Tag: Rohan

Destined (Part 30 – Last Part)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

It was a couple’s therapy session, which they had gone for on advice from Dr. Mathew. They walked to the car silently, still reeling emotionally from the experience.

Paritosh had to drive. But Rupali was so overwhelmed that she leaned back on the passenger’s seat and closed her eyes. They had been asked to speak out their feelings for each other. And why did they feel the way they did?

“At first it was the professional admiration,” Paritosh had said about her, “She had the tolerance for everything unnerving that came with the profession. And still a compassion for people. I had seen too many people lose one for the other. Then it was a curiosity that drew me to her. She showed a strange mix of strength and helplessness… And then a connection. A shared pain of orphanhood. A shared past. But despite all the pain, helplessness, loneliness, sense of abandonment, her strength shone through. She herself did not realize it, but she had never given up on life. Always held on to something to carry her through. Her studies, her profession… And she was not bitter. She could act on my wisdom, which I had myself never acted on. She was… she is my hope… for life.”

Could she really mean that much to him? More than a protegee, a helpless girl in need of help, or a muse? She meant “hope” for him? Him saying that meant the world to her. The last shreds of doubt about herself, about their relationship were gone!

Even thought Paritosh was too responsible a person to not pay attention to the road and traffic while driving, it did not keep his mind free from the thoughts of the session.

“I could talk about a thousand times when he has been there for me,” she had said, “But he had me the very first time… When he stopped Rohan in the hospital… From forcing himself on me… Nobody else cared, or noticed earlier; and if they did, they looked the other way, they never said anything. That was the first time anyone had stood up for me. That was the first time I felt that… it might still be possible to save myself, my dignity…”

He hadn’t thought about that incident in a long time now. It meant so much to her!! That hesitant, unsure intervention? He had considered “looking away”. He couldn’t thank God enough that he didn’t act on that. Instead he had listened to his heart.

They were about to reach his house, when her phone rang. She picked it up reluctantly.

“Kaku?” She got attentive on seeing the number, “Hello Kaku… What? Oh… Oh my God! Dr. Khanna,” she looked at him and spoke urgently, “We need to go to the hospital.” He nodded, a thousand questions popping up in his mind. “We are on our way Kaku. Please remain calm. Everything will be all right.”

“What happened?” he asked as soon as she disconnected the call.

“Kakima had a heart attack. Kaku was too flustered. I could not get much information out of him. She is in the hospital.”

“Won’t take us more than twenty minutes. Don’t worry, okay?”

She nodded.

—

Rohan had escaped from the medical facility and had assaulted a girl. She was saved by the staff finding him just in time. But her family had filed a case. He might not have to go to jail because of his mental status, but it was going to be either the facility or the jail for him. Damyanti had not taken the news well.

“She kept asking for you Rupa,” Sabyasachi told her, as they waited outside the ICU.

“Me?” Rupali was surprised. Shouldn’t it have been Rohan?

“She thought that if you did not forgive her and Rohan, we’d never have a normal life again.”

“Oh my God!” Rupali buried her head in her hands, “How do I ever convince her Kaku, or you that I never bore any ill-will towards you? How can I Kaku? Am I so ungrateful?”

“Of course not, my child,” Sabyasachi tried to get control of his emotions, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you about her incoherent ramblings. I was just… I am not in control of myself…”

“Everything will be all right. The best cardiologist in the city, in the entire country, is with her right now. Please Kaku. Take care of yourself.”

He nodded and sighed.

—

There wasn’t much to be done at the hospital. Damyanti had survived the attack. But she would wake up only by evening. Sabyasachi refused to leave the hospital for even a moment. So, they arranged a room for him in the hospital itself and came back to Paritosh’ house. They had a late lunch, mostly in silence. Then Rupali followed Paritosh to his room. He had hardly spoken anything since the phone call about the heart attack, except for the bare minimal formalities in asking after Damyanti at the hospital. And thanks to the effect of the earlier session, they hadn’t talked much in the car before that either. It was a confusing situation for Rupali. What was he thinking?

“What happened?” she asked directly.

“Nothing,” his reply was non-committal, “Or probably a lot. How are you feeling?”

She gave a knowing smile, “Why does it always have to be about me first Dr. Khanna? Why don’t you speak about yourself for a change?”

Paritosh looked surprised by her reply. Then he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. Rupali followed the suit.

“What is it?” she goaded, “You have to talk to me.”

“Rupali. You are already under too much pressure…”

“What pressure? Kakima’s health is upsetting, but what is there to feel pressurized about?”

“Let it go, Rupali. Some other time.”

“No. No way,” she was adamant, “Are you seeing some divine connection between what happened to Rohan or Kakima and us? I know you. You are prone to thinking like that…”

“If I could, I would take you away from all of this, so that you never have to hear about Rohan again. But… This morning I had thought that we’d taken a big step towards each other. And by now it seems like you have been pushed away again. I’m… I’m probably not thinking straight. I am sorry, Rupali. I might be hurting you… And I don’t intend to be insensitive towards Mrs. Moitra, but it’s just that…”

His ramblings were silenced by Rupali suddenly holding his hands and clutching them tight. He stopped talking and looked down at their hands in surprise. Rupali then lifted one of his hands and gently caressed his cuff-links.

“What is it with the cuff-links?” he asked suddenly, “Why do you stare at them all the time.”

Rupali was taken by surprise. Her reaction to the cuff-links had been noticeable, it meant. She smiled, “There was something I should have said in the session, but I did not. For some reason. However, since you are such a believer in seeing divine connection, let me tell you this.”

He looked at her questioningly, when she paused. Assured that she had his attention, she went on. She told him about her nightmare and the helping hands she had seen. And how in the morning she had realized that she had seen his hands.

“I must have known subconsciously, Dr. Khanna,” she concluded, “That you would be there for me. If there is a divine connection, it is this. Here. Between us. Otherwise, we being together was impossible.”

“You are crazy, Rupali.”

“So are you. But this ‘pushing away’ business is over, Dr. Khanna. Nobody, nothing is going to push me away any longer. Just one thing…”

“What is it?” he was easily alarmed.

“The past can not be erased. They are my parents. Guilty or not, they are not going to turn their back on me. Or me on them. And Rohan is their son. He and his issues will come up every now and then. Kaku has promised me that he won’t bring him back to Kolkata. Now, he can’t do that even if he wanted to. But I can not wipe those names off my life, Dr. Khanna. Will you be able to take it?”

“I can take a lot more,” Paritosh replied in a hoarse, urgent voice, “So long as you are there.”

And in an uncharacteristic act, she lifted his hand even further, bent down a bit planted a quick kiss on it. When she looked up, she met with an intense gaze from Paritosh. Today, thought, she was able to hold it. She went ahead, put her arms around him, leaned on him, and nuzzled his chest and hollow of the neck. The effect it had on him was too much for him to handle. He held her and pushed her away a bit.

“Don’t do this,” his voice was hoarser and his eyes dark.

“Why not?” she whispered back.

“You are driving me crazy. I’ll break my promise…”

“I don’t care. I want to jump through all the steps remaining between us.” With this she closed her eyes and her lips pouted, just a little, expecting to be kissed.

The invitation was impossible to resist and Paritosh crashed his lips on hers. This must be how the heroines in the romantic novels felt, Rupali could not help thinking to herself. This kiss was something she could look forward to – again & again!

He bent over her and started kissing and nibbling on her neck and earlobes. She was surprised at the sensations it created in her body. Rohan had never done that. Not surprising. He was always driven by his own needs. Groping her wherever he felt like. But why was she thinking about that jerk at this special moment. Her head turned, as Paritosh moved to the other side of her neck. And she saw the door.

“Dr. Khanna,” she hissed with difficulty. Her throat was giving way to his sweet assaults on her body.

He withdrew immediately, looking concerned. Was she not ready?

She pointed towards the door with her hands. “Please lock it,” she managed to say.

Paritosh sighed in relief and got up, but did not leave her behind. He took her with him to the door, locked it and pinned her against it.

“You are sure?” he wanted another confirmation.

“Please stop asking questions,” she was miserable. With her anticipation and desires!!

“You can still stop me anytime, okay?”

She just managed to nod. And he busied himself with her body. She soon found herself responding to his actions. She ran her fingers through his hair, gently at first, then urgently. She ran them over his back, spine and chest. She had never touched Rohan, except when he forced her hands on himself and… Stop thinking about him, Rupali. Don’t spoil this. She threw away those thoughts. And she did not realize when he had taken her back to the bed. She remembered him hissing in her ears once, “You will need a pill after this. But once is okay.” Will he stop thinking!

And finally he entered her. It was strange at first, but he was gradual, slow and gentle. Soon, she had settled in the rhythm and started enjoying the ride. She was thankful that Rohan had spared her this. Else, she would have had horrible memories associated with it. She didn’t. She could enjoy it.
Their union!

Paritosh suddenly turned towards her, as they lay spent on the bed, basking in the after-effects of their love-making. “Marry me, Rupali,” he said suddenly.

She was taken by surprise. But she managed to come back, “You are wicked, Dr. Khanna. You ask me, when I am at my vulnerable best.”

His face twitched, “I… I am sorry. I didn’t…”

She chuckled and shook her head, “I am joking.”

“You can tell me later,” he was still serious.

“Dr. Khanna,” she spoke somberly and sat up slightly, pulling the bed-cover over her naked body, “You are way too sweet. To ask me. I had presumed it. I thought you had too. If you hadn’t, you can now.”

She hadn’t seen a bigger grin on his face earlier. He also sat up and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Thank you,” he said.

“Seriously?” Rupali raised her eyebrows dramatically, “Thank you?”

They laughed slightly and hugged.

“This has given peace of mind not just to me, Rupali. But when we announce it, it would give peace to all the people who feel guilty for either of us. Chand, Moitras.”

“Ah! I have been fooled. It is for their love that you want to marry me, not mine,” Rupali joked.

“Shut up,” Paritosh replied playfully.

“Or else?”

“I will shut you up,” he said and to demonstrate kissed her on her lips long and hard.

“Let’s catch up on some sleep,” he said after breaking the kiss, “Night duty.”

“As you say, wise man!” Rupali teased him and they lied down in each other’s arms.

– The End –

Destined (Part 29)

Posted Mish3 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“So, tell me Rupali. What do you feel is not right with you?” Dr. Mathew asked after their session restarted. Paritosh had briefed him and he didn’t insist on hearing it from Rupali.

“Nothing is right with me.” her voice was weak and her eyes downcast, “And I can’t stop feeling that way.”

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way, Rupali. You have been through more than most people can imagine in their worst nightmares. Losing your parents, years of abuse, two near-deaths experiences…”

And the tears that she did not want flowing before a stranger started coming out of her eyes. Dr. Mathew discreetly pushed a box of tissue paper towards her and she helped herself to it.

“What kept you going all those years?” He asked.

“I wanted to be a doctor. Mummy wanted me to…”

“And you are a doctor now. Which college did you go to?”

“AIIMS.”

“Wow! Amongst top 30 in the entrance examination, then? What was you rank?”

“8th.”

“Top 10! Everything was not wrong with life, was it?”

Rupali wiped her tears with her hands this time. With the back of her hands, Paritosh could not help noticing. Then she shook her head.

“And you graduated with flying colors, I believe. To have landed with this internship offer.”

She nodded.

“You have gone through what most people won’t imagine even in their worst nightmares. And yet you have achieved what most people won’t imagine even in their best dreams. Am I right?”

For the first time during the session, she looked up. She looked sideways at Paritosh and then back at Dr. Mathew. Then she nodded her head.

“Tell me, how do you feel? On your average day?”

“Sometimes, I am fine. Even happy,” she replied. She was finally relaxing and opening up, “And yet at other times, I feel hopeless. Most of the time actually…”

“And since when have you been feeling like this?”

“Since forever, it feels…” her voice drowned. Then she continued, “But it has been worse after coming back to Kolkata.”

“You felt trapped, day in and day out.”

“Yes,” her voice was barely audible. She seemed to be reliving the troubles of last few months.

“Tell me about it.”

“Rohan wasn’t around me for such long periods earlier. I used to try and forget about the days when he was… But after coming back… It became impossible.”

“You don’t have any close friends?”

“I didn’t,” she said and then hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Now I do.” Despite the clinical environment, she blushed and downcast her eyes.

Paritosh smiled slightly and pressed her hand.

“Who?”

Rupali looked at him startled. Why would he ask? Wasn’t it obvious?

Dr. Mathew seemed to have read her thoughts, “Speak it out. It will feel good.”

“Dr. Khanna,” she gulped and barely managed to speak.

“So, even today, everything is not wrong with life, is it?” he smiled.

“It shouldn’t feel that way. But it still does… I am sorry,” she suddenly turned to Paritosh.

“I understand,” Paritosh assured her hastily.

“He does, Rupali,” Dr. Mathew concurred, “And its not your fault. You are suffering from depression.”

“How do I get out of it?”

“Just like you recover from any other illness. Good news is that your depression is only mild to moderate. And not severe. In severe depression, people find it impossible to function. You are highly functional. In fact, an achiever. You manage fine at work, right?”

She nodded. “Manages rather well.” Paritosh said, “Even after sleepless nights, she has never been found to make a mistake.”

“That’s great. And insomnia is also most likely due to depression.”

“What is the treatment, then?”

“There are two ways. And they can be used in combination. Which is what I will recommend for you. For mild depression, usually therapy is good enough. But you have suffered for too long, and there are chances of it getting to moderate levels. So, we’d also supplement it with medicines.”

“Medicines?” Rupali sounded unsure.

“Don’t worry. We now have medicines that don’t have any side effects. We can always adjust the dosage or even change the prescription, if you see any problems. It will aid your recovery. It is not like you are going to become dependent on drugs. You are a doctor yourself. You would have studied some of it. If you want, you can read up more and assure yourself.”

She looked at Paritosh and on his assuring blink nodded to Dr. Mathew.

“I am going to write it down here. My assistant will give you the schedule and appointments for therapy sessions. Some can be attended alone, others are recommended to be attended by close family, friends or significant others. Okay?”

She nodded again.

“Is there anything else in particular you are worried about?”

Rupali made to say something, and then stopped. How would she talk about it? She could live with her depression all her life. What she did not want was Paritosh to live with her depression all his life. She wanted a normal life with him. And that would mean…

“Yes?”

Rupali gulped and looked around everywhere except at Paritosh and Dr. Mathew.

“Rupali,” Paritosh said, “I think it would help if I stepped out.”

“But…” she was afraid that he might have been offended.

“It’s okay. You are safe here.” He wasn’t offended! He was too busy looking out for her comfort.

She nodded and he left, “I am right outside. In the lobby.”

“Yes, Rupali. Tell me. It’s absolutely confidential, non-judgmental and safe.”

“I… I am afraid of never having a normal…” she hesitated and them used the euphemism, “married life.”

“You mean sexual life?” he came to the point.

She gulped and nodded.

“You don’t like the idea of having sex with anyone?”

“I go frigid.”

“It’s a difficult situation. You need a patient partner.”

“I couldn’t have a more patient one.”

“Sometimes even we doctors have to say it Rupali. But let’s keep our fingers crossed. God willing, you will be all right and perfectly healthy.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“All the best!”

—

Paritosh was pacing anxiously in the lobby, when Rupali came out. He stopped as soon as he spotted her and waited for her to come up to him.

“Are you all right?” he asked gently.

She nodded with a slight smile. They met Dr. Mathew’s assistant and took the appointment and medicine prescriptions.

“Was it exhausting?” Paritosh asked after they had stepped out of the clinic.

“It was. But it is for good, I guess?”

“Yes. But I just want to tell you Rupali that you should not feel pressurized…”

“I am under pressure Dr. Khanna. But not from you. From myself. From my own wishes.”

He sighed, “And since you have set your mind to it, I am sure you will be able to do it.”

“Hope so.”

“So, what do you want to do now?” They were not on duty that day.

“I want you to finish your painting. And… I don’t mind posing, if it helps.”

Paritosh felt happy. “Sure,” he said brightly and they drove off.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 25)

Posted Mish8 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“You look tired. You are obviously tired. Want some tea?” Paritosh asked when Rupali went to his room.

“Later Dr. Khanna.”

They went silent for a few moments. Then Paritosh started speaking, “Last night…”

“You talked,” she gave a nervous, half-smile.

“I did… I am too old to play this hide and seek Rupali.”

“And I have been telling you to go away without ever giving a reason. But it’s not like I have tried to go away myself. I forced you into this hide and seek.”

“Do me a favor Rupali. Stop berating yourself for everything. Stop saying things like you are damaged, messed up, or that you forced me for something…”

“But I am… And embarrassing as it is, I am going to tell you all today. I am going to give you the reason why I always ask you to go away. It has nothing to do with my feelings. Because… well… if you have not realized it till now then let me tell you that there is no end to how much I adore you. And not just because you have done me favors. But because of the person you are. The strength of your character, the gentleness of your heart… And all of this probably sounds like a character from Austen’s novels, but it’s just true…”

“Why then, Rupali? Is it me or my feelings that you are not sure of? The entire world seems to see right through them. Since before I have known them myself. Don’t you?”

“Even if that was the case at some point of time, that’s not so now. Not after last night.”

“Then?”

“Feelings are where a relationship begins Dr. Khanna. And then there is a life to be shared…”

“You think we are not compatible?”

She surprised him by suddenly turning away so that her back faced him, “I am just going to say this a doctor-to-doctor. And still I don’t have the heart to see your reaction. So, I am not facing you. Dr. Khanna – emotionally I may heal. In fact, emotionally I may not be that damaged. I had compartmentalized well there. But my body… If you touch me, I will go frigid. That is the only reaction my body knows. I am twenty-three. And I am a doctor. I know a few things about human body… And I know that there are natural desires… And I have never felt them. Never. Not for anybody. Not even for…” she bit her lips. She could not say “you”. “If Rohan was still in my life,” she continued, “It wouldn’t have mattered. He lived in his own delusional, happy world. He would never have noticed. But you… You will notice. You look at my face and you know that I am mad about you talking to Kakima. When I myself may not be sure if I am mad. You hear me talk about my appointment with the psychiatrist and you know that I am lying. You know me Dr. Khanna. And you would know when I… And both of us will be miserable.”

She was terrified after she had spoken. Was it a bad idea? What would he think of her now? Would their camaraderie be destroyed? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Should she just walk out and go home? Would they, then, go back to being the boss and the intern and forget that this ever happened?

The silence had been there barely for half a minute. But Rupali felt like it had been hours. Then he walked around and came to face her.

“Thank you,” he said startling her into looking up at him, “For talking.”

She didn’t know what to say and she felt like she was supposed to say something. “I should leave,” she finally mumbled and looked around distracted as if trying to ensure that she was not leaving anything behind.

“Don’t go away, Rupali. Don’t go away from me, or my life. I promise you, I will not touch you. And I will not let anyone lay a finger on you.”

She stared at him agape.

“I mean,” he closed his eyes trying to go from an emotional to a practical conversation, “If you want to go to your home right now. Or later. That’s fine. I will drop you myself. But don’t go away… not from my life.”

Her eyes dropped to the floor as she spoke, “Either you didn’t understand what I said. Or you are reacting hastily.”

He sighed audibly, “You don’t believe me?” Was it hurt in his voice?

“Dr. Khanna. It’s not like that…”

“I am not blaming you. Can you sit down for a moment?”

She nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed like last night. He also followed the suit.

“I was hasty… Not in my reaction. But in my speaking it out.”

That puzzled her. He paused for a moment before continuing, “You will probably understand me better, if I started by assuring you that I don’t think your problem is trivial. Nor have you been an idiot to make an issue out of it. And trust me. I understand why you didn’t talk about it till now. And how much of an effort it has been for you, even today.” She fought back a drop of tear that threatened to come out of her eyes. It had taken her a lifetime of effort and will power to say what she had just said. “I will be extremely honest with you, I had thought of a thousands of possibilities about what could be bothering you. And if you thought it was too early for you to decide, or that we were not compatible, I wouldn’t have said a single word to convince you otherwise. But among those thousand possibilities, I didn’t think of this bothering you. Why didn’t I think? I don’t know. I just didn’t. Probably there are some pains, some hurt that only you know, not even the person who knows you the best. But as you spoke Rupali, I was not surprised. The life you have had… It had to leave the hurt somewhere.”

“Why would you then…”

“Because you make me happy and hopeful about life. It is as simple as that. I am just grateful to fate that your emotional or mental hurt isn’t beyond healing. And sex… That can be one manifestation of love, but not the only one. Love is about things beyond that… And I haven’t felt that in a long time. What I have today… I don’t want to lose it.”

“Tomorrow might be different. You might find someone.”

“If history is anything to go by, I am not looking. But still, who am I to predict the future, right? If I do find someone in future, for whom I would like to forsake you, then you will be hurt once again. Your faith will be destroyed once again. Do you think you can take the risk with me?”

She was disarmed. And speechless.

“What am I supposed to do?” she mumbled, “This isn’t real. I hadn’t imagined being in a situation like this. Am I schizophrenic or something? Am I am imagining you? This entire thing? I don’t know how to react.”

“Oh, you have handled worse,” Paritosh replied with mock seriousness, “I’m sure you will figure something out.” Then he chuckled.

But Rupali was still lost. “What do I do?”

“Have your dinner here. Then let me drop you home,” Paritosh said seriously, “You won’t have another change of dress with you, right? And you are terribly exhausted. Have a good night’s sleep. That will clear your mind as well. And tomorrow morning, if you still have any objections to what I want, tell me. If not, well… there is nothing extra to do be done. Our life is good. And I would be a very, very happy man. Come now. I’m sure some dinner is ready.”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 24)

Posted Mish1 CommentPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Absent-mindedly she walked towards the room where he had shown her the paintings. Some of them were still uncovered. Including Daar ji’s portrait. She stood before that for a while, as if wondering if this blood-related elder of hers would be able to help her. She looked around and realized that Chand’s painting had been covered again. And then she noticed a fresh painting… She walked closer and what she saw did not surprise her, but it made her cry again. He was making a portrait of hers. From memory. The entire face was outlined, but only the eyes, forehead and part of hair had been painted. She tore her eyes away from the painting and looked at Daar ji’s portrait again. Could she sort it out?

—

“Please call me as soon as he wakes up,” Rupali told the elderly housekeeper before leaving for the duty in the morning, “He might look for me and get worried. I need to go to the hospital.”

“Sure Dr. Rupali.”

She herself was tired and sleepy. But it wasn’t the first time she would be on duty in that state. Now, she was almost used to it. She informed the admin that Dr. Khanna might not come on duty and went about her work. She spent her breaks quietly on the terrace practicing how she will talk to Paritosh. And her mobile rang. It wasn’t the housekeeper, but Paritosh himself.

“Tai told me that you are in the hospital?” his voice told her that he had just woken up.

“Yeah. I woke up. So, I thought…”

“Or you didn’t sleep?”

She sighed, “I am fine Dr. Khanna. I will come back there once my duty is over. I have told the admin you won’t be coming today. So, you can just take rest.”

“But…”

“Please. I am fine. Really.”

—

“But why would you take her to Darjeeling, Dr. Khanna?” Sabyasachi and Paritosh were speaking on phone, “Isn’t that the reason why I had sent him away from Kolkata? That I didn’t want any trouble for either of them. Do you think it has been easy on me?”

“I had no clue that he was no longer in the facility? And why should she be restricted by where Rohan is? What is her fault?”

“Please Dr. Khanna. Try to understand. He was doing fine.”

“Fine enough trying to kill people,” Paritosh was rude and angry, “If that was fine, it is better that he is back in the hospital. Please try to understand Mr. Moitra. If you act like everything is normal, when it isn’t, it won’t be good for him either. Sooner or later, he would be in trouble.”

“How is Rupa?” The rational man inside Sabyasachi did not have any argument against Paritosh. So, he didn’t try to continue arguing. But he was torn between his rationality and his love for his family. It wasn’t just Rohan who had fallen apart, Damyanti too.

“Holding up. As ever,” Paritosh was not satisfied, but he realized that this argument would lead nowhere. And Rupali would definitely not be happy if he said anything inappropriate to Moitras. “It is me, who is shaken Mr. Moitra. She doesn’t know I called you. She went to Darjeeling because it had memories of her parents. They had met there. She didn’t even remember that Rohan was there. If you do think we were at fault, it was me. Not her. Please don’t say anything to her.”

“What can I say to her, Dr. Khanna, except to apologize, again and again, pointlessly.”

Paritosh sighed and changed the subject, “I will see you during the board meeting this Friday, then.”

“Sure Dr. Khanna. Bye.”

—

Sabyasachi called Rupali and much to her embarrassment apologized profusely. Then he asked her if he could meet her after her duty and drop her home too. Rupali hesitated for a while. She had to go to Paritosh’ house. What would Kaku think of her going there. But… how did any of it matter any longer. So, she agreed.

“I didn’t remember at all Kaku that he was there. I am sorry,” she apologized to him after getting into his car.

“You shouldn’t have to Rupa. But I know that you would not knowingly do that… And anyway he had no business being in the convention. I don’t know what took him there.”

“You didn’t go there, Kaku?”

“Your Kakima has gone. I have some work. You had come back by car, right? Why didn’t you take the day off?”

Rupali looked alarmed, “Dr. Khanna talked to you?”

Sabyasachi nodded.

“Kaku. He is angry… If he said anything, please…”

“He is angry, yes. But he didn’t say anything wrong. Are you not angry? Being on death’s door. Twice. Because of my son…”

“Kaku. Are you not angry? At me? If you hadn’t brought me home, none of this would have happened?”

“It was good I brought you home, Rupa. I, at least, have one child who is doing well for herself.”

“I am angry at him Kaku. But how can I be angry at you?”

“I won’t accept it before others. But what Dr. Khanna thinks is right. I did try to influence medical opinion with… I can hold myself together, work rationally, but your Kakima…”

“Kaku. I promise I will never ever go to Darjeeling again. Or if you want to send him somewhere else, or even bring him back to Kolkata, I won’t set foot in that city. Just tell me…”

“No. I won’t bring him to Kolkata.”

“I will ask Dr. Khanna not to speak to you about it again…”

“It’s okay child. He is a reasonable man. I am happy you have him.”

Rupali flushed. They stayed silent for a while, until they reached the signal from where hers and Paritosh’ homes were in different direction. She took and deep breath and spoke, “Kaku. Please drop me at Dr. Khanna’s place. I have to talk to him.”

“Not about…”

“No. Not about it.”

He nodded and took the turn towards Paritosh’ house. He dropped her there and left without going in. She could not insist either. If somebody’s life and relationships could be awkward, it was hers.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 23)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

He didn’t say a word to console and comfort her; just held her until her sobs had subsided. Then he gently spoke, “Wash your face, freshen up. We’ll leave right away.”

“But the convention…”

“It was a bad idea to begin with…”

“I had completely forgotten that Rohan was in Darjeeling…”

“I hadn’t. But I didn’t think a madman would be let lose like this.”

For the first time Rupali noticed that Paritosh was angry. Extremely angry. She vaguely remembered that he had called Rohan ‘mad’ even before other doctors, not a more medically appropriate “mentally disturbed”. And he had called him names. Very uncharacteristic of him. He was gentlemanliness personified. He called even people many years his junior by their surnames. His anger, his emotions were always controlled. But Rohan had made him forget his manners… Or… No… Rohan hadn’t. She had. She had made him forget his manners. He made his disgust and anger so obvious because her life was in danger… She had that effect on him…

“Keeping him in an institution would be better use of all the money Moitras have, than spending it on certifying him fit and trying to settle him into a normal life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That son of a… I am sorry,” he suddenly became conscious of his digression, “He has a practice here. Set up with the help of his father, of course. How can a mentally disturbed person be entrusted to cure others. I am sorry, Rupali. But despite all the respect you have for them, I can not condone this senselessness on their part. Just because he is their son…” His voice trailed off.

“Let’s leave,” she said in a small voice and walked to the bathroom to wash her face.

—

Their train would leave only late at night. But Paritosh did not wait for it. He hired the cab the to take them all the way to Kolkata. Half way through their journey, he saw Rupali shifting uncomfortably in her seat. He had been brooding silently till then and hadn’t realized that it was too long a journey to be comfortably covered by car.

“Please stop at the next petrol pump or motel,” he told the driver, then turned to Rupali, “It was a bad idea, wasn’t it? It’s too long a journey for car. I’m sorry… I was angry.”

“Please don’t apologize,” Rupali said, fatigue and depression clearly affecting her spirits, “I was as eager to get away.”

“Do you want to stay somewhere for the night. We can start again in the morning…”

“No.”

“Okay. We’ll take a short break then. Here is a motel. Some tea or coffee would be good I think. Please stop the car.”

—

It was three in the morning, when the car finally pulled over in front of Paritosh’ house. They hadn’t talked about her going to his house, but she did not insist otherwise. Paritosh paid the driver and they got down. On entering the house, she automatically walked towards the room she had stayed in earlier.

“Take rest,” he said, “Do you need something?”

She shook her head. He walked over to his bedroom. Rupali changed her clothes. She was tired and lied down on the bed. But despite all energy having been drained out of her body, she could not sleep. She finally gave up and came out of the room. Across the hall, she saw that the light was on in Paritosh’ room too. She walked towards it. The door wasn’t locked, only shut. She opened it slightly and saw Paritosh sitting on a chair near his writing-table. There was a glass full of whiskey there and a bottle that was almost empty. He had been drinking. Rupali didn’t know if he drank. But she had never seen him doing so. She sighed and walked to the table.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” she asked.

“Rupali… What am I to do with you… with us?”

“What… are you… talking about?” Was he drunk?

“It is not like I had planned it, is it? You coming into my life… me in yours… Our shared pain of being orphans… a history connected through Daar ji and your mother… I hadn’t planned any of it… I hadn’t expected any of it… And yet it happened. Why?”

Rupali felt scared to the core. Where was this going? “I don’t know Dr. Khanna… But you should not be so disturbed. Please… Not because of me…”

“No. No. No. Don’t walk away. Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Just sort this out for me, okay?”

“Stay away from me and you will be sorted again,” her voice quivered and her eyes moistened. But she managed to not cry.

“Sorted again? No Rupali. There is no ‘again’ for me. Because I was never sorted. Not in a long time. But you came. And against my better judgment, against any semblance of rationality, I started feeling connected to you… But…”

“I was too messed up myself to sort anything for you.”

“No. No. Why don’t you listen, or try to understand? Why do you have to conclude everything on your own?”

“I’m sorry.” He was clearly drunk. And probably it was for good. Even if in a rambling fashion, he was speaking his heart out. Although Rupali did not know how should she react to him.

“Good. Now listen. What was I saying?” He had lost his train of thoughts, “Why don’t you sit down?” He held her hands and took her to the bed. She sat down at its edge gingerly. He also sat down after her. “It has been a frustrating to and fro ride, Rupali.” He looked directly into her eyes.

“What do you mean?” she tried to hold his gaze.

“Every time I take a step towards you, something or the other pushes either me or you ten steps away. First you were out-of-bounds. Engaged… To that… Never mind. Then that house… It made you so miserable, while all I had wanted was to make you happy… And then knowing your painful past… I wanted to stand by you… But I was afraid I was not enough… I tried to push you away when you could have done most with support…”

“That’s not true. You have stood by me. Always.”

“You are a simpleton… An idiot… You thought I was pushing you away because of Chand, didn’t you?”

She gulped. She had indeed thought so at one point of time. And when Paritosh had clarified that they couldn’t be together, she hadn’t been able to find any alternate explanation of his behavior. She had just pushed those questions away from her mind. But even that pushing away didn’t mean that he wasn’t there for her. Why…

“You thought that, didn’t you?” he repeated his question.

She nodded in reply. She couldn’t lie.

“You were an idiot. You put me on such pedestal that you couldn’t see how scared I was. Of my inadequacy.”

Tears started flowing from her eyes.

“And as if our own confusions were not enough, every guilty person in the world had to draw his or her own conclusion and scare and confuse me ever more… One was Mr. Moitra, who felt guilty for you. Another was Chand, who felt guilty for me…” ‘So, Chand’s tete-a-tete about their relationship had not been restricted only to her,’ Rupali thought somberly, ‘She had been vocal before him too.’

“And then you… You stupid girl .You thought that you were not good enough for me, because… what had you said… you were damaged?” Oh my God! He had heard her conversation with Chand, then. And she didn’t have a clue!

“Damaged? Do you know what that made me feel? My own inadequacy was not so difficult to accept. But you feeling damaged… And that I could have had something to do with that feeling… Do you have any idea how much it hurt?”

“Dr. Khanna… You had nothing to do with… Oh God!” Rupali was openly sobbing now.

“But there was one thing I knew at that instant. That both of us were playing this I-am-not-good-enough-game. And I could not just be a silent spectator. I was aware of your pain, hurt… And I knew about my own insecurities, the habit of loneliness, of being by myself. I couldn’t hurry myself; or you. But I knew I had to take a step. May be those nosy and guilty people had a point. And I tried. But like every other time earlier, Rohan just had to come in. This afternoon… And push you away. Scare you away from me… Why Rupali? Why?”

Fatigue and drinks took over him and he almost fell down on his bed while asking her “Why” again and again. She saw his eyes closing through her tears. She adjusted him on the bed as best as she could. Then found a shawl large enough to cover him. She tip-toed out of his room, trying hard to get her emotions in control.

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 22)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The driver of the hired cab was very jovial and talkative. He took them to be tourists and kept barraging them with information about various tourist places on the way. When there was no specific tourist spot to be shown, he still kept them entertained and busy with the local folk tales, stories of his driving adventures and other anecdotes. But the result of his volubility and constant chatter was that they didn’t get to talk to each other at all. By the time they reached the venue, the convention had already started. At lunch time Paritosh asked Rupali to step out. “I need to talk to you,” he said.

“What happened?”

“Rupali. About last night…”

She didn’t react and waited for him to continue.

“Actually about everything. I don’t know how I make you feel. My behavior is not always consistent. Do I make you feel uncomfortable?”

She stood agape. Where did that suddenly come from? “Why Dr. Khanna? Why are you asking that? And now?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I have slept enough. But you do confuse me.”

“I confuse myself Rupali.”

“Dr. Khanna. If you want me to talk, can I say something?”

“Sure.”

“If I am presuming things, then it’s fine. But if not, you need to move on. And not just from her,” she was referring to Chand and Paritosh understood, “From me too.”

“Rupali,” he sounded hurt, “Speak for yourself…”

“Rupa,” suddenly a familiar voice attracted their attention.

Both of them were startled and Rupali turned pale on seeing Rohan there. As an automatic reaction, Paritosh moved towards Rohan and gently pushed Rupali so that he was almost between them. “What are you doing here?” he asked tersely.

But Rohan ignored him and addressed Rupali, “It is so good to see you, Rupa. After so long. I have been shifted out of the facility and now in OPD care. I have been dying to see you…”

“I don’t want to know anything about you,” she said and made to leave.

“Wait Rupa. Please don’t run away from me. I have been thinking about you so much… I think of pediatrics and I think of you. That’s why I came here. I didn’t even know you would be here…”

“That’s enough,” Paritosh stopped him, held Rupali’s hands and took her away.

“Rupali…”

“Don’t ask me if I am fine Dr. Khanna. I am not and I will never be. Stop wasting your time and you life on me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rupali.”

“Same to you. I need to go to the restroom.” She walked away. Paritosh looked on helplessly. Then he looked around anxiously. Where was Rohan? How much had he really recovered? From the way Mr. Moitra had talked of him last time, it didn’t look like he’d be stable for a long time. And if he had recovered, what effect seeing Rupali and Paritosh would have on him?

—

Rupali was relieved to find the women’s restroom empty. She let go of herself and sobbed piteously. What was she to do with herself? With Dr. Khanna? With the world? Why was she even alive? He had talked about suicidal thoughts yesterday. He apparently had them. She had them too. But somehow, even amidst the miseries of life, the physical pain scared her. That was the only reason she had not committed suicide. Probably she could use some painless drug from the hospital’s store. But…

She heard the sound of the restroom door opening. But before she could find tissues to wipe her tears, or get inside one of the stalls, she heard a click. Someone had locked it from inside. Startled, she looked up. And the dread she had felt when Rohan had pointed a pistol at her came back. So did the feeling of hopelessness that had been her companion through years of abuse at his hands. It was Rohan. Guarding a locked door. Looking mad. He was mad!!

“What are you doing here? This is women’s restroom,” she tried to be in control.

“You always insult me before him. Why?”

“Rohan. It’s not about him. Please… You must leave. What will people think if…”

“I have missed you, Rupa.”

“Rohan please…”

He closed in on her and pinned her violently against the wall without giving her any chance to escape.

“Hel…” Her cries were muffled as he pressed his palm against his mouth. His strength took Rupali by surprise. Even with only hand, he managed to not let her escape. She managed to bite his palm and yell once, although he immediately overpowered her.

A knock came on the door. Somebody had heard her. “Who is it?” It was a woman’s voice. Somebody had heard her. While Rohan was distracted, Rupali managed to shout for help once again.

“You will die at my hands,” he hissed.

“Somebody is stuck in the bathroom,” Rupali heard it even as Rohan’s hand tightened around her neck and she panicked for her life.

“Rupali…” Dr. Khanna! Banging on the door… “Hey. Get away from her…” Someone shouting from the top… the ventilator… Bang… No… it was thud… Were they breaking the door…

The next few minutes – or were they seconds – were a blur. She knew she was going to die. Or was she already dead? No… she must be alive. She was extremely uncomfortable… This can not be death…

“Rupali!” Paritosh shouted as he ran towards her. He looked as mad as Rohan. And madness must bring some strength in people. Rohan had been able to subdue her way too easily. And Paritosh was able to push Rohan away like he was a piece of paper. The world was spinning around her. But she saw those cufflinks as one of his hands went around her head. His other hand held her at waist. He did not let her fall. She was able to breathe now… She will be saved… “Stay with me… Rupali… Breathe… Slowly… Clear the space… Take the bastard away… He is mad…” Yes… she could breathe. She could feel him, see him. “Dr. Khanna.” Yes. She could speak. She wasn’t dead. She wasn’t going to die.

And then… It was all too overwhelming. She didn’t know what to do. She started crying. She was crying before the door had been locked. She cried again…

“Dr. Khanna. I have a room in the hotel. I think you should take her there,” it was an elderly lady.

“Thank you, Dr. Biswas,” he took the keys, “Please take my phone. Call Mr. Sabyasachi Moitra. Ask him about his son’s psychiatrist and hand him over to his doctor.”

“Sure.”

He led Rupali out. She leaned on him and continued crying.

—

To be continued.

Destined (Part 21)

Posted Mish2 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The play was about a painter, who was so engrossed in his art that worldly cares meant nothing to him. He died over his half-finished painting, penniless. After his death, however, his paintings became a rage. The half-finished one sold for crores of rupees.

“What are you thinking?” Paritosh asked while coming back.

“Is it possible to love something so much… Even if it is your art…”

Paritosh laughed, “I don’t know. I have never done that… Though I would love to.”

“People talk about finding peace and contentment in art – of different kinds – painting, singing, dancing, even writing… I wonder if that is possible.”

“I probably won’t die over a half-finished surgery, but I do think I find peace and contentment in my profession. This profession is also like an art…”

Rupali looked surprised at the comparison, “I never thought of it like that.”

Paritosh smiled, “They create paintings, songs, dance performances… We create health, smile, joy, comfort… So, why not?”

“You are right, as usual, of course,” she smiled sweetly and appreciatively.

“If you treat me like some sort of God, I might even go ahead and say that we create life,” Paritosh grinned, drawing a chuckle even from Rupali.

“Where are we going?” she asked when she realized that he did not take the turn towards her home.

“I will drop you later. First we are going to my house. I want to show you something.”

“Is it what you had promised to show me during coffee the other day?”

“Yes.”

Paritosh led her to a room which has obviously not been in use for a while when they reached his home.”Oh my God!” Rupali could not help exclaim. He had just uncovered a beautiful, huge painting of Victoria Memorial and its surroundings. “It’s yours?” she asked obviously awed.

“It has been years…”

“I am no art critic, Dr. Khanna. But this is beautiful. And all these are also your paintings?” she pointed at other covered canvases.

“Yeah,” he looked around wistfully.

“Wow. When did you get time to do all these?”

He chuckled, “Those days we didn’t have Internet to waste our free time on.”

Rupali uncovered a few more of the canvasses. There were paintings of various places in the city, some landmarks, some just slice of life paintings. Then she came across a portrait of an elderly man.

“That’s Daar ji,” Paritosh explained.

“You did portraits too?”

“Not often. Only for people whose memories I wanted to preserve.”

“Daar ji posed for you?”

Paritosh smiled fondly, “He wouldn’t hear a word of it. I did portraits from memory.”

“You don’t paint any longer?”

“Like I said, it has been years.”

“Why did you stop?”

He just shrugged in reply. Rupali moved to different corner of the room.

“No Rupali….” Paritosh tried to stop her from uncovering the canvas lying there, but it was too late. Rupali realized immediately why he was stopping her. It was a portrait of Chand. Half-finished.

“I… I am sorry… I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Her guilty apology surprised him, “No. What the… There is nothing to feel guilty about.”

She smiled nervously, “You should resume painting…”

He looked at her for a moment. Then replied looking thoughtful, “I probably will.”

—

“Are you on duty this Sunday?” Paritosh asked her. They were having breakfast at his place after a night duty. Their duty timings coincided more often than usual these days. Rupali wondered if that was pure coincidence. He had been extra attentive to her as well. He spent a lot of his free time with her. She liked it. She liked it more than she should have liked. But what was it on his part? Care? Friendship? Or was he also thinking what everyone else did? Kaku, Radha, Kakima, Chand…

“Rupali?” he had to call her to bring her out of her thoughts.

“Uh? Sorry… Did you say something?”

“Where are you lost?”

“Nowhere. I didn’t manage my day well yesterday. Am really sleepy after the night duty.”

“Hmm…”

“What were you saying?”

“I asked if you were on duty this Sunday?”

“Umm… no. I had a weekend duty last time.”

“That’s great then. You can come to the convention then?”

“Convention?”

“Regional Pediatrics Convention. It is scheduled for the weekend in Darjeeling. I can’t take off on Saturday. But we could go for Sunday’s sessions. Will have to take a train on Saturday night. Some very good speakers are lined up…”

“Darjeeling?” Rupali did not seem to have heard any other word in what he said.

“What about Darjeeling?”

She smiled, “Mummy & Papa had met in Darjeeling. He taught in her school.”

That made Paritosh smile too, “You haven’t been there before?”

“It’s so close. But no… Somehow I have never been there.”

“Then you must come.”

Rupali suppressed the questions that were bugging her. What was it all on Paritosh’ part? She had an irrational hope. That she would find some peace in Darjeeling.

—

Paritosh took the upper berth on the second AC coach of the train. He seemed fast asleep, but Rupali was unable to sleep. It was one of those days, when she would curl up on her bed and cry the entire night. Not quite knowing why she was crying. But she couldn’t cry in the train. It would wake not only Paritosh up, but also other co-passengers. She was restless. Finally she could not hold herself any longer. She got down from the berth and walked towards the restroom. The attendant of the AC coaches was not there. She was thankful. She let her tears go, thought she bit her lips to avoid making any sound. After a while it was not enough. She was still suffocating. She gingerly walked towards the door of the coach and opened it. Hopefully the cold, night wind will soothe her. She stood there for several minutes, when she suddenly felt a pull on her shoulders. She was pulled back by someone urgently and violently. Her throat was sore from crying, and no sound escaped her, although she was startled and scared.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” she heard his angry voice. It was Paritosh. Oh God! Why was he angry? He took his hands off her shoulders and quickly locked the door back. “Are you out of your mind?” he was still shouting at her. Why? Oh! It suddenly occurred to her.

She coughed and finally found her voice, “Don’t shout at me. I wasn’t jumping off.” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She was startled out of crying. Though that strange sadness which engulfed her from time to time, even amidst best times of her life, refused to leave her.

Paritosh sighed heavily. Then spoke very softly, “Why are you crying?”

She didn’t reply. She didn’t know.

“Does it happen very often?”

Should she lie and put him at ease? Friendship didn’t mean he had to deal with her mess. But she didn’t lie. She nodded in reply.

“I’m sorry. I was scared out of my wits, when I saw you at the door… Of a moving train.”

She gulped and did not reply.

“You probably want to be alone,” he added, “But it is not a good idea. If you don’t want to go back yet, let me stay here.”

“But I don’t know why I was crying. It wasn’t Rohan, or my past or…”

“I’m not asking you the reason. I understand.”

“You do? How?”

He sighed, “I have been through this Rupali. Depression, suicidal thoughts. It still comes back sometimes.”

She smiled sadly, “You are saying this just to make me feel better.”

“No,” his reply was unhesitant and firm, “I’m telling you the truth.”

“What do you do when that happens?”

“I get help.”

“How?”

“Want to guess?”

“Oh! Dr. Mathew?”

He nodded, then asked “You haven’t seen him yet, have you?”

She shook her head, expecting a rebuke.

“Are you better now? You want to go inside?” He completely changed the subject, catching her unawares.

“Uh? Yes – I guess. I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Disturbing your sleep. And… not taking your advice.”

“Rupali. You don’t need to apologize to me. I had guessed you hadn’t taken an appointment yet. But I won’t pester you. There is no magic about a psychiatrist. Things take time to get better. If you are not ready, and don’t cooperate, it isn’t going to work.”

“I give you too much grief, too much worry, don’t I?”

“If you must take the conversation in that direction Dr. Rupali Banerjee. Then listen to me carefully. You give me a lot of hope – of surviving through difficulty, a lot of joy and a sense of purpose.”

The chill that ran down her spine was nothing like what she had felt earlier in her life. It wasn’t the chill of scare. She looked at him in astonishment and then quickly averted her eyes. She walked back to her berth quietly. Paritosh did not climb back on his berth. “Lie down,” he asked her gently. After she did, he sat down on the edge of the berth. “Close your eyes and try to sleep. We have a long day ahead.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She did manage to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

When she woke up in the morning, Paritosh was still sitting on the edge of her berth, leaning back on the coach wall and had fallen asleep. She carefully pulled her legs towards herself and sat up without disturbing him. She looked out. The train was halted. She read the name of the station. They were only two stations and half-an-hour away from New Jalpaiguri station. From there, they would take a hired car to Darjeeling. She got down and went to the bathroom. She would wake him up after coming back.

She met with a harried Paritosh on her way back. He looked relieved, then embarrassed on seeing her. She realized that he was worried again and smiled, “I am fine Dr. Khanna. I just thought I would let you sleep for a while more.”

“Of course,” he grinned, “I was… I guess I am still sleepy. I will go and freshen up.”

“Sure.”

—

To be continued.

Destined (Part 20)

Posted Mish9 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

“So, finally the discharge?” Rupali asked Chand with a smile.

“Yes, I guess it is a happy day.”

“Of course, it is. Are you unsure about it?”

“No Dr. Banerjee. Thanks a lot for everything.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Rupali chuckled nervously. “I take no responsibility whatsoever of your health,” she added with humour.

“For treating my daughters, first of all…”

“I was only doing my duty.”

“And for spending so much of time with me.”

“Well…” Rupali tried to shrug it off, “I was just filling in for Dr. Khanna.”

“Yes. And I wish you would continue doing that for him. Even if he doesn’t ask. Like in this case.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dr. Banerjee. You are not such a smooth liar,” Chand smiled, “Paritosh didn’t ask you to do this extra duty. But thanks a lot for doing that. It meant a lot to me.”

Rupali bit her lips and tried to change the subject, “I should get going. My break is over.”

“Rupali. Just couple of more minutes…”

“Yeah. Sure…” Rupali was uncomfortable, but she didn’t have an option.

“You know about us, right? Me and Paritosh.”

Rupali gulped and nodded.

“Not many people do…”

“I… I am sorry,” Rupali said awkwardly, “But it’s… the information safe with me.”

“No. No. That doesn’t matter. Not any longer. His silence was to keep my marriage safe. But it takes more than that to save a marriage. It doesn’t matter any longer if the entire world knows.”

Does she want to get back? Rupali wondered. But from what Paritosh had said, it didn’t look like an idea he welcomed. But it might just have been his self-defense. He might just…

“This might be the time to pick up from where you left…” Rupali suggested in an almost quivering voice, though she had a smile on her face.

“What? No. Oh my God!”

“I… I am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend…”

Chand laughed out loud at that, “I have been insensitive to him, Rupali. But no. I am not that selfish. He is too nice a person. If I were to ask for it, he’d not shirk my responsibility. But that won’t be fair. That won’t be right. The time is long gone. I have made my life pitiable. But I won’t be able to take his pity. That is not the reason I asked you if you knew about us.”

“Then?”

“The fact that you knew about us tells me that you are special… to him. He trusts you… With his deepest secrets.”

Rupali looked at her surprised. “You give me too much credit,” she said nervously.

“Too little probably. Definitely not too much. By the way, I wouldn’t have brought this up, if I hadn’t thought that he was special to you too. That was the reason you were filling in for him. Even when he didn’t ask you to.”

“What do you want to say?” Rupali sighed in resignation. People won’t leave her alone. But she probably deserved this for spending time with Chand. What was she thinking?

“I want to make a selfish request. Because I feel guilty about him, Rupali. He never moved on. Help him move on. It will make both of you happy. And me too, of course.”

Rupal’s lips twisted in a condescending smile, “Why can’t you get back to him?”

“Like I said Rupali, that time is long gone. My life is about my daughters now. How fair it would be saddle him with my responsibilities and the mess of my life?”

“And what makes you think that my life is not a mess? You have no clue how damaged I am. Probably he has this magical ability to attract messed up women like us to him. That’s why he is unable to move on. His bad luck. But as much as I wish, I am not the answer to his loneliness. He deserves better. Than both of us.”

“Rupali. You…”

“I really should get going Ma’am. Congratulations on getting well. And all the best for your daughters. They are wonderful kids. Take care. Good Bye.”

She turned around to leave, only to find Paritosh at the door. Holy cow! What all had he heard?

“What is going on ladies?” he asked cheerfully. A bit too cheerfully, Rupali thought. But it might be her flustered state of mind.

At least it meant he hadn’t heard anything.

“I just came to meet her once before she is discharged,” Rupali replied. Simultaneously, she look at Chand pleading silently to not talk to Paritosh about it. Chand nodded almost indiscernibly at her.

“I need to go. Bye Ma’am. Bye Dr. Khanna,” Rupali turned on her heels and left. Paritosh looked after her for a moment, then turned back to Chand with a smile.

—

“Free for some coffee?” Paritosh sent her an SMS just as she was leaving after her duty. It was odd. Somehow, she did not associate SMS communication with him.

She called him back, “Did you send an SMS?”

“It was my number, wasn’t it?” he sounded amused.

“Of course,” Rupali felt foolish about her question, “Are you in the office?”

Paritosh laughed out loud, “Your are asking me so many questions in reply to my one innocuous question. Yes. I am in the office. Now can I get my answer?”

“Uh… Yeah… Sure… I have nothing to do in particular.”

“Great then. Let’s meet in the parking lot.”

“What do you normally do in your free time, Rupali?” he asked as they drove to a cafe.

“I read…”

“Ah! And not play or listen to classical music like good Bengalis?”

Rupali chuckled, “No. I am half-punjabi, remember?”

“Of course.”

“Why do you ask? Are you into classical music?”

“Oh no. Not at all. Daar ji was a total business man. Nothing of that kind at home. About studies, however, he was as bad as a Bengali parent.”

Rupali smiled, “So, what do you do in your free time?”

“Haven’t done anything in many years now…”

“Why so? What did you used to do earlier?”

“I will show you sometime…” he smiled wistfully.

“Okay…” she was curious, but could not insist.

They reached the cafe and ordered their coffee. Then Paritosh asked her, “Would you like to watch a play this friday?”

She was awkward, “Do you like watching plays?”

“I do. But I prefer watching when I have company.”

“Hmm… If my company works, then sure…”

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 19)

Posted Mish6 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

Rupali was trying hard to concentrate on her work in the ward. “In that case, if I ask you to take care of her, it won’t be a burden for you, will it?” Sabyasachi’s words wouldn’t leave her and they were making her go red in embarrassment. For the first time, she felt a surge of anger for him. How could he? How could he practically beg to Dr. Khanna like that for her? It didn’t work for her self-respect. And it did not work for how much she cared about Paritosh’ well being. She had been listening to their conversation standing outside his office. She shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t help. Her Kaku and Dr. Khanna were having a personal conversation. It had to be about her! She cringed as it went on. And finally after that moment of begging by Sabyasachi, she had to run away. She understood Sabyasachi’s desire, even a need, to do something for her. To compensate. But he wasn’t helping this way. He should just leave her alone. And Dr. Khanna too. He has already done so much for her… Thrusting her responsibility on him officially would be the last thing she wanted to happen.

“Next tablet at 3 pm please sister,” she deliberately jerked herself out of her thoughts and concentrated on the patient chart she was looking at.

“Sure Dr. Banerjee,” came nurse’s brisk reply.

Ah! The professional conversation. It was comfortable, familiar and there was nothing awkward about it. That is what she would think about. The work! Otherwise, the world was ready to drive her mad. As if she already didn’t have enough to… Concentrate Rupali, concentrate. Next patient…

—

Paritosh was in the lobby when Rupali came out after finishing her duty to sign in the duty register.

“Good evening, Sir,” she greeted him in a calm voice, although she was dreading meeting him. She had managed to avoid it all day. But for how long?

“Good evening, Rupali. You are done?”

“Yeah.”

“I was also about to leave. I can drop you home.”

Rupali sighed. So, the begging was bearing fruits already.

“I am not going home,” she lied.

“Where are you going?”

She had spoken without thinking. Now, she had to think on her feet again. “To see Dr. Mathew,” she spoke and then regretted that too.

“You already got an appointment? I thought his clinic was quite busy.”

Damn! He would find out.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I can drop you there. I had to meet my CA anyway. Some of the business papers need my signature. He lives in that part of the town. Come with me.”

Rupali followed him feeling out of her wits. This was ridiculous. She finally confessed when he pulled out of the hospital parking lot, “Dr. Khanna. I don’t have an appointment. You can drop me home.”

He didn’t look surprised, “And my CA doesn’t live there. Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t want to bother you with this dropping me home business, that’s all.”

“Rupali. I am not as wise, rational, strong as you make me to be. If you push me away this strongly, I will not be able to hold my position. I will go away. Because at the very least, I wouldn’t like to do to you what Rohan did. I wouldn’t like to impose on you, to suffocate you…”

“Please don’t compare yourself to Rohan. It is an injustice to you, and to my ability to discern.”

“All I want to say Rupali is that… I would like it if you let me stay around.”

“I can’t Dr. Khanna,” her eyes were glued to her lap and she was biting her lips.

The disappointment and rejection made Paritosh flush. But he asked calmly, “Can I ask why?”

“I feel like a broken tape recorder, but still… I can’t let you stay and fuss over me or worry about me because… well you see what I am. A messed up person. And is it a surprise that I don’t want anyone else saddled with my mess? Much less someone I really respect and adore…” she stopped. She would reveal more than she intended to.

“There is… Okay look,” he pulled over on finding some space where he could park the car for a while. A moving car wasn’t the best place to have such a conversation, “Where is the mess Rupali? It is all behind you. Rohan is out of your life. His parents don’t grudge you. They, in fact, care for you. There is no mess. Not any longer. You are out of it.”

“If there is no mess, why does anyone need to worry about me? Why do I have to… see a psychiatrist…”

“Your logic would do a great disservice to your own profession Dr. Banerjee,” Paritosh smiled amusedly, “Someone falls ill. He needs the help of a doctor. Sometimes it could be a condition long in existence, which did not get detected or got ignored earlier. Would you say that his life is in a mess, his family should not be by his side, or that he should not be making friends or living his life?”

Rupali looked up at him in amazement. She spoke after a while in a low, deliberate tone, “You say things like those and you want me to believe that you are not wise, rational?”

Paritosh tensed a little, “Rupali. I have a messed up confession to make about that.”

She looked at him questioningly.

“When you say that, you make me nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Yes. Nervous. Don’t get me wrong Rupali. There is nothing messed up about you or your life now. But history can not be wiped off. Your faith has been tried too many times. People have failed you. And I feel scared that I might end up doing that too. I feel particularly scared when you say things like those… It’s like you have such high expectations from me. It’s so easy to fall from the pedestal, Rupali.”

She stared wide-eyed at him. As the meaning of what he said dawned on her, she shook her head in part disbelief, part amusement. Then she spoke sincerely, “This is so unexpected. I had no idea I was worrying you for that. I am so sorry Dr. Khanna. Seriously. Please don’t take my appreciation to mean that you have to be on high-alert all the time.”

Paritosh let out a sigh. He had been holding his breath. “See, things are that simple. Sometimes you just have to talk and it all falls in place. Can we both not learn from it?”

Rupali nodded and smiled.

“So without any complexes, complications, issues, can we be friends?” he held his hand out to her.

She noticed the cuff-links. The helping hands have managed to reach her again, to be her strength, to be her support. She didn’t know what future held for her, or for him. But right now she was happy to reciprocate. She met his hand with hers. No complexes, no complications, no issues. Friends!

—

To be continued

Destined (Part 18)

Posted Mish7 CommentsPosted in English, Inspired, Rupali-Paritosh

The conversation with Damyanti had helped Rupali understand what was weighing her down. She also felt the same current between them that Radha or Sabyasachi had felt.

She looked up to him. He had been her rock ever since the day he had intervened between her and Rohan. He had given her the strength. On a very practical level, he had given her this house without which…

But she didn’t have anything to give back to him. She was an emotional and physical wreck. It’s okay if Chand was his past, and could not be his future. She could not be his future either. He deserved better. Period.

What did he think though? He sent confusing signals. Sometimes avoiding her, sometimes seeking her out, telling her that Chand could not be back in his life… No. It didn’t matter what he thought. She could not let it happen. For his sake.

—

Paritosh’ emotions and actions in last few days have been on a roller-coaster ride. And he was aware of that. Supporting her, getting scared by the faith she put in him, ignoring her, assuring her about his feelings for Chand… What the hell was he doing?

“You always do the right and the rational thing… I draw strength and hope from that… If you go weak there, I lose all hopes…” Her words kept ringing in his ears. Those words had scared him. Those were the words that he didn’t think he would be able live up to. And he had started avoiding her. He let her go home on her own from orphanage too. Something he hadn’t done even when she had to answer to that obsessive, possessive finace of hers. He had an alibi. But he knew very well that it was just that – an alibi. He had apologized before he could stop himself. She had assured him that she would be fine. But he couldn’t ignore her condition the next morning. She hadn’t slept well. And then she had remarked about Chand coming back into his life. Obviously she thought that he was ignoring her because of Chand. Oh, the innocent simpleton. Rupali! What was he to do with her?

If he listened to his heart, he wanted to hug her tight, kiss away her wounds, and keep her safe from everything, everybody…. Be that ultimate hero for her that romantic stories talk about. But he wasn’t the perfect, rational, wise person she made him to be. Her faith had already been tried too often. Parents died at an early age, relatives were ready to send her to an orphanage, the adoptive parents failed to keep her safe… from their own son… What if he ended up breaking her trust, making her lose her faith once again?

After all, his own life had been filled with complexes. Not knowing where he came from, getting insulted for that by the father of the girl he had loved, then the feeling of being a substitute, loneliness of all these years… And letting all these wounds fester within him. What was rational and wise about him or his life? Time had taught him a few things. It was easier to say the right things. It was difficult to live by them. She put trust in whatever he said. But would he himself be able to live by them? He wasn’t sure. Yes. He was scared… Of taking responsibilities, of loving, of living….

And yet, turning himself away from her was being difficult! What was he to do?

—

“Good morning, Dr. Khanna,” Rupali knocked on the door and came in without waiting for his permission.

“Good morning, Rupali. How are you doing?”

“I am fine. I came here to… Do you have any recommendation for psychiatrist I could see?”

“Oh! So Mrs. Moitra was able to convince you?”

Her face twitched despite her attempt to smile. Paritosh noticed that. “Oh… Oh God!” he exclaimed, “Are you mad at me for talking to her about it?”

Was she mad? She wondered. She shouldn’t be. May be she was. Outwardly, she forced a smile, “I am not mad. Why should I be? Your advice is reasonable… right. Just tell me a name… preferably somebody who doesn’t work here…”

“Sure. I should have a card here, somewhere. I had kept it for your… Here it is. Dr. Mathew. He stays in Salt Lake City and has how own center there, where he meets pa… people,” he changed ‘patients’ to ‘people’ to avoid making her feel bad.

Rupali noticed his cuff-links as he handed her the card and an old dream came back to her… Her saviour…. The hands that hadn’t reached her in her dream, but which had reached her in real life. At least to save her! Somewhere deep in her heart, she wanted those hands to hold her, to embrace her. But that couldn’t happen…

She tore her eyes off his wrists, hastily took the card and mumbled a thank you. She was about to leave with Paritosh’ questioning eyes following her, when a knock came at the door. Paritosh flustered for a moment, but gathered himself quickly and asked the person to come in. It was Sabyasachi Moitra.

“Kaku!” Rupali exclaimed.

“Rupa. Good that you are also here. I was hoping to see you,” Sabyasachi gave a warm smile and hugged her affectionately.

“When did you come back?”

“Just this morning…”

“And how is… Rohan?” she hesitated, but asked. She hadn’t talked to Damyanti about Rohan. But she felt more at ease in talking about him to Sabyasachi. With Damyanti, she always felt an emotional pressure about the relationship.

He sighed in reply. Then added after a moment, “He is recovering.” His voice wasn’t convincing at all. Ruapli just nodded and did not pursue it.

“Please sit down Mr. Moitra,” Paritosh spoke finally, “You had some work at the hospital?”

“Actually… I came to meet you… I’m not sure if this is a good time. I didn’t call. If you are busy I can come later…”

“This is a perfect time,” Paritosh replied warmly, “No hell has broken lose in the ward. Right Rupali?”

“Yes Sir,” she smiled, “I will see you later Kaku.”

“Can you ask somebody to send in some coffee and snacks please?” Paritosh requested Rupali.

“That won’t be necessary, Rupa. Really,” Sabyasachi preempted Paritosh’ objection, “I am fine. I had breakfast before coming.”

Paritosh nodded at Rupali and she left.

Silence prevailed in the room for a few moments after Rupali left. Sabyasachi was looking down at his own hands, rubbing his fingers against his thumbs as if trying to gather his thoughts and prepare himself to talk.

“Mr. Moitra?” Paritosh had to break the silence.

“Yes. Of course… I am supposed to talk,” Sabyasachi smiled nervously, “And suddenly I feel like a fool for coming here…”

“Mr. Moitra. You don’t have to… You can talk freely.”

“I am a lost man Dr. Khanna. I don’t know from where to start putting things together…”

“Rohan is not well, then?” Paritosh asked. He had stopped called him “Dr. Moitra” altogether. That address had not only a formality about it, but also a respect. And he could not summon that respect for Rohan any longer.

“No. He is not well at all. But that’s… that’s not something you can do anything about.”

“Rupali is holding up fine, Mr. Moitra. I know this isn’t easy on you…”

“It isn’t easy on me at all Dr. Khanna. And I am glad that at least Rupa is holding up. I had always thought that the girl had a quiet strength about her. But it kills me to think that the strength was being tried in the most horrible way in my own house. And now… like a fool… I have lost both my children… I wish she would blame me, complain about her… And would let me apologize at least, if not explain. What can I explain anyway…”

“Mr. Moitra. Please calm down.”

“I am rambling off. I didn’t come here for that. I came here to…”

“Talk about Rupali?”

“Yes. Indeed. Dr. Khanna, I am aware of your reputation. Of being a lonely person, of strictly being a professional. And yet… In this case knowingly or unknowingly you have gotten involved personally. So, please talk to me on a personal level Dr. Khanna. And give this answer to a father, not to a trustee of the hospital. Am I wrong in assuming that you care about Rupa? And not just because you had to give her the share of her grand father’s property. But even beyond and without that? You must give me a very honest answer.”

Paritosh flushed. Mr. Moitra was literally forcing him to face and resolve his feelings. Like hell, he cared about her. Cared deeply. But was he willing to admit it openly? And deal with everything that came with that acceptance? Mr. Moitra was not forcing him to answer quickly. He was just staring at him in expectation.

“I don’t know if you are implying something else,” he finally spoke firmly and slowly, “But the answer to your question is yes. I care about her. She is… she is a lovely and brave person. It is difficult for anyone not to care about her.”

Sabyasachi sighed, “Thank God. In that case, if I ask you to take care of her, it won’t be a burden for you, will it? You are already doing it. So, I have assumed that it isn’t…”

Another long pause. Was he prepared to commit to it? He hasn’t been very sure of himself in this regard. “Rupali is fine Mr. Moitra,” he mumbled.

Sabyasachi looked expectantly at Paritosh for a moment, hoping that he’d say something else. But he didn’t. “Of course,” Sabyasachi had to speak finally. He looked clearly embarrassed at his uncharacteristic emotional outburst from a few minutes ago, “I should get going now. Have some work to attend to. Thanks a lot for your time Dr. Khanna… And for everything…”

Paritosh was suddenly very embarrassed. He was evading. “Mr. Moitra…” he started speaking, but his words drowned. He was quite at loss. It wasn’t like he didn’t intend to support Rupali. It wasn’t like he didn’t care for her; or that he didn’t want her… It wasn’t about her at all. It was about him. How inadequate he felt…

“Mr. Moitra. Don’t get me wrong,” he finally found his voice, “Rupali is a great girl. She deserves… a lot. And I think she will get everything she deserves. Your shouldn’t hurry yourself; or her.”

“Yes Dr. Khanna. I shouldn’t be hurrying. Her; or you. I just panic when I think of her loneliness. And of my failures. Still, let me say this. I am often in that area when you and Rupa make your weekly visit to orphanage. I sometimes meet the orphanage staff. NET is one of the donors there. You probably didn’t realize, but I have seen you together. She looked happy. And so did you. Try to think about that. Nobody has seen you happy very often. And her? She had all the reasons in the world to be sad. Still?”

Sabyasachi left leaving a flustered Paritosh behind.

—

To be continued