Mish' Fiction

Four years later…

Paritosh had just delivered a guest lecture for Rupali’s class at JHU (Johns Hopkins University). She was now an Assistant Professor there. Paritosh was in the US to attend a conference at UCB (University of California, Berkeley), but he had made a stop at JHU to meet her.

“What time is your flight?” she asked.

“We have about six hours before I have to leave for the airport.”

“We… can go… home… if that is fine by you,” Rupali proposed hesitatingly.

“Sure. I need to compensate for all the hostel day celebrations I missed.”

She chuckled, looking embarrassed, “I really pestered you about it, didn’t I?”

“And then you forgot about it when I was all prepared to go.”

“Yes,” she became thoughtful and nostalgic.

“And since that year,” Paritosh spoke after a pause, “I have not missed a single hostel day. And it is silly, but somehow I always find myself looking for you when I go there, before reminding myself that you are not there.”

She smiled uncertainly.

“I wonder though. I always see the otherwise nerdy engineering students all decked up for the hostel day. Did you do that too? Or did you attend that also in your I-am-forever-a-teenager attire?” they had reached her home and she was parking her car.

“You disliked my attire so much?” she frowned.

“No. On the contrary, I liked them very much. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering how you would look all decked up.”

Rupali paused to open the door and spoke once they were inside her house, “I can show you the photos.”

“Or I could see it in real life.”

“Now?”

“No. On a suitable occasion.”

“What occasion?”

“I was hoping you have someone in your life by now. And someday soon, I would see you all decked up. In a traditional Bengali wedding. Actually, even an American wedding would do.”

“Dr. Khanna!” Rupali should have known that he wouldn’t try to flirt with her. What wasn’t right in his eyes four years ago was not going to miraculously become right now. But as irrational as they were, her hopes had a tendency to rekindle themselves at the slightest of the pretexts. The way the conversation was going had given them more than ample reasons. But he had stayed true to his character and had given the conversation just the turn that was expected of him. Rupali was embarrassed for more than one reasons.

“It is difficult to ask these things over e-mails or phone, Rupali. But I… I do feel responsible. And I need to know that you have moved on. You are young and you have your entire life before you.”

“If moving on is your problem, then rest assured. I have dated, I have had relationships. But don’t demand a commitment from me.”

“You haven’t found the right person yet?”

“May be. It is difficult to find someone who thinks that I being myself is all right and that it even makes me special.” Paritosh chuckled at that and Rupali joined in. Then she added, “But more likely I am not the right person for someone to settled with.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. I am scared of commitment.”

“Why?”

“What if someday I realize that committing to that person was not a good idea?”

“You mean what if someday you find yourself in my position?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I do know you well enough, Rupali. Unfortunately I became your role-model even where I shouldn’t have.”

“Don’t blame yourself for that, please.”

“Rupali. You don’t have anything to fear. You are not going to commit in the world I committed in. My world didn’t allow for personal considerations or tastes, it did not allow two individuals to make decisions for themselves. It was always about others. First about your parents, society, then about the helpless girl you married, then about your kids. If that is the kind of commitment you are asked to make, don’t make it. But you can do better. You can make commitments for your own happiness.”

“Tell me the story of your marriage,” she switched on the coffee-maker and brought out some snacks from the kitchen cabinet.

“There is no story. My mother was ill. She wouldn’t leave our village for her treatment though. Her only wish was to see me back in India and get me married. I complied. The girl, of course, had to be ready to stay with her in the village and take care of her even if I worked elsewhere. She, with the help of my relatives, chose Amrit. And Amrit was the very incarnation of my mother’s idea of a good daughter-in-law. She took care of my mother till she drew her last breath. She did things I have seen professional nurses wince at. The old woman died peacefully. I am indebted to my wife for that.”

Rupali smiled, “You have always been thinking about others. Since those days.”

“Don’t make me sound like a martyr. Those were the circumstances, and those were the expectations people like us were brought up with. There are many like me.”

“May be. But in my life there is only one like you.”

“Have it your way, then. But don’t let my experience dictate yours.”

“I will keep that in mind. Coffee is ready. Let me get you some. I still don’t cook much. We can go out for lunch. Any preferences?”

“You are the host! By the way Amrit sent something for you.”

“She knows you are here?”

“Yes. Here are some home-made mathris. I wasn’t sure it would make past customs. But I couldn’t explain that to her. Thankfully, customs did not bother,” he took out a box from his suitcase and handed it over to her.

“Wow! Thank her on my behalf. And–” she suddenly fell silent.

“What happened?”

“I feel guilty that she thinks so well of me. I was more comfortable with her feelings towards me for the few days when she hated me.”

“What do you have to feel guilty about?”

“My feelings?”

“They don’t matter in her world, Rupali. What you do is all that matters. And you haven’t done anything to feel guilty. If my conscience is clear, yours should be too.”

“You are right,” Rupali smiled weakly.

“By the way,” Paritosh chuckled as he thought of what he was going to tell her next, “Amrit thinks that I am responsible for you not getting married.”

“How so?” Rupali was alarmed.

“She thinks that the incident where you had told the police that we were together that night has marred your reputation and no good proposals come your way now.”

“What?” Rupali laughed out loud.

Paritosh smiled fondly, “Thank God. You are still as loud.”

“Not many people thank God for that,” her laughter vanished and didn’t leave even a smile in its wake.

“You will find the one person who will. And that is all that would matter.”

Hours flew by as they alternately experienced the feelings of hilarity, camaraderie and longing for each other through their conversation. Soon Rupali had parked the car at the airport to send Paritosh off. They did not talk for the last few minutes. As they stood in the terminal facing each other, unspoken emotions clouded their faces and mind yet again. And yet again, it fell to Paritosh to break the silence, “It’s time. Take care, Rupali.”

She nodded and forced a smile, while blinking back her tears. “Dr. Khanna,” she called him just as he turned to leave, “Forgive me for this, but I have to.” Then giving him no time to prepare, she went forward and hugged him tight. Paritosh was startled, but then he let go of the strolley bag he was holding and put his arms around her. His left hand went over her back, while with the right hand he protectively held her head, pressing it into his chest. He could feel a drop or two of her tears wetting his t-shirt.

They separated after a few moments. Paritosh turned and walked off wordlessly. The volcano became active whenever they were together. He couldn’t risk being near it any longer!

– The End –

P. S. I can anticipate the demands of uniting them ultimately 🙂 But not all love stories are the same. This isn’t a story of passion and romance and union. This is a story of longing and separation and unfulfilled desires. The pain is what will keep them going. There will be no continuation!

“Rupali. It’s time for some future planning.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your course work gets over next semester, right?”

“Yes.”

“With the amount of research output you have already produced, after that within four to five months you should be ready to defend your Ph. D. thesis.”

Rupali stared at him, astonished, while he continued, “That means you would have finished your Ph. D. in one year from now. You should start looking up the places you would want to do a post-doc at and start applying.”

“This is so sudden!” she said, not quite knowing how to react.

“Not really. I am planning for next one year. But yes, in the time frame of research world, it’s fairly short.”

“I have been here for barely eighteen months.”

“Yes. So, you will get a Ph. D. in record time. That isn’t surprising. If you had joined after an MS or M. Tech. your course work requirement would have been lesser and you would have finished even earlier.”

“Right,” Rupali mumbled. It was all she could do to not burst out with everything she had been keeping buried inside her. So, this was his plan for “not for long”. He was preparing to throw her out of his life. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. But she did not want to cry before him again. “Excuse me,” she said and got up.

As she left, Paritosh was engulfed with a suffocating sense of wretchedness. His face distorted in pain as he looked at her receding form. He had pushed his luck here. He hadn’t expected it to be so easy. He  had expected her to be furious. He  had expected her to fight back, and fight hard. And then he had hoped that she would agree to his plan like she always did. Giving up, despite disagreeing. But none of that happened. He felt that he had killed something vital inside her. He had broken her. Of all the people in the world, he shouldn’t have been the one to break her like that.

And yet! What else could he have done? He had to do what was ultimately right for her.They couldn’t be living near an active volcano for long.

—

Rupali worked like a maniac for next eight months. She often spent entire nights in the lab, going back to the hostel only to shower and change, then coming back to the lab again. Dark circles were evident around her eyes.

Paritosh grew worried. “You will fall ill at this rate, Rupali,” he tried to bring her to her senses, “Slow down. You are not running out of time.”

“I’m fine.”

“Research is a long-distance race, Rupali. You can’t burn yourself out like this.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

He had once believed that Rupali ultimately gave in to him despite fighting him. As if it was something she couldn’t help. But now he realized that she gave in only when she wanted to. In the beginning, he had been unable to change her mind about going to the US for Ph. D. or about writing GATE. Now again, he could do nothing to rein her in. She refused to take care of herself, to observe any limits for her health and well-being. So he started doing whatever he could to take care of her. One day she found her drawer filled with energy bars. At other times, he would summon her to his office and force her to have milk, tea or food. She resisted even that initially, but afterwards started obliging him by eating whatever he offered. While that made the situation slightly better, it was by no means healthy. But she did not let Paritosh change her mind about anything else at all.

—

“Sir,” Vineeta, a final year undergraduate student doing her B. Tech. Project with him, was at the door.

“Yes, Vineeta. Come in.”

“Sir. Day after is our hostel day. If Rupali has not already invited you, I would like to invite you and your family for it.” Paritosh was taken aback. It had been a year already? Why did Rupali not invite him? It was not the Diwali week and he wasn’t going anywhere else either.

“Thanks, Vineeta. Rupali had asked me. But I am not sure I will be able to make it. If I can, I will definitely meet you there. But don’t get coupons for me. Rupali would have it. Thanks a lot for the invitation and sorry.”

“No problem, Sir. But I hope you are able to make it. The celebrations are going to be really good this time. Our batch is organizing it.”

“I am sure,” he smiled.

He kept waiting for next two days. Rupali did not invite him. He realized, finally, that she wasn’t even aware of the hostel day this time. The evening when her hostel-mates were celebrating, she was in the lab. Most of her experiments and simulations were already over. She was now working on writing her thesis.

He walked into the lab, which was deserted, except for Rupali. “Rupali. You–”

“Dr. Khanna,” she said excitedly, “I think I am done. I only have to proof-read it. Otherwise my thesis is ready. And I can defend any time.”

“That’s great,” he tried hard, but could not match the enthusiasm she showed.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t have to keep up any pretenses around me now, Dr. Khanna. Nor do you have to worry about me. I am going to leave you alone very soon.”

“And that’s what you have been overworking yourself for all these days, rather months?”

“You wanted me to finish quickly, didn’t you?”

“I did, didn’t I? But I wanted it because I knew you were capable of it. That didn’t mean I wanted you to torture yourself like this. Why would you not listen to me, Rupali? I did not want any harm to come to you. I have always wanted the best for you. And I always will.”

“I know. I just–,” she averted her eyes and she choked on her words for a moment. She spoke again after clearing her throat, “I did not want to be the reason behind any troubles in your life.”

“I will miss you, Rupali,” Paritosh finally let his guards down and spoke his heart out, “I will miss you terribly. In fact, I have already been missing you for last so many months. The Rupali I knew has been lost to me, already. But at least you were around. There was a hope that one fine morning you will change back to your usual self. And then you will come to my office excited about a new paper you stumbled upon, fight with me over something trivial, invite me for the hostel day, get upset with me if I missed it. You had stopped doing all of that. But there was still a hope. Now that will be gone too. I will miss you.”

Both their eyes were moist.

“But you will not stop me?” she asked after a pause.

“No. Not for the life of mine.”

They stood in silence, their eyes locked on each other, for once not trying to stop them from revealing the raw emotions of their hearts.

Finally, Paritosh broke the trance by asking, “Where have you decided to take up the post-doc?”

“JHU. A great machine learning and NLP group.” Rupali played her part by answering.

“Good choice.”

“Dr. Khanna?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you keep in touch? Or is that also–”

“When did I say I won’t? I’m hoping to collaborate with you.”

“Why do you want to send me away, then?”

“One, it’s not good for you career to be staying here all your life. Two, us being in proximity is like an active volcano. If it erupts, too many people will be hurt. I can’t take that on my conscience. Nor can you.”

Rupali looked away. She couldn’t argue with that.

“If possible, Rupali, don’t be mad at me. I could have done better by you. I am letting you down. But I am torn between responsibilities. And I am not rebellious enough to–”

“Even in this,” she interrupted, “You are my role-model. I will miss you, but I will always admire how you thought about others before yourself. Not just your family, you also prioritized my career, my future and my well-being over your feelings.”

Paritosh closed his eyes and took a few moment to gain control of himself and of the situation he was in. Then he said, “Take some rest tonight. You look ill. Let’s discuss your defense tomorrow morning.”

He walked out before he could do something stupid and damaging. Rupali sank down in her chair and cried her heart out.

—

To be continued

Paritosh was aware that trying to resolve this on the street will create a scene. So, even though it meant losing a few minutes he took out his car. Driving, he managed to catch up with Rupali within minutes.

“Get in,” he pulled up beside her and lowered the window.

“I’m fine,” she tried to avoid him.

“Get in, Rupali,” he drove slowly to keep pace with her.

For how long could she avoid and resist him? She stopped walking, and climbed in. They drove to the department, then walked to his office in silence.

“Will you tell me what happened?” he asked after they were assured of complete privacy inside his office.

“I don’t know. Nothing happened. I don’t know why I broke down.”

“I think you know. But you don’t want to say it.”

Rupali gulped hard and looked at him. Did he want her to say it?

“And that is a wise thing to do,” he added, “Some things in life are best left unsaid. Some feelings are best left unexpressed. But that does not mean they are not understood and appreciated.”

She lowered her eyes. Did it mean he understood?

“But don’t feel dejected, Rupali, if they can’t be reciprocated. We are social animals. We live for people other than ourselves. Do you understand?”

Of course, she did. He was well-respected man. Married, with a family to look after. He couldn’t reciprocate her feelings.

“What is important is to not get stuck on people who can’t reciprocate your feelings. Whatever be their reasons, it’s not you. Your feelings are beautiful, you heart is loving. You must bestow them on someone deserving.”

Silent tears started flowing from her eyes again. “Please don’t cry. If not for yourself, for the sake of people who don’t like seeing you unhappy. Please, Rupali. Tears can hurt.”

She had hero-worshipped him for years. But nothing he had said over the years had touched her like that did. She hoped that her goosebumps were not visible. Outwardly, she nodded and wiped off her tears.

“There is no water in this bottle. Let me get you some. Sit down untill then.”

He brought her water from the water cooler located in the common room.

She took a sip, then said, “I should go back to the hostel now. You should also go home. Your family will be waiting.”

“Yes. But your eyes are swollen. Unless you want to explain this to everybody, you might want to wait here for a while and leave after you are better. I am leaving the spare keys of the office. Keep them with you.”

“Thanks!”

“Just don’t think of jumping off the window,” he joked, but with a sad smile as he recalled the face of the dead student.

“If I have to jump off, I will find somebody else’s office. I will never put you in trouble, Dr. Khanna. Come what may,” Rupali replied resolutely.

“I know,” he smiled, looked her over helplessly. He would have liked to pull her into a tight hug, but he was bound by his sense of propriety and duty.

—

Rupali was about to enter Paritosh’ office when she heard Milind’s voice and stopped.

“That’s straight out of Bollywood movies, Paritosh. Too bad I wasn’t here to witness it. She must be madly in love with you to do something like that.”

“Hmm…” Paritosh didn’t react to that, not even to deny it.

“Did I cross a line there? But come on, Paritosh. We are friends. I’m not going to go around complaining to Amrit.”

Paritosh chuckled, “That is not my worry, MM. Even if you tell Amrit, she is not going to listen to a word against Rupali now. After that incident–”

“Lucky man.”

Paritosh laughed this time and Rupali felt her chest tighten, “You don’t give me much credit for being a nice and honest man, MM. Just because a young girl hero-worships me, you think I am going to take advantage of her and cheat on my wife?”

“The bourgeois notions of right and wrong, some would say. Number one, I think you are as head over heals in love with her, as she is with you. Number two, are you happy in your marriage?”

“Number one is irrelevant. About number two – how should I define happiness? If marital happiness is in finding an intellectual companion, an equal person to be your partner, with whom you can look at the life and the world together, then I would be miserable. But happiness could mean simpler things. A cozy home, a caring wife, a wonderful kid, peaceful life. I should be very happy from that perspective.”

“Are you?”

“When I had married Amrit, I hadn’t given her a checklist of what my happiness would mean. She tries to keep me happy the way she knows. I have to do the same. That’s the deal.”

“And Rupali? Is it fair to her?”

“She might come across as a brat sometimes, MM. But she is mature. And she understands things. Nobody can do anything about their feelings. But she knows that there is no relationship and no future in these feelings. Period.”

“That’s an active volcano you are living with.”

“Not for long.”

Milind’s mobile rang just then.

“Excuse me, I have to take this call. I will catch up with you later,” As Milind came out of the office, Rupali moved away from the door, so that he didn’t see her. Then she went in pretending she hadn’t heard anything. “Not for long” was stuck in her mind though. What did Paritosh mean by that?

—

To be continued

“I just got a call from Ma. Nimrit is missing,” Amrit ignored Rupali and addressed Paritosh. She was distressed and disoriented.

“I will come back later,” Rupali said and made to go, but Paritosh stopped her, “No Rupali. Wait.” It was the time to come out clean.

“What does she have to do in this?” Amrit broke down, “I don’t know where my sister is. In what condition? I didn’t know she was this immature. How could she… It has been almost two weeks–”

“Nimrit is safe, Amrit. She is fine.”

“What? How do you know?”

“She contacted me.”

“She is in Delhi?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What do you think we should do about her?”

“Why? Send her back to her in-laws, what else?”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It has taken her years to gather courage and run away from her oppressive and abusive in-laws. I can’t send her back to that hell.”

“You don’t understand. That’s not how it works. Not in our society. She was always impatient. But I didn’t think she would act so immaturely. She has to go back. What will people say? Her in-laws and my parents have covered it up till now. But for how long?”

“And all this is more important to you than your sister’s life?”

“She exaggerates. That’s how she has always been. She is my baby sister. Take me to her. I will give her a piece of mind. It’s nothing.”

“What you are calling ‘nothing’ is years of abuse according to the doctor.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“Take me to her.”

“Only if you agree to not tell anyone in the family about it.”

“All the relations will break down when people come to know of this,” Amrit was desolate.

“And why is it so important to you?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, sounding defeated, “You don’t understand the sanctity of relations.” She threw a tearful glance at Rupali.

Rupali stood like a statue, but Paritosh couldn’t. “Stop blaming Rupali, Amrit,” he said, “I was with Nimrit that night. Not with Rupali.”

“What?”

“Why must our relationships become a scourge for us? Can’t they be about protecting each other, instead?”

Amrit sank down on the chair Rupali had occupied earlier.

“Your sister,” Paritosh continued, “Is terrified of everybody. Her in-laws would come after her life if they knew where she was. She knew even you would want to send her back. So, I couldn’t reveal her identity when this murder case popped up all of a sudden. That’s why Rupali had to step in to vouch for me. Rupali did it without even knowing why I wanted to protect Nimrit. What relationship did she have with your sister? But she protected her. And you want to let your sister continue getting abused by those brutes. What relationship is worth that?”

“What do I do?” Amrit mumbled.

“Ma’am. I know I should not be interfering. But you know your husband is an intelligent man. Do what he says,” Rupali pressed Amrit’s shoulders to comfort her. “I will see you later, Dr. Khanna,” she went out of the room.

“Take me to her,” Amrit said finally.

“You promise not to tell anybody about her until I have made some arrangements for her safety.”

“I promise.”

—

“Rupali. Are you free?” Paritosh called her up later in the day.

“Yes. Why?”

“Amrit wants to meet you. Where can I pick you up from?”

“I am in the hostel. I can come on my own.”

“I will be outside your hostel in five minutes.”

“Where is your sister-in-law?” Rupali asked after she climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

“We brought her home.”

“Good for her. Staying alone in a hotel couldn’t have been ideal.”

“Yes.”

“Why does Mrs. Khanna want to meet me?”

“To apologize, I hope!”

Rupali suddenly looked guilty. “It isn’t needed,” she mumbled.

“You are uncomfortable. I can see that. But do me a favor one last time. We need a closure on this.”

“I’m fine. It’s not a big deal,” she forced a smile.

—

“Rupali. I don’t even know how to start apologizing,” Amrit  was so apologetic, and Rupali felt really small.

“It’s okay, Ma’am. How could you have known?” she managed to respond, fighting the urge to just disappear from the scene.

“Even if no one else did, I should have trusted my husband. But when your name came up, it was easy to lose that trust. He talks about you all the time. I never remember the name of any of his students, but you…” Rupali was surprised and her eyes automatically shot over Amrit’s shoulders towards  Paritosh. Away from Amrit’s eyes, even his face reflected unguarded surprise. Did he talk that much about Rupali at home? Amrit continued, “Every time he has to go back to the office, or has to stay late working into the night, it ends up being related to you. I know, of course, that its just because you are as hard-working as he is. But it was easy for me to take it all in the wrong way. Please forgive me, and thank you. Thanks a lot for protecting my husband from the disaster, and for protecting my sister too.”

“That’s enough, Ma’am. It really is. None of it was your fault, and Dr. Khanna is my– my role-model. What I have done was my duty. Anybody in my place would have done it.”

Amrit threw another surprise at her by suddenly hugging her, “You have no idea what you have done for me by protecting my husband. I will never forget this and will forever be indebted to you.”

Rupali hugged her back slightly, but her eyes welled up. Paritosh was still standing behind Amrit and could see her. So, she tried hard, but tears started running down her cheeks. Paritosh noticed and questioned her with a hand gesture, but it was futile. When Amrit broke the hug, Rupali could not control herself at all. She started sobbing and ran away from there.

“What– What happened?” Amrit asked, worried, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. You didn’t. Must be something else. I will talk to her,” Paritosh assured Amrit, then ran after Rupali.

—

To be continued

Rupali knocked gently, then peeked into the director’s office. Policemen, many administrative staff of the institute, and Paritosh were sitting there.

“Yes?” The director did not appreciate the interruption. But he recognized Rupali.

“Excuse me, Sir. But I am interrupting because I have something important to say about the discussion that is going on here. About Dr. Khanna’s whereabouts last night.”

“Come in.”

“Thank you, Sir. I assume that Dr. Khanna has not yet named anyone who can confirm where he was last night.”

“He hasn’t, Rupali. What do you want to say?”

Paritosh looked horrified, “Rupali. Please!” She ignored him.

“He was with me. We were at The Landmark Hotel.”

“Who are you? And what were you doing there?” one of the policemen asked.

“I’m sorry. I did not introduce myself. My name in Rupali Banerjee. I am a Ph. D. student under Dr. Khanna. We were having dinner there.”

“Till when?”

“Pretty late at night.”

“The restaurant closes at 11.30.” The policeman interrogating her seemed to be familiar with the hotel.

Rupali sighed, “There was a room booked in my name. You can confirm it.”

“Rupali. Stop.”

“This isn’t the time to think of propriety, Dr. Khanna.”

“Rupali. I hope you understand the implication of what you are saying?” the director warned her.

“Absolutely, Sir. And I am an adult. Pursuing Dr. Khanna will be a waste of your time, Inspector, and I would really appreciate some discretion on your part about releasing the information I just gave you. Excuse me.” her mobile vibrated. “Hello Kaku. You are with him? .. Okay. Police are here. Shall I give the phone to someone? … Right.” She turned towards the police officer who appeared most authoritative and handed him her phone, “Police commissioner is on the line.”

“Yes Sir… Right Sir… Yes Sir…” The officer grew nervous on suddenly finding himself speaking to the commissioner. After disconnecting the call he handed the phone back to Rupali, “Thank you, Ms. Banerjee. For clarifying the situation. We need to wait for forensic results before we can pursue other lines of inquiries.”

“You will have our full cooperation.” the director assured him. “I don’t know what to say to both of you,” he burst out at Paritosh and Rupali after the policemen and other people had left the room, “If your defense becomes public, it will be a huge scandal in the campus. But if police had continued to go after you, Paritosh, it would have been an ever bigger scandal. So, I guess… Thank you? Rupali.”

Rupali found the director’s discomfort amusing, but Paritosh stood stiff.

—

Paritosh’ office was still cordoned off. They walked back wordlessly to the lonely park.

“What the hell was that, Rupali?” Paritosh finally spoke, irritably.

“You were worried about her reputation. So, I substituted myself. I don’t care.”

“And if this leaks out?”

“Everyone already thinks it to be true.”

“What?”

“That we are having an affair. That I am hopelessly stuck on you.”

“Great!” Paritosh threw up his hands in despair.

“If you are worried about Mrs. Khanna, I can go talk to her, say sorry, claim it was all a mistake etc. I am sure she will forgive you.”

“Rupali. What you have done is more than enough already. Just stop worrying about it now.”

“You are really annoyed with me, aren’t you?” her tone wasn’t belligerent now, just profoundly sad.

That gave Paritosh a pause. “No. I am annoyed at myself, Rupali,” he said gently, “Not at you. In fact, I have been ungrateful. Between your testimony and your connections you have shielded me from a huge embarrassment and inconvenience. Thank you. Thank you, very much.”

“Why are you annoyed at yourself? If you have feelings for someone…”

Paritosh sighed, “Sit down, Rupali. I will tell you everything. That is the least I owe you.”

—

“Police has found clues. The back door of the department was compromised. Varun’s roommate said he knew how to pick locks. That’s how he entered the department building and the room. It seems he was looking for a copy of the exam papers.”

“And he jumped off when he did not find the paper?” Rupali asked, incredulous.

“The autopsy found drugs in his system. He was perhaps depressed. But jumping off still doesn’t make sense. They do think there was another person in the room. But all the possibilities are pretty bad. Either another student, or possibly a drug dealer. I hope it isn’t the former. But a drug-dealer in the campus will be a media disaster–”

“Media and parents have already made it a story of unreasonable academic pressure and an insensitive professor,” Rupali said with some bitterness.

“Media has to create stories that sell. Parents can’t accept that their ward was in the wrong. Everyone is saving their faces.”

“Except you!” she said in a low, choking voice.

“Rupali!” Paritosh felt concerned for her these days. She had gotten too involved in his affairs. It wasn’t fair on her.

“How are things at home?” she asked.

Paritosh sighed, “Tense.”

“Why don’t you tell her? She has to know someday or the other.”

“Nimrit is still scared. She doesn’t trust anybody.”

“Not even her sister?”

“No. She thinks she will be forced to go back.”

“But this will wreck havoc in your life. Or perhaps already has.”

“No. Not really. You made it easier for me, Rupali.”

“Excuse me?”

“Amrit doesn’t hate me. She hates you.”

“Huh?”

“Varun’s parents can’t accept that their son was at fault. Amrit can not accept that her husband was at fault. It is easier for them to blame me, and for her to blame you.”

Rupali looked thoughtful. Paritosh walked around the table to stand in front of her. He half-sat on the table so that he could look in her eyes. Then he lifted her hands in his. “I am sorry, Rupali,” he croaked while continuing to hold her hands, “You didn’t deserve this mess. Give me some more time–”

“Don’t talk like that,” Rupali felt intoxicated, still surprisingly clear in her head, “I’m not trapped in the situation. Whatever I have done, I have done willingly. And God forbid if we were in that situation again, I will do it again.”

There was a moment of silence in which Paritosh realized that what people said about them, at least about her, was not wrong. She was in love with him!

They were startled by slamming of the door as somebody barged in. Paritosh hastily let go of Rupali’s hand and Rupali jumped out of her chair on seeing Amrit.

—

To be continued

“What’s going on?” There was a crowd gathered outside the department’s building when Rupali reached there.

“Murder. Or suicide. I don’t know,” someone from the crowd informed her.

“What?” she ran inside. An entire wing was cordoned off. It included both her lab and Paritosh’ office.

She spotted Paritosh and pushed through the crowd to reach him. He looked distressed. “Where did it happen?” she asked him.

“In my office,” he tried hard, but his voice quivered.

“What? How?”

“I have no idea, Rupali. The door was open when I came this morning. Varun had jumped out of the window. Or had been pushed. Can’t say.”

She noticed him clenching and unclenching his fists. He was nervous! She took one of his hands in hers. He was startled. But she did not let go.

“It will be all right,” she said.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to go home?” she asked.

“I am not sure. I might be needed here. Police, students, media–”

“Okay.”

They stood there, unnoticed among other faculty members and students, while policemen scuttled in and out of the crime scene. Paritosh’ phone rang after a while. It was the director of the institute.

“I will take it outside,” he told Rupali and went away.

Rupalit grew worried when Paritosh did not come back for almost fifteen minutes. She called him. He picked up after a few rings.

“Dr. Khanna. Where are you?”

She heard a sigh before he spoke, “In the park. Behind the department building.” It was a well-maintained, but hardly visited park.

“I am coming there.”

—

“What happened?”

“You should go back to your hostel, Rupali. This is hardly a day to do any work.”

“Who is talking about work? What did the director say? Why didn’t you come back?”

“Let it be, Rupali. I will handle it.”

“I am not moving an inch from here until you tell me.”

“I am a suspect in the case.”

“What? That is ridiculous.”

“It’s not. It happened in my office.”

“So what! When did it happen?”

“Last night according to the provisional forensic assessment.”

“Were you even there?”

“No.”

“Then tell them.”

“Police respects the boundaries of an educational institution. If the director clears me of suspicion, then they won’t pursue that line of enquiry.”

“And?”

“The director tells me that he needs some concrete proof, or a witness to show that I was not in the department.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. He advised me to not say anything hastily and prepare for a possible interrogation.”

“Just call the woman you were with yesterday evening at The Landmark Hotel.”

Paritosh looked alarmed, “How do you know?”

“I was there.”

“How come?”

“I was not stalking you. One of my maternal uncles was in town. I had booked a room for him there and I met him for dinner.”

“You must keep this to yourself, Rupali.”

“Why?”

“I can’t involve her in this?”

“Why not? What is more important to you right now? Avoiding a little marital discord or getting out of this horrible mess?”

“Marital discord? What are you– Oh!” he fell silent.

“Call her.”

“I can’t. It is not about me. It is about her.”

“Right!” Rupali walked away with clenched teeth.

Paritosh buried his head in his hands. What mess had he gotten himself into?

—

Rupali recalled the last night. She was at The Landmark Hotel with her Uncle. He had a late-night flight to catch and was in the city for a few hours. So, Rupali had booked a room for him to rest before his flight. They had come to the restaurant of the hotel for dinner where she had spotted Paritosh. He was with a woman. In her late 20s or early 30s, lean and fair. Rupali saw Paritosh comforting and consoling her. He even gave her a hug before they started their dinner.

She had felt incredibly jealous. It made no sense. Even if everyone else was right, and she was in love with him, she knew he was a married man. She had never felt jealous of Amrit. So, why now? Why seeing him with another woman was making her so jealous? Had she subconsciously assumed that if there was to be another woman in his life, it would be her?

She had returned late after dropping her Uncle off at the airport. Then she had tossed and turned in her bed for a long time. Only in the wee hours of morning her exhaustion had taken over her mental anguish and she had drifted off to sleep. She could not get up in time after that and had been late in reaching her lab, by when Paritosh was already in this mess not of his making. Despite the enormity of the situation, his unwillingness to call that woman as a witness strengthened her suspicions about their relationship even further.

Presently, Rupali sighed and toyed with her mobile. Finally, she made up her mind and made a call, “Kaku. This is Rupali. I need your help right away. Please speak to the commissioner of police…”

When she returned to the park after making the call, Paritosh was no longer there. She called him, but he disconnected. He sent a message immediately though, “In the director’s office.”

—

To be continued

Paritosh had been restless over the weekend. He had scolded Rupali for being unreasonable, but the hurt and disappointment in her eyes haunted him now. ‘It’s not a big deal,’ he kept telling himself, ‘She was indeed being a brat. Besides, she wouldn’t hold a grudge against me. That’s not what she is like.’ But he continued to feel miserable. Several times, he almost dialed her number, but checked himself in time. Calling her made no sense and it would be inappropriate.

Rupali found him doodling on a paper, when she came to his office on Monday morning. “What are you worried about?” she asked, knowing well what the doodling meant.

“Nothing,” he replied with a sigh, “The submission deadline for MT journal is coming close. We need to finish things quickly–”

“I have already run the results through Meteor and have forwarded you the results.”

“You have?”

“Yes. I sent you a mail last night.”

“Looks like I missed it. Let me check.”

“The improvements are quite good. It should get us an acceptance.”

“So it seems,” Paritosh mumbled as he peered at his screen after downloading the file she had sent, “Good. Good work, Rupali.”

“Thanks. Shall I start finalizing the paper?”

“Yes. By when do you think you can finish writing it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon? You will have enough time to review it, I hope.”

“Yes. Ample time.” With any other student, Paritosh would have added at least three to four days to the time they estimated to do the work. But with Rupali he didn’t need to do that. If she said so, she would send the paper the next day. Then he would have until the weekend to review and correct it for the submission.

“Okay then,” she got up to leave.

“Rupali,” he stopped her.

“Yes, Dr. Khanna?”

“Umm… If you see Suhas, can you please ask him to meet me?” Paritosh referred to another Ph. D. student of his.

“Sure. If I see him that is!” Rupali grinned drawing a smile from Paritosh. Rupali and Suhas were two extremes. If Rupali was one step ahead of Paritosh is doing her work, Suhas would often not even see him for weeks.

She made to leave again and was stopped by him again, “Rupali.”

This time, she just looked at him questioningly.

“I am sorry,” he finally spoke, “I was very rude to you the other day.”

“But I thought I had to say sorry,” surprise and confusion were evident on face, “Why are you apologizing?”

“You were just being yourself. I know that very well. So, I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

“Being myself? You mean I act like a brat all the time? That isn’t much of a compliment,” Rupali smiled sadly.

“You don’t ‘act’ like a brat. You are a brat,” Paritosh chuckled as he said that, “And that isn’t a bad thing with you. Being every thing else that you are, it actually makes you very special.”

“I see. Not that I understand.”

“It’s okay. You are not upset, are you?”

“No. But if you think all that you just told me, why did you get annoyed in the first place?”

“I was not in a great mood. I told you I had come back for some work. I was with one of my Uncles yesterday. He is alone. None of his kids are in India. He is facing some issues related to the land records. You know how messed up those are in our country.”

“Can I help?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean my family is in real-estate business as well. They would have the right contacts.”

“Oh! Thanks, Rupali. But we don’t need to pull that string right now.”

“Fine. But let me know if you need–”

“Sure. If required, I will ask you.”

—

Rupali saw Suhas in the lab later in the day.

“Dr. Khanna wants to meet you, Suhas,” she told him.

“Why? You aren’t writing enough papers for him?”

“I can write papers for him, all right. But he is not the one who needs his Ph. D. You are. And you have to write your own papers.”

“You will make one difficult Ph. D. guide, Rupali. You are more difficult than Paritosh.”

“And how exactly is pulling my leg going to help you?”

“Yaar Rupali. Listen to me. Do you know why I am doing a Ph. D.?” Suhas sat down next to her and spoke in a conspiratorial tone.

“No,” she whispered mimicking his tone, “I don’t know. But I have been wondering about it. Why are you inflicting this pain on yourself, Dr. Khanna, the department and the mankind in general?”

“Because,” he whispered back, “My parents think that Ph. D. is another degree that can help me get a better job and a higher dowry.”

“I see.”

“Rupali. You are my friend, right? Please help me.”

“By writing papers for you?” she raised her eyebrows.

“No. Just ask Paritosh to give me a Ph. D. I promise not to enter academics and inflict any pain on future generation of students. I won’t even take dowry, I promise.”

“Of course, it is that easy. I ask Dr. Khanna and you will get your Ph. D. Why not?”

“If he finds a way to do it without creating any issues, he would be happy to let go of all his Ph. D. students,” another lab mate of theirs chipped in.

“Huh?” Rupali did not understand him.

“Except you, obviously.”

“And he will make do with one student?”

“He hasn’t taken anyone in since you came.”

“You guys are crazy. I don’t think I can work here. I am going to my room.”

“Arr… Rupali… Listen…”

But she picked up her bag and left. Her labmates laughed in amusement.

“What are the names of Sujeet Saxena’s two children?” someone shouted.

“LC Saxena and RC Saxena,” everyone else replied in chorus.

“Why does Rupali Banerjee call her advisor Dr. Khanna?”

“Because ‘unka naam nahin lete’.”

Another round of laughter followed before everyone went back to their work.

—

Rupali, Suhas and other graduate and undergraduate students working with Paritosh were gathered at his house. It was an yearly ritual for Paritosh to invite all his students to his home for dinner. Two of the female undergraduate students had not been able to make it. So, Rupali was the only female student in the group.

After spending some time with her fellow students, she slipped into the kitchen as a courtesy.

“Can I help, Ma’am?” she asked Amrit, who was busy giving instructions to a cook and a maid.

“Don’t bother. You are Rupali?”

“Yes. I was here last year too.”

“Is it? I am sorry. I know your name, of course. But I didn’t remember your face.”

“No issues. You can’t be expected to remember so many names and faces when you meet them only once a year.”

“That’s very sweet of you.”

“Looks like the cook can take care of the stuff here. Why don’t you come out and join us for a bit?”

“No. No. What will I do there? You will be talking about computers and work. You should go back. The food will be ready shortly.”

“Amrit. Can you send some more pakoras–” Paritosh came to the kitchen and stopped in his tracks on seeing Rupali there. “Rupali. What are you doing in the kitchen?”

“She came to help me,” Amrit said appreciatively.

“And you let her do that, Amrit?” Paritosh frowned.

“No, she didn’t,” Rupali hastily intervened, “I am not doing anything here. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have. I don’t know how to cook all this.”

“You would be used to cooking Bengali food, right?” Amrit smiled encouragingly. She had assumed that Rupali was  embarrassed at her inability to cook. This was her way of coming to Rupali’s rescue.

“She is not used to cooking anything, Amrit,” Paritosh sounded curt to Rupali, “Come out now. You are sweating.”

“All right.” Sometimes Rupali did not understand Paritosh at all. It was within reason if he did not want a guest in the kitchen. But he wasn’t politely while asking her to come out, like he should do to a guest. He was ordering her around. Rupali stole a quick glance at Amrit. She was not affected by this exchange at all. Didn’t she feel bad, Rupali wondered. They exchanged a smile and Rupali followed Paritosh out of the kitchen.

“Why on earth would you go into the kitchen?” he asked her on their way back to the hall, still sounding irritated.

“Why on earth would you make such a big deal out of it? I had come to get water. I though I’d say hello to Mrs. Khanna. Is that a crime?”

“No.”

“And rest assured. I was not made to do anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Paritosh was now mollified and his gentle, dignified manner was back, “I over-reacted. It’s just that… That’s not your place.”

“Now you are being hypocritical. It can be your wife’s place. That is fine by you? But not mine.”

Paritosh sighed, “I didn’t mean it in a derogatory sense.”

“Really?”

“Are you interrogating me?” Paritosh tried to make light of it in an effort to wriggle out of an uncomfortable conversation that he himself was responsible for.

“And you are very successfully evading me.”

“Okay, lady. Ask me directly. What do you want to know?”

“I… I don’t know.” Rupali was suddenly clueless, “I forgot.”

“So, we were fighting just like that?”

“Yes. I guess!”

Paritosh was amused now, “Next time I call you a brat, don’t get mad. You are one. You proved that just now.”

“Right,” she mumbled, feeling slightly disoriented.

“Shall we?” Paritosh pointed towards the door of the hall, where all the other guests were busy with starters and drinks.

“Umm. You go ahead. I didn’t get the water I came in for.”

“Okay. Just don’t start cooking fish,” Paritosh joked and Rupali smiled in reply.

—

To be continued