Hopeless Hope (Part 16)
Mouli and Asim sat in silence for a while.
“Does she sing, or play?” he asked after a while.
“Rupa? No.”
“You never tried to introduce her to…”
“No Asim. I deliberately kept her away.”
“Why?”
“She has better control over her life this way Asim. Not like us…”
“You never forgave me, did you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous Asim. When did I ever blame you that I should forgive you?”
“Are you happy, Mou?”
She averted her eyes before replying, “Yes. I am happy. My happiness lies with my daughter.”
“I envy you.”
“Come on. Aren’t you happy Asim? You have achieved everything. Your music has got recognition. You have the name, the fame, the money.”
“Since when did you become so materialistic?”
Mouli sighed and did not reply. If he insisted so much her defences would start crumbling.
“It is obvious,” he said when she did not speak, “That you have raised a wonderful daughter, Mou. She is witty just like you. And she is a sensitive soul. Else I won’t be here today.”
“Asim please…”
“You have done your duty. And you have done it very well. Can’t you think for yourself now?”
“Think for myself?” Mouli chuckled bitterly, “I am at the death’s door Asim.”
“Excuse me?” he was alarmed, “What’s the matter with you? You did look unwell, but…”
“Nothing,” she had revealed something she didn’t want to, “When you have such a grownup daughter, you feel sufficiently old.” She tried to joke it off.
“You didn’t think I was good enough to be a father to your daughter. But now… You don’t think I am good enough to even know anything about you? This is not fair, Mou.”
“Asim please. There is nothing to know.”
“Nothing?” he became agitated, “Nothing to know. Nothing to tell. Nothing to share! Why Mou? Rupali didn’t even know about me?”
“She is my daughter Asim, my baby. Not a sister, or a friend. What would I have told her?” Mouli asked miserably.
Her discomfort brought Asim to his senses. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “This wasn’t what I had in mind when I came here. I got carried away, Mou. I didn’t intend to trouble you any more than I already have. I was hoping to have a nice family evening. I got carried away…”
They heard footsteps coming out from the kitchen and fell silent. They consciously made efforts to not look as anxious and miserable as they were feeling.
“Tea for you,” Rupali handed a cup to Asim. There was some unsweetened ice tea for Mouli and for Paritosh and herself. “Ma. You can also take your medicine with the tea. Here,” she said as she handed Mouli her juice glass.
“It is not necessary Rupa. I can take it later.” Mouli was annoyed at her daughter and it was so rare that Rupali was visibly startled.
“What’s the matter, Ma? You must take it on time…”
“Leave it, Rupa.”
“It’s okay Mou,” Asim sat up, “Don’t stress yourself and don’t scold her for no fault of hers. You don’t want me to know. I won’t know. Whatever it is, this stress cannot help you. I shouldn’t have come.” He looked at Rupali and gave her a sweet, but sad smile, “I’m sorry child. I should have known better. Really sorry. But take care of your mother. Have a good night.”
Paritosh was mortified at the turn of events. It had been his idea. And it had been such a bad idea. And he could not think of any way to salvage the situation.
Rupali was also stunned for a moment. But she thought of something and ran after Asim. “Wait Mr. Sen. You can’t leave like this.”
“What you had in mind, Rupali, was your mother’s happiness. If she doesn’t want me here…”
“That’s not true. That’s not true at all. Please come with me. Once. Please,” she held his hands and led him to her mother’s room.
Mouli meanwhile buried her head in her hands and cried silently.
—
Asim was surprised when Rupali opened a cupboard filled with cassettes and CDs. She took a few of them out and gave them to him. “If you can tell me a single album of yours that is not in this collection, I won’t stop you from leaving. I don’t know what your story is. I don’t know what went wrong, or who is the culprit. But these… that I have seen her hanging on to since my childhood. And what I saw on the day of the concert… And what I saw today… They tell me a story that should not remain unresolved, even if it is doomed to remain incomplete.”
Asim was starting at the collection all this while. He kept back the ones Rupali had handed him. Then he turned to her, patted her head and kissed her on forehead. “Thank you. You have no idea what you have done for me.”
“What had happened? What went wrong between you?”
“That is not for me to tell you, Rupali. I’m sorry. If your mother doesn’t want it…”
“I will tell you,” Paritosh entered the room just then.
When Rupali had dragged Asim inside the room, Paritosh had gone to Mouli and had kneeled on the floor near her feet. “I’m sorry. It is not Mr. Sen’s or Rupali’s fault. It was my idea and obviously I have gone horribly wrong.”
Mouli had wiped her tears before looking up and had asked, “You were trying to pay me back?”
“Pay you back? No. I can never pay you back. You have given me, Rupali. I had no such audacious intentions. I had felt that whatever be the complications, there was no bitterness between the two of you and I thought you would spend a nice evening in the company of a friend, that’s it.”
She had sighed and sat back on the sofa. Paritosh had gotten up from the floor and had pulled a chair to sit near her. “What had happened? You can share Mrs. Banerjee. Your daughter is grown up. She will understand.”
“I’m sure she will. It’s I who doesn’t have the strength.”
“You can tell me.”
Presently Paritosh narrated what Mouli had told him. She and Asim were in college together. Madly in love with each other and music. Asim wanted to make it big the world of music. That became a problem for their love story though. Mouli’s parents wanted her to get married after college. Asim was still a struggling artist. He couldn’t afford to marry her just then.
“That wasn’t the time and age when girls could endlessly resist the societal pressure to get married. And Mouli was, has always been, a very sensitive person. She didn’t want to let her parents down,” Asim continued the story once he was convinced that Mouli didn’t mind sharing it and had already shared it with Paritosh, “She got married according to her parent’s choice and came to live in that small town near Mumbai, so far from her home. Don’t misjudge her for any of this Rupali. She was devoted to your father.” Rupali nodded in understanding. “I wrote to her a couple of times, just to keep in touch, but she strictly forbade it. I knew where she was, of course. We had many common friends. I had come to meet her twice after your father’s death. Once just after the accident. I wanted to ensure that she was holding up fine. I found that she was. Then I came back after a year. By then I had found some foothold. I could have supported myself and her. I proposed her. But she refused. She didn’t think I’d be good enough a father for you.” Rupali bowed her head. She could easily imagine her mother being so protective towards her.
“That’s not what she thought of you Mr. Sen,” Paritosh interrupted, “What she told me was that she felt insecure in any potential relationship between the two of you. She thought she’d come with a baggage, a past and it won’t work out.” Rupali looked up in surprise. She had used similar words to describe Paritosh’ situation in their relationship. And she had been accurate. From experience?
Asim also looked surprised. “That’s what she told you?”
Paritosh nodded. Asim went out of the room to the hall. Paritosh and Rupali followed, but stopped at a distance. Mouli was slumped on the sofa, looking all exhausted. Asim found the tablet Rupali had offered to her on the table. He picked it up and sat beside here.
“Here. You don’t want to tell me what it is for. Fine. I won’t insist on knowing. But it seems it is important for you to have it on time. Please take it.”
Mouli straightened up a little and took the tablet with trembling hands. She picked up the ice tea glass that was still lying untouched and gulped the tablet down.
“I should have tried harder, shouldn’t I?” he asked with a sad smile.
“Yes. You should have. It was years later that Shivani told me what you had interpreted my refusal to mean.” She seemed to welcome the opportunity to speak her heart out.
“I am sorry. I really am. For myself too,” he continued with the same sad smile.
“You never married?”
“Tried once. Failed.”
“Oh!”
“I could not move on. I think I obsessed about you, about us, about what could have been.”
“That makes a room full of obsessive people,” Paritosh whispered to Rupali jokingly. She rolled her eyes at him and he grinned.
“Excuse me,” Rupali went forward to put an end to the grim mood, “But I have worked really hard for this dinner. Do you mind having it before it goes cold?”
Everyone smiled at her fondly. “Let’s get the dinner,” Asim said cheerfully.
“Ma. Me and Dr. Khanna are going to take a stroll outside,” Rupali said after dinner, “We will be back soon. But if Mr. Sen makes to leave before that, please give us a call.”
Mouli nodded understanding very well their intention of leaving her and Asim alone.
“And Ma…” she added a little hesitantly, “You must take your medicine in fifteen minutes.”
Mouli nodded again, with an apologetic smile.
—
To be continued