“Your crutches,” Siddharth came back later in the evening, “You can use them to go to the bathroom. No more walking than absolutely required though, okay? You want to use them now.”
She nodded. It was a little awkward at first to use them, but Siddharth helped her get used to it. She freshened up and washed her face in the bathroom.
“I’m sorry,” she said after she was settled back in the bed.
“You don’t need to be.”
“I panicked.”
“I know. And can I tell you something?”
She nodded.
“I might be a monster… to you. But this monster could not break you. What broke you was an imaginary monster you had created in your head. He was… well… beyond even me… I didn’t like this imaginary monster breaking you. In fact, I don’t like anyone breaking you. Not even myself.”
Karishma stared at him blankly. What was he saying? Was he… changing? Had he changed already?
“There are no games here,” he added after a pause.
“I still hate you,” Karishma said almost involuntarily.
“I know. But that doesn’t mean I would let you go.”
“Why not? If you don’t want to…”
“I think you need to eat, take your medicines and sleep. I will order dinner.”
—
“I don’t know where you have sent your mother,” Siddharth told her when they reached back to Mumbai, “But if it is to someplace she didn’t want to go or is uncomfortable, you should get her back.”
Karishma nodded feeling awkward. Suddenly the idea that she needed to protect her mother from him sounded ridiculous. And yet – just couple of days back, it hadn’t been so. She was really worried then.
She spoke to her mother. Though she missed her daughter, she was enjoying her time in the village. “I find such peace in the kuldevi’s temple. I just spend hours there,” she had told her. Unless Karishma really needed her, she would like to spend couple of more months there. Karishma didn’t insist. Her own life was in such a confused phase that it was better handled alone. If her mother was around to question all the oddities, it would become more difficult.
—
“Pack an overnight bag,” Siddharth came to her room and told her, while she was busy with her editing assignments.
“Excuse me?”
“We are driving to Lonavala and will come back tomorrow.”
“What for?”
“Just want to spend some time there.”
“I am not going anywhere.”
“Why not?”
“Just because you are not torturing and threatening me now, all is not cool between us.”
“Just because I am not torturing and threatening you now, I won’t take a no for an answer every time. You can either pack, or you will have to do with whatever is there in the bunglow there. It may not be much.”
“What the…”
“Half an hour!”
—
“I always drive here myself. The road is lovely,” he announced, rather than speak to her. The body-guards were following them in another car.
“How does it feel? To have this obsession? To hate someone and yet not letting them go.”
“Is that possible? To hate someone and not let them go?”
“You should not be asking that question. You are the one who does it the best.”
“I don’t hate you. I destroy the people I hate. I just… want you.”
Karishma fell silent. She didn’t know how she should reply to that. He wanted her! Is that why he had brought her with him? His huge mansion in Mumbai was always filled with office staff, people he had to meet and the house staff. Complete seclusion was not possible. If she resisted, he would find it awkward to force himself on her. Now she was alone with him and would be at his mercy. So, he could rape her. Not that she cared though. Thanks to the marriage, it would at best be a fulfillment of his lust, and he could not use it as a threat or a weapon against her.
—
“Bro? What a surprise! And with his not-so-newly-wed-wife!” They found Diksha in the bunglow already.
“Diksha! Mind your language.”
“How touchy Bro! Just like the heroes you portray on-screen, isn’t it? Anyway. If you want I will leave. You are not quite in a mood for family reunion, I see.”
“Why would you leave Ma’am?” Karishma interrupted, “This is your house too.”
“Actually no,” Siddharth replied icily, “This house is in my name. It’s mine. And since you seem to be hell-bent upon insulting my wife Diksha, it’s better that you leave right away!”
“Thanks a lot for reminding me about the property division!” Diksha barked and went to her room to start packing.
“You can use that room,” Siddharth told her after Diksha left, “The caretaker stays nearby. I will call him. Let him know if you need anything.” He wasn’t forcing her to share a room with him!
—
Diksha’s behaviour had not come as a surprise to Karishma. Even before leaving for UK, she had tried to get Diksha to help with the movie production that was stalled. But she had been least interested, in fact curt and rude. The sun had set by the time Karishma freshened up. She went out of her room and saw Siddharth standing in the lawn. He was facing away from the house, so she could not see his face. She approached him. He turned on hearing her footsteps.
“Dinner will take time. We can have tea and some snacks meanwhile,” he pointed towards a table laid out nearby, “Caretaker is in the kitchen. If you want something else, you can tell him.”
“I am fine.”
“Why is she angry with you?” Karishma asked after a while.
“Did the other possibility ever occur to you? That I could be angry with her?”
“That was a given. I have stopped trying to find reason behind you being angry with people.”
“Right,” he replied bitterly, “I guess there is no point in having this conversation.” He got up and walked away to another corner of the lawn.
Despite herself Karishma felt bad for him. She shouldn’t, she reminded herself. He was a monster, who didn’t care for people. If he was in pain, he deserved it. And for all she knew, it was just another act on his part. Could he feel pain? Could he feel anything at all? But finally, she could not help following him.
“I am sorry, I did not mean to hurt you,” he was facing away from her and did not turn this time.
“That’s not true. You did mean to hurt me. I am the reason of all your miseries. It…”
“Look,” she walked around to face him and was surprised at the sight. Although his voice gave no hint of this, his eyes were filled with tears. She was visibly startled and then moved away from there. What should she do? Feel happy that he is suffering, whatever be the reason. Or try to ease his pain, like she would do with anyone else. She came back to where the tea-table was laid and sat down. He also came back after a while, looking more composed.
“Why are you angry with your sister?” she asked.
“Let it be. It was not the reason I was…” his voice trailed. He couldn’t bring himself to say that he was crying.
“Then why? Is it something about this place?”
“It had created a huge media circus at that time. People move on from one news to the other. But I can’t. It was my mother who had committed suicide in this house when I was twelve years old.”
“I am sorry!” Karishma said sincerely. Both of them didn’t say anything for a while. Then she spoke again, “You… want to talk about it?”
“Talk what? Why did it happen? Where will that talk end? With a blame either on my father or on my mother.”
“When I think of my father’s death, I only think of the sadness, grief, loneliness and loss me and my mother felt. Whether his illness, his death was fair or unfair, whether it could have been otherwise, whether he didn’t have good enough doctors, whether something or somebody could have prevented it, whether there was someone responsible for it, whether I hate you for not letting me meet him before his death, all of these are secondary. The things I have to come to terms with, and I think I have done it more or less, are my own feelings, my sadness and grief on his loss. Other things either can not be changed, or can be dealt with separately. Acknowledging your feelings and dealing with them are most important.”
“Your father had died before you left?”
She nodded.
“The same day that…”
“Yes. But that is not the point right now.”
“How much do you hate me?”
“Why are you asking this?”
“You want to walk out right now, right? You wish I were rather dead or…”
“Shut up. I don’t wish anyone dead.”
“But you do hate me.”
“I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know how I feel about you. You… you just confuse me to no end. Till sometime back, I would have known. Now – I am just confused. The man I have seen in last few days, the man I have seen today… I don’t know… He is not the same man who I obviously hated…”
“Thanks”
“Thanks?”
“That’s more than what anyone else in your position would have said.”
“What’s going on? Why did you want to come to this place? It doesn’t seem to do you any good at all?”
“It usually does. Today everything is going haywire.”
“Because I am here?”
“No. Because of Diksha…”
“And why so?”
“I had… expected too much from her.”
“Expected what?”
“That she would grow up to be someone I could be friends with. But I never meant as much to her as she meant to me.”
“She is much younger to you, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. Fourteen years.”
“Fourteen. Didn’t you say your mother died…”
“My father had remarried. She is my step-sister…”
“Sorry. I had no idea.”
“Old stories. Media has moved on.”
“Where is her mother?”
“In France. My father and she divorced a few years later.”
“She goes to France to meet her,” Karishma recalled Diksha’s absences from the office, which the employees knew as her Paris shopping trips.
“Yes. She was never as invested in me as I was in her…”
“She has a mother she seems close to. She is much younger to you. It’s not fair to expect her to be like you… People can’t just be what you want them to be…”
“I couldn’t help expecting. But I didn’t demand anything from her. And it was all right between us. But…”
“What went wrong?”
“She didn’t understand things I did… She didn’t even try to… I did wrong things… But she didn’t try to correct me by understanding me… She accused me… And she…” he suddenly fell silent.
“What?” she urged him.
“She insulted you. I lost it after that.”
“What!” it was an exclamation this time and not a question.
—
To be continued
