Tag: Parent

Destined (Part 12)

Posted Mish8 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali sat on the bed with her knees drawn close to her chin, her hands around them, and her head buried in them. Her sobs were quieter now, but she was still not calm.

“Rupali,” he called her name and touched her shoulder gently. That startled her so much that she let out a shriek.

“I am sorry… I am sorry…” Paritosh stepped back, “It’s just me. I am sorry, I scared you.”

She controlled her sobs and wiped her tears. Then she got down from the bed. “I am sorry. This… this mess is not yours to deal with. I should leave…”

“And how do you plan to deal with this mess?”

“I don’t know. But…”

“There are some pretty sickening things in the world Rupali. You are a doctor yourself and you know that. And I don’t mean physical sickness. Some things are so sickening that we might wonder how the world goes on despite them. And yet – the world does go on. Do you know why? Because there are good things in the world too. Sometimes they do not come to us on their own though. We have to stretch our hands out for them. We have to let them know that we want them. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“No. I don’t,” she tried to speak dryly, but her voice quivered giving away her emotional turmoil.

“Yes. You do. Stop running away from it. If you have suffered abuse, you need to talk. If the perpetrator is Rohan, his parents need to know… He needs to be punished…”

Rupali stiffened and then went rigid. Paritosh let the silence prevail there in the hope that it would force her to talk.

“I must leave,” she quashed his hope when she did speak finally.

“Are you scared of me too?”

“What? No!”

“And can you trust me when I say that I can never harm you?”

Rupali looked embarrassed. “Of course,” she said in a small voice.

“Then you have to stop running away from your problems, Rupali. Please.”

“I… I am so tired of even thinking about a solution that… How thankless did I sound when after depending on her all my life, I complained to her about her own son… And if she understood what I said, how would she be feeling now…”

“Whatever her son is, you have not made him that way… Someday or the other she has to face the reality…”

“It’s not fair Dr. Khanna… Why do I have to carry that bad news…”

“It’s not fair at all that you are the victim and you are the one who is feeling guilty. You are the victim. You understand that, don’t you?”

“He always tried to convince me that I wanted this… And that this was how it was supposed to be… He was so clever that I never had a reply… And yet… I always felt so…” she stopped.

“Scared?” he prompted.

“Dirty and ashamed…” her face twisted reflecting her mental agony.

“And that’s why you never told anyone?”

“I was scared too… He told me that if I spoke about it, I’d be thrown out of the house… And I knew that they were not my parents, but his… I was scared of being left alone… I was weak…”

“No. No. You were just young. It shouldn’t have happened…. It was just wrong that it happened to you…”

“I should have done something… But I could never make up my mind… And then…”

“Then?”

“When he announced that he… wanted to marry me… and everyone accepted… his behavior changed… He didn’t bother me like earlier.”

“But from what I have seen…”

“It… It wasn’t as bad as earlier…” she gulped hard and reddened in embarrassment.

Paritosh sighed. She had gotten so used to abuse that the little relief was enough for her to consider it a good situation to be in.

“I should have refused then, shouldn’t I? But… I was… First I was caught unawares… Then I was so relieved at him giving me some respite that… It felt too good… I sat back…”

“You were fine with marrying him…”

“I was relieved then… I wasn’t thinking about future…”

“And now?”

“I… I am terrified at the idea… But…”

“You didn’t know how to break the news to his parents? Well… you already have!”

“You think I did the right thing?”

“Will you take my advice?”

“If I can take any body’s… it will be you.”

“I want to ask, why?”

“They did more than what my parents could do for me… But they are not my parents… I am under their debt and… probably you understand that feeling.”

“I do. And I have told you earlier as well… You have to speak up. You have already done so… Just clarify and bring it all out in the open.”

“Will they believe me?”

“I don’t know. They sound like rational people. But it is their own son. So, they may not. However, now you don’t have to be scared of being thrown out. You are an adult, you can earn your livelihood, your grand-father has left enough for you to start your life afresh and you don’t have anything to feel guilty about. You have not done anything ungrateful towards your benefactors. But you couldn’t change what their son is. It’s not your fault.”

“You make it sound so easy…”

“Rupali,” he took a step towards her, but did not go too close. He would have liked to give her a tight hug to make her feel better, but after being told that she had suffered molestation since she was a child, that didn’t seem like an assuring thing to do. His voice was solemn, “I do not mean that your situation has been trivial all these years. I can’t even imagine how difficult life has been for you. When I make it sound easy today, it is meant for today only. In fact, I’m not saying that it is easy even today. In your situation… it is not. All I am saying is that it is doable today. So, do it.”

“Will you… come with me?” she asked with hesitation. She realized how confused her behaviour was around him. Sometimes she leaned on him, at other times she felt guilty about involving him. When Damyanti had come, she had asked him to stay, a while back she had told him that this mess was not his, and now again…she was asking him if he would come with her.

“I will,” he replied matter-of-factly.

How did he manage to bear her erratic behaviour with so much equanimity, she could not help wondering. But she did not say anything. Suddenly she noticed the time. “Oh God! I am late for the hospital… And so must be you…”

Paritosh chuckled, “You think you would not have received calls after calls, if that were the case. We are both off-duty today. I had informed the admin.”

“When?”

“Last night.”

“Oh!”

“If you are ready, we can go to Moitras’ place right away.”

“But… Rohan would be there.”

“Let me talk to them.”

—

To be continued

Regaining Trust (Part 4)

Posted Mish11 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

“Meri class mein sabke paas ipad hai. They keep doing FaceTime all the time,” Siddhi said on the breakfast table.

“You can do Facebook from my laptop, Siddhi.”

“Facebook nahin Di. FaceTime. It’s a video calling feature only on Apple products.”

“But we have a webcam. Aur school mein itna time bitane ke baad, tu phir unhi logon ke saath video chat karna chahti hai?” Nidhi tried to make a joke about her demand.

“Offo Di. You don’t understand. It’s… It’s not the webcam. FaceTime is… Well… iPad is cool. And everyone has it.”

“Okay. I will find out about it,” Nidhi said meekly because she did not want Siddhi to flare up again. This happened too often these days. Last time it was about some branded nail polish she wanted to buy. Before that about the different running and walking shoes from Nike that she needed. Each costed her above 7000 bucks. And now this iPad. Nidhi already knew the prices. She was only postponing the inevitable. She’d buy it for her eventually. And then try to compensate for it by taking buses instead of autos herself. Not that this kind of money could be saved by that. She hated digging into the savings. It was for Siddhi’s education. Nidhi had hoped that she’d run the house with her internship stipend and not spend any more savings on their daily needs after her MBBS was over. But Siddhi was growing, her needs were growing. The stipend was meagerly. Nidhi made some mental calculations. For iPad she will have to break another FD. Each FD was of one lac Rs. Around 40-45 thousands will be left after she bought the iPad. She would leave that in her savings account, instead of putting back in FD or any other investment. Some demand or the other will come up from Siddhi again. It was better to have some cash at hand. May be she should stop worrying about savings so much. After the internship was over, she’d be able to earn a decent salary. And it was only a year away. By the time Siddhi finished her 10th board exams, Nidhi should be settled well enough to support her further studies. But… But what if something went wrong… Saving were needed…. And yet an FD will have to be broken.

“Bye Di. Main ja rahi hoon. Aur aaj Natasha ke ghar party hai. So, don’t come to pick me up. I will be back later.” Oh yes! She had forgotten the 2000 Rs. spent on a gift for Natasha’s birthday. “She is my best friend Di. Uske liye mujhe kuchh to dhang ka khreedna padega. Kuchh uske standard ka,” Siddhi had argued.

But why was she grudging? It was her responsibility to make sure that Siddhi had everything she needed to be happy. She should not feel like an orphan. But the car… She wanted to be driven to her school in a car like other children. Not go in buses. But that was something Nidhi really couldn’t afford right now. After internship, with a better income she might be able to get a loan. But right now… May be she should not have disposed off that ill-fated car all those years ago… But a ten year old Maruti 800 would hardly have been Siddhi’s idea of a car that would match the tastes of her friends. Nidhi smiled despite her worries. Siddhi! How status-conscious she was! How naive and gullible. But she was only thirteen. She had the right to be gullible. She had the right to be pampered. That right won’t be snatched away from her. Never! She would not have to grow up sooner than needed.

—

“Dr. Nidhi? Aap abhi yahan hain? School nahin gayin, Siddhi ko pick karne?” Ashutosh was surprised to find Nidhi on the terrace during the lunch hour.

Nidhi was facing away from the door that connected the terrace to the hospital corridor and was startled by Ashutosh’ voice.

“Sorry. Maine aapko phir dara diya lagta hai,” Ashutosh said sheepishly seeing her turn with a start.

She smiled weakly, “Nahin. Main theek hoon. Siddhi ki friend ke yahan party hai. To aaj main nahin ja rahi hoon.”

“Lunch kar liya aapne.”

“Nahin. Thodee der baad karoongi.”

“Are jaiye. Abhi hi to sab log canteen mein honge.”

“Haan. Woh bahut crowded hai. Isliye…”

“Dr. Nidhi. Aap kabhi apne colleagues ke saath lunch nahin kar paati hain. This is the time…”

“Isliye to awkward hai, Sir…” she bit her lips as she realized that she had revealed something she did not want to. She had earned the reputation of aloofnes amongst her colleagues and now she was not comfortable having lunch with them in the canteen. She would have felt like an outsider. But what will Ashutosh think now. “I’m sorry, Sir. Mera woh matlab nahin tha…”

“Chaliye mere saath,” Ashutosh said thoughtfully.

Nidhi resignedly walked behind him expecting to be led to the canteen, but was surprised when he walked towards his cabin instead. What was this about? A private lecture on the need to socialize with colleages?

But she was in for another surprise.

“Hiraman Kaka dher saara khana bana dete hain roz. Hamesha wapas le jaana padta hai. I should have another plate somewhere… Ye rahi. Dekhiye. Aapki pasand ka kuchh hai ya nahin is dabbe mein…”

“Dr. Ashutosh. Isko zaroorat nahin hai. Aap… Main canteen mein kha loongi. Aap iske liye mujhe yahan laye the? Maine socha…”

“Sit down Dr. Nidhi. Ye chhoti-moti baatein kissi ki maan lene se koi farq nahin padega aapki independence par, trust me.”

Nidhi gave in and served herself some food. Ashutosh also got some for himself and they started eating.

“Waise aapne kya socha tha?” Ashutosh restarted the conversation.

“Ji?”

“Aap kah rahi thi na ki jab main aapko yahan laya to aapne socha… Kya socha?”

“Kuchh nahin.”

“Ye chhoti-moti baatein bata dena se bhi koi farq nahin padega Nidhi.”

Nidhi sighed, “Mujhe laga tha ki aap mujhe samjhane ki koshish karenge ki mujhe apne colleagues ke saath socialize karna chahiye and all that.”

Ashutosh smiled, “Dr. Nidhi. Hum sab apni job mein kuchh assumptions ke saath kaam karte hain. The twenty-two year olds, who walk in through the hospital gates every year, to start their professional careers… Unke baare mein bhi mere kuchh assumptions hote hain. Normally woh sahi bhi hote hain. Woh log mostly achchhe aur studious students rahe hote hain, but duniya nahin dekhi hoti, responsibilities nahin li hoti, real life ka idea nahin hota unhein. Un assumptions ke hisaab se main unhein train karne ko koshish karta hoon. Sirf medicine mein hi nahin, balki overall professional life mein. Lekin…”

“Lekin?” Ashutosh had Nidhi’s attention.

“Lekin jitna maine aapko jaana hai, itni chhoti si umra mein hi aapne itni responsibilities nibhayi hain ki mujhe pata nahin aapke oopar normal rules apply karna fair hai ya nahin? Balki woh aap par apply hote bhi hain ki nahin? Aapko already itne important faisle lene ki aadat hai khud ke liye ki main aapko decision-making nahin sikha sakta. Aapne apne faisle khud liye hain. Aur galtiyan nahin ki hain. Aur itna kuchh karne ke baad agar aap kabhi koi galti kar bhi dein, to woh aapka haq hai.”

Nidhi was staring at him in disbelief by the time he finished.She felt a lump in her throat. She could not swallow her food any longer. And if she tried to do anything at all, she was sure she’d cry. She kept her plate on the table and walked out, not heeding Ashutosh asking her to stop.

—

Ashutosh was confused about what to do for a minute. Then he decided to look for her. He found her on the terrace. Even though she was facing away from him and he was at a distance, it wasn’t difficult to make out that she was crying. He debated with himself about what to do. Go to her or leave her alone. He decided on the latter. She had run away from him to cry. He shouldn’t impose himself on her. He came back.

Knock came on his door about fifteen minutes later.

“Yes Dr. Nidhi?” Ashutosh spoke as if nothing had happened earlier.

She looked uncomfortable and flustered, “I am sorry, Sir. Woh meri joothi plate yahan padi thi.”

“Don’t worry. Clean karwa di hai maine.”

She nodded and made to leave.

“Nidhi,” he stopped her, got up from his chair and walked to her, “Do baatein. Pahli ye ki tumhari duty abhi mere saath hai. Ward no. 2 mein. Jaldbaazi ki koi zaroorat nahin hai. You didn’t have your lunch properly. Aaraam se canteen mein kuchh kha kar aa jao.”

She nodded.

“Aur doosri ye ki sharing and getting support is not a sign of weakness. Agar tum mujhse share karna chaho to I would be very happy. Lekin mujh par nahin to kissi par to bharosa karo. Kissi se to share karo, support lo. Agar main kissi se tumhari jaan pahchaan karwa sakta hoon, ya kissi professional se hi baat karna chaho…”

“Agar share karna hoga,” she interrupted, “To aapse hi kar loongi.” She didn’t know why she said that. But it sounded right.

“I will wait for the day then.”

She nodded and went away.

—

To be continued

Regaining Trust (Part 3)

Posted Mish11 CommentsPosted in Ashni (KTLK), Fan Fiction, Hinglish

 

“Sir. Main Siddhi ko… I mean apni sister ko pick karne ja rahi thi. Rahul ko bhi pick kar loon?”

“No. Thanks Dr. Nidhi. Uski maid wapas aa gayi hai. Woh use ghar le jayegi.”

“Okay Sir.”

“Dr. Nidhi?” She noticed that he had started using her first name instead of his usual practice of using the last name.

“Yes Sir?”

“Aap roz apni sister ko pick karti hain?”

“Ji.”

“But she is old enough to go home on her own.”

“Hum log saath mein lunch karte hain, Sir.”

“Isliye aap hospital canteen mein lunch nahin karti.”

“Ji,” she nodded looking apprehensive as if he would mind that. But he did not say anything. So, she left feeling relieved.

—

Ashutosh parked his car in the parking lot and walked towards the main building of Rahul’s school. It was the annual school picnic and the school authorities had asked parents to volunteer to accompany the kids to the picnic venue. Having a few parents around would be helpful for the teachers, as the kids on the picnic grounds could become a handful for them. Ashutosh had the day off; so he had decided to volunteer.

“Dr. Ashutosh?” he heard the familiar voice.

“Dr. Nidhi? Aaj to aapki duty thi.”

“Maine exchange kar li.”

“Yahan aane ke liye?”

“Ji.”

“That’s great,” Ashutosh said, but eyed her curiously. Why was she acting like a parent to her fairly grown up sister?

But he did not get a chance to continue the conversation. All the parents and teachers got busy in seating the kids on the buses, counting and recounting, giving instructions. Nidhi and Ashutosh were assigned to different buses; so they could not talk during the bus ride. Only after they disembarked at the venue and the kids got engaged in various activities, did he get a chance to talk to her again.

“Aap apni sister ki full-time guardian ki tarah hain,” he said cautiously, though he tried to appear casual.

“Guardian ki tarah nahin hoon, main uski guardian hoon.”

“Excuse me?”

“Woh aath saal ki thi jab hamare parents ki death ho gayi thi. Tab se main hi uski guardian hoon.” She said it as factually as if reporting a patient’s blood pressure to him.

Ashutosh was visibly startled. “I… I am sorry Dr. Nidhi.”

“It’s okay. Old story. She is doing fine.”

“I’m sure, she is. I’m sorry because I had no idea. And I could have said some things that hurt you…”

“No. You couldn’t have. I don’t give people power to hurt me,” her curt and stiff self was back.

Ashutosh’ mind was filled with a whirlwind of thoughts and he was hardly in a position to chat with her further. He tried to guess what Siddhi’s age was and if they were orphaned when she was eight, it must have been four to six years ago. Nidhi herself would have been a teenager then, herself in the need of love and care of parents. And she has been parenting her kid sister since then? Even at his age, when Rahul’s birth was a planned event of his life, he sometimes found it difficult to deal with a child as a single parent and this girl…. Is that what makes her so bitter? He stole a glance at her. She was looking fondly in the direction of her sister. Siddhi was playing volleyball with her friends. It was impossible not to notice the affectionate smile on Nidhi’s face, which was usually so devoid of anything resembling a smile. She definitely didn’t resent her sister’s responsibility. What was it then?

—

“Aap log wapas ghar kaise jayenge?” Ashutosh asked when they were back to the school from picnic. The parents who had not accompanied the kids on picnic had come to pick them up and the entire place was crowded again.

“Auto ya taxi mil jayegi, Sir.”

“Kaafi der ho gayi hai. Let me drop you. Car hai…”

“No. No Sir. That won’t be necessary. Aur phir Rahul ke sone ka time bhi ho raha hoga. Aap late ho jayenge.”

“It’s not a problem at all. Aur hamara hero abhi 11 baje se pahle nahin sone waala hai. Itni raat ko aap logon ka akele jaana theek nahin hai…”

“Sir. Hum hamesha jaate hain. Koi problem nahin hai. Right Siddhi?” Nidhi tried to get her sister to endorse her.

“Yeah Di. But you know… I am kind of tired…”

“Siddhi!” Nidhi was flustered.

“Dr. Nidhi. Please let me,” Ashutosh insisted.

He saw an expression of helplessness and regret on her face as she nodded. Obviously she was not happy at the situation. For a moment he felt bad about offering to drop them. It seemed to have hurt her self-respect. And yet… not making an offer would not have been like him. It would not have been like anyone with any sense of responsibility. It made no sense that they should be scouting for an auto this late, after a tiring day, when he could have dropped them easily.

—

“Sir. Aap please andar aaiye na,” Nidhi said when he pulled up the car in front of their house.

“Nahin Dr. Nidhi. Aap log thake hue honge. Aaraam kijiye. Main phir kissi din…”

“Sir. Chai to main bhi piyungi hi aur khana bhi banega hi. Agar aapko taqleef na ho to please andar chaliye aur hamare saath hi dinner kar lijiye. Abhi ghar wapas ja kar kahan dinner ka intezaam karenge?”

Hiraman Kaka would have taken care of dinner at his home. But he did not want to say it and make her feel small. At the same time he did not like the idea of her slogging away on dinner for four people.

“I have a better idea. Hum ander chalte hain. Aap hamare liye chai banaiye aur dinner ke liye hum pizza order kar dete hain,” he said.

“Pizza! Yes!” Rahul and Siddhi exclaimed in almost in chorus.

Nidhi looked unsure, but finally nodded.

—

Rahul happily followed Siddhi to her room. Ashutosh ordered pizza, while Nidhi made tea. The house was big for two people and Ashutosh guessed that it must have been built by their parents and was not rented.

“Rahul abhi aath saal ka hai and he gets a handful for me so often. It was very brave of you to take the responsibility of your sister at that age,” Ashutosh said while having tea.

“Main brave banne ki koshish nahin kar rahi thi. I just did what I had to.”

“That is still incredible. In fact, more so.”

Nidhi did not react to it and continued sipping her tea without meeting his eyes. Ashutosh fidgeted feeling uncomfortable at the silence, but the doorbell came to his resuce.

“Must be pizza delivery. I will get it,” Nidhi got up.

“No. Nidhi. Wait. I will pay for it,” Ashutosh stopped her.

“Sir. Aap bhool rahe hain ki aap mere ghar mein hain. I am the host.”

“Aur aap bhool rahi hain ki main aapka senior hoon.Sit down.”

“But…”

“No if’s and but’s,” he declared and went to the door.

Nidhi looked on feeling slightly annoyed with herself. What was happening to her today? She was losing control, giving in too much to Ashutosh. First revealing about her parent’s death, then the ride home, then the idea of pizza for dinner and now him paying for it. She didn’t like the idea of paying over 500 Rs. for a meal of pizza. Her father’s insurance and property had left her enough to pay for her own education and their normal upkeep. But she couldn’t afford to be reckless. She was saving for Siddhi’s education.

She came out of her thoughts when she saw Ashutosh struggling with several large boxes of pizza, garlic bread and cakes.

“Aapne kitna saara order kar diya hai?”

“Cold drinks darwaaze ke paas rakhi hain.”

“He bhagwan!” she exclaimed and rushed to the door so that Ashutosh didn’t have do all the work himself.

She stood with her hands on the hips and stared at the pizza boxes and accompaniments arranged on the dining table.

“Ye chaalish logon ka khana hai, Sir. Yahan sirf chaar log hain, poora hospital nahin.”

Ashutosh liked it that for once her words were not measured and calculated. She just spoke whatever came to her mind.

“I’m sorry. Lekin maine socha ki sab ki pasand alag alag hogi. To mujhe jo samajh mein aaya order kar diya. Jo bach jaye fridge mein rakh dijiyega.”

“Ek hafte tak mere ghar mein pizza festival chalega. Khair. I will call the kids.”

Her marvelled at her motherly expressions and language. It was cute coming from a twenty-two year old.

Nidhi tossed and turned in her bed till late that night. Something about the day was making her uncomfortable. Something about Ashutosh was making her uncomfortable. Siddhi was elated. At the ride in Mercedes. At the pizza dinner that Nidhi hardly indulged her in. And it bothered her that the source of her elation came from the pockets of someone else. From the pockets of Dr. Ashutosh. To make the matters worse, he came across as a dependable person. Of course, he did, Nidhi told herself. He was used to being a parent. All parents came across as dependable. It didn’t mean they were actually so.

—

To be continued