Category: Language

Hopeless Hope (Part 5)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Original, Rupali-Paritosh

She hadn’t opened her mouth. But could he trust her? Things had changed since that day. After sharing the most personal parts of his life with her, it was not possible for him to stay aloof from her. And she had started paying more attention to him. Or at least he had started noticing her attentions.

“Do you eat fish?” she had bursted in to his office one day.

“Why?”

“Because I have some for you.”

“And where did you get it from?”

“Now that’s not fair. I asked a question first. And you have already asked me two in return without replying to mine.”

He had laughed at that and had realized immediately how rare that was. He didn’t laugh very often. “Sorry! So what was your question?” A smile still played on his lips.

“Do you eat fish?”

“Yes. I do. And to compensate for not answering earlier, let me answer any related questions to be asked in future as well. I am omnivorous. I eat almost everything.”

“Good then. Try this,” she opened a tiffin box and offered it to him. The box had some fried pieces of fish.

“Where did you get these from?”

“One of my neighbours was in town. Ma sent some through him.”

“They are delicious.”

“She is a good cook. But then all kids feel that way about their mothers, I believe.”

He had laughed again and replied, “But your mother really is. It is delicious.”

“Then have some more.”

“They are for you.”

“Far too many. And I can’t keep them for long. There are no refrigerators in the hostel. Have them please.”

Yet another day she came with some sweets.

“What’s the occasion?”

“A very auspicious one. It’s my birthday,” she had replied with a grin.

“Oh! Wow. I had no idea. Happy Birthday, Rupali. I am sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t even have a gift.”

“That’s easy. You can compensate by giving me an ‘A’ in the project.”

He had mocked a frown, “You are bribing me?”

And both of them had broken into laughter. He had started laughing quite often in her presence.

“Wait Rupali,” he had stopped her when she had made to leave, “I know nobody writes these days, except to put signatures on forms once in a while. But still…” He had taken out a pen from his drawer and had offered it to her. “My advisor had given it to me when I had completed my Ph. D. I kept it with me for all these years. Time to pass it on. Happy birthday.”

Rupali had been surprised beyond belief. It was obvious that it meant a lot to him. For him to have kept it in his drawers all the time. When she took the pen from him, there was a moment when they had held it at the same time. Their fingers hadn’t touched, but it had still sent shivers down her spine.

“Thank you,” she had mumbled, “I couldn’t have gotten a better birthday gift.” She did not dare meet his eyes. She was afraid they would give away more than either of them was prepared for.

—

Rupali stared miserably after Paritosh. She closed the door after he was out of her sight. She was crying. It won’t do to leave the door open. She went back to her chair and sat on it with her head buried in her hands. She remembered the fateful day. It was sometime in the beginning of the last semester at the institute. She was having an enthusiastic discussion with a group of her friends, which sounded so silly to her now.

“Most of us are very easy to manipulate,” she was arguing, “You just need good enough actors.”

“I think most of us can see through what is fake. Only if we have decided to look the other way do we get manipulated. Especially in the matters of heart,” Padma had objected.

“What is a matter of heart?”

“What could be a matter for heart? Relationships, romance…”

“Oh! Those are some of the most manipulated things in the world.”

“You sound very confident?”

“I’m very confident.”

“You can manipulate people into loving you.”

“You didn’t talk about love. You talked about relationships, romance, dates…”

“I didn’t talk about dates. But let’s say date. You think you can get anyone to agree to a date.”

“Define a date.”

“Umm… A coffee invitation from somebody who is not a buddy, let’s say.”

“Coffee?”

“No. That is easy to manipulate. A meal.”

“Outside the campus,” someone else had decided to add an extra condition.

“Dinner, not lunch,” came another addition.

“In a five-star hotel,” chimed in someone else.

“Come on,” Rupali had objected to this one, “Not a lot of people can afford that one. Manipulation has to be within reason.”

“All right. At least to a nice, fancy restaurant.”

“Assuming we are talking about people in the campus, and not rickshaw wallah, or daily-wage workers or grade four staff, that is reasonable,” Rupali had agreed.

“Okay then. Shall we bet?”

“Who do I have to get a date with?”

The names of some of the boys in the institute had popped up at first. From complete dudes to complete nerds. Detailed discussion had followed on what kind would be more difficult to manipulate. And then Padma had come up with the golden answer. By then Rupali was already regretting her bravado. She could have backed out. But when we are young, we tend to see an issue of prestige in trivial things.

“Not a student. A professor.”

“What? No!” Rupali had tried to protest.

“Why not? We are not talking about a rickshaw wallah, or daily-wage workers or grade four staff.”

“Some of them might even be able to afford a five-star hotel.”

Rupali had decided that she’d put up the facade of confidence for the time being and hoped that people would forget about it later on.

“Okay. Who?”

“Dr. Khanna. Paritosh Khanna,” Padma had suggested. The reason was not difficult to guess. If trying to get a date with a professor wouldn’t already be awkward enough, Dr. Khanna was known to be one of the most aloof professors. Not many people had seen him smile. He had never been seen scolding anybody, and doing anything frustrated professors usually did, but everyone was still scared of him.

What they didn’t know, however, that he was relatively relaxed with Rupali. She had smiled inwardly on hearing the name. He was writing recommendations for her Ph. D. application. If she got an admit, she could definitely demand a treat from him for ‘doing well’. If nothing else, after she made the final presentation for her project, she could declare it as an occasion for celebration. A dinner outside the campus in a nice restaurant; that was all their definition of date was, right?

Little did she know that she’d forget all about the bet, she’d have a dinner four months down the line that would become a real date, and then this bet would come back to destroy her, turning it into a lifetime of misery.

She opened her drawer to take out the pen and clutched it close to her heart. Just then her mobile rang.

—

Paritosh was annoyed with the banging on the door. What could be so urgent that someone wouldn’t respect a closed office door, which was a rarity in the institute? And even if something was that urgent, couldn’t one try knocking before banging like that. He was frozen to his spot when on opening the door he found Rupali there. In a completely dishevelled state.

“I need a leave. For at least a week.” She was practically begging.

“What is wrong?” He asked, partly concerned about her state, and partly distracted from noticing the familiar pen in her clutches. She still had the pen? And why was she running around carrying it with her? In such disturbed state?

“My mother. She has grown unwell suddenly. I need to go home and get her to the hospital here. My Kaku, I mean my uncle, is not in town to help her. I must leave right away.” Given her state, he was surprised that she was so intelligible.

“Okay. Go then. I will take care of the formalities.”

She nodded and almost ran away. It was after she was out of sight that he wondered how she would go. He knew that her hometown was at two-hour’s drive from the institute. But she didn’t have a car yet. It was too late to take a bus. He ran after her and managed to catch her right outside the department’s building.

“How will you go?”

“I… Bus… No. I will call a taxi.” The pen was still clutched in one of her hands. With the other hand she fished out her phone from her jeans pocket and tried to make a call. But her hands were shaking badly. His heart sank on seeing her in that condition. He pressed her shaking hand stopping her from further futile attempts at using the phone. “Let me take you,” he said.

“But…”

“Just listen to me, okay? You are in no position to go by yourself. Taxi or otherwise. Wait for a minute. My car is in the parking lot.”

—

To be continued

Hopeless Hope (Part 4)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Original, Rupali-Paritosh

The final year project spanned two semesters for undergraduate students. Rupali was doing hers with Paritosh and she had worked hard in the first semester. When she had requested him for recommendations for her Ph. D. admission applications, he had written glowing recommendations and unknown to her had even spoken to a few of his acquaintances at some of the universities she was applying to. He hadn’t regretted the decision. She was working even harder in the second semester meeting him almost every day with her progress report or with her questions.

They talked about things beyond her project. Nothing particularly personal, but it was still more than he usually talked to any student, or even any colleague. Their conversations would be about other academic stuff, her other courses, his research interests, institute’s policies, her asking for advice about how to plan a career in academics and research and so on. He sometimes wondered why he talked so much to her. Probably because she was mature for her age and he could speak to her like an equal. At the same time he didn’t feel threatened because she was much younger. She wouldn’t judge him, his choices or his life. It was a comfortable camaraderie he enjoyed in his otherwise lonely life.

It would have stayed at that if that call from hospital hadn’t come at a time when she was in his office discussing where she was stuck with her project. The call had disturbed him, as those calls always did! “I think… I need to go out right now… Let’s continue this discussion later, Rupali,” he had told her.

“That is fine. But where are you going? Is there a problem?”

“Nothing to worry about. I have to go to the hospital,” he had replied and then seeing that she was worried even more on hearing the word ‘hospital’, he had told her the name as a way of explanation, “JJD.”

That was a mental hospital. So, there wasn’t an accident or anything. But why a mental hospital? She hadn’t asked him then, but he had to tell her later.

“It’s my wife,” he had informed her. She was in the hospital for last seven years or so. “She got those attacks since her childhood. Doctors here identified them as severe anxiety attacks. But she never got any treatment at her parents’ home. They were more interested in hushing down any stories about the attacks she had and wanted to get her married early so that the prospects of her other siblings did not get marred.”

“What does that even mean?”

He had smiled patronizingly at her, “It probably sounds Greek to you, but for a large part of our population, getting all their kids married is the only and the ultimate goal they have in life.”

“And how can you find that amusing? Don’t you feel angry? Isn’t it unfair that you are saddled with this responsibility?”

He had sighed and leaned back on his chair, “You ask me difficult questions, Rupali. There are things that we just come to terms with.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t you hold her family responsible? Why wouldn’t you send her back to them and ask for a divorce?”

Paritosh had looked thoughtful for a while and then he had spoken. He had spoken quite a lot, quite uncharacteristically. “You asked me if I don’t feel angry. I had felt angry. Extremely angry. And you know what she told me? Or rather begged me to do. She told me that instead of sending her back to her family, I should leave her in Banaras or some place. That is what her family would do as well. But if she were sent back, everyone in the village would know, and it would be a trouble for her younger siblings and cousins, especially her sisters. She gave me another option too. She told me that she would happily write a suicide note, if I could arrange to kill her. She was too scared to commit suicide herself. Otherwise she would have done it long back.”

Rupali had looked like all the blood was drained out of her face.

“I’m sorry,” he had realized that he had said things that were too crass and had added gently. “I got carried away. I am scaring you.”

“No. Obviously you didn’t do either,” she had smiled weakly, “There is nothing to be scared about.”

“How could I? And then…” he had stopped himself. He was getting carried away again. He hadn’t realized that he was so eager to talk to someone about all of this. But how appropriate would it to tell all this to a student, especially when he had kept silent before everyone else all these years.

“Then?”

He had smiled, “Nothing. Let’s…”

“You can’t tell me half the story, Dr. Khanna. That’s not fair.”

“Real life stories are not fairy tales. They don’t have a happy ending. Or even a closure.”

“I know that by now. But I still need to know the rest.”

He had shaken his head at her persistence. Then he had decided that she had heard the worst already, and continued, “I had some questions to answer myself too. Why had I married her? Because my mother wanted a daughter-in-law who would serve her and take care of her in her last days. She wouldn’t leave our hometown and live with me here. So, Amrit, that is my wife, had stayed back with her. She never complained. She took care of her like a professional nurse here won’t have been able to do. All this while fighting through her own illness. Did I owe her nothing? I visited once a month and for a long time I didn’t even know about her problems. I had stayed longer during summer vacation once. It was then that she got one of her attacks and I came to know about it. When that happened, she had cried at my feet asking me to choose one of those two options, but not send her back. In that scheme of things was she a perpetrator or a victim? Sending her back would have been a lifelong punishment for her and not her family, who were the real culprits. My own family had done no better by her. I questioned my mother about not informing me and not getting her treated. Apparently they had been to a doctor in the town. He said everything was fine with her and she was just missing her parents’ home.  Once she settled down in her new home, everything would be fine. You didn’t have to be a doctor to know that the diagnosis was flawed. She was seriously troubled. I tried to convince my mother that both of them should come and live with me. But my mother wouldn’t agree. ‘If you are missing your wife so much, take her. I am not leaving my home,’ she would taunt me. And the idea of serving her in-laws at all costs was so ingrained in Amrit that she wouldn’t think of doing anything against my mother’s wishes.”

He had fallen silent, but Rupali urged him on, “Then?”

“I drove myself crazy thinking about it. Finally I decided to raise my voice against my mother. It didn’t come easy to me. I was not brought up that way. Parents’ wishes had been the final word for me all my life. They had wanted me to come back from US. I did. They had wanted me to marry Amrit. I did. But now I was responsible for Amrit’s wellbeing too. So, I decided to go home to get her here. But I didn’t have to rebel. Just as I was leaving for home, I got a call from Amrit telling me that my mother was breathing her last. She died minutes after I reached there. I brought Amrit here with me, but her problems only increased with time. The doctors told me that it was too late for her to get better. And after…” His voice had drowned again.

“Dr. Khanna?”

“This is crazy. Wrong. Why I am telling you all this?” he had suddenly grown extremely self-conscious.

“Because it doesn’t look like you have shared it with many people. Probably with no one. And we need to share our problems.”

“She wanted a baby,” he needed only a small encouragement to continue, “She was convinced that it would be a cure to her problems. Despite doctors advising against it. But pregnancy only made her condition worse. During one of the attacks she harmed herself and… the baby could not be saved. She had a complete breakdown after that and had to be institutionalized. There was no way she could lead a normal life here. And that is how she has been till now… She had a severe attack yesterday when I got the call. So, I went to see her. Sometimes she recognizes me and it helps her. But most of the times even that doesn’t happen.”

They had stayed silent for a while. Rupali needed time to process everything she had heard. “I’m sorry,” she had finally broken the silence with these words, “For you. But your wife is really lucky.”

Paritosh had shrugged not knowing how to feel about that complement. Then he had tried to change the subject, “Our discussion was interrupted yesterday. Shall we…”

“Not now,” she had stopped him urgently. Paritosh had looked at her for a moment and had realized that she was too affected. He had come to terms with all of it over the years, but he had told her too much in just a few minutes.

“Fine,” he had relented. She didn’t usually shy away from work. So, she must not be in a position to discuss. That’s why she had stopped him. “But don’t be so disturbed. Things happen. Life is not fair. But we don’t stop living.”

She had nodded.

“You want some coffee, or tea?” he had asked seeing that she was still quite shaken up.

The coffee invitation would have been the first step towards winning her bet with her friends, but she had long forgotten about it. Right then, she could really do with some coffee. So, she had nodded and they had walked to the department’s canteen to grab a cup.

They had sipped their coffee in awkward silence. Paritosh had looked around after a while and had spoken after ensuring that the place almost empty, “Rupali. You really shouldn’t have heard all of this. I know it sounds selfish that I should be preaching you after unburdening myself at your expense. But try to forget. It is sad and dark and I would hate it if it affected you.”

“I am fine. Don’t worry about me.”

He had nodded and had spoken again after a pause, “Not many people know about it here. Many think that I am not married or am widowed. Not that I want to deceive anyone. But I don’t want rumours and pity all around me either.”

“I won’t open my mouth, I promise. You can trust me,” she had said earnestly.

—

To be continued

Hopeless Hope (Part 3)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Original, Rupali-Paritosh

And the introduction surprised her. He wasn’t reading out from a paper, but speaking from memory. What he was saying wasn’t even her usual brief biodata, which she had given to Meher earlier for this purpose. He enumerated her academic achievements from the time she was an undergraduate student at the institute and went on to describe every important milestone of her career during her Ph. D. and post-doctoral work, all the awards, all the illustrious journal publications, all the important conference presentations…. When did he learn so much about her? And why? Before this meeting? For this introduction?

“I don’t think I need to add any assurance from my side that Dr. Rupali Banerjee is a valuable addition to our department. I’m sure her achievements in research and teaching here will continue to make us proud,” he said as a way of conclusion. He didn’t have to ask for applause, as he got a big one naturally. Despite the competitiveness and insecurity many felt in the academic world, Rupali’s achievements were too good for people to hold back.

After the applause died down, Paritosh looked at Rupali indicating to her to say something. “That was…” she felt her cheeks going red and hot again, “That introduction made everything sound so glorious that I am taken aback myself.” Humility! There was no dearth of good qualities in her, Paritosh thought. Was it only empathy that she lacked? “I just want to say that it is an honour to come back to the institute in this role and to be able to call myself a colleague of many people who have taught me. I hope I am able to live up to their expectations.”

Another round of applause followed and then they broke the meeting. Snacks and tea were served in the room and people chatted on informally. Rupali had conversations with all the faculty members and staff. Paritosh noticed satisfactorily that she was becoming more comfortable by every minute.

“So, why did you decide to come back to India?” someone asked Rupali and Paritosh listened with curiosity. But she didn’t give any concrete answer. “It was just supposed to be this way,” she replied with a shrug and a philosophical smile. Was she unhappy about returning?

And why did so many questions about her keep coming to his mind?

—

Rupali looked at the project proposal two students had brought to her. It was a part of her course. Given the topic they had chosen, Paritosh’ input could be extremely valuable for the project. She was about to suggest that to the students when she stopped .What if he refused? Because the request came through her? She decided not to give this idea to the students until she could be sure of his cooperation. She just offered her comments and asked them to meet her the next week after they had made some progress.

After the students left she struggled to write an e-mail to Paritosh for a while. Then she gave up. How difficult could it be? At worst he would refuse. What harm could come from that? She decided to just talk to him face-to-face.

She knocked at the open door to draw his attention. “Rupali. Come in,” he wasn’t startled; he didn’t look confused or uncomfortable as he had in some of their earlier encounters. That gave her courage. “What’s up?” He was polite. Her courage redoubled.

“I was wondering…” her fingers had curled into a fist in nervousness, despite the doubled courage. Paritosh noticed that.

“Why don’t you sit down?”

“No… I’m fine… I mean…” Why was she bumbling like an idiot? He had only asked her to sit down. It made sense for her to sit down if she was going to discuss a project with him. “I should sit down,” she finished even more foolishly and sat down.

He frowned and in that moment the answer struck him. He knew what had changed about her. She didn’t have that bindaas attitude he had associated with her always. There was a nervousness, an air of misery about her. Why? ‘Wonderful!’ he thought with some annoyance, ‘I hardly get the answer to one question I have about her and the other one pops up.’ Outwardly he kept his calm and asked, “Everything all right?”

“Yes. Of course. Do you have some time? I wanted to discuss some student projects with you.”

“Okay?” he was confused. Was that what she was so nervous about?

He wasn’t asking her to leave. She took a deep breath and handed him the printout of the proposal. “I was hoping you could provide them and me some inputs on it. Specifically in designing the simulations.”

“Sure,” he said while looking over the proposal.

It was that easy. She let out the breath she had been holding. At worst he would have refused. What harm could come from that? But she realized now that his refusal would have made her extremely miserable. “Thank you, Dr. Khanna.”

“You can fix up a meeting with the students once they are ready to start the work.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir,” she got up.

“Rupali,” he stopped her as she was leaving. He could not suppress his curiosity, “Is that what you were so nervous about?”

Her face turned ashen. Her gulp was visible. “It isn’t the first time I have been an absolute idiot,” she replied and left.

What the hell did she mean? This change in her, it didn’t have anything to do with him, did it? It couldn’t. She didn’t care about him. It was all about a bet!

—

“These days it is just easier to use cloud services for running these simulations. Even the best machine locally will have maximum of 16 GB RAM. It will be much faster and not particularly costly to just run an AWS instance for a few hours. It is preapproved in the department and we also have special rates from Amazon. Speak to Meher about it,” Paritosh explained to Rupali and her students about the project.

“And any suggestions on simulation design itself.”

“Their reading list seems to have most of the papers. I had given this talk at IIMT a couple of years ago. In that I had explained some of these in simple terms; and had also suggested some sources of relevant data. Let me see if I can find the transcript. If not…”

“I have the video,” Rupali said.

“Video? How come?”

“They had recorded it and posted it on their website after your talk. I downloaded a copy for my reference.”

“That’s great…” It was weird. How did she even know about the talk, much less follow it and download a video.

He didn’t know that she had a Google alerts set up for his name! It wasn’t just he who had followed her life obsessively since their parting six years ago.

—

“Seriously? Three competing quotations? For an online service costing ten dollars… five hundred rupees a month?” Rupali was asking incredulously.

Meher gave her an embarrassed smile and shrug. “The registrar told me that those are the rules,” that was the only answer she had.

Paritosh stopped in his tracks. Rupali’s office door was open as was expected of all the faculty members, unless they really needed the privacy. “What’s going on?” he couldn’t help asking.

Rupali got up looking flustered, while Meher was relieved, “Dr. Khanna. Good that you are here. I was about to suggest to Dr. Banerjee that you might be able to help.”

“That’s not needed Meher,” Rupali objected, “It’s a small amount. I will just pay for it myself.”

“What is the problem?” Paritosh patiently asked again.

Meher looked in confusion from Rupali to Paritosh and back. Should she talk or should she not?

“It’s okay, Meher,” Rupali saw her confusion and decided to relieve her, “I will discuss this with Dr. Khanna.”

“Cool,” she replied and went out.

Paritosh stayed and waited for Rupali to speak.

“There is this online service. I have used it earlier. It is like a social network for students and teachers. Makes the group work, class announcements and other such things really easy. I wanted to use it in my class. It’s just ten dollars a month. But it seems that for buying anything from the department’s budget, I need to get three competing quotes. It makes no sense whatsoever. It’s not a computer. Where am I even to find three people providing exactly this service? I thought I will just pay for it myself.”

Paritosh could not help smiling. He remembered his own initial days in India after returning from US. Getting his head around the bureaucracy of academic institutes hadn’t been easy. He identified with her frustration.

“There is a little privilege we poor professors get,” he told her, “It is hidden somewhere in the faculty manual and administrators will never remind you of it. But for every full credit course you teach in a semester, you can spend something like two thousand rupees a month on class activities. You should be able to expense it off under that head. The form is on the department’s intranet site.”

“Oh! That’s great. Thanks a lot.”

“Things make you regret coming back, don’t they?” he spoke more to himself than her, it appeared to Rupali.

“Do they?” she asked a question in reply, “But you have always put people in your life ahead of your professional ambitions, haven’t you?”

“Why did you come back?” he asked and then chided himself for continuing the conversation with her. He wasn’t supposed to do that. Not again!

“For the same reason that you had. For my mother… Dr. Khanna,” her eyes suddenly grew wide, as she screamed his name and almost jumped towards him. She held the door with one hand. Her other hand grabbed his to take it away from the door’s groove. All of it happened before he could blink and it took him some time to understand what was going on. The stopper had come out somehow and the door was getting shut due to the force of the air coming through the open window. He was still standing at the door, and his fingers were resting on the groove. If the door had shut, he would have been hurt. Badly!

Paritosh looked at Rupali who was examining his hands. She was panting. Not from the physical exercise definitely. That hadn’t been so hard. She was obviously distressed. “Are you hurt?” she asked.

That concern and care! He would fall for it again. “I am fine,” he mumbled and withdrew his hands. Then he abruptly turned and left.

He locked his office-door from inside. He wasn’t in the mental state to see anybody at that moment. He slumped on his chair and buried his head in his hands. What had fate planned for him? He wasn’t looking for anything happy in his life. He had taken his past disappointments, mistakes and hopelessness as granted. But why did they have to knock at his door again and again. Hadn’t the past been sufficient?

—

To be continued

Hopeless Hope (Part 2)

Posted MishLeave a commentPosted in English, Original, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali smiled as she finished preparing for the first lecture she would deliver in her new role as the assistant professor in the institute. She had included the examples of algorithmic problems Paritosh had introduced them to in his first lecture of Algorithms all those years ago. The problems which looked simple enough, and yet if you tried to do them in a brute-force manner, the computers will take hundreds of years to do them. Those examples had piqued her curiosity immediately. And her fascination for Algorithms and Computer Science had seen no waning since then. While till then she had been unsure about her decision of joining engineering itself, after that she had done all possible courses in that area, worked outside the course work to enhance her understanding and knowledge and had gone to US to do her Ph. D. and post-doctorate after finishing B. Tech. She hoped that one of her lectures could someday make that kind of difference in a student’s life that Paritosh’ lecture had made to her all those years back.

—

Paritosh would have a tough time explaining to himself, and to anyone else passing by, what he was doing at the door of the classroom where a group of undergraduates were taking their first lessons in Algorithms. Thankfully the classroom was at the end of one of the numerous corridors in the building and unless somebody had to come to this classroom they were unlikely to pass by. And everyone who had to come to the class was already inside. A bunch of eighteen-year old boys, who made up most of the class, were unlikely to be late to the class of a beautiful young female professor. Word about the new professor must have gone around in the hostels. And the professor was also already inside the class, starting her lecture dot on time.

Unknown to Paritosh, she had felt nervous for a few moments when the clock had struck nine. As a graduate student and later as a post doctoral fellow at her university in the US, she had often taken tutorials and had occasionally lectured too. Public speaking had never been a challenge to her. The stage held no terrors. Still she was unnerved for a while. She felt an enormous responsibility on her shoulders – the responsibility of introducing a discipline of study to these fifty odd youngsters. If they developed interest, it would be her achievement. If they didn’t, it would be her failure. She realized that she had never admired her own professors as much in the past as she did at that moment. They had carried on their responsibilities with so much ease. She took in a deep breath and recalled the lecture that had taken place in the same classroom about nine years ago, when she had been on the other side. She tried to draw strength from the memory and greeted her students a cheery good morning.

A smile automatically formed on Paritosh’ lips as he heard her giving a sample problem to the students – the travelling salesman problem in computer science parlance, which she was explaining with milkman as an example. If he had to cover certain houses in different localities everyday with minimal travelling required and had to come back to his cowshed at the end of it, what would be the optimal route for him? “Something your milkman has probably figured out from experience,” she said. She had imitated the exact words he used when he taught that course. “Computers, however, are dumb creatures.” His smile turned to a grin as he heard her engage the class in calculations that showed how this simple-sounding problem will take a computer ridiculous amount of time to solve if the number of places to cover even became as big as twenty. “As humans, we can help the computers do much better with this and other problems. This course will, hopefully, equip you with some basic tools to do that.” Paritosh became aware of his stupid grin and turned solemn again. He also became conscious of how odd his standing near the door of the classroom was. He turned to leave when Rupali noticed something at the door. The feeling she got was eerily similar to what she had felt in the Computer Science lab six years ago. Somebody had been at the door overhearing, as Padma had congratulated her for winning the bet.

“What bet?” she had been surprised.

“Don’t be so modest. The bet of going on a date with Dr. Khanna, what else?”

“What the… No…” And she had felt someone passing by the door of the lab.

She had excused herself and rushed out. He had turned at the end of the corridor, but it surely was him. She had followed him to his office, not quite knowing what she’d do. But she had to do something. Apologize? Tell him that…

But his steely voice had left her speechless, “You had forgotten your notebook.” He had handed it to her. He must have come to the lab to return it.

“Sir, I…”

“Leave. Ms. Banerjee.”

She had trembled in fear and any attempts at trying to explain had been pre-empted by another “Leave. Now.” order from him.

“Excuse me,” she presently announced to the class absent-mindedly, “I will be back in a minute.” She got down from the podium and rushed to the door leaving her students whispering to each other about this inexplicable action of hers. She caught just a glimpse of him as he took the next turn and disappeared. Was he there? Was he overhearing her lecture? Why?

She couldn’t follow him this time. She had a class to teach. And what would she tell him even if she did follow him? She came back to the class and forced herself to concentrate on the task at hand.

—

Paritosh was determined now. He could not continue holding an old prank against her. It was his own vulnerability that had made it sting so much. She wasn’t responsible for it. As the HOD, he had professional responsibilities. He was supposed to mentor younger faculty members. He had to do that for her too. But he was thrown off balance once more as he walked into the conference room for the monthly departmental meeting. Rupali was already there and nobody else had come yet. “Hi,” he said awkwardly. But then took a deep breath and decided to make good of his resolve, “How are things?” He was satisfied by how he sounded this time.

“Fine Sir.”

“Among colleagues we are on a first-name basis here,” he replied with a smile.

She wasn’t sure how she should take that. Was he trying to imply something? A break off from the past? Was he being sarcastic? Or was she just reading too much into the situation.

She looked at him and felt that his smile was genuine. She relaxed. “Old habits die hard, Sir.” It was funny. It came so naturally in the US to address her teachers by their names. But back in India, it was difficult. And changing habits was even more difficult. When she had called him ‘Sir’ or ‘Dr. Khanna’ as a student, how could she suddenly start calling him by his first name? She had cringed in the class, when the students had addressed her as Ma’am. Probably she should insist early on that the students address her by her first name. Once habituated, it would be difficult to get them to behave otherwise.

“How did the first lecture go?” he asked.

Her heart skipped a beat. He had been there. Was he looking for something specific in her answer? “I imitated you,” she replied, “I think that saved my day.”

He laughed. It wasn’t without reason that he had been so enamoured with her wit all those years back? That hadn’t changed in her. Something else had though. What was it? He couldn’t put his fingers on it.

His laughter gave Rupali some hope. He wasn’t as bitter as he had been back then. May be, just may be, sometime soon, he’d let her apologize. She didn’t dare hope for anything more. Although if…

Meher walked in next apologizing profusely for the delay and soon the rest of the faculty members and staff were in the room too.  It was the monthly administrative meeting and initial agenda items were operational ones around general and library budget, new machine requirements in the lab, resolving conflicts in the time table for the semester, discussion on the number of new students coming in and ensuring facilities for them etc. Since it was the first meeting of the semester, the number of agenda items was particularly large. But as the newest and youngest member, Rupali didn’t have much to contribute on them. In fact, most people didn’t have anything to say. Things were decided beforehand and it was only formal ratification that happened in these meetings. After these were out of the way, it was the time to formally introduce the new joinees to the staff. Paritosh delegated the task of introducing new administrative staff to Meher. Rupali was the only faculty who had joined in that semester. After Meher was done, he introduced Rupali himself.

—

To be continued

Hopeless Hope (Part 1)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Original, Rupali-Paritosh

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna,” Rupali managed to greet Paritosh even as her cheeks turned red and hot. Thankfully Meher, the chief administrator, had decided not to stay on after realizing that Rupali and Paritosh knew each other already. Otherwise the awkwardness and the strange tension that filled Paritosh’ office at that moment would not have escaped her.

“Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh’ face might not have looked as flushed as Rupali’s. But his mind was as flustered as hers. He decided to come back to the institute after six years and one new person who joined the department that semester and came on the same day as his joining back had to be Rupali Banerjee!

‘Leave. Ms. Banerjee,’ some memories from past echoed in her mind. It was the same room. It was the same two people. “Rupali. Please Sir,” she could not help requesting and she sounded so miserable that Paritosh regretted being so cold to her. Despite what had happened…

“Right,” he mumbled, “Welcome to the institute. Welcome back, rather. It feels great to see the students coming back as faculty.” He managed to speak out his welcoming remark, but his delivery had obviously been lacking. If he could not avoid this situation altogether, he would have liked to be prepared better for it. But as it happened, he had joined that morning itself and had been given the details of the new recruit barely fifteen minutes back. He hadn’t had the time to overcome his shock.

And Rupali had gotten even less time than he had. She had felt a chill run down her spine, when Meher had taken that turn in the department building to take her to meet the HOD. “Dr. Rao sits in room no. 204?” she had asked trying to sound as calm as possible.

“Dr. Rao? No. We are going to meet Dr. Khanna. Dr. Rao has left. Dr. Khanna has joined this morning as the new HOD. He was with the institute even earlier. I wasn’t here then. When he came back, he requested for, and was given, his old office.”

“Dr. Paritosh Khanna?” Rupali had been alarmed.

“Yes. You know him?”

“I did several courses under him, when I was a student here,” she hoped her voice was not sinking, “He was my guide for the final year project too.”

“Ohh!! What a coincidence that you should come back to join on the same day. And this makes my job easier. Here is his office,” the door was open as expected, “Good morning Dr. Khanna. I believe you already know Dr. Rupali Banerjee. So, I’ll leave the two of your to do your formalities. Dr. Banerjee, I will be in the admin office. Once you are done you can come back for the rest of the paperwork.”

“Yeah,” Rupali had mumbled and had entered the room with her hot, red, flushed cheeks.

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna,” she had greeted him.

Presently she replied to his inadequately warm welcome, “Thanks. Pleasure is mine. I didn’t know you had come back. Dr. Rao had signed my offer letter…”

“It was a spur of the moment decision. Dr. Rao decided to leave. The director reached out to me and I just decided to… I had no idea about your decision either.”

Had they known about each other’s decision, would they have changed their own?

“You couldn’t have.”

“Why don’t you sit down?” Paritosh was finally gaining some of his composure back. Rupali realized only then that both of them were standing till then.

She didn’t stop to think if it was appropriate before she spoke, “I think I should get back to Meher. Apparently there is at least a day’s worth of paperwork.”

Normally, as HOD Paritosh would spend more time in the introductory meeting with a new faculty member. Rupali’s reluctance towards further conversation was unprofessional, but he wasn’t complaining. He wanted to step away and have sometime to himself to absorb the situation as much as she did.

“Okay. If you have any issues in settling down, feel free to reach out.”

“Sure Sir.” Nobody could have said ‘sure’ with such want of surety.

—

Rupali thought for a moment every time she signed a paper that day. Should she withdraw? There was still time. Some other institutes would still honour their job offers to her. She had chosen this offer because it was one of the best institutes in India, it was her dear alma mater, she could stay close to her mother, probably convince her to live with her and she had been sure that Dr. Khanna was not here. Everything else was still valid. But…

But by the end of the tiring and boring day of filling up and signing papers, she had decided that she wouldn’t go away. This was fate’s way of giving her a chance. A chance to make amends. She wasn’t sure she would be able to make any good of the chance. But she wouldn’t refuse it. Not unless she got any hints that he wanted her to…

Paritosh himself had a lot of paperwork to do. However, for him it was familiar work. Hence Meher had just left the papers with him. It took him a lot of effort to go through the motion of filling and signing the forms. He wondered every few minutes if he should just leave it there and go back to Delhi. They wouldn’t refuse to take him back. That much was always ensured with his professional reputation in his field.

But why should he do that? What will it achieve? It wasn’t like he was angry with her. Even if there was any bitterness in the beginning, over the years it had withered away. All that was left was a dull, but constant ache. And his mind had told him again and again that it wasn’t her fault. She was a young student. Playing a prank was natural for her. It was idiotic on his part to fall for it. And it was outright wrong for him to have those feelings. If someone was responsible for his humiliation, it was he himself. No. He wasn’t angry at her. He was angry at himself. When the anger wasn’t directed at her, her presence should not make things any worse for him, should it? Then, how would it matter if he stayed or went back? He might as well stay. He would stay. He would not go back. Not unless his presence continued to be uncomfortable for her… Like it was that morning.

—

“Dr. Khanna,” Meher came to his office the next morning, “You need to sign these papers as Dr. Banerjee’s boss before I can file them.” She handed him the paper.

He signed them and handed her his own papers, “Will you take care of getting mine signed by the director?”

“Sure Sir.”

“And Meher?”

“Yes Sir?”

“Rupali… I mean Dr. Banerjee is all settled?”

“I think so, Sir. She has been a student here. I’m sure everything is familiar and known to her. Your meeting with her was fairly short. I guess you already know everything about her.” Meher’s smile was bright. But it failed to bring any cheer to Paritosh.

“Yes. Indeed,” he replied tentatively wondering if that was the right response.

Meher didn’t show any untoward reaction to his reply.  So, it must have been fine, he decided. Why was he so overworked about it?

“Oh! And Dr. Khanna. I forgot to give you this. Here is a copy of department’s time table for the semester. It starts from Monday, of course.”

“Thanks Meher.”

Paritosh looked at the timetable after Meher left. Rupali would be teaching Algorithms to second year undergraduates. He had taught her that course. He remembered very well. It was one of the first departmental courses the students of Computer Science took. And it was in that course that he had noticed Rupali for the first time. One of those rare students, who always attended all the classes, although he hadn’t made attendance compulsory in his course. And ever curious. She asked intelligent questions. Nothing pleases a teacher more than a worthy and intelligent student. She had pleased him in that course. And in the other advanced courses she had done under him. And while organizing the technical festival of the institute where he was one of the advisors. And in her final year project. And then… Paritosh jerked himself out of that chain of thoughts. He didn’t want to think about her. And about that…

—

To be continued

Helpless Makeup

Posted Mish4 CommentsPosted in Fan Fiction, Hinglish, Maneet (GHSP)

Note on the OS

This is supposed to happen when Geet has left’s Khurana Mansion, angry at Maan’s insult, and has reached Amritsar. Maan comes behind her to get her back.

—

He was experiencing a deja vu. It was at the same place where he had found her the last time in Amritsar. She had worn white even on that day. She had looked devastated then too. But he wasn’t bothered then. Or he wasn’t letting himself be bothered. He only cared about getting his land papers signed. What had happened to her was none of his concern.

But today… Today he wanted to be bothered. He wanted her to come to him, shout at him, blame him for her miseries, for her devastation, punish him – do anything to him. Anything, but staying away. She was standing there, lost and sad. What was she thinking about; or rather whom was she thinking about? He knew the answer. It was him. Nobody else mattered to her. She had done the unimaginable, only to be happy with him, for him. And he had lost her.

No. That could not happen. He might not deserve her after how he had behaved. But he was sure that where she was concerned, fate was kind to him. Irrespective of what happened, she was destined to be with him. He should not and would not take her for granted. But the fate will not punish him so badly for this mistake of his.

“Geet!” He went beside her called her name.

She turned and showed no surprise. But she looked at him blankly. As if he wasn’t there. She took a step back.

“Geet! Mujhe pata hai ki main tumhein nahin rok paunga. Main kuchh bhi…”

“Aap sach-much yahan hain?” She asked while taking another step back.

He was surprised. What did that mean? She had been hallucinating about him? And that’s why she wasn’t expecting him to be really there, even when she saw him? Why did his heart skip a beat? Didn’t he already know just how much she loved him? He might have hurt her so bad that she decided to leave him. But she couldn’t think of anything, anyone except him.

“Jab tum yahan ho Geet, to main kahin aur kaise ho sakta hoon?”

He could see in her eyes what her heart really wanted. She wanted to be in his arms. But her self-respect was hurt. She was strong. She would stand for her self-respect and would not let her heart give in.

She would have turned away, but he wasn’t going to let go of the chance he had got. He might have been an absolute idiot in how he treated her. But he was Maan Singh Khurana. He knew when to act. And he acted.

“Nahin Geet. Munh mat modna. Main jaanta hoon Geet ki main tumse kuchh bhi aisa nahin karwa sakta jo tum nahin chahti ho. Kyonki tum mujhse bahut zyada majboot ho Geet. Maine jo kiya, uske liye to main maafi maangne ke layak bhi nahin hoon. Main to swarthi hoon. Main chahta hoon ki abhi tumhein apni baahon mein utha kar apne saath le chaloon. Lekin tum nahin chahogi to main kuchh kar nahin paunga. Aur aaj mere kahne se tum mere saath wapas bhi nahin aaogi. Geet – mujhmein bahut khaamiyan hain. Tum meri baat nahin maanna chahogi. Lekin Geet – apni kismat ka kya karogi?”

He paused. She was surprised, she did not ask anything, but did not move away either.

He continued, “Tumhari kismat achchhi nahin hai Geet. Usne saari khamiyon se bhara hua ye insaan hi tumhari zindagi se jod diya hai. Usne ye tay kar liya hai ki tum chahe to is insaan se naraaz ho jao, is par gussa karo, ise badi se badi sazaa do, par tum isse door nahin ja sakti. Haan Geet. Ye kismat mere oopar bahut meharbaan hai, aur usne tumhare saath zyadati ki hai. Lekin tum apni kismat se nahin bhaag sakti Geet. Koi nahin bhaag sakta.”

“Chup rahiye aap,” she shouted suddenly startling him. His heart sank because she had started stepping back, moving away from him as she continued, “Bilkul chup. Ek shabd aur nahin bolenge aap. Aapko kya lagta hai? Ki aapki jab marzi hogi tab mujhe ulta seedha suna denge, jab marzi hogi tab zaleel kar denge, hamare rishte par sawaal khade kar denge? Phir aap aa kar apni meethi-meethi baaton se mujhe mana lenge aur main pighal jaungi? Yahi lagta hai na aapko?”

“Geet! Main…”

“Suna nahin aapne maine kya kaha? Ek shabd nahin sunna mujhe aapse,” She had stopped moving, “Har baar mujhe khwaab dikha kar unhein choor-choor kar dete hain, har baar aapka gussa aapke liye mere pyaar se zyada zaroori ho jaata hai. Itna ki aap meri baat tak nahin sunte hain aur ulte-seedhe ilzaam laga dete hain. Aur aapko lagta hai ki main phir bhi aapki baatein sun kar pighal jaungi?”

She paused, but Maan could not speak a word. Then she started moving towards him and it seemed that she did not realize it herself. Maan was so joyed by that subconscious gesture of hers that he could not suppress a slight smile. But that vanished as soon as she started speaking again.

“Ismein muskurane ki kya baat hai? Band kijiye muskurana. Aapko lag raha hai ki main mazaak kar rahi hoon? Aap bas mere kareeb aayenge, apni meethi-meethi baatein karenge aur main sab kuchh bhool jaungi?” She had come close to him by then and grabbed his collar. She shook him as she asked, “Bataiye – yahi lagta hai na aapko? Ab bolte kyon nahin hain? Yahi lagta hai na aapko? Ki aap meri kamzori hain? Ki main aapse naraaz nahin rah sakti, chahe aap mujhe kitni bhi chot pahunchayein? Ki pooja karti hoon main aapki? Ki aapka kiya koi bhi kaam, aapki boli koi bhi baat mere liye galat nahin hoti? Ki aap bhagwaan hain mere? Yahi lagta hai na aapko?” she lost control and started crying out loud while leaning on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. Even though it was tearing him apart seeing her cry like this, he knew that she was hurt and she had to vent out. She made no efforts to break free of his arms for a while.

Suddenly she broke free, but still held on to his collar. She started speaking again, still angrily, “Sahi samajhte hain aap. Aap ek baar pyaar se mera naam bulayenge, aur main sab kuchh bhool kar aapki baahon mein sama jaungi. Hain aap meri kamzori. Hain aap mere bhagwaan. Lekin kya is baat ki sazaa mujhe zindagi bhar milti rahegi? Kya is wajah se aap mujhe hamesha satate rahenge? Jaan le lenge meri?”

Maan found his voice back and silenced her by putting his hand on her lips, “Chup Geet. Bahut bolti ho.” Then he removed his hand and went down on his knees. He bowed his head down and said, “Geet. Main koi bhagwaan nahin hoon. Main to tumhari tarah ek nekdil insaan bhi nahin hoon Geet. Main tumhara gunrhgaar hoon. Jo bhi sazaa dogi woh mujhe manzoor hai. Bas mujhe chhod kar mat jao. Warna main kabhi apni khaamiyan door nahin kar paunga Geet. Main apne andar ke andhere aur gusse mein poori tarah doob jaunga.”

Geet also bent down to face him, “Mere bhagwaan ko is tarah chhota banae ki galti mat kijiye. Lekin haan – agar aapne dubara mujhe aise chot pahunchayi to achchha nahin hoga. Main aur kuchh bhi bardasht kar sakti hoon lekin aap mujh par bharosa na karein ye nahin bardasht kar sakti. Samjhe aap? Dubara aisa kiya to main apni jaan doongi…”

“Nahin Geet. Chup ho jao. Galti se bhi aisi baatein apni zabaan par mat lana.”

They both smiled and got up together. They hugged and closed their eyes just feeling the warmth of their togetherness. Suddenly they felt water drops falling on them. The opened their eyes to see that it had started raining. They broke the hug slightly and looked at each other. Water had come again to seal their bonding. The gave a smile of understanding and hugged again. All was well with their world!

The Loss

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in Fan Fiction, Hinglish, Maneet (GHSP)

Their baby! He had a connection with the baby even when he did not know of its existence. Everytime he had saved Geet, he had saved the baby too. In the twisted ways of the fate, the baby had become the reason why Geet had come to his life. Even if he had not developed any other feelings for the baby, he would have given it his life for this one favour! He had hated Geet when he first came to know of its existence; at least he thought so. But even then, he had felt a sense of responsibility towards the baby. He had not been able to leave Geet when she was pregnant. He had scolded her everytime she ignored her pregnancy and acted childishly. When he had accepted her in his life with her past, he had assumed the responsibility of the baby. He was doing it for Geet’s sake and he did not realize when the sense of responsibility had turned into care and then immense love. He did not realize when he had started looking forward to the baby’s arrival in their lives, not just for Geet’s happiness, but for his own as well. He did not realize how, but all of this had happened. He had started feeling enthusiastic about becoming a father. And finally he was happy with his life, with his small family.

And then the accident happened. He was heart-broken. He had never felt this helpless in his entire life. He wasn’t sure what was tearing him apart more. His own grief or Geet’s heart-breaking pleas to bring her baby back! At that moment, they had cried in each other’s arms.

But later…

He looked up to see Geet standing in the balcony. His Geet! He felt like he not only had lost his baby, but he was also losing Geet. She was completely oblivious to her surroundings. Even to him. His presence did not affect her any longer. He remembered the time when she would sense his presence in the house even from far. The time when she had come running to him after his return from Chandigarh, not caring about her dupatta that had caught fire. The time when simply by going close to her, he would have her weak in her knees. Now she walked past him as if he did not exist.

If there was one thing which could have helped him come out of the grief the baby’s loss had brought, it was Geet’s chatter. If only she would talk to him. He would have happily listened to anything she said; if only she would talk. But he was not able to do anything to make her talk. She had talked to him properly only once. When he had tried to clear up the things from the baby-room he had decorated so enthusiastically. She had accused him of trying to take away baby’s memories from her, which was all she was left with. How hurt had he felt! But what could he do? Whom could he blame? Definitely not Geet, who had become practically lifeless. He could not be mean to her. He had been a witness of her struggles for the baby. He had understood that the baby was more important to her than even himself and he had accepted it. But what was he to do now? For her, for himself? He was in a double whammy. The loss of the baby had hurt him deeply. And seeing Geet like this was tearing him apart. In trying to give strength to Geet, he was not able to even grieve for the baby openly. There was no respite for him.

He shuddered as the thought occured to him once again – he was losing Geet too. He was losing his most precious possession. Life was slipping out his hands like sand.

—

“Khana kha lo Geet. Tumne breakfast bhi nahin kiya tha.”

She just pushed the plate away and got up to leave.

“Ruko Geet. Meri baat to suno.”

She had barely eaten one chapati since yesterday. She was already weak after the accident. This way she would kill herself.

The thought made him shiver again. Where had she gone? She had to eat, even if that meant him force-feeding her. He decided to go and look for her.

She was wandering in the garden. From a distance, he saw Dev approaching her. This had him worried. He did not want to shout from there, lest it disturbed her. He walked faster, but Dev was already talking to her by the time he reached there. He overheard him, “Geet. Main tumhara dukh samajh sakta hoon. Woh mera bhi bachcha tha…”

“Dev,” Geet shouted at him with such force in her voice that not only Dev, but Maan was also scared for a moment, “Agar tumne dubara mere bachche ke saath apna naam liya to main tumhara khoon kar daaloongi. Bhool ke bhi aisi galti mat karna.”

She was trembling in anger. Her eyes looked mad and murderous. She looked like she’d actually make good of her promise of killing Dev. Dev silently retreated as Maan went to her and held her.

Without saying anything, he directed her towards the mansion and she complied silently. There was something in her violent demeanour that troubled Maan. His instincts were warning him. Geet was not fine at all. He managed to feed her one chapati, but she would eat no more. That should give her some energy at least, he told himself. He asked her to take rest and went out on the terrace to clear his mind.

—

Annie saw him going to the terrace and just then she spotted Dadi Ma.

“Dadi. Aapko nahin lagta hai ki Geet ke miscarriage se na sirf dono log dukhi hain, balki unka rishta bhi bikharta ja raha hai? Geet ko to jaise pata hi nahin hai ki Maan bhai uske aas paas hain. Aur Bhai bhi apne man ki baat kar nahin pa rahe hain. Aapko nahin lagta ki hamein Geet se, ya un dono se baat karni chahiye?”

“Annie beta. Aapki baat to sahi hai. Ye bahut hi mushkil daur hai inke liye. Lekin beta, humne it dono ko shuru se dekha hai. Jab ye log ek-doosre ke liye apne ahsaason ko maanne ke liye bhi taiyaar nahin the, tab bhi ek doosre ki kitni fikr karte the, ye hamein pata hai. Bahar se dekhne mein chahe jaisa lage ki ye hamesha jhagad rahe hain, ya ek-doosre se baat nahin kar rahe hain, lekin inke beech mein kissi bhi teesre insaan ke liye jagah nahin hai. Hamare ya aapke liye bhi nahin.”

“Lekin Dadi, abhi kuchh zyada bura waqt nahin hai?”

“Ham jaante hai Annie ki aap kya kah rahi hain. Lekin hamara yakeen maaniye. Ye jab jhagadte hain, to isliye kyonki ek doosre ki awaaz sune bina rah nahin sakte. Ye agar chup rahte hain to bhi ek-doosre ki khamoshi padh lete hain. Inke rishte ke har utaar-chadhao ko inhone khud hi suljhaya hai. Abhi bhi bas ek doosre ki hi baat samjhenge. Kissi aur ke kiye kuchh hoga bhi nahin. Rishte to humne apni zindagi mein bahut dekhe hain beta, lekin inke beech kuchh alag hai, kuchh bahut gahra hai, jise aam taur par log samajh bhi nahin sakte. Kabhi kabhi to hamein bura bhi lagta hai, lekin aapne bhi to dekha hai na ki Maan ko Geet ke saamne kuchh aur nazar nahin aata hai. Hum bhi nahin. Aur Geet bhi Maan ke liye kuchh bhi kar sakti hain. Maan ki kaisi kadwi baatein jheli hain inhone ek samay par. Inka pyaar, nafrat, khushi, gham sab kuchh ek doosre se jude hue hain.”

“Theek hai Dadi. Jaisa aap theek samjhein. ”

—

When Maan came back from the terrace Geet was not in the room. He wasn’t sure why, but he panicked. He checked the bathroom and the balcony. She was not there. He rushed out of the room. He saw Nakul going down the corridor.

“Nakul, tumne Geet ko kahin dekha hai?”

“Bas abhi-abhi kitchen ki or gayi hain.”

“Kitchen?” She hadn’t shown interest in anything, including kitchen and cooking, since the accident happened. Why to the kitchen suddenly? Water was already there in the room.

Maan spotted her as soon as he reached the kitchen door. He was horrified and cried out, “Geet!”

Geet looked up to him. Her eyes, which always spoke to him, were strangely empty. She was holding a meat knife close to her wrist. A single wrong movement and she would have harmed herself.

“Ruk jao Geet. Tumhein chot lag jayegi.”

“Maan! Mere paas mat aayiye. Mujhe mat rokiye aap.”

“Kya kar rahi ho Geet tum?”

“Main apne bachche ke liye jee rahi thi. Ab mujhe nahin jeena hai. Mere paas mat aayiyega Maan. Mujhe rokiyeha mat.”

Her face showed a madness that scared Maan.

But he realized the gravity of the situation and forced himself to think with his mind and not heart.

He suddenly said, “Dadi Ma. Aap yahan?”

Geet got confused because he was looking past her towards the kitchen shelves. How could Dadi Ma be there? She looked back instinctively and Maan used this opportunity to jump towards her, grab the knife and throw it away. He held her tightly lest she took the knife back and harmed herself.

When she realized what had happened, she started struggling in Maan’s grip, “Chhodiye mujhe Maan. Mujhe zinda nahin rahna hai. Mujhse meri zindagi bardasht nahin hoti hai…”

“To pahle mujhe maar daalo Geet. Agar tumhein kuchh hua to kya main zinda rah paunga? Pahle mujhe mar jaane do,” Maan cried.

The mention of Maan dying gave a jolt to Geet. She stopped struggling and looked up at him horrified. Her eyes were no longer empty; they showed immense pain. Pain at the loss she had already suffered. Pain at the potential loss of Maan, that he had just told her about.

Maan felt exhausted and he kneeled on the floor in desperation while holding Geet’s hands, “Geet. Main jaanta hoon ki maine apna waada toda hai. Hamare bachche ko main nahin bacha paya Geet. Mujhe tumhein chhod kar nahin jaana chahiye tha. Mujhse bahut badi galti ho gayi. Aur iske liye tum mujhe kuchh bhi sazaa de sakti ho. Lekin Geet – agar khud ko mujhse door karne ki sazaa dogi to main bardasht nahin kar paunga. Itni badi sazaa mat do Geet. Mera saath mat chhodo. Maine apne bachche ko kho diya hai. Ab agar tum bhi mere saath nahin rahogi to main kaise jee paunga?” His voice was sad and he looked defeated.

Geet did not say anything, but her tear-filled eyes told him that she understood him, finally! He got up, held her by shoulders and took her towards their room. She leaned on him slightly and he tightened his grip around her.

Annie noticed them together in the corridor and smiled.

—

Geet woke up in the middle of the night to find Maan awake. He was watching her.

“Kya hua Geet?” He asked all worried.

“Kuchh nahin. Bas pyaas lagi thi.”

“Oh!” He poured water for her.

After drinking the water, she asked, “Aap soye nahin Maan? Raat ke do baj rahe hain.”

“Haan. Woh Geet – main soya tha. Lekin achanak neend khul gayi.”

She knew he was lying. She thought for a moment and said, “I am sorry Maan. Maine aapko bahut pareshaan kiya. Mujhe pata hai ki aap dar gaye hain ki main phir se… I am really sorry. Main apne dukh mein itna doob gayi ki aapki tadap dekh hi nahin paayi. Main…” she started crying. She had understood Maan and had realized that she was being unfair to him. But her heart was still bleeding for her baby and she could not hold back. Maan did not try to stop her from crying. Just hugged her and few drops of tears escaped his eyes too. They couldn’t have wished away their grief. They could not have stopped themselves from crying. But they could at least do it togeher, in each other’s arms. And then one day they would be strong again!

– The End –

Discovering Love (Part 15)

Posted Mish3 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Nidhi took a look at the house, as she entered it.

“Bahut bada hai,” she said suddenly feeling very nervous, “Aur khoobsoorat bhi.”

“Bada to hai. Pata nahin Baba ne kya soch kar hum do logon ke liye banwaya tha. Lekin khoobsoorat ye us din hoga jab tum yahan aaogi.”

“Dr. Armaan bhi aapke saath hi rahte hain na?”

“Haan. Lekin aaj woh shahar se bahar hai. Hiraman Kaka bhi rahte hain. Ghar ki dekh-bhaal karte hain. Lekin woh khana bana kar so gaye honge.”

Nidhi smiled and shivered a bit realizing that she was practically alone with him in that huge house.

Ashutosh led her to the dining table, where Kaka had kept the food before retiring to his room. They had dinner mostly in silence or amidst some general chit-chat.

“Aapka kamra kaun sa hai?” Nidhi asked curiously after they were done with dinner.

“Chalo. Dikhata hoon,” he led her to his bedroom. Nidhi smiled and blushed thinking of the days to come which she would spend in this room.

Suddenly she saw Ashutosh taking something out from a drawer in the table. He came to her and gave the red colored, velvet box to her, the kind used to keep jewelry.

“Ye kya hai?”

He opened it for her, “Tumhare liye. Hamari engagement to aise achanak ho gayi ki main tumhein kuchh de hi nahin saka.”

Nidhi looked at the necklace and ear-rings set in the box and said, “Bahut achchhe hain, lekin…”

“Ye mat kahna ki inki zaroorat nahin thi. Har cheez zaroorat ke liye nahin li jaati Nidhi.”

Nidhi blushed at how accurately he predicted what she was going to say. “Mujhe aadat nahin hai in sab cheezon ki…” she said in embarrassment.

“To aadat daal lo kyonki main tumhein bahut pamper karne waala hoon,” Ashutosh said while picking up an ear-ring from the box, “May I?” He asked. Nidhi gulped hard, but nodded.

He tucked her hair behind her left ear and took out the ring she was wearing. It took him some time to unhook it and in the process he could see her goose-bumps, coloring cheeks and hear her laboured breath. After putting the new ear-ring on her ear, he repeated the act with her other ear. Nidhi was going weak in her knees and had to clutch the box hard to keep it from falling off her hand. After putting both the ear-rings, he picked up the necklace with one hand and with the other hand moved her hair over one of her shoulders leaving her neck exposed. Nidhi looked like she would faint. He saw her hold on the box weakening, took it from her and kept it on a nearby table. Then he went back to her, asked her to hold her hair as he put the necklace on her and hooked it at her nape. As his hands brushed against her skin, her breathing was audible. He had not planned it, but seeing her so affected drove Ashutosh mad. He held her shoulders, bent down planted a kiss just below where her necklace was hooked. Nidhi twitched and shivered, and clenched her fist in an unsuccessful attempt to hide what effect his proximity was having on her physically. He turned her around and kissed her forehead. Then as if losing control over himself, he kissed her all over her face like a mad man, finally finding peace in her lips. As he thrust his tongue deep into her mouth, he found her also letting go and respond furiously.She put her hands around him and caressed his back, sometimes digging her nails into his skin. He went a step further and undid the zip at the back of her top, getting access to her bare back.

They were suddenly interrupted by his mobile ringing. They separated hastily and looked embarrassed. Ashutosh went out in the balcony with his mobile. Nidhi went to the dresser and tried to smoothen her dress and hair. When Ashutosh came back after attending the call, he saw her struggling with the zip at the back of her top. He walked to her and zipped it up, making her gasp and blush.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Hospital se phone tha. Emergency hai, mujhe jaana padega.”

“Main bhi chalti hoon aapke saath.”

“Nahin. Tum bahut thaki hui ho. Abhi yahin aaraam kar lo. Main wapas aa kar baat karta hoon.”

She nodded again.

It was 2 am by the time Ashutosh came back. Nidhi had fallen asleep on his bed. He looked at her sleeping peacefully and smiled dreamily. He pulled the bedcover over her, adjusted the temperature of the AC and went to sleep in the other room.

—

Nidhi woke up early in the morning as was her habit. She was confused for a moment about her surroudings. Then she remembered the last night’s events and smiled. Then she felt confused again as she did not know how to start her day. Finally she went to the attached bathroom and washed her face. She smoothened her crumpled clothes, walked out of the room and went towards the kitchen. She found tea and milk and decided to make tea. Just as she was pouring the tea in cups, she heard someone from behind, “Aap kaun hai?”

She was startled and spilled some hot tea on her hands. “Ouch!” she cried out loud.

“Are. Kya hua?” Hiraman Kaka ran to her and open the tap in the sink beside her, “Paani ke neeche haath daaliye. Aap Dr. Nidhi hain?”

“Ji,” she said, still flustered as she put her hands under running water.

“Maaf kijiyega. Mujhe pata nahin tha… Maine aapko dara diya.”

“Main theek hoon,” she smiled, “Aap Hiraman Kaka hain?”

“Haan. Waise aapko kitchen mein aane ki kya zaroorat thi. Main bana deta chai.”

“Bas aise hi,” her hand felt fine by now. She took it away from the tap, closed the tap and dried her hand with the hand-towel, “Main uth gayi thi to socha bana loon.”

“Kya ho raha hai subah-subah?” Ashutosh had heard the commotion as he was sleeping in a nearby room and had come there.

“Dr. Nidhi ne apne haath jala liye,” Hiraman Kaka informed him.

“Kya?” his sleepiness disappeared in a moment and he rushed to her, “Kya hua? Kahan…”

“Calm down, Dr. Ashutosh,” Nidhi was a little embarrased at the commotion created, “Main theek hoon. Zara si chai gir gayi thi. Kuchh hua nahin hai.”

“Tumhein kitchen mein aane ki kya zaroorat thi?”

“Wahi to main bhi kah raha tha,” Kaka added.

“He bhagwaan. Aap log please shaant ho jaiye. Meri roz ki aadat hai kitchen mein jaane ki. Kuchh nahin hua hai. Ab koi bachi hui chai peene mein interested hai? Warna thandhi ho jayegi.”

They all smiled.

“Tum log jao dining hall mein. Main chai le kar aata hoon,” Hiraman Kaka said.

Ashutosh gestured to Nidhi and she walked out of the kitchen with him.

“Main munh dho kar aata hoon. Tum baitho.”

“Ji.”

“Muhje ghar jaana hoga,” Nidhi said while they were having tea.

“Thodee der ruko. Main taiyaar ho jaata hoon. Phir saath chalenge.”

“Aap raat mein der se aaye the. Aaraam kar lijiye. Main chali jaungi.”

“Nidhi!” Ashutosh sounded irritated and bored at her repeated insistence of doing things on her own.

“Okay. Sorry. Main wait karti hoon,” Nidhi smiled and gave up.

—

Ashutosh waited as Nidhi took bath at her home and got ready for the hospital.

“Aaj samay se pahle hospital jaane ki zaroorat nahin hai,” Ashutosh told her as she came back to the living room.

“Haan. Hamare pas abhi ek ghanta hai.”

“Nidhi,” Ashutosh said and then fell silent.

“Kya hua?” Nidhi was surprised seeing his hesitant.

“Nahin. Kuchh khaas nahin. Bas… Nidhi. I don’t want you to hurry into anything you are not comfortable with. Kal raat jo hua bedroom mein… I… Maine kuchh pahle se nahin socha tha… I don’t know how you felt…”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Please!” Nidhi interrupted, “Aapko haq hai.” She said confidently, although her cheeks colored.

Ashutosh looked at her looking obviously relieved and happy, “Thank you.”

“Kuchh nashta banaun?” she asked.

“Nahin. Chalo kahin bahar karte hain.”

“Aap to mujhe sach-much spoil kar denge.”

“No regrets. Come now…”

They were about to leave, when there was a knock on the door.

“Abhi kaun hoga?” Nidhi wondered. Her eyes widened in surprise as she opened the door, “Dadi? Aap?”

Baba had returned from the village a day earlier and Dadi had accompanied him.

“Ye to miracle ho gaya Baba. Aapne Dadi ko yahan aane ke liye kaise mana liya?”

“Ab poti ki shaadi to karwani hi padegi na. Aur Yograj kah raha tha ki hamare daamaad ji ko badi jaldbaazi hai.”

Ashutosh and Nidhi blushed at that. They took blessings from Baba as well as Dadi.

“Aap log fresh ho jaiye. Main abhi nashta hi banane ja rahi thi,” Nidhi looked at Ashutosh, silently asking him not to talk about their intention of going out. Ashutosh nodded slightly assuring her.

Nidhi made breakfast and tea for everyone and then they left for the hospital.

—

“Dr. Ashutosh. Baba ka phone aaya tha. Woh kah rahe the ki aaj dinner aap hamare saath karein.”

“Nidhi… Iski kya zaroorat hai?”

“Matlab? Kya hua? Aapko kaam hai kuchh?”

“Nahin. Bas… Phir saari cooking tum khud hi karogi. Aur aise formal invitation hai to kuchh elaborate hoga.”

“To kya hua?”

“Bura mat mannna Nidhi. Main tumhari family ke against kuchh nahin kah raha. Lekin mujhe nahin achchha lagta hai tum din-raat, ghar ke andar-bahar itna kaam karti rahti ho. Kam se kam meri wajah se tumhara kaam aur badh jaye, ye main nahin chahta.”

Nidhi was overwhelmed and could not speak for few moments.

“Achchha. Ye aakhiri baar hai. Mujhe lagta hai Dadi ka idea hoga, formally shaadi ki date fix karne ka,” she finally explained.

“To hum aisa karte hain. Agar formally milna hi hai, to main unhein invite kar leta hoon apne yahan. Wahin baat ho jayegi.”

“Lekin…”

“Don’t worry. Main Baba ko phone karta hoon.”

“Jaadugar again,” Nidhi laughed.

“So be it!”

“Waise aapki baaton se to lagta hai ki shaadi ke baad aap mujhe kitchen mein ghusne bhi nahin denge.”

“Of course, nahin ghusne doonga. Kitchen hi nahin, ghar ke kissi bhi kaam ko haath lagane ki koi zaroorat nahin hai tumhein.”

“Zindagi bhi ajeeb hoti hai Dr. Ashutosh. Ladkiyan shaadi ke baad ki zimmedaariyon se darti hain. Mujhe to lagta hai ki shaadi ke baad meri rahi-sahi zimmedaariyan bhi khatam ho jayegi.”

“Tumse milne ke baad maine mahsoos kiya Nidhi ki zindagi har kissi ko apne apne hisse ki khushiyan aur gham, akelapan aur company deti hai. Kis order mein deti hai, woh vary kar sakta hai. Shayad tumhare liye responsibilties aur freedom ka order baaki logon se ulta hai.”

“Waise agar main kabhi aapke liye kuchh banana chahun to?” Nidhi asked teasingly to make the mood lighter.

“Hmm,” Ashutosh pretended as if he was thinking hard, “Uske liye once a month tumhein kitchen mein jaana allowed hoga. Lekin only after a thorough review of your proposal.”

Nidhi laughed out loud and Ashutosh looked on fondly.

“Waise aapse kuchh baat karni thi,” she suddenly grew serious.

“Bolo.”

“Aapko zyada elaborate shaadiyan to pasand nahin hain na?”

“Mujhe to tumhein sirf apne ghar laana hai, jaldi-se-jaldi. Mujhe koi farq nahin padta ki shaadi kaisi ho. Lekin agar tum chahti ho ki shaadi elaborate ho, to sab kuchh waise hi hoga jaise tumhein chahiye.”

“Nahin. Darasal…”

“Bolo na Nidhi. Hichkicha kyon rahi ho?”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Main soch rahi thi ki kya hum court-marriage kar sakte hain.”

“Kar sakte hain. Lekin koi khaas baat?”

“Otherwise Baba aur Dadi apne means se bahar ja kar kharcha karenge. Aur meri baat nahin maanenge woh log. Aap bhi kharche ki baat karenge to unhein bura lagega. Lekin agar aap court marriage ke liye insist karein to baaki problem apne aap hi solve ho jayegi. Aapko woh mana nahin karenge.”

Ashutosh smiled, “Your Baba should be proud of you, Nidhi. Maine to achchhe-bhale prosperous gharon mein bhi shaadi ke samay ladkiyon ke kharche se maa-baap ko pareshaan hote dekha hai aur tum… Listen. Mujhe pata hai ki thoda mushkil hoga. Lekin sirf isliye ki Baba par financial pressure padega, main nahin chahta ki tumhara koi bhi shauk adhoora rah jaye Nidhi. Kharche ke liye main unhein mana loonga…”

“Aapko pa kar, mere saare sapne, saare shauk poore ho gaye hain. Aur waise bhi aapko pata hai na ki mujhse zyada kharcha nahin kiya hota. Mumbai ke hotel ka woh dinner mujhe aaj tak nahin pacha hai,” she joked.

Ashutosh got up from his chair, went to her and hugged her tight, “I love you Nidhi and I am proud that I love you.”

“Me too,” she whispered.

“Bas ek problem hai,” Ashutosh broke the hug and said.

“Kya?”

“Court marriage ke liye kam se kam ek mahina wait karna padega. Procedures!”

Nidhi blushed, “Aapne kaha tha ki aap intezaar kar sakte hain.”

—

Ashutosh convince Baba and Dadi that neither he, nor Nidhi could take long break from the hospital and that he did not like elaborate rituals. So, they should opt for court-marriage. One and a half months later, Nidhi and Ashutosh signed on their wedding papers in registrar’s office in presence of Dadi, Baba, Anji and Armaan. Ashutosh had arranged a small reception in the evening at a hotel where their hospital colleagues, Nidhi’s friends, Baba’s colleagues, friends and relatives were invited. Since they were not allowed to spend on the wedding, Baba and Dadi spent all their savings on buying clothes and jewelry for the couple. Nidhi and Ashutosh had to let them indulge themselves that much for their happiness.

Baba was to shift to Ashutosh’ house after Dadi had gone back to the village. So, he went back to his house with Dadi after the reception. While Ashutosh and Nidhi came back to his… their home along with Armaan and Hiraman Kaka.

Ashutosh looked shocked when he walked into his room with Nidhi. Nidhi was pleasantly surprised to see the entire room decorated with flowers for their wedding night.

“Aapne ye sab bhi plan kiya tha?” she asked blushing hard.

Ashutosh looked confused, “Actually… maine nahin kiya tha. I have no idea…”

He saw a bouquet on the table and looked at it. There was a note from Armaan telling them that it was a small gift from him and Hiraman Kaka and wishing them a happy married life. He showed the note to Nidhi and said, “Ab kissi ne itni mehnat ki hai to is gift ka use to karna hi hoga na.”

“Achchha. Kaise karenge iska use?” Nidhi teased him as she walked to the dresser and made to take off some of her jewelry.

“Aaj ki raat,” Ashutosh spoke in a heavy voice as he stopped her from proceeding, “tumhein kuchh bhi meri marzi ke khilaaf nahin karne de kar.”

Nidhi smiled nervously and did not made an attempt to reply or resist him. He made her sit on the stool in front of the dresser and started by slipping her saree off her head. Then he took off her maang-teeka, followed by ear-rings and necklaces. He took his time with each piece of jewelry, caressing and rubbing her skin which was bared after the jewelry was taken off. After taking off all her bangles, he led her to the bed and made her lie down. He pushed up her lehanga to access her ankles. He kissed them near her payal and then slowly took the payals off as well. What followed after that was a sweet assault to all her senses as he kissed and caressed her entire body and drove her mad with desire.

“Dr. Ashutosh. Please,” she hissed finally letting go of her shyness and inhibitions and pulled him close to her urging him to take that step forward and make her his own forever – in mind, soul and body!

—

“You drive me mad, do you know that?” he told her after they have caught their breath, “I was not in such a hurry. Maine socha tha ki tum thaki hogi. Hum dono thake hue hain. Lekin tumhein itna kareeb pa kar…”

“Achchha! Mujhe to laga ki aapne is decoration aur gift ki wajah se…” Nidhi was growing bolder.

“If you think so Dr. Nidhi, you are in for surprises in the nights to come,” Ashutosh said meaningfully. She blushed and pretended to hit him in mock anger. He pulled her close and kissed her on forehead.

“Main bahut khush hoon Nidhi.”

“Main bhi,” she replied and snuggled up even closer to him.

– The End –

Discovering Love (Part 14)

Posted Mish3 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Mujhe to pata hi tha,” Dadi boasted when Baba told her about Nidhi and Ashutosh.

“Achchha. Main to inhein roz dekhta tha aur mujhe pata nahin tha. Aapko kaise pata tha Ma?” Baba argued good-humouredly.

“Are. Pichhli baar aaye the, tabhi se mujhe pata tha.”

“Dadi,” Nidhi interrupted, “Tab mujhe bhi pata nahin tha.”

“Padhai-likhayi aur doctori ke chakkar mein tu filmein nahin dekhti na. Yahan hum khoob dekhte hain. Jis tarah se ye tujhe dekh raha tha jab tum pichhli baar yahan aaye the, kissi andhe ko bhi pata chal jaye.”

Ashuotosh, Nidhi and Baba laughed out loud.

“Mujhe nahin pata tha ki filmein itni educative hoti hain,” Ashutosh said.

“Achchha suno,” Dadi said, “Ab jab tum log yahan par ho hi, to hum yahin sagai karwa dete hain.”

“Sagai. Abhi kaise hogi Ma? Abhi hamein nikalna hai. In dono ko kal hospital jaana hai. Mujhe bhi…”

“Haan. To main shaadi ke liye thode hi kah rahi hoon. Ruko.” She went inside and came out with two gold rings.

“Ye kya hai?”

“Maine banwa kar rakhe the kuchh zevar iski shaadi ke liye. Ab hamare samay mein to ye angoothiyan pahnane ke riwaaz nahin hota tha. Maine to bas yun hi banwa kar rakh li thi. Lekin ab jab hai hi angoothiyan aur dono log hai yahan to phir kya samasya hai. Kuldevi ka ashirwaad bhi mil jayega. Ruko. Sunaar ko bulwaati hoon, size sahi kar dega.”

Within next half an hour, the children of the village were sent around, goldsmith was called to adjust the size of the rings, sweets and fruits were delivered, Ashutosh and Nidhi exchanged the ring and were officially engaged. They prayed to the kuldevi in the small temple in the house and left for Lucknow.

—

“Tum log baatein karo. Main bahut thak gaya hoon, sone ja raha hoon,” Baba said when they reached home and left them alone. Ashutosh and Nidhi smiled realizing that he did that on purpose.

Nidhi looked at her ring and started playing with it feeling too shy. Ashutosh stopped her by holding her hand, then brought her hand closer to his lips and planted a kiss on her ring finger. Nidhi blushed hard.

“Khush ho?” Ashutosh asked.

“Ye bhi koi poochhne ki baat hai. Lekin sab kuchh aise achanak…”

“Tumhari kismat hi aisi hai. Sab cheezein achanak hi hoti hain tumhari zindagi mein.”

“Yeah,” Nidhi smiled remembering the evening when they had confessed their feelings for each other. That had also been so sudden.

“Main chalta hoon. Kaafi raat ho gayi hai.”

“Ji.”

“Kal se to tumhari duty doosre department mein hai.”

“Ji,” Nidhi said with regret, “Lekin subah milenge na…”

“Haan.”

—

“Neend poori nahin hui tumhari?” Ashutosh asked when he saw Nidhi yawning.

“Kal wapas aane mein der ho gayi thi na gaon se. Aur subah jaldi uthna pada, ghar ke kaam ke liye.”

“To mujhe bata deti. Aaj nahin aati duty ke pahle. Koi zabardasti thode hi na hai…”

“Zabardasti nahin, majboori hai…”

“Kaisi majboori?”

“Hum sirf aapki wajah se to nahin milte hain. Mera bhi man hota hai. To sirf aapke maan jaane se kya hota, mera man to majboor tha.”

Ashutsh was overwhlemed. He got up and made her stand up too. He held her close.

“Let’s end this Nidhi. Ab ye bardasht nahin hota. Aise door rahna. Sab log taiyaar hain. Agar tumhein koi aitraaz nahin hai to main jald-se-jald tumse shaadi karna chahta hoon. Karogi mujhese shaadi?”

Nidhi smiled. She wasn’t surprised at his proposal, but instead of replying, she withdrew.

“Kya baat hai? Agar tum sure nahin ho to…”

“Nahin. Baat hamari nahin hai. Lekin Baba… Unke baare mein to maine socha hi nahin. Woh akele rah jayenge…”

“Baba akele kyon rah jayenge.Woh hamare saath rahenge.”

“Ji?”

“Maine tumhari zimmedaariyan share karne ki baat ki thi Nidhi, tumhein unse door karne ki nahin.”

Nidhi smiled gratefully, “Lekin Baba nahin maanenge.”

“Woh tum mujh par chhod do.”

“Aap to jaadugar hain, jaise!”

“In chhote-mote kaamon ko agar tum jaadu maanti ho, to haan. Main hoon jaadugar.”

—

“Baba,” Ashutosh was having tea at Nidhi’s house one evening, “Ye bataiye. Aapko lagta hai ki bete-beti mein koi farq hota hai?”

“Nahin. Main to koi farq nahin maanta.”

“Kya aisa kuchh bhi hai jo aapne Nidhi ke liye na kiya ho, lekin uski jagah aapka beta hota to karte?”

“Bilkul nahin. Kar thoda kam paaya hoon, lekin kabhi bhi kuchh is wajah se nahin chhoda ki woh beti hai, beta nahin.”

“To aapko is baat se koi farq nahin padta ki aapki ek-matra aulaad beta thi ya beti?”

“Bilkul nahin. Lekin tum ye kyon poochh rahe ho Dr. Ashuosh?”

“Dekha Nidhi. Maine kaha tha na ki Baba koi farq nahin padta. Beta ho ya beti. Woh tumhare saath rahenge. Hamesha. Jaise bete ke saath rahte.”

Nidhi stared at him wide-eyed.

“Kya matlab?” Baba did not understand him.

“Nidhi ko ye chinta ho rahi thi ki agar woh mujhse shaadi kar legi to aap hamare saath nahin rahna chahenge. Maine usse kaha tha ki Baba bete aur beti mein farq nahin karte. Aur main shart jeet gaya.”

“Lekin…” Baba was baffled. Where did that come from?

“Lekin-wekin kya? Nidhi. Tumhari problem solve ho gayi?”

Nidhi looked at Baba expectantly.

“Main yahan theek hoon Dr. Ashutosh,” Baba protested.

“Lekin Nidhi to wahan theek nahin rahegi aapke bina. Uska dhyaan hamesha aap par laga rahega. Aur agar aisa hua to mere saath bahut na-insaafi hogi. To please. apni nahin, Nidhi ki nahin to meri khaatir, aapko hamare saath rahna hi hoga.”

“Tum baatein banane mein bahut zyada chatur ho Dr. Ashutosh. Lekin mujhe thoda samay do. Ye thoda to ajeeb hai hi na.”

“Aap samay lijiye. Lekin faisla karte samay aap ye zaroor sochiyega ki sawaal aapse zyada Nidhi ki khushiyon aur man ki shaanti ka hai.”

Baba smiled at his clever words.

“Please maan jaiye, Baba,” Nidhi said after Ashutosh left, “Dadi hamare saath rahne ke liye nahin maanti hain to hamein unki kitni chinta rahti hai. Unke paas to phir bhi gaon ke sab log hain. Aapke liye to mujhe hamesha chinta lagi rahegi. Balki agar mujhe aapko chhod kar jaana pada to main shaadi nahin kar paungi Baba.”

“Kuchh to achcha kiya hoga maine apni zindagi mein beta, jo mujhe tum mili beti ki tarah. Aur tumahre jeevan-saathi ke roop mein bhi Dr. Ashutosh jaisa insaan mila,” Baba grew emotional, patted her head affectionately and then went away from there.

—

“Hum aaj shaam ko kahin chal sakte hain,” Nidhi told Ashutosh enthusiastically.

“Kyon? Baba ko baasi khaana khilane ka iraada hai?” Ashutosh joked.

“Dr. Ashutosh. Aap bhool gaye? Aapne doosri car apne driver ke saath bheji hui hai. Baba ko gaon le jaane ke liye. Woh parson wapas aayenge.”

“Oh! Right.”

“Neki kar dariya mein daal ko kaafi literally le liya hai aapne!”

“Baba nahin hain, to tumhein manmaani karne ki chhoot mili hui hai,” Ashutosh teased her to change the topic.

“Aap mujhe aise chidhayenge to main kahin nahin jaungi, aur aapse baat bhi nahin karoongi,” she pouted.

“Aisa gajab mat karna Dr. Nidhi Verma. Cardiology ward waise bhi thoda bhara hi rahta hai hamare hospital mein.”

“Aapko ho kya gaya hai?”

“Kuchh nahin. Bas tumhein chidhane mein mazaa aata hai. Khair. Main shaam ke liye kuchh plan karta hoon.”

“Ji.”

—

“Hum kahan ja rahe hain?”

“Kyon? Tumhein dar lag raha hai?”

“Kaisi baatein kar rahe hain aap? Mujhe aapke saath kyon dar lagega?”

“Ye?” Nidhi looked at Ashutosh questioningly when he parked the car in front of a house.

“Ye mera ghar hai Dr. Nidhi Verma. Aur bahut jald hamara hone waala hai,” Ashutosh smiled.

Nidhi blushed at first, then looked thoughtful and embarrassed.

“Kya hua?” he asked.

“Nahin… Bas yun hi… Soch rahi thi ki maine aaj tak aapka ghar bhi nahin dekha tha. Main aapko time nahin de paati hoon na bilkul bhi? Shaam ko Baba ke liye, weekends par Dadi ke liye…”

“Hospital duties ke liye, padhai ke liye, WHO waale project ke liye,” Ashutosh interrupted

“Mujhe lagta tha ki main aapka akelapan door karoongi. Lekin maine to kabhi aapke liye…”

“Aur in sabke baad bhi, neend poori ho ya na ho, tum subah-subah uth kar, ghar ke kaam nibta kar, bhagti hui mujhse milne chali aati ho. Pagal ladki. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“Aapko mujhse koi shikayat nahin hai?”

“Nahin hai, Jaanti ho kyon?”

“Kyon?”

“Kyonki bahut jald main tumhein apna bana kar, haq se, is ghar mein laane waala hoon. Phir tumhari saaree zimmedaariyan meri hongi, aur tumhari first priority main. Zindagi ke itne saal maine bitaye hain intezaar mein, jab mujhe pata bhi nahin tha ki mujhe kiska intezaar tha. Thoda sa aur intezaar kar sakta hoon. Kyonki ab to mujhe pata hai ki is intezaar ka phal bahut meetha hai.”

Nidhi blushed hard and did not say anything as she felt she would choke on her words.

“Ab andar chalein, ya yahin poori Ramayan khatam karni hai?” Ashutosh joked.

“Chaliye.”

—

To be continued

Discovering Love (Part 13)

Posted MishLeave a commentPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

Nidhi got up earlier than usual and finished all the housework. Baba was surprised to find her in the kitchen already by the time he woke up.

“Kya hua Nidhi? Itni subah subah?”

“Baba. Hospital mein kaam hai thoda. Jaldi jaana hai.”

“To rahne do na thode kaam. Main kar doonga.”

“Nahin Baba. Uski koi zaroorat nahin hai. Kaam hota hi kitna hai?”

“Zyada nahin hota hai, to mujhe hi karne diya karo.”

“Baba! Aap fresh ho jaiye. Main aapki chai bana deti hoon.”

“Maanti nahin hai meri baat,” Baba murmured.

—

“I’m sorry Dr. Ashutosh. Mujhe pahunchne mein der ho gayi. Woh darasal bus…”

“Calm down. Nidhi – ye koi duty par report karne ka time nahin tha.”

“Yeah… Lekin aapko wait karna pada…”

Ashutosh smiled. Seeing her so baffled, he couldn’t have told her that he had come to the hospital even before she had called about leaving from home.

“Sit down. Aur saans le lo zara,” he directed her to a chair and sat down himself on one opposite hers. He took a good look at her and figured that he should offer her water, which he did.

“Thank you,” she said and gulped it down in one go.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Ji.”

“Itna hadbada kyon gayi thi?”

“Aapko late karna pasand nahin hai…”

“Tumhein yahan tumhare boss ne nahin bulaya tha.”

“Ji,” she looked embarrassed, “Aadat nahin hai na…”

“Yeah,” Ashutosh smiled, “Waise ye sach hai ki main besabri se tumhara intezaar kar raha tha. Lekin main nahin chahunga ki uski wajah se tumhari jaan par aafat aa jaye.”

“Main theek hoon.”

“Good. Waise main tumse kuchh baat bhi karna chahta tha. I’m sure, tumne bhi kaafi kuchh socha hoga, kal shaam ke baare mein, apne baare mein, mere baare mein…”

Nidhi blushed. Of course, she had. And after all the thinking she had felt like she was floating in the sky. It was as if all her dreams had come true.

Ashutosh saw her blushing and continued in a thoughtful tone, “Ek baar maine Armaan se bhi kaha tha. Ki hamari feelings jo hain, woh hain. Unka koi kuchh nahin kar sakta. Aur hamare liye ye achchha hua ki humne woh express kar di. Lekin zindagi ke faislon mein feelings ke alaawa aur cheezein bhi matter karti hain.”

He found her looking at him curiously when he paused, “Compatibility matter karti hai, common interests matter karte hain. Aur ye sab cheezein age se affect hoti hain, jiska faasla hamare beech mein bahut zyada hai.”

She looked scared as she asked, “Aap kahna kya chahte hain?”

“Kuchh bhi aisa nahin jisse tumhein darne ki zaroorat ho. Maine duniya dekhi hai Nidhi. Mujhe itna experience hai ki main apni feelings ko samajh sakoon, unki stability par rely kar sakoon. Lekin tumhari zindagi abhi shuru hi ho rahi hai. Isliye main nahin chahta ki tum apni zindagi ka koi faisla jaldbaazi mein karo. Tumhare saamne kai options honge, ya aage aayenge. Tum aisa koi bhi faisla jazbaaton mein bah kar mat karna jisse tumhein baad mein pachhtava ho.”

“Aapka apne liye kya faisla hai?”

“Mere liye mera ye faisla hai ki main tumhein kho nahin sakta. Tumhein apni zindagi mein rakhne ke liye mujhe jo bhi karna hoga karoonga. Tumhein mere saath jo bhi rishta kabool hoga, main usmein khush rahunga, even if it is not the best I had hoped for. But you must be happy!”

“Aap kabhi apne baare mein nahin sochte kya? Har waqt meri fikr?”

“Main to apne alaawa kissi ke baare mein sochna nahin jaanta tha Nidhi. Agar thoda bhi seekha hai to tumse hi seekha hai.”

“Phir to guru gud, chela cheeni ho gaya.”

Ashutosh smiled. They looked at the watch. Their duties were about to begin.

“Shaam mein kahin chalogi?” he asked.

“Main Baba ke liye dinner bana kar nahin aayi hoon…” Nidhi looked embarrassed.

“Koi baat nahin,” Ashutosh hastened to assure her, “Aaj ki tarah kal subah…”

“Ji. Theek hai.”

“Aur shaam mein duty khatam hone par mujhse mil kar hi nikalna.”

“Ji.”

—

“Chalo. Tumhein ghar chhod doon,” he said when she came to his office in the evening.

“Isliye aapne mujhe mil kar jaane ko bola tha?”

“Hmmm…”

“Aap kya roz roz mere driver bane phirenge?”

“Tumhare saath thoda samay bitane ka tareeka hai. Agle hafte se to tum ward mein bhi nahin rahogi.”

“Lekin…”

“Itna mat socho. Chalo.”

—

“Dr. Ashutosh,” Nidhi said during their ride back home.

“Hmm?”

“Aapne jo subah kaha…”

“Yeah?”

“Kya aapko mujh par bharosa nahin hai?”

Ashutosh applied brakes and stopped the car.

“Maine aisa to nahin kaha, Nidhi?”

“Main aapke jitni mature nahin hoon shayad, lekin I am not fickle…”

“Hey. Wait. You know what. Tum mujhse zyada hi mature ho. Jitni calmly tum apni problems, apni life ko handle karti ho, jitni kam umra mein tumne apne oopar itni saari responsibilities le li hain, aur unhein nibhaya hai, I don’t know anyone else… No. I didn’t mean anything like that.”

“Phir?”

“Jo maine kaha tha, tum use meri insecurities samjho. Main sure nahin hoon ki main tumhein khush rakh paunga ya nahin, tumhari pasand-napasand mein tumhara saath de paunga ya nahin, tum apni umra ke logon ke saath jis tarah ki cheezein enjoy kar sakti ho, jaisi zindagi ji sakti ho, waisi main tumhein de paunga ya nahin. Meri baat samajh rahi ho na.”

“Aapko kaise bharosa hoga ki main aapke saath khush rahungi.”

“Pata nahin. Lekin shayad mera dil ya destiny mujhe bata degi.”

Nidhi nodded thoughtfully and they drove on.

—

“Tumhein music pasand hai?”

“Haan. Music kise pasand nahin hota.”

“Well… you will be surprised! Kaisa music pasand hai tumhein.”

“Har tarah ka. Kuchh samajh mein nahin aata, lekin main to classical bhi sunti hoon. Indian, Western – sab.”

“Ghazals?”

“Bahut pasand hain.”

“Great! To ek concert hai aaj shaam mein. Chalogi?”

“Wow! Maine kabhi koi live concert attend nahin kiya hai.”

“Phir to aur bhi badhiya hai.”

“Ye aaj hi hai kya? Kal chal sakte hain?”

“Haan. Chal sakte hain. Lekin aaj kya problem hai?”

Nidhi smiled in embarrassment,”Aapko bhi lagega ki mera record hamesha ek hi jagah atka rahta hai?”

“Kahan?”

“Baba ka dinner bana kar nahin aayi hoon. Kal subah hi bana doongi…”

“To ismein embarrass hone ki kya baat hai?”

“Nahin. Bas aise hi… Main aapko sufficient time nahin de paati…”

“I know Nidhi. Aur main to chahta hoon ki tum 24/7 mere saath raho. Lekin tumhein pata hai na ki I love you for what you are, how you care for your family and everyone else. Main nahin chahta ki meri wajah se tum apni responsibilities mein chooko. Main unmein tumhara saath dena chahta hoon. Lekin jab tak tumhare Baba ko pata nahin hai, aisa karna thoda mushkil hai.”

Nidhi nodded.

“Kuchh kahna chahti ho?”

“Main Sunday bhi yahan nahin rahungi…”

“Dadi ke paas jaana hai?”

She nodded.

“Main bhi chalta hoon.”

“Ji?”

“Tumhare gaon. Dadi se milne. Koi problem hai?”

“Nahin. Bilkul nahin. I am sure Baba aur Dadi bahut khush honge.”

“To main Sunday subah tumhein aur Baba ko pick kar loonga.”

“Thank you. That will be very helpful.”

“Come on. Ismein thank you ki kya baat hai?”

“Actually jab se Baba ko heart-attack aaya hai, mujhe dar lagta hai unhein aisa crowded buses mein le jaane mein. Car will be much more comfortable for him.”

“To tumne aaj tak mujhse kaha kyon nahin? Agar main kabhi nahin bhi ja sakta hoon, to driver tumhein le ja sakta hai.”

Nidhi got tears in her eyes and got up from the chair. Ashutosh got worried and also got up.

“Kya hua?”

Nidhi suddenly hugged him and he was startled for a moment, then hugged her back.

“Tum theek ho?” he asked after she broke the hug.

“Main bahut thak gayi hoon. Sab kuchh khud se karte-karte. Mujhe aapka saath chahiye.”

“Nidhi!” Ashutosh was surprised at the way he was expressing herself.

“Aap Baba se baat kijiye. Hamare baare mein.”

“Are you sure, Nidhi?”

“Aur baar-baar ye sawaal mujhse poochhna band kijiye. Bahut der ho chuki hai. Agar aap ab unsure bhi hain, to main aapko peechhe nahin hatne doongi. Aapko mera saath dena hi padega.”

Ashutosh also became emotional. He cupped her face, wiped the tears that had been flowing from her eyes with his thumb and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Tumne mujhe bata diya, bas ab tumhari tension khatm. Main baat karoonga. Okay?”

—

“Dr. Ashutosh. Nidhi aapko zabardasti to nahin le aayi hamare saath? Pagal hui padi thi ki bus mein pareshaani hogi,” Baba asked Ashutosh during their ride to the village.

“Ji nahin. Mera khud ka man tha aane ka. Pichhli baar bahut achchha laga tha yahan aa kar. Aur phir aapki Maa bahut dilchasp hain. Maine socha ki mil loon ek baar aur unka checkup bhi kar loon.”

“Chalo achchha hai.”

Baba kept them busy through out the journey by pointing out the local landmarks and any stories associated with them.

“Baba. Itne kisse to mujhe pata nahin the?” Nidhi was surprised by the time they entered the village.

“Bachpan mein to hum log kitni-kitni door paidal hi jaate the. Sab cheezon par nazar padti rahti thi Nidhi. Ab buses ki bheed-bhaad mein kya dikhata tumhein, aur kya batata.”

—

As expected Nidhi’s Dadi was surrounded many village-woman and children, when they reached.

“Dadi. Dekhiye to kaun aaya hai,” Nidhi said.

“Are. Dr. Ashutosh. Aao bhai aao. Bahut achcha hua jo tum aa gaye. Yahan kuchh bachche bahut beemaar pade hue hain. Zara dekh lete to achchha rahta.”

“Ma. Dum to le lene do,” Baba was embarrassed.

“Nahin,” Ashutosh interrupted, “Hum doctors hain. Jab koi beemaar pada hua ho, to humse aaraam nahin kiya jayega Mr. Verma. Kahan hain bachche, Dadi?”

“Aas-paas hi ghar hain. Poonam – zara inhein le to jao dono gharon mein.”

“Main bhi chalti hoon,” Nidhi said.

“Dr. Nidhi. Maine dawaiyan aur tools car mein rakhe hue hain. Unhein nikalwa lijiye please.”

“Ji.”

—

They came back after treating the children and had elaborate meal preapred by one of the neighbours. Baba decided to lie down for a while before leaving for Lucknow. Ashutosh went behind him.

“Aapse kuchh baat karni thi Mr. Verma.”

“Boliye Dr. Ashutosh.”

Ashutosh handed him a box. Baba recognized it as the box containing the jewelry Ashutosh’ Baba had left for Nidhi.

“Ye kyon de rahe hain aap mujhe?”

“Kyonki main inke badle, rather inke saath, aapse inse bahut zyada keemti cheez maangne ja raha hoon.”

“Main samjha nahin.”

“Main aapse aapki zindagi ki sabse keemti cheez, aapki beti maangna chahta hoon. Main Nidhi se shaadi karna chahta hoon.”

“Kya?” Baba was extremely surprised, “Aise? Achanak? Mujhe to… Nidhi ko pata hai?”

Ashutosh smiled, “Main aur Nidhi ek-doosre se bahut pyaar karte hain. Aur isliye…”

“Haan. Obviously. Main bhi kaise bewkoofi waale sawaal poochh raha hoon. Main Nidhi ko bula kar laata hoon.”

“Aap rukiye. Main jaata hoon.”

Ashutosh returned with Nidhi to the room. He hadn’t told her what the matter was.

“Kya hua Baba?”

“Mujhe mahsoos hua ki meri bachchi bahut badi ho gayi hai.”

“Ji?”

“Tumhein Dr. Ashutosh se shaadi karni hai.”

“Ji?” Nidhi was baffled and looked from Ashutosh to Baba and back, “Aap… Aapne Baba ko bata diya?” She asked nervously.

Baba smiled seeing her nervousness.

“Tumne to meri sabse badi zimmedaari khud poori kar di Nidhi. Main kahan se tumhare liye Dr. Asuhtosh se behtar dulha dhoondhta.”

“Baba!” Nidhi grew emotional.

Baba went forward and put Nidhi’s hand in Ashutsoh’, “Main bahut khush hoon Dr. Ashutosh. Main ise kabhi kuchh nahin de paaya. Balki chhoti si umra se zimmedaariyan hi utha rahi hai. Lekin mujhe poora vishwaas hai ki tum ise woh sab de sakoge, jiski ye haqdaar hai. Ise khush rakhna. Jisne apne boodhe, kamzor baap ke liye itna kuchh kiya hai, mujhe poora vishwaas hai ki tumhein woh kabhi shikayat ka koi mauka nahin degi.”

“Bas kijiye, Baba. Aap aise kyon kah rahe hain? Agar aapne mere Baba ke khilaaf ab ek aur shabd kaha to main kabhi shaadi nahin karoongi.”

“Pagal ladki!” Baba smiled and patted her head, “Chalo. Achchha mauka hai. Tumhari Dadi ko bhi khushkhabri de dete hain.” He walked out leaving Nidhi and Ashutosh alone for a while.

“Aapne mujhe bataya nahin ki aap Baba se aaj hi baat karne waale hain?” Nidhi complained.

“Agar bata deta to tum poore time nervous aur tense rahti.”

“Aap…” Nidhi tried to reply, but realized that he was right. She smiled shyly.

“Chalo. Bahar chalein.”

—

To be continued