The Loss
Their baby! He had a connection with the baby even when he did not know of its existence. Everytime he had saved Geet, he had saved the baby too. In the twisted ways of the fate, the baby had become the reason why Geet had come to his life. Even if he had not developed any other feelings for the baby, he would have given it his life for this one favour! He had hated Geet when he first came to know of its existence; at least he thought so. But even then, he had felt a sense of responsibility towards the baby. He had not been able to leave Geet when she was pregnant. He had scolded her everytime she ignored her pregnancy and acted childishly. When he had accepted her in his life with her past, he had assumed the responsibility of the baby. He was doing it for Geet’s sake and he did not realize when the sense of responsibility had turned into care and then immense love. He did not realize when he had started looking forward to the baby’s arrival in their lives, not just for Geet’s happiness, but for his own as well. He did not realize how, but all of this had happened. He had started feeling enthusiastic about becoming a father. And finally he was happy with his life, with his small family.
And then the accident happened. He was heart-broken. He had never felt this helpless in his entire life. He wasn’t sure what was tearing him apart more. His own grief or Geet’s heart-breaking pleas to bring her baby back! At that moment, they had cried in each other’s arms.
But later…
He looked up to see Geet standing in the balcony. His Geet! He felt like he not only had lost his baby, but he was also losing Geet. She was completely oblivious to her surroundings. Even to him. His presence did not affect her any longer. He remembered the time when she would sense his presence in the house even from far. The time when she had come running to him after his return from Chandigarh, not caring about her dupatta that had caught fire. The time when simply by going close to her, he would have her weak in her knees. Now she walked past him as if he did not exist.
If there was one thing which could have helped him come out of the grief the baby’s loss had brought, it was Geet’s chatter. If only she would talk to him. He would have happily listened to anything she said; if only she would talk. But he was not able to do anything to make her talk. She had talked to him properly only once. When he had tried to clear up the things from the baby-room he had decorated so enthusiastically. She had accused him of trying to take away baby’s memories from her, which was all she was left with. How hurt had he felt! But what could he do? Whom could he blame? Definitely not Geet, who had become practically lifeless. He could not be mean to her. He had been a witness of her struggles for the baby. He had understood that the baby was more important to her than even himself and he had accepted it. But what was he to do now? For her, for himself? He was in a double whammy. The loss of the baby had hurt him deeply. And seeing Geet like this was tearing him apart. In trying to give strength to Geet, he was not able to even grieve for the baby openly. There was no respite for him.
He shuddered as the thought occured to him once again – he was losing Geet too. He was losing his most precious possession. Life was slipping out his hands like sand.
—
“Khana kha lo Geet. Tumne breakfast bhi nahin kiya tha.”
She just pushed the plate away and got up to leave.
“Ruko Geet. Meri baat to suno.”
She had barely eaten one chapati since yesterday. She was already weak after the accident. This way she would kill herself.
The thought made him shiver again. Where had she gone? She had to eat, even if that meant him force-feeding her. He decided to go and look for her.
She was wandering in the garden. From a distance, he saw Dev approaching her. This had him worried. He did not want to shout from there, lest it disturbed her. He walked faster, but Dev was already talking to her by the time he reached there. He overheard him, “Geet. Main tumhara dukh samajh sakta hoon. Woh mera bhi bachcha tha…”
“Dev,” Geet shouted at him with such force in her voice that not only Dev, but Maan was also scared for a moment, “Agar tumne dubara mere bachche ke saath apna naam liya to main tumhara khoon kar daaloongi. Bhool ke bhi aisi galti mat karna.”
She was trembling in anger. Her eyes looked mad and murderous. She looked like she’d actually make good of her promise of killing Dev. Dev silently retreated as Maan went to her and held her.
Without saying anything, he directed her towards the mansion and she complied silently. There was something in her violent demeanour that troubled Maan. His instincts were warning him. Geet was not fine at all. He managed to feed her one chapati, but she would eat no more. That should give her some energy at least, he told himself. He asked her to take rest and went out on the terrace to clear his mind.
—
Annie saw him going to the terrace and just then she spotted Dadi Ma.
“Dadi. Aapko nahin lagta hai ki Geet ke miscarriage se na sirf dono log dukhi hain, balki unka rishta bhi bikharta ja raha hai? Geet ko to jaise pata hi nahin hai ki Maan bhai uske aas paas hain. Aur Bhai bhi apne man ki baat kar nahin pa rahe hain. Aapko nahin lagta ki hamein Geet se, ya un dono se baat karni chahiye?”
“Annie beta. Aapki baat to sahi hai. Ye bahut hi mushkil daur hai inke liye. Lekin beta, humne it dono ko shuru se dekha hai. Jab ye log ek-doosre ke liye apne ahsaason ko maanne ke liye bhi taiyaar nahin the, tab bhi ek doosre ki kitni fikr karte the, ye hamein pata hai. Bahar se dekhne mein chahe jaisa lage ki ye hamesha jhagad rahe hain, ya ek-doosre se baat nahin kar rahe hain, lekin inke beech mein kissi bhi teesre insaan ke liye jagah nahin hai. Hamare ya aapke liye bhi nahin.”
“Lekin Dadi, abhi kuchh zyada bura waqt nahin hai?”
“Ham jaante hai Annie ki aap kya kah rahi hain. Lekin hamara yakeen maaniye. Ye jab jhagadte hain, to isliye kyonki ek doosre ki awaaz sune bina rah nahin sakte. Ye agar chup rahte hain to bhi ek-doosre ki khamoshi padh lete hain. Inke rishte ke har utaar-chadhao ko inhone khud hi suljhaya hai. Abhi bhi bas ek doosre ki hi baat samjhenge. Kissi aur ke kiye kuchh hoga bhi nahin. Rishte to humne apni zindagi mein bahut dekhe hain beta, lekin inke beech kuchh alag hai, kuchh bahut gahra hai, jise aam taur par log samajh bhi nahin sakte. Kabhi kabhi to hamein bura bhi lagta hai, lekin aapne bhi to dekha hai na ki Maan ko Geet ke saamne kuchh aur nazar nahin aata hai. Hum bhi nahin. Aur Geet bhi Maan ke liye kuchh bhi kar sakti hain. Maan ki kaisi kadwi baatein jheli hain inhone ek samay par. Inka pyaar, nafrat, khushi, gham sab kuchh ek doosre se jude hue hain.”
“Theek hai Dadi. Jaisa aap theek samjhein. ”
—
When Maan came back from the terrace Geet was not in the room. He wasn’t sure why, but he panicked. He checked the bathroom and the balcony. She was not there. He rushed out of the room. He saw Nakul going down the corridor.
“Nakul, tumne Geet ko kahin dekha hai?”
“Bas abhi-abhi kitchen ki or gayi hain.”
“Kitchen?” She hadn’t shown interest in anything, including kitchen and cooking, since the accident happened. Why to the kitchen suddenly? Water was already there in the room.
Maan spotted her as soon as he reached the kitchen door. He was horrified and cried out, “Geet!”
Geet looked up to him. Her eyes, which always spoke to him, were strangely empty. She was holding a meat knife close to her wrist. A single wrong movement and she would have harmed herself.
“Ruk jao Geet. Tumhein chot lag jayegi.”
“Maan! Mere paas mat aayiye. Mujhe mat rokiye aap.”
“Kya kar rahi ho Geet tum?”
“Main apne bachche ke liye jee rahi thi. Ab mujhe nahin jeena hai. Mere paas mat aayiyega Maan. Mujhe rokiyeha mat.”
Her face showed a madness that scared Maan.
But he realized the gravity of the situation and forced himself to think with his mind and not heart.
He suddenly said, “Dadi Ma. Aap yahan?”
Geet got confused because he was looking past her towards the kitchen shelves. How could Dadi Ma be there? She looked back instinctively and Maan used this opportunity to jump towards her, grab the knife and throw it away. He held her tightly lest she took the knife back and harmed herself.
When she realized what had happened, she started struggling in Maan’s grip, “Chhodiye mujhe Maan. Mujhe zinda nahin rahna hai. Mujhse meri zindagi bardasht nahin hoti hai…”
“To pahle mujhe maar daalo Geet. Agar tumhein kuchh hua to kya main zinda rah paunga? Pahle mujhe mar jaane do,” Maan cried.
The mention of Maan dying gave a jolt to Geet. She stopped struggling and looked up at him horrified. Her eyes were no longer empty; they showed immense pain. Pain at the loss she had already suffered. Pain at the potential loss of Maan, that he had just told her about.
Maan felt exhausted and he kneeled on the floor in desperation while holding Geet’s hands, “Geet. Main jaanta hoon ki maine apna waada toda hai. Hamare bachche ko main nahin bacha paya Geet. Mujhe tumhein chhod kar nahin jaana chahiye tha. Mujhse bahut badi galti ho gayi. Aur iske liye tum mujhe kuchh bhi sazaa de sakti ho. Lekin Geet – agar khud ko mujhse door karne ki sazaa dogi to main bardasht nahin kar paunga. Itni badi sazaa mat do Geet. Mera saath mat chhodo. Maine apne bachche ko kho diya hai. Ab agar tum bhi mere saath nahin rahogi to main kaise jee paunga?” His voice was sad and he looked defeated.
Geet did not say anything, but her tear-filled eyes told him that she understood him, finally! He got up, held her by shoulders and took her towards their room. She leaned on him slightly and he tightened his grip around her.
Annie noticed them together in the corridor and smiled.
—
Geet woke up in the middle of the night to find Maan awake. He was watching her.
“Kya hua Geet?” He asked all worried.
“Kuchh nahin. Bas pyaas lagi thi.”
“Oh!” He poured water for her.
After drinking the water, she asked, “Aap soye nahin Maan? Raat ke do baj rahe hain.”
“Haan. Woh Geet – main soya tha. Lekin achanak neend khul gayi.”
She knew he was lying. She thought for a moment and said, “I am sorry Maan. Maine aapko bahut pareshaan kiya. Mujhe pata hai ki aap dar gaye hain ki main phir se… I am really sorry. Main apne dukh mein itna doob gayi ki aapki tadap dekh hi nahin paayi. Main…” she started crying. She had understood Maan and had realized that she was being unfair to him. But her heart was still bleeding for her baby and she could not hold back. Maan did not try to stop her from crying. Just hugged her and few drops of tears escaped his eyes too. They couldn’t have wished away their grief. They could not have stopped themselves from crying. But they could at least do it togeher, in each other’s arms. And then one day they would be strong again!
– The End –