Unaware Saviour
Jerry opened the door on hearing the knock.
“Yes?” He asked seeing a teenage girl standing there.
“Sir. Aapke liye khaana le aaun?”
Her pronunciation was a relief to him. It was the normal, urban Hindi he was used to hearing. Otherwise the Rajasthani Hindi he had been hearing since he had landed in the village had made him feel like he had come to some other country. He often had to ask them to repeat something two to three times before he could understand it.
“Umm… Haan. Theek hai. Main kha sakta hoon abhi.”
“Ji.”
“Suno. Tumhara naam kya hai?”
“Sab log mujhe Chanda bulate hain.”
Something in her reply amused him, “Sab log tumhein Chanda bulate hain. Iska kya matlab hai? Ye tumhara naam nahin hai? Bas log bulate hain?”
“Jo log bulate hain, usi se to matlab hai na. Hum kaun hain, isse kissi ko kya farq padta hai?” the statement looked too philosophical coming from the mouth of someone so young. Jerry shook his head smiling and closed the door as she went back to get his food.
He wanted to talk more to her, when she brought him his food, but she had hardly kept the food on the table when someone called her and she rushed out.
—
“Ab aapke shaharon waala intezaam to yahan nahin ho sakta, Doctor Sahab,” the sarpach, in whose house he was put up, was having tea with him in the evening, “Lekin agar hamare layak koi bhi seva ho to khul kar bataiyega.”
“Aap unski chinta bilkul mat kijiye. Mujhe koi pareshaani nahin hai. Sab intezaam badhiya hai.”
“Kissi cheez ki zaroorat ho to mujhe bata dijiyega. Aur aapke khaane-peene ka khayaal rakhne ke liye Chanda hai.”
“Ji. Waise woh aapke parivaar se hi hai?” Jerry could not suppress his curiosity.
“Bhatiji hai meri. Thodi bigdail aur nakchadhi hai, lekin seekh rahi hai. Agar koi gadbad kare, ya sahi se kaam na kare to mujhe bata dijiyega. Khabar loonga uski.”
“I’m sure uski zaroorat nahin padegi,” Jerry did not like how he talked about Chanda, but he had to be civil to them.
He had to stay in the village for one month. He was associated with an NGO and they had launched a new heath programme. He was there to oversee that. As a doctor, he was supposed to train the local people to identify and treat some common diseases and also do an early detection of diseases which might need specialist treatment, so that the patients could be taken to the hospitals in the nearest city in time. His stay had been arranged in the Sarpanch’s house through the NGO’s connections.
—
“Tumhein kitni baar samjhaya hai ki jab istemaal karna na aata ho to meri cheezon ko haath mat lagaya karo,” Chanda was shouting at a ten or eleven year old boy, who seemed to be taking pleasure in irritating her, “Dimaag naam ki cheez nahin hai kya?” Jerry saw the scene and stopped at a distance from them. He was returning to his room after having tea with the Sarpanch. His room was located slightly away from the main house.
“Jiji. Dekho ye phir se mujhe daant rahi hai,” the kid called another girl, who was about the same age as Chanda. She came running to the spot.
“Chanda. Tu pagal hai kya? Maa ne tujhe kitni baar kaha hai ki Bua ke bachchon se aise baat mat kiya kar.”
“Kyon na kiya karoon? Ganwaaron jaisi harquatein karte hain…”
“Chanda. Woh mehmaan hain hamare. Unke jo jee mein aayega karenge. Mere saamne jo bolna hai bol le tu. Lekin agar Maa ko bol dega ye ja kar to tujhe achchhi tarah se pata hai ki tera kya haal hoga. To behtar hoga tu sudhar ja. Chal Munna,” the girl held the boy’s hand and walked away from Chanda.
Jerry realized that she was going back to the house and he would be on the way. So, he hastily started walking towards his room and ran into Chanda. She was fuming, was hardly aware of her surroundings and if Jerry would not have been careful, they would have hit each other.
“Tum theek ho, Chanda?” he asked with concern.
“What the fuck do you want now?” she shouted and then realized who she was shouting at. Jerry wasn’t affected by her shouting because he was more surprised by her fluent English.
“You don’t belong to this place, do you? Kya hua hai? Mummy-Daddy ne summer vacations bitane ke liye bhej diya hai kya? Achchha nahin lag raha yahan?” he smiled.
“Main yahin rahti hoon,” she said coldly and tried to get over her anger, “Aur maine jo kaha, uske liye sorry. Mujh pata nahin chala ki aap the…”
“It’s okay.”
“Chachi ne aapse poochhne ko kaha tha ki aap raat ka khaana ghar par aa kar khayenge ya aapke kamre mein le aaun?”
“Tum laogi?”
“Ji.”
“Agar taqleef na ho, to kamre mein hi le aao.”
“Theek hai. Main chalti hoon.”
“Suno.”
“Ji.”
“Yahan kahin cold drinks milegi? ”
“Market tak jaana padega. 3-4 kilometer hai yahan se. Koi vehicle milna mushkil hai. Chal na payen to behtar hoga Chacha ko bol dein. Woh kissi ke saath motorcycle se aapko market bhijwane ka intezaam kar denge.”
“3-4 kilometer chal sakta hoon main. Itna boodha nahin hua hoon.” he smiled.
“Waise ye dhyaan rakhiyega ki unse poori bottle maangiyega. Dus rupye ki bottle pandrah rupyon mein denge. Lekin agar woh nahin lenge to woh bottles khol kar rakhte hain. Aur phir chhote plastic ke cups mein teen-teen rupyon ka dete hain. Koi fizz rahta hi nahin hai. It’s so pointless.”
“Thanks for the tip. Main to kamre mein laane ki soch raha tha.”
Chanda smiled sarcastically, “Kamre mein? Bhaap ban kar ud jayega is garmi mein. Ye koi five-star hotel ka mini-fridge laga hua kamra lag raha hai aapko? Is poore gaon mein kissi ke paas fridge nahin hai. Good luck drinking hot-hot cold-drink.” She walked away after that intriguing Jerry. She obviously did not belong to this place. But she said she lived there. How? Why?
He looked at the watch and decided to walk to the market right away.
—
“Itna saara khaana? Main akele aaya hoon yahan, dus logon ki family le kar nahin!” Jerry exclaimed when Chanda brought him food in the evening.
“Sorry. Is baare mein kain kuchh nahin kar sakti. Khaana kam karne ko kahungi to… Khair chhodiya. Main chalti hoon.”
“Tum mere saath kyon nahin kha leti? Itna saara khana hai. Aur ye plate bhi hai extra.”
“Nahin. Main nahin kha sakti,” she was unnaturally cold again, “Agar aapko kuchh aur nahin chahiye to main chalti hoon.”
“Achchha ruko. Ek cold-drink to pee sakti ho,” he walked towards the window. A thermocol lined ice-box was lying there. He opened it and asked her, “Coke ya Fanta?”
For the first time, he saw a warm smile on her face, “That was ingenious. Aap poora ice-box hi utha laye.”
“What do you want?”
“Coke.”
An opener was lying on the table. Jerry used it to open two bottles of coke. One for each of them. Her resisted the urge to ask her more about herself, lest she became uncomfortable again. He just watched as she greedily gulped down the coke.
“Achchha tha.”
“Tum jab chaho le sakti ho yahan se. Din mein mera kamra to tumhi saaf karti ho na.”
Her face clouded and the smile disappeared when he said that. She just nodded and made to leave. Suddenly she remembered something.
“Aapke paas koi mirror hai?”
He looked around and took a small mirror out form the drawer. “Kya hua?” he asked as he handed her the mirror.
“Lips par color to nahin laga hai, ye dekh rahi hoon. Warna log poochhhenge…”
“Nahin. Coke se nahin lagta. Don’t worry.”
“Thank you,” she handed the mirror back to him and left.
Jerry looked at the food, everything soaked in at least a ton of ghee and sighed. He will have to buy some bread to survive and get some tissue paper for the times he did want to eat those rotis!
—
He had to pass through their huge “aangan” to go the bathroom in the morning. When he was coming back, he saw Chanda finishing the brooming of the place. Next, she needed to sprinkle water on the muddy surface to keep the dust in check through out the day. She was struggling with a huge brass pot filled with water. She could not lift it and was trying to drag it. He looked around and saw that no one was there to help her.
“Let me help you,” he rushed towards her, “Itna bhaari ghada kaise uthaogi tum?”
“Don’t. Are you crazy?” she looked around scared and was relieved to find that no one had seen was them.
“What happened?”
“Let me be. Kissi se dekh liya to shaamat aa jayegi. I am supposed to do this. Please…”
He backed off, feeling very uncomfortable. He kept looking back at her while walking towards his room. She was panting and sweating trying to finish her work. It wasn’t her cup of tea. Was she being forced? Where were her parents? What was going on? Could he ask her? Or someone else?
—
Jerry came back in the evening and saw Chanda sitting on a ground at some distance from his room. She had a bamboo stick in her hands, with which she was absentmindedly hitting the ground repeatedly. He was very tired after a full day spent in trying to train village youngsters. But he still walked towards her.
“Hi Chanda.”
She was startled and stood up immediately, “Oh! Aap hain.”
“Sorry. Maine tumhein dara diya.”
“Nahin. Aapki koi galti nahin hai. Mujhe darane ke liye aaj kal zyada kuchh karne ki zaroorat nahin hoti.”
Jerry was about to ask something when someone called her.
“Chachi bula rahi hain. Main aapke liye chai le kar aati hoon. Aapke liye paani ki bottle ice-box mein rakh di thi. Agar ice bacha hoga box mein, to paani thandha hoga,” she told him and ran away to attend to her aunt.
The cold water was a huge relief to Jerry. He was pouring some of it on his face too, when Chanda came back with some tea and snacks.
“Bahut thak gaye hain aap?”
“Tumne training lene ke liye volunteer kyon nahin kiya?”
“Aap kyon kar rahe hain itni mehnat? Yahan ke logon ki madad karne ke liye?”
“Haan…”
“Aur mujhe yahan kissi ki madad karne mein koi interest nahin hai.”
Jerry was taken aback at her curt and rude reply. He could not make up his mind on whether to ask her the reason for that.
“Lagta hai heat has gotten to you too. Tum ek cold drink kyon nahin le leti?” he said trying to change her mood.
“Nahin. Main theek hoon,” she said and made to walk out.
“Ruko Chanda. Please baitho yahan thodi der. Please.”
“Chachi gussa karengi.”
“Unhein bol dena ki maine roka tha. Kamre ki safai karwani thi.”
She nodded, but still looked reluctant.
“Tumhare parents kahan hain?”
“Kyon poochh rahe hain aap?”
“Bas janana chahta hoon. Aakhir ye chal kya raha hai? Yahan rah kar to tumhari itni sophisticated upbringing nahin hui hogi?”
“Ya aap offended feel kar rahe hain ki main aapke is charity ke attempt ko utni value nahin de rahi, jitna sab de rahe hain, ya jitna aap khud bhi dete hain.”
“Itni kadwahat kyon? Tum yahan apni marzi se nahin rah rahi ho?”
“Aap jaante hain, mujhe kyon is jagah ke logon ka bhala karne waali kissi cheez mein koi interest nahin hai?”
“Kyon?”
“Kyonki ye log khud apna bhala nahin karna chahte. Oopar uthna hi nahin chahte.Kyon bahar se logon ko aakar, yahan anpadh logon ko training deni pad rahi hai? Kya is gaon mein log padh-likh nahin sakte? Haan – hain aise log jinke paas nahin hain paise aur nahin padh sakte. Lekin ye mere Chacha ji. Sarpanch hain gaon ke. Aise hi nahin hain. Inke paas itne paise hain, jitne I am pretty sure aapke paas nahin honge. Maine inse koi bada kharcha karne ko nahin kaha tha. Main National Open School se 12th ka exam de sakti thi. Khud medical entrance ki preparation kar sakti thi. Nominal fee thi. Lekin nahin karne diya. Ye sab inke ghar ki bahu-betiyon ke liye nahin hain. Aur ladke to saare itne kamaal ke nikalte hain ki… Padhai-likhai to unki izzat par batta lagati hai. Bas laathiyon aur bandookon ki bhasha samajhte hain. Main doctor ban kar yahan ke logon ka bhala kar sakti thi. Lekin woh nahin karne dete. Ye adhkachri training le kar kyon karoon? Malaria se, small pox se, normal fever se bhi mar jaate hain. Aur khush hain phir bhi. Nahin sudharni inko apni halat. Bas iski zameen chheeno, usko dhamkar kar aao, use thikane lagao… Aur jab entertainment ki zaroorat ho to ghar ke kissi bachche ko pakad kar unki shaadi karwa do. To mar jayen sab ke sab, meri bala se. Main khud hi kaun sa zinda hoon yahan?”
“Tum yahan kaise aa gayi? Tumhari parvarish kahan hui hai? Parents kahan hain tumhare?”
Chanda looked up at him. It appeared like she had suddenly realized where she was and what she was doing. She got up and ran away without answering any further question. Jerry was lost in his thought. He could make guesses about what would have happened to her. But he could not know for sure. But her young soul was clearly rebelling. Probably nothing could be worse for the rebellion of the young blood than for it to be in surrounding where no one identified or acknowledged it. He could feel her frustrations. What he did not know was why had she landed in this situation?
—
The youngest son of Sarpanch brought him the dinner that night.
“Chanda nahin aayi?” he asked eagerly.
“Chanda jiji ki tabiyat kharaab hai.”
“Tabiyat kharaab hai? Kya hua?”
“Unhein chakkar aa rahe the. So rahi hain.”
“Chalo mere saath. Main dekhta hoon. Ek minute. Maine dawaiyaan aur instruments le loon.”
“Doctor Sahab?” Sarpach had just finished his dinner and was surprised to see Jerry at the house.
“Ji. Aapke bete ne bataya ki Chanda ki tabiyat kharaab hai.”
“Tabiyat kharaab hai?” Sarpanch was surprised and looked at his wife, who was standing behind the curtain.
“Are – bekaar mein apne natak se usne aapko pareshaan kar diya Doctor sahab,” his wife said, “Kaam karne ka man nahin hoga to bahana bana kar so gayi hai. Chulhe par chaar rotiyan jo senkne ko kah diya tha maine. Maharani ke nakhre shuru ho gaye. Na jaane sasuraal ja kar kya karengi ye?”
“Phir bhi. Main ek baar dekhna chahunga,” Jerry replied with cold civility.
“Haan. Jab aap aa hi gaye hain to dekh lijiye ek baar,” Sarpanch said and led him inside.
The rooms in the house were small, stuffed and hot. Hardly a place where one could remain healthy, Jerry thought to himself.
Chanda was sleeping on the bed and her pale face was enough to tell Jerry that she was not pretending sickness. He took his pulse and blood pressure.
“Blood pressure alarmingly low hai. Isliye chakkar aa rahe honge? Main ja kar dekhte hoon ki mere room mein dawaiyan hain ya nahin. Lekin aap please tab tak thoda namak aur cheeni ka ghol banwayenge?”
“Ji. Shubhra. Ja ghol bana kar la,” Sarpanch addressed one of his daughters and she obeyed. With the help of other women in the house, Chanda was made to sit up and have some of the drink. Meanwhile, Jerry found a tablet that could help bring her BP up a bit and gave that to her. He came back from the house with a heavy heart. He did not have dinner and spent the night rather restlessly.
—
He was wide awake when Chanda brought him tea and breakfast early morning.
“Tum?” he hastily took the tray from her hands, “Tumhein abhi kaam karne ki kya zaroort thi? Don’t tell me tum aangan mein jhaadu-pochha kar ke bhi aayi ho.”
“Thank you. Kal mera treatment karne ke liye.”
“Treatment abhi poora nahin hua hai. Tum mere saath aaj shahar chalogi. Tumhare kuchh tests karwane hain.”
“Main kahin nahin jaungi.”
“Maine tumhare Chacha se baat kar li hai.”
“Usse kya hota hai?”
“What do you mean?”
“Mujhe pata hai ki aap jo kar rahe hain, mere bhale ke liye hi kar rahe hain. Lekin please samajhne ki koshish kijiye. Ye aapki duniya nahin hai, aap ise nahin samajhte hain. Aapke haathon raksha mein hatya ho jayegi. Meri zindagi aur mushkil hi ho jayegi.”
“Saaf-saaf batao baat kya hai? Kissi ne kuchh kaha hai?”
“Aap… Listen… Aap please mujhe dekhne dubara mat aaiye. Yahan log aise hi beemaar padte rahte hain aur theek hote rahte hain. Aur khaas kar ke auratein baat-baat par doctors ke paas nahin jaati, dawaiyaan nahin khaati. You are not supposed to be that weak.”
“Weak? Beemaari mein ilaaj karwana weakness kahan se ho gayi…”
“Maine kaha na aap nahin samjhenge…”
“Mujhe nahin lag raha ki tum bhi samajhti ho…”
“Samjhoon ya nahin, manna meri majboori hai. Aap aaj hain, kal chale jayenge… Lekin mujhe yahin rahna hai. Samjhe aap? Door rahiye mujhse aur meri problems se. Unhein aur mat badhaiye.”
“Theek hai. Main tumhari baat maanoonga. Lekin do sharton par.”
“Kya shartein?”
“Ek to tum mere saath baith kar abhi dhang se breakast karogi. Mujhe pata hai kal tumne dhang se kuchh khaya-piya nahin hai. Aur doosre Tum mujhe honestly apne baare mein sab bataogi.”
Chanda sighed, “Theek hai. Yahi sahi. Agar aapka koi writer dost hoga, ya kabhi aapko hi shauk hua, to shayad meri life par koi story ya novel hi likhi chali jaye.” She was very bitter when she said that, but Jerry decided to ignore it. He uncovered the plate covering his breakfast. It had aaloo paranthaas.
“Aaloo paranthe pasand hain tumhein?”
“Meri pasand-napasand main bhool chuki hoon.”
He handed her two paranthas in a plate and took one for himself.
“Kya janna chate hain aap mere baare mein?”
“Pahle breakfast khatam karo.”
—
“Ye tumhari real family hai?”
“Agar real family ka matlab blood relation hota hai, to haan.”
“Tumhare parents kahan hain?”
“They are dead.”
“I am sorry. To isliye tum…”
“Chandrima Rathore. Chandrima Rathore naam hai mera. Ya tha. Ab kya farq padta hai? Meri Mummy Bengali thi. Unki aur Daddy ki love marriage thi. Aur dono taraf ki families ne unse rishta tod liya tha. Hum log Lucknow mein rahte the aur khush the apne chhote se parivaar mein. Lekin 6 saal pahle, sab badalne laga. Mummy ki death ho gayi. Cancer se. Mera khayaal rakhne ke liye koi ho, isliye Daddy ne doosri shaadi ki kuchh dinon ke baad. Lekin unke liye woh ek disastrous decision tha. Un dono ki kabhi nahin bani. Woh itne tense rahne lage the ki he took to drinking. Aur ek din buri tarah pee kar woh car le kar nikal gaye. Phir nahin laute… Hamein accident ke baare mein agle din pata chala…” Chanda paused after this and Jerry also did not break the silence.She spoke again after few moments, “I was fourteen then. Had just finished my tenth standard exams. My step-mother wanted to have nothing to do with me after Daddy’s death. So, his family stepped up and brought me with them. I should be grateful. At least mere sar par ek chhat hai. Lekin… this world is not mine. I am and will always be an alien here, someone they have to work hard on to make her assimilate. But do I want to assimilate… Or does it matter what I want… I wish I was there with Daddy in that car…”
At this stage, she broke down and started sobbing. “Maine aisi kya galti ki hai? What is my fault that I have to go through this?” she spoke through her sobs. Jerry went forward and hugged her, “Nothing. Calm down. It will be all right…” he muttered things to soothe her.
He broke the hug after she had calmed down a bit, but noticed some marks on her palms.
“Ye kya hai?” he was alarmed.
“Kuchh nahin,” she folded her finger to try and hide the marks.
“Dikhao mujhe. What is going on?” he forced her palm open again, “You have been beaten?”
She did not say anything.
“Ye fresh lag rahe hain. Kal kuchh hua tha?”
“Talk to me Chandrima. For God’s sake,” he shook her when she did not reply, “Is this their way of bringing you in line?”
“This is fate’s way of bringing me in line.”
“No. Fate, destiny never want anyone to be abused. What is going on?”
“They want to marry me off. I protested. So…”
“Marry you? How old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“It’s illegal.”
“So, what do I do? Go to the police? Yahan ke thane ke in-charge meri Chachi ke bhai hain.”
“Oh my God!” Jerry felt hopeless and sank into his bed.
“Sir. Maine apni shart poori ki. Ab aapko bhi apni poori karni hogi. Please stay away from my affairs. It only makes things worse for me.” She turned away from him and walked towards the door. Jerry noticed more marks on her arms. How had he not noticed them earlier, he wondered. The beatings and abuse were clearly not a one-time thing.
—
His work was over. He was to leave the village the next day. He was uneasy.He came out of the room and went on a walk to a nearby grove – a rare sight in the dry village. He saw her sitting against a tree from behind.
“Chandrima.”
She did not respond. So, he walked closer. The sight was plain horror to him. She had cut her wrist. The blood-stained blade was lying nearby. She had lost consciousness.
He felt for her breath. She was alive, though sinking fast. He quickly tied her wrist with his handkerchief to contain the blood flow. He picked her up in his arms and rushed towards his room. He treated her and soon had her out of danger. Though the recovery would take time.
“Doctor Sahab,” he heard Sarpanch’s youngest son calling for him. He opened the door.
“Chanda jiji yahan hain kya? Ma unhein bula rahi hain.”
“Haan. Lekin usne…” he was about to tell him about her suicide attempt, but stopped himself because the boy was too young, “Uski tabiyat kharaab hai. Kissi bade ko bhejo yahan.”
“Kya hua?”
“Ma ya Papa ko bhejo yahan,” he repeated his instruction to the boy ignoring his question and shut the door.
She had just gained consciousness when Sarpanch and his wife walked into his room. He did not get a chance to talk to her.
“Kya hua hai?” Sarpanch asked and then looked at her bandaged wrists, “Kalai kaati thi tune?” He was enraged.
“Chal yahan se. Ghar par baat karte hain,” his wife told Chanda.
“Nahin,” Jerry intervened in a firm voice, “Abhi ye bahut kamzor hai. Yahin rahne dijiye.”
“Aapko taqleef karne ki zaroorat nahin hai Doctor Sahab. Hum nibat lenge…”
“Koi zaroorat nahin hai nibatne ki. Aap logon ki ye nibatne ki koshishon ne hi iski ye halat ki hai.”
“Kya kahna chahte hain aap?” Sarpanch asked sharply.
“Main aapse bahas nahin karna chahta. Lekin abhi ise yahin rahne dijiye.”
“Dekho doctor. Hamari ladki hai, hamare ghar ka maamla hai. Tum dakhal mat do.”
“Abhi ye meri patient hai. Aur iski welfare ke decisions mere hain.”
“Tum hadd se aage badh rahe ho. Ye hamari zimmedaari hai.”
“Zimmedaari! Bojh kahiye na Sarpanch ji. Bahut khushi se to nahin hi utha rahe hain aap ye zimmedaari.”
“Main khushi se uthaun ya dukh se, tum kya kar loge?”
“Main khushi se Chanda ki zimmedaari uthana chahta hoon. Main use apne saath le jaana chahta hoon.”
“Kya?” Sarpanch and his wife exclaimed in chorus. This was so unexpected that they could not respond for a moment.
“Ye nahin ho sakta,” Sarpanch spoke finally.
“Aapko kya problem hai?”
“Tumhari samajh mein kuchh aata hai ya nahin? Jawaan ladki hai. Kis haq se de dein tumhein? Byaah karoge kya isse? Nahin na? Phir? Yahan ye shahri chonchle nahin chalte…”
“Karoonga.”
“Kya?”
“Shaadi karoonga Chanda se. Aur le jaunga apne saath. Ab to koi problem nahin hai aapko?”
Sarpanch looked thoughtful. His wife nudged him, “Are isaai se shaadi kar doge kya? Kaisi baatein soch rahe ho. Uthao ise aur chalo yahan se…”
“Main isaai nahin hoon,” Jerry replied, “Jerry mera nickname hai. Matlab dost mujhe is naam se bulate hain. Mera naam Joravar Singh hai. Mera native place, matlab pushtaini gaon, Jaipur ke paas hai. Koi dikkat nahin hai is maamle mein.”
“Tum wakai isse shaadi karna chahte ho.”
“Haan. Lekin, main pahle usse kuchh baat karna chahta hoon. Akele mein.”
Sarpanch and his wife looked at each other, then nooded and went out of the room.
Chandrima was bewildered at all that had just passed in front of her and stared at Jerry. She did not speak a word.
Jerry went and sat beside her on the bed.
“I’m sorry. Unhein chup karwane ke liye mere paas koi aur raasta nahin tha. Lekin tumhein ghabraane ki koi zaroorat nahin hai. Pahli baat – tum yahan se mere saath tabhi chalogi, agar tumhari marzi hogi. Doosri ye shaadi waali baat serious nahin hai. I mean, we both know, it’s ridiculous. Tum waise bhi minor ho. Agar koi rituals hote bhi hain, to bhi ye shaadi legally valid nahin hogi. Bas yahan se tumhein nikaalne ka zariya hogi. Meri baat samajh rahi ho? No harm will come to you, trust me. Main bas ye chahta hoon ki tum mere saath Delhi chalo, apni padhai poori karo, saare sapne poore karo. Aur in sab mein tumhein support karne ki zimmedaari meri hogi. Main jaanta hoon ki main tumhein bahut bada faisla lene ko kah raha hoon. Aur iske liye tumhari health better honi chahiye thi, aur tumhein aur samay milna chahiye tha. Lekin unfortunately we don’t have that luxury. Isse pahle ki tumhare Chacha-Chachi wapas aayen, tumhein mujhe apna faisla batana hoga. Batao. Chalna chahti ho mere saath? Mere baare mein tum shayad zyada jaanti nahin ho…”
“Jaanti hoon. Maine aapke papers dekhe hain. Aap Apollo Hospital mein hain – pediatrician.”
“Haan. Mere ghar mein aur koi nahin hai. Mere parents ki death ho chuki hai. Mere main ghar se thoda alag, lekin same compound mein ek outhouse hai, jahan tum aaraam se rah sakti ho. Koi problem nahin hogi. Mera housekeeper bhi apni family ke saath usi compound mein rahta hai. Uski 9 saal ki ek beti hai. I’m sure tumhari achchhi jamegi. Batao. Chalna chahti ho mere saath?”
“Ji,” she gave her reply in a mono-syllable.
—
A simple ceremony was held the same night for their wedding and they took a bus out of the village the next morning. Chandrima was uncomfortably wrapped in a Saaree.
Jerry told her after they got down at the bus-stop in the nearest town, “Let’s buy you some comfortable clothes. Aur ye sindoor washroom mein ja kar pochh lo. No point in attracting any attention. Yahan kissi hotel mein ruk kar fresh ho lete hain. Then we will hire a taxi to Jaipur and will take a flight from there to Delhi.”
She bought a jeans and couple of tops, he booked separate rooms in the hotel for them there as well as in Jaipur. Next day they landed in Delhi. She was settled in the outhouse, introduced to the housekeeper and his family and Jerry drove her to a mall so that she could buy personal stuff she needed to settle in.
The new session at school started in a month. She enrolled in class 11th to continue her studies. She bonded very well with Nimita, the daughter of the housekeeper Hiralal and Jerry often saw them playing together after school. Chandrima was usually very serious and composed in his presence. But he got all the news about her from Nimita. What pranks she played on her teachers and friends, what games they played together, who were her best friends and how she was doing in her school. Those stories presented the picture of a usual, lively teenager, who liked to enjoy her life.
“Are you comfortable here Chandrima? If there are any issues, anything you need, you know you can tell me,” he asked her over breakfast on a Sunday morning. He did not have to go to hospital that day and hence they were having breakfast together.
“I am very happy,” there was no hesitation in her reply.
“That’s good to hear. Still… I don’t want to feel you like you are staying in a hostel or something. This is your home and I want you to have all the support a family can give. You must come to me, whenever you need to talk. About anything, school, bullying, boys, heart-breaks – whatever!”
She blushed at that and smiled shyly, “Sure.”
She talked to him more often after that. About her teachers, friends, school. She came to him when she won a competition or when the exam results came out. She took his help in preparing for medical entrance examination and discussed her options at length after the results came out.
—
Seven years later…
Jerry found Chandrima sitting in the hall of his house reading a magazine, when he came back from the hospital one saturday afternoon. She had completed her MBBS internship and was waiting for her PG entrance examination results. So, her days were free.
“Chandrima. Good that I found you here. Mujhe tumse kuchh baat karni thi,” he said.
“Aap thake hue honge, main kuchh laun aapke liye? Chai? Cold drink?”
“Nahin. Baitho. Hiralal le aayega.”
“Koi khaas baat hai?”
“Haan. Meri Mr. Mehra se baat ho rahi thi. You know, Rohan ke father.”
“Okay?” Jerry knew Mehras and Rohan had studied in the same college as Chandrima. He was three years senior to her and had just returned after his PG in UK. Rohan and Chandrima were good friends.
“How do you like Rohan? Or rather how do you two like each other?”
“Ye… aap… kyon poochh rahe… hain?” she stammered.
“Well… you can guess. Mr. Mehra thinks Rohan likes you very much and if you like him too, you should know you have my consent!” Jerry smiled.
But her reaction completely baffled him. Her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lower lips hard.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She got up and ran away from there towards the outhouse.Jerry watched in astonishment and followed her after a while and found her in her bedroom.
“Are you scared of me?” he asked.
“No,” there was no hesitation in her reply.
“Kya maine kabhi tumhein kuchh aisa karne ke liye pressurize kiya hai jo tum nahin karna chahti thi?”
She nodded in negative.
“Phir tum aise kyon behave kar rahi ho? If you don’t like him, or if you have someone else in your life, or if you don’t want to get married for whatever reason, main tumhein force to nahin karoonga.”
“I know.”
“Phir kya problem hai?”
“Is this what you want though?”
“What?”
“For me to get married?”
“I just want you to be happy.”
She did not say anything.
“You are worrying me Chandrima. Come on, now. Tell me. Kya baat hai?”
“Kuchh nahin. Just…”
He suddenly noticed a saaree lying on her bed. Although he hadn’t seen it in so many years, he remembered it. It was the same saree in which she had left her native village seven years ago. He also saw some red powder, which looked like sindoor to him.
“What is that? Are you planning to run away with someone and get married?”
“What? What are you talking about? Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know. May be the freedom you get here is not enough any longer? May be I am proving to be some tyrant in the name of a guardian?”
“Aise baat mat kijiye, please. Kya maine kabhi aapko disappoint kiya hai? Kuchh aisa kiya hai jisse aapko sharmindagi ho?” She had tears in her eyes again.
“Nahin. Nahin. Listen. Don’t cry. Mujhe Achchha nahin lagta tum pareshaan hoti ho to. Main mazaak kar raha tha. Lekin ye sab tumne kyon nikaal rakhe hain?”
“Woh… Nimita ko chahiye the. Uske school ke kissi function ke liye.”
“Itni purani Saaree? Use chahiye to uske liye nayi khareed do. Tumhare paas paise hain na?”
“Ji. Khareed doongi.”
“Aur suno. Mujhe nahin pata ki tumne kyon aise react kiya, aur I can see ki tum mujhe nahin batana chahti ho. Lekin main intezaar karoonga, jab tum khud aa kar mujhe bataogi, jo bhi tumhare man mein hai. Till then forget about anything I said that disturbs you. And please try to smile. Tumhein…” he paused before continuing, “Tumhein dukhi dekhta hoon to I feel like a loser. Tumhein rulane ke liye to wahan se nahin laaya tha main?”
“Main khush hoon. Main yahan… aapke saath bahut khush hoon.”
He nodded and left.
—
“Hiralal. Mera kamra saaf kyon nahin kiya?” Jerry had gone out for some work early morning on the next day which was a Sunday and was surprised to find his room unkempt when he came back in the afternoon.
Hiralal came running and it looked like he was totally clueless about it. Then he said in a shaky voice, “Lagta hai bhool gaya… Main abhi kar deta hoon.”
“Bhool gaye?” Jerry was incredulous, “Poora ghar saaf kiya aur mera kamra bhool gaye. Kaisi baatein kar rahe ho Hiralal. Khair jaldi karo.”
“Ji. Bas paanch minute.”
Jerry was going out of the room leaving Hiralal to clean it up when he notice him keeping the book he was reading on the table, “Ye book table par kyon rakh rahe ho? Jo book main padh raha hota hoon, woh hamesha side-table par rahti hai.”
“Ji… Ji…”
“Tumhari tabiyat to theek hai?” Jerry looked concerned.
“Ji Doctor Sahab, bilkul theek hai.”
Jerry shook his head in exasperation and walked out. When he came back a few minutes later he heard Hiralal talking to his daughter, “Nimita. Zara outhouse ja kar dekh Chadrima didi ki tabiyat to kharaab nahin hai.”
“Kya hua Chandrima ko?”
“Nahin. Bas aise hi. Aaj subah se dekha nahin to socha pata karwa loon.”
“Nashta nahin kiya usne?”
“Maine to nahin dekha.”
Jerry looked on curiously as Nimita went out to check on Chandrima. Then feeling something was off, he decided to join Nimita and went after her.
Instead of knocking at her room door, Nimita shouted her name from outside, as was her habit, “Chandrima didi.”
“Nimita. Achchha hua tu aa gayi. Zara meri help to kar, ye pleats theek karne mein…” Chandrima opened the door hastily, but froze as soon as she saw Jerry also standing there. Jerry himself was surprised to see her wearing the Saree he had seen on her bed yesterday. Her hair was tied tightly in a bun and the sindoor was clearly visible in the middle.
“Nimita. Tum jao abhi,” he ordered the girl and she left clearly feeling the tension in the air.
Jerry entered the room and closed the door behind him.
“Nimita ke school ke function mein tum perform kar rahi ho?” he asked her hardly able to conceal his anger.
“Aap gussa kyon ho rahe hain? Saaree nikali thi aur mera man hua to maine saaree pahan li. Ismein kya problem hai?”
He grabbed her arms and dragged her in front of the dresser. “Aur ye sindoor bhi bas tumhein lagane ka yun hi man ho gaya, right? Tumhari problem kya hai? Agar koi hai tumhari zindagi mein to tum mujhe batati kyon nahin? Yun chori chhipe kuchh karne ki kya zaroorat hai?”
Chandrima turned pale and was tongue-tied. She stared blankly at him.
Jerry completely lost his temper. He shook her violently as he shouted at her, “What the hell is wrong Chandrima? Aakhir aisa kya kiya hai maine ki tum mujh par itna bhi trust nahin karti? Kab tumhein apni zindagi jeene se roka hai maine? Kaun hai ye ladka? Kaun hai tumhari zindagi mein ki tumhein mujhse yun jhooth bolne ki zaroorat pad rahi hai? Mujhse chhipne ki zaroorat pad rahi hai? Aakhir tum mujhe kuchh batati kyon nahin ho?”
“You are hurting me,” Chandrima cried.
Jerry came to his senses and let her go. But his anger was not satiated.
“For once, I feel like hurting you,” he hissed, “And you know why? Because for the first time, I have been so hurt by someone… Forget it. You won’t understand. Just tell me. Who is the bastard?”
“Please,” Chandrima sank down on her knees and broke down, “Please don’t hurt yourself. I have never let you down. I never will. Aaapko mujh par gussa aa raha hai na? To aapko mujhe jo sazaa deni ho dijiye. Jaise mujh par gussa nikalna ho nikaliye. Meri zindagi aapki di hui hai. Aap meri jaan bhi lena chahein to le sakte hain. Lekin meri wajah se aapko koi pareshaani ho, ye main nahin dekh sakti.”
This softened Jerry. He tried to think of some explanation for her behaviour, “Are you in some trouble? Kya tumhein koi pareshaan ya blackmail kar raha hai?”
“Nahin.”
“Then tell me the name, for God’s sake Chandrima. Don’t try my patience. Kahan ja rahi thi tum?”
“Mandir.”
“Kyon?”
“Kyonki aaj seventh anniversary hai… hamari shaadi ki…”
“What?!” Jerry was crestfallen, “Kya kaha tumne?”
Instead of replying she started sobbing again.
“Tum us shaadi ko… Maine tumse kaha tha ki it didn’t mean anything. You were sixteen for God’s sake. It was illegal.”
“Not invalid, unless I ask for it. Lekin legality point nahin hai. Mujhe pata hai ki aap ise nahin maante hain, aur isliye main apko nahin batana chahti thi. Aapke oopar kuchhh thopne ka mera koi iraada nahin tha. Aap please bhool jaiye ye sab…”
“Tum ye kyon kar rahi ho? It makes no sense…”
Chandrima looked at him helplessly. “I am sorry,” she said sincerely, “I really am. Lekin…”
Jerry got up and walked out of her room. She threw herself on the bed and cried her heart out.
—
“Uncle,” Nimita came to his room. He was sitting on an armchair with his head buried in his hands.
“Nimita. Kuchh kaam tha?”
“Ji…” she hesitated for a moment. Jerry suddenly realized how grown up she was. Whem her father had first come to work for him, she was five years old. Her had promised Hiralal to take care of her education and upbringing. She was sixteen now. He was reminded that Chandrima was of the same age when he had met her seven years ago.
“Kya baat hai?”
“Aap Chandrima didi ko ghar se nikaal denge kya?”
“Ye tumse kisne kaha?”
“Woh khud hamesha kahti thi, ki agar aapko pata chala to…”
“Aur kya, kya bataya hai tumhein usne?”
“Na… nahin… kuchh bhi nahin,” she got nervous as she thought Jerry was angry.
“Baitho Nimita. Please help me.”
She gingerly sat down across him on a chair.
“You are old enough to understand everything, right?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“Tumhein pata hai ki Chandrima ke saath kya hua tha aur main use yahan kyon le kar aaya tha?”
“Ji.”
“Tumhein kya lagta hai, kya maine kuchh galat kiya tha?”
“Nahin. Bilkul nahin. Aap aisa kyon kah rahe hain?”
“Kyonki main tumhari madad maang raha hoon, isliye samajhna chahta hoon ki tumhara perspective kya hai.”
“Main kya madad kar sakti hoon.”
“Chandrima se sabse zyada close tum ho, right?”
“Haan.”
“Jab tum chhoti thi to mujhe uske baare mein sab kuchh bataya karti thi. Woh kya karti hai, kaise rahti hain, kya shararatein karti hai. Hai na?”
Nimita grew emotional as she nodded.
“Lekin phir… I think pichhle kuchh saalon se mujhe uske baare mein kuchh bhi nahin pata hai. college aur padhai ke alaawa. Shayad tum kuchh jaanti ho jo mujhe pata hona chahiye. Bataogi mujhe?”
“Mujhe nahin pata aap kya janna chahte hain. Lekin… woh aapko bahut maanti hain… Aaj aapka kamra isliye saaf nahin hua tha kyonki jab se woh yahan aayi hain, zidd kar ke aapka kamra hamesha woh khud saaf karti hain. Papa ko nahin karne deti. Aaj woh aayi nahin yahan – isliye Papa ko laga ki unki tabiyat to kharaab nahin hai. Aapke kapde bhi khud dhoti hain, dry cleaning mein bhi dene ho to khud dene jaati hain. Har saal aaj ke din mandir jaati hain. Aur aapke khilaaf mazaak mein bhi kuchh nahin sun sakti…”
“Kab se chal raha hai ye sab?” Jerry interrupted. He felt like he couldn’t hear more.
“Jab se woh yahan aayi hain.”
“Theek hai. Tum abhi jao.”
“Ji,” Nimita left, but stopped at the door, turned back and said, “Unhone aaj subah se kuchh nahin khaya hai. Woh mandir ja kar hi khaati hain, aaj ke din. Aur abhi bistar par padi ro rahi hain.”
“Main dekhta hoon,” Jerry replied calmly, but a storm was brewing inside him.
—
He took his car out, called on her mobile, asked her to come out and took her to the temple. He led her directly to the dining table, after coming back and forced her to eat her usual diet. Then he asked her to meet him in his room.
“Darwaza bhida do,” he told her when she came to his room.
“Baitho,” he indicated towards the chair on which Nimita had sat earlier in the day.
But she did not sit down, “I am sorry. Meri wajah se aap itne pareshaan ho rahe hain. Lekin… aapko is baare mein sochne ki koi zaroorat nahin hai. Main kuchh bhi aisa nahin karoogi jisse…”
“Baitho Chandrima,” he interrupted and insisted. She obeyed him, but remained on the edge of the chair.
“Har wo cheez,” he spoke again, “jisse tumhari zindagi ke faisle affect hote hain, uske baare mein sochne ki mujhe zaroorat hai. Tumhein pata hai, jab main tumse pahli baar mila tha to tumhari umra mujhse exactly aadhi thi.” He paused to see if she reacted, but she did not. He continued, “You were a kid back then. And very vulnerable. Helpless. Main tumhein apne saath laaya and you saw me as a savior, a hero perhaps. But you must get over it. Your life can’t be stuck on me Chandrima. You have to live your life and someone sixteen years older to you can’t be the right life partner for you. I am not asking you to get married right away or anything like that. But, you have to outgrow this hero-worshipping. You must. This is not healthy.”
“Maine aapko kaha na. Agar aap chahein to meri jaan le sakte hain. My life belongs to you, lekin meri feelings ko insult karne ka aapko bhi koi haq nahin hai.”
“Meri baat samajhne ki koshish karo Chandrima… Main koi insult nahin kar raha hoon…”
“Your parents were separated when you were young. So, you have a commitment-phobia. You can’t form close relationships; that is difficult for you to do. Although aapke friends bahut hain. You smoke a lot, but you are extremely conscious of your image as a doctor. You don’t want to be a bad role-model for anyone around you, including me or Nimita. So, you always smoke secretly.And… I know you too well to hero-worship you. And I am no longer the vulnerable, helpless child. I am not half your age either.”
She had manage to disorient him by spewing out one thing about him after another. But he gathered himself together and smiled slightly, “So, you are well prepared to be a good psychiatrist, I can see that. And yes – you are not half my age now. I am not growing at twice the rate than you are. But…”
“To you I am still the vulnerable, helpless child?”
“I hope not. Agar aisa hua to, I would have failed miserably.”
“You haven’t.”
“Tum kya chahti ho? You want to spend your life with an old, commitment-phobic man with smoking problem.”
“Main woh karoongi, jo aap chahte hain.”
“Lekin tum kya chahti ho? Main tumse ye poochh raha hoon.”
“Main bas kuchh aur bol kar aap ko dukhi aur pareshaan nahin karna chahti hoon. I think mujhe chalna chahiye.”
“Nahin Chandrima. Bhaago mat mere sawaalon se. Jawaab do.”
“Main aapka saath dena chahti hoon, jaise ki aapne mera diya hai. Aapke akelepan ko door karna chahti hoon. Aapko khush rakhna chahti hoon. Lekin irony ye hai ki mera ye chahna hi aapko dukhi kar raha hai. To agar aap meri chahat poori karna chahte hain, to uska ek-matra tareeka ye hai ki aap bhool jayen in sab ke baare mein.”
After that she did not wait for his permission and left the room.
—
“Kahan the aap do dinon se?” Chandrima shouted on Jerry when she saw him entering the house.
“Main andar aa jaun pahle?”
“Aap itni irresponsible harquat kaise kar sakte hain? Kissi ko to bata kar jaana tha. Phone bhi off tha. Aapke saare friends ko phone kiya humne. Sab ghabraye hue hain. Hum police ke paas jaane waale the. Lekin thankfully hospital se pata chala ki aap leave le kar gaye hain. Yahan Nimita ne ro-ro kar apne bura haal kar rakha hai, school bhi nahin ja rahi…”
“Aur tum?”
“Aur main? Kya sunna chahte hain aap mere baare mein? Ye kya aapka tareeka tha mujhse sazaa dene ka? Mujhe jeete-jee guilt se maarne ka? Soch kya rahe the aap?”
“Andar chalo. Batato hoon.”
Still furious, she followed him to his room.
“Main ye soch raha tha,” he said and paused before continuing, “ki mera kamra theek karne ki Hiralal ki aadat chhoot gayi hai. Woh kitabein, papers, medicines, sab galat jagah par rakh deta hai.To agar ye kaam tum kar deti, to meri life phir se aasaan ho jati.”
“Ji?”
“Karogi?”
Chandrima was confused at first, then extremely happy. She almost had tears in her eyes and she bit her lips to stop herself from smiling too broadly.
“Ji. Aap fresh ho jaiye. Main Nimita ko bata doon, phir kar deti hoon.”
She sprang out of the room and Jerry smiled after her.
—
“Come in,” Jerry said on hearing a knock at his door.
“Aap chai piyenge?” she had already brought the tea.
“Yeah. Aao. Baitho.”
She handed him a cup and sat down on a chair.
Jerry noticed that she was trying hard to stop herself from breaking into a blushing smile in his presence.
“Aap kahan gaye the? Aur kyon?” she asked.
“Kuchh plan kar ke nahin gaya tha. Zyada door bhi nahin gaya tha. Ourskrits par ek resort mein check-in kiya tha.”
“Lekin aise kyon chale gaye the aap? Meri wajah se?”
“Apni wajah se. Main bahut zyada confuse ho gaya tha. Maine suljhane ki koshish ki, apni uljhanon ko. Lekin… Yahan rah kar, sab logon ke beech, patients, colleagues, friends… apne man ke andar jhaankne ka mauka milta hi nahin hai. Isliye maine hospital se leave li aur nikal gaya. I needed some me-time.”
“Aur kya pata chala aapko apne me-time mein?”
Chandrima’s face fell at what he said next, “Confusions khatam nahin hue mere, Chandrima. Mujhe abhi bhi nahin pata hai ki tumhari feelings… sahi hain ya nahin.” She averted her eyes. But the same eyes shone, when he added, “Lekin apne baare mein main itna jaan gaya hoon ki mujhe tumhari aadat ho gayi hai. Kabhi acknowledge nahin kiya maine, kyonki kabhi is baare mein socha nahin. Lekin in do dinon mein hi mahsoos hua ki tum meri day to day life ka kitna bada hisaa ho. Aur tumhare mere saath hone ki wajah se meri transitory relationships, lack of meaningful friends – in sab cheezon se mujhe pareshaani nahin hoti. I would hate to lose you Chandrima. Lekin isse zyada main abhi kuchh promise nahin kar sakta…”
“Isse zyada aapko kuchh bhi karne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Aap mujhse naaraaz nahin hain, meri wajah se pareshaan nahin hain, mujhe aur kuchh nahin chahiye. Nahin – actually ek cheez chahiye. Aapko mere liye apni zindagi rokne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Lekin please, please mujhe kabhi kissi se shaadi karne ko mat kahiyega. Agar meri wajah se aapko koi problem hui to aap bas mujhe bol dijiyega – main chali jaungi aapki zindagi se. Lekin us raaste se nahin…”
“Tum kahin nahin jaogi. Chai piyo apni,” Jerry said most casually, making her smile.
“Aur haan,” he spoke suddenly after a while.
“Ji?”
“Agar tumhein Saree pahanna ka shauk ho, to please ek nayi khareed lena. Woh bahut purani ho gayi hai and it looks really cheap.”
Chandrima laughed slightly, “Ji. Khareed loongi.”
—
Chandrima was a different person from that day onwards in Jerry’s presence. She was more like the girl from the stories Nimita used to tell him about her. She seemed to be almost dancing around when she walked, she joined him for breakfast and meals, whenever he was at home, talked about her day to day affair more often and most surprising of all, she had started taking liberties with him and would even boss him around. If one day he found the curtains of his rooms changed, then on the other a flower pot had appeared there.
“Hiralal. Sabzi mein namak kam hai,” he told the housekeeper during dinner once.
“Maine kaha tha kam daalne ko.”
“Kyon?”
“Aapke last 5 check-ups mein aapka BP badhta ja raha hai. And prevention is better than cure.”
“Lekin – this is taste-less.”
“Aadat pad jayegi. Main bhi wahi kha rahi hoon. Aapko akele nahin diya hai.”
At another time she handed him a small bag from a chemist’s shop.
“Ye kya hai?”
“Nicotine patches.”
“What?”
“Aap smoking chhodna chahte hain, right?”
“Mujhse nahin hoga, Chandrima.”
“Of course, hoga. Main hoon na karwane ke liye.”
Her attire at home had also changed. Jerry noticed that she was wearing salwaar-kameez more often than jeans and skirts that she usually preferred. And she looked a lot more grown up in the Indian attire, he could not help observing.
—
“Tumhara result aa gaya?” Jerry walked into her room. He had come straight from the hospital and hadn’t even kept his bag in his room. Her PG entrance results were expected that day.
“12 baje website par daalenge woh log.”
“5 minute bache hain…”
“Main pichhle ek ghante se refresh kar rahi hoon. Ki kahin pahle daal dein.”
“Relax. Tumne bahut mehnat ki hai…”
“Aa gaya…”
“Kya?” Jerry also leaned in front of the computer. The page took a few seconds to load. Chandrima literally jumped on seeing her rank. She would easily get admission in the college and discipline of her choice.
“Oh my God… Thank God… I am so happy…” In her excitement, she suddenly jumped on Jerry and hugged him. He was taken by surprise; so he stumbled a bit and did not reciprocate. Chandrima realized what she had done in her excitement and stepped back looking embarrassed.
“Didi,” it was Nimita’s voice they heard before they could say anything to each other. As they tried to make the expressions on their faces normal, Nimita barged in, “Result aa gaya?”
“Haan Nimita,” Chandrima hugged her and said, “Aa gaya aur aisa aaya ki tujhe teri treat bhi milegi.”
“Sach? To aapko apni pasand ki branch mein admission mil jayega.”
“Yesss!” she could not hide her excitement.
“Congratulations Chandrima,” Jerry finally said.
“Thank you,” she said and lowered her eyes, as she remembered her audacious act for a few moments before.
“Main chalta hoon,” he said and walked out.
—
“Uncle?”
“Yes Nimita.”
“Chandrima didi mujhe aaj raat treat de rahi hain. Aap bhi hamare saath chalenge?”
“Main? Main kya karoonga… Tum log jao, enjoy karo.”
“Please chaliye na. Agar unhone kanjoosi ki to paise to aapko hi dene padenhe na. Please, please chaliye.”
Jerry thought for a moment, then agreed, “Theek hai. Chalte hain.”
—
The restaurant they went to was in a mall. While coming back after dinner, Jerry suddenly stopped in front of a store.
“Kya hua?” Chandrima asked.
“Ye dress…” he pointed towards a white salwaar-kameez put up in the show-case of a store. It had a thin golden border, and white thread work on body, “kaisi lag rahi hai tumhein?”
“Achchhi hai. Kyon?”
“To try kar ke dekho. Agar sahi aaye to khareed lo.”
“Ji?”
“Ab tumne itna achchha perform kiya exam mein. Koi gift to milna chahiye tumhein.”
Chandrima looked from Jerry to Nimita and back not knowing what to do.
Nimita grinned, “Chaliye na didi. Pay aap karenge na Uncle? Inki pocket-money to nahin kharch hogi.”
“Nahin,” Jerry smiled, “Main pay karoonga. Aur Nimita. Tumhein bhi kuchh pasand aaye to le lo.”
Nimita dragged Chandrima in.
After returning home, Chandrima kept caressing and hugging the dress till late at night. She was unable to sleep.
—
“Kya baat hai? Itna elaborate khaana kyon ban raha hai, Kaka?” Chandrima asked Hiralal. She had come to the ktichen to get some snacks for herself having just returned after her classes and ward duties.
“Doctor Sahab ka phone aaya tha. Unki koi colleague khane par aa rah hain.”
“Oh! Kaun?”
“Shayad nayi aayi hain hospital mein. Mujhe zyada pata nahin.”
“Achchha.”
Chandrima was introduced to Dr. Meera Joshi during dinner. She had recently joined Jerry’s hospital and was still settling down in a new city and job.
“And this is Dr. Chandrima Rathore,” Jerry gave her introduction, “Currently doing her PG. Specializing in Psychiatry.” He explained her presence with him by her being a tenant of his outhouse, as he had done with most of his friends, colleagues and acquaintances. But for some reason the introduction as tenant made Chandrima uncomfortable that day. She fidgeted and Jerry noticed it as well. She tried to deny it to herself, but even Meera’s presence was bothering her. Jealousy? She wondered, but tried to shake the feelings off. Jerry was observing her more closely than she was aware.
Unable to sleep at night, she decided to take a walk in the lawn. Before going out, on an urge, she changed into the white salwaar-kameez Jerry had bought for her a couple of months back. While walking she was startled by somebody calling her from behind.
“Kaun hai?” she cried in fear.
“Hush. Main hoon. Dar kyon rahi ho?” It was Jerry to her relief.
“Sorry. Main… I didn’t expect you.”
“Ye dress… Bahut achchhi lag rahi hai tum par.”
“Ji?” she was surprised by the sudden complement, but replied calmly after that, “Thank you.”
“Aise akele raat mein kyon pahni hai. Kabhi din mein pahan kar nahin dikhayi.”
“Bas… Aise hi… Kabhi koi mauka hi nahin tha.”
“Waise ab tak soyi nahin?”
“Neend nahin aa rahi thi.”
“Kyon?”
“Pata nahin. Aapko kyon nahin aayi?”
“Kyonki main kuchh soch raha tha… Tumhare baare mein…”
“Mere baare mein? Kya?”
“Chandrima. About Dr. Meera. I wanted to tell you ki woh mere ek friend ki sister hain. Shahar mein nayi hain, aur mere friend ne mujhe unki help karne ko kaha. Bas isliye maine unhein yahan invite kar liya tha…”
“Aap ye sab mujhe kyon explain kar rahe hain?”
“I could see ki tumhein bura laga…”
“Ye aapka ghar hai. Aap jise chahein la sakte hain. Main kyon bura maanoongi,” she said, but her tone showed that she was not speaking with conviction. Also, she could not meet his eyes while saying all this.
“Aisa hai to nazarein mila kar kyon nahin kah rahi ye baat?”
“Aap baal ki khaal nikaal rahe hain…”
“Really?”
“Mujhe koi haq nahin hai bura mahsoos karne ka. Ye baat hum dono jaante hain. Phir ye conversation kyon ho raha hai hamare beech?”
“Kyonki mujhe realize ho gaya hai ki mere indecision se tumhein kitni taqleef ho rahi hogi. And I wanted to apologize…”
“Aap kyon pareshaan ho rahe hain phir se? Meri life bilkul perfect hai. Main aapke kissi decision ka intezaar nahin kar rahi hoon. Aapko pata hai na ki main aapke saamne decision lene ka koi mauka aane hi nahin dena chahti thi. Bas haalaat hi kuchh aise ho gaye ki…”
“Ki Bhagwaan ne mere jaise commitment-phobic insaan ke liye ek itni committed ladki bhej di.”
Chandrima stared at him wide-eyed.
“I am sorry. I am sorry, Chandrima. Itne saalon se tumehin aur tumhari feelings ko na samajh paane ke liye. In fact, tumhare liye even apni feelings ko na samajh paane ke liye. Maine kabhi hamare rishte ko koi naam dene ki koshish nahin ki, zaroorat nahin samjhi. Kabhi mahsoos hi nahin kiya ki tumhari wajah se, I always had someone to come back home to, even if only to ask how was your day or how were your studies progressing. I just took you and your presence for granted. Because you were always there for me. Unconditionally. I never had to do anything for you. All these years of neglect, ignoring, taking as granted… Aur phir jab reality mere saamne aayi, jab mujhe khud se kuchh difficult questions poochhne pade, then I was indecisive. Pahle to it was about you and me. Is it right for us? Lekin jab maine sirf apne dil ki baat sun kar, in sab sawaalon ko ignore karne ki soch bhi li, tab bhi ek doosra sawaal mere saamne uth khada hua. Log kya kahenge? Everyone who has seen you under this roof, all these years. Aur isliye apne man ki baat, tumhare man ki baat pata hone ke bawjood maine kuchh kiya nahin.”
“Bas kijiye,” Chandrima was teary-eyed, “Aap baar-baar ye kyon kah rahe hain ki aapne mere liye kuchh kiya nahin. Agar Daddy bhi hote to shayad mere liye utna nahin karte jitna aapne kiya. Ho sakta hai ki jis din maine apni wrist kaati thi, us din mujhe aapki jagah koi aur marne se bacha leta. Lekin shareer ko bachane se kya hota. Meri to spirit mar gayi thi, hopes mar gayi thi. Mujhe sirf physically nahin, mentally aur emotionally bhi aapne dubara zinda kiya hai. Meri saari zimmedaariyan uthayi. Aur aapke itna sab kuchh karne ke baad agar sirf mere aapke aas-paas rahne se aapko zara bhi achchha lagta hai, aapka akelapan thoda bhi door hota hai, to meri to zindagi safal ho gayi. Aapko mere liye aur kuchh bhi karne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Logon ke koi sawaal face karne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Main yahin hoon, aur marte dum tak yahin rahungi. Aapko kuchh karne ki zaroorat nahin hai…”
“Tumhare liye nahin hai zaroorat shayad. Mere liye hai. Allow me Chandrima. To make it right in the future and to try and make up for all these years.”
“Main sapna dekh rahi hoon, right?”
Jerry smiled, came forward and drew her in his arms.
“Agar ye sapna hai,” he said, as their arms tightened around each other, “To main ise kabhi tootne nahin doonga.”
– The End –