Sacrifices (Part 15)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Yeah. Aap log please wait kijiye,” Doctor said as she went inside the room.

All of them stayed silent, absorbed in their own thoughts while the doctor was inside.

“She is all right,” Doctor’s announcement brought them out of their reveries, “Diagnosis ka result aap logon ko pata hi hai. And you know the implications of the operation. Uterus removal ke baad she can’t get pregnant. Lekin agar remove nahin kiya to pain hota rahega. Aur ek saal se zyada operation nahin taal sakte. To aap log uske hisaab se hi decide kar lein.”

Baba, Anji and Shyama – all turned pale and were tongue-tied.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Ashutosh took charge of the situation and addressed Baba after the doctor left, “Baba. Main jaanta hoon ki aap log shocked hain, pareshaan hai. Lekin is waqt sabse zyada vulnerable Nidhi hai. Agar aap log aise pareshaan ho kar uske saamne jayenge to woh phir se ghabra jayegi. Isliye please, aap log aisa mat kijiye. Nidhi ki zindagi se badh kar to kuchh nahin hai. Aur aap logon ko bhi use ye mahsoos karwana hai. Use aisa nahin lagna chahiye ki is problem, ya is operation ki wajah se usmein kissi tarah ki koi kami aa gayi hai. Aisa mental trauma, physical problems se zyada khatarnaak saabit ho sakta hai. Aap samajh rahe hain na ki main kya kah raha hoon?” It was the experienced doctor speaking. Over the years, Ashutosh had consoled, encouraged, pacified and motivated a large number of distressed parents, whose children were under his care. He had summoned all his learnings from those experiences for that little speech of his.

“Tum theek kah rahe ho, Dr. Ashutosh,” Baba agreed, “Bhabhi ji, Anji – hamein bilkul bhi aisi ruansi shakal nahin banani chahiye uske saamne.”

“Ji Baba,” Anji agreed and Shyama also nodded.

“Aap log jaiye. Main…” Ashutosh didn’t know what he was going to do, but he didn’t think he’d be welcomed there any longer, with Baba around…

“Agar tumhare paas samay hai, Dr. Ashutosh, to meri request hai ki tum bhi hamare saath raho. Nidhi ko hi nahin, hum sab logon ko… sahare ki zaroorat hai.”

“Ismein request ki kya baat hai. Main to yahin ruka hua hi hoon. AIIMS ke guest house mein. Aap log chaliye. Main bas do minute mein aata hoon.”

Baba nodded and everyone went inside the room.

Ashtuosh returned soon with a tray in his hand. He had brought tea. Shyama noticed that and stood up with a start. “Aapko ye karne ki kya zaroorat thi, Dr. Ashutosh?” she said and took the tray from him. She motioned Anji, who served the tea to everyone.

“Koi takalluf ki baat nahin hai, Mrs. Solanki. Aap log thake hue the to main chai le aaya. Button daba kar hi to laana tha,” he said with a smile and could not help throwing a knowing glance at Nidhi. Nidhi looked grateful and overwhelmed. He was taking care of her as well as her family. Ashutosh assured her with slight nod and blink. She smiled.

Ashutosh brought up the matter of night-stay after they had finished tea over regular chit-chat. “Baba. Raat mein aap logon ke yahan rukne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Aap log pareshaan aur thake hue lag rahe hain. Mere khayaal se aap ghar chale jaiye.”

“Nahin, Dr. Ashutosh. Hum iske liye hi to aaye hain. Hum yahin rukenge,” Shayama objected.

“Main jaanta hoon. Isliye kah raha hoon ki jab zaroorat nahin hai tab khud ko exert kar ke fayda nahin hai. Abhi aap logon ko yahan rukna padega kuchh din. Operation ke samay sabki zaroorat hogi. Aaj zaroorat nahin hai. Nidhi aaraam se so jayegi yahan. Waise bhi woh ghar se zyada time yahin bitati hai, kyon Nidhi?” he smiled as he threw that question at Nidhi.

“Lekin…”

“Aap log please meri baat maaniye. Nidhi – ghar ki chaabhi kahan hai?”

“Anji. Mere purse ke aage waali pocket mein hai. Nikaal le please. Tu aur Auntie mere bed par so jaana. Baba ke liye hall mein futon hai, jo woh hamesha use karte hain. Aur mere mobile mein Khaana-Khazaana restaurant ka number hai. Woh note kar le. Wahan se dinner ki home-delivery karwa lena,” Nidhi said.

Ashutosh looked at her appreciatively. Despite her own anxieties, she was playing the dutiful host.

Shyama could not help thinking how Ashutosh and Nidhi sounded like a perfect couple – complementing each other. Ashutosh cajoling them to go home for night and Nidhi working out their sleeping and food arrangement.

“Bhai Sahab,” Shyama addressed Yograj after they had their dinner, “Bura na maanein to ek baat kahun Nidhi ke baare mein.”

“Zaroor kahiye, Bhabhi ji. Nidhi ke baare mein aap kuchh sochein to ismein bura lagne ki kya baat hogi?”

“Dr. Ashutosh aur Nidhi ke rishte ko lekar jo aapke objections hain, woh jayaz hain. Lekin ye bhi sach hai ki kabhi-kabhi kuchh rishte hamari aam kasautiyon se pare hote hain. Ek saal se zyada ho gaya hai jo woh dono ek doosre se nahin mile hain, hai na Anji?” She looked and Anji for confirmation and continued on getting a nod from her, “Anji ki shaadi mein bhi Dr. Ashutosh nahin aaye the. Aur mera khayaal hai ki aisa unhone Nidhi ko avoid karne ke liye hi kiya tha. Lekin phir bhi aaj jo maine un donon ke beech dekha, mujhe lagta nahin ki woh rishta toot payega.”

“Mummy theek kah rahi hain, Baba,” Anji also spoke, “I am sorry agar aapko mera bolna achchha na laga ho. Lekin main Nidhi ki best friend hoon. Bachpan se jaanti hoon use. Mujhe nahin lagta ki woh Dr. Ashutosh ko bhool payegi. Itne din ho gaye aur woh Lucknow aane ko raazi nahin hoti. Aise kaise kaam chalega, Baba?”

“Aap dono ki baat main samajh raha hoon. Lekin baaki sab concerns ko ek taraf rakh bhi doon main, tab bhi ek baat mere man se nahin jaati. Shaadi zindagi bhar ka saath hota hai, Bhabhi ji. Agar ek arse ke baad, kissi ek ko akela rahna pade, to woh bahut mushkil hota hai. Aur agar do logon mein umra ka itna faasla ho to iski possibility badh jaati hai ki unmein se ek ko kai saalon tak…”

“Bura mat maaniyega, Bhai Sahab. Lekin mujhe lagta hai ki kiska saath kitne dinon ka hai, ye oopar waale ke haath mein hai. Agar umra se iska faisla hota to kya Bhabhi ji aapki itni jaldi chhod kar jaati? Aur iske baawzood agar aapko apni zindagi dubara jeena ka mauka mile to kya aap unke alawa kissi aur ko apna jeevan-saathi banana chahenge?”

Yograj sighed. He thought for a while before speaking, “Aap theek kah rahi hain. Maine, shayad, galti kar di hai. Main Nidhi se kal hi baat karoonga. Raksha mein hatya ho gai hai mere haathon. Nidhi kitni dukhi rahi hai Lucknow se aane ke baad se, ye bhi to mujhse chhipa nahin hi hai. Main sochta tha ki nayi jagah par, naye logon ke beech woh aage badh jayegi. Bhool jayegi Dr. Ashutosh ko. Lekin aisa nahin hua. Uske pyaar ko bachpana samajh kar maine theek nahin kiya.”

Shyama and Anji smiled and nodded in agreement.

“Thank you,” Nidhi said when Ashutosh came back to her room after getting Baba, Anji and Shyama a taxi for home.

“Ye kis liye?”

“Sabka khayaal rakhne ke liye. Aapko to pata hi hai ki Baba kitna ghabra gaye honge.”

“Haan. Aur us par se tum hosh mein aate hi rone lagi. Bechare ghabrate nahin to aur kya hota?” Ashutosh chided her, as he looked at her charts and reports.

He had expected a rejoinder, but Nidhi fell silent instead. The surprised and worried him. He put the reports back in their place and faced her, “Hey. Nidhi. Kya hua? Main mazaak kar raha tha. Bura maan gayin kya?”

“Nahin,” Nidhi forced a smile on herself, “Mujhe pata hai ki aap mazaak kar rahe the. Khair. Ab aapko bhi aaraam karna chahiye. It has been quite a day.”

“Tum so jao. Main bahar rahunga. Koi zaroorat ho to aawaaz laga dena.”

Nidhi was surprised, “Nurse hai na. Aap kyon rukenge? Aap guest house wapas chale jaiye.”

Ashutosh just smiled, “Main bahar hoon.”

“Rukiye,” Nidhi stopped him, “Bahar to kuchh hai bhi nahin jis par aap let sakein. Aap andar hi rahiye. At least ye sofa hai kamre  mein…”

“Nahin Nidhi…”

“Aapki zidd hai to main aapse zyada ziddi hoon.”

Ashutosh sighed. “Yeah. I know,” he murmured. Then he went to her and helped her ease into the bed. He pulled up her bedcover and tucked her in, like he would do to the kids in the ward. He switched off the lights near her bed. The ones in the corners of the room were still switched on, and he let those be.

As he made his way to the sofa, Nidhi did not let him see that she had tears in her eyes. How considerate and careful he could be! He made everyone comfortable, refused to leave her side, humoured her when she asked him to take the sofa, switched off the lights that would have inconvenienced her, but took care to not let the room get dark – the room that they were sharing! She quietly wiped her tears, as he lied down on the sofa.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 14)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Ashutosh noticed slight limp in her walk, when Nidhi came back tea. He got up and took the tray from her.

“Kya hua? Tum aise limp kyon ka rahi ho?”

“Nahin to. Main bilkul theek hoon.”

“Nidhi! Hum dono doctors hain. Let’s cut it short.”

“Pichhle kuchh dinon se kabhi kabhi pet mein dard shuru ho jaata hai. Kuchh khaas nahin hai. Theek ho jayega abhi thodee der mein.”

“Kitne dinon se?”

“Kuchh pandrah-bees dinon se.”

“To tumne check up kyon nahin karwaya?”

“Hum doctors waise bhi paranoid hone ke liye badnaam hote hain.”

“Better be paranoid than sorry! Batao kahan dard ho raha hai?”

“Dr. Ashutosh. It’s not important. Really.”

“Explain it, then.”

She was a doctor. It wasn’t a big deal for her to talk about menstural problems with her colleagues. But he was not just another doctor. He was also the man she loved. The hesitations and shyness natural to such a relationship hindered her. But he was adamant, “I am waiting.”

“It’s probably just the menstural troubles,” she had to speak.

Ashutosh was more seasoned than her. Not even for a moment did he betray any signs of awkwardness at the subject, “Pandrah-bees dinon se? Ye hamesha to nahin hota tha?”

“Nahin.”

“You fool,” the expression was quite uncharacteristic of Ashutosh and it surprised Nidhi, “Can’t you see that it is not normal, then? Not the regular menstural troubles. Mujhe bharosa nahin hota ki tum aise illiterate, uninformed gaon ki auraton ke tarah khud ko treat kar sakti ho. Chalo abhi hospital.”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Please. Theek hai. Main check up karwa loongi. Lekin abhi nahin.”

“Bilkul abhi. Kam se kam aas-paas koi diagnostic centre to hoga. I want to see an x-ray.”

“Aap thodee der mere saath baithna bhi nahin chate kya? Kabhi mobile lena hai, kabhi hospital chalna hai. Hardly kuchh ghante hain hamare paas…” Nidhi was vexed.

Ashutosh sighed. He took out his ticket from the bag and dialed the customer service number, “Yes. Main apna ticket cancel karwana chahta hoon…. Yes – I know ki sirf taxes refund honge… Please jaldi kijiye… No. I don’t want to reschedule. I don’t know when will I travel next. Please cancel it.” He addressed her impatiently after canceling the ticket, “Happy? Ab chalein?”

“Ji,” Nidhi gave up looking guilty at making him do that, but secretly pleased,“Diagnostic centre hai paas mein.”

X-ray report did not take much time to come. Ashutosh saw it first and the look on his face worried Nidhi. “Kya hua?” she asked.

“I hate you for doing this, Nidhi,” not shouting at her took a lot of effort for him, “Tumne mujhse waada kiya tha ki tum apni health ka khayaal rakhogi. Dekho ise – I am 99% sure there is a tumour. Chalo hospital. Abhi.”

Nidhi blanched as she saw the x-ray for herself, “Ye… Ye kuchh aur bhi to ho sakta hai na…” she said more to herself than to him, “Mujhe realize nahin hua…”

Ashutosh softened when he saw her so frightened, “Koi baat nahin, Nidhi. Nothing that can not be treated. Aur sirf x-ray se confirm bhi nahin ho sakta. Chalo hospital.”

Nidhi followed him silently.

Doctors in the gynaecology department decided to do angiography to rule out other possibilities with similar symptoms. It was an invasive procedure and she had to be given anaesthesia for that.  When the reports came to Ashutosh, her anaesthesia had still not worn off.

“Tumour hi hai, Dr. Ashutosh,” the gynacologist told him, “Immediately fatal nahin hai. But it will grow and ultimately uterus remove karna hi padega. Jitni jaldi kar diya jaye utna behtar hai. Warna pain badhta hi jayega.”

Ashutosh nodded. Dr. Mathew was also with him.

“I think we should inform her family,” Mathew said. He was her boss and felt responsible.

“Yeah. Tum aisa karo, Mathew, inke father ko seedhe call mat karo. Woh ghabra jayenge. Main tumhein inki friend ka number deta hoon. Unhein inform karna. Wahi inke father ko bhi bata dengi.”

Anji was promptly informed and she rushed to talk to Baba. She called back to inform that she, her mother Shyama and Nidhi’s Baba were taking the next flight to Delhi.

“Doctor,” a nurse came out of Nidhi’s room, “Unhein hosh aaya tha lekin woh bahut pain mein thi. To maine unhein pain-killers aur sedatives de diye hain. She is sleeping again.”

Ashutosh was disappointed. He was hoping to talk to her before her Baba came.

“Aapne unhein diagnosis bata diya hai,” she asked the nurse.

“Ji. Koi problem hai kya? Mujhe laga ki who khud doctor hain…”

“Nahin, nahin. Its okay,” Ashutosh did not admonish the nurse, but he thought she had been callous. He worried about Nidhi.

“Tum mere office mein wait kyon nahin karte, Ashutosh,” Mathew offered, “Tumhari flight?”

“Cancel karwa li hai.”

“Oh,” Mathew was surprised, but he did not ask anything, “That’s nice of you.”

“Mathew. Do you think you can extend my reservation at AIIMS guest house for a few days? I will pay for that, of course. Ya phir yahan aas-paas koi hotel hai…”

“Don’t worry, Ashutosh. Guest house mein reservation ki problem nahin hogi. ”

Anji managed to find a flight in two hours and they landed in Delhi before Nidhi woke up.

“Baba!” Nidhi spotted him as soon as she opened her eyes. Anji and Shyama also came to her on finding her awake.

“Nidhi. Beta tum theek to ho na?” Baba was very worried.

Nidhi didn’t reply. She clutched Baba’s hands and started crying.

“Nidhi. Kya hua? Dard ho raha hai? Main doctor ko bulata hoon.”

“Baba. Main bulati hoon. Aap rukiye,” Anji said.

“Nahin Anji. Tum Nidhi ke paas baitho,” Baba insisited. He thought that Nidhi might want to talk to the women.

Shyama and Anji both tried to comfort Nidhi, but she kept crying.

Baba met the nurse on his way to the doctor’s cabin and told her that Nidhi was awake and probably in pain. The nurse rushed to the room. Baba went on to get the doctor.

“Kya baat hai Nidhi? Kuchh bol to… Dard ho raha hai?”Anji tried to comfort her.

“Dr. Ashutosh…” Nidhi murmured.

“Dr. Ashutosh?” Anji was surprised and looked at Shayama. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Why was she looking for Dr. Ashutosh in Delhi? Was she not fully conscious? Was something wrong?

“Dr. Mathew ke kamre mein wait kar rahe hain. Main unhein bula kar laati hoon,” the nurse said surprising them even further.

“Dr. Ashutosh yahan hain?” Anji looked at Nidhi questioningly. Nidhi continued crying and didn’t say anything.

Ashutosh came running and reached there before Baba and doctor did.

“Namaste,” he greeted Shyama; then addressed Anji, “Hello Anji.”

“Hello Dr. Ashutosh. Aap yahan?”

“Ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaya tha.”

“Oh!” Anji recalled that Rangnath had told her about Dr. Ashutosh being  out of station. But she did not know he was in Delhi. And in AIIMS.

“Anji. Hum bahar chal kar Bhai Sahab ko dekhte hain,” Shayama decided to leave Ashutosh and Nidhi alone.

“Nidhi bahut pain mein hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Jab se aankhein kholi hai roye ja rahi hai,” Anji told him before leaving the room.

Ashutosh nodded to acknowledge her worry and waited till they had left. Then he went and sat beside Nidhi on the bed.

He took her hand in his and she clutched it hard, the way she had done with Baba and Anji earlier. He had guessed that it wasn’t the pain that was bothering her.

“Dar lag raha hai?” he asked softly.

She nodded.

“Ghabrane ki koi baat nahin hai, Nidhi. Tumhein pata hai ki ye theek ho jayega. Aur operation bilkul safe hai.”

Nidhi didn’t share what was really bothering her. But his presence calmed her down.

Shyama stopped him when Baba came back with the doctor.

“Ruk jaiye, Bhai Sahab. Thodee der baad jaate hain.”

“Kyon? Nidhi akeli kyon hai? Use dard ho raha tha.”

“Dr. Ashutosh andar hain,” Anji didn’t beat around the bush.

“Dr. Ashutosh?” Baba was shocked, “Yahan? Kaise?”

“Woh sab baad mein bataungi, Baba. Lekin Nidhi unke liye poochh rahi thi baar baar. I think… we should wait,” Anji knew why Baba was against Nidhi’s and Dr. Ashutosh’ relationship. Like Nidhi, she also acknowledged so far that he meant well. But today the way she had seen Nidhi pine for Ashutosh, she was affected much more by her suffering than by Baba’s good intentions. So, she was unsually sharp while speaking to Baba and stopping him from interfering. Baba noticed that, but did not say anything.

Ashutosh came out soon and was at first unsettled to see Baba. He wasn’t sure how he would react. He greeted him and then explained his presence, “Main yahan ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaya tha. Ittefaaq se Nidhi se mulaaquaat ho gayi aur maine notice kiya ki she was in pain. Isliye checkup ke liye le aaya.”

“Thank you, Dr. Ashutosh. Kahne ko doctor hai, lekin apna khayaal rakhna use aata nahin.”

Ashutosh nodded and said, “Woh theek hai. Dard nahin ho raha use. Bas ghabra gayi thi. Doctor aap please check kar lijiye,“ he addressed the gynaecologist.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 13)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Mathew was unaware of the storm lurking behind their seemingly normal bearings. “Ashutosh. Ye bhi ek reason hai ki mujhe lagta hai tumhein teaching mein aana chahiye. Ye Dr. Nidhi Verma. Kamaal ki training di hai tumne inhein. Waise to khud bhi PG student hi hain, lekin ward mein MBBS interns inse itna darte hain jitna ki mujhse bhi nahin darte. Mazaal hai ki koi paanch minute bhi der se aaye. Ya zara bhi apni duty shirk kare. Aur khud to ye hamesha samay ke pahle hi taiyaar rahti hain. Aur haan – apni in saari aadaton ka credit tumhein deti hain. Kyon Dr. Nidhi?”

Nidhi smiled nervously, “Sir aap bhi… Hello, Dr. Ashutosh. Aap kaise hain?” she kept up the pretence by asking expected question.

“Main theek hoon. Aur aap?” he followed the suit.

She gulped slightly before replying, “I am fine.”

“Dr. Nidhi. Aapse ek favour chahiye tha,” Mathew said.

“Yes Sir?”

“Dr. Ashutosh yahan ek guest lecture dene ke liye aaye hain. Aur mujhe abhi unhein lunch par le jaana hai. Lekin meri ek urgent lunch meeting schedule ho gayi hai. To main ja nahin sakta. Taste of Delhi restaurant mein do logon ke liye table booked hai. Agar aap lunch time par free ho to kya aap Dr. Ashutosh ko host kar sakti hain?”

“Ji?” Nidhi looked at Ashutosh unsurely. But he looked impassive. “Main free hoon,” she said hesitatingly, “In fact post-lunch bhi meri duty nahin hai. To koi problem nahin hogi.”

“That’s great then. Ashutosh. Tumhein ek taxi mili hui hai, right? Aap log use use kar sakte hain.”

“Okay, Dr. Mathew. Waise main aapko ye project reports dene aayi thi,” Nidhi handed him a file.

“Yeah. Thanks. Main ise padh loonga.”

“Chalein, Dr. Ashutosh? Ek baj rahe hain, lunch ka time to ho hi gaya hai.”

“Yeah.”

They were quiet during the short drive to the restaurant. They had met after more than year. A lot had been done in between, and very little said. Ashutosh had cast her away from his life. It wasn’t easy to break the ice and the presence of driver made it impossible.

But as soon as they were seated, Ashutosh could not bear the silence any longer. “I am sorry,” he blurted.

“Kis liye?” she tried hard to control it, but her voice quivered.

“Yeah,” he spoke, his guilt apparent, “Bahut saari cheezon ke liye. Jo maine kiya, aur jo main kar raha hoon, sirf isliye ki mujhe nahin pata hai ki what can I do better.”

They were interrupted by the waiter who served them the water and asked them if they wanted to go a-la-carte or for the buffet. Ashutosh looked at Nidhi.

“Buffet,” she told the waiter. That would give them more time to themselves without any interruptions. They served themselves soup and salad and came back to their table.

“Aapne mujhe bataya bhi nahin ki aap yahan aa rahe hain?” Nidhi questioned him.

Ashutosh nodded, but stayed silent.

“Agar main abhi Dr. Mathew ke office mein nahin aati to mujhe pata bhi nahin chalta…”

“Nidhi, please!” Ashutosh pleaded. He had no answers for her.

She stopped talking and started sipping her soup. They went through the motion of having their lunch without talking further.

“Aapke paas abhi time hai?” she finally asked when they came out of the restaurant.

“Haan. Meri flight raat mein hai.”

“Ghar chalenge aap?”

“Ghar?”

“Well – ek bedroom ka chhota sa flat hai…”

“Lagta hai PG students ki salary badh gayi hai,” Ashutosh joked, “Akele flat le kar rah rahi ho?” It was unsual for PG students to stay on their own. Typically they would share accommoation with other students.

“Baba pay par rahe hain iske liye.”

“Hmm.. Chalo phir.”

The little joke about the salary had finally broken the ice. But they stayed silent during the drive because of the driver.

“Mujhse bahut naaraaz ho, Nidhi?” Ashutosh asked her after they reached her home.

“Aapse naraaz ho kar kissi ka kya kar loongi main?” Nidhi replied sadly.

“I want you to move on, Nidhi. I want you to be happy.”

Her eyes grew moist on hearing that.

“Nidhi…”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Duniya mein do log hain jinse main bahut pyaar karti hoon.  Aur itni khushkismat hoon ki woh do log bhi mujhse bahut pyaar karte hain. Hamesha meri bhalai ki sochte hain. Lekin phir bhi – woh dono jo aaj kar rahe hain, use mujhe khushi milne ki jagah sirf pain mil raha hai. Hurt ho rahi hoon main. Unke intention mein to koi burai nahin hai. Main unse shikayat bhi nahin kar sakti. To iska matlab to ye hua na ki mujhme hi kuchh galat hai? Mujhme hi koi kami hai ki mere aas paas itna pyaar hote hue bhi main khush nahin hoon? Bataiye na, Dr. Ashutosh? Kya galat hai mujhme? Baba bhi meri bhalai chahte hain; aap bhi. Lekin phir bhi main khush kyon nahin hoon?” Tears started flowing out of her eyes unhindered.

“Oh God!” Ashutosh shut his eyes in pain. How miserable she was, and how poignantly she had managed to convey it. Then he went to her and pulled her in his arms, “I had no idea… I am ashamed to admit, Nidhi, ki main apne dard mein, apni pareshaaniyon mein itna kho gaya ki kabhi socha hi nahin ki maine tumhein akele chhod diya hai. I am so sorry. I am really sorry, Nidhi. Main bahut sharminda hoon. Main bilkul andha ho gaya tha…”

“Aapne apna phone kyon disconnect karwaya?” Nidhi demanded after they broke the hug.

“Main… Mujhe laga… Ab main kya explain karoon, Nidhi? Obviously main galat tha. Jaise main soch raha tha, woh galat tha…”

“Lekin soch kya rahe the aap? Dr. Rangnath ko promise kar ke bhi aap wedding mein nahin aaye… Phir ghar se bhi gayab the… Aur uske baad…”

“Nidhi. Jis wajah se maine aane ka waada kiya tha, usi wajah se use tod bhi diya. Main taiyaar hua tha wedding mein aane ke liye. Kyonki main tumhein dekhna chahta tha, tumse milna chahta tha. Lekin aakhiri waqt par mujhe realize hua ki jo kuchh main kar raha hoon, usse tumhare Baba ko jo waada kiya tha woh tod raha hoon. Isliye shaadi mein nahin aaya. Phone disconnect karwa diya kyonki mujhe laga ki hamara phone par baatein karna, rather chup rahna, bhi sahi nahin tha. Jab tak tum Lucknow mein thi, utna waqt maine khud ko, hum dono ko diya tha… Lekin uske baad… Main khud par to sakht ho hi raha tha. Lekin maine ye nahin socha ki tum par kitna sakht ho raha tha main.”

“Phone katwa kar aapne mere saath bahut bura kiya, Dr. Ashutosh,” all the annoyance that she had kept buried inside her all these days was coming out now. She hadn’t been able to share it with even Anji or Armaan, “Aapko pata hai main kitna tadpi hoon aapki awaaz ek baar sunne ke liye? Sirf woh ‘hello’ jo aap bolte the. Kabhi-kabhi woh bhi nahin bolte the. Bas phone utha kar apna kaam karte rahte the. Lekin usse mujhe kitna sukoon milta tha. Aap bahut bure hain. Bahut bure hain. Bahut galat kiya aapne mere saath,” Nidhi complained and started crying again.

“Nidhi. Please, please rona band karo. Suno – main abhi tumhare saath chal kar naya connection leta hoon. Pre-paid immediately mil jayega na. Tumhare naam se le lenge. Tumhara to address proof bhi hoga. Abhi chalo…”

“Ye Delhi ka number hoga. Lucknow mein roaming par rahega.”

“To kya hua? Chalega to hai na. Chalo abhi mere saath…”

Nidhi smiled finally, “Uski zaroorat nahin hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Mujhe aap par bharosa hai. Aap Lucknow ja kar naya number le lijiyega. Abhi bas aap baithiye. Jo thoda samay hai, main aapke saath bitaana chahti hoon. Main aapke liye chai laun?”

“Button daba kar?” Ashutosh asked playfully.

“Nahin. Paani electric kettle mein garm kar ke usmein tea-bag daal kar.”

Ashutosh laughed and nodded.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 12)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Ashu. Kahan tha tu? Tujhe mahsoos hota hai ki doosre logon ko chinta hoti hai? Phone kyon nahin lag raha tha tera?” Ashutosh came back only in the evening.

“Main Kaka ko bata kar gaya tha, Armaan. Shaant ho ja.”

“Aur phone ko kya hua?”

“Phone maine phenk diya hai aur number disconnect karwa diya hai.”

“What? Kyon?”

“Zaroorat nahin thi.”

“Aur hospital ki emergencies?”

“Hospital mein bhi phone hai aur ghar mein bhi. Aur kahin main jaunga nahin.”

“Aur baaki logon ka kya?”

“Tu to yahin hai Armaan.”

“Aur Nidhi?”

“Nidhi meri zindagi mein nahin hai.”

“Tu ye maanta hai, shayad woh nahin. Kal shaadi mein woh tera intezaar kar rahi thi.”

“Pagal hai.”

“Zaroor hai. Tabhi to subah-subah yahan bhi aayi thi.”

Ashutosh was not surprised.

“Tu expect kar raha tha. Isliye gayab tha?”

Ashutosh didn’t reply and made to go inside his room.

Armaan sighed and handed him the package, “Ye de gayi hai tere liye.”

Ashutosh took the package with deliberate indifference. But once inside his room, he held it close to his heart and put his arms around it. He didn’t know what was there inside the package. But whatever it was, he was trying to feel her in it. His face contorted with the pain he didn’t betray in anyone’s company.

He carefully kept the package on the bed and sat beside it. His hands trembled as he opened it. A file, a box of CDs and an envelop came out successively. He tore opened the envelop. Expectedly, there was a letter inside.

“Dr. Ashutosh,

I am afraid, main aapko aaj tak koi khushi nahin de payi. Kal pata chala ki aapki ek khushi jis taale mein band thi, uski chaabhi mere paas hai. Isliye woh aapke hawale kar rahi hoon. Aapke Baba ki aakhiri nishaani woh makaan hai jo mere Nana mere naam kar gaye the. Paper work ke baare mein mujhe nahin pata. Isliye Jo bhi papers mere paas the woh aur ghar ki chaabhi aapko de rahi hoon. Ghar ke transfer ke papers mere sign lene ke liye kahan bhejne hain, ye aapko pata hoga kyonki aapne mera result dekha hoga. Naam aur department likh dene se yahan letters pahunch jaate hain.

Aur ab jab ye ghar aapko wapas mil gaya hai to shayad aap apne kuchh purane shauk phir se enjoy karne lagein, isliye kuchh ghazalon ki CDs chhod kar ja rahi hoon. Abhi mere paas itni hi thi.

Aapki
Nidhi”

Dr. Ashutosh Mathur cried that night. He wailed. And when he had exhausted his tears, he put one of the CDs in his laptop, played the ghazals and drifted off to sleep without even changing out of his day clothes.

Armaan and Kaka looked at each other questioningly when they heard the sound of Ghazals from his room.

“Nidhi. Bua ki jaan pahchaan mein Agra mein ek achchhi family hai. Unka ladke ne IIM se MBA kiya hai. Aaj kal Delhi mein hi posted hai,” Baba told Nidhi later in the day, “Hum soch rahe the ki tum Delhi mein usse ek baar mil leti.”

“Main usse mil kar kya karoongi?”

“Agar tum log ek-doosre ko pasand karo to hum shaadi ki baat chalayen.”

“Meri shaadi ki baat kahan se aa gayi, Baba? Mujhe shaadi nahin karni hai.”

“Kyon nahin? Ye Bilkul sahi umra hai…”

Nidhi sighed. Why was Baba feigning ignorance? But if he was, she would also play the game. She evaded the issue, “Abhi padhai chal rahi hai meri, Baba. Aur kissi ke liye time nahin hai mere paas. Main jaati hoon, mujhe packing karni hai. Thodee der mein train hai meri.”

“Tum aaj hi wapas ja rahi ho?”

“Haan Baba. Aur classes nahin chhod sakti. Waise aap agle mahine aa rahe hain na?”

Baba nodded. Since Nidhi wouldn’t come to Lucknow, he had been visiting her in Delhi every month.

“Dr. Armaan. Sorry to disturb you. Lekin Dr. Ashutosh ka phone ab bhi unreachable hai. Kya woh ab tak…” Nidhi had tried calling Ashutosh after reaching Delhi.

“Ashutosh wapas aa gaya hai, Dr. Nidhi. Aur woh theek hai. Lekin usne kaha ki usne apna phone phenk diya hai aur number disconnect karwa diya hai.”

“Oh!” A medly of emotions came upon her – surprise, deisappointment and hurt.

“Aur ek naya obsession le kar aaya hai, Dr. Nidhi? Itne saalon se usne ghazalein nahin suni. Lekin pichhle do dinon mein shahar ke saare music shops ke chakkar laga aaya hai aur jitni CDs mili sab le aaya hai. Aur Jo abhi tak nahin mila hai, unke peechhe pagal hua ja raha hai.”

Nidhi smiled on hearing that, “Aap chinta mat kijiye, Dr. Armaan. Ye achchha sign hai.” He wanted to push her away. But if he was discovering some joy in something, she could find a reason to be satisfied.

The courier reached to him at the hospital. Sender’s name only said “Pediatrics Department, AIIMS”. He impatiently opened the package to find a huge box of CDs inside it along with a small note.

“Dr. Armaan se pata chala ki aap ghazalon ki CDs khareed rahe the. Ismein almost woh saaraa collection hoga jo aapne pahle suna hoga. Aur inmein se kai ab stores mein nahin milte.”

Ashutosh cried once again!

Nidhi was crying too. Not being able to hear Ashutosh’ voice over phone had practically cut her lifeline. And as if that was not enough, Baba had added to her misery by calling her about meeting Rohan, the boy Dadi Bua had in mind for her.

“Tum apni zidd nahin chhodogi, Nidhi?” he had said.

“Kaisi zidd Baba?”

“Dr. Ashutosh ki…”

“Maine kaun si zidd ki, Baba? Jo aap nahin chahte, woh to maine nahin kiya. Lekin ab to aap zidd kar rahe hain na. Main shaadi ke liye taiyaar nahin hoon, Baba. Aap please mujh par pressure mat daaliye.”

What was she to do with herself, her life? Everyone meant well for her. Baba as well as Dr. Ashutosh. And yet, both of them were hurting her. She couldn’t even hurt them back for a revenge. She loved them both.

How could a simple decision about accepting or declining an invitation for a guest lecture be so agonising? But it was so for Ashutosh. The e-mail with the invitation had come from Dr. Mathew, whom he had known for several years. Mathew had recently joined the pediatrics department at AIIMS and wanted Ashutosh to give a lecture in his class. Typically such requests were honoured in the profession. But this was for AIIMS. And it meant…

He re-read the e-mail. It was for the first year students. Nidhi would be in her second year now. He would be able to avoid her, he told himself, and sent his acceptance.

“Ashutosh. That was a great lecture. You should be in an insittute like this. Achchhe teachers ki bahut zaroorat hai is profession mein. Being a good teacher, along with being a good doctor is so rare. Students tumhein sach mein sun rahe the, yaar. It was too good,” Ashutosh was in Mathew’s office after delivering the lecture.

“You are going overboard, Mathew. Maine koi aisa aasmaan se taare todne waala kaam nahin kiya hai.”

“Ashutosh. Main din-raat students se deal karta hoon. Trust me I know their reactions. Stop being so humble yaar. Lucknow mein kya kar rahe ho tum? Come to Delhi. AIIMS will more than welcome you.”

“Sab log Delhi hi aa gaye to Lucknow ka kya hoga, Mathew? Main wahin theek hoon.” Lucknow and Baba were connected. Ashutosh could not imagine settling down anywhere other than Lucknow.

“Achchha suno. About the lunch…”

“May I come in, Sir?” someone knocked at the office door interrupting them.

Ashutosh froze on hearing the voice.

“Please come in. Who is this… Oh. Dr. Nidhi Verma. Please come. Are… Main aapko batana kaise bhool gaya, Dr. Nidhi ki Dr. Ashutosh yahan aaye hain? Aap logon ko to introduce karwane ki zaroorat nahin hai.”

Ashutosh and Nidhi stared at each other. Nidhi in surprise, and Ashutosh in embarrassment. He couldn’t have said why he was embarrassed though. Was it for coming to AIIMS, or was it for not informing her?

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 11)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Rangnath had invited Ashutosh to his and Anji’s wedding and he had readily agreed surprising everyone. He had never been the one to be seen around in parties or weddings. But since Nidhi had left, he had withdrawn even further. These days it was difficult to draw him out even for any official functions in the hospital.

But on second thoughts, Rangnath realized, it was not so surprising after all. Nidhi was going to attend the wedding. This was the first time she was coming back to Lucknow since her internship had ended. She had refused all earlier requests from Baba, Dadi Bua and Anji. She had secured admission for PG at AIIMS and had stayed on in Delhi. It was finally Anji’s wedding that she could not say no to.

“Hello, Dr. Nidhi,” Mallika greeted Nidhi.

“Hello, Dr. Mallika. Kaisi hain aap?”

“Main theek hoon. Aur aap?”

Nidhi just smiled and did not say anything.

“Ashutosh theek nahin hain Nidhi,” Mallika sounded desperate all of a sudden.

“Kya phir se Dr. Hardstone ban gaye hain?” she chuckled sadly.

“Nahin. Unfortunately woh bhi nahin. Pahle kam se kam apne dard ko gusse ki tarah logon par nikaal dete the. Ab woh bhi nahin karte. Children’s ward mein bachchon ke saath jitni der hanste-khelte hain, bas utni der hi lagta hai ki woh ek zinda insaan hain. Uske alaawa zaroori baaton ke alaawa apni zubaan bhi nahin kholte. Aise to maine pahle unhein kabhi nahin dekha. Pahle jab koi cheez chhin jaati thi to woh bitter ho jaate the, obsessed bhi ho jaate the. Unhein woh cheez wapas chahiye hoti thi. Ab to woh Baba ke ghar ke baare mein bhi kabhi baat nahin karte. Dr. Armaan bata rahe the ki…”

“Baba ka ghar? Matlab? Kaun sa ghar?”

“Aapko nahin pata? Ashutosh ke Baba ka ghar jo unke Baba unhein na dekar apne kissi aur rishtedaar ke naam kar gaye the. Shayad apni naatin ke…”

“Unke Baba ki nishaani ek ghar hai?” Nidhi got the shock of her life.

“Haan.”

“Aapko pata hai ki woh ghar kahan hai?”

“Mujhe to nahin pata. Lekin Dr. Armaan ko shayad pata hoga. Unhone hi mujhe bataya tha ki Ashutosh ab uski taraf se bhi udaaseen ho gaye hain…”

“Dr. Armaan hain yahan?”

“Nahin. Woh to abhi Lucknow mein nahin hai.”

“Main unse phone par baat karti hoon. Excuse me, Dr. Mallika.”

Nidhi locked herself in a room and tried to get her thoughts in control.  Was it the same house? She took a deep breath and dialed Armaan’s number. Armaan only had a sketchy idea about the location of the house, but it was enough to confirm her suspicion.

She cried her heart out. Out of remorse. And also out of joy. Remorse because a house that he had pined for was with her all these years. She was the reason of his pain. But she was overjoyed too. Thank God that the house was with her, and not somebody esle. At least there was something she could do for him.

Ashutosh hadn’t come to the wedding yet. Rangnath had told her that he was expected. The house papers were at home. She hadn’t seen any point of taking them to Delhi with her. She never even thought about the house. She hadn’t agreed to sell it simply because there was no pressing reason to sell it. She took one of the cars hired for wedding arrangements, went home and got back with the papers. Ashutosh had still not come.

“Dr. Mallika. Dr. Ashutosh nahin aaye ab tak?”

“Pata nahin Dr. Nidhi. Dr. Rangnath to kah rahe the ki aayenge. Lekin… Phone bhi off hai…”

“Oh!” Was she not going to see him, then?

Anji was mad at her for having disappeared, “Kaisi dost hai tu, Nidhi? Kuchh khayaal bhi hai tujhe meri kya halat ho rahi hai.”

“Sorry Anji. Kuchh zaroori kaam yaad aa gaya tha. Lekin ab tu ghabra mat. Main poori raat tera saath nahin chhodne waali. Jab tak Dr. Rangnath khud mujhe bhaga na dein.”

“Chup kar. Mujhe chidhane se teri galti nahin chhip jayegi. Ab jaldi taiyaar hone mein meri help kar. Ye dekh nail-polish nikal aayi hai. Remover kahan hai?”

“Shaant ho ja, Anji. Main hoon na yahan ab.”

Wedding got over at three in the morning. Anji and Rangnath left straight for his house. The arrangements there had been taken care of by the wedding planners and Rangnath’s colleagues from the hospital. Anji understood that with Ashutosh’ absence, Nidhi wasn’t in the most cheerful state. She had still been by her side all night as promised. So, she did not insist when Nidhi excused herself from accompanying her to her new home!

Those who weren’t going with Anji had decided to rest until morning at the wedding venue itself. Nidhi sneaked out of the room she was supposed to be sleeping in and went to the garden. The papers were in her hands. Ashutosh hadn’t turned up at the wedding. His phone was also switched off. What could have happened. Had he fallen sick? But why would his phone be off in that case? He would have informed Rangnath, as a matter of courtesy. Why disappear? If it was to avoid her, why had he accepted to come in the first place?

Nidhi looked at her watch. It was five in the morning. Late enough for her to go out. Early enough that the tired wedding attendees would not wake up for at least three to four hours. Before leaving she rummaged through her luggage and took out some CDs.

She drove to his house. Hiraman Kaka opened the door for her and was pleasantly surprised to see her, “Dr. Nidhi. Aap? Aaiye na.”

“Dr. Ashutosh hain?”

“Ashutosh to kal shaam ko shahar se bahar chala gaya. Bataya bhi nahin ki kab lautega. Lekin Armaan abhi wapas aata hoga.”

“Ji. Theek hai. Dr. Armaan se mil kar jaungi.”

“Aaiye please.”

Nidhi exchanged pleasantries with Armaan when he came. Then she finally asked, “Dr. Ashutosh kaise hain?”

Armaan sighed, “Pata nahin. I don’t know, Nidhi. I really don’t.”

“Kya baat hai Dr. Armaan?”

“Pahle bhi kuchh kam complicated nahin tha woh aur us ghar ko lekar uska obsession. Lekin at least ye pata tha ki wohi uska aim hai life mein. Ab to kuchh samajh mein nahin aata. Apne baare mein to kuchh baat hi nahin karta. Itna bhi pooochhoon ki din kaisa raha to baat badal deta hai. Ek baar maine us ghar ki baat chhedi to kahne laga ki nahin chahiye use woh ghar. Agar woh obsessed nahin hai to achchhi baat hai. Lekin aisa lagta hai ki koi aim bhi nahin rah gaya hai uski life mein. Aaj kal to mere jokes par gussata tak nahin hai. Pahle se bhi zyada waqt hospital mein bitata hai. Kya kahoon ki kya baat hai? Aise dekho to kuchh bhi galat nahin hai. Lekin kuchh sahi bhi nahin hai.” Nidhi’s eyes were glued to the floor and she was biting her lips as When he noticed that, he grew apologetic, “I am sorry. Maine aapko pareshaan kar diya.”

“Nahin. Aap sorry kyon bol rahe hain? Aap bas unhein ye packet de dijiyega. Main chalti hoon.”

“Nashta to kar leti…”

“Nahin. Wapas jaana hai. Kissi ko bata kar nahin aayi hoon. Sab jag jayenge to mujhe dhoondhenge…”

“Nidhi,” Armaan spoke again, “Ek aur baat thi.”

“Ji.”

“Mera ye project agle paanch-chah mahinon mein khatm hone waala hai. Uske baad main wapas chala jaunga. Ashutosh aur bhi akela…”

Nidhi looked away, not knowing what to say, but fully understanding the impact of his words.

“Ashutosh naaraaz hoga agar use pata chalega ki maine tumse ye kaha hai. Lekin kya tum apne Baba se baat nahin kar sakti? Koi to tareeka hoga unhein convince karne ka?”

“Mere paas koi plan nahin hai, Dr. Armaan. Lekin itna assure karti hoon ki maine give up nahin kiya hai.”

Nidhi left, but Armaan smiled. There was some hope after all.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 10)

Posted 1 CommentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Dr. Mallika mere saath itne achchhe se behave kyon kar rahi hain?” Nidhi was pacing up and down in his office.

Her childish pout amused Ashutosh and he burst out laughing. “Nidhi. Duniya ki saari security agencies terrorists ke plans ko le kar bhi itna fret nahin karti hongi, jitna tum Mallika ko le kar kar rahi ho.”

“Terrorists se to unhein doosron ko bachana hota hai na. Woh khud thode hi na terrorists ki naak ke neeche rahte hain. Main to Dr. Mallika ki naak ke neeche hoon!”

“Shaant ho jao, Nidhi. Mallika koi conspiracy nahin kar rahi hai.”

“Haan… I guess so… Ab unhein pata hai ki main unke raaste mein nahin rahne waali…” Nidhi suddenly became sad.

“Nidhi,” Ashutosh walked towards her, “Please aise udaas mat ho. Please!”

“Nahin. Main udaas nahin hoon. In fact… Main to soch rahi thi…”

“Kya?”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Life has not been fair to you. Aur itne saalon baad aapne khushi dhoondhi bhi to kismein? Mujhmein? Jo ki aapka saath hi nahin de sakti. Lekin ye bhi to ho sakta hai na ki itne saalon mein aapke daman mein khushiyan aayi bhi ho to aapne unhein andekha kar diya ho. Kyonki aap rishton par, pyaar par bharosa nahin karte the. Ab to aisa nahin raha. To kya aap…” Nidhi’s voice trailed as she could not bring herself to complete her sentence.

“Nidhi,” Ashutosh said plainly, “Mallika ne tumse dushmani isliye nahin chhodi kyonki use lagta hai ki tum uske raaste se hat gayi ho. Usne ye isliye chhodi hai, kyonki use ye pata chal chuka hai ki tumhari jagah meri zindagi mein koi aur nahin le sakta.”

Nidhi stared at him with moist eyes.

“Aur waise bhi Nidhi,” Ashutosh tried to crack a joke to lighten the mood, “Ye pyaar ka khel baar-baar khelne ke liye meri umra thodi zyada ho gayi hai. Mujhse nahin hoga.”

Nidhi remained silent for a while. Then she spoke firmly, “Dr. Ashutosh. Agar aap mera intezaar karenge, to main hamare rishte par give up nahin karoongi. Mujhe nahin pata ki kaise hoga, lekin ek din main Baba ko zaroor mana loongi.”

“Aap aisa kuchh nahin karengi, Dr. Nidhi Verma. Kissi obsession ko le kar zindagi kaise stagnant ho jaati hai, ye main achchhi tarah jaanta hoon. Aur aapki life waise hi stagnant ho jaye, ye main nahin bardasht karoonga.”

“Woh faisla mera hoga,” Nidhi said stubbornly.

“To tum meri baat nahin maanogi?”

“Main aapki kaun si baat nahin maan rahi? Main Baba se jhagda kar rahi hoon? Main apna career banane se inkaar kar rahi hoon? Nahin na? Phir? Ab aap aur kya chahte hain?”

“Bees din Nidhi. Bees din bache hain tumhare is hospital mein. Aur bees din hain jo main tumhari zindagi mein hoon. Iske baad main nahin chahta ki tumhari zindagi ka koi bhi faisla mujhse affected ho.”

“Agar aisa hai, to mujhe aapki baatein manne ki bhi koi zaroorat nahin hai, Dr. Ashutosh. In fact nahin manni chahiye. Mujhe jo man ho who karna chahiye.”

“Nidhi!” Ashutosh looked at her helplessly.

“Aap kyon jhagda kar rahe hain mujhse?” Nidhi complained.

“Nahin kar raha hoon. Mujhe bas tumhari chinta hai.”

“To mujhe pareshaan mat kijiye.”

“Nahin karoonga. Ab muskura do! Please.”

Nidhi obliged him.

Ashutosh had given his customery speech during the farewell of interns, but had excused himself from the rest of the function.

He had also cancelled his appointments for the day, but had not left for home. He stayed in his office, waiting for her to come and say good-bye.

She had not knocked. She had opened the door noiselessly and had entered it as quietly. But he knew she was there, although his back was towards the door.

He turned around in his swivel chair and Nidhi’s heart skipped a beat. What an imposing sight he presented. Sitting in that chair authoritatively. His white, full-sleeve shirt against the black chair made him stand out. His coat lying on the back of the chair aroused a bitter-sweet memory in her.

Nidhi could not control her tears. Ashutosh got up from the chair and came to her. He looked at her for a few moments and then cupped her face. He wiped her tears with his thumbs, while his own eyes were turning moist. Then before he knew it, he had given into the urge of kissing her. He kissed her face senselessly all over, stopping himself only when their lips came close. Then, as if to avoid the urge of crushing her lips, he pulled her in a tight hug. Nidhi responded with equal fervour and clutched at his back. He caressed her, gently at first and then passionately and roughly.  But he regained his control and let her go after a while.

“Nidhi,” he lifter her chin, “Aaj main tumhein koi instructions de kar, tumse kuchh bhi kah kar, hum dono ki mushkilein aur nahin badhaunga. Sach ye hai ki meri kuchh kahne ki himmat hi nahin hai. Bas kabhi meri khushi ka khayaal tumhein pareshaan kare to khud khush rahne ki koshish karna. Tumhein maaloon hai ki usi mein meri khushi hogi.”

Nidhi nodded and wiped her reamining tears, “Aapko kuchh batana tha.”

“Kya?”

“Main kal hi Delhi ja rahi hoon.”

“Kyon?”

“Lucknow mein rah kar yahan na aana, aapse na milna possible nahin hoga. Main wahin par PG ki taiyaari karoongi. Aur ye…” she handed him a paper, “mera roll number hai entrance exam ke liye. Aap shayad result dekhna chahenge.”

Ashutosh nodded with a sad smile, carefully folded the paper and kept it in his shirt pocket.

“Jao Nidhi,” he said in a quivering voice, “Jitni der karogi, utna hi mushkil hoga. Hum dono ke liye.”

“Ji,” she said and turned to leave. She stopped at the door and turned to have a quick look at him.

“Ek minute,” he stopped her and walked to her, “Apna mobile dena.”

Nidhi looked confused at his request, but gave him the mobile anyway. Ashutosh searched for his name in her address book and deleted it. Then he gave it back to her.

“Seriously, Dr. Ashutosh?” she asked definatly and gave him a challenging smile before leaving.

“Ashutosh!” Mallika entered his office. He hadn’t been coming to the hospital for last two days, “Tum theek to ho?”

“Haan Mallika. Mujhe kya hoga? Main bilkul theek hoon.”

“Ashutosh. Tumne use roka kyon nahin? Agar tum kahte to mujhe nahin lagta hai ki woh jaati.”

“I know, Mallika. Isliye to maine nahin roka.”

“Hmm…”

“Mallika. Nidhi surprised thi ki tum khush nahin ho.”

“Sirf Nidhi, ya tum bhi?”

“Mujhe lagta hai ki main tumhein samajh raha hoon. Lekin tum khud kyon nahin batati?”

“Nidhi ne mujhse kaha ki main tumhein jaanti to hoon, lekin samajhti nahin. Aur tum logon ke pyaar ko dekh kar laga ki maine pyaar ko bhi jaana to hai, lekin samjha nahin. Nuggests of wisdom — hum sab jaante hain, lekin khud us par amal kar nahin paate.”

“Matlab?”

“Matlab kahte hain na ki agar aap kissi se pyaar karte hain to you should let him go. Agar woh wapas aaye to who tumhara pyaar tha. Otherwise it wasn’t meant to be. Main aaj tak nahin kar payi. Lekin tumhein karte dekha to himmat kar rahi hoon.”

Ashutosh smiled, “Tumhare man mein koi kadwahat to nahin hai, Mallika?”

“Nahin. Ab nahin rahi.”

“Thank you, Mallika. Tumne aaj mere man ka ek bahut bada bojh halka kar diya. Warna zindagi bhar mujhe ye baat kachotati rahti ki meri wajah se tum dukhi ho.”

“Chalo. Tumhari ek problem to khatam kar payi. Ab ye batao ki tumhari gloominess kaise khatam ki jaye.”

“Uski koshish bhi mat karo, Mallika. Bekaar mein tumhein disappointment hogi.”

Mallika made to say something, but her mobile rang. She was needed in the ward and had to leave.

Despite staying away from work for two days, Ashutosh was not feeling rested. He was tired. But he had to go to the ward. He was getting late. He had barely pulled himself out of the chair, when his mobile rang, He did not recognize the number, but picked it up.

“Hello.”

There was no response. “Hello,” he spoke louder this time thinking that there might be a problem in the line.

He heard a sigh at the other end and fell silent. It took him back to a moment from two days ago. She had sighed when he had released her from his tight hug. There was nothing wrong with the line. His eyes became moist and he slumped back in the chair. It was her. He should tell her not to call him, not to remember him. But he did not open his mouth. He sat there motionless, speechless so long as the call was on. She also did not say anything. After about two minutes, the call was disconnected.

Tears were flowing out of Ashutosh’ eyes. But he realized that he was no longer feeling listless. He wiped his tears and got out of his chair. He went to the ward and busied himself in his work for the rest of the day.

It became a daily ritual after that. The call came. He picked it up, said ‘hello’ and then they stayed with each other in silence. He never heard her voice. But it wasn’t needed either. He saved that number in Nidhi’s name in his mobile.

Sometimes she called twice a day. Sometimes, late at night, when he was in the hospital. She, somehow, knew when he was on night-duty. He had started carrying an ear-phone with him. He would pick up the call even if he was in the middle of some work and continue with his work, instructing the nurse about the medicines, admonishing the patient about not following the suggested diet, joking and playing with the kids. And she listened. For as long as she could.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 9)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Mallika had resented Nidhi all these days. Why shouldn’t she? It had taken Nidhi barely couple of months to win Ashutosh’ heart. Ashutosh? Dr. Ashutosh? Dr. Hardstone? Win that Dr. Ashuotsh’ heart? And win it with such ease as if he wore his heart on his sleeves. He didn’t. Who knew better than Mallika? She had been trying to occupy some little corner in that heart for years now. But it was untouchable. Securely locked away in some dark, unreachable corner. At least, until now, he hadn’t accepted it. But today even that little façade had broken down. He had accepted his feelings for Nidhi. She had, expectedly, felt bitter.

But surprise had quickly overshadowed bitterness. He had said they weren’t going to be together. Ashutosh was unquestionably  heart-broken by this. Yet he claimed that the decision was his own. Why? He definitely did not care about wagging tongues. That was a danger she had tried to impress upon him so many times, but he had always rebuffed her. In that maddening polite manner of his. There had been times when Mallika had thought that Ashutosh and Nidhi were drifting apart. But they always came back togther. Then why this decision now? Was it Nidhi’s doing then? Had she suddenly realized the monstrosity of the idea? Her and Ashutosh?

“Dr. Nidhi!” Mallika found her in the common room.

“Ji?” Nidhi braced herself for some jabbing. After all, Mallika had found her in Ashutosh’ office earlier. And in a state that would be questionable in her mind.

“Mujhe aapse kuchh baat karni thi.”

“Boliye,” Nidhi’s attitude was defiant already.

“Yahan nahin. Let’s go to the terrace.”

“Kyon?”

“Please, Dr. Nidhi. Important hai,” Mallika’s pleading took Nidhi was surprised. She wasn’t going to play her seniority card as usual? Driven more by her curiosity and surprise, than any genuine wish to humour her, Nidhi followed Mallika to the terrace.

“Ab aapko kya shikayat hai mujhse, Dr. Mallika?” Nidhi just wanted to get over with it. She didn’t want to hear Malllika beating around the bush.

“Tum aakhir chahti kya ho Nidhi? Pahle to tumne na logon ka khayaal kiya, na hi meri suni aur Ashutosh ke kareeb aa gayi. Aur aaj… aaj jab woh tumse itna pyaar karne lage hain to phir tum unhein chhod kar kyon jaana chahti ho?”

Nidhi shook her head in confusion, “Aapko kisne kya bataya hai jo aap ye sawaal poochh rahi hain? Kya hua hai, ye aapko maloon bhi hai?”

“Agar tum Ashutosh ki zindagi se ja rahi ho to iska matlab aur kya ho sakta hai? Is stage par, ye Ashutosh ka faisla to nahin ho sakta hai? Ab to woh hichakte bhi nahin hain tum dono ka rishta accept karne mein?”

“Dr. Mallika. Pata hai aapki problem kya hai? Aap Dr. Ashutosh ko jaanti ho hain, lekin kabhi samajh nahin payi. Theek usi tarah jaise ki main aapko jaanti to hoon, lekin samajh nahin pati. Jo bhi wajah ho, agar main Dr. Ashutosh ki zindagi se ja rahi hoon, to aapko to khush hona chahiye. Aap yahi to chahti thi. Phir aap mujhse ye sawaal-jawaab kyon kar rahi hain?”

“Jab maine Ashutosh ko itna samjhaya tha, tab to usne meri ek nahin suni. Na hi tumne suni. To ab aisa kya ho gaya?”

Nidhi sighed, “Agar jaanne se aapko shanti milti hai to jaan lijiye, Dr. Mallika. Aapne jo mujhe warning di thi, who sahi thi. Log is rishte ko accept nahin karenge. Aur unmein se kuchh log aise hain jo matter karte hain.”

“Kaun?”

“Mere Baba.”

“Oh!” Mallika remarked bitterly, “To is naa-manzoori ke baad Ahustosh ne tumhara saath nahin diya, ya tumne uska saath chhod diya?”

“Phir galti kar di na aapne samajhne mein Dr. Mallika. Mujhe bhi, aur Dr. Ashutosh ko bhi. Hum dono ek-doosre ka saath de rahe hain. Isliye to ye faisla kiya hai. Khair. Main chalti hoon. Kuchh dinon ki hi baat hai ab bas. Phir main yahan nahin rahungi. Agar aapko lagta hai ki meri wajah se aapse kuchh chhin raha tha to woh shikayat ab aapko nahin rahegi. Aur mera yakeen maaniye, Dr. Mallika, ki agar aap Dr. Ashutosh ki zindagi mein woh khushiyan la sakti hain, jinke woh haqdaar hain, to mujhse zyada khush aur koi nahin hoga. Lekin… uske liye aapko unhein samajhna padega.”

Nidhi left a thoughtful Mallika behind.

Mallika was alone in the common room, sipping a cup of tea, when Rangnath walked in.

“Ye kaise ho gaya, Dr. Mallika? Aap akeli baithi hain. Aapke admirers ki queue kahan gayi?” he teased.

“Aapko dekh kar bhaag gayi.”

“Kya baat kar rahi hain? Hamari aisi kismat kahan? Waise akele-akele soch kya rahi hain aap?”

“Agar main kuchh sochne layak soch rahi thi, to aapko lagta hai ki aapko batana achchha idea hai?”

“Yahi to problem hai na, Dr. Mallika. Aap kissi aur ko mauka hi nahin deti.”

“Koi kaise decide karta hai ki kisko mauka dena hai, kisko nahin?”

“Jahan tak muhje maaloon hai, iski koi exact diagnosis to nahin hoti, koi prescription bhi nahin hai. Bas dil ki aawaaz sunni padti hai.”

“Aur agar jiske liye aapka dil aawaaz lagaye, uske dil mein aapke liye koi jagah na ho to?”

“To phir live-happily-every-after ki jagah aapko shaayar banna padta hai. Aapne suna hai – Viyogi hoga pahla kavi, aah se nikla hoga gaan…”

“Suna to nahin tha ab tak, lekin samajh mein aa raha hai.”

“Bas uski hi zaroorat hai. Lekin “tu nahin aur sahi” to suna hoga. Woh bhi achchha jumla hai.”

Mallika laughed. But it was a sad laughter.

Just then Ashutosh and Nidhi walked into the room. Mallika noticed that they sitffened on seeing her there.

“Aao Ashutosh, Dr. Nidhi. Dr. Rangnath mujhe life ki philosophy samjha rahe the. Aap log bhi join kijiye,” Mallika’t tone was genuine, friendly and pleasant. Nidhi and Ashutosh were surprised, and a little suspicious. Was it going to followed by some jab? But Ashutosh smiled sweetly at Mallika and sat down across the sofa.

“Aap chai lenge ya coffee?” Nidhi asked him.

“Coffee. Thanks Nidhi.”

Nidhi went to the dispensing machine to get their drinks.

“Dr. Rangnath ki philosophy to kaafee rangeen hogi, Mallika. Hum log uska kya karenge?”Ashutosh continued the conversation.

“Sir. Kya chauka maara aapne aate hi! Ek hi sentence mein mujhe duniya ka sabse useless insaan saabit kar diya.”

Ashutosh laughed, “Useful aur useless context mein hote hain, Dr. Rangnath. Ab aapka jo charm patients ki beemaari nahin theek kar sakta, woh aapko ek able administrator banne mein help to karta hi hai.”

“Pata nahin aapne ek doctor ki burai ki ya ek administrator ki tareef ki. Lekin chaliye. Main taareef hi maan kar khush ho leta hoon.”

Nidhi’s mobile rang. She disconnected it and gave Ashutosh his coffee, “Main chalti hoon, Sir. Anji mujhe pickup karne aa gayi hai.”

“All right.”

“Good night, Sir. Good night Dr. Mallika, Dr. Rangnath.”

“Main aapko darwaze tak pahuncha kar aata hoon,” Rangnath said eagerly.

“Mujhe? Dr. Rangnath, aap theek to hain? Main is hospital mein almost ek saal se kaam kar rahi hoon.”

“To kya hua? Chivalry naam ki koi cheez hoti hai ki nahin?”

Nidhi, Ashutosh and Mallika looked at each other with knowing smiles. Then Nidhi burst out laughing. “Main samajh gayi, aapki chivalry kiske liye chhalak rahi hai. Chaliye. Lekin kuchh aisa mat kijiyega ki use gussa aa jaye. Main apni evening kharaab nahin karna chahti.”

“Kaise bahki-bahki baatein kar rahi hain aap, Dr. Nidhi. Chaliye to sahi.”

Ashutosh and Mallika laughed out loud after they had left.

“Dr. Rangnath incorrigible hain,” Mallika said.

“I know,” Ashutosh replied and looked at Mallika curiously.

“Kya hua? Aise kya dekh rahe ho?”

“Pata nahin. Kuchh different behave kar rahi ho aaj.”

“Change is the only constant, Ashutosh.”

“Yeah. Aur mujhe ye feel ho raha hai ki it is for good.”

“Shayad.”

“Great. Chalo – main chalta hoon. Kal subah jaldi aana hai. Tum nikal rahi ho?”

“Nahin. Meri night duty hai.”

“Okay. Bye Mallika.”

“Bye Ashutosh.”

Ashutosh smiled as he sat in his car. Nidhi had told him about her conversation with Mallika. They had been unable to understand Mallika’s intent behind questioning Nidhi. But now he was hopeful. The mature calmness with which she had behaved in the common room gave him hope. She might just have been happy about Nidhi’s imminent departure from Ashutosh’ life. But Ashutosh had a feeling that it was different. That Mallika was leaving her obsession and self-centred world-view behind. And she was looking at things as they were, not as she wanted them to be. If that was indeed the case, it would save her from further heartaches. Nidhi had finally managed to affect even Mallika positively! If Nidhi were around, he would have liked to pull her in a tight hug. Good that she wasn’t.

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 8)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

The girl was three-year old, Nidhi was informed. Badly bruised with a limp in her left leg, howling in pain. Nidhi fruitlessly tried to calm her down so that she could administer her a pain killer, and then start a diagnosis.

“Kya hua?” Ashutosh came in along with the nurse who had gone to call him.”

“Buri tarah se injured hai Sir. Pain killer legi tabhi kuchh shaant hogi aur tabhi diagnosis ho payegi. Lekin injection dene hi nahin de rahi hai.”

“Sister. Aap please patient ko hold kijiye. Zabardasti karni pade to koi baat nahin. Injection dena hi hoga.”

“Zabardasti karni zaroori hai kya?” Nidhi’s face contorted as if she could feel the little girl’s pain herself.

“Dr. Nidhi. Bachchi bahut chhoti hai. Ise samjhaana mushkil hai ki iske liye kya achchha hai aur kya bura. Zabardasti nahin ki to aise hi pain mein rahegi. Sister, please hold her. Here. Dr. Nidhi. Injection dijiye please.”

Nidhi obeyed him and administered injection to the girl, whose howling got only worse. But soon the strong pain killer showed its effect and she grew calmer.

“Ab kya karna hai?” Ashutosh wanted Nidhi to take control.

“Bruises par dawaa lagani hai. Pairon mein fracture hai clearly. X-ray karwana padega. Par jaisi condition hai, aur bhi injuries ho sakti hain. To baaki body parts ka bhi check up…”

“Right. Ye sab karwaiye aur accordingly treat kijiye.”

“Orthopedics ki zaroorat hogi…”

“Main phone kar deta hoon. Dr. Dutta honge. Aap unki help le lijiye. Koi complication ho to mujhe bula lijiye. Otherwise jab sab control mein aa jaye to mujhe report kijiye. Main apne office mein hoon.”

“Yes Sir.”

Nidhi had reverted to not knocking before entering his office.

“Baitho Nidhi.”

“Pairon mein fracture tha, Sir, aur shoulders mein bhi minor injury thi.”

“Everything in control?”

“Theek ho jayegi. Lekin Dr. Dutta kah rahe the ki agar follow up physiotherapy nahin hui, to life long limp rah jayega pairon mein. Abhi to police layi ise hospital. I doubt ki aage kuchh aur uski family karwa payegi.”

“Ye hua kaise?”

“Ye police ki report hai,” Nidhi handed him a paper, “Uske father ne nashe ki halat mein pahle uski Ma ko peet-peet kar behosh kar diya. Bachchi ki neend khul gayi aur woh dar ke maare rone lagi to use bistar se utha kar neeche patak diya.”

“Itni baar dekha hai aise wahshi logon ko, Nidhi. Lekin ab bhi mushkil hota hai ye manna ki aise log duniya mein ho sakte hain.”

“Pata hai, Dr. Ashutosh. Bachpan mein Baba ko is baat ki bahut chinta hoti thi ki main darpok na rah jaun. To woh mujhe bahut pareshaan karte the. Ek baar swimming pool mein daal diya – floater ke saath, of course –  to ek baar almirah par chadha kar chhod diya. Main chillati rahi, lekin woh meri ek nahin sun rahe the. Ulta Hans rahe the. Ki main Itni darpok kyon hoon. Lekin mujhe koi injection lagna hota to khud rone lagte the, injection lagne ke pahle hi. Ek baar to woh behosh hi ho gaye the…” Nidhi laughed slightly recalling the incident and Ashutosh also joined her.

“Ek taraf aise experiences hain, Nidhi, aur doosri taraf aise cases,” he pointed towards the police report, “Inhein dekh kar mahsoos hota hai na ki tum aur main kitne lucky hain ki hamein apne Baba se itna pyaar mila.”

Nidhi nodded. “Jo log kissi ko itna dard dete hain, mera wash chale to main unka khoon kar doon. Is duniya mein rahne ke layak nahin hain woh.”

“Maanta hoon ki jo kaam iske father ne kiya hai woh bahut ghinona hai. Lekin kissi ki galti ko khud galti kar ke theek to nahin kiya ja sakta na. Zulm ko khatm karne ke liye khud zulm karna to theek nahin hai.”

“To phir zulm khatm kaise ho?”

“Pata nahin,” Ashutosh laughed slightly and turned jocular, “Maine to kabhi zulm kiye nahin.”

“Un sab logon ki aatmaayen, jinhone aapke under kaam kiya hai, aapko jhootha kah kar laanat de rahi hongi abhi.”

Ashutosh laughed, “Lagta hai jo tumhein shuruaat mein thoda bahut daant diya tha maine, uske liye mujhe kabhi maaf nahin karogi.”

“Kabhi bhi nahin,”Nidhi replied playfully.

“Tumhara ilzaam galat hai Nidhi. Zulm to mere oopar hue hain.”

“Aap par kaun se zulm hue hain?”

“Hue hain, kai tareeke ke.”

“Main nahin maanti. Aap par zulm karne ki himmat kiski hai. Aisa koi himmat waala insaan hai to main usse ab tak mili kaise nahin?”

“Roz hi milti ho.”

“Kaun? Main to nahin mili aise kissi insaan se.”

“Kyon? Aaina nahin dekhti tum roz?”

“Ji?”

“Ji.”

“Achchha mazaak hai. Maine kya zulm kiye hain aapke oopar?”

“Yahi kya kam zulm hai ki zulm kiye itni berahmi se aur aur ab itni innocently poochh rahi ho ki kya kiya.”

“Aapne to ghazalein sunni chhod di thi. Ye shayar kaise ban gaye?”

“Ye bhi aapke hi zulmon ka nateeza hai.”

“Dr. Ashutosh.” Nidhi could not hold her cheekiness any longer and turned red.

“Can I let myself go, Nidhi? Bas jo thode din hamare paas bache hain unmein? Kya main tumhein apne man ki sab baatein bata sakta hoon? Jo ki shayad mujhe nahin batani chahiye kyonki is rishte ka, hamari feelings ka future mujhe maaloom hai. Lekin phir bhi…”

“Ek baar zindagi jeene ka haq to sabko hai. Mujhe bhi hai. Aapko bhi. To phir hum ye haq kyon na claim karein?”

Ashutosh smiled at her. A smile mixed with fondness, longing, love, desire and pain. Nidhi could not meet his eyes and lowered hers. A shy smile was playing on her lips.

Just then they heard a knock, and the door opened without waiting for Ashutosh’ permission.

“Ashutosh,” Mallika came in, but froze at her place momentarily, when she saw Nidhi and Ashutosh. She hadn’t give them time to recover from the effect of their conversation. Nidhi was still smiling shyly and Ashutosh still had the lovelorn look in his eyes.

“Did I disturb?” Mallika asked awkwardly, “Kya baatein kar rahe the aap log?” The awkwardness quickly turned to bitterness in her second question.

“Kuchh nahin, Mallika,” Ashutosh replied calmly, “Jo case abhi abhi police le kar aayi hai, Dr. Nidhi usi ki report de rahi thi mujhe. Tum dekhna chahogi?”

“Nahin. Iski koi zaroorat nahin hai. The case is in capable hands.”

“Right.”

Meanwhile Nidhi and Ashutosh had silently communicated that Nidhi should leave.

“Main chalti hoon,” she said, picked up the case files and left.

“So, Mallika. What’s up?”

“What’s up? Iska jawaab to tumhein dena chahiye Ashutosh.”

“Baitho Mallika.”

“Baith kar kya karoongi. Mujhe lagta nahin ki hamare beech kuchh baat karne ko raha hai ab.”

“Kyon?”

“Woh jagah Dr. Nidhi ne jo le li hai.”

“Mallika. Maine tumse kabhi jhooth nahin bola hai is maamle mein. Aaj bhi nahin bolunga. Jo baatein hum pahle kar sakte the, woh aaj bhi kar sakte hain. Aur jo pahle nahin kar sakte the, woh Nidhi meri zindagi mein ho ya nahin, hum nahin kar sakte hain.”

“Matlab Nidhi tumhari zindagi mein hai?”

“Jhooth nahin bolunga Mallika. Mere dil mein woh hai. Lekin meri zindagi mein woh nahin hai, nahin ho sakti, aur nahin hogi.”

“Kya matlab?”

“Let it be Mallika. It’s not easy for me to let her go. But I have to. Ye tumhari wajah se nahin ho raha hai. Lekin agar isse tumhein khushi hoti hai, to achchha hai. Kam-se-kam koi to khush hai.”

“Ho kya raha hai?”

“The expected. Nidhi ki internship khatam ho rahi hai. Ek mahina bacha hai. Uske baad woh yahan nahin rahegi. Tumhein use nahin jhelna padega. Bas ek request hai tumse, is ek mahine mein uske saath koi dushmani mat rakhna. Usne tumhara kuchh nahin bigaada hai. Agar kissi ne tumhara dil toda hai, to woh main hoon. Unfotunately, main uske liye kuchh kar nahin sakta. Jo feelings mere andar nahin hai, woh nahin hain aur aage bhi bhi nahin aayengi. Lekin tum yun samajh lo ki tumhara dil todne ki sazaa mujhe mil rahi hai, kyonki apna dil mujhe apne haathon se todna pad raha hai. Ho sake to mujhe aur sazaa mat dena.”

“Ashutosh!”

“I am sorry Mallika. Main thodi der akela rahna chahta hoon.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. But I need to be alone.”

“Fine then.”

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 7)

Posted Leave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Kya main aapse mil sakti hoon?” Nidhi called Ashutosh up.

“Of course. Ismein poochhne ka kya hai, Nidhi. Jaldi se theek ho kar hospital wapas aa jao…”

“Nahin. Mujhe abhi milna hai.”

“Main bhi milna chahta hoon, Nidhi, lekin Baba ko kya bologi? Phone par baat kar sakte hain na…”

“Mere ghar ke paas ek park hai. Main aaj shaam paanch baje wahan evening walk ke liye aaungi. Aapko hospital se jaldi nikalna padega…”

“Theek hai. Main aa jaunga,” Ashutosh himself was eager to meet her. Maintaining a facade of detachment and calm understanding to keep her out of trouble had not been easy. So, despite his uptight morales advising against any kind of deception to Baba, he grabbed the opportunity Nidhi offered.

“Hi,” Ashutosh greeted her with a smile and sat down beside her on a bench.

“Aap Baba ka reaction anticipate kar rahe the, aisa laga mujhe. To kya aap bhi unki baat se agree karte hai?”

“Kissi ko samajhna usse agree karna to nahin hota, Nidhi? Main to ab Mallika ke kaam bhi anticipate kar leta hoon, jo woh tumhein pareshaan karne ke liye karti hai.”

She smiled slightly at that. Then returned to her question, “Agar aisa nahin hai to phir aap itne dinon se kyon mujhe…”

“…khud se door kiye hue tha?”

She nodded.

“Nidhi. Kya tum kabhi apne Baba ke khilaaf ja kar khush rah paogi? Apne parivaar se door jaana manzoor hoga tumhein?”

She shook her head. Tears clouded her eyes as she anticipated Ashutosh was spelling out the unsolvable problem.

“To Maine tumhein sahi hi samjha tha Nidhi. Jis dorahe par tum aaj khadi ho, main tumhein wahan nahin laana chahta tha.”

“Lekin main aapke bina bhi nahin rah sakti,” she whined childishly. Was she hoping for miracle?.

“Bilkul rah sakti ho. Aur rahogi,” Ashutosh said, ostensibly with confidence. But a sharp pain in his throat and chest threatened the façade.

Nidhi shook her head vigorously, like a child insistent upon buying a toy he had taken fancy to.

“Nidhi please,” Ashutosh pleaded, “Tumhein kya lagta hai ye sab kahna ya karna mere liye aasaan hai. Jab se main ye faisla lene par majboor ho gaya hoon ki tumhein khud se door karna hai, tab se main ek-ek pal mein jaane kitni mautein mara hoon. Nidhi. Tumhari zindagi mein to Baba hain, tumhari family hai, dost hain. Mere paas? Mere paas tumhare alaawa koi nahin hai. To batao main kya karoon? Kya apni zindagi ka khalipan bharne ke liye tumse ye kahoon ki tum apne Baba ko chhod kar mere paas aa jao? Apni khushiyon ke liye tumhari khushiyon ka gala ghot doon? Tumhare Baba ko ghut-ghut kar marne ke liye chhod doon? Aur maan lo ki main ye sab kar bhi loon, to kya uske baad main khud khush rah paunga? Help me, Nidhi. Don’t make it so difficult for me. Please help me.”

The tirade had its effect. His vulnerability mutated her from a petulant child to a mature woman. “I am sorry. Aap please aise pareshaan mat hoiye. Main bachchon ki tarah zidd kar rahi thi.”

“Nidhi. Mahine bhar ki baat hai. Phir hamare raaste alag hone hi hain. Kya tum mujhse ek waada karogi?”

“Aap Jo kahenge main karoongi.”

Oh yes! Pretend that your life is not going to be turned upside down after this. Both of them had some variation of this thought in their heads, laced with helplessness, and some bitterness too, at the situation. The price you pay for being sensitive and mature!

“To Nidhi mujhse waada karo ki sabse pahle to tum apna khayaal rakhogi. Jo tumne apni health ke saath kiya hai pichhle dinon mein woh dubara nahin hoga.”

Nidhi nodded with a small, apologetic smile.

“Aur waada karo ki apne career par mehnat karogi. Maine pahle bhi tumse kaha hai ki mujhe tumme ek bahut achchi doctor banne ki capability dikhti hai. Aur main tumhein is profession ki peak par dekhna chahta hoon.”

“Main kahan tak pahunch paungi, ye to mujhe nahin pata. Lekin meri koshishon mein koi kami nahin rahegi, ye waada karti hoon.”

“Aur ek aakhiri baat,” Ashutosh said and paused before continuing, “Tum young ho, Nidhi. Tumhari zindagi mein aur log aayenge. Mujhse waada karo ki tum apni zindagi mein aage badhne ki koshish karogi. Meri wajah se  tumhari zindagi rukni nahin chahiye.”

“Don’t be so harsh on me, Dr. Ashutosh,” Nidhi was, at least midly, offended, “Ye waada main nahin kar sakti. Haan. Jis din aap aage badh jayenge, mujhe bata dijiyega. Shayad tab main bhi seekh jaungi ki aisa kaise karte hain. Itna kuchh aaj tak aapse hi to seekha hai.”

“Nidhi…”

“No, Dr. Ashutosh. Please.”

Ashutosh sighed and refrained from insisting further.

“Kuchh meri bhi farmaishein hain, Dr. Ashutosh.”

That made Ashutosh smile, “Bolo.”

“Pahli baat to ye ki…” she gulped before she was able to continue, “mere jaane ke baad…” and then stopped.

“Yeah. Tumhare jaane ke baad… We have to get used to it, Nidhi. Batao.”

“Aap wapas se Dr. Hardstone nahin ban jayenge. Thoda-bahut hansna achchhi baat hoti hai.”

Ashutosh laughed slightly, then became serious, “Mushkil hai. Lekin koshish karoonga.”

“Aur…”

“Aur?”

“Aur jo ek mahina hamare paas hai, who main aise nahin guzaarna chahti. Aise hichakte hue, ek-doosre se bhaagte hue, darte hue. Main khush rahna chahti hoon. Aur iske liye hamein kuchh bhi aisa karne ki zaroorat nahin hai jisse Baba ko taqleef ho, ya kissi aur ko. Bas… aapse dher saari baatein karna chahti hoon. Kya ye ho sakta hai?” She had started out confidently, but became uncertain towards the end, and her voice trailed off. She felt that he would refuse. The feeling turned to certainty, when he did not respond for a while and looked intently at her. “I know…” she spoke again, “It was a bad idea… Sorry… Rahne dijiye… Main… main aapko bilkul bhi pareshaan nahin karoongi…”

“Tum mujhe pareshaan nahin karogi, Nidhi, to Dr. Hardstone na banne ki motivation kahan se aayegi mere paas? Pareshaan to tumhein mujhe karna hi padega. Bas ek shart hai.”

“Kya?” Nidhi beamed,

“Mere liye chai laani padegi.”

Nidhi giggled as she replied, “Button daba kar hi na? Chalega.”

Ashutosh smiled, “Shaam ho rahi hai. Tumhein wapas jaana chahiye. Thandh badh jayegi. See you in the hospital.”

“Main parson wapas aa rahi hoon.”

“Lekin…”

“Not a day more, Dr. Ashutosh.”

To be continued

Sacrifices (Part 6)

Posted 2 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

How had it come to this? This girl had an uncomplicated, simple life. She had a loving family and supporting friends. She had the charm and exuberance that could lighten up even his dark, gloomy life. What complication could have crept into her life to have made her so dispirted and depressed. Unless it was him?

Had he made a mistake by not talking to her? He had to find out and he did so by asking directly, “Nidhi. Kya tumhari pareshaani main hoon?”

She was caught unguarded. It took her few moments to collect her thoughts, “Pareshaani aap nahin hain. Pareshaani main hoon. Lekin aap please aur kuchh mat poochhiye. Main aur sab kuchh bardasht kar sakti hoon. Lekin ye nahin ki meri wajah se aapko koi pareshaani ho. Ya kissi bhi wajah se aap mujhse nafrat karein.”

“Tumse nafrat? Main? Nidhi, tum mujhe thoda bhi samajhti ho ya nahin?” he was irritated. He went forward and held her again, “Ab bahut tedhi-medhi baatein ho gayin. Aur bahut pareshaan rah li tum. Batao mujhe kya baat hai? Aur main bina jaane tumhein yahan se jaane nahin doonga. Batao mujhe.”

Nidhi shook her head. She won’t talk!

“Nidhi,” Ashutosh persuaded, “Tum mere reaction se kyon dar rahi ho? Main… main tumhari baaton ka bura nahin maan sakta. Tumse nafrat… I don’t think I need to explain that it is impossible. Aur… chalo theek hai. Agar maan bhi lete hain ki mujhe bura lag jayega. To kya hoga? Itna to bharosa mujh par kar sakti ho tum ki tumhari professional life par isse koi asar nahin padega. Ab to tumhari internship bhi khatam hone waali hai. Phir tumhein kya problem ho sakti hai mujhse? Batao Nidhi. Mere liye ye janna bahut zaroori hai ki kya baat tumhein khaye ja rahi hai? Aur… Kaise tumhari khushiyan wapas aa sakti hain? Main kya karoon, Nidhi? Batao mujhe.”

“Let me go. Mujhe jaane dijiye, Dr. Ashutosh.” Her voice trailed away and then, in complete incongruence with what she said, she leaned on him. The next moment Ashutsoh realized that she had fainted.

For the time first time in so many years of his career, he felt a chill run down his spine at a medical situation. He had to consciously remind himself that it was probably just weakness and fatigue; nothing more serious. He made her sit on the chair and called for help to take her into a room where she could be given glucose.

Ashutosh stayed by her bedside the entire night. Towards the dawn, he checked her pulse. He was satisfied with the improvement. But as he made to pull his hand away, he was interrupted. She clutched his hand. He looked at her curiously. She had still not woken up.

“I am sorry. I can’t live without you,” she murmured in her sleep. Pain and guilt washed over Ashutosh. So, that’s what it was. He had tried to do it gently, but him pushing her away had been too hard on her. So hard that…

She opened her eyes and looked around confused. It took her a moment to recall what had happened. She let his hand go as soon as she realized that she was holding it.

“Are you okay?” Ashutosh asked gently.

“Ji,” her voice was weak, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Ashutosh smiled, but sadly, “Kis liye? Kin-kin cheezon ke liye khud ko blame kar rahi ho Nidhi? Kin-kin baaton ke liye khud ko guilty maan kar sazaa de rahi ho.”

“Meri kuchh samajh mein nahin aa raha hai.”

Ashutosh looked at her sickly face. She was still unwell. It wouldn’t do to have an intense heart-to-heart just then.

“Tumhein fresh ho kar, kuchh khane ki aur dawaiyan lene ki zaroorat hai. Main nurse ko bhejta hoon. She will help you. I will be back later.”

“Nidhi. Tumhare Baba aa rahe hain hospital. Tumhein ghar le kar jayenge. Kam se kam ek hafte tumhein ghar par aaraam karna hai,” Ashutosh told her when he came back.

“Main ek hafte ghar par nahin baith sakti. Mujhe yahan aana hai.”

“Kyon?”

Nidhi stayed quiet.

“Main kuchh poochh raha hoon tumse,” Ashutosh tried to sound stern.

“Bas aise hi.”

“Agar tum mujhe sach bataogi to shayad main tumhein aane doonga. Otherwise sawaal hi nahin paida hota…”

“Aap kyon kar rahe hain aisa?” Nidhi burst out, “Maine to aapke liye koi pareshaani nahin khadi ki hai. Meri wajah se koi aapko kuchh kah to nahin raha hai. Koi badnaami to nahin ho rahi hai aapki? Phir? Main bas thoda samay hi to yahan bitaana chahti hoon na? Jo do mahine yahan bache hain mere, thodee der aapko door se dekhna chahti hoon. Kya ismein bhi logon ko koi problem hai?”

“Logon ko koi problem kyon hogi, Nidhi?”

“To aapko kya problem hai?”

“Mujhe problem ye hai ki…” Ashutosh hesitated. What should he say? What should he not say? It was complicatd, but he proceeded, “Mujhe problem ye hai, Nidhi, ki main bhi yahi chahta hoon. Balki isse bahut zyada chahta hoon. Kya tumhein ye baat kabhi samajh mein nahin aayi? Lekin ye sahi nahin hai.”

His acceptance of his feelings calmed Nidhi down. “I know,” she responded, “I know ki ye sahi nahin hai. Isse aapke oopar ungliyan uthengi. Isliye to…”

“Mere oopar ungliyan uthengi?” Ashutosh was surprised, “Mere oopar kaun ungliyan uthayega, Nidhi? Mere aage peechhe kaun hai jiski main parwaah karoon. Baat woh nahin hai.”

“Phir?” Nidhi was also surprised.

“Pagal ladki. Tum mere baare mein soch rahi ho. Apne baare mein nahin sochti?”

“Ji?”

“Nidhi. Jo tum chahti ho, aur… jo main bhi chahta hoon, uski impossibility ka ehsaas nahin hua kabhi tumhein?”

“Kaisi impossibility. Jab aapko koi problem nahin hai, mujhe koi problem nahin hai aur hum dono ek doosre se pyaar karte hain to kissi aur ko kya problem ho sakti hai?”

How easily and simply did she talk about love? Only an innocent and pure soul could do it. Ashutosh was surprised and enamoured at the same time. But his fond expressions changed to alarmed when he looked up and saw Nidhi’s father standing at the door, shocked and hurt at what he had overheard. Ashutosh closed his eyes and cursed himself silently for being so careless.

Nidhi also flustered on seeing him. But she did not anticipate the storm that Ashutosh did.

“Dr. Ashutosh,” Baba addresed him directly, “Mujhe lagta tha ki aap ek mature aur achchhe insaan hain. Nidhi ne zindagi nahin dekhi hai. Apna bhala bura nahin samajhti hai. Aur maine expect kiya tha ki aap use sahi se guide kar sakte hain. Lekin I am disappointed.”

“Baba!” Nidhi was flabbergasted, “Aap aise kyon bol rahe hain. Dr. Ashutosh ne kya kiya?”

“Sahi kaha tumne, Nidhi. Unhone kuchh nahin kiya. Kiya to maine hai. Apni beti par bharosa kiya. Use itni aazaadi di. Ye soch kar ki who uska misuse nahin karegi. Galti maine ki, Nidhi.”

Nidhi was speechless. She hadn’t expected this reaction from Baba. She looked from Ashutosh to Baba.

“Baba,” Ashutosh said calmly, “I am sorry. Aapne sahi kaha. Aisa kuchh na ho, iska dhyaan rakhna meri zimmedaari thi. Aur ho sake to mera yakeen kijiye, aisa kuchh bhi nahin hua hai jiske liye aapko pareshaan hone ki zaroorat ho. Nidhi aisa kuchh nahin karegi jismein aapki sahmati na ho. Aur agar woh karna bhi chahe to main use karne nahin doonga. Abhi uski tabiyat kharaab hai. Use aaraam ki zaroorat hai. Aap please use ghar le jaiye. Ye mera waada hai aapse ki Nidhi ke saath kuchh galat nahin hoga. Aapko Nidhi se gussa hone ki koi zaroorat nahin hai.”

Baba nodded, though he still looked unhappy. Nidhi looked at Ashutosh with longing and tears in her eyes. Ashutosh blinked and nodded silently pleading with her to not hurt herself.

“Baba. Mujhe to lagta tha ki aap Dr. Ashutosh ko pasand karte hain.”

“Haan. Pasand karta hoon. Lekin tumhare jeevan-saathi ki tarag nahin, Nidhi. Kam se kam dus-pandrah saal to bade hain woh tumse?”

“Kya bas yahi aapki problem hai Baba?”

“Dekho Nidhi. Problem meri nahin hai. Problem tumhari hai,” Baba explained patiently, “Ye umra ka farq almost ek generation ka farq hai. Main samajh sakta hoon ki tum Dr. Ashutosh ko idolize karne lagi ho. Aisa hota hai aur ismein kuchh bura nahin hai. Lekin jeevan-saathi chunna alag baat hoti hai. Jab idolization khatam ho jayega to rozmarra ki zindagi ke sawaal saamne aayenge. Aur ye zindagi bhar ka faisla hota hai. Koi ek do din ke adjustment ki baat nahin hai…”

“Lekin Baba…”

“Nidhi. Is baare mein bahas karna bekaar hai. Mujhe nahin lagta ki Dr. Ashutosh ko chunna sahi faisla hai tumhare liye. Main iske liye kabhi raazi nahin hounga. Agar tum ye faisla logi to tumhein mere khilaaf ja kar hi lena padega.”

“Baba. Main unse pyaar karti hoon…”

“Aur mujhe is baat se kabhi koi problem nahin hogi ki tum apna jeevan-saathi khud chuno. Lekin main jaante-boojhte tumhein ek disasterous faisla nahin lene de sakta.”

Nidhi realized that arguing further was useless at that time.

To be continued