Tag: Radha

Destined (Part 30 – Last Part)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

It was a couple’s therapy session, which they had gone for on advice from Dr. Mathew. They walked to the car silently, still reeling emotionally from the experience.

Paritosh had to drive. But Rupali was so overwhelmed that she leaned back on the passenger’s seat and closed her eyes. They had been asked to speak out their feelings for each other. And why did they feel the way they did?

“At first it was the professional admiration,” Paritosh had said about her, “She had the tolerance for everything unnerving that came with the profession. And still a compassion for people. I had seen too many people lose one for the other. Then it was a curiosity that drew me to her. She showed a strange mix of strength and helplessness… And then a connection. A shared pain of orphanhood. A shared past. But despite all the pain, helplessness, loneliness, sense of abandonment, her strength shone through. She herself did not realize it, but she had never given up on life. Always held on to something to carry her through. Her studies, her profession… And she was not bitter. She could act on my wisdom, which I had myself never acted on. She was… she is my hope… for life.”

Could she really mean that much to him? More than a protegee, a helpless girl in need of help, or a muse? She meant “hope” for him? Him saying that meant the world to her. The last shreds of doubt about herself, about their relationship were gone!

Even thought Paritosh was too responsible a person to not pay attention to the road and traffic while driving, it did not keep his mind free from the thoughts of the session.

“I could talk about a thousand times when he has been there for me,” she had said, “But he had me the very first time… When he stopped Rohan in the hospital… From forcing himself on me… Nobody else cared, or noticed earlier; and if they did, they looked the other way, they never said anything. That was the first time anyone had stood up for me. That was the first time I felt that… it might still be possible to save myself, my dignity…”

He hadn’t thought about that incident in a long time now. It meant so much to her!! That hesitant, unsure intervention? He had considered “looking away”. He couldn’t thank God enough that he didn’t act on that. Instead he had listened to his heart.

They were about to reach his house, when her phone rang. She picked it up reluctantly.

“Kaku?” She got attentive on seeing the number, “Hello Kaku… What? Oh… Oh my God! Dr. Khanna,” she looked at him and spoke urgently, “We need to go to the hospital.” He nodded, a thousand questions popping up in his mind. “We are on our way Kaku. Please remain calm. Everything will be all right.”

“What happened?” he asked as soon as she disconnected the call.

“Kakima had a heart attack. Kaku was too flustered. I could not get much information out of him. She is in the hospital.”

“Won’t take us more than twenty minutes. Don’t worry, okay?”

She nodded.

—

Rohan had escaped from the medical facility and had assaulted a girl. She was saved by the staff finding him just in time. But her family had filed a case. He might not have to go to jail because of his mental status, but it was going to be either the facility or the jail for him. Damyanti had not taken the news well.

“She kept asking for you Rupa,” Sabyasachi told her, as they waited outside the ICU.

“Me?” Rupali was surprised. Shouldn’t it have been Rohan?

“She thought that if you did not forgive her and Rohan, we’d never have a normal life again.”

“Oh my God!” Rupali buried her head in her hands, “How do I ever convince her Kaku, or you that I never bore any ill-will towards you? How can I Kaku? Am I so ungrateful?”

“Of course not, my child,” Sabyasachi tried to get control of his emotions, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you about her incoherent ramblings. I was just… I am not in control of myself…”

“Everything will be all right. The best cardiologist in the city, in the entire country, is with her right now. Please Kaku. Take care of yourself.”

He nodded and sighed.

—

There wasn’t much to be done at the hospital. Damyanti had survived the attack. But she would wake up only by evening. Sabyasachi refused to leave the hospital for even a moment. So, they arranged a room for him in the hospital itself and came back to Paritosh’ house. They had a late lunch, mostly in silence. Then Rupali followed Paritosh to his room. He had hardly spoken anything since the phone call about the heart attack, except for the bare minimal formalities in asking after Damyanti at the hospital. And thanks to the effect of the earlier session, they hadn’t talked much in the car before that either. It was a confusing situation for Rupali. What was he thinking?

“What happened?” she asked directly.

“Nothing,” his reply was non-committal, “Or probably a lot. How are you feeling?”

She gave a knowing smile, “Why does it always have to be about me first Dr. Khanna? Why don’t you speak about yourself for a change?”

Paritosh looked surprised by her reply. Then he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. Rupali followed the suit.

“What is it?” she goaded, “You have to talk to me.”

“Rupali. You are already under too much pressure…”

“What pressure? Kakima’s health is upsetting, but what is there to feel pressurized about?”

“Let it go, Rupali. Some other time.”

“No. No way,” she was adamant, “Are you seeing some divine connection between what happened to Rohan or Kakima and us? I know you. You are prone to thinking like that…”

“If I could, I would take you away from all of this, so that you never have to hear about Rohan again. But… This morning I had thought that we’d taken a big step towards each other. And by now it seems like you have been pushed away again. I’m… I’m probably not thinking straight. I am sorry, Rupali. I might be hurting you… And I don’t intend to be insensitive towards Mrs. Moitra, but it’s just that…”

His ramblings were silenced by Rupali suddenly holding his hands and clutching them tight. He stopped talking and looked down at their hands in surprise. Rupali then lifted one of his hands and gently caressed his cuff-links.

“What is it with the cuff-links?” he asked suddenly, “Why do you stare at them all the time.”

Rupali was taken by surprise. Her reaction to the cuff-links had been noticeable, it meant. She smiled, “There was something I should have said in the session, but I did not. For some reason. However, since you are such a believer in seeing divine connection, let me tell you this.”

He looked at her questioningly, when she paused. Assured that she had his attention, she went on. She told him about her nightmare and the helping hands she had seen. And how in the morning she had realized that she had seen his hands.

“I must have known subconsciously, Dr. Khanna,” she concluded, “That you would be there for me. If there is a divine connection, it is this. Here. Between us. Otherwise, we being together was impossible.”

“You are crazy, Rupali.”

“So are you. But this ‘pushing away’ business is over, Dr. Khanna. Nobody, nothing is going to push me away any longer. Just one thing…”

“What is it?” he was easily alarmed.

“The past can not be erased. They are my parents. Guilty or not, they are not going to turn their back on me. Or me on them. And Rohan is their son. He and his issues will come up every now and then. Kaku has promised me that he won’t bring him back to Kolkata. Now, he can’t do that even if he wanted to. But I can not wipe those names off my life, Dr. Khanna. Will you be able to take it?”

“I can take a lot more,” Paritosh replied in a hoarse, urgent voice, “So long as you are there.”

And in an uncharacteristic act, she lifted his hand even further, bent down a bit planted a quick kiss on it. When she looked up, she met with an intense gaze from Paritosh. Today, thought, she was able to hold it. She went ahead, put her arms around him, leaned on him, and nuzzled his chest and hollow of the neck. The effect it had on him was too much for him to handle. He held her and pushed her away a bit.

“Don’t do this,” his voice was hoarser and his eyes dark.

“Why not?” she whispered back.

“You are driving me crazy. I’ll break my promise…”

“I don’t care. I want to jump through all the steps remaining between us.” With this she closed her eyes and her lips pouted, just a little, expecting to be kissed.

The invitation was impossible to resist and Paritosh crashed his lips on hers. This must be how the heroines in the romantic novels felt, Rupali could not help thinking to herself. This kiss was something she could look forward to – again & again!

He bent over her and started kissing and nibbling on her neck and earlobes. She was surprised at the sensations it created in her body. Rohan had never done that. Not surprising. He was always driven by his own needs. Groping her wherever he felt like. But why was she thinking about that jerk at this special moment. Her head turned, as Paritosh moved to the other side of her neck. And she saw the door.

“Dr. Khanna,” she hissed with difficulty. Her throat was giving way to his sweet assaults on her body.

He withdrew immediately, looking concerned. Was she not ready?

She pointed towards the door with her hands. “Please lock it,” she managed to say.

Paritosh sighed in relief and got up, but did not leave her behind. He took her with him to the door, locked it and pinned her against it.

“You are sure?” he wanted another confirmation.

“Please stop asking questions,” she was miserable. With her anticipation and desires!!

“You can still stop me anytime, okay?”

She just managed to nod. And he busied himself with her body. She soon found herself responding to his actions. She ran her fingers through his hair, gently at first, then urgently. She ran them over his back, spine and chest. She had never touched Rohan, except when he forced her hands on himself and… Stop thinking about him, Rupali. Don’t spoil this. She threw away those thoughts. And she did not realize when he had taken her back to the bed. She remembered him hissing in her ears once, “You will need a pill after this. But once is okay.” Will he stop thinking!

And finally he entered her. It was strange at first, but he was gradual, slow and gentle. Soon, she had settled in the rhythm and started enjoying the ride. She was thankful that Rohan had spared her this. Else, she would have had horrible memories associated with it. She didn’t. She could enjoy it.
Their union!

Paritosh suddenly turned towards her, as they lay spent on the bed, basking in the after-effects of their love-making. “Marry me, Rupali,” he said suddenly.

She was taken by surprise. But she managed to come back, “You are wicked, Dr. Khanna. You ask me, when I am at my vulnerable best.”

His face twitched, “I… I am sorry. I didn’t…”

She chuckled and shook her head, “I am joking.”

“You can tell me later,” he was still serious.

“Dr. Khanna,” she spoke somberly and sat up slightly, pulling the bed-cover over her naked body, “You are way too sweet. To ask me. I had presumed it. I thought you had too. If you hadn’t, you can now.”

She hadn’t seen a bigger grin on his face earlier. He also sat up and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Thank you,” he said.

“Seriously?” Rupali raised her eyebrows dramatically, “Thank you?”

They laughed slightly and hugged.

“This has given peace of mind not just to me, Rupali. But when we announce it, it would give peace to all the people who feel guilty for either of us. Chand, Moitras.”

“Ah! I have been fooled. It is for their love that you want to marry me, not mine,” Rupali joked.

“Shut up,” Paritosh replied playfully.

“Or else?”

“I will shut you up,” he said and to demonstrate kissed her on her lips long and hard.

“Let’s catch up on some sleep,” he said after breaking the kiss, “Night duty.”

“As you say, wise man!” Rupali teased him and they lied down in each other’s arms.

– The End –

Destined (Part 29)

Posted Mish3 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“So, tell me Rupali. What do you feel is not right with you?” Dr. Mathew asked after their session restarted. Paritosh had briefed him and he didn’t insist on hearing it from Rupali.

“Nothing is right with me.” her voice was weak and her eyes downcast, “And I can’t stop feeling that way.”

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way, Rupali. You have been through more than most people can imagine in their worst nightmares. Losing your parents, years of abuse, two near-deaths experiences…”

And the tears that she did not want flowing before a stranger started coming out of her eyes. Dr. Mathew discreetly pushed a box of tissue paper towards her and she helped herself to it.

“What kept you going all those years?” He asked.

“I wanted to be a doctor. Mummy wanted me to…”

“And you are a doctor now. Which college did you go to?”

“AIIMS.”

“Wow! Amongst top 30 in the entrance examination, then? What was you rank?”

“8th.”

“Top 10! Everything was not wrong with life, was it?”

Rupali wiped her tears with her hands this time. With the back of her hands, Paritosh could not help noticing. Then she shook her head.

“And you graduated with flying colors, I believe. To have landed with this internship offer.”

She nodded.

“You have gone through what most people won’t imagine even in their worst nightmares. And yet you have achieved what most people won’t imagine even in their best dreams. Am I right?”

For the first time during the session, she looked up. She looked sideways at Paritosh and then back at Dr. Mathew. Then she nodded her head.

“Tell me, how do you feel? On your average day?”

“Sometimes, I am fine. Even happy,” she replied. She was finally relaxing and opening up, “And yet at other times, I feel hopeless. Most of the time actually…”

“And since when have you been feeling like this?”

“Since forever, it feels…” her voice drowned. Then she continued, “But it has been worse after coming back to Kolkata.”

“You felt trapped, day in and day out.”

“Yes,” her voice was barely audible. She seemed to be reliving the troubles of last few months.

“Tell me about it.”

“Rohan wasn’t around me for such long periods earlier. I used to try and forget about the days when he was… But after coming back… It became impossible.”

“You don’t have any close friends?”

“I didn’t,” she said and then hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Now I do.” Despite the clinical environment, she blushed and downcast her eyes.

Paritosh smiled slightly and pressed her hand.

“Who?”

Rupali looked at him startled. Why would he ask? Wasn’t it obvious?

Dr. Mathew seemed to have read her thoughts, “Speak it out. It will feel good.”

“Dr. Khanna,” she gulped and barely managed to speak.

“So, even today, everything is not wrong with life, is it?” he smiled.

“It shouldn’t feel that way. But it still does… I am sorry,” she suddenly turned to Paritosh.

“I understand,” Paritosh assured her hastily.

“He does, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew concurred, “And its not your fault. You are suffering from depression.”

“How do I get out of it?”

“Just like you recover from any other illness. Good news is that your depression is only mild to moderate. And not severe. In severe depression, people find it impossible to function. You are highly functional. In fact, an achiever. You manage fine at work, right?”

She nodded. “Manages rather well.” Paritosh said, “Even after sleepless nights, she has never been found to make a mistake.”

“That’s great. And insomnia is also most likely due to depression.”

“What is the treatment, then?”

“There are two ways. And they can be used in combination. Which is what I will recommend for you. For mild depression, usually therapy is good enough. But you have suffered for too long, and there are chances of it getting to moderate levels. So, we’d also supplement it with medicines.”

“Medicines?” Rupali sounded unsure.

“Don’t worry. We now have medicines that don’t have any side effects. We can always adjust the dosage or even change the prescription, if you see any problems. It will aid your recovery. It is not like you are going to become dependent on drugs. You are a doctor yourself. You would have studied some of it. If you want, you can read up more and assure yourself.”

She looked at Paritosh and on his assuring blink nodded to Dr. Mathew.

“I am going to write it down here. My assistant will give you the schedule and appointments for therapy sessions. Some can be attended alone, others are recommended to be attended by close family, friends or significant others. Okay?”

She nodded again.

“Is there anything else in particular you are worried about?”

Rupali made to say something, and then stopped. How would she talk about it? She could live with her depression all her life. What she did not want was Paritosh to live with her depression all his life. She wanted a normal life with him. And that would mean…

“Yes?”

Rupali gulped and looked around everywhere except at Paritosh and Dr. Mathew.

“Rupali,” Paritosh said, “I think it would help if I stepped out.”

“But…” she was afraid that he might have been offended.

“It’s okay. You are safe here.” He wasn’t offended! He was too busy looking out for her comfort.

She nodded and he left, “I am right outside. In the lobby.”

“Yes, Rupali. Tell me. It’s absolutely confidential, non-judgmental and safe.”

“I… I am afraid of never having a normal…” she hesitated and them used the euphemism, “married life.”

“You mean sexual life?” he came to the point.

She gulped and nodded.

“You don’t like the idea of having sex with anyone?”

“I go frigid.”

“It’s a difficult situation. You need a patient partner.”

“I couldn’t have a more patient one.”

“Sometimes even we doctors have to say it Rupali. But let’s keep our fingers crossed. God willing, you will be all right and perfectly healthy.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“All the best!”

—

Paritosh was pacing anxiously in the lobby, when Rupali came out. He stopped as soon as he spotted her and waited for her to come up to him.

“Are you all right?” he asked gently.

She nodded with a slight smile. They met Dr. Mathew’s assistant and took the appointment and medicine prescriptions.

“Was it exhausting?” Paritosh asked after they had stepped out of the clinic.

“It was. But it is for good, I guess?”

“Yes. But I just want to tell you Rupali that you should not feel pressurized…”

“I am under pressure Dr. Khanna. But not from you. From myself. From my own wishes.”

He sighed, “And since you have set your mind to it, I am sure you will be able to do it.”

“Hope so.”

“So, what do you want to do now?” They were not on duty that day.

“I want you to finish your painting. And… I don’t mind posing, if it helps.”

Paritosh felt happy. “Sure,” he said brightly and they drove off.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 28)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“How far has your painting come?” she asked him after it was decided that he was staying back.

“What painting?” he was taken by surprise.

“Your latest one…” she realized that he didn’t know she had seen her painting. Was she trespassing?

“When did you see it?”

“The night we came back from Darjeeling,” she was regretting bringing this up now.

But he smiled to her relief. “You won’t let me have any secrets, will you?”

She shrugged and smiled.

She chuckled when she saw the painting, “Where are my ears?” The painting had her hair in a high ponytail, but her ears were missing.

“You usually keep your hair open. I had seen you in this hairstyle only once. I couldn’t remember what your ears looked like. So… It’s incomplete.”

He didn’t mean it, but that sounded like an allusion to their relationship. It wasn’t complete. Something was missing. Just like the ears were missing from the painting. She gulped. Then her hands went to her right ear and tucked her hair behind her ear. She repeated it with the left ear. To let him see what her ears looked like.

There was something very sensual about this gesture and Paritosh stared at her for a while. Then as if in a trance, he closed on her and caressed her right cheek with his hand. His hand, then, moved to her right ear and rubbed it slightly. Rupali closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. And Paritosh came out of his trance.

He stepped back startled and even before Rupali had opened her eyes, retreated out of the room. “Dr. Khanna!” she mumbled looking around confused and then rushed out of the room.

—

He was in his room. He stood facing away from the door, as she entered soundlessly. He hadn’t changed for the hospital before breakfast. So, he was still in his white cotton Kurta-Paijama. Rupali’s heart skipped a beat, as she approached the kurta-clad figure with broad shoulders and straight posture.

“Dr. Khanna!”

“Eh?” he was startled as he turned back, “Yes. I am sorry…”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure. Tell me,” his voice betrayed his nervousness, although his words were normal.

“I want to see Dr. Mathew.”

“Why?” To Rupali’s surprise he looked alarmed, instead of happy.

“Why? You always wanted me to…”

“But you never accepted. Why now?”

She downcast her eyes, “I want to get better, Dr. Khanna.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain, “I have pressurized you, haven’t I?” Rupali looked at him in surprise. He continued, “Since yesterday… Bit by bit… I have broken my promise to you. But you are not under my debt Rupali. You are not obliged to tolerate it. I had kept you in my life with a promise… That I’d never…” he took a deep breath trying to gather courage for his next words, “I’d never touch you. And yet I have…”

“Dr. Khanna please!”

“Go away, Rupali. You don’t have to stay. I have broken my promise.”

Rupali got tears in her eyes, “And didn’t it occur to you that I stayed not just because you had promised me something like that, but also because I wanted to?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“I want a normal relationship Dr. Khanna. It has nothing to do with what you are calling ‘pressurizing me’. It’s just my wish… I want to get better…”

“You are telling me the truth?”

“Of course, I am. What has come upon you? Didn’t you always want me to get better? I didn’t heed you all these days, because… Among other things I didn’t have the courage to go there alone. It was… It still is a scary thought. And I had asked you to stay back today, because I wanted to talk… I wanted to ask you if you would come with me…” she choked on her words.

Paritosh looked at her emotionally. He also had to clear his throat before replying, “If you are still asking me… Yes. Yes, I’d come.”

She knew he wouldn’t hug her. So, she went forward to took the initiative herself. He almost crushed her while hugging her back, but she wasn’t threatened. She felt safe, and loved and cared for.

—

“Please come in. Dr. Rupali Banerjee, right?” Dr. Mathew’s disposition was cheerful and friendly, but he was surprised as he saw who entered the room with her, “Paritosh?”

“Hi John,” Paritosh smiled at him, “I know this is unusual. But Rupali was a little nervous about seeing you and asked me to…”

For the first time Rupali realized that it was awkward for Paritosh. And he knew it all along. But he hadn’t hesitated even for a moment, when she had asked him to come with her.

“Please sit down,” Dr. John Mathew was back in his element, “So, Rupali. How are you today?”

She gave him a nervous, half smile. What kind of question was that? How would one be on any given day to have to come to a psychiatrist.

“There is nothing to be nervous about, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew said somberly when she did not say anything, “Anything we talk about here, remains in this room. It won’t ever go out. You are doctor. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” her voice barely came out.

“So, tell me. What worries you?”

Dr. Mathew was as friendly and assuring as anyone could be. So, Rupali could not blame him when she found her hands and fee going cold. What was she to tell him? How? Had it all been a mistake?

Silence hung in the air uncomfortably for a few moments.

“You need to talk, Rupali.”

Silence.

Paritosh noticed her stiffening body and was compelled to speak, “Rupali. Would it help if I left. It might be…”

“No!” her alarmed reaction was immediate. And she clutched his hands instinctively. To stop him from leaving.

That’s when Paritosh realized that her hands had gone ice-cold.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed and took both her hands in his and rubbed against them to give her some warmth. “What’s the matter, Rupali? What are you so afraid of? Her hands are dead cold, John.”

Dr. Mathew looked thoughtful. He asked Paritosh, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Paritosh nodded and then turned to Rupali to ask her to let him go for a while. But she did not loosen her grip on his hands.

“I will give you sometime,” Dr. Mathew said and after Paritosh’ nod left the room.

“I am not going anywhere,” Paritosh spoke to Rupali in low, assuring voice after Dr. Mathew left, “What has happened to you? You have survived everything Rupali. Talking about it can not be worse than living it. What makes you so nervous?”

“This is my last chance,” she finally spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

“My last chance to get better. If this fails, I do not know what I’d do.”

Paritosh sighed. Whether or not she accepted it, she was feeling pressurized.

“May be,” he said after thinking it through, “May be this is your last chance at getting better. But with me, Rupali, you are left with no chance at all. It does not matter if you get better or not, it does not matter if you become worse, even if you become mad and lose your mind, I’m not giving you a chance to run away from me.”

She was overwhelmed, but she did not cry. She leaned on him and rested her head on his chest, “It was a bad idea, Dr. Khanna. I don’t have the strength to talk about my life. Yet again. To yet another person. Let’s go back.”

“That’s fine, Rupali,” he patted her head, “There is no pressure, you know that, right?”

“I really wanted to…” she was torn between her hopes and her fears.

Paritosh pushed her back and took a good look at her face.

“I’m being unreasonable, am I not?” Rupali became conscious.

“What’s wrong in being unreasonable once in a while? Let me talk to John. If he agrees, I will tell him everything. Then you won’t have to narrate it all. Okay? From then on he’d be able to ask you questions and continue with his diagnosis and treatment. Is that fine?”

He always had a solution for her. She looked amazed. Then nodded slowly. “Will he agree?” she asked feeling uncertain.

“I don’t know. Let me try.”

“Okay.”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 27)

Posted Mish5 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“Why the hell did you run into the rain?” Partiosh was not assuaged yet.

Rupali was sneezing by the time she managed to change her clothes and come out to the hall of her house.

“The kids weren’t getting back. They would have fallen ill.”

“Kids can be quite immune. It is you who has fallen ill. Where is the thermometer?”

“Thermometer?”

“You are sneezing like crazy. I want to make sure you are not running a temperature.”

“I don’t have a thermometer. And I am fine.”

“You don’t have a thermometer at home, Dr. Rupali Banerjee?” Paritosh was annoyed as his emphasis on “Dr.” showed.

“Please Dr. Khanna,” Rupali felt miserable seeing his foul mood continue.

“Let me check…” he made to touch her forehead and then hesitated, “Can I?”

She nodded looking embarrassed.

“You are running a temperature, Rupali.”

“I am sorry. I really am. Now please, don’t ruin your mood like that. I will take a paracetamol and sleep it off. I will be fine by the morning.”

Paritosh took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

“I am sorry,” he said softly, “I got worried. But you need to eat something, have a cup of hot tea, and then take rest. Radha is not here yet. Can you call her?”

“Okay,” she said and made the call.

“Lie down in your bedroom. I will make you some tea in the meanwhile.”

“I will go later. And Radha will make tea. You don’t need to…”

“Don’t annoy me again. Let me take you to your room.”

Rupali had no option, but to go with him.

—

He pulled a chair close to her bed as she sipped her tea. “So, this is why you used to get sick in your childhood? Running around in rain?” he asked with a smile.

“I was cold intolerant.”

“You still are.”

“I didn’t realize.”

“How come?”

“Just didn’t…” she replied and averted her eyes. But she could not hide her tears from him.

“Hey! What happened? Rupali?”

“Nothing. Nothing really…” she kept the tea away and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. It was adorably cute how she wiped her tears like a little girl. But right now, she was very disturbed.

“Talk to me, please Rupali.”

“I miss my parents…”

“Of course, you do. How can you not miss them? But why these tears, all of a sudden? Did my scolding hurt you?”

She shook her head, “It reminded me of them. I used to be careless. I knew I was intolerant to cold and water. Still, I would go out in the rain, go around without warm clothes in winters… Because… Because I knew they would be there to nurse me. And I never thought that it would be a trouble to them. You don’t think anything you do could be a trouble to your parents. And then they were gone… Just like that… I could no longer take anybody for granted after that. I was cautious. I didn’t want to fall ill. I didn’t want to be more of a burden than I already was. I became so careful, I almost never fell ill. So, I had started thinking that I was immune now. I wasn’t… I just didn’t believe anyone was there to nurse me, if I fell ill…”

“Now you do, right?” Paritosh’ eyes had moistened. He knew what she was saying. Not being able to take anybody for granted. But in his case, he had never known his parents. He hadn’t known any other way of life in his childhood except for other people taking care of him. It wasn’t a great feeling, but it didn’t create the dissonance it had created for her. She had been old enough to always remember the change that had come in her life. And she had been young enough to still need her parents a lot. “Now you do have someone to take care of you,” he repeated, “You know that, don’t you?”

He really wanted to gather her in his arms and give her a tight hug. But more than her feeling offended, he wasn’t sure of what effect her physical proximity will have on him. So, he hesitated. But Rupali was overwhelmed. She suddenly leaned on him and then hugged him. There was no question of not hugging her back. He did. And he patted her to comfort her. She sobbed. She was like a lost, crying child, looking frantically for her missing parents. Oh Rupali! Could nobody heal her pain? At that moment, what he felt for her was almost paternal care.

“Calm down, Rupali,” he said after a while. If she cried so much, her fever would get worse, “Everything is all right. You are not alone. You are not a burden on anyone. Come on, now.”

She withdrew slowly. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled and again wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“Sorry for what?”

“My breakdown. I got carried away.”

“Don’t be an idiot. I think that’s Radha,” the call bell rang just then, “I will get the door. I am going to tell her what to cook. And you must eat whatever she brings. Okay?” He was back in parenting mode.

She gave a small smile and nodded.

Paritosh was tempted to stay with her for the night. To make sure that her fever did not get worse. But he didn’t. There was an unspoken contract. A bit of it was already broken that day. He couldn’t risk more.

—

He was surprised to see her at the breakfast table the next morning.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he was alarmed.

“Waiting for you on the breakfast table,” she replied cheerfully.

“You should be taking rest.”

“I am fine. I really am. You have a thermometer here? You can check?”

He just went to her and touched her forehead. It seemed fine. He sighed in relief.

“You will be the death of me, Rupali, if you behave like that.”

“Sorry. I was just… I wanted to see you,” she replied with an embarrassed shrug.

The overwhelmed lover could no longer hide behind the strict guardian now. He smiled warmly and replied in a low, throaty voice, “Me too.”

That restored her cheerful mood.

“Can I ask you for something?” she asked sheepishly as they were having breakfast.

“As long as you don’t evict me from this house,” he joked and chuckled.

“I am serious, Dr. Khanna. Please.”

He also became serious and said affectionately, “You don’t need permission to ask me for something. Just shoot. Whatever is mine is yours. You don’t even need to ask me…”

“Can you take a day off today?” she said hurriedly as if she had to say it out quickly. If she slowed down, she won’t be able to speak at all.

“What happened?” her request worried him, “Is there a problem?”

“No. No,” she assured him hastily, “I have a day off today. I… I wanted to spend some time with you… Talk to you…”

His frown disappeared and he smiled fondly, “Let me check if there is anything urgent. If not, I am all yours Dr. Banerjee.”

She grinned.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 26)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali bore Radha’s anxious inquiries after her well-being gracefully. She didn’t know who had informed her. Paritosh or Moitras. She hadn’t remembered to.

“Poor you,” she patted Rupali’s head, “And his unfortunate parents. Why has the boy turned out like that? But there always were signs…”

“Radha. Please,” she pleaded, “There is no point talking about it.”

“Of course. I am sorry. You must be tired. Shall I get you dinner?”

“I had it at Dr. Khanna’s place. I will just take a bath and sleep.”

“I will get the hot water.”

By now she was so exhausted that all her confusions and anxiety could not keep her awake. She fell asleep immediately after hitting the bed.

She woke up at five in the morning. It was slow and natural awakening. Not like the nightmare-induced ones she often had in past. She had been asleep by 8.30 last evening. She felt energized and fresh. She got down from the bed and opened one of the large, colonial windows of her house. The hot, humidity of Kolkata weather had not yet dawned. The air was cool and she could feel it on her face. Then she thought about Paritosh. About their conversation last night. If someone had ever received unconditional love in this world, she had. The last night was an undeniable proof. Accepting what he had offered might be selfish on her part. But he wanted it too. And if it wasn’t right for future, she could still take the risk for the present. She was a fighter, wasn’t she? She had survived the death of her parents, the atrocities of Rohan… Couldn’t she survive and make the best out of love? Couldn’t she try to make it right for the future as well? Why be afraid? What was there to be afraid now? And she smiled. A smile free of any pain behind it!

—

Paritosh was about to start his breakfast, when Rupali walked in.

“Hi,” he greeted her anxiously.

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna. I thought I could have breakfast here.”

“Sure,” he beamed, “Sit down. There are cereals. Do you want some eggs?”

“I will ask the housekeeper to make some half-fry. Do you want some too?”

“No. I will skip eggs. Thanks.”

“I love half-fry. But for some reason Radha doesn’t make them very well,” Rupali said after she had been served eggs, “She didn’t used to cook much at Kaku’s place. There was another cook.”

“How are these?”

“Very nice. Just the way I like them.”

“Great.”

“You aren’t talking at all,” she complained sweetly after a while.

“For a change, I am enjoying you talking.”

She blushed and smiled.

—

It had been a month since their heart-to-heart. Rupali was happy like never before and Paritosh indulged her like he had done no one before. They would have most of their meals outside the hospital together. Either at his house or in a restaurant. It came to a point that Radha had nothing to do at home during day time. It was, therefore, decided that she would stay at Rupali’s place only at night. She would go back to Moitras’ house during the day. “It will ensure that she doesn’t have to stay alone all day, Kakima. I am away on duty and the poor woman is all alone in this house,” she had explained. Damyanti and Sabyasachi had not objected, inwardly happy that she was getting closer to Dr. Khanna.

Rupali and Paritosh were following an unspoken convention though. She wouldn’t stay at his place at night. He used to drop her himself. When that was not possible, an household staff would drop her in the other car.

Paritosh had stayed true to his promise of not touching her. Quite literally. And it didn’t seem to make him feel wretched. The one who did feel wretched was Rupali. Her body’s limitations did not make her immune to emotional needs. She wanted him. And she couldn’t have him. Because of herself. Whenever her train of thoughts went down in this direction, she would suddenly be roused by Paritosh’ earlier reaction to “her feeling damaged”. He had declared loud and clear that he did not like or believe that. She could not go the route of self-pity. But what they had was inadequate. Partiosh might be happy with that. But she wanted more. Couldn’t she heal herself? Just enough to be with him. How should she do it? And how should she tell him?

—

They decided to stay a while longer at the orphanage. They would spend some more time with kids. They took a break after the kids got busy playing with each other in the playground. Despite the pressure to accommodate more children, the orphanage had not given up on its decently sized playground, Paritosh informed Rupali. “And thank God for that. Children need open spaces, playground, fresh air and exercise,” he added.

“The living quarters are over-crowded, though. Children adopt to a lot of things. But they deserve some more space.”

“This is probably one of the best financed places. Still, it is not enough. We have a huge population, Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh smiled at Rupali sadly.

“Yep. And so if there are more needy people, there should be more helpers in the country too.”

“How do you draw more of them out?”

“I have read about fund-raising efforts of non-profits in other countries. US, for example. It isn’t done on an ad-hoc basis there. Hoping for some rich people to take fancy to you. There are professional, well-planned fund-raising efforts. There are professionals who specialize in such efforts. I’m sure we could use some ideas from there.”

“You really want to do something, don’t you?” Paritosh smiled appreciatively.

“Yes,” her voice was suddenly low and embarrassed, “I hadn’t been in their rooms until recently. And when I did, I almost felt guilty about all the space I have to myself. Now, I am not someone who can donate in lacs and crores, but if hundred people like me could donate even 1000 Rs. each per month, that’d be an extra income of 1 lac a month for the place. Could take care of some basic needs for many children. Thousand people like me would make in 10 lacs a month. Many people spend more than that on donating to temples. And if even a small portion of temple-donations by really rich people could be tapped for this, we could definitely acquire more land and secure more living space for them.”

“If you want to do something, and have a plan, I am in it.”

“Really?”

“We have the same motivations, Rupali.”

Rupali gave a hesitant shy smile. They held each other’s gaze for a moment. And Paritosh felt a current that was ‘dangerous’ in his assessment. He was unaware that Rupali had felt the same.

Their moment was disturbed by a sudden downpour. “Oh God! All of a sudden. The kids will fall ill,” Rupali was flustered, especially when she saw that a large number of kids were enjoying the rain instead of running for shelter. “I will get them back,” she said and ran out to the ground.

“Wait Rupali. The staff would be here any moment. You will get wet.”

“I will be fine. You stay here and make sure they don’t run back into the rain.”

The staff usually responsible for overseeing the children during their play time was taking a break because Rupali and Paritosh were there. They came running when they saw the downpour and relieved Rupali. But she was already wet by then.

“You are mad, Rupali,” Paritosh admonished her, “As bad as the kids. What if you fall ill? You don’t even have a change of clothes here. Come now. We have to hurry back.” And after weeks, he touched her, holding her arms to drag her away. She stumbled in surprise and he had to hold her with his other hand too. And he saw her wet face, clattering teeth, trembling lips, her open hair drenched and tangled up! This was the stuff seduction and desire were made of. Paritosh could not look away from her. His hold on her hands tightened until it hurt her and made her come out of her own trance. She winced, very slightly, but enough to jolt Paritosh out. His hard gulp was visible and audible as he let her go, stepped back and looked at the gate of the orphanage building. “Let’s go,” he mumbled and walked off, Rupali following him in a still dazed state.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 18)

Posted Mish7 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The conversation with Damyanti had helped Rupali understand what was weighing her down. She also felt the same current between them that Radha or Sabyasachi had felt.

She looked up to him. He had been her rock ever since the day he had intervened between her and Rohan. He had given her the strength. On a very practical level, he had given her this house without which…

But she didn’t have anything to give back to him. She was an emotional and physical wreck. It’s okay if Chand was his past, and could not be his future. She could not be his future either. He deserved better. Period.

What did he think though? He sent confusing signals. Sometimes avoiding her, sometimes seeking her out, telling her that Chand could not be back in his life… No. It didn’t matter what he thought. She could not let it happen. For his sake.

—

Paritosh’ emotions and actions in last few days have been on a roller-coaster ride. And he was aware of that. Supporting her, getting scared by the faith she put in him, ignoring her, assuring her about his feelings for Chand… What the hell was he doing?

“You always do the right and the rational thing… I draw strength and hope from that… If you go weak there, I lose all hopes…” Her words kept ringing in his ears. Those words had scared him. Those were the words that he didn’t think he would be able live up to. And he had started avoiding her. He let her go home on her own from orphanage too. Something he hadn’t done even when she had to answer to that obsessive, possessive finace of hers. He had an alibi. But he knew very well that it was just that – an alibi. He had apologized before he could stop himself. She had assured him that she would be fine. But he couldn’t ignore her condition the next morning. She hadn’t slept well. And then she had remarked about Chand coming back into his life. Obviously she thought that he was ignoring her because of Chand. Oh, the innocent simpleton. Rupali! What was he to do with her?

If he listened to his heart, he wanted to hug her tight, kiss away her wounds, and keep her safe from everything, everybody…. Be that ultimate hero for her that romantic stories talk about. But he wasn’t the perfect, rational, wise person she made him to be. Her faith had already been tried too often. Parents died at an early age, relatives were ready to send her to an orphanage, the adoptive parents failed to keep her safe… from their own son… What if he ended up breaking her trust, making her lose her faith once again?

After all, his own life had been filled with complexes. Not knowing where he came from, getting insulted for that by the father of the girl he had loved, then the feeling of being a substitute, loneliness of all these years… And letting all these wounds fester within him. What was rational and wise about him or his life? Time had taught him a few things. It was easier to say the right things. It was difficult to live by them. She put trust in whatever he said. But would he himself be able to live by them? He wasn’t sure. Yes. He was scared… Of taking responsibilities, of loving, of living….

And yet, turning himself away from her was being difficult! What was he to do?

—

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna,” Rupali knocked on the door and came in without waiting for his permission.

“Good morning, Rupali. How are you doing?”

“I am fine. I came here to… Do you have any recommendation for psychiatrist I could see?”

“Oh! So Mrs. Moitra was able to convince you?”

Her face twitched despite her attempt to smile. Paritosh noticed that. “Oh… Oh God!” he exclaimed, “Are you mad at me for talking to her about it?”

Was she mad? She wondered. She shouldn’t be. May be she was. Outwardly, she forced a smile, “I am not mad. Why should I be? Your advice is reasonable… right. Just tell me a name… preferably somebody who doesn’t work here…”

“Sure. I should have a card here, somewhere. I had kept it for your… Here it is. Dr. Mathew. He stays in Salt Lake City and has how own center there, where he meets pa… people,” he changed ‘patients’ to ‘people’ to avoid making her feel bad.

Rupali noticed his cuff-links as he handed her the card and an old dream came back to her… Her saviour…. The hands that hadn’t reached her in her dream, but which had reached her in real life. At least to save her! Somewhere deep in her heart, she wanted those hands to hold her, to embrace her. But that couldn’t happen…

She tore her eyes off his wrists, hastily took the card and mumbled a thank you. She was about to leave with Paritosh’ questioning eyes following her, when a knock came at the door. Paritosh flustered for a moment, but gathered himself quickly and asked the person to come in. It was Sabyasachi Moitra.

“Kaku!” Rupali exclaimed.

“Rupa. Good that you are also here. I was hoping to see you,” Sabyasachi gave a warm smile and hugged her affectionately.

“When did you come back?”

“Just this morning…”

“And how is… Rohan?” she hesitated, but asked. She hadn’t talked to Damyanti about Rohan. But she felt more at ease in talking about him to Sabyasachi. With Damyanti, she always felt an emotional pressure about the relationship.

He sighed in reply. Then added after a moment, “He is recovering.” His voice wasn’t convincing at all. Ruapli just nodded and did not pursue it.

“Please sit down Mr. Moitra,” Paritosh spoke finally, “You had some work at the hospital?”

“Actually… I came to meet you… I’m not sure if this is a good time. I didn’t call. If you are busy I can come later…”

“This is a perfect time,” Paritosh replied warmly, “No hell has broken lose in the ward. Right Rupali?”

“Yes Sir,” she smiled, “I will see you later Kaku.”

“Can you ask somebody to send in some coffee and snacks please?” Paritosh requested Rupali.

“That won’t be necessary, Rupa. Really,” Sabyasachi preempted Paritosh’ objection, “I am fine. I had breakfast before coming.”

Paritosh nodded at Rupali and she left.

Silence prevailed in the room for a few moments after Rupali left. Sabyasachi was looking down at his own hands, rubbing his fingers against his thumbs as if trying to gather his thoughts and prepare himself to talk.

“Mr. Moitra?” Paritosh had to break the silence.

“Yes. Of course… I am supposed to talk,” Sabyasachi smiled nervously, “And suddenly I feel like a fool for coming here…”

“Mr. Moitra. You don’t have to… You can talk freely.”

“I am a lost man Dr. Khanna. I don’t know from where to start putting things together…”

“Rohan is not well, then?” Paritosh asked. He had stopped called him “Dr. Moitra” altogether. That address had not only a formality about it, but also a respect. And he could not summon that respect for Rohan any longer.

“No. He is not well at all. But that’s… that’s not something you can do anything about.”

“Rupali is holding up fine, Mr. Moitra. I know this isn’t easy on you…”

“It isn’t easy on me at all Dr. Khanna. And I am glad that at least Rupa is holding up. I had always thought that the girl had a quiet strength about her. But it kills me to think that the strength was being tried in the most horrible way in my own house. And now… like a fool… I have lost both my children… I wish she would blame me, complain about her… And would let me apologize at least, if not explain. What can I explain anyway…”

“Mr. Moitra. Please calm down.”

“I am rambling off. I didn’t come here for that. I came here to…”

“Talk about Rupali?”

“Yes. Indeed. Dr. Khanna, I am aware of your reputation. Of being a lonely person, of strictly being a professional. And yet… In this case knowingly or unknowingly you have gotten involved personally. So, please talk to me on a personal level Dr. Khanna. And give this answer to a father, not to a trustee of the hospital. Am I wrong in assuming that you care about Rupa? And not just because you had to give her the share of her grand father’s property. But even beyond and without that? You must give me a very honest answer.”

Paritosh flushed. Mr. Moitra was literally forcing him to face and resolve his feelings. Like hell, he cared about her. Cared deeply. But was he willing to admit it openly? And deal with everything that came with that acceptance? Mr. Moitra was not forcing him to answer quickly. He was just staring at him in expectation.

“I don’t know if you are implying something else,” he finally spoke firmly and slowly, “But the answer to your question is yes. I care about her. She is… she is a lovely and brave person. It is difficult for anyone not to care about her.”

Sabyasachi sighed, “Thank God. In that case, if I ask you to take care of her, it won’t be a burden for you, will it? You are already doing it. So, I have assumed that it isn’t…”

Another long pause. Was he prepared to commit to it? He hasn’t been very sure of himself in this regard. “Rupali is fine Mr. Moitra,” he mumbled.

Sabyasachi looked expectantly at Paritosh for a moment, hoping that he’d say something else. But he didn’t. “Of course,” Sabyasachi had to speak finally. He looked clearly embarrassed at his uncharacteristic emotional outburst from a few minutes ago, “I should get going now. Have some work to attend to. Thanks a lot for your time Dr. Khanna… And for everything…”

Paritosh was suddenly very embarrassed. He was evading. “Mr. Moitra…” he started speaking, but his words drowned. He was quite at loss. It wasn’t like he didn’t intend to support Rupali. It wasn’t like he didn’t care for her; or that he didn’t want her… It wasn’t about her at all. It was about him. How inadequate he felt…

“Mr. Moitra. Don’t get me wrong,” he finally found his voice, “Rupali is a great girl. She deserves… a lot. And I think she will get everything she deserves. Your shouldn’t hurry yourself; or her.”

“Yes Dr. Khanna. I shouldn’t be hurrying. Her; or you. I just panic when I think of her loneliness. And of my failures. Still, let me say this. I am often in that area when you and Rupa make your weekly visit to orphanage. I sometimes meet the orphanage staff. NET is one of the donors there. You probably didn’t realize, but I have seen you together. She looked happy. And so did you. Try to think about that. Nobody has seen you happy very often. And her? She had all the reasons in the world to be sad. Still?”

Sabyasachi left leaving a flustered Paritosh behind.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 17)

Posted Mish5 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“I feel like a VIP,” Chand smiled on seeing Paritosh.

“That’s a good feeling, but can I ask why?” Partitosh also quipped back on seeing Chand in a good mood.

“The entire Pediatrics department seems to be at my beck and call. Attending to me one after another.”

“I am not the entire Pediatrics department.”

“Of course. So, you send that young protegee of yours to me, when you are not around.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dr. Banerjee. Rupali, I guess.”

“Rupali was here?”

“Poor girl. She is so besotted with you, she would do anything you asked her to.”

“Anything I ask her to? Besotted with me? What are you talking about Chand? Are you out of your mind? I never asked her to come here. Why would I?”

That made Chand’s smile grow wider, “You didn’t tell her to? And still she spends so much time here…”

“Rupali has been spending time with you? Why would she?”

“I must be her favourite patient, Mr. thick-head.”

A smile formed on Paritosh’ lips, on hearing the long-forgotten “Mr. thick-head” from Chand.

“Some things haven’t changed Chand. And yet how much has changed!” he said somberly.

“Yes,” her smiled became sad, “So much has changed. But why are you stuck Paritosh? Why did you never move on?”

“This is not the time to talk about me,” he avoided her and changed the topic, “You tell me, how are you feeling? I am eager to see you discharged, healthy!”

She sighed, “I am not too eager to leave. It feels safer than home.”

“Chand,” Paritosh spoke with some alarm, “Don’t think like that. Your father really repents not listening to your earlier. He is taking care of your daughters. And he won’t let you go back to that hell again.”

“Of course. He is not going to do that… Now…” her hands went to her tummy for a moment. Paritosh realized that she was thinking about the baby she had lost.

“You have two daughters to take care of, Chand. You can’t afford to be sad and depressed like this. You understand that, don’t you?”

She nodded and smiled. She spoke after a few moments of silence, “If possible, forgive me Paritosh. And if you have, move on. Please…”

“I never wished you any ill Chand,” Paritosh felt compelled to say that.

“Of course. I know,” she replied, “If you had, I wouldn’t be alive. Your ill-will would have been too powerful. It is your good-will that I and my daughters are alive today.”

“Just take care of yourself, and don’t fret over the bygones.”

She nodded and smiled.

—

After finishing his work, Paritosh went out to look for Rupali. He found her on the terrace.

“Not done for the day yet?”

“Another hour to go. We came in the same shift,” she smiled and stopped rubbing her eyes. She was clearly sleepy and had a headache.

“There is a simple secret to good health, you know.”

“What?”

“That you do things at the right time. For example, you sleep when you should sleep.”

“Right,” she sighed and mumbled.

“And that is true not only of one day, but of life in general.”

“And what does that mean?”

“For everything in life, there is a right time… The moment – you know. There is a moment, for example, when two people are on the same wavelength. They understand each other and they can come together. And after coming together, from then on, they can grow together. But if that moment is gone, and they don’t come together, then they grow separately, they grow differently, and they grow apart. Do you understand what I am saying?”

Rupali gulped hard. She felt her goosebumps. He must be referring to him and Chand. But why was he telling that to her? Why bother clarifying to her that they can not come together any longer?

“Rupali?”

“I think I do,” she managed to speak, “But I didn’t intend to hurt you… What I said earlier…”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Paritosh rebuffed her affectionately, “You can not hurt a fly Rupali Banerjee. I am tougher than that.” He was smiling by now and Rupali could not help but smile with him.

“If you are free,” Paritosh spoke again, “Let me make up for the tea we missed yesterday and treat you to one in the canteen. It will help with your sleepiness as well.”

“Sure,” she nodded. She could definitely do with some tea. But something about this exchange was making her think hard.

—

“Kakima!” Rupali was surprised to see Damyanti at her home when she reached back that evening.

“How are you, Rupa?”

“I am fine…” And against her better judgment tears came to her eyes.

“Oh my God! What happened, my child? Why are you…”

“I thought… you would never come…” Whatever be her failings, this woman has been the mother to her all these years. On seeing her, suddenly she felt the need to have a mother’s shoulder to cry on.

“Oh God! I am so sorry, Rupa… I should have come earlier. I was just so unsure…”

They hugged and Rupali cried softly.

“That’s enough. That’s enough, Rupa… Stop crying now. Come on… Radha. Bring some water for Rupa,” she hollared to the maid and took Rupali to her bedroom.

“Is something wrong, Rupa?” she asked after Rupali had calmed down.

“No Kakima. I just… got emotional to see you…”

“I should have come earlier. I am so sorry, Rupa…”

“Please don’t embarrass me, Kakima…”

“You could also have told me, Rupa, if you wanted to see me…”

“I know…”

“Anyway. Radha tells me that Dr. Khanna comes here often. He has been taking good care of you, right?”

“He is a good man, Kakima,” Rupali replied in a controlled voice, unsure about where this was going. There was already too much going on in her head about Paritosh, which she was yet to sort out.

“Of course!”

“Kakima…”

“Yes?”

“You don’t hold him responsible for what happened, do you? Because he is not. This house was just incidental. Sooner or later…”

“I know. I know Rupali,” Damyanti’s sadness and disappointment were not hidden, but she did put up a brave and rational face. “And trust me,” she added slowly, “Despite what I had hoped about your and… Rohan in past, you would always have my blessings for the right person in your life…”

“I… am not… sure… what you mean, Kakima…” Rupali stuttered.

“Your Kaku felt so… And even Radha tells me that you and Dr. Khanna…. are together?”

“What?” Rupali nearly jumped out of the bed, “What are you… No Kakima. That… That is not happening… That can not happen…”

“I thought so… I told both of them… It doesn’t make sense… He is too… I mean you are much younger than him and…”

“Kakima. That is not the point. It is not about him at all.”

“Then?”

“It’s… It’s me Kakima. I’m… How do I explain it… I am a damaged person Kakima, a damaged woman… I cannot… be with anyone. And least of all someone as nice as Dr. Khanna…” she almost choked on her words towards the end, “And Kakima. Please, don’t ever mention this to him. Being the kind of person he is, he might just agree to you for my sake. That won’t be right….”

Damyanti spoke after few moments of silence, “You should see a psychiatrist, Rupa.”

Rupali was startled, “Why are you… Did Dr. Khanna tell you to…”

Damyanti sighed, “I had called him up before coming.”

“Why?”

“Wanted to ask how you were doing and what I should be doing…”

Rupali sighed! So, Dr. Khanna was her official guardian now!

“You don’t need to ask anyone about me, Kakima…”

“I shouldn’t have to… But I have failed Rupa. And I want to be extra cautious now…”

Rupali buried her head in her hands feeling helpless, “Everybody is in such mess because of me…”

“No. No Rupa. Please don’t talk like this. You have been very brave. You shouldn’t give up in your life and future like this. Take time. You are not running out of it.”

Rupali wondered if those were her words, or Dr. Khanna’s. He was capable of saying things like those. But outwardly she just smiled and changed the topic, “Shall I get you some tea, Kakima?”

“Sure. Tea would be good.”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 14)

Posted Mish11 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“I will take a taxi,” Rupali told Paritosh after they finished check ups at the orphanage.

“Why, I will drop you.”

“It’s no longer on your way…”

“You can invite me for a cup of tea…”

Rupali had to smile at that, “Of course.”

The decrepit sofa was absent from the hall, and there were a few plastic chairs around.

“I see that you have already started redecorating the place,” Paritosh said as a way of starting the conversation.

“There isn’t much decoration here,” Rupali gave an embarrassed grin, “Just making the place functional. Although, I am fully aware how inappropriate plastic furniture is for a house like this.”

“It’s yours. That is all that matters.”

Radha’s excitement at seeing a visitor was almost embarrassing for Rupali. She brought so much snacks with tea that not only Paritosh, even Rupali stared at it wide-eyed.

“Well,” Rupali spoke to dissolve the awkwardness, “I wouldn’t have known what all I should get. Thank God, Radha is here.”

“And I didn’t know what I was getting in to when I got myself invited for tea,” Paritosh also helped.

They smiled. Radha, however, offered an explanation, “Nobody ever comes here. I am so happy to see Doctor Babu today.” And it made the situation awkward again. Their eyes met and Rupali averted hers.

“Moitras never came to meet you?”

“Kaku is in Darjeeling with Rohan. Kakima probably feels very guilty, and possibly angry. They have called, of course.”

“Aren’t you lonely?”

“Have always been. Being alone has nothing to do with being lonely. You can be lonely even in a huge crowd.”

Paritosh smiled.

“And Dr. Khanna,” Rupali added somberly, “They are not to be blamed for it. They have done as much as they could do for me…”

“Rupali,” Paritosh intervened, mild irritation evident in his tone, “Why do you always assume that I am up in arms against them? I appreciate them as much as you do Rupali. For what they have done for you. And even if I think they could have been careful about Rohan, I don’t blame them for what he is. And I understand how much respect and gratitude you feel towards them. You don’t need to defend them before me.”

“I.. I am…” Rupali was embarrassed.

“Rupali. The only time I disagree with you is when you start holding yourself responsible. Blaming Rohan’s parents might be wrong, but blaming you is even more wrong than that. And that’s it. That’s all I would ever try to convince you of.”

“I am sorry. Please don’t be mad at me,” Rupali said in a small voice.

“Come on, Rupali. I am not mad at you.”

“I… I didn’t realize that I had started sounding like that. I know that you understand. And probably that’s the reason fate has pushed you in between all this. It wanted me to have some support. I am really sorry.”

“You are one difficult woman Rupali. Here I was trying to rid you of one guilt. And you have managed to start feeling another one. For me, this time. Will you stop this?”

Rupali smiled and threw her hands up in the air in resignation.

“That’s better,” Paritosh said with a patronizing smile.

—

“Rupali. So, you got the night duty tonight? Couldn’t go for Dr. Shekhar’s wedding, eh?” Paritosh found Rupali in the common room at night. Most of the doctors were going to attend their colleague’s wedding. So, Paritosh had decided to stay on for the night.

“I volunteered,” Rupali smiled in reply.

“Hmm… And I have noticed that you are volunteering a lot of extra duties these days.”

She just shrugged and continued smiling.

“Is that how you are coping with what happened? Because you aren’t talking much to me. Are you talking to anyone at all?” he asked and was taken by surprise when she giggled at his question.

“That sounds like a boss of mine I know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Being a workaholic to deal with things… loneliness, let’s say. That’s you Dr. Khanna?”

“And not you?”

“I am learning from the best.”

“In that case you are learning the wrong things.”

“Is it? Why do you practice wrong things then?”

Paritosh sighed, “You are difficult.”

“That’s not fair. You brought up the topic. So… Can I ask you something? About you?”

Paritosh looked quizzical, “Shoot.”

“If you don’t want to answer, you can just say so… Please don’t be offended if…”

“Ask the question Rupali. Let me hear it before I decide what do I want to do with it.”

“Why this loneliness?”

“We don’t decide to be lonely, Rupali. Life throws it at us.”

“In that case, a more specific question. Why didn’t you ever get married? That seems to be the ultimate cure for people’s loneliness.”

“Is it?”

“That’s what people say.”

“Hmm…”

“Hmm?”

“What should I tell you?”

“Whatever is the truth… To the extent you are comfortable in sharing it…”

“We have both been orphans, Rupali. But the difference is that… you know where you come from. I don’t…”

“That is… likely to be painful… at least at times… But what does it have to do with…”

“Why do you think Daar ji was so mad at your mother?”

“Because she married against his wishes? Outside the community?”

He nodded, “So, in this society where does someone with no idea whatsoever about his family stand? Nowhere!”

“Surely, not everyone is like Daar ji. And even he changed, didn’t he? Otherwise he would never have adopted you.”

“Right. Daar ji changed… But unfortunately not her father…”

“Whose?”

“Chand. She was the daughter of one of Daar ji’s friends.”

“Oh!”

“We were… well… I thought we were in love. I had heard Daar ji beg him for my… our happiness. But he was adamant. He couldn’t marry his daughter off to someone with a questionable blood line.”

“And she?”

“She wasn’t as headstrong as your mother,” Paritosh smiled sadly.

“I… I am sorry.”

“Thinking rationally, it really is not a big deal, Rupali. Today one can not get under my skin with such things… But we are much more insecure when we are younger. Small, little things can throw us off our game…”

“If you understand that, why didn’t you move on later?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. Probably some things are not meant to be.”

That seemed to resonate with her, as she nodded her head thoughtfully. “Some things are not meant to be…” she mumbled after him.

“You are learning the wrong thing again?” he spoke with a chuckle drawing her attention back.

“Excuse me?”

“What you need to learn is that when we are young, things affect us much more. We shouldn’t let those experiences dictate our entire life.”

Rupali smiled fondly, “You should be a motivational speaker or something…”

“I am not sure if that is a complement or sarcasm.”

“Complement,” she replied, “Time for me to take another round.”

He felt like joining her, but resisted. He shouldn’t suffocate her by imposing too much. Although he did worry a lot about how she was doing. He proposed something, “After the night duty, could we have breakfast together?”

She appeared surprised at this, but smiled immediately, “Sure. Where?”

“At my home?”

“Okay,” she nodded and left.

—

To be continued