Tag: Kolkata

Destined (Part 28)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“How far has your painting come?” she asked him after it was decided that he was staying back.

“What painting?” he was taken by surprise.

“Your latest one…” she realized that he didn’t know she had seen her painting. Was she trespassing?

“When did you see it?”

“The night we came back from Darjeeling,” she was regretting bringing this up now.

But he smiled to her relief. “You won’t let me have any secrets, will you?”

She shrugged and smiled.

She chuckled when she saw the painting, “Where are my ears?” The painting had her hair in a high ponytail, but her ears were missing.

“You usually keep your hair open. I had seen you in this hairstyle only once. I couldn’t remember what your ears looked like. So… It’s incomplete.”

He didn’t mean it, but that sounded like an allusion to their relationship. It wasn’t complete. Something was missing. Just like the ears were missing from the painting. She gulped. Then her hands went to her right ear and tucked her hair behind her ear. She repeated it with the left ear. To let him see what her ears looked like.

There was something very sensual about this gesture and Paritosh stared at her for a while. Then as if in a trance, he closed on her and caressed her right cheek with his hand. His hand, then, moved to her right ear and rubbed it slightly. Rupali closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. And Paritosh came out of his trance.

He stepped back startled and even before Rupali had opened her eyes, retreated out of the room. “Dr. Khanna!” she mumbled looking around confused and then rushed out of the room.

—

He was in his room. He stood facing away from the door, as she entered soundlessly. He hadn’t changed for the hospital before breakfast. So, he was still in his white cotton Kurta-Paijama. Rupali’s heart skipped a beat, as she approached the kurta-clad figure with broad shoulders and straight posture.

“Dr. Khanna!”

“Eh?” he was startled as he turned back, “Yes. I am sorry…”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure. Tell me,” his voice betrayed his nervousness, although his words were normal.

“I want to see Dr. Mathew.”

“Why?” To Rupali’s surprise he looked alarmed, instead of happy.

“Why? You always wanted me to…”

“But you never accepted. Why now?”

She downcast her eyes, “I want to get better, Dr. Khanna.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain, “I have pressurized you, haven’t I?” Rupali looked at him in surprise. He continued, “Since yesterday… Bit by bit… I have broken my promise to you. But you are not under my debt Rupali. You are not obliged to tolerate it. I had kept you in my life with a promise… That I’d never…” he took a deep breath trying to gather courage for his next words, “I’d never touch you. And yet I have…”

“Dr. Khanna please!”

“Go away, Rupali. You don’t have to stay. I have broken my promise.”

Rupali got tears in her eyes, “And didn’t it occur to you that I stayed not just because you had promised me something like that, but also because I wanted to?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“I want a normal relationship Dr. Khanna. It has nothing to do with what you are calling ‘pressurizing me’. It’s just my wish… I want to get better…”

“You are telling me the truth?”

“Of course, I am. What has come upon you? Didn’t you always want me to get better? I didn’t heed you all these days, because… Among other things I didn’t have the courage to go there alone. It was… It still is a scary thought. And I had asked you to stay back today, because I wanted to talk… I wanted to ask you if you would come with me…” she choked on her words.

Paritosh looked at her emotionally. He also had to clear his throat before replying, “If you are still asking me… Yes. Yes, I’d come.”

She knew he wouldn’t hug her. So, she went forward to took the initiative herself. He almost crushed her while hugging her back, but she wasn’t threatened. She felt safe, and loved and cared for.

—

“Please come in. Dr. Rupali Banerjee, right?” Dr. Mathew’s disposition was cheerful and friendly, but he was surprised as he saw who entered the room with her, “Paritosh?”

“Hi John,” Paritosh smiled at him, “I know this is unusual. But Rupali was a little nervous about seeing you and asked me to…”

For the first time Rupali realized that it was awkward for Paritosh. And he knew it all along. But he hadn’t hesitated even for a moment, when she had asked him to come with her.

“Please sit down,” Dr. John Mathew was back in his element, “So, Rupali. How are you today?”

She gave him a nervous, half smile. What kind of question was that? How would one be on any given day to have to come to a psychiatrist.

“There is nothing to be nervous about, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew said somberly when she did not say anything, “Anything we talk about here, remains in this room. It won’t ever go out. You are doctor. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” her voice barely came out.

“So, tell me. What worries you?”

Dr. Mathew was as friendly and assuring as anyone could be. So, Rupali could not blame him when she found her hands and fee going cold. What was she to tell him? How? Had it all been a mistake?

Silence hung in the air uncomfortably for a few moments.

“You need to talk, Rupali.”

Silence.

Paritosh noticed her stiffening body and was compelled to speak, “Rupali. Would it help if I left. It might be…”

“No!” her alarmed reaction was immediate. And she clutched his hands instinctively. To stop him from leaving.

That’s when Paritosh realized that her hands had gone ice-cold.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed and took both her hands in his and rubbed against them to give her some warmth. “What’s the matter, Rupali? What are you so afraid of? Her hands are dead cold, John.”

Dr. Mathew looked thoughtful. He asked Paritosh, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Paritosh nodded and then turned to Rupali to ask her to let him go for a while. But she did not loosen her grip on his hands.

“I will give you sometime,” Dr. Mathew said and after Paritosh’ nod left the room.

“I am not going anywhere,” Paritosh spoke to Rupali in low, assuring voice after Dr. Mathew left, “What has happened to you? You have survived everything Rupali. Talking about it can not be worse than living it. What makes you so nervous?”

“This is my last chance,” she finally spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

“My last chance to get better. If this fails, I do not know what I’d do.”

Paritosh sighed. Whether or not she accepted it, she was feeling pressurized.

“May be,” he said after thinking it through, “May be this is your last chance at getting better. But with me, Rupali, you are left with no chance at all. It does not matter if you get better or not, it does not matter if you become worse, even if you become mad and lose your mind, I’m not giving you a chance to run away from me.”

She was overwhelmed, but she did not cry. She leaned on him and rested her head on his chest, “It was a bad idea, Dr. Khanna. I don’t have the strength to talk about my life. Yet again. To yet another person. Let’s go back.”

“That’s fine, Rupali,” he patted her head, “There is no pressure, you know that, right?”

“I really wanted to…” she was torn between her hopes and her fears.

Paritosh pushed her back and took a good look at her face.

“I’m being unreasonable, am I not?” Rupali became conscious.

“What’s wrong in being unreasonable once in a while? Let me talk to John. If he agrees, I will tell him everything. Then you won’t have to narrate it all. Okay? From then on he’d be able to ask you questions and continue with his diagnosis and treatment. Is that fine?”

He always had a solution for her. She looked amazed. Then nodded slowly. “Will he agree?” she asked feeling uncertain.

“I don’t know. Let me try.”

“Okay.”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 27)

Posted Mish5 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“Why the hell did you run into the rain?” Partiosh was not assuaged yet.

Rupali was sneezing by the time she managed to change her clothes and come out to the hall of her house.

“The kids weren’t getting back. They would have fallen ill.”

“Kids can be quite immune. It is you who has fallen ill. Where is the thermometer?”

“Thermometer?”

“You are sneezing like crazy. I want to make sure you are not running a temperature.”

“I don’t have a thermometer. And I am fine.”

“You don’t have a thermometer at home, Dr. Rupali Banerjee?” Paritosh was annoyed as his emphasis on “Dr.” showed.

“Please Dr. Khanna,” Rupali felt miserable seeing his foul mood continue.

“Let me check…” he made to touch her forehead and then hesitated, “Can I?”

She nodded looking embarrassed.

“You are running a temperature, Rupali.”

“I am sorry. I really am. Now please, don’t ruin your mood like that. I will take a paracetamol and sleep it off. I will be fine by the morning.”

Paritosh took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

“I am sorry,” he said softly, “I got worried. But you need to eat something, have a cup of hot tea, and then take rest. Radha is not here yet. Can you call her?”

“Okay,” she said and made the call.

“Lie down in your bedroom. I will make you some tea in the meanwhile.”

“I will go later. And Radha will make tea. You don’t need to…”

“Don’t annoy me again. Let me take you to your room.”

Rupali had no option, but to go with him.

—

He pulled a chair close to her bed as she sipped her tea. “So, this is why you used to get sick in your childhood? Running around in rain?” he asked with a smile.

“I was cold intolerant.”

“You still are.”

“I didn’t realize.”

“How come?”

“Just didn’t…” she replied and averted her eyes. But she could not hide her tears from him.

“Hey! What happened? Rupali?”

“Nothing. Nothing really…” she kept the tea away and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. It was adorably cute how she wiped her tears like a little girl. But right now, she was very disturbed.

“Talk to me, please Rupali.”

“I miss my parents…”

“Of course, you do. How can you not miss them? But why these tears, all of a sudden? Did my scolding hurt you?”

She shook her head, “It reminded me of them. I used to be careless. I knew I was intolerant to cold and water. Still, I would go out in the rain, go around without warm clothes in winters… Because… Because I knew they would be there to nurse me. And I never thought that it would be a trouble to them. You don’t think anything you do could be a trouble to your parents. And then they were gone… Just like that… I could no longer take anybody for granted after that. I was cautious. I didn’t want to fall ill. I didn’t want to be more of a burden than I already was. I became so careful, I almost never fell ill. So, I had started thinking that I was immune now. I wasn’t… I just didn’t believe anyone was there to nurse me, if I fell ill…”

“Now you do, right?” Paritosh’ eyes had moistened. He knew what she was saying. Not being able to take anybody for granted. But in his case, he had never known his parents. He hadn’t known any other way of life in his childhood except for other people taking care of him. It wasn’t a great feeling, but it didn’t create the dissonance it had created for her. She had been old enough to always remember the change that had come in her life. And she had been young enough to still need her parents a lot. “Now you do have someone to take care of you,” he repeated, “You know that, don’t you?”

He really wanted to gather her in his arms and give her a tight hug. But more than her feeling offended, he wasn’t sure of what effect her physical proximity will have on him. So, he hesitated. But Rupali was overwhelmed. She suddenly leaned on him and then hugged him. There was no question of not hugging her back. He did. And he patted her to comfort her. She sobbed. She was like a lost, crying child, looking frantically for her missing parents. Oh Rupali! Could nobody heal her pain? At that moment, what he felt for her was almost paternal care.

“Calm down, Rupali,” he said after a while. If she cried so much, her fever would get worse, “Everything is all right. You are not alone. You are not a burden on anyone. Come on, now.”

She withdrew slowly. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled and again wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“Sorry for what?”

“My breakdown. I got carried away.”

“Don’t be an idiot. I think that’s Radha,” the call bell rang just then, “I will get the door. I am going to tell her what to cook. And you must eat whatever she brings. Okay?” He was back in parenting mode.

She gave a small smile and nodded.

Paritosh was tempted to stay with her for the night. To make sure that her fever did not get worse. But he didn’t. There was an unspoken contract. A bit of it was already broken that day. He couldn’t risk more.

—

He was surprised to see her at the breakfast table the next morning.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he was alarmed.

“Waiting for you on the breakfast table,” she replied cheerfully.

“You should be taking rest.”

“I am fine. I really am. You have a thermometer here? You can check?”

He just went to her and touched her forehead. It seemed fine. He sighed in relief.

“You will be the death of me, Rupali, if you behave like that.”

“Sorry. I was just… I wanted to see you,” she replied with an embarrassed shrug.

The overwhelmed lover could no longer hide behind the strict guardian now. He smiled warmly and replied in a low, throaty voice, “Me too.”

That restored her cheerful mood.

“Can I ask you for something?” she asked sheepishly as they were having breakfast.

“As long as you don’t evict me from this house,” he joked and chuckled.

“I am serious, Dr. Khanna. Please.”

He also became serious and said affectionately, “You don’t need permission to ask me for something. Just shoot. Whatever is mine is yours. You don’t even need to ask me…”

“Can you take a day off today?” she said hurriedly as if she had to say it out quickly. If she slowed down, she won’t be able to speak at all.

“What happened?” her request worried him, “Is there a problem?”

“No. No,” she assured him hastily, “I have a day off today. I… I wanted to spend some time with you… Talk to you…”

His frown disappeared and he smiled fondly, “Let me check if there is anything urgent. If not, I am all yours Dr. Banerjee.”

She grinned.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 26)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali bore Radha’s anxious inquiries after her well-being gracefully. She didn’t know who had informed her. Paritosh or Moitras. She hadn’t remembered to.

“Poor you,” she patted Rupali’s head, “And his unfortunate parents. Why has the boy turned out like that? But there always were signs…”

“Radha. Please,” she pleaded, “There is no point talking about it.”

“Of course. I am sorry. You must be tired. Shall I get you dinner?”

“I had it at Dr. Khanna’s place. I will just take a bath and sleep.”

“I will get the hot water.”

By now she was so exhausted that all her confusions and anxiety could not keep her awake. She fell asleep immediately after hitting the bed.

She woke up at five in the morning. It was slow and natural awakening. Not like the nightmare-induced ones she often had in past. She had been asleep by 8.30 last evening. She felt energized and fresh. She got down from the bed and opened one of the large, colonial windows of her house. The hot, humidity of Kolkata weather had not yet dawned. The air was cool and she could feel it on her face. Then she thought about Paritosh. About their conversation last night. If someone had ever received unconditional love in this world, she had. The last night was an undeniable proof. Accepting what he had offered might be selfish on her part. But he wanted it too. And if it wasn’t right for future, she could still take the risk for the present. She was a fighter, wasn’t she? She had survived the death of her parents, the atrocities of Rohan… Couldn’t she survive and make the best out of love? Couldn’t she try to make it right for the future as well? Why be afraid? What was there to be afraid now? And she smiled. A smile free of any pain behind it!

—

Paritosh was about to start his breakfast, when Rupali walked in.

“Hi,” he greeted her anxiously.

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna. I thought I could have breakfast here.”

“Sure,” he beamed, “Sit down. There are cereals. Do you want some eggs?”

“I will ask the housekeeper to make some half-fry. Do you want some too?”

“No. I will skip eggs. Thanks.”

“I love half-fry. But for some reason Radha doesn’t make them very well,” Rupali said after she had been served eggs, “She didn’t used to cook much at Kaku’s place. There was another cook.”

“How are these?”

“Very nice. Just the way I like them.”

“Great.”

“You aren’t talking at all,” she complained sweetly after a while.

“For a change, I am enjoying you talking.”

She blushed and smiled.

—

It had been a month since their heart-to-heart. Rupali was happy like never before and Paritosh indulged her like he had done no one before. They would have most of their meals outside the hospital together. Either at his house or in a restaurant. It came to a point that Radha had nothing to do at home during day time. It was, therefore, decided that she would stay at Rupali’s place only at night. She would go back to Moitras’ house during the day. “It will ensure that she doesn’t have to stay alone all day, Kakima. I am away on duty and the poor woman is all alone in this house,” she had explained. Damyanti and Sabyasachi had not objected, inwardly happy that she was getting closer to Dr. Khanna.

Rupali and Paritosh were following an unspoken convention though. She wouldn’t stay at his place at night. He used to drop her himself. When that was not possible, an household staff would drop her in the other car.

Paritosh had stayed true to his promise of not touching her. Quite literally. And it didn’t seem to make him feel wretched. The one who did feel wretched was Rupali. Her body’s limitations did not make her immune to emotional needs. She wanted him. And she couldn’t have him. Because of herself. Whenever her train of thoughts went down in this direction, she would suddenly be roused by Paritosh’ earlier reaction to “her feeling damaged”. He had declared loud and clear that he did not like or believe that. She could not go the route of self-pity. But what they had was inadequate. Partiosh might be happy with that. But she wanted more. Couldn’t she heal herself? Just enough to be with him. How should she do it? And how should she tell him?

—

They decided to stay a while longer at the orphanage. They would spend some more time with kids. They took a break after the kids got busy playing with each other in the playground. Despite the pressure to accommodate more children, the orphanage had not given up on its decently sized playground, Paritosh informed Rupali. “And thank God for that. Children need open spaces, playground, fresh air and exercise,” he added.

“The living quarters are over-crowded, though. Children adopt to a lot of things. But they deserve some more space.”

“This is probably one of the best financed places. Still, it is not enough. We have a huge population, Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh smiled at Rupali sadly.

“Yep. And so if there are more needy people, there should be more helpers in the country too.”

“How do you draw more of them out?”

“I have read about fund-raising efforts of non-profits in other countries. US, for example. It isn’t done on an ad-hoc basis there. Hoping for some rich people to take fancy to you. There are professional, well-planned fund-raising efforts. There are professionals who specialize in such efforts. I’m sure we could use some ideas from there.”

“You really want to do something, don’t you?” Paritosh smiled appreciatively.

“Yes,” her voice was suddenly low and embarrassed, “I hadn’t been in their rooms until recently. And when I did, I almost felt guilty about all the space I have to myself. Now, I am not someone who can donate in lacs and crores, but if hundred people like me could donate even 1000 Rs. each per month, that’d be an extra income of 1 lac a month for the place. Could take care of some basic needs for many children. Thousand people like me would make in 10 lacs a month. Many people spend more than that on donating to temples. And if even a small portion of temple-donations by really rich people could be tapped for this, we could definitely acquire more land and secure more living space for them.”

“If you want to do something, and have a plan, I am in it.”

“Really?”

“We have the same motivations, Rupali.”

Rupali gave a hesitant shy smile. They held each other’s gaze for a moment. And Paritosh felt a current that was ‘dangerous’ in his assessment. He was unaware that Rupali had felt the same.

Their moment was disturbed by a sudden downpour. “Oh God! All of a sudden. The kids will fall ill,” Rupali was flustered, especially when she saw that a large number of kids were enjoying the rain instead of running for shelter. “I will get them back,” she said and ran out to the ground.

“Wait Rupali. The staff would be here any moment. You will get wet.”

“I will be fine. You stay here and make sure they don’t run back into the rain.”

The staff usually responsible for overseeing the children during their play time was taking a break because Rupali and Paritosh were there. They came running when they saw the downpour and relieved Rupali. But she was already wet by then.

“You are mad, Rupali,” Paritosh admonished her, “As bad as the kids. What if you fall ill? You don’t even have a change of clothes here. Come now. We have to hurry back.” And after weeks, he touched her, holding her arms to drag her away. She stumbled in surprise and he had to hold her with his other hand too. And he saw her wet face, clattering teeth, trembling lips, her open hair drenched and tangled up! This was the stuff seduction and desire were made of. Paritosh could not look away from her. His hold on her hands tightened until it hurt her and made her come out of her own trance. She winced, very slightly, but enough to jolt Paritosh out. His hard gulp was visible and audible as he let her go, stepped back and looked at the gate of the orphanage building. “Let’s go,” he mumbled and walked off, Rupali following him in a still dazed state.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 25)

Posted Mish8 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“You look tired. You are obviously tired. Want some tea?” Paritosh asked when Rupali went to his room.

“Later Dr. Khanna.”

They went silent for a few moments. Then Paritosh started speaking, “Last night…”

“You talked,” she gave a nervous, half-smile.

“I did… I am too old to play this hide and seek Rupali.”

“And I have been telling you to go away without ever giving a reason. But it’s not like I have tried to go away myself. I forced you into this hide and seek.”

“Do me a favor Rupali. Stop berating yourself for everything. Stop saying things like you are damaged, messed up, or that you forced me for something…”

“But I am… And embarrassing as it is, I am going to tell you all today. I am going to give you the reason why I always ask you to go away. It has nothing to do with my feelings. Because… well… if you have not realized it till now then let me tell you that there is no end to how much I adore you. And not just because you have done me favors. But because of the person you are. The strength of your character, the gentleness of your heart… And all of this probably sounds like a character from Austen’s novels, but it’s just true…”

“Why then, Rupali? Is it me or my feelings that you are not sure of? The entire world seems to see right through them. Since before I have known them myself. Don’t you?”

“Even if that was the case at some point of time, that’s not so now. Not after last night.”

“Then?”

“Feelings are where a relationship begins Dr. Khanna. And then there is a life to be shared…”

“You think we are not compatible?”

She surprised him by suddenly turning away so that her back faced him, “I am just going to say this a doctor-to-doctor. And still I don’t have the heart to see your reaction. So, I am not facing you. Dr. Khanna – emotionally I may heal. In fact, emotionally I may not be that damaged. I had compartmentalized well there. But my body… If you touch me, I will go frigid. That is the only reaction my body knows. I am twenty-three. And I am a doctor. I know a few things about human body… And I know that there are natural desires… And I have never felt them. Never. Not for anybody. Not even for…” she bit her lips. She could not say “you”. “If Rohan was still in my life,” she continued, “It wouldn’t have mattered. He lived in his own delusional, happy world. He would never have noticed. But you… You will notice. You look at my face and you know that I am mad about you talking to Kakima. When I myself may not be sure if I am mad. You hear me talk about my appointment with the psychiatrist and you know that I am lying. You know me Dr. Khanna. And you would know when I… And both of us will be miserable.”

She was terrified after she had spoken. Was it a bad idea? What would he think of her now? Would their camaraderie be destroyed? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Should she just walk out and go home? Would they, then, go back to being the boss and the intern and forget that this ever happened?

The silence had been there barely for half a minute. But Rupali felt like it had been hours. Then he walked around and came to face her.

“Thank you,” he said startling her into looking up at him, “For talking.”

She didn’t know what to say and she felt like she was supposed to say something. “I should leave,” she finally mumbled and looked around distracted as if trying to ensure that she was not leaving anything behind.

“Don’t go away, Rupali. Don’t go away from me, or my life. I promise you, I will not touch you. And I will not let anyone lay a finger on you.”

She stared at him agape.

“I mean,” he closed his eyes trying to go from an emotional to a practical conversation, “If you want to go to your home right now. Or later. That’s fine. I will drop you myself. But don’t go away… not from my life.”

Her eyes dropped to the floor as she spoke, “Either you didn’t understand what I said. Or you are reacting hastily.”

He sighed audibly, “You don’t believe me?” Was it hurt in his voice?

“Dr. Khanna. It’s not like that…”

“I am not blaming you. Can you sit down for a moment?”

She nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed like last night. He also followed the suit.

“I was hasty… Not in my reaction. But in my speaking it out.”

That puzzled her. He paused for a moment before continuing, “You will probably understand me better, if I started by assuring you that I don’t think your problem is trivial. Nor have you been an idiot to make an issue out of it. And trust me. I understand why you didn’t talk about it till now. And how much of an effort it has been for you, even today.” She fought back a drop of tear that threatened to come out of her eyes. It had taken her a lifetime of effort and will power to say what she had just said. “I will be extremely honest with you, I had thought of a thousands of possibilities about what could be bothering you. And if you thought it was too early for you to decide, or that we were not compatible, I wouldn’t have said a single word to convince you otherwise. But among those thousand possibilities, I didn’t think of this bothering you. Why didn’t I think? I don’t know. I just didn’t. Probably there are some pains, some hurt that only you know, not even the person who knows you the best. But as you spoke Rupali, I was not surprised. The life you have had… It had to leave the hurt somewhere.”

“Why would you then…”

“Because you make me happy and hopeful about life. It is as simple as that. I am just grateful to fate that your emotional or mental hurt isn’t beyond healing. And sex… That can be one manifestation of love, but not the only one. Love is about things beyond that… And I haven’t felt that in a long time. What I have today… I don’t want to lose it.”

“Tomorrow might be different. You might find someone.”

“If history is anything to go by, I am not looking. But still, who am I to predict the future, right? If I do find someone in future, for whom I would like to forsake you, then you will be hurt once again. Your faith will be destroyed once again. Do you think you can take the risk with me?”

She was disarmed. And speechless.

“What am I supposed to do?” she mumbled, “This isn’t real. I hadn’t imagined being in a situation like this. Am I schizophrenic or something? Am I am imagining you? This entire thing? I don’t know how to react.”

“Oh, you have handled worse,” Paritosh replied with mock seriousness, “I’m sure you will figure something out.” Then he chuckled.

But Rupali was still lost. “What do I do?”

“Have your dinner here. Then let me drop you home,” Paritosh said seriously, “You won’t have another change of dress with you, right? And you are terribly exhausted. Have a good night’s sleep. That will clear your mind as well. And tomorrow morning, if you still have any objections to what I want, tell me. If not, well… there is nothing extra to do be done. Our life is good. And I would be a very, very happy man. Come now. I’m sure some dinner is ready.”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 24)

Posted Mish1 CommentPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Absent-mindedly she walked towards the room where he had shown her the paintings. Some of them were still uncovered. Including Daar ji’s portrait. She stood before that for a while, as if wondering if this blood-related elder of hers would be able to help her. She looked around and realized that Chand’s painting had been covered again. And then she noticed a fresh painting… She walked closer and what she saw did not surprise her, but it made her cry again. He was making a portrait of hers. From memory. The entire face was outlined, but only the eyes, forehead and part of hair had been painted. She tore her eyes away from the painting and looked at Daar ji’s portrait again. Could she sort it out?

—

“Please call me as soon as he wakes up,” Rupali told the elderly housekeeper before leaving for the duty in the morning, “He might look for me and get worried. I need to go to the hospital.”

“Sure Dr. Rupali.”

She herself was tired and sleepy. But it wasn’t the first time she would be on duty in that state. Now, she was almost used to it. She informed the admin that Dr. Khanna might not come on duty and went about her work. She spent her breaks quietly on the terrace practicing how she will talk to Paritosh. And her mobile rang. It wasn’t the housekeeper, but Paritosh himself.

“Tai told me that you are in the hospital?” his voice told her that he had just woken up.

“Yeah. I woke up. So, I thought…”

“Or you didn’t sleep?”

She sighed, “I am fine Dr. Khanna. I will come back there once my duty is over. I have told the admin you won’t be coming today. So, you can just take rest.”

“But…”

“Please. I am fine. Really.”

—

“But why would you take her to Darjeeling, Dr. Khanna?” Sabyasachi and Paritosh were speaking on phone, “Isn’t that the reason why I had sent him away from Kolkata? That I didn’t want any trouble for either of them. Do you think it has been easy on me?”

“I had no clue that he was no longer in the facility? And why should she be restricted by where Rohan is? What is her fault?”

“Please Dr. Khanna. Try to understand. He was doing fine.”

“Fine enough trying to kill people,” Paritosh was rude and angry, “If that was fine, it is better that he is back in the hospital. Please try to understand Mr. Moitra. If you act like everything is normal, when it isn’t, it won’t be good for him either. Sooner or later, he would be in trouble.”

“How is Rupa?” The rational man inside Sabyasachi did not have any argument against Paritosh. So, he didn’t try to continue arguing. But he was torn between his rationality and his love for his family. It wasn’t just Rohan who had fallen apart, Damyanti too.

“Holding up. As ever,” Paritosh was not satisfied, but he realized that this argument would lead nowhere. And Rupali would definitely not be happy if he said anything inappropriate to Moitras. “It is me, who is shaken Mr. Moitra. She doesn’t know I called you. She went to Darjeeling because it had memories of her parents. They had met there. She didn’t even remember that Rohan was there. If you do think we were at fault, it was me. Not her. Please don’t say anything to her.”

“What can I say to her, Dr. Khanna, except to apologize, again and again, pointlessly.”

Paritosh sighed and changed the subject, “I will see you during the board meeting this Friday, then.”

“Sure Dr. Khanna. Bye.”

—

Sabyasachi called Rupali and much to her embarrassment apologized profusely. Then he asked her if he could meet her after her duty and drop her home too. Rupali hesitated for a while. She had to go to Paritosh’ house. What would Kaku think of her going there. But… how did any of it matter any longer. So, she agreed.

“I didn’t remember at all Kaku that he was there. I am sorry,” she apologized to him after getting into his car.

“You shouldn’t have to Rupa. But I know that you would not knowingly do that… And anyway he had no business being in the convention. I don’t know what took him there.”

“You didn’t go there, Kaku?”

“Your Kakima has gone. I have some work. You had come back by car, right? Why didn’t you take the day off?”

Rupali looked alarmed, “Dr. Khanna talked to you?”

Sabyasachi nodded.

“Kaku. He is angry… If he said anything, please…”

“He is angry, yes. But he didn’t say anything wrong. Are you not angry? Being on death’s door. Twice. Because of my son…”

“Kaku. Are you not angry? At me? If you hadn’t brought me home, none of this would have happened?”

“It was good I brought you home, Rupa. I, at least, have one child who is doing well for herself.”

“I am angry at him Kaku. But how can I be angry at you?”

“I won’t accept it before others. But what Dr. Khanna thinks is right. I did try to influence medical opinion with… I can hold myself together, work rationally, but your Kakima…”

“Kaku. I promise I will never ever go to Darjeeling again. Or if you want to send him somewhere else, or even bring him back to Kolkata, I won’t set foot in that city. Just tell me…”

“No. I won’t bring him to Kolkata.”

“I will ask Dr. Khanna not to speak to you about it again…”

“It’s okay child. He is a reasonable man. I am happy you have him.”

Rupali flushed. They stayed silent for a while, until they reached the signal from where hers and Paritosh’ homes were in different direction. She took and deep breath and spoke, “Kaku. Please drop me at Dr. Khanna’s place. I have to talk to him.”

“Not about…”

“No. Not about it.”

He nodded and took the turn towards Paritosh’ house. He dropped her there and left without going in. She could not insist either. If somebody’s life and relationships could be awkward, it was hers.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 23)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

He didn’t say a word to console and comfort her; just held her until her sobs had subsided. Then he gently spoke, “Wash your face, freshen up. We’ll leave right away.”

“But the convention…”

“It was a bad idea to begin with…”

“I had completely forgotten that Rohan was in Darjeeling…”

“I hadn’t. But I didn’t think a madman would be let lose like this.”

For the first time Rupali noticed that Paritosh was angry. Extremely angry. She vaguely remembered that he had called Rohan ‘mad’ even before other doctors, not a more medically appropriate “mentally disturbed”. And he had called him names. Very uncharacteristic of him. He was gentlemanliness personified. He called even people many years his junior by their surnames. His anger, his emotions were always controlled. But Rohan had made him forget his manners… Or… No… Rohan hadn’t. She had. She had made him forget his manners. He made his disgust and anger so obvious because her life was in danger… She had that effect on him…

“Keeping him in an institution would be better use of all the money Moitras have, than spending it on certifying him fit and trying to settle him into a normal life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That son of a… I am sorry,” he suddenly became conscious of his digression, “He has a practice here. Set up with the help of his father, of course. How can a mentally disturbed person be entrusted to cure others. I am sorry, Rupali. But despite all the respect you have for them, I can not condone this senselessness on their part. Just because he is their son…” His voice trailed off.

“Let’s leave,” she said in a small voice and walked to the bathroom to wash her face.

—

Their train would leave only late at night. But Paritosh did not wait for it. He hired the cab the to take them all the way to Kolkata. Half way through their journey, he saw Rupali shifting uncomfortably in her seat. He had been brooding silently till then and hadn’t realized that it was too long a journey to be comfortably covered by car.

“Please stop at the next petrol pump or motel,” he told the driver, then turned to Rupali, “It was a bad idea, wasn’t it? It’s too long a journey for car. I’m sorry… I was angry.”

“Please don’t apologize,” Rupali said, fatigue and depression clearly affecting her spirits, “I was as eager to get away.”

“Do you want to stay somewhere for the night. We can start again in the morning…”

“No.”

“Okay. We’ll take a short break then. Here is a motel. Some tea or coffee would be good I think. Please stop the car.”

—

It was three in the morning, when the car finally pulled over in front of Paritosh’ house. They hadn’t talked about her going to his house, but she did not insist otherwise. Paritosh paid the driver and they got down. On entering the house, she automatically walked towards the room she had stayed in earlier.

“Take rest,” he said, “Do you need something?”

She shook her head. He walked over to his bedroom. Rupali changed her clothes. She was tired and lied down on the bed. But despite all energy having been drained out of her body, she could not sleep. She finally gave up and came out of the room. Across the hall, she saw that the light was on in Paritosh’ room too. She walked towards it. The door wasn’t locked, only shut. She opened it slightly and saw Paritosh sitting on a chair near his writing-table. There was a glass full of whiskey there and a bottle that was almost empty. He had been drinking. Rupali didn’t know if he drank. But she had never seen him doing so. She sighed and walked to the table.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” she asked.

“Rupali… What am I to do with you… with us?”

“What… are you… talking about?” Was he drunk?

“It is not like I had planned it, is it? You coming into my life… me in yours… Our shared pain of being orphans… a history connected through Daar ji and your mother… I hadn’t planned any of it… I hadn’t expected any of it… And yet it happened. Why?”

Rupali felt scared to the core. Where was this going? “I don’t know Dr. Khanna… But you should not be so disturbed. Please… Not because of me…”

“No. No. No. Don’t walk away. Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Just sort this out for me, okay?”

“Stay away from me and you will be sorted again,” her voice quivered and her eyes moistened. But she managed to not cry.

“Sorted again? No Rupali. There is no ‘again’ for me. Because I was never sorted. Not in a long time. But you came. And against my better judgment, against any semblance of rationality, I started feeling connected to you… But…”

“I was too messed up myself to sort anything for you.”

“No. No. Why don’t you listen, or try to understand? Why do you have to conclude everything on your own?”

“I’m sorry.” He was clearly drunk. And probably it was for good. Even if in a rambling fashion, he was speaking his heart out. Although Rupali did not know how should she react to him.

“Good. Now listen. What was I saying?” He had lost his train of thoughts, “Why don’t you sit down?” He held her hands and took her to the bed. She sat down at its edge gingerly. He also sat down after her. “It has been a frustrating to and fro ride, Rupali.” He looked directly into her eyes.

“What do you mean?” she tried to hold his gaze.

“Every time I take a step towards you, something or the other pushes either me or you ten steps away. First you were out-of-bounds. Engaged… To that… Never mind. Then that house… It made you so miserable, while all I had wanted was to make you happy… And then knowing your painful past… I wanted to stand by you… But I was afraid I was not enough… I tried to push you away when you could have done most with support…”

“That’s not true. You have stood by me. Always.”

“You are a simpleton… An idiot… You thought I was pushing you away because of Chand, didn’t you?”

She gulped. She had indeed thought so at one point of time. And when Paritosh had clarified that they couldn’t be together, she hadn’t been able to find any alternate explanation of his behavior. She had just pushed those questions away from her mind. But even that pushing away didn’t mean that he wasn’t there for her. Why…

“You thought that, didn’t you?” he repeated his question.

She nodded in reply. She couldn’t lie.

“You were an idiot. You put me on such pedestal that you couldn’t see how scared I was. Of my inadequacy.”

Tears started flowing from her eyes.

“And as if our own confusions were not enough, every guilty person in the world had to draw his or her own conclusion and scare and confuse me ever more… One was Mr. Moitra, who felt guilty for you. Another was Chand, who felt guilty for me…” ‘So, Chand’s tete-a-tete about their relationship had not been restricted only to her,’ Rupali thought somberly, ‘She had been vocal before him too.’

“And then you… You stupid girl .You thought that you were not good enough for me, because… what had you said… you were damaged?” Oh my God! He had heard her conversation with Chand, then. And she didn’t have a clue!

“Damaged? Do you know what that made me feel? My own inadequacy was not so difficult to accept. But you feeling damaged… And that I could have had something to do with that feeling… Do you have any idea how much it hurt?”

“Dr. Khanna… You had nothing to do with… Oh God!” Rupali was openly sobbing now.

“But there was one thing I knew at that instant. That both of us were playing this I-am-not-good-enough-game. And I could not just be a silent spectator. I was aware of your pain, hurt… And I knew about my own insecurities, the habit of loneliness, of being by myself. I couldn’t hurry myself; or you. But I knew I had to take a step. May be those nosy and guilty people had a point. And I tried. But like every other time earlier, Rohan just had to come in. This afternoon… And push you away. Scare you away from me… Why Rupali? Why?”

Fatigue and drinks took over him and he almost fell down on his bed while asking her “Why” again and again. She saw his eyes closing through her tears. She adjusted him on the bed as best as she could. Then found a shawl large enough to cover him. She tip-toed out of his room, trying hard to get her emotions in control.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 22)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The driver of the hired cab was very jovial and talkative. He took them to be tourists and kept barraging them with information about various tourist places on the way. When there was no specific tourist spot to be shown, he still kept them entertained and busy with the local folk tales, stories of his driving adventures and other anecdotes. But the result of his volubility and constant chatter was that they didn’t get to talk to each other at all. By the time they reached the venue, the convention had already started. At lunch time Paritosh asked Rupali to step out. “I need to talk to you,” he said.

“What happened?”

“Rupali. About last night…”

She didn’t react and waited for him to continue.

“Actually about everything. I don’t know how I make you feel. My behavior is not always consistent. Do I make you feel uncomfortable?”

She stood agape. Where did that suddenly come from? “Why Dr. Khanna? Why are you asking that? And now?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I have slept enough. But you do confuse me.”

“I confuse myself Rupali.”

“Dr. Khanna. If you want me to talk, can I say something?”

“Sure.”

“If I am presuming things, then it’s fine. But if not, you need to move on. And not just from her,” she was referring to Chand and Paritosh understood, “From me too.”

“Rupali,” he sounded hurt, “Speak for yourself…”

“Rupa,” suddenly a familiar voice attracted their attention.

Both of them were startled and Rupali turned pale on seeing Rohan there. As an automatic reaction, Paritosh moved towards Rohan and gently pushed Rupali so that he was almost between them. “What are you doing here?” he asked tersely.

But Rohan ignored him and addressed Rupali, “It is so good to see you, Rupa. After so long. I have been shifted out of the facility and now in OPD care. I have been dying to see you…”

“I don’t want to know anything about you,” she said and made to leave.

“Wait Rupa. Please don’t run away from me. I have been thinking about you so much… I think of pediatrics and I think of you. That’s why I came here. I didn’t even know you would be here…”

“That’s enough,” Paritosh stopped him, held Rupali’s hands and took her away.

“Rupali…”

“Don’t ask me if I am fine Dr. Khanna. I am not and I will never be. Stop wasting your time and you life on me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rupali.”

“Same to you. I need to go to the restroom.” She walked away. Paritosh looked on helplessly. Then he looked around anxiously. Where was Rohan? How much had he really recovered? From the way Mr. Moitra had talked of him last time, it didn’t look like he’d be stable for a long time. And if he had recovered, what effect seeing Rupali and Paritosh would have on him?

—

Rupali was relieved to find the women’s restroom empty. She let go of herself and sobbed piteously. What was she to do with herself? With Dr. Khanna? With the world? Why was she even alive? He had talked about suicidal thoughts yesterday. He apparently had them. She had them too. But somehow, even amidst the miseries of life, the physical pain scared her. That was the only reason she had not committed suicide. Probably she could use some painless drug from the hospital’s store. But…

She heard the sound of the restroom door opening. But before she could find tissues to wipe her tears, or get inside one of the stalls, she heard a click. Someone had locked it from inside. Startled, she looked up. And the dread she had felt when Rohan had pointed a pistol at her came back. So did the feeling of hopelessness that had been her companion through years of abuse at his hands. It was Rohan. Guarding a locked door. Looking mad. He was mad!!

“What are you doing here? This is women’s restroom,” she tried to be in control.

“You always insult me before him. Why?”

“Rohan. It’s not about him. Please… You must leave. What will people think if…”

“I have missed you, Rupa.”

“Rohan please…”

He closed in on her and pinned her violently against the wall without giving her any chance to escape.

“Hel…” Her cries were muffled as he pressed his palm against his mouth. His strength took Rupali by surprise. Even with only hand, he managed to not let her escape. She managed to bite his palm and yell once, although he immediately overpowered her.

A knock came on the door. Somebody had heard her. “Who is it?” It was a woman’s voice. Somebody had heard her. While Rohan was distracted, Rupali managed to shout for help once again.

“You will die at my hands,” he hissed.

“Somebody is stuck in the bathroom,” Rupali heard it even as Rohan’s hand tightened around her neck and she panicked for her life.

“Rupali…” Dr. Khanna! Banging on the door… “Hey. Get away from her…” Someone shouting from the top… the ventilator… Bang… No… it was thud… Were they breaking the door…

The next few minutes – or were they seconds – were a blur. She knew she was going to die. Or was she already dead? No… she must be alive. She was extremely uncomfortable… This can not be death…

“Rupali!” Paritosh shouted as he ran towards her. He looked as mad as Rohan. And madness must bring some strength in people. Rohan had been able to subdue her way too easily. And Paritosh was able to push Rohan away like he was a piece of paper. The world was spinning around her. But she saw those cufflinks as one of his hands went around her head. His other hand held her at waist. He did not let her fall. She was able to breathe now… She will be saved… “Stay with me… Rupali… Breathe… Slowly… Clear the space… Take the bastard away… He is mad…” Yes… she could breathe. She could feel him, see him. “Dr. Khanna.” Yes. She could speak. She wasn’t dead. She wasn’t going to die.

And then… It was all too overwhelming. She didn’t know what to do. She started crying. She was crying before the door had been locked. She cried again…

“Dr. Khanna. I have a room in the hotel. I think you should take her there,” it was an elderly lady.

“Thank you, Dr. Biswas,” he took the keys, “Please take my phone. Call Mr. Sabyasachi Moitra. Ask him about his son’s psychiatrist and hand him over to his doctor.”

“Sure.”

He led Rupali out. She leaned on him and continued crying.

—

To be continued.

Destined (Part 21)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The play was about a painter, who was so engrossed in his art that worldly cares meant nothing to him. He died over his half-finished painting, penniless. After his death, however, his paintings became a rage. The half-finished one sold for crores of rupees.

“What are you thinking?” Paritosh asked while coming back.

“Is it possible to love something so much… Even if it is your art…”

Paritosh laughed, “I don’t know. I have never done that… Though I would love to.”

“People talk about finding peace and contentment in art – of different kinds – painting, singing, dancing, even writing… I wonder if that is possible.”

“I probably won’t die over a half-finished surgery, but I do think I find peace and contentment in my profession. This profession is also like an art…”

Rupali looked surprised at the comparison, “I never thought of it like that.”

Paritosh smiled, “They create paintings, songs, dance performances… We create health, smile, joy, comfort… So, why not?”

“You are right, as usual, of course,” she smiled sweetly and appreciatively.

“If you treat me like some sort of God, I might even go ahead and say that we create life,” Paritosh grinned, drawing a chuckle even from Rupali.

“Where are we going?” she asked when she realized that he did not take the turn towards her home.

“I will drop you later. First we are going to my house. I want to show you something.”

“Is it what you had promised to show me during coffee the other day?”

“Yes.”

Paritosh led her to a room which has obviously not been in use for a while when they reached his home.”Oh my God!” Rupali could not help exclaim. He had just uncovered a beautiful, huge painting of Victoria Memorial and its surroundings. “It’s yours?” she asked obviously awed.

“It has been years…”

“I am no art critic, Dr. Khanna. But this is beautiful. And all these are also your paintings?” she pointed at other covered canvases.

“Yeah,” he looked around wistfully.

“Wow. When did you get time to do all these?”

He chuckled, “Those days we didn’t have Internet to waste our free time on.”

Rupali uncovered a few more of the canvasses. There were paintings of various places in the city, some landmarks, some just slice of life paintings. Then she came across a portrait of an elderly man.

“That’s Daar ji,” Paritosh explained.

“You did portraits too?”

“Not often. Only for people whose memories I wanted to preserve.”

“Daar ji posed for you?”

Paritosh smiled fondly, “He wouldn’t hear a word of it. I did portraits from memory.”

“You don’t paint any longer?”

“Like I said, it has been years.”

“Why did you stop?”

He just shrugged in reply. Rupali moved to different corner of the room.

“No Rupali….” Paritosh tried to stop her from uncovering the canvas lying there, but it was too late. Rupali realized immediately why he was stopping her. It was a portrait of Chand. Half-finished.

“I… I am sorry… I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Her guilty apology surprised him, “No. What the… There is nothing to feel guilty about.”

She smiled nervously, “You should resume painting…”

He looked at her for a moment. Then replied looking thoughtful, “I probably will.”

—

“Are you on duty this Sunday?” Paritosh asked her. They were having breakfast at his place after a night duty. Their duty timings coincided more often than usual these days. Rupali wondered if that was pure coincidence. He had been extra attentive to her as well. He spent a lot of his free time with her. She liked it. She liked it more than she should have liked. But what was it on his part? Care? Friendship? Or was he also thinking what everyone else did? Kaku, Radha, Kakima, Chand…

“Rupali?” he had to call her to bring her out of her thoughts.

“Uh? Sorry… Did you say something?”

“Where are you lost?”

“Nowhere. I didn’t manage my day well yesterday. Am really sleepy after the night duty.”

“Hmm…”

“What were you saying?”

“I asked if you were on duty this Sunday?”

“Umm… no. I had a weekend duty last time.”

“That’s great then. You can come to the convention then?”

“Convention?”

“Regional Pediatrics Convention. It is scheduled for the weekend in Darjeeling. I can’t take off on Saturday. But we could go for Sunday’s sessions. Will have to take a train on Saturday night. Some very good speakers are lined up…”

“Darjeeling?” Rupali did not seem to have heard any other word in what he said.

“What about Darjeeling?”

She smiled, “Mummy & Papa had met in Darjeeling. He taught in her school.”

That made Paritosh smile too, “You haven’t been there before?”

“It’s so close. But no… Somehow I have never been there.”

“Then you must come.”

Rupali suppressed the questions that were bugging her. What was it all on Paritosh’ part? She had an irrational hope. That she would find some peace in Darjeeling.

—

Paritosh took the upper berth on the second AC coach of the train. He seemed fast asleep, but Rupali was unable to sleep. It was one of those days, when she would curl up on her bed and cry the entire night. Not quite knowing why she was crying. But she couldn’t cry in the train. It would wake not only Paritosh up, but also other co-passengers. She was restless. Finally she could not hold herself any longer. She got down from the berth and walked towards the restroom. The attendant of the AC coaches was not there. She was thankful. She let her tears go, thought she bit her lips to avoid making any sound. After a while it was not enough. She was still suffocating. She gingerly walked towards the door of the coach and opened it. Hopefully the cold, night wind will soothe her. She stood there for several minutes, when she suddenly felt a pull on her shoulders. She was pulled back by someone urgently and violently. Her throat was sore from crying, and no sound escaped her, although she was startled and scared.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” she heard his angry voice. It was Paritosh. Oh God! Why was he angry? He took his hands off her shoulders and quickly locked the door back. “Are you out of your mind?” he was still shouting at her. Why? Oh! It suddenly occurred to her.

She coughed and finally found her voice, “Don’t shout at me. I wasn’t jumping off.” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She was startled out of crying. Though that strange sadness which engulfed her from time to time, even amidst best times of her life, refused to leave her.

Paritosh sighed heavily. Then spoke very softly, “Why are you crying?”

She didn’t reply. She didn’t know.

“Does it happen very often?”

Should she lie and put him at ease? Friendship didn’t mean he had to deal with her mess. But she didn’t lie. She nodded in reply.

“I’m sorry. I was scared out of my wits, when I saw you at the door… Of a moving train.”

She gulped and did not reply.

“You probably want to be alone,” he added, “But it is not a good idea. If you don’t want to go back yet, let me stay here.”

“But I don’t know why I was crying. It wasn’t Rohan, or my past or…”

“I’m not asking you the reason. I understand.”

“You do? How?”

He sighed, “I have been through this Rupali. Depression, suicidal thoughts. It still comes back sometimes.”

She smiled sadly, “You are saying this just to make me feel better.”

“No,” his reply was unhesitant and firm, “I’m telling you the truth.”

“What do you do when that happens?”

“I get help.”

“How?”

“Want to guess?”

“Oh! Dr. Mathew?”

He nodded, then asked “You haven’t seen him yet, have you?”

She shook her head, expecting a rebuke.

“Are you better now? You want to go inside?” He completely changed the subject, catching her unawares.

“Uh? Yes – I guess. I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Disturbing your sleep. And… not taking your advice.”

“Rupali. You don’t need to apologize to me. I had guessed you hadn’t taken an appointment yet. But I won’t pester you. There is no magic about a psychiatrist. Things take time to get better. If you are not ready, and don’t cooperate, it isn’t going to work.”

“I give you too much grief, too much worry, don’t I?”

“If you must take the conversation in that direction Dr. Rupali Banerjee. Then listen to me carefully. You give me a lot of hope – of surviving through difficulty, a lot of joy and a sense of purpose.”

The chill that ran down her spine was nothing like what she had felt earlier in her life. It wasn’t the chill of scare. She looked at him in astonishment and then quickly averted her eyes. She walked back to her berth quietly. Paritosh did not climb back on his berth. “Lie down,” he asked her gently. After she did, he sat down on the edge of the berth. “Close your eyes and try to sleep. We have a long day ahead.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She did manage to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

When she woke up in the morning, Paritosh was still sitting on the edge of her berth, leaning back on the coach wall and had fallen asleep. She carefully pulled her legs towards herself and sat up without disturbing him. She looked out. The train was halted. She read the name of the station. They were only two stations and half-an-hour away from New Jalpaiguri station. From there, they would take a hired car to Darjeeling. She got down and went to the bathroom. She would wake him up after coming back.

She met with a harried Paritosh on her way back. He looked relieved, then embarrassed on seeing her. She realized that he was worried again and smiled, “I am fine Dr. Khanna. I just thought I would let you sleep for a while more.”

“Of course,” he grinned, “I was… I guess I am still sleepy. I will go and freshen up.”

“Sure.”

—

To be continued.

Destined (Part 20)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“So, finally the discharge?” Rupali asked Chand with a smile.

“Yes, I guess it is a happy day.”

“Of course, it is. Are you unsure about it?”

“No Dr. Banerjee. Thanks a lot for everything.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Rupali chuckled nervously. “I take no responsibility whatsoever of your health,” she added with humour.

“For treating my daughters, first of all…”

“I was only doing my duty.”

“And for spending so much of time with me.”

“Well…” Rupali tried to shrug it off, “I was just filling in for Dr. Khanna.”

“Yes. And I wish you would continue doing that for him. Even if he doesn’t ask. Like in this case.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dr. Banerjee. You are not such a smooth liar,” Chand smiled, “Paritosh didn’t ask you to do this extra duty. But thanks a lot for doing that. It meant a lot to me.”

Rupali bit her lips and tried to change the subject, “I should get going. My break is over.”

“Rupali. Just couple of more minutes…”

“Yeah. Sure…” Rupali was uncomfortable, but she didn’t have an option.

“You know about us, right? Me and Paritosh.”

Rupali gulped and nodded.

“Not many people do…”

“I… I am sorry,” Rupali said awkwardly, “But it’s… the information safe with me.”

“No. No. That doesn’t matter. Not any longer. His silence was to keep my marriage safe. But it takes more than that to save a marriage. It doesn’t matter any longer if the entire world knows.”

Does she want to get back? Rupali wondered. But from what Paritosh had said, it didn’t look like an idea he welcomed. But it might just have been his self-defense. He might just…

“This might be the time to pick up from where you left…” Rupali suggested in an almost quivering voice, though she had a smile on her face.

“What? No. Oh my God!”

“I… I am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend…”

Chand laughed out loud at that, “I have been insensitive to him, Rupali. But no. I am not that selfish. He is too nice a person. If I were to ask for it, he’d not shirk my responsibility. But that won’t be fair. That won’t be right. The time is long gone. I have made my life pitiable. But I won’t be able to take his pity. That is not the reason I asked you if you knew about us.”

“Then?”

“The fact that you knew about us tells me that you are special… to him. He trusts you… With his deepest secrets.”

Rupali looked at her surprised. “You give me too much credit,” she said nervously.

“Too little probably. Definitely not too much. By the way, I wouldn’t have brought this up, if I hadn’t thought that he was special to you too. That was the reason you were filling in for him. Even when he didn’t ask you to.”

“What do you want to say?” Rupali sighed in resignation. People won’t leave her alone. But she probably deserved this for spending time with Chand. What was she thinking?

“I want to make a selfish request. Because I feel guilty about him, Rupali. He never moved on. Help him move on. It will make both of you happy. And me too, of course.”

Rupal’s lips twisted in a condescending smile, “Why can’t you get back to him?”

“Like I said Rupali, that time is long gone. My life is about my daughters now. How fair it would be saddle him with my responsibilities and the mess of my life?”

“And what makes you think that my life is not a mess? You have no clue how damaged I am. Probably he has this magical ability to attract messed up women like us to him. That’s why he is unable to move on. His bad luck. But as much as I wish, I am not the answer to his loneliness. He deserves better. Than both of us.”

“Rupali. You…”

“I really should get going Ma’am. Congratulations on getting well. And all the best for your daughters. They are wonderful kids. Take care. Good Bye.”

She turned around to leave, only to find Paritosh at the door. Holy cow! What all had he heard?

“What is going on ladies?” he asked cheerfully. A bit too cheerfully, Rupali thought. But it might be her flustered state of mind.

At least it meant he hadn’t heard anything.

“I just came to meet her once before she is discharged,” Rupali replied. Simultaneously, she look at Chand pleading silently to not talk to Paritosh about it. Chand nodded almost indiscernibly at her.

“I need to go. Bye Ma’am. Bye Dr. Khanna,” Rupali turned on her heels and left. Paritosh looked after her for a moment, then turned back to Chand with a smile.

—

“Free for some coffee?” Paritosh sent her an SMS just as she was leaving after her duty. It was odd. Somehow, she did not associate SMS communication with him.

She called him back, “Did you send an SMS?”

“It was my number, wasn’t it?” he sounded amused.

“Of course,” Rupali felt foolish about her question, “Are you in the office?”

Paritosh laughed out loud, “Your are asking me so many questions in reply to my one innocuous question. Yes. I am in the office. Now can I get my answer?”

“Uh… Yeah… Sure… I have nothing to do in particular.”

“Great then. Let’s meet in the parking lot.”

“What do you normally do in your free time, Rupali?” he asked as they drove to a cafe.

“I read…”

“Ah! And not play or listen to classical music like good Bengalis?”

Rupali chuckled, “No. I am half-punjabi, remember?”

“Of course.”

“Why do you ask? Are you into classical music?”

“Oh no. Not at all. Daar ji was a total business man. Nothing of that kind at home. About studies, however, he was as bad as a Bengali parent.”

Rupali smiled, “So, what do you do in your free time?”

“Haven’t done anything in many years now…”

“Why so? What did you used to do earlier?”

“I will show you sometime…” he smiled wistfully.

“Okay…” she was curious, but could not insist.

They reached the cafe and ordered their coffee. Then Paritosh asked her, “Would you like to watch a play this friday?”

She was awkward, “Do you like watching plays?”

“I do. But I prefer watching when I have company.”

“Hmm… If my company works, then sure…”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 19)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali was trying hard to concentrate on her work in the ward. “In that case, if I ask you to take care of her, it won’t be a burden for you, will it?” Sabyasachi’s words wouldn’t leave her and they were making her go red in embarrassment. For the first time, she felt a surge of anger for him. How could he? How could he practically beg to Dr. Khanna like that for her? It didn’t work for her self-respect. And it did not work for how much she cared about Paritosh’ well being. She had been listening to their conversation standing outside his office. She shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t help. Her Kaku and Dr. Khanna were having a personal conversation. It had to be about her! She cringed as it went on. And finally after that moment of begging by Sabyasachi, she had to run away. She understood Sabyasachi’s desire, even a need, to do something for her. To compensate. But he wasn’t helping this way. He should just leave her alone. And Dr. Khanna too. He has already done so much for her… Thrusting her responsibility on him officially would be the last thing she wanted to happen.

“Next tablet at 3 pm please sister,” she deliberately jerked herself out of her thoughts and concentrated on the patient chart she was looking at.

“Sure Dr. Banerjee,” came nurse’s brisk reply.

Ah! The professional conversation. It was comfortable, familiar and there was nothing awkward about it. That is what she would think about. The work! Otherwise, the world was ready to drive her mad. As if she already didn’t have enough to… Concentrate Rupali, concentrate. Next patient…

—

Paritosh was in the lobby when Rupali came out after finishing her duty to sign in the duty register.

“Good evening, Sir,” she greeted him in a calm voice, although she was dreading meeting him. She had managed to avoid it all day. But for how long?

“Good evening, Rupali. You are done?”

“Yeah.”

“I was also about to leave. I can drop you home.”

Rupali sighed. So, the begging was bearing fruits already.

“I am not going home,” she lied.

“Where are you going?”

She had spoken without thinking. Now, she had to think on her feet again. “To see Dr. Mathew,” she spoke and then regretted that too.

“You already got an appointment? I thought his clinic was quite busy.”

Damn! He would find out.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I can drop you there. I had to meet my CA anyway. Some of the business papers need my signature. He lives in that part of the town. Come with me.”

Rupali followed him feeling out of her wits. This was ridiculous. She finally confessed when he pulled out of the hospital parking lot, “Dr. Khanna. I don’t have an appointment. You can drop me home.”

He didn’t look surprised, “And my CA doesn’t live there. Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t want to bother you with this dropping me home business, that’s all.”

“Rupali. I am not as wise, rational, strong as you make me to be. If you push me away this strongly, I will not be able to hold my position. I will go away. Because at the very least, I wouldn’t like to do to you what Rohan did. I wouldn’t like to impose on you, to suffocate you…”

“Please don’t compare yourself to Rohan. It is an injustice to you, and to my ability to discern.”

“All I want to say Rupali is that… I would like it if you let me stay around.”

“I can’t Dr. Khanna,” her eyes were glued to her lap and she was biting her lips.

The disappointment and rejection made Paritosh flush. But he asked calmly, “Can I ask why?”

“I feel like a broken tape recorder, but still… I can’t let you stay and fuss over me or worry about me because… well you see what I am. A messed up person. And is it a surprise that I don’t want anyone else saddled with my mess? Much less someone I really respect and adore…” she stopped. She would reveal more than she intended to.

“There is… Okay look,” he pulled over on finding some space where he could park the car for a while. A moving car wasn’t the best place to have such a conversation, “Where is the mess Rupali? It is all behind you. Rohan is out of your life. His parents don’t grudge you. They, in fact, care for you. There is no mess. Not any longer. You are out of it.”

“If there is no mess, why does anyone need to worry about me? Why do I have to… see a psychiatrist…”

“Your logic would do a great disservice to your own profession Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh smiled amusedly, “Someone falls ill. He needs the help of a doctor. Sometimes it could be a condition long in existence, which did not get detected or got ignored earlier. Would you say that his life is in a mess, his family should not be by his side, or that he should not be making friends or living his life?”

Rupali looked up at him in amazement. She spoke after a while in a low, deliberate tone, “You say things like those and you want me to believe that you are not wise, rational?”

Paritosh tensed a little, “Rupali. I have a messed up confession to make about that.”

She looked at him questioningly.

“When you say that, you make me nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Yes. Nervous. Don’t get me wrong Rupali. There is nothing messed up about you or your life now. But history can not be wiped off. Your faith has been tried too many times. People have failed you. And I feel scared that I might end up doing that too. I feel particularly scared when you say things like those… It’s like you have such high expectations from me. It’s so easy to fall from the pedestal, Rupali.”

She stared wide-eyed at him. As the meaning of what he said dawned on her, she shook her head in part disbelief, part amusement. Then she spoke sincerely, “This is so unexpected. I had no idea I was worrying you for that. I am so sorry Dr. Khanna. Seriously. Please don’t take my appreciation to mean that you have to be on high-alert all the time.”

Paritosh let out a sigh. He had been holding his breath. “See, things are that simple. Sometimes you just have to talk and it all falls in place. Can we both not learn from it?”

Rupali nodded and smiled.

“So without any complexes, complications, issues, can we be friends?” he held his hand out to her.

She noticed the cuff-links. The helping hands have managed to reach her again, to be her strength, to be her support. She didn’t know what future held for her, or for him. But right now she was happy to reciprocate. She met his hand with hers. No complexes, no complications, no issues. Friends!

—

To be continued