.”

She heard someone mumble, “I am wondering. Is it Dr. Khanna?”

“Dr. Khanna? Are you crazy?”

“They are often seen together.”

“Yes. But he is a helpful sort of a person. They are no match for each other. She is much younger to him. I mean, come on, he has taught her.”

“And he is the most gentlemanly soul I have ever seen. This is impossible.”

—

“What happened?” Paritosh asked when Rupali walked into his office and sat down on the visitor’s chair with a sigh.

“The ring. Everyone is noticing it. And asking questions.”

“Oh! Look, Rupali. It’s nothing. If you are not comfortable telling people, you can take it off.”

“Of course not! What is the meaning of suggesting that?” Rupali looked scandalized at the idea.

“Calm down. I was just trying to be practical. What do you think? Should we tell people?”

“I don’t know. Not right now. I don’t want to draw unnecessary attention. Life is fairly muddled up, as it is.”

“They have to know sooner or later.”

“Yes. But–”

“Tell me, Rupali.”

“It’s complicated, right? You are my boss. I don’t know how they will take it. Especially given that I am new here. All kinds of questions will come up and too much of scrutiny. Issues of favoritism. I am sorry. Don’t get me wrong, but I think right now I am not up for dealing with it all.”

“I understand, Rupali. Don’t worry. Let’s be discreet at work then. After a while, once you have established yourself here, we will rethink this.”

“Thanks. And it seems people won’t even believe it is you,” she chuckled.

“What was that?”

She narrated what she had overheard in the canteen. Paritosh, too, was amused, “Now that wasn’t a problem I had anticipated.”

“I think it is good for now. Keeps us off the hook.”

“I guess so.”

“And in front of others, I will continue calling you Sir or Dr. Khanna.”

“Okay Ma’am,” Paritosh sighed with a smile.

—

“I have to buy a new phone,” Rupali said when they came out of the hospital after meeting Mouli.

“What’s wrong with your phone? It seems all right.”

“All right? It’s, like, seriously outdated. Who uses these anymore?”

“Okay. You want to go now?”

“You will come with me?”

“Why not?”

“That’s great. Let’s go.”

“I used to have an iPhone in the US. I loved it, but it was not unlocked. So, I left it there itself. I have an Android phone. It’s good, but not the same. I want to buy an iPhone again.”

“Most of it is Greek to me, Rupali. You buy whatever you want and I will praise it, I promise.”

“Come on!”

“Seriously. Phone is there to call people up. All you need are those number buttons.”

“You should use an iPhone once. Then you won’t say this again.”

“I doubt, but let’s get you a phone for now,” he pulled over in front of the shop they were to visit.

“I like this one,” Rupali picked up a sample piece displayed in front of her, “Let’s buy one for you too.”

“55,000 for a phone, Rupali? Are you crazy? You buy it. Leave me alone.”

“Please. It’s a gift.”

“No. Just buy your phone; and then we are leaving,” Paritosh was firm and Rupali could not insist after that.

—

“You are angry?” Paritosh noticed that Rupali was quiet during their drive back from the shop.

“No,” she replied without looking at him.

“Do you know you look really cute when you are angry and pretend not to be?”

“These clichés do not suit you.”

Paritosh sighed, “I am sorry, Rupali. But trust me; I would not have used the phone you would have so lovingly gifted. That would make neither of us happy, right?”

She nodded, still looking grumpy.

“Okay. Listen. You get me another gift. Anything you want and I would happily accept it. Promise! Now, please give me a smile.”

Rupali pouted as if she is not satisfied, but is letting him go. Paritosh smiled and then she smiled back, “I can’t remain angry with you for long. You are taking advantage of that.”

—

“And how is Aditya?” Rupali asked Sunidhi. They were meeting at their favorite coffee shop.

“I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

“We don’t meet any longer.”

“Why? I thought it was going well.”

“I had started thinking so too.”

“Then? He broke up? Just like that?”

“To be fair to him Rupali, we were not really together. So, there was no breaking up involved.”

“But something changed? What happened?”

“He found a long-lost sister,” Sunidhi sounded bitter, “A cousin actually, whom he hadn’t met in several years. She had some issues, some mental health issues. And she has been in a mental health facility for a while.” Sunidhi did not notice Rupali’s shocked expressions or pale face as she continued, “Apparently her marriage did not work out. After meeting her several times, he was not sure he wants to get into that. He thought I needed to move on and the only way to do so was if we stopped meeting.”

“Have you met his sister? Did he tell you more about her?”

“Nope. What I told you is all I know.”

“And do you agree with his decision?”

“How does that matter, Rupali?”

“How can it not? If you don’t agree, won’t you like to convince him otherwise?”

“Rupali. Nobody has seen the future. I can’t be sure that nothing will go wrong. All I can say is that I am still ready to commit to my love. But relationships don’t work with only one person trying, do they? If he is not confident, if he doesn’t want to commit, then the entire responsibility of making the relationship work will be on my shoulders. It will not be healthy.”

“Sunidhi. I am so, so sorry to hear this. I don’t know–”

“So am I, Rupali,” Sunidhi on the verge of breaking down and it wasn’t a usual occurrence. Rupali pressed her friend’s hand and tears started flowing, “I kept saying that I didn’t expect anything from this. I just wanted him to get better. And I didn’t want anything else.  But… he had given me hope, Rupali. In recent weeks, it had all been so encouraging… It just isn’t fair…”

“I know.” Rupali hugged Sunidhi and did not say anything to her. But there was a storm brewing inside her. Things were messed up and they were so connected. Aditya hadn’t told Sunidhi that Amrit was Paritosh’ wife. Even though he had accepted that Paritosh couldn’t have done anything better for his sister, he could not come to terms with her broken marriage. Did Rupali or her relationship with Paritosh become the reason for her best friend’s heartbreak? Especially after he witnessed their engagement? How would she live with that horrible feeling? Should she confess everything to Sunidhi? Even if she did, how would it help her? Should she talk to Aditya? But why would he listen to her? Talking to Paritosh would be futile. There was nothing he could do and he was prone to start feeling responsible. What should she do? She tossed and turned in her bed all night.

—

To be continued

“You reviewed the presentation for the sponsors?” Rupali came to Paritosh’ office and asked.

“I glanced through it. I will send you the comments by this evening. Rohan won’t stay even to finish his one-year contract?”

“No. I feel horrible, Dr. Khanna. It was really a professional decision for me to hire him. But he isn’t willing to stay on professional grounds. I don’t know what to do.”

“His situation is awkward. He should have behaved more professionally, but don’t hold a grudge him. And don’t worry. We’ll be able to get some help. I have spoken to some of the leading statisticians of the country.”

She smiled at him in gratitude.

“You look really tired,” he asked, “What happened?”

“Nothing. Was preparing for the extra lectures. I think I would be able to finish the syllabus by next week. I have also finished grading the mid-semester papers.” She wanted to be prepared for the eventuality that the worst news might come for Mouli and she’d have to go on a leave before the semester was over.

“You shouldn’t fall ill–”

“I am fine. I am going to leave early today. I will have another meeting with the research team to go over the final presentation tomorrow. Which reminds me of something. After the last meeting you had asked me about my students calling me by first name. What was the problem?”

“Problem is, Dr. Banerjee, that I am jealous.”

“Huh?”

“Because even my ex-students do not give me that privilege.”

“What privilege? Oh!” she smiled as his meaning dawned on her, “So you suddenly got this urge of being called by your first name by your ex-students?”

“At least by one.”

“Too late, Sir. You have to cultivate that habit from day one.”

“There has to be a way of undoing things.”

“If there is, find it,” she teased him with a challenging smile and left.

—

“Hello, Sir?” Rupali woke up from her sleep with Paritosh’ call. She had come home early, as she had told him that evening, and had gone to sleep.

“Sorry to wake you up, Rupali, but you might want to come to the hospital.”

“What happened?” she panicked.

“Ma is conscious. She is even able to talk a bit. Come over.”

“I will be there in twenty minutes.”

Rupali found Sunidhi and Aditya also at the hospital. Sunidhi and Paritosh were sitting beside Mouli’s bed and were talking to her. Rupali smiled and went by her side.

“Rupa,” Mouli smiled on seeing her.

“You look well, Mom,” Rupali smiled back and caressed her forehead affectionately.”

“Are you doing well, my child?”

“I am perfectly fine. Don’t stress yourself. And Aditya,” she turned to him, “How are you?”

“I am fine, Rupali. I and Sunidhi were passing by. So, we decided to drop by.”

“Good you did that.”

“And since so many people are here today and everyone is so happy, I want to do something that will make me very happy too,” Paritosh said suddenly.

Rupali was amused at the announcement, “Good to know that you think about your own happiness too. So, what is going to make you happy?”

“If, with your Mom’s permission, you will say ‘yes’ to me,” he said and took out a ring from his pocket. Rupali stared at him and the ring in surprise. He took her hand in his and asked, “May I?”

Her eyes became moist. She looked at Mouli, who smiled. Rupali turned back to Paritosh and nodded while blushing heavily. Paritosh slipped the ring on her finger. Sunidhi and Aditya clapped and handed a bouquet to Rupali, “Congratulations!”

“Where did this come from?” Rupali was surprised. Sunidhi, Aditya and Paritosh grinned in response. “You planned all this?” she asked Paritosh.

“Kind of. I had to do it some time. But when I saw that Ma was awake today, I thought this was the day. Thankfully, Sunidhi and Aditya could make it in time.”

“Thank you, Paritosh,” Mouli spoke now, “You can’t imagine how happy I am today.”

“Thank you,” Paritosh replied emphatically, “But for you, I would still be struggling with my confusions and insecurities.”

“What else are old people there for?”

Everybody laughed and Paritosh felt good that Mouli hadn’t lost her sense of humor even in her illness.

—

Paritosh kissed her hand near the ring he had slipped on her finger earlier in the evening. “Do you know what this means, Rupali?”

“I think I do. Everyone does. But perhaps you have a new meaning in mind.”

“No. Nothing new. By accepting this ring, you accepted to be my life partner. As my equal. And that is important!”

“Why?”

“Because this new relationship, of being equal partners, now supersedes any relationship we have had till now. Anything that made us unequal, teacher-student, boss-subordinate, mentor-mentee, they don’t matter any longer. This relationship is what matters.”

Rupali realized where this was leading to, “So, you have found a way of undoing things?”

“Have I succeeded?”

“I don’t know what am I supposed to do as an equal partner,” Rupali said sincerely, “You must know that I respect you a lot and still look up to you.”

“So do I. Mutual respect is a good thing for any relationship, don’t you think so?”

“Yeah,” Rupali chuckled feeling slightly stupid about what she had said, “And I want to share your responsibilities.”

“You are already are doing that. There is just one simple thing I want you to do.”

“I know. But you do realize that it is more a matter of habit, than equality.”

“Undo the habit!”

“I will try.”

“Trying is not enough. You have to do it.”

“All right, Sir,” Rupali said to tease him and then giggled.

“That was a bad idea, Dr. Rupali Banerjee,” he held her tight and pulled her close to him, “Now rectify it, right away.”

Rupali blushed and said, “Paritosh.”

“Say it again.”

“Paritosh.”

“Again.”

“Paritosh.”

He had closed in on her by then and rest of their words drowned in their kiss.

“This is the night of engagement, not the wedding, do you remember that?” Rupali said playfully, when even after breaking the kiss, he kept caressing her nape and back.

“I remember. But do you care?”

“No. Do you?”

“Not any longer. You have bewitched me, my sweet, dear fiancée,” he said and started kissing all over her face. Rupali responded with gusto as she nuzzled and nibbled on his neck and chest. She gasped, when he suddenly lifted her in his arms. She hadn’t realized how strong he was compared to her. Once she did, she relaxed, wrapped her hands around his neck and closed her eyes. He gently laid her down on the bed and climbed on top of her. He pinned her down and started a sweet assault on her senses as he kissed and caressed her entire body. Soon, she was writhing under him. “Please,” she hissed, “Paritosh. Please…” Hearing her utter his name did it for him as he let go of himself and finally collapsed on top of her. It took them a few minutes to catch their breath, after which he rolled off to lie down on the bed beside her, still keeping her in his arms. He pulled her closer to himself. After a while, he propped up on his arm and used his free hand to play with her hair. “Are you fine?” he asked softly.

“Very,” she replied with a blushing smile. He bent down, kissed her forehead and then lied back on the bed again.

—

To be continued

“No. But hearing it from you made me feel that whatever ‘heroic’ deeds I have done,” he made a gesture with his hands to put heroic in quotes, “have been worth it.” His penetrating eyes, as he said that, made Rupali blush heavily. “All right,” she said. She tip-toed and planted a quick kiss on his lips. Then she ran away from him, but he quickly caught her.

“That was your way of saying that I am your hero?” he asked.

She just giggled in reply.

“Then let’s say it out loud and clear,” he said and attacked her lips furiously. She had to step back, when she ran out of breath.

“I may not be able to stop, Rupali,” how helpless he sounded.

“You don’t have to.”

His hands found the rubber band holding her hair in a low ponytail and he took it out. He didn’t realize that some hair also came off with it and it hurt Rupali a bit, but she did not make a sound, not wanting to spoil the moment.

“I love it when your hair is open,” he whispered, “Will you keep them open when you are with me?”

She nodded.

His hands dug into her hair and caressed her nape. She gulped hard and her hands moved to his chest. She started opening the buttons of his shirt, as he slipped her top slightly off her shoulder and nibbled at her bare skin. He stepped back to check her reaction and encouraged by what he saw, he pulled her in a bone-crushing hug. His hands slipped under her top and he caressed her back roughly. She also followed the suit. Her eyes were closed and she didn’t open them even as he guided her to the bed. He got on top of her and nibbled on her ears one by one making her moan loudly.

Just then they were interrupted by a loud knock on her door, “Ma’am, please come with me quickly.” It was the nurse on duty with Mouli. Rupali and Paritosh panicked. Was something wrong? They quickly straightened up their dresses and rushed to open the door.

“What happened?”

“She was having troubles breathing. I have given her the emergency oxygen that was available here. I called the doctor. He said she might need continuous life support now. So, she should be shifted to the hospital.”

“Call the ambulance,” Paritosh said.

“I already have. It will be here any moment. You should also get ready.”

—

“We need to talk,” the doctor told Paritosh after they had settled Mouli in the hospital room with life support system.

“Yeah,” Paritosh said that made to go outside the room.

“I will come too,” Rupali said.

“Are you sure?” Paritosh was not sure she will be able to bear the doctor saying what they expected him to say.

“Yes,” she was determined.

Doctor’s information was expected. She would need continuous life support till she lasted. But one could not say how long even that would help her. It might be few days, or few weeks; in rare cases, a few months. They must embrace themselves for the eventuality. They couldn’t and shouldn’t plan to stay in the hospital all the time. It won’t be feasible. But they should try to spend time with her when she was conscious. And any relatives or friends who expected to visit her in her last days should be informed now.

Paritosh looked at Rupali. She wasn’t breaking down. That was a relief. But he felt exhausted. He sighed and sat down on a bench nearby.

“Tired?” she placed her hand on his shoulders and asked.

“How are you?” he asked instead of replying.

“I have accepted life. I hold no grudges against it.”

He smiled weakly at her.

“What is it?” she asked sensing that he was anxious.

“Nothing. Looks like our roles have reversed.”

“And it is fine. One person cannot shoulder all the responsibilities all the time.”

“You suddenly sound so grown up.”

“May be I have grown up.”

“Forced to grow up?”

“Inspired to. But you still haven’t told me. What is bugging you?”

“Let me drop you home. Ma is sleeping. We will come back in the morning.”

“What is it?” she asked adamantly.

“Rupali!” Paritosh was irritated.

She didn’t want to irritate him, so capitulated, “I am sorry. Let’s go.”

But she also showed her annoyance through their drive back. She did not speak to him and if forced to reply, she did so in monosyllables. She made to get out of the car as soon as they pulled over in front of her home and didn’t even wish him a good night.

“Wait Rupali,” he pulled her back to her seat, “Don’t leave in anger.”

She didn’t reply. So, he said, “Let’s go inside and talk.”

—

“Why are you so angry?” he asked her once they were inside.

“Won’t you be if I did the same to you?”

He sighed, “Yes. But you are already going through so much.”

“Then don’t make me go through more by hiding your problems from me. It’s not like you can really lie and hide.”

“It’s not a problem Rupali. Just a nagging thought, guilt…”

“Guilt?”

“I… I had thought we would wait. But I got carried away. We were here, lost in our own world and there she needed oxygen. You should have been there. We should have been there. It was like I pulled you away from her when…”

“You are so hard on yourself. Way too hard. Let go.”

“May be… I just… I don’t know. I felt guilty.”

She went forward and held his hands, “At least remember this. Whatever we do, we do it together. You are not responsible for anything alone. Okay?”

He smiled and nodded.

“You have taken it all on yourself for far too long. But now I am there to share your responsibilities.”

“It feels good,” Paritosh said after a few moments of silence.

“You know something. The nurses on duty often send me away when I sit with Mom and she is not conscious. They say my presence will disturb her sleep. I don’t know if that’s indeed the case or that’s just an excuse. May be they do it so that I don’t get depressed sitting there all the time. May be that’s why the doctor asked us not to be in the hospital all the time. May be its not her they are protecting, but us. But there is no way of knowing. If we weep for the dead, does it hurt them because their loved ones are in grief? Or would they feel unloved, if we didn’t weep. If we sit there at Mom’s bed side all the time, would she like it or would she feel bad that we are depressed because of her? We don’t know. We will never know. There are times when people who should be answering the questions are not there to answer them. So, we just have to accept these unanswerable questions, just like we have to accept life. And we have to almost randomly pick our choices. I am trying to be strong, to not break down. I know that’s what she wanted me to do, at least till she was able to express herself. I don’t know what she wants now. No. I can’t become detached. I will keep her alive with the life support, so long as it is possible. I won’t let her go even though it might mean that she suffers for longer. And I know I will cry when she is gone. I will cry so much that you will worry about me. Still I am trying to be strong, to be normal. And you have worked so hard to help me reach here. You should not break down now. Please. Don’t beat yourself up. We can’t do anything for her. Really, we can’t. I have realized and accepted it. But we do have to hold ourselves together.”

“Your Mom would be so proud of you today Rupali.”

“I hope so,” she said blinking back her tears.

“I should leave now.”

“Don’t go. Mom is not here tonight. I am alone.”

“Rupali?”

“And I am scared. Despite all the… brave talk.”

“It’s all right. I will be in the guest room. It’s not appropriate–”

“That’s fine.”

“Good night, Rupali.”

“Good night.”

—

To be continued

But they could not meet her after going back. She had a seizure and had to be sedated. The doctor was with her. They waited for the doctor to come out.

“Prof. Khanna,” the doctor shook hands with him and was surprised to see Aditya there, “Aditya?”

“He is Amrit’s cousin.”

“Cousin? How come you never came for her earlier? If I remember correctly, nobody other than you has ever visited her, Prof. Khanna.”

“I didn’t know she was here. She is from my real father’s side and she is the cousin I had told you about.”

“Oh!” Dr. Sondhi figured out the connection.

“Her parents never visited her?” Aditya asked Paritosh surprised.

“No,” Paritosh replied looking sad.

“I am sorry, Prof. Khanna. I have to rush back to the OPD now. Aditya, remind me about this when you come for your next session,” the doctor said.

“Yes, doctor.”

“I am sorry, Aditya,” Paritosh said after the doctor left, “You could not meet her today. Unfortunately, we have to rush back now; Rupali’s Mom is not well. But I come here every Sunday. If you want, you can come next week with me.”

“Sure, I would like to do that.”

“I would try to get your name on the approved visitor’s list so that you are not dependent on me. But it is better that the first time you meet her, it’s with me. Also, these processes take time.”

“I understand.”

Rupali and Paritosh parted ways from Aditya in the parking lot.

“Give me a minute,” Rupali told Paritosh and went after Aditya.

“Aditya, I wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

“Sure.”

“About your sister and Dr. Khanna–”

“You don’t need to explain Rupali.”

“Not for my sake, but for his, Aditya. Please listen to me. You probably hold a grudge against him. But trust me; he has always been nice to her. She herself says he has the heart of gold. Keeping her here, instead of at home was necessary for her own safety. With her seizures–”

“I understand Rupali. I have to go now. Bye.”

Rupali was disappointed. Aditya did not see the point.

“What were you talking to him about?” Paritosh asked her when she got back.

“Nothing. Just making sure he wasn’t upset.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yes, I think.”

Paritosh looked at her searchingly, but did not say anything and they drove away.

—

“How does it look?” Rupali asked when Paritosh finished reading the draft paper she had given to him.

“Looks great. I can’t believe our good professors have written it,” Paritosh remarked on the language.

“Well. I did a lot of editing,” Rupali laughed pleasantly, “But the content of the paper is not mine. What do you think? At the current rate, we are going to win our challenge.”

“I think so. And looking at all these papers your group is producing, you will make a great advisor. We should seriously think about strengthening our Ph. D. programme.”

“That would be a great. It is a long shot though.”

“You, Rupali, are no longer allowed to call anything a ‘long shot’ now. What you have been able to do till now, even motivating your colleagues to this extent, had always sounded a long shot in this system.”

“They would be easily demotivated, if the papers don’t come out. This is no achievement.”

“I know. But don’t worry. We will make it happen.”

“So, are you motivated as well?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course not, Sir.” Rupali smiled.

“By the way, Dr. Banerjee, I hear that your students call you by your first name.”

“Yeah. So? Does the director have a problem with that too, now?”

“No. Not the director–”

They were interrupted by Rupali’s phone ringing.

“It’s Aditya,” she said and picked it up, “Hi Aditya.”

“Rupali. I am in your institute. Could I meet you and Dr. Khanna for a while?”

“Yeah. Sure. Where are you?”

“At your department’s entrance.”

“I will inform the security. They will escort you here. Dr. Khanna is also here.”

“Okay. Thanks, Rupali.”

“Aditya wants to meet us,” she informed Paritosh and then called the security.

—

“I just wanted to thank you, Dr. Khanna,” Aditya spoke to Paritosh after exchanging preliminary greetings, “And also say sorry.”

“What for? I don’t think either of those is warranted.” Paritosh replied.

“I spoke to the doctor and… Rupali, what you had told me at the hospital was right. Dr. Khanna, you have done so much for my sister, when you could just have left her to her devices. You were deceived into this marriage and still–”

“Aditya. It wasn’t her fault. How could I–”

“Not many people would take it this way. You have helped me too. You are a hero for our family, I think,” Aditya smiled as he said that.

“A very accidental hero I am then,” Paritosh also smiled, “Anyone in my place would have done the same.”

“You are humble too. So, I won’t press it further. Do forgive me if I was rude yesterday. Even if expected, it wasn’t a comforting news that my sister was in the mental health facility–”

“Aditya. I understand. Trust me,” Paritosh cut his apology short, “Come on now. All is well. Let’s get some coffee in the canteen. What do you say?”

“Sure.”

—

“So, you had gone to Aditya in the parking lot to explain, right?” Paritosh asked Rupali later in the evening. They were at her home.

“You know it now.”

“I already knew it.”

“I didn’t like it that he thought you had abandoned her.”

“Yes. But you know what, Rupali, if someone decides to hold a grudge against something, somebody, you cannot really talk them out of it. The acceptance, or forgiveness, whatever is required has to come from within them. So, he didn’t see your point until he had verified for himself.”

“You read through his mind? And mine?”

“I just have been there myself. I have held grudges, against people, against life. Nobody could help me then. It was the acceptance that finally gave me some peace.”

“You are a saint or what?”

Paritosh was amused, “Explain!”

“You have always done right by everybody. You never went against your parents. You don’t have any complaints against Amrit ji, because the deceit was not her fault. But it does not look like you have anything against her family either. You cared for everyone your entire life, accepted your responsibilities even if there was no love to motivate you. You have never hurt anyone, even when they deserved it. And after all this, when someone misunderstands you, you don’t feel the need to correct them. You don’t get angry? What is this? How do you do this?”

“I wish that were true.”

“What is not true in this?”

“While trying to do right by everyone else, I ended up hurting that one person I really loved.”

“Who?”

Paritosh looked at her intently for a few seconds before replying, “You Rupali. Who else?”

“Me?”

“And the worst part is that in all these years, I hadn’t even realized how much–”

“Shut up, will you?” Rupali interrupted, “You are still bothered about that? I don’t even think of it now. It was my childishness. It wasn’t your figment of imagination. I was indeed pushing myself on you. I used to be around you to get your approval, making things more difficult for you. It wasn’t your fault. Plus, in trying to push me away, you were trying to do right by me, weren’t you?”

“But–”

“No. Listen to me. The only thing you need to remember with respect to me is that… that… you are my hero. It’s okay, if you don’t believe it when someone else says it. But you must believe it, when I say it. Tell me, you believe me. Tell me, please.”

“I believe you. Of course, I believe you.”

“And if you had ever hurt me, if that childish willfulness can even be called a hurt, you have more than made up for it. I don’t ever want you to think about it.”

“Calm down, Rupali. With you getting worked up like this, do I have an option but to stop thinking about it just like you want?”

Rupali suddenly felt embarrassed about her outburst. “I am sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“But say that hero thing again.”

“Why? You don’t believe me.”

—

To be continued

“I am going to have to use your bathroom and take a shower,” Paritosh told Rupali after Sunidhi had left, “There was some problem in water supply in the campus today. And without a shower I am feeling like zombie right now.”

“Sure. I will just wash my face and then you can use the bathroom. You look so tired.”

“Don’t worry. I am not that tired. Take your time.”

“In that case, I will take a quick shower myself. I am feeling exhausted.” The emotional roller-caster became too much for her sometimes.

“Okay,” Paritosh said and made himself comfortable on her bed.

—

Paritosh was looking at a book lying on the table when Rupali came out of the shower. She was still patting her face dry with a towel, when she told Paritosh, “You can go, Sir.”

“Yeah,” he turned towards her and was stunned for a moment. Her fresh from shower look and wet, uncombed hair made his heart skip a beat. She didn’t notice her effect on him. She hung the towel from a hook on the wall and went towards the dresser. She picked up a comb, but was startled by Paritosh holding her hand and stopping her from continuing.

She looked at him surprised.

“Don’t!” he said softly.

“Sir?” she didn’t understand him.

“Don’t touch your hair. Don’t do anything. Just stay as you are. I will be back.”

Rupali gulped hard as he picked up his clothes and went to the bathroom.

She had actually not done anything when he came out. She was sitting in front of the dresser just as he had left her. He stood behind her and caressed her shoulders. She fidgeted and got up. He leaned in and smelled her wet hair. It drove both of them wild as she turned around and hid her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms tight around her and roughly ran his fingers through her wet, uncombed hair. She involuntarily kissed him on his chest and he lost his control. He broke the hug, cupped her face and attacked her lips fiercely. Both were panting heavily when they broke the kiss. He appeared slightly satiated and more in control after that.

“You drive me mad, do you know that?” he said holding her close.

“As if you leave me alone. I had started thinking you would never give in.”

“Really? That was bothering you? Not that you tried to seduce me ever.”

“How could I? I was so scared of you…”

“Scared? You? Of me?” Paritosh laughed slightly, “Rupali Banerjee! When exactly did that happen? And what were you scared for?”

“That you would be angry, if I tried to…”

“Tried to?” Paritosh felt like teasing her.

“Nothing. Let me go.”

“No way. Never.”

“It’s almost dinner time. You would be hungry. Food is ready.”

“I am indeed very hungry. But I guess I shouldn’t overeat in one go,” he said meaningfully, gave her a quick peck on the lips and then let her go. Rupali felt almost disappointed, but she still found it difficult to take matters in her hand. Too much respect? She wondered!

—

“Amrit,” Paritosh tried to get her attention after the nurse showed them into her room. She was sitting on the bed with her knees folded and was facing the wall away from the door. Although Rupali had wanted to meet Amrit, and she had meant every word of it when she had appreciated him not abandoning her, she was dreading the moment when she would hear him call her name. What would it feel like? Would he call Amrit the same way that he called her? After all, she had been his wife, legally speaking, until quite recently.

But the moment just passed. Rupali did not feel anything extra-ordinary. The moment did not make her insecure. She smiled inwardly at her irrational fears and decided to confess it to him once they went back.

Amrit didn’t respond to him. He looked at Rupali and shrugged, “Like I had told you.”

“Let me try to talk to her,” Rupali said and started moving towards the bed, but Paritosh caught her hand and stopped her. He looked at the nurse.

The nurse understood his hesitation. “Don’t worry,” she said, “She is not violent.” Paritosh let Rupali go then.

“Amrit ji,” Rupali sat down beside her and touched her shoulder. Paritosh was terrified, but Amrit was calm, “Look who has come.”

Amrit turned around and looked at Paritosh, then back at Rupali. She smiled in recognition, as Paritosh moved closer to the bed.

“She is beautiful,” Amrit spoke coherently surprising Paritosh, “What is her name?”

“Rupali. My name is Rupali,” Rupali answered.

“Nice name. Are you a Bengali?”

Rupali laughed slightly, “By name – yes. But I have lived in Mumbai most of my life.”

“Then you must prefer eating fish. Do you know how to cook chicken?”

Rupali grinned, “I eat everything. I can cook nothing. But my cook certainly can. Do you like chicken more?”

“I don’t care. But he likes it. His mother had told me,” she said about Paritosh.

“Rupali works at my institute,” Paritosh offered an introduction and also changed the subject.

“You are also a professor?” Amrit looked impressed.

Rupali nodded.

“Very nice. You will keep him happy. And he will also keep you happy. He has the heart of gold.”

Rupali and Paritosh exchanged an uncomfortable glance. How did she know?

“I know,” Rupali replied with an embarrassed smile; then asked “I hope you are not mad at me.”

“Not at all. I am very happy. It was so nice of you to come to meet me. You should have come earlier.”

“I will keep coming to meet you now. Okay?”

Amrit smiled and nodded.

Nurse informed them that Amrit’s doctor was in OPD and if he wanted to talk to him, he could go there.

“Appointment?” Rupali wondered.

“After all these years, he has become more of a friend than a doctor, Rupali. There isn’t much we need to discuss about Amrit. This is more of a personal visit.”

“Okay.”

—

“That was miraculous, Rupali,” Paritosh exclaimed after the nurse had left them, “Your presence got her talking. You know some magic or what!”

“I have a theory.”

“Shoot!”

“Sometimes it might be genuine, but she probably pretended to not know you at other times you visited.”

“Why?”

“Her way of asking you to move on. I think.”

“Have you been watching too many melodramatic movies?”

Rupali laughed, “I don’t know. I just guessed. She did not respond to you earlier, but when she saw me, she started conversing normally.”

“May be.  Hey, isn’t that Aditya?”

“Where? Yes – that’s indeed him. What is he… Oh! He was under therapy. I think we should avoid him. He may not be comfortable.”

“Okay…”

But Aditya had also spotted them and he sought them out.

“Hi Rupali. Prof. Khanna, nice to meet you, although I am not sure why here?”

Paritosh smiled, “Which doctor are you seeing?”

“Dr. Sondhi.”

“You are in good hands, then. Rupali, Dr. Sondhi is Amrit’s doctor as well,” he informed her.

“Amrit?” Aditya was startled by the name.

“My ex-wife. Unfortunately–”

“Amrit Kapoor? I mean her maiden name?”

“Indeed. How do you know her?”

“This is… I don’t know what to say. She is my cousin.”

“What!” Rupali and Paritosh were shocked and surprised.

“I want to… meet her,” Aditya said.

“Right, Aditya. But you will understand that I would be more comfortable if we talked before that.”

“Yeah. Right. Let’s go somewhere we can talk comfortably.”

—

Aditya and Paritosh exchanged some more family details to confirm that they were indeed talking about the same person.

“She my cousin from my father’s side, my real father that is. We used to stay in the joint family. I was five years old when my father died and my mother remarried. Amrit was six years elder to me and I was her favorite. She was the only one from my father’s family who maintained contact with us even after we moved in with my step-father. She would write letters to me, even when I was too young to reply to them.  Her maternal grandparents stayed in the same city as ours. Whenever she visited them, she made it a point to visit us too. We would play together when I was younger and became good friends as we grew older. We had this connection. She was the only one who seemed to understand my problem, though I never really discussed it with her. Perhaps her own issues, her seizures, had made her sensitive. Then she got married and I left home for higher studies. I lost touch with her. I was, myself, running away from my past. Even the good people came associated with bad memories. So, I didn’t try to contact her. Only recently did I ask my mother about her and she told me that she was in Mumbai. She did not know anything else about her.”

Paritosh looked guilty, “I am sorry, Aditya, that you can’t meet her in better circumstances. I had tried my best to get her treated. But it was too late. She has been there in that facility for over eight years now. Let’s go back and you can meet her. Today she looked better and was at least talking. She would be happy, if you met her.”

Aditya just nodded and didn’t reply. Rupali sensed stiffness in Aditya’s body language. Perhaps he wasn’t too happy about the fact that her cousin was in the mental health facility. She wondered if he realized how hard Paritosh had tried to help her.

—

To be continued

“I have a no more than six months left, Paritosh,” Mouli said when Rupali was not there, “Doctors have told me. Rupali breaks down if I try to talk to her. So, I have to trouble you.”

“Even I don’t like it when you talk like this. But something is bothering you?”

“You are very perceptive, Paritosh,” Mouli smiled appreciatively, “Yes. I just don’t want to rant about the approaching death. I was wondering if you and Rupali have decided something about getting married.”

“We–” Paritosh started replying, but stopped, “Why do you ask?”

“You can guess. I would be at peace if I could see her settled with you.”

“I am not going anywhere.”

“I know, Paritosh. But probably this is an old woman’s whim. Is there anything stopping you from getting married?”

“Nothing really. But some things need time.”

“Like?”

“Rupali is… I don’t know why, but she feels weak. Probably she is still shaken about your illness; or her experiences in the US. She is not confident that she can handle her life.”

“I know and that’s why I want you to be there for her.”

“And I am there for her.  But she was not always like this. I remember her as a very confident and outgoing girl as a student.  I want to give her time, instead of overwhelming her with another big decision in her life. I don’t want her to marry me because she feels that she needs to. I want her to take the decision because she wants to.”

Mouli nodded, but looked thoughtful. Paritosh spoke again, “I know. I know that you feel that you are running out of time. And if this makes you anxious, I am ready to get married today, any day. If Rupali agrees, of course–”

“No. Don’t do that. You are right. I should not overwhelm her with my insecurities. She is not running out of time. I don’t want her to remember her wedding as something she had to do because her mother was dying. That won’t be a pleasant association.”

“Don’t talk like that, please.”

“Paritosh. I used to wonder what mistakes of my past life am I being punished for? That this illness should hit me at a time when my daughter needed me so much. But now I think I must have done something really good too. Because even when I am going away, I know she is going to be looked after by you.”

“That’s a huge complement you have given me, Ma. And I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to deserve it. Till I am alive, Rupali won’t be alone. Never!”

Rupali smiled, wiped her tears and quietly walked away from the door behind which she was standing, overhearing this conversation. She decided to go back a little later. Anyway, the coffee she was carrying had gone cold. She needed to heat it up. As she did that, Paritosh’ words kept echoing in her mind, “I don’t want her to marry me because she feels that she needs to. I want her to take the decision because she wants to.” She didn’t understand herself as well as Paritosh understood her. Life dealt strange hands. One the one hand, it was taking her mother away from her. On the other, it had sent Paritosh to her!

—

“It is like the romance of old Hindi movies, Sunidhi. Slow, gradual, hesitating. Quite different,” Rupali told her best friend about her relationship with Paritosh while meeting her over a coffee.

“And does it work for you?”

“It does. It’s strange, but it does. May be precisely because it is so different from anything I have ever had earlier. After all, I don’t want a repeat of the history.”

“I am so happy for you, Rupali.”

“Thank you! What happened to your plans of proposing?”

“I was definitely high the day I called you. I haven’t yet done it.”

“Why?”

“Why? I am nervous, of course. What if it doesn’t go well. I am scared of losing what I have.”

“He is no longer your mentee, I guess,” Rupali winked, “You can’t bully him around now.”

Sunidhi laughed, “No. No longer a trainee, no longer a mentee. He is the Assistant Brand Manager now.”

“Well. At least you are not anxious like you used to be and you are not getting drunk at the parties,” Rupali teased her.

“Oh God! Don’t remind me of that, Rupali. I think I still need to apologize to Dr. Khanna.”

“Don’t worry about that. He didn’t think much of it.”

“I, at least, have to thank him.”

“Suit yourself. You have been so busy lately, I have hardly seen you. Else you could have done that long ago.”

“I know. But the pressure has eased a lot now. And Aditya is also doing fine.”

“Let’s all meet over dinner sometime, then.”

“Sure. And Rupali. How is Auntie doing?”

Rupali’s face fell, “Don’t ask. I wouldn’t wish this helplessness even on an enemy.”

“I am sorry,” Sunidhi pressed her hands.

“If someone were to point a pistol at her, Sunidhi, I could come in between and take the hit for her. But this is… I am just so helpless… The pistol is inside her and killing her slowly, tortuously. And no one can take the bullet for her.”

“Calm down, Rupali. Hold yourself together.”

“I am sorry.”

“No problem. Listen, let’s go to your home. I would like to meet her.”

“Okay.”

—

When Rupali and Sunidhi entered Mouli’s room, they were surprised to see Paritosh there. He was gently rubbing Mouli’s palm. Her hands often went cold.

“Sir?”

“Hi Sunidhi, Rupali. Rupali. I knew you were going out with Sunidhi. So, I thought I will spend some time with Ma.”

Rupali smiled and Sunidhi was impressed.

“Mom. Look who is here,” Rupali and Sunidhi walked closer to her.

“Sunidhi? How are you darling?” Mouli was surprisingly lucid.

“I am fine, Auntie,” she didn’t have heart to ask ‘how are you’ to Mouli, “I hadn’t met you in a long time. So, I thought of dropping by.”

“That was very thoughtful of you. And Rupali is going to need all her friends–”

“Mom. Please,” Rupali stopped her.

“Rupa. Darling, do you have Mr. Mehta’s phone number with you?” Mouli asked about her lawyer.

“Yes Mom. But why?”

“Call him. Ask him to come over as soon as possible with all the relevant papers.”

“What papers?”

“He would know. And I want to sleep for a while. Why don’t you all go outside and have something to eat or drink.”

Paritosh, Rupali and Sunidhi walked out without saying a word. Rupali called the lawyer.

“He will be here by eight,” she informed no one in particular and then looked on blankly.

“Rupali,” Paritosh spoke softly. She started crying. He went forward and put his arms around her. She leaned on him for support and her sobs became louder.

“Please save her. I can’t live without her,” she said between her sobs.

“Sunidhi, can you please get some water for her from the kitchen.”

“Yeah, sure,” she replied and rushed to the kitchen.

Paritosh held her tight and did not say anything. Slowly her sobs subsided. She took the water offered by Sunidhi and took a sip.

“Go wash your face, Rupali. You will feel better,” Paritosh told her. She obliged and got up.

“How are you doing, Sunidhi?” Paritosh asked her when Rupali went away.

“I am fine. Sitting in this house, I don’t have the heart to ask how you are doing. It must be so difficult.”

Paritosh smiled, “People don’t stop living and being fine. This too shall pass. But I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Her Mom was right when she said Rupali will need all her friends. She will. On my own, I can do only so much. If you could be around a little more often–”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I already feel horrible. I had become so busy in my own life that… And I have to thank you for some things there. But later. Right now, I have neglected my duty towards my best friend and I will definitely do all I can to make up for it.”

Rupali came back and said, “I will get some coffee.”

“I will help you,” Sunidhi said and accompanied her.

“I don’t know what I would have done without him, Sunidhi,” Rupali said while making coffee in the kitchen, “Even Mom depends more on him than on me.”

“You are lucky there, at least,” Sunidhi smiled, “But you must give me credit for having predicted it first.”

“Predicted what?”

“You ungrateful witch,” Sunidhi grinned, “I had told you right when you were doing your Medieval History project that you have a crush on Dr. Khanna.”

“Shut up!”

“Why should I shut up now?”

“All right. You have been prophetic. Happy now?”

The two friends broke into a laughter, for a while forgetting about the melancholy otherwise enveloping Rupali’s life.

Paritosh heard the sound of her laughter from the hall and smiled.

—

To be continued

“I am going to propose to him, Rupali,” Sunidhi informed her on phone.

“What? You can’t wait for him to do it?” Rupali was amused.

“Why? Why should women always have to wait? Is there something wrong if we express our wishes?”

“No Ma’am. Not at all,” she recalled that in a weird way she too had expressed herself first, “And if someone can carry it off, it is you.”

“Thank you. For telling me that I am a weird outlier,” Rupali could imagine Sunidhi pouting at the other end of the phone.

“No. You aren’t. You have company. He splits your restaurant bills, doesn’t he?”

“Rupali! I need some cheering up.”

“All the best, Sunidhi. I am so looking forward to seeing you together; officially!”

—

“Mom. Look who is here,” Rupali and Paritosh entered Mouli’s room. Paritosh hadn’t visited Mouli for last few days because he had been busy at work.

Mouli was awake. She smiled, “Paritosh. Good you came back. Did Purushottam call you? He wanted to meet you.”

Paritosh looked at Rupali questioningly.

“She has been hallucinating about Dad recently,” she whispered and then turned to Mouli, “Mom. How are you feeling?”

“I need to interpret for Purushottam. He won’t be able to talk to Paritosh,” she tried getting up.

“Mom. Please lie down. Dad is not here,” Rupali, herself, got agitated.

“Let me,” Paritosh said and sat beside Mouli. He held her hand spoke very softly, “Ma. He is not here. Don’t you remember? He has passed away long back.”

“He was here. He called you.”

“Listen to me. He did not call me. You love him so much, you are imagining him. Don’t stress yourself. Take rest. Okay?”

“But…”

“Hush. Not another word. Here, take the medicine that the nurse has for you. And sleep.”

Soon Mouli had fallen asleep as the weakness and the medicines overpowered her.

—

“You really know how to manage her in sickness,” Rupali said somberly when they came to her room.

“Have done it earlier too,” he smiled sadly. He was referring to the time when he had to care for Amrit. Rupali understood and pressed his hands expressing her support. “The divorce has come through,” he spoke after a pause, “And there was something I wanted to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“Amrit doesn’t need my monetary support, Rupali. The dowry she had brought is invested for her. But I’d like to continue visiting her. Only if you don’t mind.”

He was surprised to see her eyes moistening as she replied, “I will never stop you from doing that Dr. Khanna. If I did that I’d be destroying what makes you so uniquely you.”

“Rupali! Why these tears?”

“Nothing to worry about. I have never been able to express myself about this. But let me try. I know I had behaved childishly when I had first come to know about her. But that was only because of the way it was revealed to me. But ever since I have known the complete story, what has been most important to me is knowing that you never abandoned her. You could have. Nobody would have blamed you. But you didn’t. Do you have any idea how reassuring it is? How safe and protected I feel with you.  I will never stop you from visiting her.”

“Rupali!” Paritosh himself became overwhelmed. He took her hands and kissed them feeling grateful.

“I wanted to ask something too.” Rupali said.

“What is it?”

“Can I meet her sometime? Your wife?”

“Ex-wife,” he corrected her, though with a smile, “You can visit her, Rupali. I don’t know about meeting. She doesn’t recognize even me these days.”

“Coming Sunday?”

“Sure.”

—

“Tell me more about yourself,” Rupali said suddenly. They were in her room later in the day.

“You have read the case-study of my life,” Paritosh laughed, “What more can I tell you?”

“That’s just one part of your life.”

“That was all there was to my life. Until you came back. Rest of it has been rather boring.”

“Tell me about other women in your life.”

“Women in my life? I am not Khushwant Singh, Rupali,” his laughter grew louder.

“Why are you being so pricey? Someone must have come in your life in last eight years.”

“No, Rupali.”

“Nobody?”

“Is it so hard to believe? I come across as a Casanova or what?”

“And no one before your marriage either.”

“No.”

“Oh!”

“You look disappointed,” Paritosh said playfully.

“No. No, of course not,” Rupali cried and then blushed realizing the awkwardness of the situation.  She tried to change the topic, “Let’s go and meet Mom.”

“She would still be asleep. And will sleep for at least another hour,” Paritosh said pointing at the clock.

“Yeah, right,” Rupali said looking confused about what to do.

Suddenly Paritosh came close to her startling her. He made her stand up and cupped her face gently. “Bear with me. I have been out of practice,” he smiled and closed in for a kiss.

But she stopped him by stepping back. It was awkward, “I… I am sorry. I was being presumptuous. Didn’t mean to impose on you…” he apologized.

“Please don’t apologize. And please don’t be mad. Let me explain,” Rupali was feeling guilty for doing that to him.

“I am not mad,” Paritosh hastened to clarify, “What is it? Something is bothering you?”

Rupali gulped, “I… I don’t know how to… You never asked me… about my past.”

“Yeah…” Paritosh looked confused, “It just never came up. But… why do you… I mean what’s the problem?”

“Don’t know if you ever realized… I… I haven’t been married of course. But I… I have had relationships…”

“I know that.”

“Yeah. And also that they weren’t just… I am… I am not a virgin”

Paritosh frowned for a moment and then broke into an amused smile, “You are anxious about that? Really? Am I a ghost from the 19^th century?”

“I know… I didn’t mean to… I mean on realizing that you have probably never… Outside your marriage…” Rupali stopped talking and looked confused and embarrassed.

Paritosh smiled and held her hands, “Look Rupali. There is no denying that our lives have been different. I never thought about dating, relationships. Not even when I was in the US for my Ph. D. I was just not raised that way. That culture was alien to me and it remained so. In last eight years, again, I didn’t even think about relationships because I just wasn’t up for that lifestyle. I didn’t know the dating tricks and I wasn’t sure I would have been comfortable trying to learn. And our environment here doesn’t exactly encourage that. You are different, Rupali, and I love you for what you are. You don’t have to feel bad because of that,” Paritosh paused, then thought of something and added, “Of course, it works only if you are fine with those differences too. You might have expectations that I won’t understand. Not unless you voice them. If the differences make you uncomfortable–”

“I love them and I think we’d do well to adopt a little of each other’s lifestyles,” Rupali said making him smile. But he resisted the temptation of pulling her in his arms right then. It was better to take things slow.

—

To be continued

“Congratulations then. Finally, you have sorted it all out.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Banerjee.”

“Now when can I expect you to call me Mom like Rupa does?” Mouli asked making both of them blush.

Paritosh replied, “I’m a bit old fashioned for Mom. Can I call you Ma? That’s what I used to call my mother.”

“That’s what I used to call my mother too,” chirped Mouli, “So, it is cool! Rupa. Get something to celebrate. If sweets are not there, even coffee will do!”

“Sure, Mom,” she left the room.

“I know you will do so, Paritosh. But as a mother I cannot help myself from saying this. Keep her happy.”

“Rest assured!” Paritosh smiled.

“And demand it from her, if she doesn’t make you happy on her own. But don’t let go of her.”

“Yes,” Paritosh blushed thinking about how mistaken he had been in assuming that Rupali wanted to end the relationship.

“And don’t do what you did during her student days,” she laughed.

“I am going to get a lot of grief about that, am I not?”

“You will manage.”

“It was never intended to hurt her.”

“I’m sure. She was overly sensitive about certain things, I believe. Her father died when she was very young. She hardly remembers him. Despite my best efforts I don’t think I could fill up that void. She always sought acceptance and appreciation from… what shall I say… authority figures? Which meant teachers in the schools and college. Thankfully, she got what she sought most of the time. But you proved tough. Didn’t give her what she wanted,” Mouli laughed again.

“I am sorry. I never realized that I was affecting her. It just wasn’t the best time of my life. But I will make up for it, I promise.”

“I’m sure you will. Don’t worry about the past. She, herself, does not think much of that now. She was a child then.”

“Are you two again talking about something that I will come to know a few years later?” Rupali pouted as she entered with the coffee.

“I won’t repeat my mistake, dear. So, let me tell you that Paritosh has just now promised to me that he will make up for all the troubles he gave you when you were a student. I’m sure he is going to make up well for it.”

“Mom! If you tease us any more I’m going to run away from here.”

“I won’t dare. Give me my coffee. And now I want to rest. So, I think you two should go out and sort out any remaining issues.”

Paritosh and Rupali blushed. Weren’t they looking forward to spending some time alone?

—

They went to her room after the coffee.

“So, how do you plan to make up for the troubles you gave me?” Rupali’s happiness colored her voice and demeanor. She was on the top of the world and it was out there for anyone to see. “Especially when you don’t even admit that you disliked me.”

“To start with, by apologizing, and by explaining.”

“You have so much to explain.”

“I have been an idiot, I guess. It’s time to undo all the mistakes.”

“All right. Let me hear you out,” Rupali said feigning a judgmental attitude.

“When I had first seen you, my life was a bundle of confusions. My mother had died a while back. I had brought Amrit with me to Mumbai hoping to get some good treatment for her. But the doctors, psychiatrists, all of them gave similar answers, whose gist was that it was too late. She should have been treated earlier, in her childhood. I had hardly gotten time to know her. It was an arranged marriage, and even after the wedding, she had to stay with my parents to take care of my mother. When she came here with me, I didn’t know what I felt for her. I mean I definitely hadn’t gotten enough time with her to have fallen in love with her. But I could not ignore her either. It wasn’t her fault. She was my responsibility. So, I had decided to take care of her and accept my fate. Then I saw you. I remember the first time I had heard you speak in my class. It was about the interpretation of Akbar’s policies by different historians. I was amazed at how you had not just mugged up the quotes from the different historians, but had actually analyzed their stands, where they came from, whether there were specific agendas behind their interpretations. I was very impressed.”

“You remember that?” Rupali’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Yes. And before I knew it, this charming, intelligent girl, who was full of life, had started affecting me beyond what was appropriate in a teacher-student relationship. I would find myself smiling when someone discussed a prank played by you in the faculty canteen. I wanted to have you around all the time. And that triggered my mental alarm. It just wasn’t right. I was a married man. I had a wife to take care of. And you were merely a child then. My student. Not even an adult officially. I just had to rein in my emotions. I had to keep away from you. I didn’t know if it was real or a figment of my imagination. But the more I tried to ignore you, the more I found you around me. You would be sitting on the first bench in my classes, always volunteering to answer. If there was an extra-curricular activity I was asked to organize, you would be right there, impossible to ignore, winning prizes most of the time. I found you all around me and I tried harder to push you away. And… I hadn’t realized until recently what I ended up doing in trying so hard. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I hurt you. I can’t undo the past. But in future, I’d never let you be hurt. Not by me. Not by anyone else.”

Rupali looked like she had witnessed a miracle. She shook her head and said, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you forgive me for that.”

“Of course, I do. I have done that long ago. You have been so nice to me since I came back; I had started thinking that it was a different man I had known then.”

“That, too, is a good way to look at it,” Paritosh said smilingly, “Although my feelings have remained the same. And when you came back, I was as unsettled initially as I used to be back then. But I realized that I was indeed a different person now. I wasn’t as edgy as in my younger days. After a while, I was confident that I could be in control of myself around you. And so, I did not have to go those extremes.”

“You succeeded very well. I’d never have known. You didn’t accept even after I had made a fool of myself that night.”

“I was so worried after that.”

“Why?”

“You had said something like I made you fall in love with me. I thought I had betrayed my emotions. I felt like I might have misled you at a time when you were so vulnerable.”

“You don’t think so now, do you?”

“I don’t care now if you are vulnerable. I will keep you safe.”

“But you must know that it is not my vulnerability that makes me feel the way I do.”

“No. It’s not,” he smiled and pulled her in an embrace.

—

To be continued

“Rupali. This will change things for you. Your feelings and your decision about me may change. And I will respect that. But trust me; I had no intention of keeping you in dark. I just thought you knew.”

“What is it?”

“I’m indeed married. And my wife is in a mental health facility for more than eight years now.”

“Mental health facility?”

“Yes. And I have tried my best to be good to her. To take care of her. I intend to do so in future too.”

Rupali did not say anything. All of this was too much to digest. Paritosh explained further, “I had accepted my fate. I did not hope, did not wish for any happiness in my life. Except whenever you came in my life.”

“Whenever?”

“Yes. Whenever. Nine years ago, as a student. Then again, six months ago, as a colleague.”

“Nine years ago, you…”

“Yes. I know it sounds so… inappropriate. And…”

“You disliked me so much back then. You almost hated me.”

“I never hated or disliked you, Rupali. I had to work hard to pretend to ignore you. And… But that’s not important right now. You know my situation now. I am married, not yet divorced. Didn’t feel the need to go through with this motion earlier. Amrit, my wife, has no hope of recovering ever. She is getting worse day by day. In fact, it was when her condition got impossible for me to manage that I had to admit her to the facility. I don’t have the heart to tell you all the details now. You can read your mother’s case study. But all said and done, Rupali, this is my life. It is not clean, not pleasant. And you don’t have to accept it. I’m sorry that it came up so late. All I have to say in my defense that I genuinely believed that you knew.”

“Mom knows everything?”

“Yes.”

“And why is it that both of you know everything and I have to discover it on my own – much later. I hate you!” Rupali said and stormed off.

Paritosh looked after her, sad and disappointed. He realized that in a very twisted way, this news had brought back the pain that she had felt when she got to know about her mother’s illness.

Mouli came in soon after Rupali left, “What happened, Paritosh?”

“She is angry that I did not tell her. And justly so.”

“Don’t give up on her, Paritosh. She will come around.”

“I have hurt her. Yet again.”

“I’m sorry. This time it is my fault too. The confusion was between us, and it ended up hurting her. But that doesn’t mean she should hurt herself even more by not letting her anger go.”

Rupali walked back in right then.

“Mom? What’s going on?”

“Rupa,” Mouli turned to her daughter and spoke emphatically, “I can explain to you what had happened and why you didn’t know about all of this earlier. But there is an alternative. And the alternative is that you let Paritosh explain the same thing and put your trust in him. If today, I need to step in to build that trust, this man standing here may never ever feel confident of your trust in him. So, you have to choose now. Do you want to listen to him and trust him? Or would you have me explain and lose that chance of building that trust forever?”

“Mrs. Banerjee. Please don’t put her on the spot like this,” Paritosh intervened, when he saw Rupali looking stunned at her mother’s reaction.

“No, Paritosh. She has to be put on the spot. This is one moment where she has to take the responsibility. If she chooses right, I think you can take her responsibility for the rest of her life. But this moment in hers. I know I messed up. But not to that extent that she has to spoil her life. Tell me, Rupa.”

“Mom please!” Seeing her mother getting worked up made Rupali too anxious to respond coherently.

Against his wish, Paritosh intervened again, “She will talk to me. Won’t you Rupali? Please.” His eyes pleaded with him to say ‘yes’.

“Yes. Yes Mom. I will talk to him. Please calm down.”

“Rupali, take her back to her room. She needs rest,” Paritosh said.

“No. Both of you stay here. I can manage,” Mouli said and left them alone once again.

Rupali and Paritosh waited until she had left. Then they looked at each other.

“Rupali. Will you talk to me?” he asked sincerely.

“I just said I will.”

“I made you say that,” he smiled weakly, “Mrs. Banerjee was getting so worked up. But Rupali. How much ever we talk, things are not going to change. I am burdened with my past, and scarred by it. You don’t need to be a part of it. And you have possibilities… options….”

Tears filled up in her eyes, “You think Rohan and I…”

“He is a great guy.”

“Sure. For someone else. Not for me. And I have told him that.”

“Rupali! You shouldn’t… needn’t limit yourself because of me… Fact is that I had often wondered earlier too.”

“Earlier too? I… What did I do to–”

“I am not blaming you, Rupali. There is nothing wrong if–”

“But you are, Dr. Khanna; you are blaming me. I am not interested in him. And I am not going around looking for options. I rejected him this afternoon, even when I was convinced that I could have no future with you. What will it take for you to trust me? That was not the reason I behaved the way I did. I am truly embarrassed that I treated you like that without talking to you. But it wasn’t because of–” she choked on her words.

“I am sorry,” he came close to her and held her hands, “Seeing you so distant, I felt incredibly insecure. And the lens of insecurity turns the meaning of everything upside down. Every little thing, him knowing you since childhood, same university, the general camaraderie between the two of you, innocent things became meaningful for me. Don’t take it to heart, Rupali. I misinterpreted your behavior because I didn’t know what was causing it.”

“I know. I had come back to apologize, Dr. Khanna. And to talk to you. But seeing Mom like that had me terrified.”

“Come here. Sit down,” Paritosh said and then explained the source of the misunderstanding. He told her about him meeting Mouli for her research. How he assumed that she would have told Rupali. But she, on her part, had exercised discretion and had not told Rupali anything because he wanted to keep the matter away from his colleagues.

“I’m sorry. I should have talked to you,” Rupali said finally.

“Don’t blame yourself. It was a big misunderstanding. I should not have assumed things. Now can we both forget about it and forgive each other? Can you still accept me?”

“Don’t embarrass me with such questions, Dr. Khanna. And don’t be so humble, please. I will probably tell you someday what exactly it means to me. But today, I don’t have powerful enough words to express myself. So, just accept my acceptance as it is.”

“I absolutely accept you and everything about you as it is.”

“But tell me honestly. You had lied about… about liking me even earlier. I mean nine years ago? You really hated me then.”

His genuine reply surprised her, “Back then, I tried hard to hide my real feelings. So, if you did not come to know about them, I would think I was successful there. But hate you? Impossible! Why me, who can ever hate you?”

“You have forgotten all about it then.”

“I haven’t forgotten a single thing about you.”

“We will see about that. But for now, let’s go and see Mom. She was so worked up. She needs to be calmed down.”

“Okay.”

—

To be continued

“Paritosh! How nice. Weren’t you supposed to come back tomorrow?” Mouli was lucid.

“Yes. But the last day of the seminar was cancelled. So, I came back.”

“That’s great. Where is Rupa?”

“She is still at the institute. I came to meet you.”

“Of course. I am so happy to see you. A week these days feels like years to me. So much changes. I have gotten so much worse that I was a week back. I hope you don’t have to travel much in the days to come, Paritosh. Rupa gets completely lost without you. She has been miserable recently.”

Paritosh sighed. Her misery was not because she missed him. It was probably the dread of seeing him again. But he would put her out of her misery. If she was regretting her decision to be with him, she needn’t be.

“She went out with friends over the weekend, and yet it looked like she was more annoyed than happy about it,” Mouli added.

“Friends? Sunidhi?”

“Yes. Sunidhi. And that friend of hers. Aditya. Then there was Rohan. You would know him, right?”

“I do. How do you know him?”

“Used to know his parents long time ago. He and Rupa had gone to the same school for a while. He has visited once in a while with Rupa.”

“Hmm… Anyway. Don’t worry about her, Mrs. Banerjee. She’d do all right.”

“I am not worried. With you–”

“With me, or without me, she would be fine.”

“Paritosh. What are you talking about?”

He stayed silent for a while. Should he bother Mouli about it? Who was he going to talk to? His heart was breaking into thousand pieces. It was one thing to suppress his love, his emotions on his own accord. It was another to have it trampled upon by the one he loved.

“Paritosh. Is something the matter, son?”

That motherly concern encouraged him to open up. “I think she has been having second thoughts about our relationship, Mrs. Banerjee. And I don’t blame her for that. I had always been worried about our compatibility. And–”

“Paritosh! What are you… Look. I know she has a past. And it might make you nervous. But she is not fickle, Paritosh.”

His eyes became moist, “I won’t ever think of her in such terms, Mrs. Banerjee. She is… she is going through more than what I would ever want her to go through. And I was happy to be by her side. But this relationship was a mistake. It is better if you also accept this. Don’t tell her anything, please. Don’t try to make her feel guilty or anything. I know how to let go.”

“If what you feel is true, Paritosh, don’t be a saint. I will find out from her, of course. But if she does this to you–”

“Don’t! Don’t say anything you will regret. She might come back anytime now. I will go home now, Mrs. Banerjee. I haven’t been there at all since landing. Please take care.”

—

“Rupa.” Mouli came to the hall to find her daughter slumped on the sofa looking miserable.

“Mom?” she was alarmed, “Why did you get up. Nurse is there if you need something. Or you could call me.”

“I am fine, Rupa.  But why are you so upset?”

“No, Mom. I am fine. Why would I be upset?”

“I am not that weak already that you can’t tell me about your problems. What is going on? Have you been missing Paritosh?”

Rupali stayed silent.

“It is something else. Tell me, my child. My speculations are depressing these days. I might assume the worst.”

“I made a mistake again Mom.”

“What mistake?”

“You too were wrong this time, Mom. Dr. Khanna…”

“What about him?”

“He is married and is now divorcing his wife.”

“Did he tell you?” Mouli asked. She was surprised on two counts. That Rupali did not know about it. And that she should react like this.

“No. I was at his place the day before he left. For dinner. And I found the divorce papers lying on his table. Must be because of me. This is horrible, Mom. I don’t want to be the other woman, the home-breaker.”

“Did you talk to him?”

Rupali shook her head.

“You should.”

“Mom. All this is so wrong. I don’t know what to do, what to say.”

“Rupa. I can intervene, but this really isn’t for me to do. This is something you must do yourself. You cannot run away from things. You must sit down like adults and talk it out. Do you understand me?”

Rupali suddenly felt very irritated, “Yeah. I understand you. You are trying to make sure that I can mend by heart-breaks on my own after you, right?”

“Don’t talk like that Rupa,” Mouli got tears in her eyes, although she tried to control them.

“Oh God! I am sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry. I will talk to him right away. Please don’t cry. Please. I am going to meet him.”

—

Paritosh looked dishevelled when he opened the door for her. He stepped aside to let her in. Rupali looked around the house and felt a heart-wrenching sadness.  The other night she had come in thinking about how all of this would be a part of her life sometime soon. And now…

“Sit down,” he broke the silence with polite words.

“I’m fine,” she replied trying hard to keep her voice cold, and not quivering.

“I had read the note.”

“What note?” Rupali had completely forgotten about it.

“Rohan’s note. Mistakenly thinking that I had the right. But you must go where your heart leads you.”

“You are accusing me of cheating?”

“Rupali!” his hurt was evident in his voice, “I am not accusing you. I just want to tell you the truth. Your happiness is most important. And if it lies in Rohan, I am not going to hold you back.”

“Stop it, Dr. Khanna. Don’t say those grand things. Don’t make it about my happiness. Let’s just stick to the basics. Don’t divorce your wife because of me. I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“What are you… How else… Wait! You… you didn’t know that I was married?”

“How could I? You should… That was the reason behind all your hesitations, wasn’t it? You should have come out clean, Dr. Khanna. You should have told me the truth. I might have been love-struck. But I am not so selfish that–”

“Wait. Rupali. Don’t jump to conclusions. We… we need to talk. Let’s go to your home–”

“Why my home? Tell me whatever–”

“Your mother needs to be in this conversation.”

“What has Mom got to do with any of this? I really don’t want to involve her further in this mess.”

“We must go. Are you driving?”

She gave up, “Fine!”

—

“I don’t understand you, Mrs. Banerjee. You hadn’t told her anything. And you encouraged me to… Why would you do that?”

“Paritosh. You didn’t want your colleagues to know. And I was just being discreet as you had asked me to. That’s why I did not tell her.”

“But afterwards? When you knew about…”

“In a relationship there is no place for a third person, Paritosh. I’m sorry that that there has been a misunderstanding. But I think it is better that you two learn to deal with these misunderstandings and learn to communicate on your own. It’s better to know how to sort out such issues right now, rather than later in your relationship.”

“Is someone going to tell me what the matter is?” Rupali interrupted sharply.

“Tell her, Paritosh,” Mouli said and left them alone.

Paritosh sighed and said, “Sit down Rupali. Please.”

She obliged.

—

To be continued